The 7 Relationships You Need To Win At Life | Journey Principles Podcast 022

Welcome to the Journey Principles, where we show you how to go from stuck to unstoppable with life strategies that work. Now here's your host and creator of the Transform youm Framework, Stephen Scoggins.

Hey, guys. Welcome back to the Journey Principles. So glad you're here. About to jump into some pretty exciting topics. Actually one of Connor's favorites I'm pretty excited about as well. If this is your first time here, welcome. The entire show is about helping you go from stuck to unstoppable, which means going from not being able to make progress to finally make consistent progress on a regular basis with life strategies that are simple and that actually work. At the end of each show, you should get no less than three to five things that you can actually do today to make something happen in your own life and kind of keep you moving forward. And in the meantime, welcoming my co host here, Connor Kraft, director of connections here at the Journey Principles Institute. What's up, buddy?

How you doing, man?

Good, dude. So how you been?

I've been good. So just helping my dad with some. Some work around the house still. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're. We're trying to tidy everything up and get everything in order, so.

Yeah. You gonna come out and move out my way?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if you're more for.

Your money out my way or what.

But that's why we live out. Yeah, for sure, dude. Yeah. Your place is awesome. I love how it's, like, out in the country and it's. But it's not too far removed from everything, so.

Connor's also been learning how to use nail guns and saws and stuff like that.

Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot to even talk about that. I went to his house and. Yeah, I guess we haven't talked about that yet, but he taught me how to use a saw. Guys, I was so concerned. I was like, dude, I need my fingers for typing and playing piano and all this stuff. Please. I'm not a handyman, but. But I learned how to do it. It was great.

Yeah. So what. What was your. What. What did you enjoy most about watching me actually do the construction trade that I talk about so often?

I liked the learning because I'm just wired for that, so I just enjoy learning new things. So, like, once I scared the crap.

Out of me while he was running across the floor shaking the scaffold I built. I'm standing 14ft in the air, he's like running across the floor.

Yeah, yeah. I Didn't want to make you fall. For sure.

I did manage to shoot myself. Shoot myself with a nail gun.

That's right.

Dude.

Dude, this guy. This is crazy. This guy is such a trooper. He literally shot himself in the thumb with a nail gun.

Was an accident.

Yes, of course it was an accident.

The nail. The nail hit a knot in the wood and shot.

But what I'm saying is, is, like, he took off this glove, and there was just blood pouring out. I don't mean to be too graphic, but, like. But, like, I was like, dude, like, are you okay? Do we need to go? And he's like, no, no, no. And he was already looking like, all right, here's the next thing we need to do. I was like, bro, what are you.

What are you doing? I just grabbed a napkin and some electrical tape.

Yeah.

Got it fixed, but it's not. Obviously. It's clearly not the first time that that's happened.

Yeah, I mean, you've shared some pretty gruesome injuries with me. I'm like, dude, dang, you've really earned your.

Your keep.

Yeah.

Anything else exciting happened last week?

I am dating someone new.

Officially.

Officially.

So he's officially off the market?

Yes, I'm officially off the market. I'll keep it private for both of our. Our privacy, But. But, yes, I am in a relationship now, so.

How do you like that?

I like it. I mean, I had been, like, three years of essentially being. Being by myself, and, you know.

But you did a lot of work.

Yeah, I did.

You're not the same kid that I met four years ago.

I came a long way, for sure. Yeah. A few years back, I had a not so great relationship. So.

Yeah. So what's it like to go from a not so great relationship and then doing the work to get to the.

Relationship that makes what's interesting is, like, I didn't even identify that this relationship that I was in prior was so bad until I, like, recently got in this new one. I was like, wait, everything's so easy. We're not fighting all the time. And I mean, obviously, it's still fresh in news. And he said, give it six months.

Well, six months is the honeymoon phase. I mean, that's when everybody has their best of themselves up in front, historically. And then that's when, in fact, I remember this. It's like, what's the old adage, honey, what can I do for you? And then you can take out the garbage. Oh, yeah, no problem. I'll do it right now. And you drop what you're Doing you go take out the garbage six months from now, it's like, how come you haven't taken out the garbage?

I ain't doing that. I was just watching tv.

Yeah. And it's comfort level.

Why is that though? Like, why don't people just maintain?

Man, I wish I could answer that question, but should you. Let's.

Quick side note, I think shouldn't you try to treat them the same way.

That from my perspective, I think you should just be who you're going to be. Yeah. I'm gonna give you a little tidbit on love, my perspective on love.

By the way, guys, this relation, this podcast is about relationships. This is relevant. We're not going off on too far of a tangent.

My adage on love is true love is not loving somebody for who they are. True love is learning some is loving someone in spite of who they are. What I mean by that is it's easy.

Which sounds so. I always heard that and was like, it's. That sounds so morbid. It's like.

Well, I don't mean it morbidly. What I mean. I think what I mean most by it is I mean that.

In fact, actually I kind of learned this from Karen, our very, very first date. In fact, why we didn't do a whole podcast on how we met. It's just.

Yeah, let's not go off on too far.

But I will tell you, our first date, we'd had a long phone conversation the night before, before we ever scheduled the date. We were gonna do coffee, then I want to do sushi. And then she sits down. She gets there a little bit late. Of course I have like a little romantic setup set up because I was like really interested in her. She sits down and the first thing she does is give me your dirty.

That's so like when I heard that that's how she opened, I was like, ooh.

Actually it actually made me excited.

But I know that cuz that's the way you are. I'm like, dude, anyone else would be.

Like, what look Cuz I like real. Like, I like authentic. I like authenticity. I like.

So give. Basically give me all.

She's like, she's like, I don't want. I don't want to hear how much money you make. I don't want to hear kind of car, car you drive. I don't want to. I don't want to hear about all the places you've been. I want to hear about the stuff that I'm going to find out about six months, whether we're dating or not dating anyway.

You know, and we actually had a really good conversation about that.

Is that typically healthy to do that?

It was for us.

I know it works for you. I just think that typically, you don't bring up all that baggage.

Well, I think for us. So a couple different things. First of all, I was. I was in my late 30s when Karen and I met, and she was in her early to mid-30s when we met, and we both wanted an actual marriage.

Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, you guys were at that point.

We were in a season where we both wanted the same thing.

You weren't about messing around.

Yeah. So I think that that conversation's great if that's the season you're on. I also think that it's important to let someone know early on what season you're in.

Like, oh, yeah.

I see a lot of people who are like, I just met the most wonderful person. And I'm like, okay, Are you guys on the same page? Like, well, you know, I'm. I want to get married. Like, I really want to be married.

And the other one.

And the other one's like, yeah, I think I'm thinking, like, two years out, three years out, and the other person's like, oh, once they get around me and hang around me, they're gonna want to, like. It's like. I'm like, you're stupid. Don't do that.

Yeah.

Lack of a better word. I mean, that's. No, that's. Foolishness is what it is.

But that's why communication is important. As long as you're both communicating and you're like, okay, do we.

If you're in a dating phase and what you're gonna be doing is dating for the next three years to kind of figure out what you really want, what you don't want, and all this kind of stuff, then that's probably not a conversation you have. But what we were at, the season of life, we were at. It was an important one. The next thing she said was just as good. And she said, she goes, by the way, I've been on a lot of these dates recently, and no one's made it past date number two.

Dang, dude. Putting all the pressure on you.

I think this is one of the exciting things, because I think this is one of the things that actually caused us to like each other because we had this little edginess to us. As I said, totally get it. What are you doing tomorrow?

And we literally went on a date the next day at the art museum. Really?

That's Amazing.

Yeah, I got. I took her to the art museum in Raleigh and then got a picnic basket. And so you, You.

You just hit her right back with that dude. Respect. That's awesome.

Yeah. Well, I'm. Like I said, we were. We were both in that season of life. We're ready to do that. So, anyway, that's a quick relationship story. Today we're talking about the seven relationships you must have or you need in order to win at life.

I love this topic.

Right. I've identified seven areas, seven archetypes, if you will, of relationships you've got to have to keep you moving forward, to take you from stuck to unstoppable that aren't going to get you bound up. Because so often I can tell you that I missed probably six years of.

Great pivotal time for me to make progress because I was in relationships that were not serving me, and I stayed there way too long. And I guarantee you, if I said, hey, have you ever stayed in a relationship way too long? I guarantee you most of them, like, yeah, at least once. Right. It's a learning lesson, something we all go through. But.

Out of that, I have identified the seven archetypes that I think make the most sense to have in your relationships. And I will say these, when we're going through these archetypes in just a couple of minutes, consider that you may have one or more key relationships that may suffice or be two or three of these archetypes rolled up into one.

So these are just types of people that you need.

Exactly.

That'll become more clear when we start going through.

They could be seven separate people or they could be four people that have.

The archetypes, different characteristics of these archives.

So if I, for example, you guys heard me talk about Steve Myrick, I need my wife Karen on a regular basis. Both of them serve in multiple areas of the archetypes. Right. Does that make sense?

I'm excited. Let's dive in.

All right, cool. Well, before I do that, I want to make sure everybody understands you'll never be able to win a war, internally or externally, unless you have the right troops beside you. Okay. The reason I say that's important is because when we're breaking down these archetypes, seriously, take a look at your relationships.

And I caught how you said war there, because it is a war. Essentially, it is. You are at battle with the world and the universe. And it feels like that sometimes, especially when you've been stuck for a long time, it's like, who do I have to fight? I mean, not necessarily who, but, like, it feels like the world is against you, and it feels like you're fighting against the universe in order to make progress. And you'll make a little bit of progress, and then you'll fall back three steps. You'll take one step forward, three steps back. And it just. I know what that's like. It's miserable.

And that's why. And that's why I'm saying the biggest mistake that I think people make in their relationships is they're not truly objective. Okay. Think about all the people that you watch me coach or even when. We're teaching our life strategist right now. Right. Getting them ready for the tribe in the audience. One of the things that we do that I'm on them about more than anything else is they've got to break that spirit, if you will, within someone who is just like, well, I can change them. I can save them. I can. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're responsible for your journey, and that person's responsible for their journey. Okay. If you spend all your time babysitting their journey, you can't focus on your journey, which means you're doing missionary style.

Which we talked about in the last podcast. You know, a drowning person can't save a drowning person.

Correct.

And if you surround yourself with people who are not in such a great place before you've really hit that mastery level where you can handle it, it's gonna bring you down.

Yeah. So we're gonna give you the tools to make that happen. You don't have to write somebody off. You just need to create some distance between people that aren't serving you.

Yeah.

And that's okay. And it should be okay. Like, you need to. I will tell you right now that some of the people that I had to distance myself with early on were my family members.

Yeah.

Okay. It's not that I didn't love them, because I did. It's not that I didn't want what's best for them, because I did. It's not that I didn't want them to be where I was at or heading on the same journey that I was on, because I did. It was because, unfortunately, those relationships, if I spent all my time with them, it had been more like wearing cinder block shoes.

Right.

Right. It just makes it harder to take a step. Okay. What we're saying here when we dig into these seven archetypes, is do your best to choose relationships in your inner circle that serve you so you can get far enough along so you can get the equipment equipping and the spirit it takes to then go back and serve the person. You've heard us say it before. One of the greatest things you'll ever do in your life, purposes in your life is serving the person you used to be. Okay, We've talked about that before. 100%.

Remember that in order to do that, you've got to become something greater. And then in order to do that, you're gonna have to have these relationships. So you ready to jump into them?

Yeah, for sure.

All right. Number one is probably the easiest one we've talked about before. The guide.

The guide.

Okay. Guide, AKA the mentor. Okay. This is someone who is already on the. He's already. He or she has already been on the journey you're on. They've already had the experiences, they've already had the lessons, they've already had the testing, and they already have the knowledge that they can give you to keep you moving forward. Okay. These. These people are specifically there to give you the knowledge, wisdom, and experience it's going to take to keep. Keep going.

Okay.

The next one's the coach. Okay. Consider, Think about. So when you think about a football coach, what do you think? Or any kind of coach, what kind of character traits do you think they have?

I don't, I don't. I don't know about character traits. Like, it's kind of hard for me to pinpoint, but, like, I actually picture. Like, it's weird because I kind of picture a coach, like, yelling at his team, but yelling in a positive way. Like, yelling like, come on, guys, get that hustle. You know, keep it going. Like that type of thing. Like, it's essentially, it's equipping them with the tools that they need and the skills that they need is kind of how I look at it. So if you're like a football coach, you know, your job is essentially to manage the team and help them get ready for the game.

Yeah. So when I consider a coach, I like to think about the movie. Remember the Titans? Okay. The reason I like that movie is because they had two different, distinctly different types of coaches. You've got the one that is the grinder. He's yelling in your ear, we're going to change the way we play. We're going to change the way we think and eat and, you know, and then you've got the other one who's like more of a slow pace strategist kind of thing. Like, let me encourage you along the way when we're talking coach in this capacity we're talking the attributes of those. Both of those coaches together. So at times, they're the ones like Coach Boone in the movies, like popping Petey on the head. Right. If you drop this football one more time, how many feet in a mile you're going to run? Every last one of them, right? Yeah. They're blunt, they're direct, they're pushing you, they're driving you. They're really kind of pushing at the same time. The other coach in the movie and his name escapes me at the moment, and I apologize for people who love that movie. I love the movie too, by the way. But there's a moment in the movie where he goes to one of the football players and says, look, you can do better. Like, I believe in you. And then later on, he's like, run the ball kind of thing.

But it's a balancing act.

It's a balancing act, but their whole goal is to. Is to bring excellence out of you.

So what's the difference between that and a guide?

A guide is strictly going to be more like Yoda. Right. Think I like Yoda as the perfect. Is as an example, or Gandalf. Okay. They may have the encouraging words or the one drop wisdom sentences or something like that, but for the most part, the guide is strictly there for knowledge and wisdom. Right. A coach is largely there for motivation. Right. They are there to push you past your limits. A guide is going to tell you what you need to know, the steps you need to take, but they're probably going to be so far removed, we're not able to help you actually take those steps. A coach is going to be like, right beside you. Run the ball, take the step, run the lap. Right. Kind of deal. Or gonna be the. The motivational speech when you need it most, when you. When you're down six points and during the half, you know what I'm saying? So that's. To me, that's. That's the difference between the two. One is more of a motivator and pusher driver, if you will. And the other person is more of a.

You guys are. You guys are probably gonna notice some overlap between some of these. And that's why we like to say that, you know, there can obviously be four people who have these traits. There are slight kind of differences in some of these things, but there are also some similarities.

Yep. The next one's going to be the empowerer. Okay. So when I'm thinking empower, the person that comes to my mind would be my grandfather. So my grandfather Stallings. That passed away 2016. That was a huge part of my spiritual upbringing, if you will. He was the kind of person who, even when I knew that I made a lot of mistakes and I screwed up a lot, he wouldn't bring that stuff up. Instead, he would be telling me what I could be.

So his job is to lift you up.

His job is to lift you up.

And keep your head up.

Right. And that's what the empowerer does. The empowerer can be a best friend. The empowerer can be a parent. The empower can be anybody that consistently just sees more potential in you than you see in yourself.

And all they do is they're constantly reminding you of it. You got this. You're gonna be amazing. Keep going. Right. Whereas the guide's teaching you how to get there. The coach is kind of like saying, take the step, blowing the whistle, make you do the burpees and everything like that. Right. There's a. They're more about walking you through the process. The empower is kind of that encouragement. It's that word of encouragement when you need it most. It's the time where you've been struggling for a long time. You're a long time. You're a long time, and you're about to give up. And that person comes in and they just have the. The one liner. Right. That just changes everything.

Yeah.

You see what I'm saying? So that's the empower. The next one's the educator.

Yeah.

Okay. The educator is. Think about your high school like a high school teacher. Right. Okay. They're not really there to motivate you. They're not really there to necessarily give you life experience.

Yeah. They're not necessarily. The difference between a guide and an educator is the guide is kind of doing it and has done it. So it's a mentorship role. The educator is purely teaching you knowledge.

Knowledge and the tactical and the tact ability behind it.

Okay.

Right. So when you're learning math or calculus. Right. There's a methodology that's learned. They teach you the methodology, and then they watch you practice. Right. And then they grade you on it. Right. So there's a measurement standard. So a lot of times our life mastery strategists that we have. Right. Evan and Mike, some of these other guys and gals.

They'Re more of empowering educators. Right. Okay. Their job is to help you take the step with the tactical step. That's next in line. Their job is not to give you all four phases of the grow framework that's brought up in the transform you. That's not their goal. Right. They know it. We've been teaching it. Right. They understand it. But their goal was. Is the next step. Right. My role as the guide is teaching you the theology, the philosophy, the strategy to take the steps. So.

Okay, I see. So the educator is essentially giving you the knowledge and equipping you with the knowledge and information you need to move forward where you are today.

Gotcha. Exactly. The next books, too. Yes.

Necessarily have a physical person. You could read a book and count as an educator.

In this day and age. Let's hit on that for a second. In this day and age, a relationship could very easily be digital. Of course. Written in nature.

Tons of influencers out there.

Right? Yeah. There's now again, go back to our last episode. There's a way in which to choose which influencers you're following.

Yeah.

So you don't get yourself in trouble.

Five character traits that are very, very important. Or I says, I suppose, five filters that you need to use when selling.

Is this person this gala 1 to 10? Is this person this gala 1 to 10, that kind of deal. The next one's the driver. The driver does not care about your feelings. They don't care. They don't care about anything other than pushing you forward. Okay. The person that comes to mind as a driver for me in some cases would be my wife.

So is a driver like a personal trainer almost, or is that more of a coach?

You know, there is a little bit of an overlap, but I think a trainer is going to be more in the form of a driver. The reason being is a coach is there to help you make the play. Is that to help you see the things you're not seeing?

Coaches to me, are operating more in strengths and blind spots.

Okay. And then a driver is just to push you forward.

It's just to push you to develop those strengths and overcome that.

Come on, one more rep, one more set. Exactly.

And they just. I can't. I don't care. Do it anyway. Like, you know, that comes.

Which. The coach can act like that sometimes. But the coach is also obviously with the tactical.

Yeah. I mean, if I was to ask you what the. Probably the. One of the. The biggest driver in journey principles would be, you guys would probably say my name because I'm constantly pushing it forward.

Oh, yeah. So we butt heads sometimes because I'm like, hey, slow down. Let's do this right. You're like, let's go.

We're going to do it right now.

We're going to get it Done. And I mean, you just genuinely have so much passion about this project and you just, you move at a million miles.

Well, do you know why? Every day that we're not ready or every day that we're not where we're at, another person's struggling. Every single day, every single day, we're not able to get a piece of content out on time or to give the free content to the email subscribers, or do a podcast or get our content order, or get our online school up and running, or build the mini courses that we're working on.

Every single day that those things aren't taking place is in someone else. If you look at statistics on the low side, there's a high rate of suicide still, there's a high rate of divorce still, there's a high rate of foster care still. There's a. There's all these different areas that are.

Longer that we wait, the more likely we are to essentially, I mean, people.

Lose those people, but lose those people. And because they're not getting served anyway. Because we're the best of my knowledge, we're the only entity as of right now that serves anybody and everybody. Right. A lot of the influencers serve a specific niche in high performing top achievers or the personal development junkies and stuff like that.

Yeah, I. Vast majority, I'd say rather than niching down to a specific demographic or type of person, what we've done is we've niched down to a season. So if you feel seasonal, stuck in your life, and if you feel like you aren't making the progress you want, and you want more control and ability to build the life that you want, then you are ours. You are our people, essentially.

Yeah. Yeah. I love the misfits. Steve Jobs quote, you know, here's to the misfits.

Crazy ones.

Yeah. Here's to the misfits. Here's to the crazy one. That's us. Right, Right. We're about the people that feel forgotten, the people that feel unseen, the people that feel unheard.

People have been told their whole lives that they're worth nothing.

Exactly. That's. You're my. You're my people. Because that's me. That's who I was. And I refuse to let another single person walk that type of life out. When we have the knowledge and the wisdom and the experience and the content and the. And the tools to help you not walk life out that way.

Yeah, I think, I think one of the things that's really, really important about us is that we don't try to come to you, from a high horse, it might seem like that sometimes, you know, I'll say things because I can't hold my tongue. And I'm young and 23. I say stupid stuff. Like in the podcast where I said, you know, people are ancient and stuff like that. I'm sorry for that, guys. I just. Sometimes I think things are gonna be funny.

And by the way, I. You have to let that fall off of you. He's referred to me as.

He.

He. One day he said, dude, man, the people in their late 40s, man, they're like, you know, I'm like, dude, I'm in my late 40s. He's like, really?

Yeah, I just. Forgive me for that. It's. I'm. I'm young. I. I shouldn't have said.

I'm surprised that you actually just admitted the fact that you're young.

Yeah, like, young.

I'm like. Like most people when they're young. Like I did when I was young, I actually thought I knew everything, so.

Yeah, well, I. I thought, if you recall, four years ago, I did think I knew everything. And then I met you, and then I.

Everything about everything.

Tried to ignore everything you said for a few years and got nowhere and then started to apply them in the last year. And I'm like, oh, my God, I don't know everything. But he knows a lot. I'm gonna just learn as much.

And I don't know everything, and I have zero problem asking questions of my mentors. But. All right, moving on.

Where were we?

The driver. We just finished up the driver. So the driver is there to simply push you. They don't care about your feelings. They don't care about whether or not you feel like you can do it or not. They are there to basically be like a wine press, where to get your potential to ooze out of you.

You need that kick in the butt.

It's a straight up kick in the butt. And again, your coach may have a driver in it, your guide may have a driver in it. Remember, I told you early on that one or two people may actually serve for three or four of these at a time. Okay. But the next one's one of the most important people you need to have a relationship with, and that is yourself.

Your inner you.

Your inner you. You've got to have a healthy relationship with yourself, which means you've got to get to the point where you are talking to yourself. Using the belief system model that we gave you guys a week or so ago. I think it was.

Yeah. A few podcasts go. And then obviously if you watch our whiteboard lessons, you we did something on the four stages of beliefs. If you have any limiting beliefs or you know, you could, you may have heard of them as life lies.

Sorry, I'm waving my grandson.

Some people, some people tell themselves things. The way that you talk to yourself is very important.

Yeah. I mean essentially that they enter you. The goal is to move you from a limiting belief through the process all the way through a bridge belief all the way to an empowering belief. The greatest person that will ever hold you back, seriously is yourself.

Yep. I have definitely experienced that.

Right.

It makes me want to punch myself in the face when I look at myself in the mirror. I've had so many times where I told you about this the other day. I'll look at myself in the mirror, I'll be like, dude, will you just step up? What is your problem? What is wrong with you? Just come on, you have the steps, you have everything you need. Do the stuff. And it just drives me crazy and I want to beat myself up a lot of times. And then I go to you and you're like, don't do that. It's okay. It's part of the process.

It is part of the process. I mean you're gonna make like, look when you're, when you're building a relationship, like most people have never intentionally built a relationship with themselves. Right. When I say build a relationship with yourself, you are going to be able to be at peace with like, I'm alright, so I am five foot five. I am not a tall individual. For the huge chunk of my life. I was like, I'm short. Everybody knows I'm short. Quit talking about I'm short. Like I'm a bow up or something or do something stupid. I finally accepted the fact that I'm short. But I also have all this other kind of stuff inside of me that is so helpful to my life, my people around me and stuff like that.

Like I'm, I'm a short guy too, by the way. I'm like a solid like five seven. So I, on a good day, maybe five, six and a half.

That makes him average. But you know, hey, but it's beside.

The, it's not average, but it's okay.

What I'm getting at is you have to be, you have to in some cases be at peace with some things that you can't change. I'll never be able to change the fact that I'm not tall.

Right?

Okay. I can change the size of my muscles or Whether or not I'm growing them, or whether shrinking or the size of my gut.

That's why I keep saying. I mean, man, with this Covid stuff is over. I'm getting in the gym and I.

Keep telling them, I got a Bowflex at the house. Come on over. Excuses. Anyway, dude, you're too much of a.

Driver, dude, you're gonna be like, more weight, more weight. You're gonna break me, man. Like, I.

It has like a 200 pound limit. More weight. Anyway. The inner you is so important because you have to be at peace with who you are, but you also have to be willing to be flexible with who you want to be. So if I want to get more muscles, I know I need to hit the gym. I know I need to eat right. If I want to grow more stable in my marriage, I know I need to spend more time with my wife and be intentional about it. I want to be a better dad. Like, so on and so forth, right? When you have a. When you have a good relationship with you, you accept yourself as yourself. You're authentic, right? You've reached the level of authentic. These are things I'm passionate about. These are things I'm good at. These are things I'm not so good at. One of the things I know I'm not naturally gifted at is details. Right? So. And you brought it up before, you're like, dude, you really suck at details. I'm like, dude, I've already told you that. Like, why is this a surprise, right? So. But the two things that I know that you've mentioned before is, well, maybe that's why you can move so fast.

Yeah.

Well, I would say it this way. I have a level of faith because my experience has shown me that in order to move something big, something heavy, something meaningful, you've got to have a level of faith that it's going to work out in the end. You have to have a.

Desire, if you will, to let things play out.

Let me ask you a question, because this is obviously, yes, I have been telling myself, oh, yeah, that's why Steven's.

Able to do that.

But maybe that's just a story I'm telling myself. Do you actually believe in your heart of hearts that I can move at your pace? Or do you think that I'm wired for maybe 80% of that and that's going to be enough? In a different way, I've always wondered that. Like, because I keep trying to move at your pace, I feel like I'm.

Not wired for it. I think it's the wrong question.

Okay.

I think you should never try to be someone else. Right. So trying to move at my pace, yes or no is irrelevant. I think. I think what you should be striving for is to be as productive as you possibly can be and limit as many distractions. I find that one of the things that you struggle with most is distractions.

Yeah. Focus.

Get distracted, for sure. You know, and that's where, you know.

You were just locked yourself in a room for like 12 hours and non stop, you're getting things done. And I'm like, all right, I can sit myself down for 15 minutes, knock something out and then squirrel. And then, you know, I have those moments later.

Just so we're clear, I have those moments too. Where I'm sitting, I'm literally typing. I'm writing content or whatever and blog article ebooks. I mean, any number of things that we've been creating. Right. And I'll have a moment where my brain will just stop. Yeah, right. But you have to have enough experience and wisdom to know that. Okay, squirrel. All right, back to it. And I'll read my last sentence and I'll just keep going.

I guess what I'm asking you is because I still struggle with that a great deal. Like when I'll have that squirrel moment, it'll keep me away from my work for like an hour.

Sometimes we'll just get you a dog collar.

But seriously, like, I'm just. I'm just curious. Like. Like, how much of that do you think is like, because of the way that I am or how much of that. Let me.

I'll explain it. I'll explain it to you. So it's. It's no secret. One of the things, I think one of the reasons that you and I get along so well is because I really feel like you are me 20 years ago.

So you. But. But I. I always.

I was geared to not to never not be in motion, but I was not geared originally to be so focused on getting things done. Meaning setting up a to do list or a task item list and knocking stuff down. The reason I uncovered that that works and which is we. I've been telling you about. Dude, get a list, check stuff off.

Yeah. You used to waste time.

I used to waste all kinds of time. I used to do like you do. I used to go work on the fun stuff. I wanted to go. I wanted to be creative. I want to go do the fun stuff. Like who wants to go take out the garbage or go for, you know, whatever. I used to be the same way. Now what I do is I take the stuff I don't want to do, and I put it intentionally in front of the stuff I want to do. So when I get to do the stuff I want to do, it's like a reward.

Did you have to make that change before you were able to have some level of success?

I definitely made the change before. Before the quasi. Whatever. Whatever you want to deem a success. It was part of the process of becoming successful.

Got it.

Right. So I do. So again, I do the things I don't want to do first. We have a slogan here that says, do the hard work first. I think we even have a T shirt coming out that might even say that. But do the hard work first.

Do the push ups.

Do the push ups. Yeah. So if you do the hard work first, you do the push ups, then you get the benefit of having a nice chest. Right, Right. You get the benefit of being able to wear a T shirt and fill it out. Right. It's the same thing. It's the same thing with this. Right. You do the hard work first and then the stuff you want to do. The creativity. Like, I love to create graphics and all kinds. Like, I love creative stuff. I like creating processes. I like. When I say processes, I mean, like Strat Life strategy stuff. Not. Right. Me going into our project management software and putting this widget before the other one. I don't enjoy that. That's too much detail.

But.

Right. But I do the stuff I don't want to do first, and then I do this. Then I get rewarded by doing the stuff I want to do. So I have a sense of accomplishment as well as a sense of getting crap done.

So I guess. Yeah, I just need to learn how to. How to keep myself focused and disciplined, because, as in this season of Life, I also share that, you know, I don't really love details that much, like. But a lot of what I do in my current role requires a good amount of detail.

A lot of detail.

Yeah. Which is hard for me because I'm wired to not.

But remember, if we build it right now, eventually you probably won't have to touch it for five years.

Yeah. And you just reminded me of Rory Vaden's book, Take the Stairs, where he talks about that concept. I've recommended that on a previous podcast. Guys, this is literally, like, one of my favorite success books I've ever read. I'm reading it a second time.

You get to tell Rory that next week. When. Or two weeks when you're with him.

Yeah. For sure, dude. But seriously, I was blown away because it's all about the concept of doing the hard work now. And the biggest difference that he identified that is between successful people and non successful people is successful people do the things that other people don't want to do. And the truth is they don't want to do it either. They've just learned how to get themselves to do it.

So what did Steve Myrick tell me when I was 16 years old, when he was 16?

Do today what others won't so you can have tomorrow.

What others? Essentially, what was he telling me? Do the hard work first. Do the hard work. Yeah. And then I struggled with it for a decade.

Oh, yeah.

Then I got busy. And then once I got busy, I got going. And once I got going, I made progress. Once I made progress.

Very similar to. I've struggled with it for a decade. I've been. I've been pursuing this stuff since I was 16.

All right, so that was our squirrel moment. We're.

Yeah, right. We need to dive back to the relationships. We were at interu.

So again, you were. We gained. You have a self. You have an incredible level of self awareness and self. Ongoing self development within that self awareness.

Right.

Every skill that you have can be sharpened. Every blind spot that you have can be backfilled. Right. By knowing who you are and knowing what you're good at and having a really good dialogue within your. You. So I don't. I don't get mad at myself when I make a mistake. I don't chew myself up and down.

Maybe I need to stop doing.

I just. I just like, oops, I made a mistake. What can I learn from it? Literally, my. My inner dialogue is this, oh, I made a mistake. What can I learn from it? Okay. And I literally.

Whereas a lot of people would be like, oh, my God, I can't believe I did that. Everything's ruined. You know, I had one chance, you know, and it's the stories that you're telling yourself. If you don't have a healthy inner you and inner voice. I advise you to probably check out some of our lessons on beliefs.

That's right. The final one's gonna be the gatekeeper. All right. Karen is my gatekeeper. We mentioned that on the last episode. You have to have someone or a couple of people that stand in front of people that want to get to you. This is one of the things that I think has been a larger struggle, as I've wanted to put myself out there more to try to help more people in doing so you're working with people, and you're trying to help people who are, in some cases, really struggling. They may actually have a mental illness from time to time. And you want to help them, you want to serve them, but you may not be able to do that in the way that they need. A gatekeeper has the wisdom to say, hey, look, you can come talk. You know, you can come talk to or be around or whatever, and you're dangerous. Right. A gatekeeper has a sense of awareness.

And a sense of authority to say, hey, look, there's danger here or potential danger here, without the sense of abuse. Meaning everybody that's trying to. Like a gatekeeper think about a guard check. Right.

I don't know what a guard check is.

A guard shack is the building that sits out in front of a property, whether it be the military installation or somebody's.

Okay, so like.

Like, there's a guy out there.

Yeah. The guy who, before the gate, is basically checking your ticket or whatever.

Are you supposed to be here? Do you have a meeting? You have a scheduled meeting? Like, you can't just. Like, you can't just walk into the White House right now and go have a meeting with the president, the vice president.

Right, Exactly.

There's got to be.

There's a.

There's a check process. Right.

Checkpoint.

That's what a gatekeeper does. Gotcha. Right. Gatekeepers specifically are paying attention to your inner circle, your original boardroom. Once you communicate that boardroom to the people, they're trying to make sure that those chairs are filled by great people. So they're watching the people that are sitting in the chairs and also watching the people who want to be sitting in the chairs.

Wow. So this person is really just all about looking out for you.

Yeah.

So they would probably serve the role as, like, a best friend or a significant other or something like that.

As bad as I hate to say it. Like I said, Karen, one of her. One of her, she. She brings a lot to my life, a ton to my life. But one of the greatest things that she brings to my life is she is a gatekeeper. Like, she. Every single. Every single person, she said, that person will burn you. You need to remove them. They're not good for you. Every single stinking time she's been right. Every time. 100% accuracy.

100% crazy.

She has some of the most insane intuitive abilities that I've ever seen. Seriously. Because she's, like, protected stuff. Like, back when I was in that relationship a few years ago, she was like, hey, this is not the one for you. I know. And I was just like, no, she.

Has the mom thing.

I'm gonna make it work.

He wouldn't listen to me.

It didn't.

I got burned. Yeah, but, I mean, that's serious meth. But that's what a gatekeeper does. So quick, quick rundown. The guide, the coach, the empower, the educator, the driver, the inner you, which means communication with yourself. And it's okay to talk to yourself as long as you're not overly answering on a regular basis. Right. And the gatekeeper, okay. The outcomes that you want in life will only be as good as the people you surround yourself with, period. So you got to make sure that the people you surround yourself with need to be there. And because we've been doing so many shows on this specific topic, hopefully we're starting to drill it down. Okay, so how do. How do you get there? All right, what are the action steps this week? So the action steps or the methods in which I do this is. I kind of look at it like an extension cord. Okay. If your electric. Like your life is your electrical wire. Right. I'm a construction guy, so if you don't get this pun, this analogy, that's. Okay. I'll move on in a second. Okay. If your life is like an extension cord, you are the. You're the lines inside of that. If you're not insulated by the right people, then essentially you're exposed. Meaning if there's a cut in electrical cord, everybody can get shocked.

Okay. I have something that maybe could. People could somewhat relate to. I don't know that this would really shock you.

Construction guys will relate to this just fine.

No, no, they will. But, like, you ever have an iPhone cable that just that. You know how iPhone cables always tend to break and get the little turtleneck, you know what I'm saying? But, like. But like, if it were to be cut open, obviously there's that wire there. And I don'. Think technically with that technology, it would necessarily hurt you, but it might. I'm not 100% sure. Not sciencey enough for that. But in theory, if you touch the wire, you know, if it would. If it would shock you or something. That's what he's saying. Is the cord around that actual part that protects you when you hold it. The cable is the insulation that is designed to protect you. Right.

So you can either. Really? So. And how do you do it? Step one, you assess where your relationships are at. We've been talking about this scale of 1 to 10, do they need to Be here, do they? Not to be there. Okay, you remove. Step two is remove the ones that you don't need or that aren't going to help you in any way, shape or form. And then step three is you acquire new ones. It's the same steps from the last episode. Assess, remove, acquire. Recess. Recess.

Yeah, there you go.

Assess, remove, assess, remove, acquire. Okay. If you do those three things, looking at your seven relationships and hopefully when we, when we consume some of these archetypes, you begin seeing faces.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's my uncle. And that's this guy.

And that's. And that's what you want to do. I think what the. The best thing you could do is actually make that list. Right. Take the time to make the list. So the guide, the coach, the empower, the educator, the driver, the inner you, which clearly that's you and the gatekeeper. Okay. Try to fill. Try to get seven names or four names that can make up seven attributes or whatever, but try to identify who those people are and then strike up a conversation. Just say, hey, man, I just want to tell you how much I appreciate the fact that I always go to your guide and the fact that you're always helping me.

Yeah.

Learn new ways, new stuff.

And what if you have holes? Like, what if you have some of those.

You have holes. Assess, remove, acquire.

There you go.

Okay. It's that little.

I suppose. I suppose in that case it would be assess and then acquire. Because if you don't. Yeah.

You know, and like I said, we're going to be. It's. Gosh, we're probably a few months out right now, but we're going to have a methodology where you can actually talk to our life strategist one on one. And it's not going to be like, hand over fist money, nothing like that. We're not. I'm not doing that to people. I refuse to do that. I just refuse. So we got a lot of stuff cool coming. In the meantime, the easiest way to maybe even go through some of these questions is to actually email us at questionsurneyprinciples.com that'll help you get your questions here and we can answer them that way. Or you can go down to the live video feed if you're watching us on YouTube and comment, ask your questions there, or just hopefully give us.

Some props if you feel like we're doing a good job. Or you can also go to the podcast platform of your choice, Apple, Google, you name it, we're pretty much on there now. And you can also do comments and whatnot there to kind of let us know you're watching, you're engaging, you're listening, and you're learning and making things happen. And with that, I think we'll close the showdown.

Yeah.

We love you guys. We believe in you. You're amazing. Keep moving forward. We're here to help you make that possible. Until then, see you next time. Journey Principles. Take care. I'll see you in the next video. And please, if you don't mind and you enjoyed the Life Mastery content we're building, consider hitting the subscribe button and also hitting the bell so you'll be the first to get notified anytime we release new content.