The FASTEST WAY To Get Ahead In Life (START DOING THIS) | Geoff Woods

So this is something to consider.

Where in my world might I be imposing ceilings on my achievement?

Our audience is always looking for extraordinary results. So what is the secret behind extraordinary results? I know you hang out with some of the coolest people on the planet.

So saying yes to less or fewer things, not more.

Okay. All right. You got to unpack that for us.

When you were a kid, did you ever line up dominoes?

Yeah.

How many do you think you lined up? Like the most ever for yourself?

Uh, a few hundred, probably tops.

There you go. How'd you knock them all down with the first one? Right?

Yeah.

And it's kind of crazy. Even as five year olds, we fundamentally understood you did not. You would not just stand one domino up here and one over there and one on the other side of the room and knock each one down individually. We understood stand them up, line them up, and just focus on one thing at a time. And that is the surprisingly simple truth behind extraordinary results. And a lot of people wake up every single day and tell themselves that the way the path to success is by getting as many things done as possible. And it's a lie, because everything does not matter equally. We just need to take a page from our childhood and realize that there's actually one thing in any moment in any area of our life. That if we just focus on accomplishing that one thing first, it makes everything else easier or unnecessary. That's how you ordinary results in your life.

Well, that's awesome. I'm glad you mentioned that because it seems like my experience has been that people create their own confusion. I mean, you know what I'm saying? It's like, you know, I've got this play. Let me go ahead and spend this one. Oh, by the way, I'm get this one. I'm going to spend this one. I'm going to spend this one. And next thing you know, then they're like, I don't know where I'm going. I don't know why I'm here. Like, what am I supposed to do about it? And they kind of get stuck in that thing. I know a lot of your work centers around eliminating confusion and bringing focus to clarity. What are some of the quickest ways to do that?

I think a great story of this is Ouija Domino productions. Back in 2009, they broke the world record for domino falls.

Okay.

They lined up almost 4.5 million dominoes.

Wow.

Now, for those of you who are listening, if you're driving, don't close your eyes. But for everybody else, if you're in a place where you can close your eyes, actually try to visualize being the leader of that group, standing in front of 4.5 million dominoes just lined up in dazzling display. Now, do me a favor, raise your hand. We're going to knock the first domino down on the count of three. One, two, three. Steven, how much effort did that take?

Very little. Very little.

Very little. Here's what's extraordinary about this. That almost effortless action unleashed 94,000 joules of energy. To put that into context, that's how much energy it would take you to do 545 consecutive pushups.

The reason this matters is that when we look at our life, extraordinary results, massive reactions come from actually small actions. So for us, we have a saying. Think big, go small, trust the dominoes will fall. Think big, cast a big vision for your life, but don't make the mistake that most people make, which is trying to act big. I'm going to do this, and I'm going to do this, and I'm going to do this. And you just say yes to everything. The opportunities to think big, but actually go small by identifying that one domino that if you just knock it down, you can trust that all the other dominoes will fall.

Sounds nice in a story, but what does that mean tactically? You Familiar with the 8020 rule?

Vaguely, yeah.

Idea that 80% of your results come from 20% of your activities.

Right.

Minority of results come from the minority of what you do. We as whether you are an aspiring entrepreneur, whether you are an individual contributor in an organization or a leader in an organization up to the C suite. We have to be, again, creating a culture where people stop looking at all the things on their plate and tell themselves the lie that they have to get it all done. We have to look at all the stuff that's on our plate, acknowledge that everything does not matter equally. There's a minority of actions that will create the majority of our results. Let's get clarity on what those things are. Let's make sure our calendar reflects time invested in those activities and just rinse and repeat every week.

Yeah, I love it. I love it. A good friend of mine, Rory Vaden.

It was his birthday yesterday. Did you know that?

Yeah, it was his birthday yesterday. I asked him a happy birthday message. Sure did. I'm good to know. We got again, we have no great friends. His book Take the Stairs was all about multiplying time. And when I first read it, gosh, it was probably five years ago, I changed the entire way in which I produced or said yes to things. I guess is the best way to say it. Like, is this going to create more time, resource, talent? If the answer is yes, then, okay, now it goes into priority bucket. Now I can prioritize within the priority bucket. It seems like a lot of us say yes to things. It's almost like we tie our significance to it. Almost like we have a badge of honor. Like, ha, look how much I got done today.

I know. Well, you're bringing up a really valid point. Let's. Let's have a quick conversation about time.

Yeah.

It is our most valuable resource. Let's test it. What's more valuable, time or money?

Oh, time. Easy.

Right. Here's the problem. Most people are spending it.

They were never taught how to invest it. Now, Steven, knowing what I know about you, you've invested money before, right? Yes. What did you expect when you made a financial investment?

Oh, that's easy. Roi.

Of course, roi. You expect a return. How many people do you think wake up every day investing their time and expecting a return?

Top 1%.

It's why they're the top 1%. So this is a key thing here. We can no longer. Here's what most people do. Their alarm goes off, and after they press snooze a bunch of times, they grab their phone and they check email and they triage their text messages. And then when they're helping their kids get ready for school, they're not present with their kids. They're thinking about the email that they marked as unread. Then they show up to the office, whether it's at home or a physical office, they fire up their computer. And what do they check?

Emails.

So they go to their very first email or meeting.

Yeah.

They get out of their meeting, have five minutes. So they check.

Yep. Email.

And then somebody calls or swings by and says, hey, you got a minute? And because they're a team player, they.

Say, yes, of course I do. Come on in.

And they fast forward. It repeats all day long. And they look up at the end of the day, knowing they were busy, but deep down questioning what they actually got done.

Yeah. So when they get home to their spouse, they're like, what'd you do today? And they're honestly like, I have no idea.

And then they're telling when their spouse. When they should be connecting with their spouse. They're saying, I've got to work late.

Yeah.

I want to. Immediately. This is probably hitting some people pretty hard because it's probably describing them. I'm here to tell you it's not your fault. Because at what grade were you taught how to actually invest your time and hold it accountable to a return? Yeah, grade Never. Welcome to class.

That is the point of this is we have to start becoming more aware of when we look at our time. Are we viewing it as something we have to spend or are we actually holding it accountable to being an investment? And the only way you do that is by having clarity on what matters, making sure you invest your time in doing those priorities and holding them accountable to delivering a return in the end.

I love it. I love it. I mean, it's made all the difference in my life. I mean, it really has. You know, you don't build companies from scratch and not along the way scale a company without learning time management techniques. And I don't even like the word management. You probably don't like the word management either. It's more of the investment side of things.

Yeah, you don't manage it. You just. You're either investing it or you're spending it. It's that simple.

Yeah, I know. One of the things that you also mentioned that you do differently, that you teach your students to do differently, is the 41 1. So what's the 41 1, homie?

Yeah. So 41 1, if you look up the definition of it, it's the relevant information or truth. For those of us who are old enough to remember a time when we used to call 411 get the relevant information or truth. In our framework, this is a simple tool that helps you break big annual goals down into simple actions. You've got to take this week. Here's why this matters. My partner Jay and I were taking a walk one morning, and he looked at me and said, you know what, Jeff? The world actually doesn't need a new way to set goals. Need a way to have a relationship with them. Now, here's what I mean by that. Are you married by chance?

Yes.

What's your significant other's name?

Karen.

Karen. Can you remember back to early on in your relationship with Karen when you realized she was different and that there was something special there?

Oh, yeah. I didn't leave her aside for I don't know how long. Yeah.

How ridiculous would it have been if you looked at her and said, karen, you know what? I'm just realizing there's something special about you. I could really see us going all the way. Why don't we do this? Let's get together in a year and let's just see how it's going. That is not what happened. Like, you Said you didn't leave her side. Right. You started going on more dates. In between dates, you're communicating back and forth. When you're not communicating, you're thinking about her. You were having a relationship, and when things started to go well, you raised the expectations for what was possible. Married, moved in, might add kids. And like all relationships, when there was conflict, you best believe you started asking, what the heck do I need to do differently to get back on track?

Yep.

You know how to have a relationship with another person. But we were never taught how to have a relationship with our goals.

Hmm.

People set them and they literally say, I'll see you in a year and see how it's going.

Yeah.

The 411 does is it is a tool that helps you have a relationship with your goals. Once you identify what your priorities are for the year, both professionally and personally, because we're a whole person here, you break it down to, what are the things I got to focus on this month? Once you know that, you go, okay, what are the top 20% priorities I've got to execute on this week to the point that I can point to my calendar and show you time blocks for me to do most important things? What do I need to do each of the four weeks to be on track for my month to be on track for my year? 41 1.

Love it. I love it. You know, when we. We start breaking this thing down. You just mentioned a second ago, I find that a lot of the folks that I've worked with are either heavily in. We'll call it personal life sector, or they're heavy in the professional life sector. Very seldom are you finding someone who's setting goals or outcomes in both of them, and very seldom is anybody having a relationship with them. What do you think is at the heart of that? Why do professional folks really struggle with the personal and the personal struggle with the professional?

To an extent, I think people didn't know that they had permission to go there. And from people think it's business, we got to keep business to business. But here's what we have realized. When you look at, if you study why talented individuals leave an organization.

It comes down to the fact they wake up one day realize they can't have everything they want out of life by being in business with you. So they leave. And almost always it's something in their personal life that's suffering that they were hoping would be fulfilled if they were in business with you. And as leaders, if we don't take a stand for the whole person, not just the professional. There's no way you can get the most out of your people. And I'll give a perfect example of this.

This is probably four years ago. Every week I sit down with one of my partners and he holds my 411. He sees my professional side and my personal side. Number one annual goal, personally, was for my wife and I to get on the same page about money. We were not on the same page. And the one thing we could do was to hold a certain number of budget meetings. I said, we're going to hold 48 budget meetings over the course of the year to get on the same page about money. The very first question he would ask me every week, Stephen, was, how did your meeting go with Amy this weekend?

Before we even talked business, he asked, how'd that go? Because he knew that was number one in my personal life. Stephen. Sometimes that answer was not good. And there were weeks where we literally invested the entire time block just talking about that one thing. Because Jay knew if I could not get on the same page with my wife around money, there's no way I could show up as the best co founder or as the best CEO. I would be thinking like an employee.

Not only did he help us get on the same page about money, what do you think happened to my loyalty to him?

Oh, gosh. I raised the stakes for sure. And I dare say that it probably did something the same with your wife. You guys worked on something powerful.

I can't imagine a world where I leave that man.

Yeah.

Now, for those of you who are leaders of people, how many of your people would say that about you? And that's not a dig, but it is a tough question that is designed to hold up the mirror, to make you ask, all right, am I doing the best that I can do or am I doing the best that can be done?

Yeah, I like that. You know, when I was just thinking I was having some. Some reoccurring memories, if you will. So I've got a. A good sized team within this building. Got roughly 56 people in the building today. We have this internal dialogue that we, when we on board people, we say, this is who we are as a company. This is who we are as a culture. This is what we do. And if you're going through something tough, we want you to feel comfortable to say, hey, look, I'm going through something tough. I'm gonna. I might need a little help right now. I might need somebody to help pick up the slack. You know, we as a company will come in and kind of Encircle you and say, okay, Jane's got something personal going on right now. We're going to help her for the next couple, three months. And best believe six months from now, eight months from now, when Dennis has got something going on, Jane says, hey, Dennis, I got you. And as a result, you see a camaraderie within a corporate entity that still has a family atmosphere. People like to think in small business that you can be family, it can be friends, it can be all this. But when you get to the corporate size, you know, you start scaling to hundreds of team members and more, that all of a sudden you lose the family aspect. And one of the reasons I love your work so much is because you bring that heart to the surface, which everybody and it kind of says, it's okay. Going back to your permission statement a second ago, I give you permission to use your heart on a regular basis. Did you have to go through something tough to kind of figure out the one thing and kind of walk your way this direction? Or is this just something that was more like revelatory?

Ask that again.

Did you have to go through something tough in order for this? Like, for me, for example, most of the things that I'm able to educate people on today came from very tough circumstances in my life. You know, my aha's, if you will, for example.

Yeah.

Curious. The passion driven behind discovering the one thing and beyond. Did that come from something painful or is that something that's kind of more revelation?

Both. Prior to co founding this company, I was in medical device sales, which was a great job. I woke up every day running through hospitals selling a device that saved lives, trying to get my wife to call me McDreamy.

But deep down, I was lacking fulfillment, even though things were good. But I didn't have enough pain in my life to force me to ask the tough questions. Are you in the right career? You're climbing the ladder, but is it leaning against the right wall?

Yeah.

Few things happened that really woke me up. First, a colleague had a stroke when he was 35. My wife and I had just bought a house in Orange county, had our first child, and she became a stay at home mom. I'm standing in the kitchen wondering if what happened to my colleague happened to me, what happens to my family, which was extremely unsettling. And then the next week, my company changed our comp structure to remain competitive in the marketplace. But I took a 40% pay cut overnight.

Oh, man.

We made a mistake, which was.

Forming a lifestyle to match a budget. And when the budget Shrank the lifestyle didn't actually shake. Shocker. Some people have problems with that.

I'm one of them. So you're a good company.

We get to the point where we're almost out of money and that's when my pain is elevated. And then I was introduced to the Jim Rohn quote that you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And I got very clear. I've had this vision of becoming a business owner, but if I actually look at the people I'm investing my time with, none of them are qualified to advise me. Yeah, that just set me on a journey. So that became my one thing at the time, which was to surround myself with mentors who were where I wanted to be. And that's how I met Jay and ended up getting in a relationship with him and Gary, which for those of you, if you're not familiar with the One thing, it's one of the highest rated business books of all time. Gary Keller started Keller Williams, the real estate company. He's a self made billionaire. This is how Gary lived his life and Jay's his co author. So all of a sudden I had the opportunity to make those two guys two of my five.

And when I stepped into their world, they immediately handed this to me on a silver platter. I remember in week number one, Jay saying, look, it's a startup. It's probably not realistic for you to think you're going to be working four, 80 hours a week. But the only way we earn the right to keep you in our world is if you strike some counterbalance. If you're here past 5 o', clock, I'm going to probably start asking you some tougher questions about why you're not being more efficient and effective with your time so that you can leave on time and actually go invest your time with your family. So that was just drilled into me from day one. And that was a product of surrounding myself with the right people.

Man, I love that, I really do, because I think it's, it's great perspective. I've got a young man on our team. I talk about him all the time just because he's, he's, he's one of those guys that says, will you, will you mentor me? Will you mentor me? Will you mentor me? Will you mentor me? And, and over time I'm just like, dude, you're hungry. So I guess, yeah, I'm going to the grocery store. You want to hop in the car with me or I'm going over here. You want to Hop in the car with me or I'm going to lunch. You want to hop, you know, hop in the car with me kind of scenario. And I've managed to build a relationship with that young man, and I'm super proud of everything he's been doing. But he asked me a question that I hear all the time, and I'm sure you hear it all the time. Okay. I realize I know I need a mentor, but then the excuse is I don't have any mentors around me. I can't find any mentors. How do I find a mentor?

Go ahead.

Well, I did a whole podcast on this called the Mentee, where I literally documented my journey, going from employee to entrepreneur, talking about how you find the right mentors and how I found all of mine. Here's a few things. One, the worst thing you can actually do is walk up to somebody and say, will you mentor me? Because it's like walking up to your wife on the first date and dropping down on one knee and saying, hey, let's have a long term relationship.

The reason you want somebody to mentor you is because they're where you want to be, which means they probably value their time at a very high level. So you have to start asking the question, how do I give them a return on the investment of their time? What I have learned is the way you give an ROI to a mentor is that when you ask for guidance and they give it to you, you do not do what 99.999% of people do.

You mean ignore it.

You ignore it. You don't take action. You actually, if they give you guidance, you do it. And then you follow up and you say, you told me to do this, I did it. Here's the results.

Can we sit down again? Because every time you do that, that mentor is making an investment in you and they're getting an roi. Just like money you invest in a stock, it goes up 20%, you're going to double down. It goes up 50%, you're going to double down. Every time it delivers an roi, you double down. The problem is if people say, I don't have mentors around me, that's not the problem. The problem is that you don't know where you need a mentor. A mentor can serve you best in their area of expertise. You have to first and foremost be able to say where you need a mentor in one sentence or less. You've got to be able to put it on a bumper sticker. Then all you do. How often do you have conversations where people Say, what's up? What's going on, what's new?

Yeah.

And what do people say?

Things are good. It's okay. Yeah, things are good.

Not much. What a BS Answer. When I was hunting mentors, when people asked me that question, I said, you know, a lot's going on. I got clarity that I want to get into real estate investing, and I'm looking to surround myself with successful commercial real estate investors. And I zipped my mouth. And what was amazing is when you say that, like, even when I said that, Steven, you probably started thinking about who might. I know. That plays in that space. You can't help it. And if they know somebody, they're going, oh, I know that person. And if you're a quality person, they would consider making that intro. You'd be shocked at how fast if you just started telling people who you're looking to surround yourself with, how fast people are willing to open up their Rolodex and make introductions.

Yeah. Yeah. I think that, you know, when in being a mentor and being mentored by my, you know, myself, by lots of folks, in fact, my life was transformed by my first mentor. You know, I grew up in a very impoverished kind of scenario, homeless for a little while. And a guy asked me, so what's the difference between a rich man and a poor man? And I was like, well, duh, money. He's absolutely not. It's the way they think. Do you want to think like me, or do you want to think like your father? And, dude, it stabbed me in the heart, but it also opened me up. And, you know, one of the things that you bring up that's such a good thing is this essence of yes, here's some advice. I don't know about you, but I kind of do it like, delegating by rope, almost like, all right, here, I'm gonna give you something on the top. Let's see how you do with it. Let's see how you do with this. Let's see how you deal with this. And if I see them actually taking action, taking action and taking action again, more time with me, because my time and my experience and my suffering and my perseverance feels more valuable as a human being to them. However, I've also probably been agitated, as I'm sure you have with. With people that ask you. You tell them what to do, and they go do the polar opposite.

And so for those of you who are listening are going, all right, how do I find a mentor? You need to now hear it from two people who have gotten to be on the mentor side. Now you just said it, Steven. I'm willing to give a little bit of rope and see what they do with it. And if they do well, I give them more and I give them more. But when you make an investment in them and you give them guidance and they blatantly ignore it and they come back asking, complaining about their circumstances, your tolerance for that person is non existent.

Yeah, well, they get to be an acquaintance, but they don't get to be close.

Correct.

Makes any sense. In the season of life where, where I, you know, I want to be surrounded by my, you know, by my mentors, people that can take me to a different level. But more importantly, I want to be surrounded by people who are hungry for more, hungry for more, hungry for more in their relationships. Not necessarily. Doesn't have to necessarily be business success, although that in many cases that's what it is. I just want people that are hungry. Show me that you want it. Because those that want it tend to find it. Right.

I remember asking one of my mentors, I saw him speak on stage and publicly in front of everybody. He said, if you guys need help or mentorship, I'm happy to help any one of you. Just come up and ask. And I watched a line of hundreds of people pile up after this dude is busy. And he went through the line and I asked him, I pulled him aside, I said, dave, why did you offer everybody? You don't have that kind of time? He goes, oh, that's easy. Most of them don't have bloody knuckles. And I said, okay, what does that mean? And he said, I'm looking for the people. You're one of them. He pointed to me. You had bloody knuckles. Your knuckles were bloody because you had been hitting up against your ceiling of achievement. But you kept coming back, hitting, hitting, hitting, trying to break through. And you were just missing the person that could help guide you a little bit. He goes, every person who just asked for my mentorship, I gave them homework, send me your business plan, bring me your left shoe. And he looked at me and said, what did I ask you to do? I said, you told me to. You asked me to meet you at a.m. on a Sunday morning. And he said, so what'd you do? I said, I showed up to Starbucks at 6:35am so I'd be early.

Right? And he said, 99% of people fall off when I give them a simple action. And I know those aren't the people I can invest in.

Yeah, no, man, that's so good. And people are going to get a lot from this, I'm telling you right now. I mean, one of the number one questions I get is around mentorship or being a mentee. And we obviously know that commitment is one of those, right? So that's what we've been kind of talking about is the heart of commitment. What are two or three other things that a great mentee will already kind of have established ready to work for them when they meet a mentor?

I learned this the hard way. I remember being at my national sales meeting for my medical device company, walking into a ballroom and seeing a copy of the One Thing on Every Chair.

I took a seat, I looked at the book, and then Jay Papasan, who co authored the book with Gary Keller, walked out on stage. And for the next hour, I was just memorized.

It felt like a calling, like, oh, my gosh, I've got to be in relationship with this guy. But then, of course, all the limiting beliefs sink in, like, well, what the heck could you say to him to make him interested in you? What could you possibly give him to make it worth his time? And when Jay finished speaking, he gets a standing ovation. Everybody in the room sits down. Thousands of people sit down. And I am standing. Steven it was one of those moments where you ever had a moment where your mind's telling you to do one thing, but your heart's kind of pulling you in a different direction? That was it. My logical mind was saying, sit down. But something deep inside of me was saying, dude, you've got to go. You've got to run and talk to that guy. And when I approached him, I did something that was counterintuitive. And the only reason I did it is because I had seen other successful people do it. I started surrounding myself with successful people and started modeling their behavior. I approached him and I said, jay, my name's Jeff woods, first and foremost. Thank you. I'm at this crossroads in my life, and you brought a lot of clarity to me. I just feel called to help you. So my question is, out of everything that you and Gary are focusing on right now, where do you need help most? How might I be able to help you?

And he looked and he said, well, we're always looking for more exposure for the book. And he had no idea that my podcast, the Mentee, was In the top 20% of podcasts in the world at the time. So I told him about it, and he said, you want to do an interview? I was like, I would love to.

Let's Go.

At the end of the interview again, I asked, what are you and Gary focusing on? How might I be able to help? Looking for more exposure. So I got him booked on all these other podcasts, just like how Philip Stutz introduced us. Same thing. I just started playing Super Connector. I followed up in 30 days. What are you focusing on? How can I help? More exposure. I didn't even tell him. I just wrote an article for entrepreneur.com and started blasting it on social. And I saw him resharing all my posts. So I commented, what are you focusing on? How can I help? And the fourth time he said, gary and I are looking for a CEO for a publishing company. And I thought of three people that would be a fit. I said, let's have a call so I can make the right introduction. And he didn't describe those three people, he described me. So here's the point. The counterintuitive thing is to recognize that you as the mentee, are actually in the power position. It's easy to put a mentor on the pedestal, but is it better to give or to receive? Give to give. By putting a mentor in the place where they can give, you actually deliver more value to them than you could ever deliver by receiving. And the number one way to put them in that position is to realize that you can help them as well.

Yeah.

Just because they're on a pedestal in your mind does not mean you cannot deliver value. So chuck that limiting belief house. Ask them not how can I help you, because that's giving them a job to figure it out. Ask them what they're focusing on.

And.

Then see if you can help. Whether A, you're helping them directly, B, you're playing super connector, or three, say I'm not the person. And I don't know the person, but what I'd love to do is scout for you.

Yeah.

If I come across somebody, can I follow up with you? Great. What's your cell phone?

Yeah. That's good. That's really good.

How about them answers?

Well, they work. Doggone it.

You know, it's funny. I was just thinking, the young man I mentioned to you earlier, Connor.

I knew him about five years ago. He and my kid were hanging out for a while and long story, I won't get into today, but long story short is he's come back to me. About two years later, he came to. I had a church service here in my facility. I let people use my building for church services here on nights and weekends. And he came in, he got done with church service, he Found me afterwards. He said, hey, man, I just really miss you.

I feel like I'm being called to work for you for free. Can I work for you for free? I'm like. I was, like, stunned. Like, what? Work for me for free? Like, doing what? He goes, I'll just. I'll do some social stuff for you. I've got some digital marketing background. I'll do some of that stuff for you. Just. I just want to be around you. I just want to be around you. And I was like, man.

You got the stuff, kid. All right, let's go. You get tonight the bloody knuckles. Like, I could. You could. He was wearing it.

Yeah.

You know, and I think that's such a powerful thing to bring up the bloody knuckles or bring up the value of offering, because I just. It didn't dawn on me until after you just shared that story that that's exactly what was given my direction. And as a result, you know, he's not only. Not only did I not make him work for free, I mean, I've been paying ever since, but he's turned out to be the number one team member within that business unit that I've got. He's the only kid that can hang with me as far as work ethic and diligence and discipline. It doesn't mean we don't have, like, mentor mentee conversations about how and stuff, but I think. I know it's just a powerful concept because I think too many people, when they're running around a YouTube wander on a podcast, you know, they're. They're. You know, they're thinking like you were talking about earlier is, all right, that guy can help me get over there, and she can help me get over here, and that guy can help me get over here. It's all about taking rather than giving. So I want to make sure we drilled that point home, because I didn't want that. I don't want the audience to miss that.

And this was my aha. Because when I realized I needed to upgrade my five, I started showing up in all these networking meetings, I started attending all these masterminds that I paid to get into. I was willing to invest in myself, and I was showing up, looking to get. When I was having a conversation with somebody, I wasn't listening to what they were saying. I was sizing up, could they help me or not? And the moment I figured out that they couldn't help me, I was looking over their shoulder for the next best person. This is what most people do. And that was until I Had a conversation with somebody that I perceived to be very successful, and they were truly present. Steven. They made me feel like I was the most important person in the room. And they asked me at the end, out of everything you're focusing on right now, where do you need help most right now? How might I help you? And it literally floored me. What do you mean? How can you help me? Because I was putting them on this pedestal. But then I realized, all right, you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Here I am having a conversation with somebody who is where I want to be, and this is how they are showing up. And I started to realize there was a pattern with these other successful people. It's like, okay, well, do as they do. I started doing it. I mean, the rest is history. If you had told. I knew I wanted to start a company, but if you had told me that I would have had an opportunity.

To actually learn from a billionaire, to be handed the models and systems behind one of the greatest business books of all time and become an ambassador for it, I would have told you, you're fricking nuts. But my job was to live the book. And it's put me in a position now where the people that I get to work with and the impact that we get to make inside of companies. I pinch myself every day, and it's not about me. It's because I surrounded myself with the right people.

Yeah. You know, I overheard another interview that you did with someone not long ago, and you made this interesting statement. And I want to mention the statement because I thought I was. I thought it was profound and powerful myself. In that particular interview, y'. All. Y' all very quickly went to talk about. Move from there to something else, but. And that the statement was giving someone. You were talking about Jay giving him permission to be your coach. By giving the. Giving someone permission, what does it mean to give someone permission to coach you or mentor you?

You've heard the saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

The same thing here. Whether it's in a coaching relationship, a mentor, mentee relationship, you as the mentee, you as the person getting coached, have to give yourself.

Permission to be coached, which means you have to acknowledge that you're actually not all that and that you have room for growth, and you have to actually submit to that type of relationship. So for Jay, I mean, even yesterday, we were having a conversation about something very specific around my finances, and he just asked a question around our budget And I just pulled up the spreadsheet and I showed him line by line where the money is at. And he looked at me and he said, thank you so much for giving me that permission. Because deep down, I know he has my best interests at heart. He is my number one wealth building mentor, and I would be a fool to not let him into my world. But I have to give him that permission. And so I think we all have an opportunity to ask. Okay, I'm about to ask you what is I refer to as a deadly question. It is a question that is bigger, that you may not know the immediate answer to, and it forces you to go deeper. So this is something to consider. Where in my world might I be imposing ceilings on my achievement?

What relationships do I already have that if I were willing to give them permission to go where I want to hide, I might actually be able to get to an entirely new level?

You pause the episode and you just journal those for 10 minutes. There's your ROI on your time for this one.

Amen to that. That is so good. That is so good. You know, it's funny, I know I can't speak for you, but when I first started trying to gravitate towards mentors and becoming a good mentee, it took a while for that really, for me to understand that they did, one, have my best interest at heart, and two, that them pushing back on me was not an attack on me. It was actually them bringing out the best in me.

Yeah. The inability to take constructive feedback. One of the fastest ways to impose a ceiling over your achievement. And it's not. There's no judgment when I say that, but you just have to realize you can't have it both ways. You can't be a highly ambitious person and not be willing to have people in your life that say the things that need to be said. You either embrace those people and embrace the feedback and say thank you and accept it, or just lower your aim and there's no right or wrong. But you've got to have an honest conversation about that.

Well. And those standards end up creating your ultimate outcomes. You know, one of these other things that you're doing that I think is like super duper exciting is this couples retreat.

Oh, yeah.

You do the goal setting. I hadn't heard of that before. I was briefly talking to you off air and I was like, you're doing. That's amazing. Like, no one does that. So how did this idea come up and kind of, why is it so powerful?

So from a high level, our business, we Formed the business based on the book. It's all about helping companies get clarity on what is their one thing. And all of you are going, well, we have more than one thing. Yeah, but there's an overarching one thing that all the other dominoes line up behind. We help people get clarity on what the one thing is and put the priorities in place and make sure that people are accountable to delivering what they need to do. But what we realize is man executives take retreats. They get off site so that they can get on the same page and they put a plan in place. Why don't we do that with our most important relationships? And my partner Jay, his wife, he and his wife Wendy for the last 15 years have hired a babysitter. They've gotten out of town and they had a couple's goal setting retreat. When people hear this idea, first and foremost, if you are one of a couple.

Your couple, your significant other probably is not a goal setter. In almost every case, the vast majority of people, I'd say about 80%, their significant other is not a goal setter. So they hear this idea and they go, oh my gosh, that sounds amazing. Oh, but my, my plus one isn't a goal setter. Welcome to the party. Two, they think, what happens if our goals aren't the same? And I'm just here to address these two right up front. One, you're a couple. Your significant other does not have to be a goal setter to do this. And two, it's not about your goals being the same. It's about having clarity on what your goals are so you can support each other. Because marriage is about compromise. So Jay and Wendy have been doing this for 15 years. People started asking them, what's your approach? How do you do this? What are the questions you ask? And they just started sharing these questions. And when we started the business, we just realized we spend so much time, or, excuse me, we invest so much time helping companies set and achieve goals. Why don't we help the individuals in those organizations set and achieve goals with the people that matter most?

Yeah.

So we've been doing this. This is our fourth or fifth year holding this retreat. It's. We'll have thousands of people from around the globe joining virtually. We'll have a few hundred people in person for VIP in November. It is hands down one of the most remarkable experiences that we deliver.

I can think about, you know, the times and the times in which we were all over top of a breakthrough. And then so my wife and I, for example, we're on the same page for the why, largely on the same page for the what. Very often not on page, not on the same page for the how. And I can tell you that when we were able to get on the same page for the how, in many respects, the limitation was just like, broken. It was just gone.

That's what this event does. Yeah.

It's most people in their relationships, they're going through life sitting in a traffic jam, just inching forward because of all the resistance and the friction. And when you actually get on the same page, not meaning that your goals are the same, but that you at least understand each other's and support each other's, it's like a brand new lane just opened up and it's the fast lane and you just start going. And so we've got tracks for couples, there's tracks for individuals, there's tracks for business partners. Because the methodology is the methodology. It's just how you apply it. But it's.

Let'S put it this way, impact is one of my core values. This is one of the things I'll go to the grave with a smile on my face.

That's awesome, man. That's awesome. One final question. I'll let you run. What is the lasting legacy you hope to leave in the world?

Purpose is part of the one thing. Figuring out what your purpose is, your big why. And I have really been intentional about developing my sense of purpose. And I've realized my greatest gift is to share ideas that change what people think is possible. So when I think about the legacy I want to leave, I want to have shared ideas that change what people think is possible. It's why I say yes to doing this type of thing, because I can share ideas. I guarantee I've said at least one thing on this conversation that made somebody go, huh? And the moment it challenged a preconceived belief, their ceiling just got to a higher level. So that's it, man.

I love it. I love it. Where can everybody find you?

Yeah. So first, if you're already subscribed to a podcast, I would just search for the one thing the O N E T H I N G. We have an episode every single week. You can check the book out as well. Our website's theonething.com that's with the number one in the URL and from the site, you can see Grow yourself is one of the tabs. You can learn more about the retreat there. Grow your business is more about how we apply this to the corporate setting. But that all starts@the1thing.com.

Love it, man. Love it, dude. Well, thank you so much for sharing so much wisdom with man today because I'm telling you what, I've had several ahas myself and I know the audience has had just as many.

What were your ahas?

My biggest aha today, I think was going to be in the fact of how I shape my relationship. I was thinking of my wife a lot.

And the power behind the times we were able to get on the same page versus not. If I'm being candid with you. I've already written down check out marriage retreat here.

One thing, the one thing.comsetmygoals. that's a direct URL.

Love it. So I'm gonna do that and then obviously to make sure that I'm being honestly, to make sure that I'm doing the right things as a mentor, to make sure I'm mentoring.

Well, can I add one more angle on that?

Absolutely.

So this is something we teach in the retreat before. We have people set long term goals, we give them some new ways to think about their goals. And one of the things we talk about is identifying who your wealth determiners are.

If you look at an org chart where there's you at the top, it's actually like a mirror. There's you at the center and there's people that are below you. That's who you determine wealth for. But on the inverse, there's also people who are above you, the people who determine wealth for you and for you.

You're never 100% the mentor and never 100% the mentee. You're always reaching up, looking for guidance to get to the next level. And you're always reaching back to the next generation to help pull them along. And it's the same thing here. When you look at your relationships. Who do you, Steven, determine wealth for? And it's not everybody. It's probably no more than five. But who are the real 20 percenters that you drive? 80% of that, and you might be missing some people. That's an aha in itself. And then asking the question, who's determining well for you, who are the people in your world that are expanding your mind that are helping take you to the next level? Yeah, it's a very interesting way to get purposeful about your relationships.

Homework. I've got my homework.

I appreciate you, brother. Thanks again for coming on.

Yeah, my pleasure.

Thanks.

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