The Mindset That Will Improve Your Life FAST!

I think everybody wants three things in life. I think they want success, however they define it. I think they want to be satisfied, so they want satisfaction. And the third S is we want service. We want to be of service to people because I think deep down inside everybody wants to make a difference and be of service. So it's like, how do you get all three of those S's? Well, my theory is that the secret is summed up in four words, which is do it your way. You have to do life your way. And I call that being a rebel. It's not just fully permission. It's like motivation to not just do career your way, do your whole life your way. Not just to be different, but because that's how you're going to make the absolute biggest impact of the world. That's how you're going to help people. That's why God made you that way, to go help a bunch of people. So don't fight the way he made you, bro.

Guys, I work with my good friend and the one and only Graham Cochran. Dude, what's going on, man?

Dude, I'm just living my best summer life right now. The kids are out of school, I just telling you. So we're just hanging with them. It's been great, bro. More. More family time, which I love.

Dude, I love it. Well, you know, speaking of family, you know, I know part of your story was, you know, kind of hidden rock bottom a little bit and then basically building a bit of a digital empire, you know, by kind of following your own way in your own set of rules, if you will. I'm curious to know, did you have to fight a lot of, well, naysayers, family, friends and kind of saying, hey, don't do this. You should do that kind of concept and kind of. What did that look like for you?

Yeah, man. I mean, that's 2009. We moved to Tampa, my wife and I, and we were coming down here with some friends to start a church. And it was like I was going to be the volunteer worship leader at the church. And so we're all like, hey, we're young. We'll just quit our jobs, we'll move across the country. We'll find new jobs in the middle of a global crisis. And. And it'll be fine, you know, It'll be fine. And so the order of events was real simple. It was, I. We moved, I got a job, I bought a house. Our first daughter was born. And then I lost my job, which is usually not the order you want to do it. And I had lost two jobs during 10 months. One in Virginia, where we came from, and then the one here in Tampa when we moved. And so that's when I was unemployed. We had some savings. I was unemployed for. Well, I mean, I've still been unemployed.

That was 2009. Yeah.

So it's been a while. But. But as the money was running out, right. The question was, am I going to hook for another job? And, and I, I had this crazy idea why I thought, you know, I would start a business. Even though I, I was scared out of my mind. I didn't know a single entrepreneur, but I had this, this feeling that God was saying, hey, now's the time to try something creative, like. And so to your question, yeah, everybody thought I was crazy except for my wife. And thank God she supported me, even.

Though she got to be a Proverbs 31 then.

She is, man. And she was just as scared as me. But it's like she, she had that same trust and peace that like, hey, there's something here. Let's like, let's give it a shot. But it was like those holidays and when you're seeing your in laws, seeing my grandfather in law, like Shay's grandfather, he lived down here and he'd be like, are you getting a job? Are you taking care of my granddaughter? And to tell them, I know, to tell them, no, bro, I started a blog about audio recording. He's like, well, how's that going to make money? I was like, I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out. So yeah, man, it was, it was hard. I felt very lonely because I didn't have a lot of confidence and belief in myself because I'd never done it before and nobody else did either.

Yeah, no. Well, the reason I asked you that question is I feel like a lot of us get stuck there. And I know one of the things that you've basically dedicated your life to now is, is helping people, you know, create businesses, digital businesses from scratch, giving them the insights, helping them understand platforms and the use of the platforms and how communities can get built. And you know, I, I heard a recent show you did talking about, I think it was Pat Flynn that I think that was on about, you know, digital economy's dead. And you know, and you were like, no, heck no, it's not dead. Like I did really well last week. And, and you just, it's just a matter of building it right and, and building it with structure and intensity. And more importantly, I think when I think this reoccurring theme. And I'm so excited about this new book you got coming out, Rebel. Man, I'm, I'm like stoked. I've got my pre orders in.

I'm waiting. Thank you, man.

I've got my. I'm waiting. Although I think we need to add one thing under for bulk book buys on the landing page. I'm just putting that out there. But yeah, no, I, I'm super excited because there is a truth about following it your own way. And I know you referenced Jesus a couple times in, in our conversations and in the content I've heard you produce. Like, help me understand the concept behind Rebel and why you've seen it being the rebel be so effective for people who are redesigning their life or building digital businesses or, you know, kind of. What, what, what led you to all this?

Yeah, man. Well, I think, I think the reason most people are frustrated in life outside of the things that are outside of our control. I think half of the reason, at least of why we're frustrated in life is because we're living out of alignment with the way we're designed and wired. And it's really easy to do that, right, because there's a lot of pressures externally and internally to conform, to do what everyone else is doing. And the way I imagine it is like a river or a stream. It's flowing and that's a current of conformity. And like we're in the stream and if you don't do anything, you're moving somewhere and you're moving where everyone else is going. You're going to parent the way they parent. You're going to spend your money the way they spend their money. You're going to think about the way you manage your time and your business or whatever. It's all going to look the same because you're flowing that direction. And, and that makes sense because like, it takes effort to swim upstream to be different. And we don't have, most of us don't have the energy. I mean, like, we're exhausted. Like, if you're just trying to scrape by, you're exhausted. And I think we abdicate our decision making just out of necessity. Like, well, how do they do it? What is she doing? How does he run his business? Is that what you do on social media? Is that what marriage is supposed to look like? Okay, I guess. And so unless you're really, really deep into the personal development space and really carve out time for deep inner work, most people, even if they want to, don't. I think we're all going to start to look the same. And that's why we're frustrated. So it's, I think of it, Stephen is like, is a stupid analogy, but it makes sense to me and it works. Which is in my kitchen, I have an espresso maker, like an automatic espresso maker, where you, like, you pour the beans in the top, it grinds it up.

Yeah.

You know, and it spits out a cappuccino or macchiato, Americano, espresso, whatever you need. Next to it, I have a blender, and my wife uses it to make green juice and smoothies and all the healthy stuff. It's as if my espresso maker were looking at the blender and saying, I want to make a smoothie. Yeah. Like I could make a smoothie. Right. Like, everybody loves smoothies. I'm just like, the blender. We're the same, right? We both have a hole in the top where you put food in. We both have a blade that chops it up. Like, come on, why can't I do this? Let me do this thing. And yet you and I both know, right? If we put frozen strawberries and bananas and protein powder and almond milk at the top of my espresso maker, hit the button, right? At best, what's going to come out of this machine is going to taste disgusting. And at worst, the machine's going to break. And I think that's how we're living our lives. I think at best, when we were looking at everyone else and trying to like, is this how life's supposed to look? At best, what comes out just doesn't work. But at worst, we're breaking and a lot of us are breaking right now. So Rebel is really all about alignment. It's about figuring out who the heck you are. And the language there is real simple, is like, everyone's going one way. So to figure out who you are, you gotta be a rebel. You gotta go a different direction. You gotta bring your full, truest self to the table. And, and you got to figure that out first. That's why the subtitles. Find yourself by not following the crowd. Once you find yourself, then you can start to show up in all areas of life the way I think God wired you. And that's when the frustrations really melt away and you can start to feel like, ah, this is the way life's supposed to be for me, uniquely.

Dude, that's so good. You know, I, I, I quoted this stat before on my show before, but, and I think it was 2019.

Time magazine con joined together with, did a Harris poll, and they found out that 70% of the people responded. Basically they were living an unfulfilled life. I mean, there's a lot of data there, but if you want to kind of dig into it. And of the 30% that they surveyed that said, no, dude, I love life, life's amazing, you know, they were doing things that they absolutely love doing that were. Was in complete congruence with who they are. You know, and I've always said, just like you said in the simplest forms, like, you know, a lot of times the reason life is not fulfilling is because we're living someone else's life. Yeah. You know, painters being attorneys, and attorneys aren't being painters and, you know, digital creators aren't being. And sometimes I also think there's a, there's a discovery process, which I'm really excited because I know you also share this belief with me.

Let's if, if we're trying to move people from incongruence to alignment and complete congruent so they can really figure out who they are, why they're here, and what to do about it, you know, what is the first. A few of the first steps. I know we can't touch on the entirety of the book. What are some of the things you talk about?

Yeah, absolutely. And that stat is staggering. I've heard very similar things. Yeah. So in the book, I walk through a process I call the Rebel Framework. It's just an acronym, the word rebel, R, E, B E L. Five steps. And it's kind of like a coaching session in a book. So, you know, if you do the whole book, you'll have the most transformation. But even if you just did one letter of the Rebel Framework, like, you're going to have deeper insight to yourself. And my premise is that the better you know yourself, the better you can start design life around the way you actually are, not the way you wish you were. It's. You are who you are, and that's the way God made you. And it's strategic to make a big impact on the world. Right. So the, the R in Rebel and where we start is, is resolves to resolve to dream again. And this is a big piece. So like, and some people wig out when, when you hear the word dream. And I was one of those people. So I understand if you're like, yeah, dreaming, that sounds stupid. And I say in the book, like, dreaming is, isn't foolish. It's actually foundational to who you are. I believe that the dreams we have and if you don't like the language, Dream, desire, hope, want, things. You, You.

Aspiration, vision.

Aspiration. Yeah. Any of those words work. I believe that dreams are giant clues as to the way we're wired. So the first thing we have to do is, is ask the question, what do we want?

Yeah.

Not just so that we can go get everything we want, but so that we can better understand ourselves. And I think of a dream as like a 30,000 foot view. And some of my dreams may not come to reality, but they tell me who I am and what I like, and that informs other dreams. Some of those dreams, we do need to, like, get down on the ground, actually make a reality. But I'll give you an example. Like, my dream growing up was to be a rock star. Like, straight up. I wanted to be a famous musician or at least die trying. Like, I wanted at least try to make a living. Because I was a music guy, I knew I wouldn't fit a traditional job. I just was a creative. So I was a theater kid. I was in musicals. I was on stage. I was writing, like, comedy songs of, like, popular songs for my school. Like, I was always just the performer guy.

Yeah.

And so I made a run at it. Stephen. In college, I had a mentor who really believed in my songs. He's like, bro, let's give a shot at this. Let's get a producer out of Nashville. Let's make a record, let's. I'll pull out any of my old, like, label contacts and let's make a run at it. So I made an album and I'm really pursuing it. Long story short, my goal was to sign a record deal by my senior year of college because I was engaged to be married to Shay at the time. We met really young, dated through college, and so I need. I needed some advance money.

Yeah.

And so when I was starting to hear back from the labels, it was like, no, no, not interested. Or I was being offered these development deals which are like, hey, we like what you're doing. We'll sign you, but there's no advance money. We'll just sort of see what you do, and then we'll put fuel on the fire if we think you're doing great stuff. And I was like, yeah, I. I need a job. Like, I need money. So when I saw that there was no real opportunities actually happening, I had to make a decision. And I came to what I call in the book, the Identity Crisis Intersection. And Steven, maybe you've been at this because I know your story is crazy.

Where A thousand percent. Yeah. Yeah.

Or like, you have a dream and everyone's been here. At some point, you have a dream, and that dream might be like. For me, it was like a career dream. I want to be a rock star. It might be a financial dream. I want to buy a house. It might be a relationship dream. I want to get married or have a kid. And then that dream dies for whatever reason. So either you had the dream and it slipped away, or you didn't quite get the dream, like me with the Rockstar thing. But at some point, you realize that dream is not happening, or it's gone, or the marriage ends, or you lose the child or the business fails or you go bankrupt or whatever. Devastating. This is a really tender spot for people because. And I call it the identity crisis intersection. Because when your dream dies, part of you dies with it. Because our dreams aren't just these external things. Right. They're part of who we are. That's why it's so painful. And that's why it's also so wonderful when a dream comes true, because it's part of who we are. It's not all of who we are. It's not our identity, but it's connected. So when you're at this point, dream dies. You are like a fork in the road, is the way I imagine it. You have, like, two choices. You can either go left, and that is the path of conformity. Like, okay, forget dreaming. That was stupid. I'm not doing that again. I'm just gonna put my head down to be a good person, to pay my taxes and just be content like everybody else, like they say I should. That was me. When the Rockstar thing didn't happen, I was, like, genuinely shocked. Not that I was arrogant, but all my whole life was pointing to this moment, like, this is going to happen. This is the only thing I'm good at, you know? And. And it didn't happen. I was like, wow. I told everybody I was going to do this, and they kept asking me, how's it going? Have you gotten the record deal? And I was so embarrassed. Yeah. And ashamed and, like, confused. And I was angry at. God. I had a lot of just weird emotions. So I put my head down for four years and just floated. I mean, I got a job and took care of my wife, but I was really unhappy. That's one choice. And a lot of times with a relationship, if you. If you had a divorce or a person walk out on you, like, that's it. I'm not doing that again. I'm not getting married again. I'm not entering a relationship again. It's just too painful. Right. So we conform. That's a choice. You could take that choice. I took that choice. But you have another choice.

Yeah.

And that is you can dream again.

Yeah.

You could dream again. And that means either pursue the same dream a hundredth time, a thousandth time, or look for another dream or another version of the dream. And Steven, that's what happened to me in 2009, 2010 when I started my first business. I didn't really know what I was doing, but I got into a music related business. Teaching everything I know about music. Helping musicians, helping my own music. And it was almost like a backdoor into the music industry. And I ended up being one of the most influential people online in the music industry and met some of my heroes, but not the way I thought. It was his back door. And I was still performing and creating a non traditional work and made way more money than being a musician. So it's way better in the end. But I, I learned that I could dream something new and that's turned into newer dreams. To be a business coach and now to be an author and speaker. It's just like, oh, it's so much more fulfilling to dream again than to just conform. And that's a big thing I try to get people to do in that r. That resolve to dream again part.

Dude, I absolutely love all of that. You know, I was, my brain was like going so many different directions. The first of which I think is I want to give the audience permission to be in that funky monkey middle. Yeah, right. Where it's not, where it's not clicking. You're not, you're unsure, you're, you know, only because I actually feel like that's part of the process, that's part of the discovery process is to get. Is to get so uncomfortable that you're forced to kind of quote unquote, get comfortable with the new right. We think you've heard the uncomfortable, comfortable thing many times. I'm sure the other thing too that I think is really interesting and this is what I love about you and, and the work you've been doing and now the work you're doing with Rebel is in every single aspect that you're doing, even including the story you just shared. You're basically taking this. You've got to the two lanes less traveled. Right. You got the lanes that takes you further away from your dreams and aspirations and the lanes that take you closer. Right. Rebel, in all the work you're doing is building a bridge. So if you're, if you're in the middle of that, that funky place and you know you've been stuck, you know you've been uncertain, you know, you know you're not measuring up to you, your dreams and aspirations. Here's a book, here's a guy, here's some resources to help you get there. And you know what I'm also really excited about is with, with Rebel and you, you went. And of course I went into pre order so I got me some bonuses coming my way, you know. But our mutual friend John Gordon, I know you guys work together on some projects and stuff like that that come go alongside the book. And the one thing that I love about this, the entirety of that process of recognizing where you are being okay with it. So you're not, you're not letting guilt and shame and condemnation really seep into your heart because it's very easy to get stuck there. Because to your point, I get stuck. I know I did for really two reasons. One was lack of focus. I just got so busy with life, I was just, I wasn't paying attention. You know, I. That's one of the reasons even today I have a bit of a dream board just to put stuff up there, to kind of have it there, just to kind of keep it top of mind so I don't let life get in the way too much. And the second thing is life events. There are serious life events that. Yes. You know, that really challenge your heart and your mind and your soul at any given time, you know, but at the end of the day, all it takes is one decision to aim back at your dream.

Yeah.

You know, so as we kind of talk through our. Let's go ahead and go to the E real fast and kind of like do a little bit of a deep dive because I, I feel like we're on a good tracker because. I know I could say it's funny, I can sense right now there's people that are going to be listening and watching right now that are like, I have been. I'm here right now and I'm tired of being here. Right. So let's break it down some more.

Yeah, man. No, that's so good. Yeah. So the E is, is so if, if the dreaming again, resolving to dream again is. I think of it like you're on an airplane, 30,000 foot view. I can look down and go, oh, wow. Yeah. Those are things I dream about, care about. And they could be big, they could be small. That's helpful. To a degree, but it still seems like out of reach or just, you know, elusive. The E is to establish. Establish the outcomes you want in life. And so I think, I think of life in terms of six core areas. I know people chop it up at eight, nine different ways, but in the book, I posit six areas that are, meaning me, your work, the way you think about money, your time, how you choose to manage your time, your health, physical and mental, your relationships, and then your spirituality. So if I look at my life, I chop it up in those six large areas. And so what I do in the E. In the book is let's, let's take it from the 30,000 Foot View dream. Maybe you have a dream to start a business. Maybe it's a dream to pay off all your debt. I know you had George Camel on the show and maybe it's a dream to, to start a family. You know, maybe it's a dream to move to another part of the world and just have a new environment. Whatever that dream is, we have to, like, put it on the ground and, and get a vision for it. So E is really about vision to me. It's establishing the outcomes we're looking at the end. And I think you're just like me, man. You're so successful probably because you reverse engineer things like, okay, if I want that, what do I have to do to get there After a lot of pain. Yeah, well, that's what makes it all the sweeter, right? It's like you had the pain and now you have, you know, yet your life now. But I. One of the best, one of the best things that I, I learned from. I don't know if you're familiar with Rich Litvin. He's a brilliant coach. He wrote the prosperous Coach, Fantastic book for anyone who's doing coaching. But he teaches something that he called the best three years of your life framework. And so I stole it from him and I credit him in the book. But I've worked with Rich and it's been the most useful vision casting tool for me. So, for example, like, some people have 10 year goals, Stephen, and I just, I can't do 10.

They're too far. They're too far out. Too many things change.

Yeah, right. I'm going to be a totally different season of life. I'm going to be a totally different person. If you think about 10 years ago, what was your life like 10 years ago? You know, it's a total.

Last year, my life was completely different.

Yeah.

Last year, like, I'm living a Totally different life. This in 2024. That was living in 2023, which is nuts, dude.

That is nuts. So that's real. So 10 years are too far. And also to your point, if you're not very focused or if you're unmotivated, a 10 year goal isn't going to motivate most people because it's, there's just no, there's no pressure or urgency because it' got 10 years. Some people do like in January, the, the New Year's resolutions. This year I'm going to change all these things and I like that for urgency creation. But it's hard to. It's really hard to get a lot done in 12 months. You can, but it's hard. And so a lot of people just give up because they get discouraged. So what Rich talks about is the, the magical three year mark. And I think he's right. The three years is a really great time horizon to, to start to vision cast. So three years from now I'm close enough to my current season of life. If you have kids, you probably know ish their ages are going to be kind of similar to what they are now. You can kind of, you can kind of see it. But at the same time, bro, you and I both know we can get a lot of damage done in 36 months, right?

Yeah, absolutely.

You can change your body, you can change your marriage, you can change your finances. I mean, it's 36.

It took about 3, 36 months to exit the business I just sold.

Yeah, dude, I remember you talking about that a year and a half ago. Like that's a. But that's a life changing event. So the idea is real simple. It's a simple question and anybody can journal this prompt out. And so Steve will role play it as you and me, which is imagine it's three years from now and you and I bump into each other. We're at like a Mastermind event or the airport or whatever.

Yep.

And I'm like, stephen, how the heck are you, bro? And you're like, graham, this has been the best three years of my life. Yeah, that's we. Since I was. You were on the show, it's been the best three years of my life. And I'm so excited for you. I'm like, that's fricking amazing. Tell me all about it. Why has it been the best three years of your life? That past tense. It's been the best three years of my life because blank is such a powerful prompt and most people think, oh, I can come up with a couple of things. But if you, if you force yourself to sit with it for 30 minutes, an hour.

Yeah.

And really think about what would have to be true for you to say that to someone, that it's been the best three years of my life. And you get to think about your whole life. I mean, it's not business, it's not just merit, it's all of it. And if you've started with the dreaming exercise I have in the book, like, you're going to already have some fodder for that. Like, well, I did say I want this to be true. This to be true. I don't know when, but now you could pull out the ones that you really want to be true in three years.

Yeah.

And that's where you start to get a list of like bullet points for me and my client. I do this with clients too. And it's very interesting what comes up for them because sometimes they have generic goals. I want to make 100k a month. I want to do 10 million, whatever it is. But when they do this exercise, they realize, well, I want to spend more time with my kids. I don't want to live where I live. I want to live by the beach. I want to. You start to get some clarity on like, what really would be life giving and how much money it takes to do that or what. And it focuses you. And that's really what the E is all about, is getting it in front of you. Like, this is the vision I have for my life related to what matters to me.

Yeah. Dude, that is so good. You know, it's funny. The most underrated, like, superpower on the planet, in my opinion, is time with your God. And eat pad and a pen.

Yes. Come on now. You know, every day, every day I do it. Yeah.

Because I, I think you and I share this, this thing. Most of everything you need from life is already inside of you. And it's about discovering it and pulling it outside and bringing it in the manifestation, if you will, or into the world. And I believe that's how we bring the kingdom of heaven to earth, is we, we, we, we work with, with the Holy Spirit. We're. And we're constantly refining and tooling. And I would actually, I did this this morning, so because we're brothers in Christ and stuff like that, I'll share this with you. I haven't been far from God at all. Restricts what means, but I haven't been communicating as much as I had been for probably the last several months. Maybe because I'M the exit and kind of, you know, just kind of retooling life and moving across the country and all these things. Right. But I sat down this morning before I went into the gym. They have a local gym here in Utah called Vasa. It's a major gym chain, which is, that's a. For, for the record, it's a really nice gym. But before I went in there, I was like, lord, I just, I just want to make sure I'm still in your will. Like make sure the choices I'm making or what you want me to make. Making sure the path that I'm on is, Is what? Desire for your heart? Because there's a. To your point, there's a lot of things we could be doing, can do. Most of us are not paying attention to rot AKA return on time. You know, we're, we're investing my. I've shared this before on the show. My oldest boy in North Carolina. You know, the one thing, this is a life changing principle with me. It's changed how I conduct my life now in general. And he would, he would say he's very pleased with the fact that he, 1, he had the boldness and courage to say this and two, that I did something with it. And he said this, he said, the greatest gift you could ever give us is to be more present when you're present.

Wow.

Think about that. That's a return on time.

Yep.

And. And it caused me to shift that. You know, people don't care about the quality of time they care about. I'm sorry, the quantity of time they care about. The quality of time. Yes. Shifted things. Right. So if you're asking me that same three year vision, I'm going to say, you know what, it's been amazing because I've, you know, I finally got through my thick skull that family is important to me. And you know, some me, me and the boys and Chassis and her boys were. We're all going out and we're, we're going on a family vacation and once a year, annual, like a big giant family reunion. You know, I've, I've managed to help thought leaders create monetized businesses for themselves. They're ma. Making a massive impact. Right. My relationship with God is super dialed in and super tight. You know, those would be the types of things that would be in my heart, my mind now, three years ago it would have been, no, I got to exit, I got to exit this business. I know, I know I need to spend more time with my family. I'm trying to figure that out. I'm always under duress and stress because of that.

You know, so I like the fact of setting the outcomes. Are you someone who also believes and once you set the outcomes that you put them in some place where you have to review them on a regular basis?

Yes, exactly. So I, I call this setting up stones of remembrance in the book. So it's a lot like when the Israelites are crossing over the Jordan River. They've finally been in the wilderness. If you read your Bible, right, Like they, they were circling around the wilderness for 40 years. They finally get to the promised land. And so Moses has died and so Joshua is now the leader and there's this beautiful moment where they cross over the Jordan river and he says, hey, I want you guys to get 12 stones out of the Jordan river, one to represent each of the 12 tribes of Israel. And we're going to keep these as stones of remembrance so that when your kids who never wandered through the desert or don't remember it say, what the heck are these stones about, dad? You can say, you know what these stones represent? When God brought us out of the wilderness and we crossed over the Jordan river into this land he promised. It's a remembrance of the vision we had for God's faithfulness and his provision in the promised land. So I call it setting up stones of remembrance stones because that makes sense to me visually. But it can be literally like you have, you're talking about your dreams on your board. It can be sticky notes. Sometimes I'll even have Stephen like a sticky note on my computer. That's not just the three year vision, but it's when I've drilled it down to my day to day vision. Like what will create that three year vision. And I think I stole this from Tim Ferriss years ago from the four hour workweek. But a to do list and a not to do list every day.

And just like to remind you I'll say no to list. Yeah, yep.

Don't do this. This is not going to lead you to your vision. It's a giant waste of time or whatever. But yeah, I think having the visuals and this is especially true for me because I, I can get so fired up and excited about something, Stephen, and then I'm the next day I totally forget like what God told me. And I can be so down and be like, this is never going to happen. I don't know. I literally told my wife this weekend. I just had a bunch of guys over for a Mastermind event here in Tampa and it was so good. But by the next day, I was like, what am I doing? Was this even good? And she's like, what's your problem? Like, go for a run or something.

Get out of here again.

I know, I know. She's like, what are you talking about? You said it was amazing and it was amazing. But, you know, my emotions can lie to me. And so that's why having the vision and having it in front of you just reminds you if you have a great start to your day. For example, you talking about you're starting your morning right? And I have in the book, I share my. I call it my weight morning method. It's another acronym. But how I do my morning routine, I think we could start mornings well, and that's great, but then it's easy to get sidetracked or derailed or whatever. And so it's. How do you get back on track throughout the day? And that's where a stone of remembrance can help you get focused again. This is my mission. This is what I'm all about today. Family, business, helping people, a happy client or customer just gets you right back in the mood.

Yeah, dude, it's so good. I was thinking, you know, it all of this wrapped it together. You know, choosing to pick up the book, choosing to go through the process of self discovery, especially if you're in this stuck state and you feel like you've been spinning your wheels for a little while, is super important. The morning routine is super important. Stones of remembrance, super. Like, we start looking at all this, the one thing they all share in common is focused, intensity or intentionality. Right? You're. You are now going from kind of like living the automated life. I wake up, I get a cup of coffee, maybe I walk the dog, I hop on a conference call, I look at my calendar. My calendar says I go to here and do this, you know, to. All right, I'm waking up. I'm getting my prayer meditation time in. I'm protecting my body, my mind, my soul. I'm going to put stuff in my. In my brain every single day that's going to help develop me. I'm going to be more intentional with my kids, more intentional with my partner, my spouse. I'm gonna. I'm gonna really start to design my life. And I think as the more and more I understand how you see the world and the lens in which you're sharing this message through Rebel is a way to actually design your life, not to automate your life. Right? Nope. You know, so just talk from the heart for Just a minute. Because I could. I could see it kind of bubbling up, you know. So why. Why rebel? Like, why is. Why is this book so important to you?

Yeah, man. So you mentioned John Gordon. I spent a day with John because I thought I was going to ask him for advice on, like, being a great speaker. Like, show me. Yeah, yeah.

Tell me how to do it.

Yeah.

I was like, what's the secret?

How do I do like you do?

And.

And he was like, well, what's the message of your next book? So my first book had just come out, and that's all about the business model I teach, and online business stuff. And I was like, oh, bro, I just. It was like nine months ago. Let me just rest. I just released a book. Like, it was a big deal. And he was. He was so adamant about what's the message of your next book? And I was like, man, I don't know. There's a lot of things I could write about. I could do more business stuff. And so we had lunch, we're talking, and I wasn't getting anywhere. And so he finally said, well, like, just tell me your life story. Okay, let's just start from the beginning. What's your life story? So I'm walking through my life story. High school, you know, the guidance counselor is, like, upset that I haven't applied to a single college. And I'm like, I'm not going to go to college because I'm going to be a rock star. Why do I need college? And she's like, you will go to college. And my parents, like, you got to go to college. And. And then when the rock star thing doesn't happen, and, like, I'm bouncing around from job to job. And then I. I moved to start a church when people thought I was crazy. And then I. I didn't pursue a job when I lost a job, but I started a blog. They thought I was crazy. Even when my first business blew up and I was doing seven figures after seven years of it, I was like, I'm bored with this. I want to be a business coach. People thought I was crazy. Like, why are you leaving the business? I was telling him my story. He said, bro, you're a rebel. I was like, what? He's like, yeah, you don't do what people tell you to do, do you? Like, that's like, the theme of your whole life. And that was. That was where the name came from. So I credit John and I. That's why I asked him to write the forward, because he was there the day that the idea came up and I. I said, bro, you know, that's not language I've ever used for myself. But you just, in one word, gave me language for how I feel about my life. Which is, you know, how most rebels in history, whether it's Martin Luther King Jr. Jesus Christ, Steve Jobs, anyone who came on the scene and did things differently or had a different vision against the current norms of the day, people didn't like them at the time.

Yeah.

But then years later, people think they're geniuses, you know, and. And. And I was. I kind of feel like that's me. Not an arrogant way. But. Yeah, thank you. That sounded really arrogant coming out. But I feel like I was like, no, I. I'm not trying to be. I'm not trying to be, like, a rebel in the sense that I just want to break the rules and just be different. That I just feel like I'm. I'm not the same as everyone else around me. And I'm sure I believe that God designed me a certain way. There's a path. And. And so what fires me up, Steven, to your point, is I think everybody wants three things in life. I think they want success, however they define it. I think they want to be satisfied. So they want satisfaction. Because those are two different things. You could be successful and not satisfied.

Bro, I made some money and was not happy, right?

Oh, yeah. And that. That blows people's minds because, like, no way. But then they get it and like, oh, I'm not satisfied. So we want success and satisfaction. And the third S is we want service. We want to be of service to people. Because I think deep down inside, everybody wants to make a difference and be. Be of service. So it's like, how do you get all three of those S's? Well, my theory is, the secret is summed up in four words, which is do it your way. You have to do life your way. And I call that being a rebel. The only way that you, Steven, my theory is, are going to be successful and satisfied and have the most service to other people is to do life and business and family the Steven Scoggins way. And so that's what rebel's all about, is like, if you're stuck, like you said before, if you feel frustrated, if you feel like there's more to you, if you feel like, hey, I've done some great things, but maybe I'm in this sort of midlife crisis. Or maybe you're 18 years old and you just graduated high school, and you're like, I don't like the prescribed paths everyone's putting in front of me and I don't feel like they fit me. And you intuitively know you're made for something a little different.

Yeah.

Rebel is all about giving you permission a to be yourself.

Yeah.

And then tools to figure that out. Because people like how do I figure out who I am? It's a bunch of tools. It's. If you do the book, you'll figure it out. But then once you do the tools, then it's not just only permission, it's like motivation to not just do career your way, do your whole life your way. Not just to be different, but because that's how you're going to make the absolute biggest impact of the world. That's how you're going to help people. That's why God made you that way to go help a bunch of people. So don't fight the way he made you, bro.

Yeah, dude. Again, I love this kind of stuff. It's funny, I was just thinking too, you know, there is a. I think there's a right way to be a rebel and a wrong way to be a rebel. And I'll try to break this apart. The wrong way to be a rebel is to shiply show up an ego. I know it all. I know everything about me. I'm gonna do it my way. I'm not gonna take any advice, that kind of thing. There's the. What I believe the right way to be a rebel is, is yes. You become more and more self aware of your God given talent, your strengths and resources. You put those in the service of others and somehow through the byproduct of making impact a massive income comes along with the fulfillment and the satisfaction. Right. So the success that you think you want is often a mirage of the success you actually will, that will actually fulfill you. Right. And on top of being coming kind of the rebel the right way. To me the, the doing the rebel the right way is actually getting the quality mentorship and coaching needed to help bring that stuff out of you. You mentioned John Gordon. I know you and I have been part of different masterminds and stuff like that that have just people pouring in and like looking at things from a different angle. And you, I mean you just got through bringing it up. Like John helped you like summarize your who one word, you know, and that clarity has power.

It does. Because a lot of times you can't pull it all out of yourself. Right. But the. So I love that distinction. Here's another challenge though, Stephen, because I I'll. Not that I'm pushing back on that, but this is my challenge because it's a reality and you've seen it too. Like you can have good coaches and good people speaking into your life and then bad coaches. And then I think there's a third option which is good coaches who just ultimately, end of the day, they aren't you and they don't fully know you. So there's something I talk about in the book called the two way mirror of meaning. And this is hard when you're starting out. I think the, the more deeper work you do, the better you can get past this problem. The two way mirror of meaning is simple. It's like a two way mirror in a police office, right. Or police station where you're on one side, I can see through the glass. On the other side, the guy can't see through the glass looks like a mirror. I think the way we look at life sometimes we're like, hey, give me advice, what should I do? We're on the see through side and we're trying to do this internal work and we think we're looking at a mirror, but we're really seeing through and we're seeing people on the other side. So we just see them the way they do their life and we're like, I guess that's what I should do. And then we ask them for a feedback or help and they're looking back on the reflective side and they only see themselves. So they say, well, do what I'm doing. This is what's worked for me. This is what I think. And it becomes this self, you know, repeating mechanism. So there is a process in which you could even have good counsel, but it's counsel that really doesn't make sense for you at the end of the day because of the way you're wired. So it does take a level of like next level maturity of knowing yourself to be able to then I think, take good coaching and take masterminding. Well, it's easy to get in front of a coach or a mastermind if you're new and be overwhelmed and just assume they know everything and you know nothing. I do think you need to bring a little bit of clarity about who you are to their advice so then you can receive it filtered in with what you know to be true about yourself, with humility. Because humility is the key that unlocks every door. I'm with you 100%. Yeah, but, but it really is like having a little bit of ownership in this space too, of like, I'M not just going to blindly do what people tell me to do. That's still abdicating, even out of humility. That's where I've. I've leaned to that my whole life because I usually assume everyone else is smarter than me. And you might lean to one side of the spectrum or the other, but there's a. I think a healthy middle where I know who I am, but I want to receive. Like, if I'm in a room with you, bro, I'm going to shut my mouth and ask you to just, like, tell me what you know, because you've walked through so many powerful things up and down that I know I can learn a ton from a guy like you. But interestingly enough, you're in. My lives are different, and we're not going to be the same person. And so it's like, okay, how do I filter that into Graham's world? And that's. That's actually fun once you get into it, but it's hard at first. But I'm with you. Coaches, mentorship, even. Just a friend that you could say, hey, you know me well. Here's what I'm thinking. Here's the pros and cons. Anything come up for you in this? And I'll throw one final thing in here, Steven. If. If you're a person of faith and you listen to God's voice, have somebody else who's a person of faith who listen to God's voice. Because what I'll. I'll come to a friend or my wife and say, hey, I feel like God told me this. What do you think? And they're like, I don't feel like it sounds like God's voice to me. Like, or maybe it does, you know? And so if they listen to the Holy Spirit, I listen to the Holy Spirit. We can kind of just confirm if I'm hearing something correctly. And that can be helpful, too, dude.

A thousand percent. In fact, that made. That made me think of a principle I kind of live by. I call it the grocery store principle. Right. So I'll take a step back. There's a reason you went to John, for John's advice, because you obviously had already developed a level of trust with John. You know, you guys are on similar. Similar spiritual paths. You're able to look at John's life, even knowing his backstory, that he's very open and vulnerable about early days, long before he became uber successful, build a fantastic family, 20 some year marriage and the whole deal, right? And you're like, you're like, there's a. There has to be a part of you that says, that guy is living a life like I want to live or with elements of my life that I want to live. So with that in mind, there's. There's probably reasons why you turned away from other opportunities. The other. Because we both know people that are uber successful in personal development space, actually in all kinds of business spaces, to be honest. I mean, that are just. And some of them, like, I. I don't want to get. There's. There's something about what I'm seeing that I'm like, that's incongruent with what I know about myself to be true and what I think God knows about me to be true. So I kind of look at the grocery store shelf, meaning at any point in time, you're walking down the aisles to the left and to the right. You got cereal on one side, oatmeal down at the bottom. You got crackers and cookies and all this kind of stuff. And at any point in life, like, you. You're ready for different nutrients, so to speak. So, yes, let's say you pick a jar off the shelf and you pull it down. You're looking at the labels and it's like, I don't know, Jane Doe. You're like, ah, you know Jane Doe, you know, she's got a lot of things I like, but there's enough incongruence where, I don't know, this makes sense. I'm gonna put it back on the shelf and you look over to the side. Oh, John. John Gordon.

Man.

Man, He's.

Wow.

Uber successful entrepreneur, uber successful author, uber successful speaker. One of the most humble and gifted men I know on the planet. He cares deeply about God. He cares deeply about his faith. He cares deeply about his. You know, you see what I'm saying? So therefore. And then John, you know, pours into you, however he shares and. And I know John will have to know. And you know this as well. John's more than happy to ping pong. John learns every day from everyone.

Yep.

You know, which I think is a great principle for all of us. But then you can say, okay, well, John gave me these five or six things that I've got. Like, he says, I want you to kind of work on or consider these. And he uses works like Explore, Consider, Discover. Right. Consider these things. Then you take those things back, you take that magic ink pad and a pencil, and you sit down with God and you go, God, is this true?

Yeah.

Is there some. Is there something more Here. Is there something deeper I need to dig into? Like, talk to me a little bit. And for. Somehow you merge that with a Rebel framework and you're going to walk out with a pretty organized strategical plan on what you need to do. Because I've always said that there's three really important questions in life. Who am I? Why am I here? And the most important is what do I do about it? And what do I do about. It's always factored in with service, you know, and.

Oh, that's so good.

That's one of the reasons I love what you're doing. Not just with the, with your help with entrepreneurs and how you help them build businesses, but specifically Rebel, Because I believe the world is missing a bigger bridge. Right. And I want, I want our listeners and our audience to really, really think about are they being congruent? Because if they're not going to be congruent, they're not going to be effective.

Bro, that's so good. You said it like those two questions. I write about them in the book because the late Dan Miller talks about them a lot. Who, who am I? And why am Is like the two most important questions to ask. And I think Rebel is trying to help you answer those two questions. And then to your point about what do I do about it, I think about this random story in the Bible where Jesus goes to this. This town and there is a demon possessed man who's so strong, nobody can like, bind him. And so, and they. People leave him alone because he's kind of super strong and crazy. And Jesus, like, heals him and, and expel. The demon's gone and the guy's like, so thankful for a million reasons, of course. And he begs Jesus like, can I come with you and your followers? Like, I just want to follow you. And Jesus says no. He says no, bro. And instead he says, go back home to, I think, The Decapolis, the 10 cities where you're from, and tell them everything that God did for you. And this is what I believe the premise at the end of Rebel, we're supposed to do. If you do all the stuff in Rebel, if you find yourself, who am I? Why am I here? And like, you're creating your values and all these beautiful things we do in the book and you're. You're doing an inner story audit and all these cool things we unpack. What's the purpose? The purpose isn't just so you just go live your best life.

Yeah.

The purpose is actually so you go back to the life that you're from, to the family, to your customers, to your commuter, wherever you are. But you bring your truest self back to them.

Yeah, right.

Like, they need the real you to come out and play. Not fake you. Not the impressive you, not the insecure you that you cover up with. Different things. The world that you're a part of right now, the people that know you and interact with you, they need the real, full you to come out and play because it's going to impact and help them. So it's like, don't change your life and then go live a separate, like, identity somewhere else. It's really going back to where God already had you and being that full, truest version of yourself. And that's when other people's lives are changed as well.

Dude, again, we could talk for hours, man. In fact, we. We probably should hang out more often, to be honest. All right, well, look, I got to wrap the. I don't have a choice. Time's getting close. But where can anybody find more about the book? And would you mind explaining a few of the extra bonuses so people are aware of it? Because again, guys, Graham is good people with great insight. I'm sorry. He's great people, great insights, and he's connected to. He's. He is connected to God and source in a way that is special and out of and out of that, you can trust the wisdom that's coming from his. His mouth and his written. His written word. So working with everybody. Find out more about the book and all the bonuses come with it. Yeah.

Thank you, man. The book's@the rebelbook.com or you could buy it wherever you want, but bring your receipt either way to the rebelbook.com enter it there. I've got 300 worth of bonuses for you, including. We did a whole masterclass with John Gordon where I teach you through the whole book. There's a rebel journal that you can download, which what I did is took the five biggest exercises from the book, pulled them into a journal that you can work on right now and actually start to do some of the work. The coaching work from the book before the book comes out. There's a 30 day rebel challenge, which is like 30 days of email coaching for me that kind of drips through and like teaches you principles of the book. You can fire that off whenever you're ready. And then I've got the rebel community there as well. Whereas as we get closer to book launch, I'm doing a lot more Q&As and hanging out in there. So all of that's for free if you pre order the book and bring it to the rebelbook.com.

Dude, I love it. And you can find Graham everywhere. Graham is sold. So to speak. Seriously. No, Graham's. Graham's got a fantastic YouTube presence, has been teaching entrepreneurs for a long time. He's probably one of the greatest wizards when it comes to understanding Kajabi, which is a fantastic platform that I personally use for my own courses and whatnot. And yeah, dude, thank you so much for coming on, man. I really appreciate you and I love you, brother. And I wish you nothing but absolute success with the book and helping me change lives in the world.

Thank you, Steven. Appreciate you, man.

All right, take care, buddy. See you. I hope you liked that video. And if you did, make sure you check out this next video right here. In 2008, I launched a business. Two and a half years later, I found myself firing Chapter 7 bankruptcy for $2.2 million. Wow. And the reason for that is I did all kinds of things to impress others.