The PSYCHOLOGICAL TRICKS To Overcome Insecurity & Self-Doubt

We are so terrified to be judged. We shouldn't be looking for anyone else's acceptance except our own. And when we can be right with ourselves, you just end up being right with the world. You end up being right with your creator, you know, and that's where you find your power. I think people always ask me, you know, how do you find your confidence? How do I be more confident? How do I do this? And I'm like, the only way you're going to do that is through action, and that action is sharing. It's the vulnerability of opening up. It's just like, you know, when we crave intimacy with somebody else, we're terrified of being judged. But the answer to what we're craving is the action of opening up and sharing those hard things.

Hey, guys. Welcome back, everybody. I'm super duper excited, and here's why. We have a special guest, and she's more than a Beachbody phenom. She's more than someone that has gone from literally addiction to just incredible wealth and happiness and joy. She's more than somebody who has an amazing relationship with her family and her husband. She is more than somebody that I think can literally change the world with what she's got inside of her. Guys, please help me welcome the one and only Maura Casaba. How are you doing?

Thank you. I'm good. I'm stoked to be here. I'm really excited. Thank you.

Did you have fun today?

Oh, my gosh. So much fun.

Yes.

It's been awesome. Ever since we arrived, it's just been next level.

Well, look, you know, I want to jump right in. I. It's crazy to me, because I know that you've been a lot of times when you get on interviews, and I know I experience this, too, from time to time. People always want to know the backstory, which is important. It's not like. It's not important. People want to know kind of like the transition. What was the magic moment where everything shifted, and all of a sudden, you live happily ever after? We both know that that's not how it works.

Right.

I want to talk about some different stuff today.

Yeah.

And I want to encourage our audience. If you guys, like, like, seriously, there's a ton about her on her backstory. I'm gonna spend some time getting some. Some deeper content out of her today. Wink, wink. So go and go and research Maura on YouTube and podcast and just go Google. Right. Seriously, she's done a phenomenal job at building an amazing brand that helps other people win, which I absolutely love. But I want to talk about a few other things. Cause we were having dinner last night, me, you, and Brian, your hubby, which was awesome, by the way.

So fun.

Love hanging out with you guys.

Thank you. Likewise.

One of the things that kept coming up was one of the ways in which you help the crowd level up is this essence of overcoming shame.

Yes.

So I want to talk a little bit about shame to get started, if that's cool. So I know that that's part of your story. It's part of my story. Talk to me about how you managed to overcome shame and then started the journey to help others do the same.

Yeah. So it was kind of unexpected. You know, I have this history of addiction, even eating disorders, college dropout, like, you name it, I've got it. And what's. What's interesting is I got sober decades ago in Southern California, where it's pretty cool to be sober. Like, if somebody's not drinking in Southern California, you kind of assume, like, oh, are you in recovery? And it's just casual conversation.

Yeah.

Then I moved to the South.

Welcome to North. Welcome to the North Carolinas over here.

North and South Carolina. And it was like I was a young, sober person person. And it was like, we don't talk about that. Like, underground. Right. And I was kind of shocked by the culture, but I. I kind of went underground. I thought, oh, my gosh, you don't talk about that here. You know, you don't talk about your problems. You don't talk about your struggles. And so kind of from 22, 23 up until, like, 30, my late 30s, so 15 years, I. I really walked around with kind of like. I feel like most people do, you know, like, here's me, you know, here's everything on the outside.

Here's my mask.

Yeah, here's my mask. And you don't understand what you're. You know, you don't show what you're going through on the inside. And what I didn't understand was that. That dichotomy there of, like, the mask and real. The reality was what also was keeping me stuck and unhappy.

Yeah.

You know, I. I didn't know, like, why my addiction turned from this addiction to that addiction to food addiction, to BL. Bulimia to this. I feel like what I know now is when you are living with so much shame that, like, you have to. You're trying to numb that awful feeling so much so you just stay stuck. And what I never, ever, ever planned on was stepping into the world of, like, social Media influencer. Never, Right? God had another plan. And so, slowly but surely, when I stepped in the world of coaching at 37 years old, you know, I knew nothing about social media. I'd never taken a selfie in my life. But I started to just take those tiny little baby steps and share. And it's funny, because I look back on that, and I don't even think I shared publicly about my sobriety for two years. So when I say, like, baby steps, it was baby steps. But as I started to share, you know, and I can remember the very first time I shared about my sobriety, I was terrified. Terrified. And it was my anniversary of my sobriety. And in the world of recovery, we recognize that with Roman numerals. And so all I could bring myself to do on that January 2nd was to put a picture and put the Roman numerals and nothing else. And I thought, the people that know will know, and the people that won't know don't know. Like, no idea what's going on. And the response I got from that, like, the outpouring of, oh, my God, I had no idea. Me too. My uncle, my sister, my dad, my mom. You know, almost everybody is, you know, closely connected to somebody that has either struggled with addiction or is in recovery.

Yeah.

And so that kind of gave me this, like, just little bit of fire under me to be like, maybe I should share a little bit more. Maybe I should share a little bit more. And every single time, it was just received so well that it just built my confidence in sharing the real me. And I will never forget being in the grocery store one night and, oh, my gosh, this is so embarrassing. But my very first Instagram handle.

Yeah.

Ready for this?

Okay, let's go.

Was superfood Fit Mom.

All right.

Oh, my gosh, you got the S's in there. I was big into juicing, so. But somebody came up to me, and they kind of in awe, said, like, oh, my gosh, are you so? And so.

That is freaking wild. I remember the first time that happened.

Oh, it's crazy. It's crazy. But what I can remember feeling in the Publix grocery store was they knew the whole story, that in that moment of meeting somebody for the very first time, here I am. The good, the bad, the ugly, the struggles, the triumphs. And slowly but surely, I can remember situations where, like, it was very odd to walk into a kid's athletic, you know, basketball game or something and sit down in the stands and. And kind of sit there and go, like, yep, they know Everything but God. That makes you just step into your authenticity, your purpose, your strength, your confidence, because you're not hiding behind the mask anymore.

Yeah. And you're also giving people the courage not to hide behind their own.

Right.

It's crazy to me that one of the thoughts that came up as we were having dinner and it just kind of resurfaced now is that the solution to shame is actually transparency.

Absolutely right. And who would have thought that? Like, I never would have thought that or known that.

Yeah. It's like the polar opposite of what you would think.

Right.

And I think. I think that goes back to the. And you can. I want to hear your thoughts on this, too. I think that goes back to the fear of not meeting someone else's expectation when the reality is we don't need to be meeting other people's expectations.

Right. 100%. I mean, we are so terrified to be judged, and it's like, we shouldn't be looking for anyone else's acceptance except our own, you know? And when we can be right with ourselves, you're just. You just end up being right with the world. You end up being right with your creator, you know, and that's where you find your power. I think people always ask me, you know, how do you find your confidence? How do I be more confident? How do I do this? And I'm like, the only way you're going to do that is through action, and that action is sharing. It's the vulnerability of opening up. It's just like, you know, when we crave intimacy. And I know we're going to go into this conversation, too, because we did last night. But when we crave intimacy with somebody else, we're terrified of being judged. But the answer to what we're craving is the action of opening up and sharing those hard things, you know?

Yeah, absolutely. The other thing, too, I was thinking about, too, is like, as we're walking out this journey of becoming more authentic to ourselves. Right. Shame is obviously something I think plagues us all. Comparison is something that plays us all. Imposter syndrome is something that kind of plays us all.

I want to talk a little bit about your faith. Yeah, Right. Because we chat a little bit about that over dinner last night. And I know my faith's important to me. I know your face important to you. And then one of the things that we have seen, even Brian was talking about it. You're Brian.

Yeah. You've got a Brian iPad.

Yeah, we all have Brian's. We were talking about last night is how unimportant a sense of faith is, or a sense of spiritual connection is to a lot of folks and how common it is to see the people that struggle with that connection also struggle to find purpose and meaning.

Yeah.

So talk to me about your faith and kind of how it's played into your, in your success.

I mean, it's just everything, you know, and it's, it's, of course, when you say, like, when people struggle with their faith and then they struggle with their purpose, I'm like, well, of course because. And I say, of course because of my own experience, not that I'm looking at theirs. I, you know, I share this a lot when I'm. I'm speaking on stages. And it always hits the audience because I'm usually speaking to audiences of women. And a lot of women will hide behind, you know, their insecurity. They're this and they're that. And I'm like, okay, so how many people in the audience feel that their insecurity holds them back from being bold with their message? And the whole, the whole audience will raise their hand and I say, okay, well, how many of you, like, faith is everything, God is everything. You, you, you consider yourself this faithful woman? And the whole audience raises their hand. I'm like, you can't, you can't have, you can't have both of those answers in my book. Because in my book, like, insecurity is saying, you don't believe in that. He created us. He put us on this earth. Like we are made from him.

Yeah.

Like, I get so emotional when I talk about this, because who are we not to change the world?

Yeah.

If we are believers. Right. And so every single thing I do, of course I'm still met with feelings, fear and, you know, nervousness or whatever when I go to take an action or to launch something or to post something. But I think, how dare I, how dare I feel that call to do this, to share this, to say this.

Yeah.

And to say no. And how dare I doubt. Because when we doubt ourselves, we're doubting our creator.

Yeah.

And so it's all borrowed from that belief. Right. It's all taken from that. And I, I think all the time about when I go into church on Sundays, like, I just sit there and I feel like rocky in the corner, you know, like, that's how I feel at church. I'm just like, all right, like, I've got all these big dreams and big visions and big things you're putting on my heart that we're here to co create. I Believe that I'm here with my creator to do. And I'm like, just, just armor me up. Just give me the, give me the faith, give me the confidence, give me the armor that I need to go out there and to take action on your behalf.

Yeah.

So it's not me.

Yeah.

Right. And, and when we're tied up in us is when the insecurity comes.

Yeah.

But when we're tied up in him, for me, it all goes away.

Yeah. You know, that's so interesting to me because I was just thinking too that the number one thing that I see that keeps people from a faith driven connection is actually self condemnation. They think they've screwed up too much, done too wrong, whatever. And then I'm always reminded one of my favorite stories in the Bible is Jesus with the woman at the well. He went to a place he wasn't supposed to go, talked to a woman he wasn't supposed to talk to. And he didn't focus on the stuff that she did wrong. He focused on her identity and her purpose of how he created her, you know, and I've always loved that. So if you're talking to maybe one of the, the audience members. Right. And I told you last night, 60% of our audience is female.

Yeah.

Which is kind of surprises me. But hey, yeah, I want to serve all the same. Right. Um, and a lot of, a lot of folks in general, no matter how successful, I know people with nine and ten figure incomes that have a serious sense of identity issue.

Right.

And purpose issue.

What advice would you give that young woman and all. When I say young woman, young women is all encompassing because in God's eyes you're all young, you're all his kids. So that's how I look at it. But what advice would you give her about releasing self judgment so they can get that spiritual connection?

Yeah, I would say, you know, I always say seek counsel. It's something I tell my kids, like, seek counsel. Seek counsel. Whenever you're struggling with something, which just means talk to your friends, you know, or talk to this person that leads you to this person. And if you're not finding what feels right or resonates, keep looking. You know, I know that. And I'm, I was raised Catholic and I'm not one of these people that's like, oh, I'm a recovering Catholic, sure. I definitely grew up with some guilt and shame and fire and brimstone, but I do that.

The Baptist too, by the way.

Right, right. But it gave me a great foundation. I can always kind of Take what I want and leave the rest. But when I stepped into more of a non denominational Christian environment, I was really opened up to this whole idea of like, you know, just grace, just grace upon grace upon grace that I'm not. I don't have to do right. To be accepted by God, that God loves me no matter what. And therefore, when you really understand that you want to do right.

Yeah.

I'm like, whoa. Like, when I figured that out, it was a huge shift. And then to be able to raise my kids up in that huge shift. So I get that there's all these, you know, man made rules. One of my favorite quotes, this actually comes from recovery. But my fourth day of sobriety, it was a rough time, but my fourth day of sobriety, I walked into a meeting in Southern California and Father Leo Booth was the guest speaker. So here I am listening to a priest and he says, and so this was shocking to me coming from a priest. He said, religion is man made, spirituality is God given. Religion has divided the whole world up. And spirituality teaches the world to hold hands.

Wow.

And I was like, whoa.

Yeah.

And that's how I feel about my, my faith and my relationship. And, and a lot of times we just have to. We gotta figure out, you know, this is, this is maybe a little bit man made, and this is God given. And so I think it's important to seek the God given over the man made.

Yeah. I'm glad you said that because I think for me, one of the things that keeps coming up for me specifically in regards to my faith, is when in doubt, I go see what Jesus said.

Absolutely.

And Jesus said, follow me.

Yes.

He didn't say follow this, that, or the other thing. He said, follow me. So when in doubt, when conflict arises in, in the essence of religion and denominations, for some reason, when I hear the word denominations, I hear domination. I don't know why.

Interesting.

I don't really know why.

I'm always a big Jesus guy.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Go back to his life, come to.

Me who are weak and weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Yes.

You know, I. And it's not that I. I frown upon any denomination or any. Anyone practicing, any specific denomination. In fact, I love everybody. We have great friends that have a whole host of different denominations, and they're fantastic people and they all love Jesus.

Yeah.

You know, so our commonality, our holding hands, if you will, is done through the lens of holding hands with Jesus.

Absolutely.

One of the other things that you said last night that I think is really important for the audience to hear. And I know you got really strong feelings on this.

Is therapy's a good thing?

Yes.

Like, why. So talk to me about.

Oh, my gosh, why do you think.

People struggle with the word therapy or getting therapy on their own and why it's so beneficial? Because I feel like a lot of people could get a lot further a lot faster if they just got some help. I have coaches and counselors. I know you've got coaches and counselors.

Absolutely. I mean, I. It's just the fast track. Like, what in the world is wrong with people that we don't seek therapy? Like the professionals that know how to get to the root of issues. And so, again, I think the, you know, five years I was in Southern California, where recovery is cool and therapy school, thank goodness for that because I went to therapy and, well, let's face it, I had a host of issues. So I was like, struggling newly in sobriety and struggling with an eating disorder that I couldn't conquer on my own. And.

Yeah.

And so I was like, I need to go seek professional help for this. So that's kind of what started my. My therapy journey. But I feel like most people that go to therapy experience like, oh, my gosh, why doesn't everybody do this? You know, you're so much better for it. But when we. What we were talking about last night, you know, relationships, marriages. I have always said at the foundation of my marriage is Jesus in therapy. That I have unfortunately walked through really, really hard divorces with really dear friends.

And so that you thought were soulmates.

Yeah.

And I've been in that prediction.

You think they've got it all figured out, and then you realize they don't. And so you kind of. In those moments, I am like, wait, what do I. What do I need to focus on to make sure the same thing doesn't happen? And what do we have that anchors us? And so I think it's. It's, you know, sitting in church every Sunday anchors me. Living with faith anchors me. Um, but it's. It's faith and therapy. And so that. That therapy, it's. I always joke around, I've shared this on social media, that nowadays, like, we just kind of go when we need a little tune up, you know, And I will say this. When my husband and I started going to therapy, we were at a breaking point for certainly. And we had toddlers, just a super hard season of a marriage. And so that's when we initially went. But I can also remember thinking, we're good but good's never been good enough for me. Like, I don't want a mediocre income. I don't want a mediocre marriage. I want extraordinary. And so you don't have to be broken to get to therapy. You can be good and want to be great. And that's kind of the season we've been in for the last decade. Whenever things just settle down into, like, good, I'm like, I don't like good. I want great. Let's go get a tune up. And I'll never forget one of my good friends at the time. She was a marriage therapist. And I was talking to her and this was like, before we actually went for the first time. And she said, listen, you can go now, or you can wait 10 years and just keep stacking up wounds and joy. Yeah. And she said, you might not be able to fix it then.

Yeah.

So it's on. You go now, go later. And I was like, whoa, okay, we're going now.

Let's go.

Yeah. Yeah. So it's been awesome for us.

Well, I wanted to bring that up. And we're definitely getting the relationship stuff because that. We had a super powerful conversation over that last night. And we're fortunate Brian's in the studio, so maybe we'll have him come over here for a couple hours later on for fun.

But one of the other things that I heard you say last night that I thought was pretty instrumental, especially in.

So, you know, I just. I just. I told you guys last night, I just started seeing someone.

Yeah.

And she. You remind me a lot of who she will become long term.

Yeah.

Like, super vibrant, has a calling, has a massive book, has all kinds of cool, really cool stuff. We're going to be hopefully releasing to the public at the beginning of the year. And one of the things that you said, I think is very important, and I want the audience to hear it because you're a very strong female. Right.

Yeah.

Which is great. Yeah. But you're also a very feminine female, which is also great. And a lot of times people are having a hard time merging the two and having the ability to leverage that. But then you said something interesting last night that made me really like. I like that. And it was that by you not pursuing your aspirational goals, you're actually costing your kids their future.

Oh. Oh. This gets me really fired up.

I know. That's what I'm going.

Really fired up.

That's where we're going there.

So I. I look back when, you know, I really started. I was always Successful as an entrepreneur, but it was around that 36, 37 years old. So 10 years ago that, like, I put my foot on the gas and I went for really big dreams, and we had to negotiate the contract. Right. I always say that in marriage. I'm like, listen, when, say, the woman all of a sudden decides she wants to, you know, go all in on this career, like, all of a sudden I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And you're upset because your husband isn't supporting you. You need to renegotiate the contract. This is not the contract you signed with him. And they're kind of looking at me like, wait, you're supposed to have my back. And I'm like, I do. But you also have to recognize that in a marriage, you have to constantly renegotiate the contract.

Either has to grow or die.

Right.

Growing is growing with the partner.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And so my biggest thing is I know how many moments I had, and I still have that. I doubt myself. I doubt the calling. I doubt, you know, the ripple effect of the work. I doubt the, you know, is this gonna happen the way I want it to happen? And we start to cower, and we start to pull back, and we start to listen to those voices, Right. That are like, who. Who are you to think you can do this?

Yeah.

And when we do that, I wholeheartedly believe that we are not showing up at the highest version of who we are for our children. Right. I think back around the time when I almost didn't do this because I felt guilty. Right. I was putting in all these hours, or I started traveling a lot, and I'm like, oh, my gosh. This is, like, gutting me as a mother to not be here 247 for my kids to be at every single teeny, tiny thing. And as I told you last night, my children would never have the relationship they have with their father. Had I been there 24 7.

Yeah.

Had I been running the show every single second. But more importantly, they wouldn't have the mother they have today.

Yeah.

You know, there was one moment in the kind of beginning, Beginnings of that new pivot in my career that a friend of mine who was just an acquaintance, our daughters were in dance class together. This, like, really gets me. She sent me a text message, and it just said, moira, to see your little girl encourage and support and point out to other little girls how they're improving and to cheer them on is some. You just don't see that.

Yeah.

She gets that from watching you.

It's a Byproduct of belief.

Yeah.

And you mentioned something else last night too that I thought was pretty powerful. I know that you and Brian and the family went through a tough time with one of your children.

And I remember you saying something like your daughter came to you and was speaking life over you at what, 10 or 13 years old during that season.

Yeah.

And I have to assume that she learned a lot of that behaviors by watching you pursue your dream.

Right. And. Yeah. Coaching and encouraging other women and, and speaking life and becoming. Right. It's the becoming. It's who we become. In the process, I became more confident. I became a believer in my dreams, I became a believer in other people. And so our son diagnosed, gosh, two and a half years ago with type 1 diabetes. And it was a horribly, just tragic hard time. I know Type one. I remember when, you know, I, a friend of mine's son was diagnosed with type 1, I thought, oh, it's just type 1 diabetes. It's not that big a deal. Those that live with type 1 know how just life changing it is. And you're in the ICU and I mean, it's.

Our Brian has a daughter with type one and he's. It's been, it's been very hard on her family.

It's horrible. And you know, every single night you're honestly hoping that they make it through the night. That's what you're living with as a parent. And so here we are going through this thing and seeing my, I want to say 12 year old son at the time, weather this storm and this diagnosis.

And seeing him pull out things in his mind and his heart that he only got because I had pursued my dream of coaching, you know, and the night that I came home to switch shifts with my husband in the ICU kind of came home and just crumbled. And my nine year old daughter like pulled a chair up next to the bed and was literally just, you know, encouraging me and speaking life and scripture over me. And I thought this is supposed to be like, these are supposed roles are supposed to be reversed.

Yeah.

But watching my whole family walk through that, I can't fathom what that would have looked like had I not pursued my dream five years before that. Yeah, it's, it's who you become as a parent and the version, that's the version you're called to. Yeah, right.

Yeah. Well, I think the other thing is identity happens. Right. So.

As a father and as women, as mothers, one of the things that I see is a lot of times we lose our Identity in just being a father and, or a mother only.

Right.

And then this came up last night. We were talking too. We feel guilty. Like, so, for example, okay, we might feel guilty because we're on stage and we're not at a baseball game or a football game or we feel guilty that we're at the football game and not on stage.

Yeah.

How have you managed to balance.

Well, for this, for the sake of this conversation, we'll call it mom guilt. Right. How have you managed to do that? Pursue a, pursue a thriving career, Be a fantastic spouse to your, to your spouse, Be a mother and do like the wholeness. That's kind of a Wonder Woman scenario.

Yeah. So here's, here's a perspective that I have that was so just. It was, it was really helpful to me when I was experiencing all this mom guilt. I thought back on my own childhood and I thought, huh, my mom was a working mom. But I remember this message she kind of had. She's like, she would go into the hospital at 7am so she could be off at 3pm so she could be there for us. Right. She could pick us up every single day from school. She cooked dinner literally seven nights a week. She was there.

But she wasn't. Yeah, she was busy. She was busy doing all these things. Right. My dad would walk through the door at 6pm, put his briefcase on the table and be completely present with us. Like he played with us. But looking back, I'm like. But then I remember he. Every single night he went and watched the news, like every single night.

Yeah.

So like he probably was only like locked on for like 30 minutes. Yeah. I got everything I needed from my father emotionally in a 30 minute window.

One of our mutual friends, Anthony, trucks. I was talking to him. I was talking to him. This is a year ago, year and a half ago. And I was going through a difficult seat, an unexpected, difficult season of life that I wasn't anticipating. And one of the things he told me is it's always quality over quantity.

100%, he said.

Because I said, well, man, how do you, how do you, how do you balance being on the road and stay engaged? Because you're, you're obviously really engaged with your, with your family. How do you do that? He said, it's very simple. I say no to a lot of stuff.

Yeah.

So I can be present in the moment. And then my youngest son, or my oldest son, not even eight, not well, it's been close to 10 months ago now, came to me and said, if there's only one Thing you can work on is being a father. Just one thing. You're. You're a great father. Except this one thing, of course. I'm all ears. And scared and terrified. He said it's to be more present when you're present.

Oh, yeah.

And since that moment, phone shut off, computer's off, I walk away. And those moments of time burst are 20, 30, 40 minutes.

Yeah. Yeah.

And they're good for a week.

Right.

Which is just. It's. I'd always thought, well, I got to be here, I got to be there. Do this.

You got to be at every single.

Yeah. So I, I, I think I come down to understanding, based on what you've said and based on what Trucks has said and a few others, that it's intentionality. So being intentional about being present and then be intentional about being present.

Yes. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. And I'm really intentional where, like, say, my husband's got something at night. My daughter's, you know, at volleyball practice, a typical night, I would just, like, grab some food to go or make something real quick. My son would go up in his room and, you know, whatever. I can work, you know, do something like that. But I'll, you know, text him. I'm like, hey, we're going on a date tonight. Which doesn't look all that different, except we're actually going to go to a restaurant to eat. But all of a sudden, yeah, we're going on a date tonight. There's intention there, right? There's. I'm being very mindful of the time. And one of the crazy things that I think about for me, I will not talk on the phone in the car with my kids. I've had that ever since they were little. I just, I kind of hate talking on the phone in front of other people, but I really don't want to be on the phone in front of my kids. I'll be often on my phone working in other areas, but I will not be on a phone call because I want to talk to them.

Yeah.

That car time, that ride time, those little pockets of time, you know, when you're going to bed at night and you just want to collapse into bed, but you force yourself to walk up the stairs and talk to each kid for five minutes.

Yeah.

Like, it's those little tiny pockets that make all the difference versus being there 24, 7.

Yeah.

I will say. Inspired by Jesse Itzler. I have got Jesse.

Love Jesse. What up, Jesse?

I will get on. I've been on A Thousand Red Eyes because I'm like, I can sleep when I'm dead. I'm going to get home for the football game. I'm going to get home for the baseball game. I'm going to get. So I am cutting corners a lot, you know, in a good way. Where there might be a work event where, you know, I can fly in, you know, the night before, speak, fly out, come home to be home for a family wedding.

Yeah.

Where I'm not going to necessarily go for all three or four days.

Yeah.

So you just got to get real creative.

Yeah.

You know.

Yeah.

But you.

Well, and the cool thing about following you on social, too, is a lot of times you. You get people behind the scenes, which is. Which is pretty cool. And a lot of the behind the scenes is you guys operating as a family is super quick, super brief. I've noticed that your normal content, like, you'll do a story, you'll do a teaching or whatever, and it's extended because you got the bandwidth. But on vacation time or family time, it's like, hey, I'm on vacation, loving on my family. This is what we're doing. See you later. Yeah, you're done. Right.

And that's taken time, you know, I feel like I've gotten better at that over the years. Like, we were talking about last night. We were so engrossed in conversation. I'm like, we didn't even take a picture.

You know, we totally did the bad influencer thing. Bad influencer, bad influence. Shame on you. Shame on you.

But I do that. I find myself doing that so much more with my kids now, where I'm like, oh, my gosh, I shared nothing. I didn't even take a video or a picture. But it's because I've learned to be present and I've learned to step away from work when I'm with my family.

Well, I want to. I want everybody, seriously, I want everybody to go and find this piece of content. When I mention, because it's a really cool thing, you did either a post or story on Instagram, and it was with what seemed like a camera that was pretty far off. And it literally sparked an entire conversation last night. And you and Brian have been married how long now?

Gosh. Hey, babe. How long have we been married? 2005. So it'll be 19 years in January.

19 years. Okay, 19 years. And outside looking in, even to watch you guys at dinner last night, you're very supportive of each other. You're clearly very connected. I know it takes a lot of work and a lot of intention.

But I think I shared with you the person I started seeing recently. I actually shared this specific clip with them and it was with you, who's uber successful and your husband's uber successful in his own right. Don't get me wrong. He's sitting in a chair and you politely walk over and climb in his lap and cuddle.

Yeah.

Like to me, that, that body language, like I, I said, check out this body language. Yeah, right. And for most people, they cannot p. Pursue. Pursue success in profession and success in the home. You guys have managed to do it. Yeah, I know it's taking work because we talked about it a little bit last night, but I want to know how important has it been to have Brian support your dream? Because I feel like a lot of guys don't do that.

Yeah, it's, it's absolutely been a journey. Right. And whenever we kind of have something on social media where like we're on the COVID of a magazine or something like that, you know, I'm like, and this.

Yeah, right.

And therapy and a lot of work and a lot of brokenness that took a lot of healing. Just so people know.

But what is success if you're not happy in your relationship? Right. I mean, it's just, it's pointless. You know, we, we know so many people that have tens of millions, hundreds of millions of dollars and they don't have somebody to share it with.

Many of them on the verge of suicide continually.

Right. They don't have relationships with their kids. And, and I do think there is absolutely a time of sacrifice and different seasons. You know, I sacrificed a lot when my kids were younger because I knew that I wanted to be able to call the shots when they were teens, you know, which a lot of people think that that's the opposite.

So there is sacrifice at certain seasons. You can't just do it all and have it all all the time. But in regards to a marriage and this is really where the therapy comes in. Sometimes you gotta have that third party that's like, hey, you know, instead of just kind of button heads, like, can you see it from this perspective? And Moira, can you see it from this perspective? And you're like, whoa, yeah, third party helps so much. But I can't fathom not having his support. I mean, I really recognize that so much of my success, and I need to tell you this more often, but so much of my success is because he is there. Not only encouraging from like a relational point and supporting, but he's really doing a lot of the work behind the scenes. So that I can.

Yeah.

You know, he's never gonna say, I'll never forget this. So let me just point this out and talk about support. I had been back and forth to Los Angeles two times, back to back, which was insane to fly coast to coast in such a short amount of time. And a friend of ours called and said, hey, are you in la? And I said, no, I just got home. He said, ah, I was gonna see if you could come to this event. And I walked in the bedroom that night and I. It was this huge opportunity and I thought, oh, my gosh, I cannot leave my family yet again to fly all the way across the country. And his response was, you gotta go.

Yeah.

And it was one of those moments where I was just so grateful. Yeah, right. To have that support. And what I'm fearing in this moment is a lot of the audience listening is feeling like they just don't have that support. Right. I get that because I work with a lot of women that don't have that support. And I think the important thing is that it takes time. Like, it's this kind of dance that's always evolving. You don't just get to the point where, you know, your husband says, well, you gotta go, I totally support you.

Yeah.

There's lots of conversations. There's lots of things where, you know, you might think support looks one way, but then you've actually gotta realize he is supporting you, but it looks different.

Yeah.

You know, it might be that he was able to pick up the kids from school so that you could go do this thing. It looks different for every. Every relationship. And so I. Something I teach a lot of is like, our thoughts become our feelings become our actions, you know, And I've shared this on stage. Thinking about relationships, like, have you ever thought, you know, your husband's the best thing in the whole entire world and you can't believe you're married to him. And it's just, you know, you're. You're the luckiest woman in the world. And then like a month later you're like, I'm out. We're getting divorced. I can't do this.

Yeah.

I'm like, he hasn't changed what you're thinking about him has changed.

Yeah.

So we have to take ownership of that too. Right. We gotta take ownership of what we're focused on because so much of us are focused on the 10 or 20% that isn't perfect. When I got news for you, every single relationship you get into is gonna have at least that 20 or 10 or 20%. You've got to do the work to focus on the good things.

Yeah.

And when you do that, you experience that energy and that magic.

Yeah. There's. There's a really. There's a really cool energy shift or energy exchange between you and Brian that I get to witness, which is. Which is awesome. Now my Brian RB Gets the witnesses as well. But one of the things that jumps out of my mind is something actually he said last night. And this goes back to the therapy concept. I think you guys were doing a session with somebody. I think, correct me if I'm wrong, because I may have the circumstances not quite dialed in. Your profession was starting to climb. Brian had been very successful in business, and you had been managing the family side of things for a long time. And you guys went to an appointment, and the therapist brought. Said, well, you know, she was doing this while you were doing this. And he. He said he had a switch.

Yeah.

And then I won't forget this. He's like. He said, dude, sometimes you just got to wash the panties. I' I was like, yes, yes. It's so funny. But it got me thinking. It's like.

But that's the power of therapy, right? That switch.

Yeah.

And yes. What happened was I was feeling guilty because I'm working so much and I'm on my phone so much, and he's feeling resentful and angry and irritated. So we're in that power struggle. Right. We don't have that energy that you just saw on Instagram. Right. Like, it's not Instagram.

I just saw it last night.

Right. But back then, like, the energy was bad. Right. So we walk into this therapy appointment and. And we've been seeing the same woman on and off for decades.

Yeah.

And it was so interesting because you forget, Right. And she said, huh? She's like, you guys, remember when you came to me, she said, brian, you were building your business. You were working every Saturday, six days a week, late nights.

Yeah.

And Mary was home with the babies.

Yeah. You know, which is a.

And I'm like, oh, yeah, remember that? You know, But. But that switch for him was like, oh, oh, you're right.

Yeah.

And now it's my turn to be able to do that.

It was cool because that. The. The concept that keeps coming to my mind is the mature male. The mature male. The mature male. I think I made a comment last night about, you know, you can't. As a man, you can't expect your queen to shine your armor if you're not willing to fluff her dress.

Yes.

And for me, that's a big, big deal because to me, marriage or partnerships in general are either, either they are a partnership or they're not a partnership. And if they are a partnership, then you have a responsibility to your partner to understand them better, understand their dreams, and then do whatever you can to help them achieve them. Even if it's in different seasons, like this three year season, a five year season, we're going to focus on you building your thing. This next three or five year season, we're focused on building your thing. And then somehow Brian said this last night, it's all the same pot.

Yeah.

Like, it's a relative pot. It's all relative, you know, so, you know, but one of the things that I know that as a result of this has been the root cause of both of you guys maturing as a couple. And you guys are now a power couple because of the, the work you put into your relationship, from my perspective, is the power of communication. One of the things that Brian said last night that I really enjoyed and you said it too, you said it differently, was we can talk to each other about anything.

Yeah.

What we want in the bedroom, to what we want in our marriage, to what we want in a dream life, to what, like, we can, we can share and talk about anything. And to me, that is intimacy.

Right? Right, Absolutely. And I think sometimes when you feel so far off from that, it seems like almost like hard to conceive or uncomfortable and know again that that leap doesn't happen in an instant, but you can take the steps to get there. Right. Like, and it's, it's a constant intention in the marriage. It's a constant commitment to the marriage. And it's funny, when you were just talking, I was thinking about how we had a little bit of rub during Thanksgiving. We were hosting 30 people, my side of the family, his side.

Oh, good lord.

Right, right, right. And it's funny because nowadays I'll just like text our therapist, like, can we get in? You know, and she's like, she probably giggles to herself, like, oh, I wonder what's happening here. We're not in a fight. We're not in a huge argument. You know, we're not like, bad.

Yeah.

But I'm like, I just know that this is a little bit deeper than just normal.

There's a trigger, some kind.

Yeah. And so we went and talked to her one time, you know, and first of all, just having somebody say, do you understand that hosting 30 people and two sides of your family coming together is an Extremely stressful situation. And we're like, oh, you know, it's.

Like, where's the food coming from? Who's preparing the food? Who's putting the food out? How are we cleaning up? Yeah, yeah.

It's like, yeah, but we do really well. Like, I'm a doer. He's a doer. Right. Like, we can get done. Right. For lack of a better word. And the way that we kind of came at that whole event.

Yeah.

Was not great, you know, and again, so it's like, let's deal with this. Let's not sweep it under the rug. And then it's going to happen again at Christmas and again at Easter, and it's going to keep being kind of this conflict. Let's just fix it.

Yeah.

Let's just fix it. Move on and get better.

Yeah. Let's talk about your audience a little bit. Largely female.

Yeah.

What I would call wonder women female. These are. These are women who want to do big things in the world.

Yeah.

They want to do. They want to do big things in their home, the world, the relationship. They want to do it all right. Which I applaud and admire because it takes a lot of grit and tenacity to do it, to be honest. Quite frankly.

How, or what would you say are maybe three or four steps that they could do to nudge their partner into support? And I don't say push, I say nudge.

From your perspective. And I want to. I'll speak to the men after. After the fact.

Yeah. I think the biggest one is just communicating. Right. Like, there was a time where I needed to hear and then implement. Somebody even teaching me, like, hey, when you're on your phone so much, if you're working your business from your phone, share with your husband what's happening. Like, say to him when he's frustrated, say, hey, I just need to respond to five more people that are in my inbox. And then I'm putting my phone down. So there's communication. Right. Because what happens is you're just on your phone, they're pissed off.

Yeah.

There's friction.

Yeah.

Right. There's no communication. Also, you need to put it down when you said you're going to put it down.

Yeah.

Right. Like honor.

Yeah.

Honor your word.

Yeah.

But I can even, you know, even now when I'm looking at my phone or on my phone, he doesn't know if I'm scrolling Instagram or someone's talking about the fact that they're suicidal and they're asking me for help. He doesn't you know, so I need.

Which all can happen on Instagram.

It can all happen on Instagram. So I need to kind of let that communication line be open to be like, babe, one second. You know, he also, sometimes he'll. He'll talk to me when I'm on my phone, because half the time I can listen and be on my phone. But sometimes I'm like, hey, hey, hey, I'm writing something right now. Like, my brain's, like, working so hard at, like, writing something, and if I'm writing, I can't chit chat. But it's just a nice communication. Like, give me five minutes, I gotta finish this. Okay. No big deal.

Yeah.

You know, so it's that those lines of communication, I think something I shared with you last night too, was that I remember always needing to verbalize that everything I was doing was for us. Like, hey, remember that Everything I'm working on, every minute I'm spending on this dream isn't for me to win an award or have some accolades. It's for what I'm trying to provide for our future, for our family, for our children, for our retirement.

See, most males would get intimidated by that. And this is where I want to jump in, in just a minute.

I think you're not a mature male until you can come alongside of your partner.

Yeah.

I totally agree. It stems from insecurity, that lack of support.

Well, and I think it goes. It goes all the way back to the Disney days, back when you were a kid, when you were told you're supposed to be the knight in the shining armor, you're supposed to slay all the dragons, supposed to provide and protect and all this kind of stuff. And the reality was, even in the Bible, there's hundreds of stories of powerful females that made a massive difference that God used. And when you recognize that God used females just as equally as he used males, both of them broken and independent and, you know, fighting their own battles internally and whatever, you quickly realize that the best thing you can do is to support your partner. Right. So one of the things that you just mentioned, and I'm going to put a spin on it, was the dream. Because I feel like one of the biggest steps that a couple can do in getting both people on board with supporting each other's dreams, is to actually have a shared dream.

Yes.

What the heck are you building?

Yes. Yes.

Talk to me about that.

Absolutely. I mean, I. I can remember specific conversations where maybe it was. You know, I remember one specifically where we were on a trip in Hawaii and I remember our friends that we were vacationing with were like, hey, why don't you guys just take, take some time. We'll watch all the kids. Watch all the kids. So we just went on a short walk on the beach. But I remember just creating that time. So I think it's also, you know, people think like, oh, weekly date nights. It sounds so cliche. But what you're doing is you're carving out time to have conversation, to talk.

About these things that you supposedly dedicated your life to, the partner you're working with.

Right, right, right. And so to have those conversations about what you are trying to create and build. But here's the thing. I don't think most people know. I don't think most people are taking the time out themselves. Like, we were talking briefly last night. I always take about a week, two week period. Right now I'm like in the thick of it where I really step out of my life to figure out what I want to do in my life.

Yeah.

So I ask myself tons of questions. I journal, I go through this whole deep dive process of like, what are my goals for next year? What do I want? What is.

God, that one technique 90% of people will never do.

And this is it. Like, this is what makes me so crazy because I was actually, I was telling my mastermind group this the other day. I was like, an Oprah thing popped up on my Instagram. And I think there, whoever was interviewing her said, you know, why aren't more people successful? And she said, because they have no idea where they're going. Like, period.

Yep.

When you don't know what you're going. Wanting to achieve, when you don't have a map. Right. Like, here's the goal. Here's what I'm going. This is what I need to do. This is who I need to be. These are the resources I need. This is what I need to do on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. You can't achieve anything. You're just kind of throwing spaghetti on the wall. Every day you wake up and you're going towards really what? And so you got to do the work yourself.

Yeah.

So that then you can share that with your partner. Yeah, right.

Yeah.

And that intimacy has to be there because your partner more than anybody needs to be the person that you can say those crazy dreams to. Yeah, right.

You know, it's really funny. Just popped in my head.

The guy that plays Austin Powers. What's his name?

Michael. What is this?

Mike Myers?

Brian o'. Brien. Anybody else?

Sorry, guys. Anyway, we'll Skip that part. But he did. He did a. A spoof. A spoof movie, like a number of years ago. And he was. I think it's called the Guru. Or he's like a guru.

Yes, yes.

And he goes intimacy into me. I see. Right.

Kind of thing.

And I was just thinking about myself. I was like, these sabbatical experiences are that into me. I see. And what. Because once you. It's really hard for someone who's not a whole person to attract or be attracted to or be part of another whole person. Right. So both you and I talked about this last night. Both people are required to grow independently, but in unity.

Yes.

Right. So. Which requires the intentional communication and actually just open. I. I'm going to encourage guys, seriously, if you're a dude right now and you're in a relationship, whether it's a spouse, girlfriend, whatever, ask yourself if you've ever asked her what her dream is.

And if you haven't, I request that you go ahead and spend time and actually ask her what it is her dream is. And then say, how can we get there? How can we do this together?

Yeah.

Because then she'll ask you what yours is.

Right.

You know?

Right. Those conversations are so important.

Yeah.

I mean, what else. What are we doing then if we're not driving towards that dream, if we don't have clarity for what that is? We're just waking up every day and spinning our wheels. And, you know, like most people. I talked about it on stage earlier. The 98. You're going to work, you're checking the box, you're getting a paycheck.

But, like, you're sleepwalking.

Yeah. You're sleepwalking through life, and that's not what we're putting.

And then you end up living somebody else's life. You're not even living the life. It just. It's that. That stuff gets on me on a tangent. So I'm gonna try to stay away from that as best I can, because then I'll run off into the wild blue yonder. One of the things that Brian said last night after he had that epiphany was.

And I think this is important for males as well, which is why I'm bringing it up. And you can give me your spin on it. Your perspective on it is the importance of doing the little things.

You know, doing the laundry, taking out the trash, picking the kids up, doing those types of things. And one of the things that I think is a byproduct of that, that most people underestimate is it Creates the time and space for connection.

Yeah.

Because you and I talked about this last night. All of us did, actually. When you're, especially when you're raising a family, it's a young family, two year olds getting up at all ends. Yeah, yeah.

A lot.

Unexpectedly, whatever, you know, you're, you're to and from. All kids are sick at the same time because everybody gets a stomach virus at the same time because like all this different. And then you collapse as a couple and you're like, yeah, you want to. Yeah, yeah, me either. How about tomorrow? All right, cool. All right.

Yeah.

Knuckle bump. All right, tomorrow. And then tomorrow happens and so hard the same thing happens again. That will happen more often if the other partner is not playing an active role in supporting other partner, I. E. Doing housework for sure. Going to the grocery store. Like these little things create that the bandwidth to have the date night.

Yeah. 100% you. I mean, and that's where I feel like we are like such a good team because we're, we're both type A personalities that just like do, do, do, do, do, do, do. So he's, you know, doing his things, I'm doing my things. And you know, whether it's laundry or. And you fall into certain roles, certainly, you know, like I like to fold laundry and he likes when I fold laundry because I'm good at it.

God bless anybody that likes to fold laundry.

But I don't cook.

I can wash it, I can dry it. I hate to fold it.

I don't cook that out there. There are certain things that free you up. Right. But again, we've had to have these conversations because like, for many years, I don't do as many now, but I will have night calls, you know, team calls, mastermind calls, things like that. So yeah, he's. When our kids were younger, that was a lot on him. Right. He had to bathe them, put them to bed, all that stuff. Now if I get off a night call and our laundry room is literally right outside our master bedroom door, if I walk into the laundry room and he hears me open it, he's like, oh geez, oh no, I forgot to fold the laundry. And I'm like, I've been on calls all night. What have you been doing? You know, but there is that balance, you know, because it's time. And I've had to say that. I'm like, listen, if I get off calls at 10 o' clock at night, I don't want to stay up till 10:45 folding laundry. Like I Have to sleep. Like, time is so important, and you got to use it wisely. And so you got to have people that are doing all the things.

You gave me a secret last night that I'm going to bring up for fun.

Especially as a. Oh, yes.

To get a dream. To get your partner in on a dream.

Okay, so. Well, you just kind of said this earlier. When you have young kids.

Mm.

It's so hard, right? I mean, gosh, if we had our grandmothers and our great grandmothers living in the house with us, like, that's how I think we're meant to live.

Yeah.

And we just make it so freaking hard on ourselves because we're trying to have a career as a mom and we're trying to, you know, raise these children. And so I teach and coach a lot of women that are in that.

Guys pay attention.

Yeah. Pay attention. And wives pay attention that are in that space of, you know, my husband's not supporting me. And I'm like, okay, so first of all, are you guys communicating? Second of all, like, when I stepped into my purpose, I actually got a lot happier. That's key. So women pay attention. I'm like, are you sorry for the language? Are you being a bitch and trying to pursue your dream? Like, no wonder he doesn't like this.

Yeah.

I all of a sudden got happy. And so my husband was kind of like, I don't necessarily believe in your dream yet, but good God, you're happier. So I'm happ.

Right.

That was key. That was key.

Was that his polite way of saying you're less of a B.

Right? Pretty much. Totally. Totally. Right. And so there's that. But the second thing is, so, you know, we would have calls at, say like 8, 9 o' clock at night. So you're trying to race to put the kids to bed, throw them in bed, run downstairs, get on a call. That's like when your husband's like, really, really, like, all I want to do is. Is, you know, make love. And like, you're just going to get on calls every single night. Where'd my wife go? And he's irritated and pissed.

Yeah.

So I'm like, listen, get the kids to bed earlier. Have sex at 7:30. Go get on calls all night long.

He's not going to care. He's not going to care.

He'll be not caring with a smile.

Exactly. But it's true. Like, I had to recognize his need and what he needed for me, and that was the balance. I was like, oh, I just need.

To get the Kids. But see, that's a healthy surrender to the relationship.

Yes.

By recognizing the partner's need, you were in that. You were in that. In that time and phase, you're in the need of pursuit and like, really kind of finding out who you were and building your own identity and kind of profession and stuff like that. That was something that was really important to you.

Yeah.

Right. What you describe is important to most men, which is, I just want to be connected to my partner. Sex is a piece of that.

100%. 100%. And it is recognizing that. It's recognizing the balance of. Instead of the frustration of, like, you know, this is so irritating that you need this. It's like, no, no, no. This is so important to you, and this is how you feel connected. This is so important to me. Now I'm going to support you in this, and you're going to support me.

Random question on this is, how do you avoid it becoming a duty? Because for. As a man, like, I'm just gonna speak as a man if my. If I partner. If I want to be intimate with my partner. Yeah. But I feel like my partner's doing it. A sense of duty. It's going to mean less to me than. Versus being present with me in the moment.

Right. Okay. My husband's in the studio, and I know he's thinking the exact thing you are right now. Like. Right. He probably has felt that. And so, I mean, given the.

Given the option of duty or not duty, I'd rather go than not go.

Exactly, Exactly. Right. It's happening. But I think, again, it's coming from that place of joy and fun. And this sounds silly. This sounds really.

You guys are kind of playful, which is kind of cool.

Right. And it's finding that.

Yeah.

And that's hard for me because he's the playful one in the relationship. He's the funny guy. And I'm like, just balls to the wall. Go, go, go, go, go. Type A personality. So that's on me. Right. Like, I own that. I'm like, ah, I need to be more playful. I need to have more fun. I need to step into that energy more. But I think it. It also is looking at your time. Right. Like, and this is stuff that we talked about in therapy where I'm like, I literally, if I am on, you know, working all day and then on night calls. And so the next day he's like, well, game on, because you don't have calls tonight. And I'm like, I am exhausted.

Need a nap.

Yeah. And our therapist had to be the one that was like, no, no, no, Brian, she's off. Off limits. Like, she's got to recover. And he's like, are you joking?

Doesn't mean I get twice on Saturday.

Right. But we had to, like, really have conversations around that. And then for. For the last several years, we've. We've kind of gotten bad at it this past year because our kids are in a different stage. But we had to figure out that Friday mornings that we could send our kids to school.

Mm.

And have date morning.

Yeah.

Which.

Because you're not exhausted.

Other things.

Yeah. Yeah.

Right. But it's not an expectation on me when I've worked 16 hours in a day where it becomes.

Yeah.

A check mark.

Yeah.

You know, which he then feels like, it's just a check mark. It's a duty to me.

Yeah.

You gotta really get creative with, like, where are you gonna find that time?

Yeah.

You know.

Yeah. No, I think that's. I think that's genius. And the morning thing makes a lot of sense, especially if you have a house full of children.

Right.

Because the children like to get up in the middle of the night and.

Yeah.

Like, whatever. You're not gonna be exhausted.

Right.

The chances of you both having a great day that day are pretty good.

Pretty good.

Yeah. Just less stress in the body, for sure. You know, I want to pivot just a little bit because you and I. I shared with you. The good friends of mine have a methodology. I don't think they created it, but I know they follow it. My good friend's Roy and AJ Vaden. They have a date night weekly.

I think it's like a getaway quarterly.

Yeah.

A vacation bi annually. And then like a super vacation annually.

And are. When you say that, are you talking about just the two of them?

Just the two of them.

Okay.

Right. So they have 52 total connection points throughout the course of the year, followed by four more major connection points.

Yeah.

Followed by two deep connection points, followed by almost like a sabbatical with the two of them. Yeah.

And I love it because I'm like, you got to. You got to create a system. Like, once. Once you put it. It sounds silly that I'm calling it a system, but I think about this. It is a business. And I. In my life. Right. It's like, once you kind of create the framework, you're like, now I don't have to think about it all the time. I don't have to be like, oh, we should. And then put the time and the energy into thing is it's just what we do.

Yeah.

Right. It's. If it's what I do on my social media, it's what I do in my business, it's what I do in my relationship with my family or my marriage. And I was telling you last night that my dad. Such a huge influence in my life, he's since passed, but he used to always say quarterly, you know, him and my mom would go away. Quarterly.

Yeah.

Even if it was just one night.

Yeah.

You know, and so we. It's why Brian's with me on this trip.

Yeah.

Right. Like, that's a really cool thing about.

It's kind of like a date weekend.

It is. It's like the work that I get to do and the work that I get to see. The dream.

Yeah.

You know, when I started keynote speaking more even probably just a year or two ago, I was like, babe, when the kids are gone, like, I'm gonna do this a lot more because I don't want to keynote speak all the time right now because I don't want to travel more than I'm traveling.

Yep.

But I'm like, man, in five years, this can just be one of the biggest parts of my business and we can just travel all the time.

Yeah.

And we're both so excited about that, you know?

Yeah.

And so that's the perfect example of having those conversations about what the future looks like that, you know, you're kind of driving towards and you're going towards. But I love what your friend said.

Yeah.

You know, date nights. Weekly. Yes. Quarterly getaways. I want to know more about what a super vacation is.

Super vacation is your. Is your two weeker. So your biannualies are a week, your quarterlies are a weekend, and then your date nights are a week.

Yeah.

Right. So.

I don't. I just thought was super cool. It absolutely allows you to connect with your partner for sure. Especially if both partners are going into the. The date night or the getaway with. I'm going with the intention of connecting with my partner.

Yeah. Right.

And it doesn't mean sex is coming out of the gate.

Right. Right.

It might mean there might be a lot of. A lot of fires and a lot of candlelight and a lot of dining, A lot of just kind of warming up, remembering. I find that most people fall out of love because they never stay in it.

Right. And they're. And like you said, they're not spending time together. One of my best friends, she was out of town recently with her husband for an extended time, and she called Me. And she goes, you're not gonna believe this. I'm like, what? She's like, we like each other. It's like we forgot. We forgot in the chaos of everyday life and managing children, but we really like each other. I'm like, oh, thank God for that. You know?

Well, and that's. But, but that's a realization that's probably. That could be their pivot point, if you will, to having the fun, having the communication being recommitted. I. The fact that. So the audience doesn't know this because they haven't seen it, but we, we were filming content before the podcast and just having a good time doing it. And because you guys have been so intentional about watching, supporting each other's dreams and honoring each other's needs, I watched Brian with his iPhone, take as much footage as our team was. Was taking of watching his wife shine.

Yeah.

And I know. And I, and I can say that because I. When he watches you shine, he lights up.

Yeah.

You know, and I was also able to witness last night when he was talking about something really cool and happened in his business. When you were looking at him, you were like, when he lights up, I shine.

Yeah.

Like, it's, it's a really cool vibe. And I, I feel like people think it's unattainable and for 19 years, it's clearly showing. It's totally attainable.

Totally attainable. But takes a lot of work and intention.

Yeah.

Like we said, it's something we haven't touched on that I was just thinking about what. And I think this is so important, and I would love your perspective on this is, you know, when I, when I kind of gather women and pull them into more of a personal growth world, part of the conversation that we have as women is like, whoa, this is a different conversation. Like, you're not letting me get away with talking crap about my husband. You know, we're not all sitting around bitching and complaining, which is what happens out there in most of the world. And truly a different standard of like, haha, that's funny for a second. But are you working on that? Because that's not cool. Like, you shouldn't feel that way in your marriage. I'm not gonna let you be a friend of mine and get away with that. Right. And we have this huge group of friends that are all live in Miami and we always call them Cuban. It's Cuban marriage counseling because they have such amazing marriages and they have such respect for each other. Right. And they would never say a disrespectful word either way. And we were kind of like, whoa, like this is a different world.

Yeah.

And so I think it is so incredibly important who you surround yourself with. It's what I always tell my teenage boy. I'm like, what's the most important decision you make? He's like, oh, who I'm hanging out with, who am I? Like, it determines everything.

Yeah.

Right. But it's so natural for adults to throw their spouses under the bus and, and as entertainment.

Yeah.

And that's not cool.

Yeah.

You know, and so who you are.

Well, especially when your spouse finds out about it now their, their trust in you is diminished.

Right.

And now you're, now you're on a very toxic trail.

Yeah. So I mean, I would be curious from a male's perspective, like, have you found that like, you know.

Yeah. So I think males are the. So here's the interesting thing about males and females.

Females tend to be more tribal. They, it's. They, they do not have a, they largely don't have a problem asking for help if it's somebody they can trust.

Yeah.

And that typically comes in a female community, which is powerful. Males have a tendency to isolate.

Yeah.

We. Unless you've been trained otherwise or been taught otherwise or done the work yourself, you are most likely going to be like, well, this is how I think. And most people don't realize, male or female.

That your perspective is just that it's only a perspective. Right. There was an old saying that says everyone is right when they're looking through their own eyes.

Yeah.

And the reality is that's where the therapy comes in that third party view. It's like, well, actually on this six items you are right. On these three you're not. And on those three over there you're, you know, and you need that, that to hold you accountable. I think that all, all people, male and female, need a growth minded tribe, period.

Yes.

Ideally you're going to have somebody that you're pouring into, somebody that you can collaborate with. Like you're both kind of in the same season of life and kind of same goals and aspirations. And then someone you can absolutely learn from, someone that's ahead of you in one category, another. I do recommend that people find their tribes based on different genres of life. So finance, emotional, spiritual, so on and so forth. Because I know some people who are crazy successful in finance, but I would never take spiritual advice from them.

Right, right, right.

Yeah. And you. And that comes down to discernment. But I also think that if you're going to have a healthy relationship with your spouse, specifically, you need to encourage them to find a healthy tribe of their own. That has more to do with female. Male.

Right.

Because there's two different. I. God made us this way. And to. To help one another and balance each other. You know, in theory, if you think about it, since. Since woman was created, that rib of man, original man, technically had female and masculine energy built into that one unit.

Yeah.

God chose to separate that.

Yeah.

And actually make it a complimenting energy for us. Right. So I'm all about. Especially with the work you do with women and how you encourage them, because I have to. I'm telling you right now, the biggest way to change your marriage is to change yourself.

Oh, 100%.

You know?

100%. I mean, that's a whole nother. That's a whole nother podcast. Right. But it's like, we so often are just pointing the finger, looking at that 10, 20%.

That's.

That's wrong. And it's like, you know, I think it's Wayne Dyer that says when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Yep.

Right. And it's like that says it all.

Yeah.

It's like the same person. But I'm going to choose. I'm going to take ownership. I mean, it's just. It all comes down to ownership. Like Personal Growth 101. If we're not taking ownership for everything.

Yeah.

No matter what, you've got us. You've got a part in it.

Yeah.

You know, and. And that's when you start to change that the whole dynamic changes.

Yeah. Yeah. I love it. It's crazy. I was. You and I got talking on the business side. We got to talk about attrition last night. And one of the things that I love about your work is your attrition rate's very low.

Yeah.

For. So for the audience. And attrition is when you have a program, a gift or service or product or whatever, and people come in the front door and then quickly exit the back door. Right. When Maura does her work with your tribe, with your females and with your audience, not only do they tend to stick around, they tend to level up year after year after year after year after year. And you were talking a little bit about last night about some exciting. Some things you're working on. So tell us about one of the exciting projects that you have for the community.

Yeah. So. Oh, my gosh. I'm so excited. I feel like this is divine. You know, it's what I've been guided to, but what I've been preparing for my whole life. So we are getting ready to launch. I don't know when this episode comes out, but the 2% tribe. So an elite mastermind group of women focused on truly creating more income and more impact.

And so without losing their soul in the process.

Without losing their soul in the process. Yeah. Because half of this, this group is half of kind of the teachings and the experts coming in are the personal mastery side of things. Right. Like how do we find more joy? How do I step more into my identity? How do I, you know, carve out that morning Process, even process. What about meditation and all of that stuff? Because you have to have that. But then to create income and impact, you gotta, you gotta have the business mastery as well. So what are the strategies and the tools and all of that there? So we take both of those things, which I've never seen offered in a mastermind. Right. Because it's what I, you know, you can wave a magic wand and create something yourself. You create what you want.

I say you go find a problem and solve it. So.

Right, right. And so we take both of those worlds and bring them into one. And this group of women is just, I mean, that's the biggest difference. You know, when people look, when they ask me what happened at 37, you were a six figure entrepreneur your whole life, but man, you just like shot to where all of a sudden you're in Times Square, like, what in the world happened? You know? And I'm like, I stepped into a community of people that believed more in me than I ever believed.

And they opened doors.

Yeah, they opened doors and I adopted their belief. And when you, when you're in a mastermind group where you're just literally surrounded and you have those moments of doubt, right? Those moments of insecurity and someone's like, nope, keep going. Yeah, we believe in you. And they just pull it out and you're like, oh, okay, you're rocky in the corner. Right. You armor up and you keep on going.

Yeah.

That's the difference behind community and a mastermind. And something that you join like that. Yeah, that's the difference maker. To get you in one year, what may have taken you 10 or 20 alone.

Absolutely. Again, one of the things I love about what you do is it's not just strategy. More importantly, it's actionable.

Yes.

And I think the fact that it's actionable is the indicator of why your attrition rate is so low.

Right, right, right. Absolutely.

Yeah. Most of your Most of, most of the people that come into your program you partner with for years.

Totally, totally.

And you level them up each year.

And it's just what you said, like, I, I am. I get totally on my soapbox about, like, in action. Like, you're not going to learn how to be more confident from this call. You're not going to learn how to do anything by listening. You know, I know you're listening to podcasts and I want you to do that. And I know you're listening reading Personal Growth and I want you to do that. But that's not going to change anything.

You got to put it to work.

You have to get into action. So the accountability piece. Right. By the end of the day, send me this. They're like, oh, crap. But that's the magic, right? That's what makes you successful. That's what makes you do things. Things. Right. When I show you how to launch a program or a product, we are launching your program or product. Let's. We're doing it.

And they're like, the date is X. Yeah, let's go.

And they're like, oh, God. And I'm like, yep, it's happening.

The crazy thing is, is when you. But when you put a deadline on something and you have an accountability partner working with you on that deadline, you're going to find out you're more of a doer than you think you are.

Yeah.

You're going to find, for me, you're going to find out that your limiting belief was causing you not to take action.

Yes.

Not that you didn't have the ability to take action.

Yeah, absolutely. I want to. I always go back to this because I did have this crazy experience about a year and a half ago. So I invested the most amount of money that I've ever invested in my life thus far in a coach. It was a six figure investment and I was terrified, like, shaking in my boots. Right. Like, what's the roi? Let me look at all the pros and cons.

Oh, you won't know the ROI until the first time you try it.

Right, right. Yes, you're right. And I will never forget I had been in a phase of about two years where I was kind of lost with, like, what am I creating? What am I being called to? What do I want to do? What's my next big thing? And I'd been doing the work to figure it out, but I didn't really feel like I had clarity. The second I wired that a hundred grand, I literally.

It changed, didn't it?

Everything changed. Everything changed. Like, but I'm talking, like, my brain went to like a totally different level because all of a sudden, like, the was real. Right. And I was like, okay, I don't have time to not have clarity.

Yeah.

I don't have time to second guess myself. I don't have time to go through another process to figure out what I want to do. Like, game on.

Yeah.

I got 365 days and 100 grand on the line. Let's go. And when I walked into that very first meeting, which was about two and a half weeks later, no exaggeration, I'd never had a conversation like between those two and a half weeks with this person, I said, I'm not exaggerating one little bit. I've already got my hundred thousand dollars worth. And they were like, what? And I said, I've made decisions I've been struggling with for years. I've taken actions that I never would have taken.

Like, I haven't learned anything yet.

I haven't learned anything yet. But in two and a half weeks, what had transpired?

Yeah.

Just because of the identity of. I'm the type of person that does this. And now the clock's ticking.

Yep. You got serious.

I got serious.

Yeah. I also love that. So I want to hit this one example as well.

I find that people say they want coaching, say they want the help.

Seldom invest in it. So therefore they get the results of not investing in it.

Right.

And then they'll spend the next year saying, well, I want to do it right. So I'm a big believer in finding a program or system to help you level up that you can afford. I also think it should be a bit of a stretch.

I think it absolutely should be a stretch.

Yeah.

Because I think back on the first time I went to a Tony Robbins event, I couldn't afford it. I could not afford. I think it was a $600 ticket plane. You know.

That was a huge stretch. And I walked in that room and I just latched on to every single word. Right. There's an expression when you pay. You pay attention. And it completely, that four day event completely and utterly transformed me and my life and my business and my family, everything.

Yeah.

I've gone to that same event the last year. I like listen to half of it, you know, because I can afford it.

Yeah.

And so there's. You have to be stretched, otherwise you just don't take it seriously. I remember listening to Russell Brunson one time talking about like something. Something crazy. Like there was a. It Was a half a million dollar event. Right. Half a million dollars to attend a one day event.

Good lord.

Yeah, I know. I'm like, who was in that room? Right. Exactly. So half a million dollars. And he's like, literally what, what you walk out of. Like, people built empires after that day. Right. And he gave, he had like a plus one. So he brings a friend and then afterwards he's like, you know what you think? And like, he's so fired up. Russell is. And the guy's like.

And he's like, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like all these people in this room are literally going to build, you know, hundreds of millions of dollars of business from what they learned. Billion dollar businesses from what they learned today. And you here.

Yeah.

Because the guy didn't pay for a ticket.

Ooh.

Yeah. It was Russell's plus one.

So he wasn't paying attention.

He wasn't paying attention.

He's on his phone or his computer or whatever. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I've. I am where I am today because of mentors. You know, I'm a big believer. There's a, there's a, there's a, there's a mentorship matrix, so to speak. There's. You find your aspirational mentor, the person you want to be. Yeah. As a guiding principle. You have a peer to peer back and forth was what we all did last night. We had a blast doing. You got your digital mentor, which is like courses and stuff like that. And then you've got your live access, and your live access is events and seminars and masterminds and core things. Again, I feel like most people don't.

Create quantum leaps in their development or their success or the profession or the love or whatever.

Yeah.

Because they don't invest in it.

Absolutely.

Right. But. But yet they'll go spend six or six or seven hundred bucks. A thousand bucks, $2,000 on a TV.

Right, right, right, right.

When they could have taken that same.

Amount of money on a trip to Hawaii.

Yeah.

It's like, what's gonna. Do you want to change your life by quantum leaps or do you want to go sit on a beach and.

Yeah.

Get drunk?

Well, that's the thing. And the crazy part is you, if you, if you. I'm a big. I told my son this, my youngest son Justin. I said, if you will take 24 months. A relentless focus.

Yeah.

Relentless focus on you and building you and like not going into debt, not partying, not going out and doing a bunch of dumb stuff. Like if you would just. I'm Convinced I started my first company at 22.

Yeah.

While I was sleeping in my car. Okay. Fortunately for me, and this is a God thing, I did it because out of necessity, I didn't have a choice.

Right.

Right.

It took me five years to get completely out of debt that I'd gotten, that I got myself into big, big. Just dumb stuff. Just being dumb. Right. But the first three years, I'm convinced, absolutely convinced, because I had to be relentless, focused if I was going to eat and have shelter.

Yeah.

I'm convinced that's the foundation that built the quote, unquote, what people call the empire nowadays.

Right, right, Right.

I've learned a long time ago I don't have a problem spending or investing in me.

Right.

I'm. I'm rolling the dice on me.

Yeah.

Like, I. I feel like I'm worthy enough to see how far I can go. And not so I can prove myself to people or not so I can make a bunch of money, but because I want to live a life well.

Lived well. And that's just it. I remember so many people come to me and say, like, how do you find your purpose? How do you find your purpose? And I believe in a nutshell, our purpose is our potential. And it can be that simple. People think they need to figure out what job or this or that. It's like, no, no, no. All of our purpose is to see at what level we can get to. That's all of our purpose. And that comes from growth. And you said, it's not an expense, it's an investment. And I want to touch on that just real quick that I remember this aha moment when I wanted to invest the six figures in a coach and having that conversation with my husband, and he's like, what? What? But I remember saying to him, what are your monthly expenses in his very successful company. That column.

Yeah, yeah.

Is, you know, off.

The expenses are tax deductible.

Right.

As long as you have. As long as you have an Inc. Or some kind of corporation. But that's another show.

But a million things in that expense column. Right. The overhead, the employees, the taxes, the trucks, the gas, insurance, all. Everything.

Yeah.

I'm like, I don't really have that in my business. This. Not that I'm saying it's an expense, but we've got to look at it like, if you have marketing as one of your expenses, you can't do the business you want to do without the marketing. Why are we not looking at coaches and mentors the same?

Yeah.

I'm gonna Invest this. So I get this.

You'll go spend 300 grand to go to college for four years, right. And not get a dank from again. This is my soapbox and I got a stinking thing for it. Or you can go learn from the most structured, strategy driven minds on the planet that can actually get stuff done. Which is why I love your stuff because it's so effective.

Thank you.

And I feel like, ladies, if you're. If you're looking for a really solid coach, really solid mentor. And again, we covered a lot of ground today like we did. Guilt, shame, literally anxiety going from. From here to their relationship. How to get your relationship back on track. Like I'm telling you right now, Maura, one of the best, best possible solutions you can have. So with that in mind, where can I find out more about you?

Yeah, so it's pretty. I always say it's easy and not so easy because neither my first name or last name are easy. But spell or spell right for me, I'm just like moira cassava.com so m o I R A K U C A B A. So that's my YouTube, my Instagram, my, you know, TikTok, my website, everything. So I mean, just Google it. You'll find you'll get linked to everything. But I'm on Instagram the most and I answer all my own DMs. I don't outsource any of that. So, you know, you can message me there. Yeah, yeah.

And the 2% coming. So. But we'll make sure we put the. We'll make sure we put the links and everything in the show episode for 100%.

Yes.

Before we wrap this up, I like to ask us with people that I think are just uber successful people, but on top of that, uber fantastic people, and especially with people that have had difficult backgrounds to get to where they are.

Yeah.

And that is. What does unstoppable mean to you?

I. What does unstoppable mean to me? Gosh, it's just what we all are, if we so choose. You know, it is going back to our earlier part of our conversation, it's like we are all made by the creator of the creator from the creator. And so who are we not. Who are we not to be unstoppable? It's our essence.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. Well, and the reality is you don't get anywhere unless you fight through it.

Right, Right.

I love it.

Absolutely.

Moira, love your girlfriend. Thank you so much for coming on the show. We have to do more and more again. Yes, guys, that's going to do it for this episode of Unstoppable. Make sure you check the show notes and the links. We'll see you in the next one. Take care. Peace. I hope you liked that video. And if you did, make sure you check out this next video right here when you actually drill down into it the really successful business owners. Rather than choosing 4,000 things and doing them 12 times, they've chosen 12 things and done them 4,000 times.