This is Why You're Not Happy

Imagine what it would be like to finally wake up and look forward to every single day. Well, that's the life that I have and that's the life you deserve. So stay tuned.

I remember what it was like to wake up each day, stumble out of bed with no sense of real ambition and basically stumble my way through the day and simply come home after some grub, maybe watch some tv, maybe play some video games, head back off to bed and do it all over again. What I can tell you is I felt like I had a meaningless and a purposeless life. My life was stuck on replay day after day and I was not the person I really wanted to be. Also, I was not with the person I deeply loved or wanted to be with. I didn't have the job that I was passionate about or the career choice that was actually created a sense of purpose and meaning on a regular basis. I was missing excitement, I was missing passion, I was missing meaning, I was missing significance and purpose and all these different things that at the end of the day make up a purpose filled life. So what changed? It's simple. It was the way that I was talking to myself on a regular basis. Self talk. I discovered that I was not happy because I did not want to allow myself to truly be happy. Part of it was doubt, part of it was fear. Part of it was based on my past mistakes and my shortcomings and my previous failures. After all, like you, I was my own worst judge, jury and executioner. I would tell myself I wanted to change, only to find out that I didn't really want to take the steps to actually do it. And then I would beat myself up for not taking the needed steps to change on a regular basis, which made that cycle continue on and on and on again. That was until I started paying close attention to what I was actually saying to myself after a good mentor taught me about it. And then I actually discovered there's something interesting about that. There are actually seven specific areas that we talk to ourselves in and out of life. Whether or not we are succeeding or failing. Whether or not we were believing or doubting. Now these seven enemies are very important because each of them becomes statements that we make to ourselves that create an internal life lie. Yes, a life lie that we choose to believe. Choose to believe. So let's break those down and figure out which one, if not multiple, are actually keeping you from doing what you need to do today to become the person you need to be. Enemy number one, a lack of purpose. Now this enemy and negative self talk shows up Searching for clarity and direction, but also quickly tries to remind us that this life lie is true and that is that things are how they've always been and only other people can obtain, achieve and conquer a successful life. Which is complete BS Man. This lie teaches you that there's nothing you can do to add any real value, which is a complete fabrication of what's possible. The truth is, all you need to do is become the best version of yourself day after day. And if you'll do that, you'll discover that the greatest purpose in life is serving the person you used to be. However, in order to do that, you've got to become more, which means you have to grow. Which is why we created this channel. All right. Enemy number two, a lack of significance. This particular enemy and negative style of talking to yourself basically says you're not good enough, that you don't matter enough. Now, this lie is hidden in the fear that our very existence offers no intrinsic value to the world, our community, or people that we love most. Which again, is complete bs. Wake up. If you let this happen, it'll repeatedly goes in for the kill by even telling you another lie that comes with it, which is you're not worth the effort. And you are worth the effort. You are worth the. I'm spending all this time and energy trying to pour into you so you can become the person you need to be, so you can affect the lives you need to affect. Why? Because you are worth it. The truth is, your worth has nothing to do with whether or not you're getting noticed by other people. It has everything to do, everything to do with whether or not you're learning to love yourself based on your unique identity makeup. Believe it. You were born with value. And many times it's our very life of perseverance itself that creates that which we leave behind. In other words, your significance is tied to who you can become, not who you are and how people look at you. So don't get lost in the comparisons of today when your true significance is hidden in how you develop as a person. Why? Because as you develop, your confidence will keep you moving forward with little wins along the way. And you won't have to feel this way anymore. Give up now. The next one's kind of important, and that's this. Enemy number three is what I like to refer to as a lack of clarity of meaning. And here's why. When you have an event happen in your life and you're going through something tough, maybe it's a divorce, maybe it's the death of a family member. Maybe you've been abused, maybe you've been verbally abused. Maybe you're in a toxic relationship. When you look at all of those different things, it's the meaning that you place on those events that determine whether or not you can actually move on, or you stay stuck. If you focus on all the painful things and all the things that someone else did to you and all these different things and you place a meaning on that I'm not somehow not good enough, that my mistakes are going to define who I am, then you're going to get yourself in trouble. And I can honestly tell you I did this myself for a very, very long time. I wasted almost a decade of beating myself up for the mistakes that I made, not knowing that I didn't even have to look at that anymore. I'm not saying not to learn from mistakes. I'm not saying not to look for different ways to actually gain the. You need to be successful. What I am saying is you can't live there. You cannot live in the place where every single meaning that you place on your life is somehow keeping you trapped. For example, for some reason, I let myself even get trapped in being the homeless high school dropout and began to wear my suffering as a badge of honor and identity. Like somehow my meaning and stuff was tied to. Well, I guess he's always going to swing a hammer. I guess he's always going to work, flip burgers. Or I guess he's because he dropped out of high school, so his life means nothing. You see, I'm the one. I'm the one that placed a negative meaning on my past and on my mistakes. And there's a high likelihood that you're doing the same thing. The truth is, you don't have to make those mistakes. Because no matter what you see on social media, everyone has been part of things they wish they could take back or wish they could do again. It's called life. But the reality is adversity. Real adversity is a tool that, when you use it right, can sharpen you to cut through the clutter and actually simply become the person you have to become. And allowing you to actually live the life that you want to live because you've given yourself the freedom to say, you know what? I'm not going to do that again. I learned this lesson. I'm going to apply myself this way in this specific area, and I'm going to move forward. You see, instead of hiding my own mistakes, I learned I had to own them each and every time. And as I did, I got progressively stronger. And every time I made a mistake, I simply started over. I learned from it, and I kept moving forward. It reduced my suffering, removed my personal prison, and allowed me to finally eliminate that voice in my head that said, you're the high school dropout, you're the homeless kid. How can you ever become a successful entrepreneur?

It's garbage. You don't need that kind of garbage in your life. You don't. So don't let it be part of your life. Instead, lean into who you can become and not who you are. Believe. Now, once you begin to believe in yourself, once you begin to look at the other enemies that we've already talked about, that kind of begins to set you up for the other enemies of attack. And here it is. Enemy number four is a lack of connection, which says, why should I try if no one notices that I'm even here? What you're really saying is, I'm lonely, and you don't understand that. Here's the thing. I used to tell myself I was happy being alone and living in that pit of being misunderstood or being unseen or unvalued. In reality, I never would have made it off the bridge or become the person I am today if I had not started to develop real connections with real people that actually matter. I realized that we are all, you and me included, are worth the value of connection. And your tribe will put a high value on that when you actually find your tribe and can stay connected to them. We each need three to five people that are our inner circle, that help us become the person we need to be. Now, if you haven't found those people yet, I suggest getting three to five mentors specifically. Specifically why? Because you can actually share your fears, your hurdles, and some of your hangups openly and actually get things moving forward. The trick is learning how to connect with the right people at the right time to get the right impact. In order to do that, I'm gonna go ahead and put a link in the description below and even suggest another video that can help you here. So stay tuned on that one. But for the time being before we move on, I'd be honored if you consider subscribing and smashing the bell so I can actually continue to give you content that can keep you moving forward. So make sure you do that for me. All right, let's go ahead and get back into the enemies. Enemy number five, a lack of affirmation which says, why should I try if no one cares? We all need to feel valued. But in truth, we all must first find value in a job or a contribution well done that we see ourselves doing for ourselves rather than waiting on others to actually give us the affirmation. I'm not saying it's not important to hear to attaboy or somehow hear I love you or something like that, or what I am saying is that should become secondary. Secondary to the primary feeling of being affirmed by yourself. Because you see yourself making progress. And as long as you're making progress, you're by definition becoming unstoppable. Now, it's been my experience that our overall sense of being comes from the inside and is broadcasted outside almost like a lighthouse, which means ultimately that you are going to get the people who you actually want the affirmation from. But not until you learn to affirm yourself. Maybe you can actually look at yourself in the mirror and say, I am this, and I am this, and I am this. And make sure the I am this blank is always filled with a positive statement. I am smart, I am intelligent, I am gifted. I dress well. Things like that. Like, you know what I'm saying? You got to learn to affirm yourself. And when you do that, other people will be drawn to you and will begin to affirm you for the hard work that you're putting in. So that's what you got to do. So now that we've actually talked about the importance of affirmation and how you should be affirmed, let's go ahead and move on to enemy number six, which is a lack of security, which says, I'm scared and I'm not safe. Now, look, we've been in a crazy time. At the time of this recording, we've been dealing with COVID And Covid has thrown a spin on everything worldwide. The important thing is, is those who are secure in themselves and secure in their own identities knew that they could pivot and find a way forward. Now, there have been also others that have actually gone through the experience of losing different things or losing a job or not having enough income to go through. And that's natural to say, oh, my God, what's going to happen? What do I need to. That's natural, and it's actually okay. What I'm saying is, is that that feeling, that feeling of lack of safety and security can't remain the same. You can't spend all that time in your head trying to figure out what to do. Instead, what you should do is create a couple plans and try some different things in order to move forward. That's how we kind of fix this safety and security thing. Now, I can also tell you that what I've learned and discovered is this. If you make significant Progress on Enemies 1 through 5 consistently, then not only will your confidence rise, not only will you have more opportunities, not only when you have strength, but you'll also find that you have the responses needed to keep you in a secure place and keep you in a safe place, no matter from the environment, the worldview, or anything like that. That's the trick in actually overcoming this specific enemy of identity is not giving up. You see, when you don't feel safe or you don't feel secure, what you have to do is you have to begin to break things down to actionable steps to lead you on that path. And in most cases, bad things are never as bad as they feel, nor as destructive as you think they will be. They may get hard, but hard leads to adversity. Adversity leads to wisdom. And wisdom leads to experience. And experience leads to trust, safety and security. Start first by protecting the mind and then moving to the body. So many times, unfortunately, we make the mistake of using the thing in the wrong order, basically putting our emotional reaction in in front of logical responses. And if you want to increase the safety and security in your life, you have to learn to think before you act. So when we change this specific way of thinking, everything else after, it changes. Why? Because you are choosing a responsible path forward. Which takes us to enemy number seven. A lack of authenticity which says, if I'm myself, no one will value me. Which couldn't be further from the truth. One of the biggest and greatest lies that we tell ourselves is that we have to be someone else just to be noticed or be cared for or even be loved or connected to them. That's a lie. It's more important for you to be authentic to your core than it is to seek the approval of people who may not ever actually do give you the approval to begin with. So here's the number one problem. It comes down to comparison. The more you compare yourself to someone else, the more you are going to be inauthentic, which means the more frustrated and overwhelmed you are going to feel. Why? Because you are not designed to live someone else's life or become someone else's destiny. You were designed to have your own destiny based on your unique makeup, based on everything that you've been through, based on your experiences, your wisdom, your actions, your results, and everything like that to help you move forward. Stop comparing yourself to other people. It is not helping you. Maybe you're not supposed to be an Instagram superstar. Maybe you're supposed to bake cakes that are amazing. Amazing, right? Maybe you're supposed to be an attorney. Maybe you're supposed to be an artist. Maybe you're supposed to be a loving husband or loving father that creates the next world leaders. Whatever your unique gift and talent is, be authentic to that core. Quit letting the enemies of your mind and the insignificance you feel when you don't act or react or look like or whatever someone else. It's their life. Live yours. Live your own life. Stop comparing yourself. So what if they have a nice haircut? What if they're building a house? Before you build a house, work your plan. One of the things that you discover when you stop comparing yourself to other people is the very people you're comparing yourself to. You're going to find out they're heavily leveraged, in debt. You're going to find out that they basically have marketed everything in their power to make it look like they have this amazing lifestyle, only to lose it five years from now. What you might do, on the other hand, is to work the plan, build a foundation, and then build a skyscraper on top of it. That's what can happen when you're authentic to your core, when you're so authentic that you know who you are, how you make a difference, and then you get moving forward by actually taking the time to take the steps and work the plan. That's the difference. Stop comparing yourself to other people. You are you, they are them. And I believe that you were created to make a difference. Now, one of the things that I've talked about that we open the show up with is this. This importance of talking to yourself in a positive manner. I've just given you seven specific enemies that I have personally had to overcome and I personally battle with from time to time. Even now, not at a great deal, not at the same depth and same despair amounts that I used to deal with them, but all the same, it comes down to the things that you tell yourself on a regular basis, which is why you have to be aware of your thoughts. Challenge those thoughts, especially if they come in the form of a lie. There is no such thing as limitation. None. I'm a homeless high school dropout, right? If I decided to stay there, I'd never be talking to you right now on this camera. I would never have businesses, I would never have amazing team members. I would never have revenue. Like, dude, if I can do it, you can do it. Seriously, I'm not smarter or whatever. More than you are. You're amazing in your own right. Live in it. Live in that space. And while you do that, check out this next video right here to help you win at life.