This ONE MINDSET Will Let You ACHIEVE ANYTHING You Want! | Kristen Hartnagel

I think the people who are happier in life and the people who are more successful in life, they know better than to give any energy to something that they don't want more of.

One of the things that I've always loved about you is your authenticity and transparency. As that kind of comes. Would you mind like just sharing a brief little bit about your background and how you became so passionate about what you're working on?

Well, thank you, Steven. I really appreciate the opportunity to just spend some time with you and your listeners today. And yeah, I've been a guest speaker for probably 25 years at a lot of spiritual centers and new thought unity type churches. And that kind of started organically because I'm a vocalist. And so I was asked to come in as a singer and I've always been a songwriter. So I would sing the songs that I wrote and people would say, oh my gosh, that song was just so moving. What inspired that? And when I told them the story, they're like, have you ever thought about speaking? And so I was like, certainly, why not bring it on. And so I would say that that really has been my passion is to. If I can ever combine, like a keynote concert, it's so incredible because I think music kind of bypasses the thinking mind. People aren't so much judging, do I believe this or not? They're just kind of listening and taking it in. And so I think messages can move people in different ways. When. When it's a song.

Yeah, for sure, absolutely. So, you know, you mentioned, you know, some of the experiences maybe you've kind of walked through. You know, one of the things that I've. I've taken just been working with you and kind of getting to know you a lot is, you know, you have this passion about helping people not repeat the same bad behaviors, the same bad steps, or hitting, hitting the wall, if you will. You know, how have you been able to help people transition from that, that place of hitting walls? What are some of the things that you use? I mean, a lot of our listeners, I mean, stuck to unstoppable. Many of them are stuck, frustrated, overwhelmed. They're disheartened in all kinds of other things, you know, so I know they're going to learn it resonate. So what are some techniques you're using?

Well, you know, I honestly think that this idea of hitting the same mistakes over and over again really has a spiritual foundation. It's like they may feel like different lessons, but it's really the same. Less in clever, different or not so cleverly. Disguised, different appearances. But you get that same feeling, like, why is this happening to me Again? I thought, I've already worked through this. And so when you have something that you know is appearing and it feels similar, it's a really good, I would say, signal for you to kind of say, what is it that I need to work on? And so I'm a really avid student of the Course in Miracles, and I think that the Course in Miracles is trying to help us retrain the way we think to be able to see that what it is that's happening in my life is actually a mirror to what's going on in my mind. And so if things are approaching that I feel are kind of pushing my buttons, or I'm kind of railing against, or it really upsets me and triggers me, I need to kind of ask, go within and say, why do I even have a button that is pushable? Like, why is this something that keeps triggering me? Because. And what if we could have that perception that this is really a gift? It's a gift to show me that there is something in me in need of healing, or it wouldn't be pushing my buttons. Right. And so to kind of see that as an opportunity to do some work so that you can move on and not have to repeat that lesson over and over again. So when I work with clients for spiritual breakthrough coaching, I help them recognize patterns. I help them know what to look for, and then helping them grow their awareness so that that creates a space and allows them to make a more intentional decision.

Yeah, I mean, I totally agree with that. I think adversity is a great teacher. It really is.

No doubt.

I look back at my life, you know, going through some of the things that I went through and some of the difficulties that I had to overcome to get to where I'm at. And one of the things that I think one of the biggest mistakes that I made early on is I used to look at life as, okay, I need to get this ultimate blissful moment. Like, life is not right unless I'm in bliss. And the reality is adversity is what tells you that there is the patterns, right? The behavior systems, the thoughts, the actions and things that go. Goes into that. And I mean, would you say that it has to do a lot? I mean, because it seems like to me, I can just speak from my own experience here.

There was a lot of my life was just misaligned. Like, I just. I wasn't. I wasn't focused in the right place. So therefore, I wasn't doing the right things. I had the right. The wrong things in the wrong priority, that kind of thing. I mean, do you find with people that you're working with that they're. They're dealing with a lot of misalignment? They're just not in the thinking the right way or doing the right things?

Yeah. And I think you can feel when you're out of alignment. And so what really makes us.

I feel like we were made for joy, but it also sets us up for disappointment. To think that I should arrive at this time and space where there's only joy, because that's just not reality. And you're right, adversity is the best teacher. Adversity is when we're feeling out of alignment. That, again, is the gift to say there is something that. Reacting to that I need to just really think about in a different way. Because it's all me, it's only me. So I don't want to have people expect that there is this place that they're going to arrive where enlightenment sets in. And that means everything is, you know, utopia or peace from there on out. Because that will. To be honest, that would be really boring. You would get really sick of that quickly. If we could look at everything in life as an adventure. And if I'm feeling anything less than joy, what do I get to work on to feel more joy, but then to understand that that adversity or that conflict or the things that I don't want more of that keep showing up in my life, they're really there for me to appreciate the good. If I didn't have that comparison, what would. What would my life be like? So I like to just say, when something good is happening, I want to pause and memorize how this feels. And I want to say more of this, please. You know, that's calling it in. And when something is not good, I want to be able to say, okay, I know that good always follows bad and bad always follows good. Or maybe if we didn't use those labels. Let's use it an analogy of breathing. Every exhale is followed by an inhalation. Every inhalation is followed by an exhalation. So in the face of looking at something that I don't want more of, what if I could just have joy in that moment and say, okay, I'm not really liking this, but I know something expansive is going to happen next. So, like, again, going to the spiritual aspect of things, like throwing my hands up to God, saying, I can't wait to see what you have in store for me because it can't get any worse. So I just know something's in the works that's going to be better. And that kind of anticipation and higher vibrational energy is what's going to help you pull out of that anyway.

Yeah, for sure. I mean, if you. I mean, using that kind of pivotal same analogy or a similar analogy is they say that was it darkness is nothing more than the absence of light. Well, you can't appreciate the sun if you've never known darkness. Right. So, you know, there is this duality, if you will, of adversity bringing forth more fruit out of you. Right. It brings the awareness that you're not aligned. It brings. It brings a deeper sense of.

What.

I would refer to as a sincere purpose. I think a lot of us have a idea of what we think purpose and significance and identity looks like early on. But at the same time, we also learn over time, as our good friend Rory would say, that you're meant to serve the person you used to be. Right. So, you know, in order to become that person, you have to use this duality to your benefit. And I feel like, and you probably can speak to this as well, that a lot of times those people that are in that stuck zone are avoiding the duality. They're too focused on the dark or, if you will, or the, you know, not the absence of light to actually appreciate the lamp sitting on the corner. Absolutely accurate.

Well, absolutely. And I think that it's just more evidence that what we focus upon is what we get more of. Right. Because there's always two sides to every coin. And why. I mean, I think the people who are happier in life and the people who are more successful in life, they know better than to give any energy to something that they don't want more of. I mean, if we believe in visualization, if we believe that, you know, what it is that I'm thinking has some influence about what I'm experiencing, well, then we'd be a little bit more responsible. We'd kind of put our thoughts on a diet. Right. I'm not going to let myself go down that rabbit hole. I'm going to concentrate on replacing those negative thoughts with something that I want more of. Right.

For sure. You know, it's one of the things that I feel like we're leading towards is this sense. What I think everybody's really searching for is this. The only word I can really think of that comes to mind is breakthrough. Right. It's trying to get to a place of breakthrough. It's Been my experience. You're gonna have multiple moments of breakthrough. Right? We call them life gates on our side and whatnot. But, you know, what are some of the things that you feel like that you've been successful in or instructing people in to break the crazy cycle, get some breakthrough so they can have, you know, a little gust of gust of wind in their sails to try again, kind of climb that stair. What are some of the things that you've seen happen?

Well, I really tried to help people have fun with it because once we really do take responsibility for our experiences and the way we are feeling, we can really get mad at ourselves. Like, ooh, there was a negative thought. I wasn't going to do that anymore. Well, you know, let's really do some exercises. To be able to consistently improve and to have fun with it is one way. So I always ask people to notice. Just be more of a noticer or witness to what you're thinking and what you're reacting to. And then see if you can practice detachment. Can you kind of step outside and observe it with amusement? And so it's like detaching with amusement is step one to go, oh, there's this thing that's pushing my buttons again. And then step two is to really pull it all the way out and think about it. So reduce it to the ridiculous. Think about. This is that thing that keeps happening that makes me want to really analyze this. And so an example is I had a friend who said, every February, get depressed. And I've been married for 40 years, but it was February of, I don't know, maybe 1989, when my wife and I had been married for seven years, and we were really in a rough spot, and we went through counseling, and she sat on my bed and she said. The counselor said that you're. We're in a good enough space that I can tell you that I've had an affair with your best friend for seven years. And it was like, what? The whole world fell out from under him. But the reality is he's still married 40 years. And so I was asking him, hey, you know how the movie ends? Because you're still in this happy ending. You're making things work. Why? Whenever February rolls around and, you know you get anxiety and, you know, your tight chest gets tight, and, you know you're getting depressed, why are you pulling up a chair and watching that movie again? Why not just say to yourself, oh, this is that detaching with amusement. I see. This is the trigger that makes me want to go down into that pit again and instead reduce to the ridiculous and say, hey, mind, innocent mind, not mind that's trying to throw me into the pits of despair. But my mind is really just.

My thoughts are following a well worn pathway because it's what it's done every February. I can take charge of that and say, I'm not going to pull up a chair and watch that movie anymore. And then step three is to invest wisely. If you really think of your thoughts as thought coins, you're always contributing to something, something you either don't want more of or something that you do want more of. So detach with amusement, reduce to the ridiculous and invest wisely.

Absolutely. You know, I want to go back to your point number two for a second because it spurred thought of mine. You know, one of the things that we've shared here on this particular show before is, you know, because of neuroplasticity and some of the things that happen in the brain, you can actually rewire your brain past pain. Yeah, right. It's. It is possible. You know, I work a lot with the military for a while with the USO and doing keynotes and stuff with them. And I used to get so frustrated because the speaker before me would always be a clinical doctor talking about ptsd. And I used to get so frustrated because here, here these people are sitting, some of many of them having symptoms of ptsd, from a wide range of, you know, severities to a place of basically what they're hearing the doctor say is nothing's ever going to change. This is a permanent disorder. And it really fired something up in me because I was like, man, that, that is just not true, you know, so even when you look at PTSD and all that, you know, that's a pretty severe trauma. Sex trafficking, all these other things that can be major traumas, right? You look at all of this together and you're like, you know what? I personally believe, because this has been my experience again, that if you'll just keep going, right, and you keep leaning and you keep doing the investment, you keep making it ridiculous. You, and you keep looking at it objectively, you keep deciding that to go after that, then it's like being on a highway, you know, yes, there's a detour in front of you right now on the highway. We've all had detours on the highway, but all we got to do is take the offering.

So true. What I love about your process, there is a. There's a great movie that really illustrates the quantum physics of what you're talking about? It's called what the bleep do we know? And it really shows. Yeah, what the bleep do we know? It's not a new movie by any means, but the deaf actress Marlee Matson is one of the stars. So it's kind of. It toggles back and forth between like a documentary style and actually a movie with a plot and a story. So it's really well done. But the thing I wanted to share is what you were talking about with neuroplasticity. There's so much science but around the idea that you can retrain your mind that you are not stuck with these thoughts that keep you in a dark place. But I think that people don't trust that they can be happy because they hear messages like all you have to do is choose a good thought and that it feels so insulting to them. What we really have to understand is it took a long time of your brain thinking the same thoughts that that is now a well worn path. It's not easy to create a new neural pathway. It's like water does not flow upstream. It seeks the path of least resistance. But our brain does the same thing. It's going to think the thoughts that it's always thought because that's the easiest thing for us to do. It takes intentionality to say no over and over again until I can create a new neural pathway. So this movie talks about receptor cells that when you're young and you're like a child and you're formulating what does love feel like? Well, if you're in an abusive home, your brain is firing thoughts that love feels really bad and your receptor cells are. Love feels bad so that when you grow up, this, what society would call a normal, highly functioning love doesn't fit. You don't even have the receptor cells for it. But as you open up this space that there could be more, you're retraining your thinking mind and that kind of receptivity that there could be something more really helps. And this is where I think kind of the spiritual aspect comes in again is to surrender. I don't know what that looks like. I only have the receptor cells for what I know. I cannot come to this situation from anything other than my Christian ness. Right? So I want to surrender this. I want to hand this over to you, Holy Spirit, God, angels, whatever you want to call that, you know, realm of the unseen, because you know it all. You know the Alpha and the Omega, you know what's best for me. So show me how to see this Differently, because I can't. Like I can. I'm just incapable of it. And so anybody who is in really, really dark places, if you can just open up the space to allow, there could be another way. I may not know what it is, but I'm open. That little willingness to open the door to be shown away, now you're kind of inviting that in.

I so love that. I mean, what I'm actually hearing you say in a roundabout way in some of the most simplest forms is this pause moment where you're not reacting anymore but you're responding. Does that resonate pretty well? Is that kind of what you're saying?

You absolutely nailed it. Because we have these things that push our buttons. We have things that make us go back into the full throes of those emotions or those well worn pathways in our mind and it's again more noticing. Can I just observe and then create the space for something different? I was on an airplane with a woman who was going to see her mom and she was really upset about it because her mom had create been experiencing this degenerative bone disease. And she was just really kind of crippled and hunched over and not happy. And she said to me, so here's why I have really, really deep conversations on planes. I always say there's no accidents. I'm sitting next to who I'm sitting next to for a reason. Either I have something for them or they have something for me. So God help us get to that quickly or help me sleep, because it's one or the other, right? So that was what I was saying is let's get to it. And so she immediately opened up, which is the case most of the time. And she said, I know the reason that my mom is experiencing this kind of level of pain and depth of this disease is because of the hatred she holds. And I remember as a child when that started. It was when her brother married somebody that she did not approve of and thought that she was like robbing her brother of the life she thought he could have. And so I just asked her to tell me more about that. And she said whenever I see her, all she does is talk about her sister in law. And I said, no, you know, you can't change her. But what if you could change what you think might happen? Because you've already projected that when you meet with her, all she's going to do is talk about the sister in law. And that may be the truth. That is the evidence that you've had all the way up to this point. But what you could do is just create a space for something else. What if you said this is the time she's really going to see me. We're going to have a conversation, we're going to connect. And another thing that you could do is like this mental gymnastics. See her happy. Like when is the last time you saw her smile? And let's just say that was like at Christmas opening a present or you know, a really nice dinner and you know, she's really happy there. And then in your mind, introduce this picture of the sister in law. Then work on seeing her happy. Get the picture of the sister in law a little bit closer. Seeing her happy. Get a little bit closer until it's the picture of the sister in law that is making her happy. Now she'll never know you did this, but you're creating the space for a new reality and somewhere out there in the ethers that is being felt because thoughts are energy, Prayer works. You're willing to do the mental work for there to be another way for sure.

I mean, you can, you can, you can emotionally make yourself sick.

Oh yes.

You know, I love that story because it kind of reminds me I was thinking about my own mother. So I've shared with podcasts before that, you know, my mother and father, they, they had a very difficult upbringings and things of their own that I wasn't aware of, I wasn't privy to it. And I used to be find myself so angry, resentful because they missed, you know, huge chunks of my life early on, you know, and I was raised by a lot of surrogate parents and mentors and stuff along the way. And then I bumped into a good friend of mine, in fact, he might actually be in Yalls area, Chris Licurdo. And he asked me one question. He goes, why do you think you're so angry? Like, why are you so angry with your parents? And I was like, I don't know that I've ever thought about that. Or he said, let me ask you to try to consider something. He goes, how do people train parents to be parents? He goes, is it, is it not by they're just doing what they. What they've been illustrated. I'm like, well, yeah, I guess that makes sense. He goes, why don't you consider doing it this way the next time you see your mother and you want to get angry and you want to be bitter and resentful and stuff like that, it's clearly upsetting you. It's clearly holding you back. It's like you holding on to the Grenade. Expecting her to explode. He goes, he goes, here's what I recommend you do. Why don't you go back and ask her what her greatest wound is, when it occurred. And then from that point forward, always look at her as the eight year old little girl that was injured with bloody knees and fell down is just reaching up asking for her daddy.

Yay, I'm in.

It changed everything. It changed how I perceived grace. It changed how I sought mercy. It changed how I sought forgiveness for myself and for other people. Like it gave me a whole nother level right. Of not just emotional intelligence, but a spiritual fitness of freedom. I was freer.

Yeah.

Things you're talking about. And I think that's incredible.

One of my clients, this really reminds me of a story she was saying that she discovered that her husband had had an affair 20 years ago. And, and the mental spiral, you can imagine, just like the last 20 years, like how many times does that come at you in waves? You mean that was a lie? You mean that wasn't real? You mean everything? I thought like we were best friends. What happened to that? And she's deciding to stay in the marriage and work things out, which is a blessing for what she really wants out of her life and her relationship. However, every time we talk, she's still so bitter. And I think just this revelation of understanding there is nothing that can happen that can change the past. And you have every right to be angry. The question is, how long do you want to stay that way? Because this doesn't feel good. And if you want to feel anything other than what you're feeling, you're going to have to change the dialogue happening in your head. Because you're creating this well worn pathway doesn't make it any less true. And I'm not trying to tell you to be an ostrich with your head in the sand. I'm trying to help you see that you have the ability to, to choose again. And it's work. It's a discipline to say, hey, there's that trigger. I don't want to feel this way. I have to make a different decision.

Yeah. I mean we call that doing the push ups, doing the hard work first. Right. It's, it's the element of, you know, do the question really becomes do you want to be free? Because once the answer to that question is yes, it's okay. You have work to do.

Yeah.

Yes. They've done all this stuff. They've done some of these things and they've done these things wrong. What's your point? You don't have to hold on to it. Right? There is. I found in people that I have verbatim forgiven. Like, I've actually had to walk up and say, I just want to let you know I forgive you for X, Y and Z. And them start weeping. Turns out they've been carrying that stuff the entire time. You know, my. My parents were a pretty decent area that. My father, for example, who was a Marine and, you know, traveled and did what, did what marines do. He got involved in alcoholism, some other things along the way, and he missed a good chunk of my life, you know, but 13 years, 11, 12, 13 years old. He was there when I started my first company. Right. He actually helped me build the scaffolding out of the trash piles.

Right.

It was him. And then I had this interesting realization. When I was about 32 or 33, I began playing ice hockey, right? It's perfect for my ADHD brain. Right? Puck's going everywhere and I can just do it like this the entire time.

Love it.

When you play adult league hockey, your games are at 10 o', clock, 11 o', clock, and midnight. My father never missed a single one.

My husband plays hockey, so I can relate. I have to say, I missed the midnight ones.

Yeah, right. You know, so, you know, I don't know. It's just. It's. It's been really cool talking to you, for sure. If there was like one major thing, one major thing that you felt like could set a listener free or something, like a major takeaway, what do you think that would be?

I honestly feel like if you could just love yourself more, if you could see that you're worthy of this work, that there's no reason to stay feeling bad, to invite in feeling better, you're worthy of that work. And so I remember somebody asking. My mom and my sister and I were super, super close. And somebody asked her, because they saw us laughing hysterically in a restaurant, you know, to the point of causing a scene. And they went up and they asked her, like, how do you have such a close relationship with your daughters? And she said something that I will never forget. She said she was really contemplative about it, but she said, I honestly feel like I ask myself to let everything I think, let everything I say, let everything I do be out of love. And to me, that is just opening the space to allow. And that's where that guidance comes through.

Then it comes speechless. That's incredibly powerful.

A little bonus question, if you don't mind. I know we're almost out of Time. But I got just it spurred, like a jumble in my spirit. Jumble my spirit. I like to ask a question. What do you think.

Loving yourself? And then I guess, kind of side by side, loving. Loving someone else. Well, looks like. How does that play out in your life?

Well, if you truly could grasp that our Creator is good and that every good thought you have is stored in heaven for you, it's. It's like we wouldn't want to waste any more time on the things that make us feel bad, the negative energy of it. It's like we really want to have this filter of what we let in so that we can let what comes out be better. So to me, loving yourself is to give yourself that grace of humor. Like, there is no finish line. There is no point where I am going to arrive that would take all the fun out of it. So I get to have fun on the journey. And the same in relationships is if I expect perfection, you will always let me down. So how can I have fun with who you are and allow who you are to shine and find ways to help that part of you shine even more? That's really the best gift we can give to one another, is to allow people to be and to flourish.

You're amazing.

I've had the fortune, honor, and pleasure of getting to know you through brand builders and all the work you're doing there. As a personal brand strategist, I've been just enamored with your spirit and kind of how you approach things and how beautiful it can come across and the work that you bring help a lot of people do. I know I'm forever going to be a follower of yours for sure. So out of that, what is the best way for the audience to connect with you and stay connected with you, maybe even work with you in some of the things that you're doing.

Well, I appreciate you asking that. I guess it depends on what they're really looking for. So as a personal brand strategist, I'm so happy to have a free call with people. And so there is an opportunity to really sign up and spend an hour together to look at what you're trying to do with your business. So that would be the free call. Like, do you have that that you can put in show notes for people for a link maybe. Okay. And. And if people are looking for spiritual breakthrough coaching, my website allows you to kind of schedule a discovery call so there's a link where you can actually set up a time to have a call together to explore whether spiritual coaching is for you. And my website is kristenhartnagel.com Very cool.

Well, I'm gonna put all that in, show notes for sure. I just want to pivot just for a second kind of personal brand stuff. This is something that I think one of the things that you've actually taught me through this process is that having a personal brand may or may not mean you're trying to actually build a flat out personal brand business model. The whole thing I'm seeing, at least in my company. I've even talked to my leader, my executive leaders here at one of my larger companies about the importance of having a personal brand identity as a leader here.

So true. You know, I think lots of companies are looking for people within their organization to say, who can we position as a thought leader, who can we help to get their lens on what we do out there? Because a person can cast a net that a company can never cast. And so how can you say what you do in such a way that you're going to be a magnet to the right people and not trying to convince everybody, but people do business with people more than they do with business. So the power of a personal brand is just clarifying what makes you unique so that you are like the people who are meant to work with you can feel you are their person.

Yeah, for sure. I mean, that's been my experience. I was very honest with Rory when he and AJ first decided to set out and create Brand Builders. And obviously you're one of the founding team members there. I was like, Rory, dude, the first time I did this, I love people. Well, I did all the right things. I had the, ah, moments, but man, I was a mess. I was talking about this and that and that over here and like all this kind of stuff and man, I wasted a lot of money, you know, and, you know, and since I've been working with Brand Builders as a, as an actual client, let alone some of the strategy stuff, I have actually experienced a huge lift in just being clear. You know, I think my buddy Dave says it's unkind to be unclear. Right. So technically, if you're not taking the time, right, to get clear, then you might actually being kind to the people you're leading and stuff like that. I mean, Brand Builders has been amazing for me for sure. And that's. Obviously I've had the luxury of being part of your small group and stuff like that and actually getting some of your teaching. So whichever way that people decide to connect with you, I know they're going to be blessed for sure. So I really appreciate you coming on the show today and taking some time and walking us through with the spiritual fitness and breakthrough cycle can look like. There's so guys, there are so many. So many, like.

Pillar points, if you want to call them that are just like one thing takeaways here. There's just way too many. So make sure you listen to this a few times. I'll have my team going through the show notes and make sure we pull those out for Kristen and you guys. Kristen, thank you again for coming on the show. I really appreciate you big time.

Stephen, it's always a delight to spend some time with you. So thanks so much for the opportunity.

Awesome. All right, guys, that's it. You know the deal. If you got questions for the show, questionsurityprinciples.com if you're looking for a free resource to help you kind of start that breakthrough journey, you can go visit one of Kristen's websites or you can head over to JourneyPrinciples.comResources and take a pick of the letter. Until then, I'll see you again on the next journey principles. Take care, guys. Bye.

Bye.

If you like that interview, I know you're going to like this one, so make sure you check it out. Everybody has a superpower. The problem is people are so focused on wanting to have somebody else's superpower, they never take the time to discover their own.