This Simple Shift Took Me From Burned Out to Fully Alive

I only say yes. If it's a heck yes. If it's not, I'm saying no. And that's something that I've had to continue to get better and better at because I naturally am a people pleaser, man. I want to make sure everybody's okay and happy. But one of the lessons I had to learn is every time you say yes, you're saying no to something else. Yeah, it's not an easy thing at times, but when you find that alignment, boy, it makes life a whole lot easier.

Guys, welcome our good friend Jay and Ryerson. Dude, what is going on, man?

Brother, I am just, you know, it's been busy. I. I guess that's a good thing, but it's just. Yeah, life is busy with my. My oldest son is back from college, and he's going through the transfer portal. So that's taken up a lot of times, but that's kind of what's happening in my world.

I love it, man. Well, obviously, I'm getting a lot of things cooking on this side, too. You know, it's funny, last time, you know, I had a conversation, um, I think we, like, instantly just gravitate toward each other, like, completely aligned. And, you know, I was thinking about that this morning before we hopped on. It was like, man, we had such a good conversation. I just kind of want to, like, continue the conversation we already had in any ways. You know, we spent a lot of time really focused on this. This core concept called alignment, at least for. At least for what we were doing. And I know you and I vibe there. I know it's part of the Let Go win philosophy, you know, let's Go Win philosophy. I know it's part of, like, your DNA makeup. And, you know, it's funny, I've recently discovered in order to speed things up, you have to slow things down. And I'd love you to jump in there because your insights, man, we were jamming on that last podcast, man, was phenomenal. So the audience has to understand and. And because it's where I'm trying to move the audience towards is this, you know, this living from the inside out kind of concept. So tell me more.

Yeah, man. I mean, alignment for me is everything. And. And I know that sounds so cliche, but it just is. For instance, I built and sold three companies in the financial service world, and that was cool, but did it really fill me? Was it really, like, did I jump out of bed the way I do now? No, I. I didn't and didn't mean that. I didn't I wasn't good at it. I was actually very good at it. But it wasn't in complete alignment with what I wanted in terms of my family life, in terms of, you know, my health, in terms of all these things. And so I think what's so fascinating for me, Steven, is like, every single day I have to look at, or I choose to look in the mirror and say, am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Is this in alignment? And really, for me, it's coming down to I only say yes if it's a heck, yes, man. If it's not, I'm saying no. And that's something that I've had to continue to get better and better at because I naturally am a people pleaser man. I want to make sure everybody's okay and happy. But one of the lessons I had to learn is every time you say yes, you're saying no to something else. And my wife and I were just having that conversation this morning because I'm at this interesting point with my business right now, and it's like, man, I'm. I'm going to have to say no to a lot of things because I want this to be in complete alignment. I want it to thrive and be abundant. So, yeah, it's not an easy thing at times, but when you find that alignment, boy, it makes life a whole lot easier.

Yeah, well, and I think that's the thing. I think you go through life, seasons, business seasons, family season, all this kind of stuff. And I. Part of me believes that you go through those different seasons because you're trying to find alignment. You know, it's. It's almost like the divine is trying to help you communicate. Hey, this is what really matters. So if you want to have a business that's like, truly fulfilling, if you want to have a life that's truly fulfilling, like, you have to have the power of contrast, it seems like, to really appreciate, like one side or the other. So I'm curious just because I'm a big believer in contrast, I would assume kind of like what you just mentioned before is like, hey, I went and created these great businesses. I saw these great companies been which most entrepreneurs never do, not even one company, let alone three. But I'm not happy. I'm not aligned. Right. Was there like a catalyst moment, a pivot moment where it just became. It was like almost like thrown in your face that, hey, something had to change. Because I find that entrepreneurs and business owners and leaders all the time, they get right super close and then they Pull back right before they're about to tip into alignment.

Yeah. So for. For me, what happened? For to truly find my. What I call my purpose, my alignment was I wrote the first book, let's Go Win. And I actually wrote it for we have two sons, 19 and 15 year olds now. And the whole idea of the book was I wanted them to have a guidebook about the philosophies that my wife and I believe in in case she and I were no longer on this planet.

Yeah.

Well, what happened was I ended up. I wasn't going to publish it. And the gal said, man, you're selfish. And I was like, what are you talking about? She's like, if you don't publish the book and share it with more than two people, you're selfish. Okay, cool. So did that. And what I realized is now that I was so vulnerable, which is chapter one, is literally vulnerability.

It just started to bring me to this place of holy cow. This is a different. This is just a different feeling. There's not so much effort and resistance. It's just kind of flows. And maybe an example I'm going through right now, for me personally, I work out six days a week. I eat what I consider extremely clean, and yet I continue to put on weight. And I was like, what is going on? Went and had my blood done with my functional medicine doctor. And she looked at it and was like, your kidneys aren't functioning the way they need to be.

Oh, wow.

So the point of this is my body was out of alignment. Even though I'm taking the supplements, I'm working out, I'm eating clean. Something was out of alignment. And brother, in one week, because it's only been a week, I have dropped 14 pounds because my kidneys are now starting to function and get in alignment. And it wasn't radical changes. I was just. I took less protein that I was eating and now I'm doing more of some grains I had never, ever heard of. And my point in saying all that is I. My body was out of alignment. And I. It wasn't a matter of effort. I was putting in the effort, brother. There's no more I can do. My body was just like locked up. And that's what I see happen with business owners and entrepreneurs all the time, is it's not necessarily a lack of effort. It's just something's out of alignment.

Yeah. I would actually say it's almost too much effort. One of the things I've been a very big proponent of recently, that is like hustle, culture, Must die like this, this element that by, by sheer activity you're going to become successful rather than focused intensity and, and I love the fact that you brought up the mind body connection because you know I'm public with my audience. I, I want to, I want a supplement that's a top testosterone supplement. So in 2017 I went through a radical business reversal. Suspected embezzlement scenario and all this kind and my cortisol shot through the roof. I jumped back into business two years, barely saw my family and my testosterone got toilet like it was in, it was trash and you know, I think it was probably a little bit and I put, and I put on a bunch of weight really fast and, and I'm somebody like you. I, I work out all the time. I try to eat clean for the most. I mean I, I, I, I am, I do the, the occasional cookie because I do like cookies. But now I discover the built bar puffs but so I kill two birds with one stone. Eat, eat fun and eat good. You know. But during that season I was wrapped up in, in that same kind of thing. Like I, my body wasn't functioning and what I realized was because my body wasn't performing at its optimal level, it was influencing how my brain operated. Like my, my mental acuity began to struggle. Lo and behold I went and go did a, an extensive blood panel and found out about my testosterone. I found out about cholesterol, I found out about all these different things. And I'm a, I don't like pharmaceuticals personally. Like I just, they, they're kind of like I, you know, it's like a, only if I absolutely teach. Totally must. That's after I've tried other things kind of thing. Fortunately, I'm in a position where you know, good friends with Gary Breca and you know, so having Gary in your corner is like, well, are you getting sunlight? Are you getting your feet on the grass? Are you doing this? Are you doing that? And to your point, I mean I, I took a few supplements that are all organic, all natural made and my body now digests proteins. Most people don't understand that their primary reason that they're struggling is because their body can't actually metabolize or methyl I think he calls it methylize the, the, the proteins. Right. So I say all that to say that I'm, I'm with you and that's one of the reasons I, I think I'm so happy you brought it up and why I wanted to chip in here a little bit because it is, it is A active part of my lifestyle as well, in trying to make sure that we're like, you know, really trying to optimize for, I would say longevity, I would even call it performance. Right now I got the benefit of, you know, you know, looking lean and stuff like that, but at the same time, like, it's, it's actually because I want my mind to function right.

Well, and even from an energy standpoint, this is. I woke up yesterday, and I swear to you, brother, I'm 47 now. I felt like I was 25, 21, and I didn't realize it had been a decade. And I, I kid you not, brother, yesterday was one of those days where I was electrocuted. And I, I, typically, people think I run pretty high. I realized how much effort I was having to do, to go do all these things. Yesterday it was so easy. And I had, I was like, what is happening? Where I didn't realize I was lacking this energy? I was doing all the stuff. Yeah, but was I as sharp as I could have been? Was I bringing this energy? What blockages were present? And my point is, it was because my body was out of alignment to that work.

Yeah. Well, let's go. Let's move from the body to the, to the spiritual slash, mindset. You know, one of the things I, that I, I did just before we got on is I woke up this morning, I did my prayer meditation time and then I went out into the, the green area here, Sat on the, sat on the ground in the grass, did another meditation. It's probably in only 10 or 15 minutes, I guess. Came back in, started getting ready for the show. And I feel like, I feel energized. And you, I get you on, on the other end. It's like I can feel the energy coming this way. Dude, I like, okay, this is gonna be really rock rock solid. Cool.

What are your thoughts? And I, I know your thoughts, but I want you to talk about it. What are your thoughts on the inner man coming to the forefront and, and how to, how to bring that forward? Cause I find a lot of men struggle with vulnerability. Like, vulnerability is a huge one, which I'm so glad that that's obviously the first chapter in the book. And also they also struggle with connecting to the divine source. Yep.

This has been such a radical shift for me over the last, I would say, five years now. I've meditated consistently since my early 30s. And like, I. It's one of my non negotiables. I'm going to meditate every single day.

Cool.

But the actual connection, the actual like to source, it, it is still an ongoing process where my three non negotiables that I won't miss are breathwork, meditation and yoga. It's 11 minutes of each. So there's 33 minutes of my sacred time that no matter what happens, I don't care if I'm waking up at 4am to hop on a flight, I'm getting up at 3 to get my 33 minutes in. I just the way it works. But that, that idea of connecting to source, to God, to universe, whatever it is that you subscribe to, it's. It's one of those things that I think it's a personal journey. It's something that I've become much, much closer. And, and I've actually talked to God several times in my meditations. Now, had you asked me in my 20s, that was not happening, man. Like, I didn't have a great relationship because I was raised Catholic and I didn't. And nothing against Catholicism, it's not a bad thing. But for me, it wasn't in alignment when I finally just figured out that, gosh, it's not about a religion, it's not about, you know, it's about finding your connection.

Yeah.

And as you mentioned, Gary Brecke, you know, being outside, grounding yourself, getting sunlight, getting some quiet time. That's how I've discovered my connection to source so much better. And it's, it's, it's just an amazing thing. It's, it's obviously very hard to describe because it's so personal to each.

Yeah.

But yeah, it's been an awesome, awesome process. And that's kind of my, my non negotiables are those three things. Breathwork, yoga, and I do a. Sorry, meditation. But in my yoga, I do one for each chakra, one pose for each chakra is, is kind of my process.

Yeah, no, I love that. And here's, I guess the one of my major takeaways for, for folks who maybe haven't discovered a connection to source, so to speak, or a connection to them. I would call it their high. You can even call it your higher self, like that connection. This is. But this was the most, the, the most difficult one for me. It was like stillness, just getting still. And it's funny. It doesn't matter. You know, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a person of faith. So, you know, I, I subscribe to the Bible, a lot of it. Stuff in there. And it, there's this phrase that my grandfather used to Tell me as a kid, he said, be still and know that I am God. So be still and then know the downloads. And I don't know about you, but in my stillness is where I get the downloads and my stillness is where I get the innovative ideas. In my stillness is where I, a team member, breakthrough. My stillness is when I get the relationship connection. So has stillness played a role in your life? And if so, can you describe it?

Yeah, brother, I love this question and here's why. So again, I'll go to the first book, let's Go Win. I ended up discovering let's Go Win. I was on a 10 day retreat, but three of those days I was out in, you call it a silent meditation. It was me, a tent, a gallon of water and a sleeping bag. That's it for three days. There is no writing, there's no reading. There is just you and your thoughts and nature. Well, guess what, downloaded to me this whole idea of let's Go Win. Now I go back, write the book, and my wife and I are moving from California to Florida after the book had come out and, and she's like, hey, can you go clean up the garage? And I was like, sure. So I go, I'm cleaning up.

Was it like sure, like sure, honey, or is it like sure?

Oh no. It was like, yes, I guess I will. So I go into my memento box and I'm flipping through a journal. Sure enough from I. I want to say it was my junior year, there's let's Go Win. The exact same logo. It's in black and white though. I wrote about it over 20 years ago.

Wow.

Completely forgot about it. And in that three day silent meditation, it came down like, you wouldn't like, what have you been doing with this? And I, I had no idea that I had written about this in my early 20s. So to your point, brother, it's, it's changed my entire life. It does. On a, on a daily basis, whenever I have a real struggle or a challenge or something I want answered, I used to just go run around and do the organized chaos activity. Now, like it just happened. Like I said this morning, my wife and I are having a deep conversation and it wasn't necessarily a pleasant one about some of the choices I'm going to have to make inside this company. Well, instead of freaking out about it, I just closed my eyes and I just went into what most would call a meditative state and I asked God, you know, this is my intention for today. And then I just received whatever came down and you know, sometimes they're not answers that you want to hear. By the way, that's, that's about 50, I think. That's weird. Yeah. You know, that's where people like, oh, I don't want to hear the bat. That's part of it, man. It's not always what you think you want to hear, but it's probably what you need to hear.

Yeah, well, I think goes to the place of truth. The truth will set you free. Right. So if, if you're, if you're really seeking, and this is something I want entrepreneurs and leaders to understand because they're starting to see more of a shift in the stuff that I'm putting out as well. And even inviting amazing guests like you on. It's like I want people to fully understand the holistic approach to what it lives a life and build a business from the inside out and fully lived like nothing on nothing. And it's so interesting because obviously you sold three business. We could, we could spend hours just talking about how to build and scale companies. Right. And I find that entrepreneurs and leaders are, that's the. Yes, I want that, I want to learn more about that. I'm like, yeah, but it's the inner person that's going to do all that. So if we don't like work on the inner you, the outer you is never going to perform at that level. Right. So when we're talking about stillness and these downloads, like you know it for the average person, it may sound like, I don't, I'm not sure. Like I, I, I'm, I'm like, I'm telling you right now for me, and that's why it's like they hear it from me. They're now hearing it from you. It's like, no, this, this inner world thing is real. Oh, it's real. And the other thing, I, and then I want you to speak on this, I'm gonna give you a word and I can't wait to hear what you say about it because it's been resonate in my, in my spirit recently.

Because I, I feel like entrepreneurs and leaders, they go through a lot of births and redefs, right? They're, they're constantly, if they're, if they're doing their work, the inner work and they're becoming the highest version of themselves and really trying to maximize themselves in their business and teams and all they're doing, they're going through life and death cycles constantly. I know I've been through, I think 10 of mine that I can think of or. I'm literally a different Stephen than I was the last time and the time before that and the time before that. And the word is redemption.

Redemption.

I feel like there's so much guilt and shame that we carry as people that we won't let ourselves reinvent ourselves because we won't let ourselves become redeemed. So I want to hear your. Your thoughts on that.

I have taken something from Laozu and I. I've simplified it. I say it to myself all the time. Past is painful, future is anxiety, and present is everything. So, to your point, with redemption, there is not a darn thing I can do about what happened in the past. I cannot. I don't have a time machine, Stephen, and maybe you know of one. I'm not familiar with one. I cannot go back and change it. And I, even myself, I will find myself thinking, oh, my gosh, again, this is so poignant, because my wife and I are talking about this. We have invested and put so much into this particular thing that it's like. But I need to see it through. Well, actually, no. Maybe it's just not the right decision. Maybe it just didn't work out. And any energy I spend on whatever we did in the past is wasted. Here's the other crazy thing. Worrying about what's going to happen six months from now, a year and a half from now, is complete wasted energy. And I do it all the time. I don't like it, but I'll wake up, literally, I'll wake up in a panic and go, I am literally thinking about what's going to happen in the future. When I'm able to just stay present, that idea of redemption falls away. Because, look, all I can do in this moment is give a hundred percent to Stephen and his audience. I'm going to give everything I have. And then when I go to my next thing, I'm going to give everything I have. What I found is fulfillment when I do that. But when I'm in my head thinking about, oh, my gosh, what. Whatever I did in the past, these mistakes, or, oh, my gosh, what if I don't do this? What if, what if, what if? Yeah, brother, I can't. I can't bring any gifts to the world. So when you say that word, that's exactly what I think of is, how can I just stay present? And I'm not. I can't worry about what I did in the past, and I certainly can't worry about what's going to happen. What can I do right this second?

Yeah, No, I love that. In fact, it made me think a little bit about it seems like you can set an intent for a future date, but if you're not operating in the present moment, then you're gonna have the anxiety and the fear and all the things that kick into that. You know, man, that's so interesting. It's funny, you know, I was telling the audience all your books are phenomenal. Like everything that you do is all your content, everything you put out is phenomenal. That's why it's so hard to select what one. One lane to go down. And then let's go down this lane. We have enough having an 18 hour podcast. I'm going to ask you a question as a brother, as someone who I believe is, some would call it a light worker or like whatever. It's just whatever, whatever term you want to use. You're somebody who's actively trying to serve the world. And one of the things I appreciate about you is you don't have to. It's, it's. And we could position to the get to concept but it's for that this is something you do because you're actively trying to make the world a better place. Right.

This question is, is, is for you. Right. So you, you get to choose where to where you want to go with it. And that is what is one thing on your heart that you've been dying to talk about that you have not yet shared with the world?

Wow, that is a big question.

Gosh, I love the get to idea because that it's true. You know what I would say here's because you mentioned light versus dark, I've made a lot of money in what I would consider more the dark area. And it was so easy, Steven. My goodness, it was easy. And yet what I would tell you is it wasn't. I wouldn't change anything doing the work I'm doing now. And my point to that is like sometimes working in the light world, I don't know about you, but it feels amazing. But that doesn't mean that man. It's just crushing it financially. In fact, many of my endeavors, no, I'm losing money. But this feeling of like, oh, it just feels so good and to serve people in a different way in a, in a way that truly is just a benefit to them. Yeah, I don't know. That's. That's something that I, I guess I don't, I don't talk about really ever. And it wasn't that what the companies that built were bad. That's not the Point. But I knew I wasn't in alignment, and I knew it wasn't really, in my opinion, what I was put on this earth to do. I was good at it, made a lot of money at it. Okay. But, gosh, it just wasn't fulfilling. So I don't talk about that very often. So I guess that would be on my heart. The other one was what I already brought up about the. The health, because I'm telling you, man, I. Yesterday was one of those days. I just want to put it in a bottle and be like, never forget that feeling, because. Holy cow. But I think a big part of that is through this doing the. The light work. Which, by the way, you say light. That doesn't mean easy, by the way.

No, it means. It actually means the opposite. Nitrous of the time. Yeah.

Right. And that. That's those moments of stillness where people are kind of like, I don't want to do that. I get it. Like, sometimes facing our demons or listening to our inner critic or our thoughts, that can be really scary. But I'll tell you what, every time you do it, it's so worth it.

Yeah. Dude. Oh, man.

There's so many different lanes I want to go down with you. Let's do it this way. Because we've been talking about the. We'll call it the inner man, but it really means the inner person, right. Male or female? A lot of our. We have a. Our audience is 60, 40, right. It's mainly female and. And mask or males, which is kind of really. Which is an interesting dynamic, actually.

And, you know, so there's. There's a part of the energy that. That states, hey, look, I'm. I'm kind of jamming. I. I feel this. This call to be more of myself or more of my true self. Right. And there's also the other side of each of the light and darks. Like, no, but we need to. We need to make money. We need to get a house. We need to be able to do this and go do that and whatever. And at least for me in my journey, like, all of that really what I would call forcing, right? So my first company that I built and sold and whatever and that I get, quote, unquote, credibility about was a very painful journey right now. It produced all kinds of fruit that now allows me to do like. Like you. It allows me to do things that I want to do versus, quote, unquote, have to do or need to do. But in that same part of that journey, I think there's this. There's this component of understanding that nothing is wasted. So can you go back in your journey and see that everything that you've experienced so far, it's actually. Even if it was painful, was actually a massive blessing for where you are today? Because I feel like people, including myself back in the day, would like, really, it's like, you know, it's almost like lead you to victim thinking versus lead you. Leading you towards out of. Like, towards something amazing.

Yeah, I. When you say that, there are two great examples for me, that they were painful as can be, and yet they're some of the greatest lessons I can ever have. The first was my wife and I were separated for almost a year. And if you were to ask me in that moment, there is no way we're about to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. But you. There's no way you could tell me we would be married today. No. No possibility. And I remember in that moment, brother, looking in the mirror and going, I was at the point. I. I was the victim. She was this and that. And I finally had to look in the mirror and go, look, bud, you made just as many mistakes and choices. You gotta. You gotta own that piece. It was so painful to not have my family full time, because my boys are. And my wife are everything but my boys, not having them every single day with me, no, that's just. That didn't work. And it is a lesson that I don't think I'll ever forget. It's a level of perspective that I appreciate, but I had to look in the mirror and say, where are you screwing up? And the truth was, I was way too involved at work. You talk about the hustle culture, man. I was 100% rise and grind. And I'm just gonna go just, you know, all the way every day. And it was so focused on the business that I forgot what I'm even doing it for, which was my family. Yeah, that one was one of those moments that I'll never forget because again, I look at it, we're. We're separated. I was almost £300 at the time. My health was not great. I was definitely drinking way too much. And it just wasn't a great time. Even though financially, from the outside looking in, you're like, well, this guy's making seven plus figures a year. Everything. Everything looks great. And it was a. It was just a sham, man. Everything wasn't great other than financially. And the other one is lose my dad. You know, the way I lost my dad was pretty tragic and sudden. And what I would say is. It's awful. And I wouldn't wish it upon any. Anyone. And yet I have a level of perspective towards life that you cannot buy. And I appreciate every single day on this planet because of that. Now, again, I don't wish it upon anyone. And yet, in those moments of just agony and pain and misery, there's a lesson to be learned there, if you're willing to see it. And. And I know it's hard to say, man, it's hard for people. They're going through it. They're going through whatever they're going through. And it's like, really, J.M. you want me to see the lesson? Yeah, man. If you can just know that it's there. There's something, there's a. There's a download. But you gotta be willing to see it. And it sucks to go through it. I'm not saying it's easy.

Yeah.

But if you can find the lesson, it's, It's. It's definitely worth it.

Hey, guys, I hope you're enjoying the show. Steven Scoggins here. I've got something that I think is I'm gonna blow your mind. Imagine taking your life and your business to the whole nother level. I'm talking about an eight figure level and beyond. You see, you've been working your butt off to build your business to where it is now. But what if you could work smarter, free up more time, make more money and impact along the way? How much would that be worth to you? You see, I can prove that basic steps, basic mindset shifts and subtle changes can make the biggest difference. I want to introduce you to the eight figure mindset makeover. It's absolutely free and it's here for you. It's a powerful summary of my top strategies that help propel me from the streets, if you will, to upwards of nine figures and quote, unquote success as we like to chase it. This is more than just tips, though. It's a complete mindset overhaul with simple hacks that you can apply today to begin working on your unprecedented heights in your own business. I would like the honor to share these types of things with you that turn my dreams into reality so you can experience the same type of joy and freedom that I now get to live out in my own day. In other words, it's time for you to build your own unstoppable enterprise. And if you're really ready to take it to the next level and elevate your life and your business, this is an absolute game changer for you. So if you want to take advantage of this free resource, simply go to the show notes and click the link. Or you can go to stevenscoggins.com 8Figure, that's steven scoggins.com backslash 8Figure. Until then, much love, God bless. Let's get back to the show. Take care. A lot of us are going to have life upheavals, right? And I feel like the first thing that happens when you have a life upheaval is it could be a business reversal, it could be a relationship, could be a number of different things. The first thing that happens is that you immediately want to resist it. And at least for me, the only way it really works is if I really lean into it to your point, I go in and say, okay, where's Stephen? Where's Stephen in all this? You know, do I have no responsibility, partial responsibility, full responsibility?

Is this really mine? Like, you know, is this. Is this. Is this a Steven thing or is this a them thing? And they're working through their own inner world, that kind of thing. But you talked. You just talked about finding the lesson. And I'm a big believe in, big believer that there are certain times and places that you can't find the lesson without going through a specific gate. Right. Going through some of the things that you just described. And I also believe that there are two ways that we can learn lessons for ourselves. First is through our own experiences, our own pains, and the things that we would go through. Joys, perspectives, all kinds of stuff. And the second is learning from other people that have already been through that journey that we haven't had to yet walk through. Right. That's the whole premise behind the guide and the hero's journey is. Right there's. The guide's already done that. Right. It's coming back in to kind of help the hero. What are, what are. What is one lesson per experience that you just shared that you would only have discovered by going through those two different gates?

Yeah. So the first one.

I'm not a victim, and I. I am a victor. And it's really a choice at the end of the day, like, everyone has their woe is me story, but ultimately you get to choose that you are a victim or you are a victor. And we actually do it all the time, little micro moments. You're gonna choose to be a victim or victim. And in that moment, the first one with my wife, I was not a victim. I 100% thank God. She chose to fight for our marriage, and she was really the catalyst to get it started. But it was some of the things she said to me I had to internalize, look in the mirror and say, dang, you know what? She's right. I could have easily just said, but you're this and that, and just got defensive. But instead I said, you know what? What do I want? I want my family. I want to be happy. So I just had to take it on the chin and say, you know what? You're not a victim, man. You, you choose to be a victor. And that meant getting up, getting to the gym, getting work at that started with the body, and then it all came to fruition. The second one, Gosh, the second one. It really is just knowing how much, how precious every single day is.

I haven't valued every single day the way I do now. And even, you know, I even have on my bathroom mirror keep perspective. And in the quotations, it's Dick Fong, who's my brother in law, who's passed away at the age of 49. And then my dad passed away. And the reason I put that is they would love to have whatever problem I'm going through right now, they didn't have. They, they don't have that choice. They're no longer here. So no matter how bad it feels like, just know that somebody wishes they had that. Somebody that's no longer here. And so that's when I'm dealing with the stuff, the painful stuff. It's like you, you almost just want to say thank you and be like, all right, this too shall pass. Yeah, you're strong enough to overcome it and just know that somebody wishes they had this problem. So kind of look in the mirror and let, let's, let's get going, man. Yeah, there's, there's no reason to wallow in your sadness.

Yeah, I'm so glad you mentioned that because I, there's a, there's a scriptural reference that says there's beauty for ashes. And what I, One of the things I've, I've often trying to communicate to the audience, whether I'm talking one on one to somebody or on the stage or doing whatever, is this concept of lean in. If you lean into it, you get the beauty for the ashes. So you're going through the ash phase, you're going through the difficulty, you're going through the I, I, my friend of mine would call it the crushing. Right. I remember I was doing a, the night before I was doing a three day live event. This friend of mine walks in after the, to the event the following day where I just found out the night before that there was likelihood of a bit of a. An attempt at a hostile takeover and all this kind of stuff. So I was wrecked. I didn't see it coming. Completely blindsided people moving for 12, 15 years long, long term. And I remember figures her name was Nish goes, honey, oh no, honey, you can't. Don't go, don't go into tears, honey, don't do that. I'm like, I'm, you know, I'm, you know, I'm. She's like, oh no, this is the cost of the calling. You can't go with. You can't go to where you're supposed to go without going through here.

And, and as, And I. That. As clearly that's. That stuck with me because that's 2017 when that conversation took place. And then I can look, look overlay that with the rest of my life. And I'm like, man, I've been through 10 of those at different points where I thought the entire world was caving in and had to question everything. But it was in those questionings that I began to discover the, in the inner, the inner man and kind of like work through stuff. And I've found that.

The reason that tension is so, I guess has so much tension is because the, the ego is trying to protect you and it thinks by trying to protect you that it's, you know, and minute. Meanwhile, there's this other element of yourself that likes. Says, no, no, this is good. This is good for us. Like, you know, so there's that tug of war between the two. And what I've heard you even describe, even in those two examples is there was a little bit of a death of an ego and a picking up of a spirit man, if you will, which I absolutely love, because that's kind of my world right now. And in doing so, based on what you said, like even using the relationship example, first, you guys went through a storm. You go, you guys both changed, both developed, both evolved, and now your marriage is more beautiful than ever, you know, and you have this new perspective for your dad and his life and, and kind of how. What, what the meaning of life is because of that moment. So that has its own beauty. You know, maybe, if you don't mind, maybe express some of the, the beautiful moments that come out of the other side. Because I really want to encourage people to stop resisting the change instead of just like, let's open our arms and say, okay, I'm here for it. Like, I, I'm here for it.

Yeah, it's. And and what I want to say to everyone is it's. I'm not suggesting it's easy. Right. And that's. I, I do. I appreciate that. The, The. The gal that's looking at you saying, oh, honey, all you really are saying, just come give me a hug, lady, because I'm hurting. Man, this sucks.

Yeah.

So let me just give the context. So I lost my dad to suicide three years ago.

Okay.

He's my hero. He's one of the closest human beings I'll ever have in my life. And again, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I want him back every day.

But that level of perspective for how much I love and appreciate and have. Find joy in life, I couldn't. I, I, I don't know if I couldn't. I, I never received that until after losing him the way I did. And so, yeah, man, it's. It's one of those things where I know in that moment doesn't feel good. It feels awful. And you want to blame and you want to ask, you want questions answered that unfortunately, you probably never will have answered. But you said this word season before, and I think it's so important. And I talk about all the time. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And regardless of who they are, whether it's for a reason or that, for that season or for that lifetime, grab a hold of it and, and just love every moment of it while you have it. Because as you mentioned, you came onto my show, and I was like, oh, dude, whether he knows it or not, he's in my life for a long time. You know, there's. There's.

I was actually just. I'm already picturing, I said, jm's gonna be at the retreats. He's gonna be teaching at the retreats I'm gonna put on.

I mean, it just makes sense because it. When you see that opportunity. And again, if it's a lot of men listening, and this is where most men aren't willing to be vulnerable and be like, hey, dude, I'm really attracted to you. Not in that way, but like, yeah, as a brotherhood. Just feel this. Yeah. And by the way, I don't find that very often, unfortunately. I've met some people that are great, but Steven, to me, is not a reason.

He's.

He's at least a season. And he may be a lifetime guy because we're so aligned. There's that word again. And so I guess what I would say is just when you see the opportunity, don't Be afraid to just go grab it and just, just put yourself out there and just know that, yeah, you could get burned. Yes, it could be scary being vulnerable, but just. It's so dang worth it.

Yeah.

And. And so those are just some of the things that I wish again with my dad specifically. The reason being vulnerable is so important to me is what if I had been able to get him to open up about what he was really going through.

Yeah.

And I didn't. I didn't. I don't have that chance. And, and that's that. That is what it is.

Yeah.

But now that burns my desire to help others so they never get to anywhere near that point.

So there's more fruit. You know, it's, it's. I'm, I'm so glad you mentioned. Because let's talk to. I'm going to talk to the men for a minute and then we ladies just, you know, just be patient with me because I'm gonna bring it back together.

I've discovered that when men will let their guard down with other men that were already in a very healthy place or very grounded space, very, some would call it divine, masculine, whatever you want to call it doesn't matter. It's. It's a presence. Right. It's like, I don't need anything from you, you don't need anything from me. But I'm here to, I'm here to hold space. I'm here, I'm here. So you can take off your armor, put your arm on the ground. Because at least as for me growing up, all the way up until a little. I'm 49 now, almost 50. And I think it was just up until the last three months that I felt like it was safe to take my armor off from time to time and like, and not show up with like this heavily weighted armor. Because, you know, I've been fighting battles my entire life. Right. And I find that men specifically struggle with that because I think one, at an early age, we're taught, hey, you gotta be the knight in shining armor, you gotta slay the dragon by yourself. Like, we're taught isolation early. Right. And I find that to being a bit of a difficult thing. So yes, when I come across another brother, it's like, no, it's. It's cool to be. It's actually really cool to be healthily grounded, healthily healthily aligned and, and understanding regulation and understanding how do you need to respond? You don't need to react. You don't need to like, show up with huge presence of ego you seem to show up as you like, the authentic you like. I find that that is. It's very refreshing and encouraging to men, even though they may not admit it right off hand. There's. There's men watching and listening right now who were like, dude, I'd love to take my armor off. I'm so exhausted. I've been fighting. I'm fighting and I'm fighting at work, and I have to come home and fight at home. And I'm. I don't. I'm just. I'm not exhausted. Right. Meanwhile, and I've discovered this in. In my relationship life. When you do become a more healthy, grounded male that's not isolated, that is. Has the ability to be vulnerable with respect and stuff like that. It's almost like the. At least the female is very attracted to that. You. It's not like you're losing your pursuit of your mission or your goal. Right. It's just that you're come. It's coming. You're. You're creating healthy polarity, and that means the female oftentimes. And I'm using this in general terms because I think both male and female can go out and kick butt everywhere they want to or anywhere they want to, but that healthy polarity allows the other energy to relax. Right? And when I hear you, even when I'm hearing you kind of even mention to talk about your relationship a little bit, that's exactly what I saw happen. Like the energy, both your. Your and her energies were able to relax. And as a. As a result, they created polarity, and polarity pulled you guys. You guys pulled you guys back together. And now you can, you know, talk to the one person, right. That nobody else can really talk to about what you're going through as a man. And that's the person standing beside you.

Yeah, brother. The. I hope every. Both men and women heard that and I hope they embrace it because it is a lot of work to. Whether you armor. I call it the mask. Right. Like, masks are meant for parties. They're not meant for life. But if you keep holding on to that, it's really heavy, man. And it spends so much time and energy trying to be something that you're not. And here, the best example I can give, unfortunately, is, like I was taught, boys, boys don't cry. It's terrible fricking advice, by the way. It's absolutely. It's ridiculous. Yeah, but that's what I was taught. And like, I'm not suggesting you should go out there and. But I was watching a TV show last night, and this. This man had his daughter come cuddle with him, and I'm just like, forget about it. Like, I'm, you know, it's. It's. I'm crying and I guess the point is, if you can just be that free, how much easier is it to go through life, man? It's just so hard to try and look a certain way, act a certain way, stuff it all down. Well, what's going to happen if you keep stuffing? Eventually that thing's going to blow like a volcano of chaos. And it's. It's not great. So I hope people heard what Steven said, man, because. Yes, take off the armor. It's. You're going to save so much time, energy, and. And effort just being able to show up as you.

It's.

It's just such a cool thing.

Yeah, dude, I got one more question. We're almost out of time. Obviously, time flies. Every time we get together, we get connection. That just had me think of something with what you just described, and I feel like this is a subconscious control mechanism, and it's called judgment. It's the fear of being judged. How much lighter would life, business, relationship look if you didn't have a fear of being judged in any way, shape, or form?

I mean, look, here's the truth of it. You have zero control over what anybody thinks about you anyway. So why spend any time or energy on it? Right. And I understand it. Right. Because you want to be like people want to be liked. But if you have zero control about how somebody actually thinks or feels about you, why spend any time on it?

Yeah.

Like they're going to judge. I promise you. There are people on this planet that thought Mother Teresa was evil. That's pretty hard to say, but it's true.

Yeah.

So if she did all this great work and yet is still being judged, is still being hated on, why would you think you're going to be any different? We're not special in that regard. So just know some people are going to love who you are. Some people are indifferent, and some people are going to loathe you.

Yeah.

And that's okay because you're not their cup of tea. And that's totally okay.

Yeah. I think the only thing I'd piggyback on that, because that's such a great advice, is if your intent is to continually develop and personally grow yourself, become more in tune with yourself, become more aligned. Because the huge part of the show has been about alignment and the importance of it. Like, you could go and do twice as Much in the world with less effort by being fully aligned, period. Mic drop. That's it. Right. But there's also this concept of the intent is there? So it's like, don't go to. From my perspective, don't go and try to become something to make someone like you. Instead, become the truest version of yourself and the right people will find their way to you. Just like you and me, bro. Like, we didn't know each other what month ago, right? This is the second time we've hung out in a couple of weeks. You know, it's like, like. And now I'm like, yeah, JM's gonna be at the retreats. I'm gonna have him teaching. I know. I am like all like, I've already got that stuff in the back of my head and stuff. And just for different connection points, you know, for that, for that, for that same level.

Yeah, I. And we are energetic beings. Like, this isn't.

Woo woo.

This is literally we are energetic beings. And one of the things I say every single day is I am the energy I desire to attract. So in my opinion, people like Steven didn't come into my life by happenstance. It was like, no, I am putting this energy out there and that's what is being attracted back to me again. I'm not a victim. Yeah, I 100%. I am attracting whatever is coming to my life. It's on me.

Yeah, dude, I love you, brother. I can't thank you enough for coming on the show, man. We got to do like more and more and more. Is there any final words you want to share with the audience or where can everybody find more about you? We'll put everything in the show notes, of course.

But yeah, no, you know, brother, I just. Thank you. First off, thank you for the way you show up and being so vulnerable. You know, let's go in. That's if you look up. Let's go in. You're going to see my face. And I love connecting with people, inspiring people live their best life. I guess that's what I would say is don't be afraid to just put yourself out there.

Go.

It's a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful life. But just play full out.

Don't.

Don't play small, man. You deserve, you are worthy of it. So I just hope everybody can go play full out and have an amazing life.

Love you, brother. Thank you so much, Brian. Thank you, brother. I'll take you there. I hope you liked that video. And if you did, make sure you check out this next video right here. Unless you protect your own personal mental health. You cannot give to others. And so if there's someone in your life who is chronically bringing you down, bringing your energy levels down. I didn't know that we have control over that.