"THIS TRICK Will Let You Find Your PURPOSE In 11 Minutes!" | Marisa Peer

So as we began to look at how purpose is shape, how identity shaped, you know, what does the mind tell us as it relates to understanding a sense of purpose and a sense of identity?

Well, you know, we are all here for a reason. We're all here with a gift. And your gift lies directly behind and actually is linked to what you love to do at the age of 7 and 14. And many of us don't know, but if you're always doing puzzles, then you should probably be a strategist. If you're always, you know, cutting out stuff for your, making little clothes for your dolls at Kleenex, you're probably going to be a designer. If Jo Malone was always making perfume in her garden from old petals. And I used to write books, all them stories, and they were all stories about disadvantaged families. So clearly I was always going to be a therapist fixing people. Many people said I don't have a purpose, or surely my purpose is to find someone and have children. Isn't that my purpose? Well, that's a wonderful thing to do. But in fact, we all do have a purp. And when you find your purpose and have the confidence to go after it and the work ethic to do something amazing, your life will be extraordinary. But you see, in school we don't talk about what are your gifts. We talk about you got to be good at math and you got to be good at this. And we try to make all the children the same. I was lucky. I went to a very unusual school. My father was the head teacher, where you didn't have to go to lessons you weren't good at. In the whole of Finland now, children pick their curriculum. And my father saying, you know, these kids are good at it, so they can spend all their time, only what's the point of learning French? I mean, how is that going to help someone who's going to end up doing maybe being in construction? And so I think the whole education system where it pits kids, it doesn't reward effort, it only rewards achievement. The smart kids get the same prize as every year. You give one kid a prize and 30 kids don't get a prize. And you should not reward achievement. You should always reward effort. This kid spent much longer trying to. They, they deserve a prize. And so it's very important to have purpose. Many people are going to coach and say, I don't know why am I here? I don't know why I'm here. And it's very important to understand that you do have a gift. You may not know what it is, I mean, look at that movie, Catch Me if youf Can. That guy now works with the FBI. I recently met someone who had been a home burglar and he found an advert and he couldn't quite believe it. And he said, we're looking for someone who's invaded homes to come and work for our security system. And he got the job. And he said, it's just amazing. I would have never realized, but I had a gift for getting through security. But it feels so good that I'm now using that gift. You know, Oprah Winfrey, for instance, knows what it was like to be a disadvantaged child. And now she's helping children all over the world. So often you think, well, I don't know what my gift is, if I even got a gift. You do have a gift. You absolutely have a gift and you can find it. But finding the gift is just the first bit. You then have to work on your sense of worthiness. I deserve success. I'm worthy of success. And then you have to decide how much effort you're going to put into. Obviously, hey, I want to be a millionaire. But, well, I don't know, I want love. But they have this weird thing about, I'm just going to sit on the couch, I want love. I'm doing this manifesting and surely the love of my life is going to turn up at my door. No. First of all, decide you're lovable or worthy or you want an amazing career. But then you have to take the next step. Put yourself in front of the kind of person you would love to have a relationship with. If you're a girl and you want a guy, stop doing yoga and go into the weight room. If you're a guy, get out of the weight room and go into the yoga room. You have to be productive. Where are the kind of people I want to spend my life with? What kind of job do I want? Maybe I need to do some research, some extra studying to be around those people. It isn't enough to just have this wishing and hoping. Because when you wish and hope, what you're saying is, I wish for love, I hope for success. Your mind. Because we'll keep wishing and hoping. Never going to happen. Yeah, you have to go. I am going after this. What I want wants me. I'm moving towards it. I'm taking action. I will not let anything get in my way. And I think a lot of, well, not a lot. I think some self help tomes have made people believe that all you have to do is sit at Home and meditate and everything you want will turn up at your door. It's not quite like that. By all means, meditate.

That's been my experience.

Medicine for what you want. Then get the confidence to believe you're worth it and then take all the steps to go after it. You have to do all three, and all three go together very well. But you can't just do one. You can't go after what you want while believing you're not worth it. And you can't believe you're worth it without taking any action to make it happen.

So good. So good. You know, it's. Again, as you're. The more and more you chat, I'm just replaying all the steps that have taken me from where I used to be to where I'm at. And I've literally followed the exact same path that you're laying out over and over and over again at different levels. There's an old analogy. New levels, new devils. It's almost like you get the certain level of confidence here that takes you to this level of accomplishment, and then you have to kind of go through the process kind of. Again, not, obviously, not as deep as you had to before, but this constant spirit of reinvention, of realizing that personal growth is, in fact, personal.

Yeah.

Ownership of it. And I can say that for the longest time, I was the person because of some of the stuff with my parents. Chasing affirmation, chasing validation. So much so that it became more. Less of a hunger and more of a. Almost like a need or a necessity that led me to accepting pretty much anything or anyone early in my life, whether that person was equally as broken as I was or not. In that moment, therefore, I chased toxic relationships after toxic relationships after toxic relationship. And it wasn't until I actually was okay just being alone and being content and just, you know, and finding that sense of significance from within that you talk so much about that I fully began to truly understand my value. And that was when it seemed like the doors of healthy relationships opened up. Is that the same trajectory you see over and over again with people's behaviors?

Yeah. You have to realize your value. See, you know, I see a lot of people who, for instance, very classic, very sad analogy. A kid whose parents hurt them, hit them, shout at them, diminish them, say, wish I'd never had you. You ruined my life. Nobody will ever want you. And one of the very vexing things about the mind is our mind is hardwired to go back to what's familiar while running away from what is unfamiliar? So if you have a parent who criticizes you a lot and someone comes along and praises you, it feels so unfamiliar that your mind wants to go back to what it knows. And so we see many people who pick destructive relations go, I don't know what happened, but I met this person and we just clicked. And I felt I'd known them all my life. What you're saying is their behavior was so familiar, I accepted it as normal. When a nice person came along that was so unfamiliar, wanted to run away from it. So people who have never had praise, when you praise them and go, gosh, you know, you were really good this week, or I love what you wear, or I hear you're great, they say, no, actually no, that was a fluke. The person who's a better than they were sick or yeah, I've had this top for five years, got a hole in it. They actually reject praise and add in criticism because of our wiring that says, go back towards why any two year old says, I don't want to eat that yogurt, it's the wrong color, I don't eat that. What they're saying is, I don't know that food. And because I don't know it, I won't have it. Because of course, years ago, the minute a kid could go out on the prairie and pick their own berries, they only wanted to eat stuff they already knew. So familia used to keep us alive. I live in a fort, I'm not going to climb the walls and go off and find some strange natives down, they're probably going to kill me. And so years ago, familiar made us safe. But now we don't need to. And you have to understand, well, it's a fact that you are wired to return to what is familiar while resisting what is unfamiliar. Which is why, by the way, 70% of lottery winners are dead broke in three years. Because if you've never had money and you get it, you get rid of all of it straight away. But here's another fact. You can make anything you like familiar. And if you want to grow your self esteem, and why wouldn't you? The fastest way is by praising yourself. I'm good, I'm worthy, I matter, I'm significant. I was put on this planet for a reason. I have something to offer the world. And of course, as you so rightly said, when you began to recognize your own value and say, hey, I'm a worthy person, I deserve love, I deserve good respect for love, I deserve success. When you really recognize you are worth it. You begin to radiate that out. But no one else can do that for you. You have to do it yourself. And one of the best things you can do for yourself by far, is to wake up every day and to say these four things. I am significant. I matter. I'm lovable just the way I am, and I'm enough. You go, yeah, but I'm not lovable. I need to lose £30. It doesn't matter. You must say it. I matter. I'm significant, I'm enough, and I'm lovable. Repeat those over and over again. Because first of all, the mind learns by repetition. Certainly the mind doesn't really care what you tell it. Whatever you tell it, it goes. You must be right. I'm a big loser. I'm an idiot. I've got rocks for brains. I look at a cake and I gain a pound. Well, you know, the mind doesn't differentiate. You can choose to be positive or negative, but what you can't choose is what you do to yourself when you say negative things like, I'm just an idiot. I'm just a big loser. So just start to say those four little statements of truth.

Hey there. If you really enjoyed that snippet, you're really going to love the full interview right here, so make sure you check it out.

So the source of the pain isn't the source of the problem. And so many people going to therapy come in with a presenting problem, but it's not the problem. I'm an alcoholic. No, your problem is you don't feel worthy enough.