Top 5 Relationship MYTHS

Relationships don't have to be hard. In fact, they can become powerful. But you got to avoid these five myths, so stay tuned.

When it comes to relationships, most people think they're supposed to be easy. Like somehow you basically stumble your way into a Disney movie where all of a sudden you find the one and you live happily ever after. But in reality, relationships can be tricky, difficult, hard to navigate, and even downright destructive if you let them get bad enough. So we want to prevent that. In order to do that, we've got to focus on five specific myths that I find that most of our audience continues to struggle with that continually having relationship problems. So the first myth that we got to look into is this one right here. I have to find the perfect mate. Consider this. Most every single successful relationship has imperfect people who've decided to build something beautiful together. You don't actually have a perfect person that you've stumbled into. You only see that really in the movies. And even then, if you're not careful in the rom coms, you'll notice that they always break up before they get back together and live happily ever after. That's a little bit more like reality. But when it comes down to it, there's no such thing as a perfect mate. What you want to do is you want to find someone who compliments you. In other words, their character, their way of being who they are. They actually complement who you are. Even backfill many of your blind spots in such a way that allows you to grow what you don't want. And what most people search for is someone like themselves or like their parents. That's not necessarily the best way forward. Now, I'm not saying you don't want to have common values and interests and things like that, but you do. But it's better for you to find someone who is actually imperfect but is actually great at the things that you're not great at. Maybe if you're a people person, maybe they're a little more cautious and they're a little more planny and analytical, so to speak. These types of things actually help you build quality in your relationship. Don't go on the lookout for the perfect mate. Right? Don't get lost in I have to find my person. Your person is going to be the person that you invest the most time, energy, and resource in. And that does the same thing back to you, right? It's called reciprocity. They are going to value you as much as you value them, and that's a good signal that you're well on your way to finding the right person that. That you're supposed to be with. But you might actually find several people along the way that are close. The trick is not to settle. Moving on.

If they change, it will get better. If they change, it will get better. I was working with a young lady not long ago who was in our offices and who were struggling in her relationships. Okay, I say relationship, relationship, not s. Relationship. They were struggling in her relationship. And as such, this actually came out of her mouth, which is why I had to draw it on the board. If they change. And actually she put the word he. If he changes, it will get better. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I find that the greatest tool and the greatest resource you can do in understanding relationships and bettering those relationships is to consistently better yourself, consistently be developing yourself. And if your partner comes along for the ride and they begin to do the same thing, fantastic. Okay, but. But in the meantime, it's not your job to change someone else and mold them into how you think they should be. All because they maybe have the look that you're looking for, but they don't have the character, the integrity, or the basically the personality, if you will, of what you're looking for. You see what I'm saying? There is a mix out there that is the personality, the look, the character, and the integrity that best benefit and complement who you are as a person. So why settle for the wrong thing? Right? Don't get lost in the situation where you think that if you change someone or if you change enough that basically things are going to get better again. You might think that if you change him or she changes you or whatever, you might think it's going to be right, but you're wrong. You're wrong in the semblance that you cannot create a perfect person, otherwise that would make you the creator and. And you're not the creator. Instead, again, find the person who best compliments you in such a way that you both have mutual value, mutual respect. You can communicate, you can compromise, and you can develop successful behavior with shared interest, but also different interests that allows you to grow. Don't be on the lookout for this quote, unquote perfect person. They don't exist. Dig deeper in yourself and actually uncover the kind of things that you want to have in an actual mate. Put them on paper. Put them on paper. Stop going in the willy nilly and getting lost in the drama. Right? You're not going to live out a Netflix rom com. You're just not. Life is not built that way. Your soulmate Your person is going to be the person that you build camaraderie with and connection with. That's the right way to do it. Not to try to perfect someone who's imperfectible. Hello? Wake up. All right, moving on. Number three. This one has to do with more. You're trying to become the right person to attract a specific person. You are becoming inauthentic. You are acting as if something that you're not, that is never going to lead you to a healthy relationship. And you got to stop it. You people pleasers. I love you to death. I was one myself, I can tell you that. I chased. I chased so many people that I thought were the one simply because I thought they were the one. Not realizing that I would one day meet the woman of my dreams, the love of my life. When I learned not to settle, when I learned to be me. Authentic. The driver, the hard charger, the guy who's not great with details, the guy who forgets stuff every now and again because he's got so much wrapped up in his head. That's what I became. I became authentic. And I quit looking for people who are not going to value that or be compatible with that. My wife is almost a counterbalance to who I am as a person. She is beautiful in a variety of ways, in her own way. That's what you want. You want connection. You want camaraderie, you want commitment. You don't want to be chasing the wrong thing.

I actually got a tattoo when I was about 22 years old because of a girl. Thank God I later covered it up with a better one. But hey, stop trying to be the thing that you're not. If you're not a quote unquote bad boy or bad girl, don't try to be one. Be yourself, right? Don't chase after things that aren't who you are. Find the common interest, find the shared values, find the shared goals and develop a real rapport and a real connection to someone who's really compatible with you. All right, again, compatibility is not all shared interest. Compatibility is some shared interest and other interests that help you grow. That's how you get moving. All right, moving back on number four. True love is always magical. It's so precious.

Guys, I'm not saying they're not magical moments in a relationship, but the entirety of a relationship is not magical. The woman of my dreams that you just heard me talk about is the same woman from time to time who frustrates me, alright? At the same time, I'm the same man that she Was dreamy eye with, especially in the very onset that gets on her nerves. Now the difference is that we have a foundation. We have something to look forward to. We have goals and mutual things that we're chasing after. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you? It's so important that you understand that these are myths that you cannot no longer put your value or identity into your efforts in. Right. A magical relationship is built with intimacy, which only happens over time. My wife and I, from time to time can actually finish each other's sentences. But we spend a lot of time learning each other, right? Learning what our behaviors are, learning what our wants are, learning what our thoughts are, our needs are. I know the things that we disagree on and whether or not I want to dive in with both feet and have a massive disagreement with for no reason. We focus on the things that bring us closer together. At least we try to. We're not perfect. Again, I'm not telling you that I have the perfect relationship. I do think I have the most fantastic spouse because we did the hard work first and we erased all these stinking myths that both of us were chasing down at different times in our life. And you can do the same. Last one. This is an important one. I see this a lot. I'm worthless because I'm single.

I'm worthless because I'm single. Let me tell you something. Some of the most transformational moments in my life, I thought I wanted a relationship. I thought that I needed a relationship to make me whole, to make me value. Because my friends had the relationship. They were getting married, they were having kids, they were traveling, they were doing all this different stuff. Meanwhile, I'm like, well, my life is falling apart. There must be something wrong with me that I can't find the person that I love and the one that loves me back.

Do you understand that a quality relationship takes time and is worth waiting for? Instead, you see people rushing into marriage, rushing into deep relationship, rushing into building families long before they understand who the other person is, what they're really bringing to the table, Hurt, baggage and all. You have to get to the place where it's safe for you to be single. I can. In fact. A quick story, quick story. Perfect example. Before I met my wife, I was in a long term relationship for almost nine months. And the first six months of that relationship were like, oh, wow, she's amazing. Right? She's amazing. She was attractive to me. We laughed, we cut up, we did all these funny things. And then the last three months was like, what the heck is going on. Deception started rising. Weird text at weird hours of the night, all of a sudden not returning phone calls when promised, all of a sudden not doing this. It was just weird. And I'll never forget this as that relationship kind of fell apart after I thought it was going to be the one, the one I almost settled for. Because right before you meet the mate of your life, you are going to have a counterfeit right before it. I can promise you that. It was my grandfather who passed away a few years ago who basically told me to basically set everything dating down for 40 straight days. 40 straight days. It's something he referred to as the 40 day walk of faith or the 40 day fast. See, a fast is nothing more than staying away from something, intentionally laying something down that you desperately want. And what I wanted in that moment was I wanted a family. I wanted to get started, I wanted to have kids, I wanted to actually have the woman of my dreams and all this kind of stuff, right? We all want those types of things. We all want to have that type of connection. The problem is we keep trying to make people into that perfection. We keep trying to make other people basically fit that mold that we made. We're like tucking their arms and their legs into this mold, if you will. Even though they don't fit, you can't do that. This 40 day walk of faith, I committed with my grandfather to spend time with him instead and sit down with him day after day. First of all, a beautiful thing happened. I got to know my grandfather at an even deeper level. I got to spend time with him and hang out with him and learn a lot of really cool stuff. The second part happened was when I initially laid down the dating life for a while, I learned that there was a lot of things inside of me that I needed to work on. A lot of things that I even wanted to work on that were going to make me more valuable, so to speak. Not valuable to other people, but valuable to myself. You see, when you spend all your time chasing people who shouldn't be chased after, you end up devaluing yourself and losing your self confidence over time because you're setting your bar so low that your settling is changing. Right? Settling is dangerous. This 40 day walk of faith, so to speak, where I set everything down. No dating. NoMatch.com. what is it? No, plenty of fish or whatever the heck the stupid websites are nowadays. None of that stuff turned it all off.

I spent 40 days working on me, learning, reading books, listening to podcasts, spending time with my grandfather, and here's what happened. I kid you not, this is part of my love story. On day 40, I go to my grandfather's mobile home that he lived in at the time. I sit down with him. This is what he says. He said, stephen, you know what day it is, right? I'm like.

Tuesday? He's like, no, no, no, no. Today's day 41. I want you to go turn that thing back on, on the computer. You go turn that thing back on. That thing that, you know, you know, people are, they don't know about technology, right? That, that thing that makes the beeping sound when people want to talk to you. That thing, what was it? The, what you call it? Dot com, the plus or minus. I said, you mean match?

He was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you can turn that back on.

I asked a young lady for coffee. After I was back together, I was more whole and ready. I'd worked on myself, I'd grown myself, and lo and behold, this beautiful brunette, dark, dark hair with, with green eyes said, let's grab coffee. We then had a quick follow up phone call the next night that basically just to kind of get to know each other and find out, you know, is coffee really worth it? Or whatever you know, is whatever. You know what I'm saying? You know the type where you're testing the orders a little bit.

Sure enough, we found the more that we talked. 30 minutes went by, 40 minutes went by, an hour went by, almost three hours went by talking to this young lady, almost three hours. And we agreed to immediately meet. Immediately meet for what was going to be coffee that turned into a late night dinner and a late night sushi at a late night sushi bar where we had sushi and wine. And if you haven't seen some of the other videos I've done on relationships, I'll tell a little bit more about the story. But she challenged me in a healthy way and I responded in a healthy way. And that was the love start or the kickstart of our love story. Six months later, I married that woman. And I've never looked back. And she has never let me down, at least not intentionally. And I've done my best not to let her down. Here's what I'm trying to get at with this. When it comes down to finding the right one, you have to become the right one first. I don't mean you're trying to force yourself into becoming something that you're not. I'm meaning trying to amplify what the best of you already is. And as A result, as a result, you, you get the byproduct of self confidence, healthy boundaries and a quality relationship in the end. So moral of the story is, do not settle, do not settle for any of these myths. They're all lies. I've tried them all. I've tried to live by all of these at one time or another. None of these, none of these ever brought me what I wanted. It wasn't until I actually spent the time to work on myself, understand what I really wanted, clearly articulate who I wanted to become, that I began to see the connection points of what compatibility really could be. And as a result, the list that I made where the other girl was like 70% of my list, including some really weird stuff like maybe loyalty, she didn't do so well on that. My wife, on the other hand, was 110% of my list. Now she was 110% of my list. That doesn't make her perfect. Okay? She was 110% of the list that I thought that I wanted and the other 10% that I didn't know I needed. You can find that too with patience with work and actually not learning to settle. Never, never settle with this particular decision. I'm not saying you shouldn't date. I'm not saying you shouldn't hang out. I'm not saying you shouldn't get to know people, because that's part of the process. Each relationship teaches you a different thing about who you are and who they are and what a relationship looks like. What you don't want to do is model it after TV or parents or whatever you want it to be a complementary, right interaction. So it takes time and if you don't settle, you actually win. Alright? I hope you enjoyed that. I gave you my heart, I gave you my real life experience. I gave you what worked for me. I know it will work for you if you'll put in the work. So make sure you do that. In the meantime, I want to give you a gift. Do me a favor, check out this free resource right here called the seven relationships you must have the one at Life. And before we finish up, do me a favor, hit that subscribe button, pretty please. I actually want to stay connected with you and I want to keep giving you content that you can find valuable so you can get your own life transformation. I'll see you again. Take care of.