This YouTube Q&A (Stephen Scoggins, Apr 13, 2020) covers personal development strategies: reframing failure as learning ('learn or I win'), cultivating patience and rewarding effort to reduce dissatisfaction, approaches to finding mentors (build authentic relationships, offer value; use podcasts/YouTube/masterminds), and using a four-ring 'bullseye' model to prioritize relationships and limit toxic contacts.
Chapters
How do I turn my failures into success.
Again? Keep going. Right. The way in which you look at failure or the way in which you see your identity as it relates to failure will directly refer to itself and keep you from either becoming failure or becoming learning. So the way I look at it is there's no such thing as failure, there's only learning. Right? I either learn or I win. Learn or I win. Learn or I win. Now keep in mind I struggled with failure for a huge chunk of my life because I used to identify my personal identity with every time I got it wrong. What I didn't realize at the time is every time I got it wrong, I was learning another piece of the pie if you will, to keep me moving forward without me making the same repetitive mistakes. So if you make a mistake, see what you can learn from it and then use that to make a better decision. It's that simple. No more, no less mistake to sit learning, mistake, learning, decision, mistake, learning, decision, mistake, learning, decision. Because every decision, every better decision you make will obviously give you a better action to take and will also increase your aptitude of high quality results. So make sure you take the time to make great decisions. Don't self identify with failure. You are not a failure. What you are is someone who's constantly learning. And as you constantly learn, you'll constantly win.
Why do I feel dissatisfied even when I see positive results? Alright, here's the secret to that. The whole thing. You're not being patient. You're not being patient. You're so focused on the destination that you're actually not enjoying the little reward of the stuff you've been doing well. Right? And if you go back to some of our content versus rigid mindset versus expansive mindset, rigid minded people are far less likely to become truly successful. Where expansive minded people, thinkers if you will, are higher likelihood, have a higher likelihood of earning more, being more confident and getting more done with productivity. The reason is, is because they reward themselves for the effort and not just for the outcome, right? Don't look at each piece of your effort, pie if you will, right. Each of the steps you're trying to get along the way. Don't look at those simply as a way to just get to the end. Instead, enjoy the process. Jot down what you're learning. Jot down the information about the people you're meeting and the mentors you're achieving and how you got there. Right? If you skip past the how you got there, you'll never be able to go back and help the person you Used to be to help them get to the same place you're now at. So focus on the effort, reward yourself with the effort, and all the good things will come.
How can I successfully reach out to others for mentorship? Now, here's something you actually kind of need to be a little bit careful with. If you don't have a relationship with the person you want to mentor you, then what I suggest step one should always be, is do your best to develop an actual real friendship run. One that's not dependent on whether or not you're learning that piece of information. The reason is, is because people that are highly productive and have a lot of skill sets oftentimes hire very busy people. In other words, they've learned how to use their time management wisely and seldom have a lot of opening blocks. Okay? And if you're just focused on getting a mentor, you just walk up to them and say, hey, will you be my mentor? There's a high likelihood they'll have to turn you down simply to kind of keep up their schedule versus if you're building an actual friendship and a relationship like my. A lot of the people that I trained us do, I should say, what happens is we build a relationship and a friendship and the mentorship questions about how to improve their life, their business or their career come up naturally, organically, which makes it a whole lot more easy to learn and also makes me as a person, as someone who does mentor a lot of people, makes me a whole lot more comfortable and a lot more wanting to give. Okay, the second thing is, is you can also make sure that you're not focused necessarily on building a specific mentorship relationship with a specific person. There are a lot of different ways to actually get mentorship in your pipeline as we speak. You got YouTube, you got podcasts, right? You've got mastermind groups, you've got coaching programs, you've got the Journey principles institute, all the free E resources that we have here. Alright? All of those things are ways to get mentorship to increase your knowledge, increase your wisdom, and increase the likelihood of you making awesome action. Okay? But if you are going to lean towards a mentor, meaning a person, step one is always to build a real authentic relationship where you're not asking for anything. In fact, you may be actually saying, hey, how can I serve you and offer you value. All right? That creates a spirit of reciprocity. That spirit of reciprocity makes the mentor want to give back to you some, in some cases, the best parts of them. All right? So if you want to Mentor, build a relationship, all right? And then make sure that if, that if that person's not available, you also utilize things like YouTube and podcasts and things of that nature. Again, we have a ton of free resources here at the Journey Principles Institute because we want to help you win at your life and make life mastery actually simple for you to apply. Okay. So that's how I would personally deal with developing a new relationship with a new mentor.
Okay. How do I remove people from my life that do not align with my principles? Okay, well, first of all, the first thing I would do is make sure that the principles that you have are really the best principles you need to be living by. Okay? So if the people that you're trying to align yourself with are honest people and you're not honest, maybe you need to lean their direction. Okay. Conversely, if you're hanging around a bunch of dishonest people, you will become your friends and you will become your future. So the old topic is show me your five friends and I'll show you your future. So how do you avoid basically what I would deem as toxic relationships? Okay, well, step one is to draw a bullseye of a circle with four concentric rings. So just like a target, if you will, off a dartboard, alright? The center circle, right, is your inner circle. Okay? Your inner circle has to be your most empowering, educational and mentorship like circle. That is where the people that you, that you're hanging out with the most often are the same people who are on a similar direction or who are already further along than you are on the journey that you want to go on. Does that make sense? Right. So that your center circle is the most important circle, okay? The ring outside of that is more of your friendship circle. Okay? This, these are people you probably spend about 50 to 60% of your time with currently. Right? If that is a good shape, then what? You can keep them in that, that same pie and just keep hanging out with them. Okay? The third circle is going to be people that I would consider acquaintances. The 4 circle is going to be people that I would consider probably toxic or dangerous or just overall taking more value. Okay? The less amount of value someone can actually add to my life, the less amount of time I spend with them. So I have to, I have people in my, even in my own family that might be, have or show signs a little bit of toxicity, so to speak. Same thing with friends. Same thing with even people that contact us, okay? They just haven't. They're just not as far along on their journey. Just Yet I don't write them off. But what I do do is I do take the time to make sure that I'm not putting the bulk of my time with them. So my toxic circle might get about 10% of my time, right? Because I want to make sure that I'm constantly feeding myself. Okay? The inner circle before that, the acquaintances I might spend about 30% of my time. The friendship circle I mentioned earlier might be 50% of my time. And then the center circle that I've already mentioned, which are high quality, high character, high value, high empowering, high teaching, high mentorship people, okay? They get the bulk of my time at roughly 80 to 90%. Okay? Because I like to use that bullseye to help me determine if someone needs to get further close or closer to my circle or further away from my circle. And I see it as a fluid action, right? I see it as, hey, look, person's trustworthy and they're doing that for a year and all of a sudden they fall off the wheels and all of a sudden they start breaking their promises, start not, not able to be where they're supposed to be, not being committed, things of that nature. I'll go ahead and push them out to the friend circle and then so on and so forth if things continue to get worse, okay? Does that make sense? Use the bullseye to determine which, which people need to be in your inner circle. And then keep moving people in and out based on their ability to help you win. Okay? Not like they're not. When I say win, I mean add value to your life, right? They shouldn't be negative. They should, they should believe in you. They shouldn't talk negatively about you, things of that nature. That's the technique that I personally use to make sure that I've got the closest knit friends possible to develop high value relationships and, and keep us from getting stuck in that area.
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