Unsure of Your Purpose? Start Here | Darryll Stinson

I was selling drugs all throughout the state of Michigan at one point to cover the cost of my healthcare expenses so I could keep this dream, being a professional athlete alive. I have this external success. I'm a top 100 athlete, but I'm internally failing. I'm misaligned from my purpose. That's all they see. They don't see that I'm selling drugs, that I'm crying myself to sleep, that I'm. Man, I don't even want to bring myself there. I could not stand what I saw in the mirror. Some people, you don't know where their lives are headed after you give them your. You have supplies. One of the saddest things.

That I've seen in my life is to watch a child that has so much light.

And because of their environment and that.

Situation that they're in, watch that light.

Damn. But what I know is this. There's still a flicker in there. And all it takes is a person like you, a podcast like this, to go.

Thanks, bro.

Hey, guys. Welcome back to Build, where we help leaders rise, lead, and last. Dude, I'm telling you what. You know, one of the things that I've been, like, adamant about the last six months is bringing on authentic voices. Not voices who are so focused on chasing themselves and, like, performing and, like, just being on, you know, kind of like being on stage for the sake of being on stage, but rather guides that find themselves on stage, write works of art, actually want to pour into you, want to grow with you, and want to build with you. And today is no different. I want to introduce you guys to just an amazing human being, Daryl Stinson. Dude, what's going on, man?

Dude, I'm.

Have a good time. We're gonna have a great time. Special shout out to Tamara and Rory and Brian and all those guys for connecting.

Oh, for sure. Oh, man, so much. You know, I, I. There's a.

Gathering, partnering, happening at a new level in this era. I think, you know, the people that are guiding others into truth are, you know, starting to see that that circle's getting smaller, you know, and. And because of that, people are working closer together. Yeah. In a tighter circle. Yes. And so I love it. It's shrinking the world and reminds me of clubhouse.

I remember a Clubhouse days.

Yeah, totally.

I was around during COVID but Club.

I loved it in its beginnings because it shrunk the world and all. Like, I, I could be in, talk to Grant Cardone on the panel, and I didn't have to pay 100 grand and be in Florida for three days. You know what I mean? And it just shrunk the world.

And I feel like that's happening now because of the urgency, because of the seriousness of the times that we live in. And so you said something about authentic voices. I think. Yeah. There's a call for authentic leadership.

Yeah.

Because there's a call for people to live out their unique, divine identity in this world. And I don't know if you experience this person. I know you're. You're kind of digging into me, but what I've noticed is that there's less margin for error and that these days than even two years ago.

Well, one character flaw can be showcased really, really quickly. It can really, really quickly. It can be caught on camera in a split second. Yeah, it's. And the crazy part is, is a lot of time your character flaws are when you're tired, you're empty, or you're self abandoning.

Totally.

You know, Totally. One of the things I want to jump straight into because. And we can. Obviously, I'd love for. I know there's been a lot of content on your backstory, where you've been, where you come from, so I definitely want to touch on that. But I'd like to interweave it.

Yeah.

With some core concepts based on what we're already talking about.

Yeah.

And the reason I want to do, I'm finding just as we kind of discovered our new path. Right. We help leaders rise, lead, and last. You know, the. The book I got coming out later next year, one part line and one part lamb, is all about that. Right.

So.

And to me, in order to do that, you have to become fully integrated in maturity.

Right.

But in order to do that, you have to go through crucible moments, life, gates, shadow, dealing with shadow, dealing with self. Like really kind of facing kind of the. The storm. Which is why most people, unfortunately, at this time, and I actually think this is changing. Thank God. Refuse to awaken to their greatest potential.

Yes.

Right. They're. They're. They're their truest identity. So I think the first thing I want to kind of lean into is one. How did you discover? Because you're all. You're about as authentic as they come, which is why I love it, man. I love you. Today is like, how did you discover your authentic identity? I know, but I want the audience to know the crucible moments that you had to face in order to get to the other side and get to that Promise.

No, totally. I discovered it by running so far away from it that.

Scared me that I couldn't find my authentic voice anymore.

Yeah.

You know, I. I grew up and I knew who I was. I was bright, I was brilliant. I got saved when I was nine.

Me too.

Did you really?

Yeah. The first time?

Yeah. At nine. Yeah. Really?

Yeah.

Look at that.

Yeah. We'll talk about that later.

I know, right?

And so I was on this path.

I knew who I was, but then the world didn't respond in ways that were favorable to that. I was cheese. I was called Bible thumper. I was told I was gay. Like, there was all these things that were happening that was just ruining, like, causing me to question my authentic voice, my authentic identity. So I changed everything about myself to fit in with other people. The music I listened to, the way that I dressed, the way that I laughed, you know, the things that I spent my time doing. I was an all A student. And you know, within a two year time frame, from the fifth to the seventh grade, I went from an all A student with perfect attendance to being like, skipping school, get almost expelled from public school systems, you know, selling drugs, running the streets, living completely out of character. And it's one thing to just be like, oh, were you a man and.

You were running the streets, But I.

Was, I was not just a man. I was also a creative man. And so to be a creative man.

In the streets was not going to get you popularity, it was going to get you picked on.

Yeah.

And so, oh, man, I just ran away from that.

And it's a time lapse, the story and you're happy to dig anywhere you want. But the turnaround moment came in a psychiatric unit. You know, God sent two people to witness to me about Christ. I put my faith in Christ in a psychiatric unit.

And it was a surrender moment to my calling, to my voice. I say it this way, that up until that point, although I was running from myself, God was always whispering in my ear. And so I would be at the club.

It's coming to my head. It's actually DMX party up in here.

That's older now, you know, Like, I listen to that. Y' all gonna make me listen to my mind up there. Yeah, up right? And the whole time. Yeah, right. Holy Spirit's like, do it.

Yeah, I did the same thing.

This is not you. Yeah.

You'Ll get a kick out of this. I was selling drugs all throughout the state of Michigan at one point to cover the cost of my health care expenses, to numb the pain and get illegal medical procedures done on my back so I could keep this dream. Being a professional athlete Alive. And I had a lot of marijuana, a lot of Adderall, a lot of other smaller types of drugs that I was selling. And I would give away all the surplus of drugs and give away all the money because the Holy Spirit was just.

No.

No.

And there was one moment I remember there was. The guy that was supplying me was a part of a mafia, and he wanted to confront me 10 pounds of marijuana and, and just come pick up the profits in a week. And I was this close to saying, yeah, because I was like, you bought the.

It's like, it's like in business. Somebody said, I'm about to just drop, you know, a million in your lap and just let you go. Profit, you know? And I was like, yes.

The Holy Spirit was like, if you do that, he ain't coming back.

And this was before I even fully surrendered.

Dude, I want to.

I want to lean into that, just that moment for a minute. It's funny, as you were talking, I jotted down two notes, Right. You mentioned the word surrender, and then you also mentioned the word suppression.

Yeah.

As long as you're suppressing, you can't surrender. So how do you bridge the gap, you know, if you're, if you're, if you're late? Look, we have. We have people watching the show who, many of them are the entrepreneurs. They're. They are. They've already done pretty well, I would say. They've. You know, one of the things that we try to help them with is as they make money, we help them refine their meaning. Because at least for me, as I started making money, I lost meaning along the way. But there's also the other piece of people who think they have to hustle their way. And when I say hustle, I mean do whatever it takes to side hustle. And, and kind of what you were describing. So.

To the point of truth, which is surrender.

Right.

If the polar opposite, the pendulum swing, is suppression.

How do you. How do you go from suppression to surrender?

It's either by force or flow every time you know it. You know, they say pain pushes to the vision pools. And so it's either you gotta choose it just because you're like, you just, you know, prodigal son, you come to your senses, or it just gets so bad, it gets so painful. You get so sick of being an inner or external turmoil that you finally just then cooperate with. Yeah, With. With the surrender.

Yeah.

Right. And it's usually in the area that you are avoiding that you don't want to look at that Somebody can't Speak into your life about, you know, and oftentimes it's the places that we, we don't want to, you know, it's family.

Yeah.

And how we're showing up with our kids. It's how we're treating other people. It.

Quality by which we're living our life. And, and I think people don't want to be confronted by those areas of their life. They just want you to see the success and, and, and allow the areas that they're suppressing in their life to go unnoticed.

You know, it's, it's so interesting you say that because I'm weird in that maybe I'm not weird. Maybe I'm. You and I are probably in this weird category, if we want to call it weird.

I believe that every human being on the planet has a.

A purpose.

Yes.

That is on the other side of whatever their habitual pain is.

Right.

So for me, it was overcoming limiting beliefs, self worth issues. I mean, I even told Rory last time I was, we were, we were, I was in Nashville. I was like, dude, the first time I ever realized that I was chasing my worth. Am I worthy of a voice? Was actually on your podcast, you know, four and a half years ago during COVID Right. And then once I had that awareness, I started really leaning into pain and purpose. Right. So I guess where I'm going with this is.

I'm curious to hear your thoughts on.

Awakening to that purpose. Because, you know, you had, I believe that you have to face a shadow side of self. I don't think you and I think, I think what we do is the shadow side of self as we try to push the shadow self inside as far away as we possibly can. I had a good buddy of mine, Henry Marr, that said, no, dude, you love that side of yourself. Love that side of yourself and integrate that side of yourself and just watch that part of yourself that you're scared of, that you're fearful of, that you, quote, unquote, want to push away and don't love. Like, you'll absorb it in such a way and once it's wrapped in love, it transforms itself totally. Right. So maybe help me understand because obviously you're, you've written some amazing, amazing books and everybody's got to pick them up, right? Put them in the, in the show notes for sure.

Yeah.

You had a major TEDx talk that you did that with just straight, organic views, went viral. Right. So there's, there's definitely resonance in your voice. But you, I, I, I'd say it like this. You Almost traded that calling for a bowl of soup like Esau did in the Bible.

Totally, man.

Well, you said a lot there.

What, do you want me to dig in first?

Your. Your call, your heart, man. I just want people to. I want people to know you, man.

Yeah, well, I would say this stillness. Part of what you asked is, you know, how did you surrender to that path? How did you find that plant? We talk about stillness, okay? In the heat of that suppression, in the heat of that, I have this external success. I'm a top 100 athlete, but I'm internally failing. I'm misaligned from my purpose, and no one sees it. All they see is you're playing with Antonio Brown, Eric Fisher, who's the number one draft pick. You're at a max school, and y' all are 23rd in the nation. Like, that's all they see. They don't see that I'm selling drugs, that I'm crying myself to sleep, that I'm addicted to opioids. And. And I. You talked about the shadow self. I could not stand, man. I don't even want to bring myself there. I could not stand what I saw in the mirror because I knew how many times I compromised. I knew. I knew that I was selling drugs to people that. You know, some people, you don't know where their lives are headed after you give them supplies.

Yeah.

And so part of how I came home to self was through stillness and through stillness and through mirror work.

Okay?

So stillness. I had to get comfortable with being alone. One of the reasons why I was afraid of it is because the moment that I got still, I could hear every thought coming through my mind. All the guilt, all the shame, all. I was confronted by all of my choices, by all of my psychology. And then I heard the. The. I didn't know it then, but the whispers of the enemy saying you're not enough. Saying you should just end it, saying, nobody loves you for you. They just love you for what they can get from you. And I had to sit there and be still. Scripture says, be still and know that I am God. I think sometimes we think about that when we're waiting for manifestation of promises. But what about being still until you experience God?

Yeah.

Until you know that you are with God.

Yeah. Because if you're still long enough, what happens to those voices is you start to realize those thoughts. And those voices are fleeting. They're not your divine identity. They are thoughts that you're attaching to. And so if you just let them come and pass, you'll Start to realize. Hold on a second. If I can look at the thought. I am not the thought.

Yeah.

I can look at you. I am not you.

Yeah.

So there's a separation between thought and me. Yeah. That I don't have to think. Hey, because you don't feel like you're enough. You are.

Hey, because you want to commit suicide, you should. No, no, no, no.

That's a thought. I can choose differently. And in that stillness, God starts to fill that vacuum with love and presence. And so, man, it started with, like, how long can I be still? Can I be still for? I ain't gonna lie to you, bro. 30 seconds, dude.

I was.

Yeah, it's. I think. I think you're tapping into something that is.

Not talked about as much as I feel like it should be. It's not even taught as much as I should be. I felt like it should.

We're going to jump into this later on today, but one of the things that I'm aware of with the stillness practice specifically comes all the way back. So I have this document that I wrote tail end of last year. I caught the. I caught the blue. The blue Note document. So I had an episode in my life that unexpectedly happened. And this is after, supposedly, I have everything in the world, right? And so I pour my hat on, pour my heart out on paper to God, and with a computer, I get to the bottom of the document and I changed the font color blue. And I say, if there's anything that you have to share with me, please share it now. Dude, I could not stop writing fast enough. And I may show this after the show just to show you kind of like it is about. But it's clear. There's two different, very clear, two distinct voices talking in the written word, but in the blue words.

One of the things that God said is, I am always talking, but few listen or seldom are they listening.

I agree with that.

And I feel like part of that is because if we. I love contrast, right? So I like. I like, like, I love. I love your story because of the transformation. In contrast to transformation, you have point A to point Z, right? Contrast, right.

On the surface, right? You're. You're being all things to all people as a professional athlete, right? So you have one. One set of people looking at you like, that's who I want to be when I grow up, right. On another side of things, you're like other people you're actually selling drugs to, right? And they're like, he's my supplier. He's like, you see what I'm saying, and what I've. What I've discovered is, is one of the things that prevents us from stillness or even seeking that pursuit is the fact that we're always chasing this. Yes, we're chasing the accolades, we're chasing notability, we're chasing. And to me, that's become a telltale sign. In fact, I was telling Rory this last time I was here that that's a telltale sign that I'm off track.

Yeah, when you're.

But I'm. I'm being inauthentic, right, because it's all striving and chasing. So when it comes to practicing the stillness thing, like, you know, we talk about just a brief 20 seconds, 30 seconds, 15 seconds, whatever that is. Like.

Actually, before I do that, first of all, will you mind closing your eyes for just a quick second?

Yeah, totally.

All right, I want you to envision just, just super briefly, anyone and everyone that you sold drugs to. Super briefly.

Just super briefly. You don't have to stay there. All right? In Jesus name, I break that. I pray that these people have amazing lives moving forward. And everything that is withstand from this podcast and everything moving forward becomes the edification of their lives and they find their destiny right in Jesus name. And I release this completely off of Daryl, off of all those people and move forward in Jesus name.

Wow. Wow.

That's a gift from him to you. He's proud of you, bro. Super proud of you.

So let's help people get the stillness. Let's help them find their identity.

So talk to me about stillness, identity, character quality.

Well, if you're watching, it's happening right now. One of the reasons why people struggle with stillness is because they struggle with receiving, you know, so receiving requires you to be still. So in this moment, many people will rush by it. I'm. I'm receiving it. I'm soaking in it. I'm. The stillness is allowing it to soak in.

So if somebody wanted to apply right now, they could set a 60 second timer and they could go, let me just reflect on anything good that has tried to come into my life. This is the power of gratitude, practice. Let me just reflect on it and I'll write it down, reflect on it, and just take a moment to experience in my energy what that feels like. Oh, man. Somebody opened the door for me. Oh, man. Yeah, sit with that. Yeah. Oh, man. Somebody sent me a text message actually. Oh, you know what? Somebody actually commented on one of my Facebook posts and they said, man, great job. Keep going and sit with that. Oh, Man. Actually, every day I've got a wife who says that they love me, and I say I love them back, but I don't actually sit with it and experience the feelings of what it feels like to be loved.

Dude, you just tapped into something right there.

Yeah.

How many people will say I love you to someone and don't. Like, they give it, but they don't let themselves receive it.

We. We. We've forgotten the power of words. We, we, we. I think it is we dishonor words so bad that we just throw them out there. We cast pearls of swine every day.

I wanted to sit with that for just a second. I think.

I think the world is shifting.

It is.

And it's. What's ironic is as divisive as certain aspects of the world are.

It seems like those who are getting into stillness and authenticity and.

I would say their divine identity. Right.

Oh, really.

Are starting to become the bridge builders. Right. And they're not doing it through what I would say the world is using, which is. What is it the argument says? The facts don't care about your feelings. Not Right. So, you know, so they. But everybody that I heard this term one time, that every man is right in their own eyes. Right. So wisdom comes from balancing perspective. Right. But you can't balance perspective until you're connected to the divine source in such a way that allows you to look at it from different angles.

Totally.

So I guess one of the things I want to lean into is because I think one of the greatest journeys of life is actually figuring out what. And this is something I'm still working through. Like, we talked about Workshop in real time. Like, authenticity is like, what is my authentic self.

Right. And I. I put this on social media recently. It was like, I realized that performance, like, early days. Like, I. So I chase my worth. I'm sorry. I chased my voice. I found my voice. I chased my worth. I found my worth. I chased loving myself. I found loving myself. And now I found. Now I feel like I'm finally finding authenticity. Right. So there's. To me, it's a process. And the reason I like to showcase it's a process is because I feel like.

People need to it. People need to know it's okay to be where they are.

Yeah. So somebody's gonna steal this idea, but it's just how my mind works. Okay. I want to film a commercial. I told this to my wife. She thought it was lame.

I don't find it on the podcast.

Hey, we're just doing.

Anyway, my wife's gonna be like, you should. I told you not to go with that.

But it's a funny commercial in my head. Okay. The commercial is this. You're at the farmer's market, and you're going table to table. You're buying tomatoes and peas and carrots in your way when you're talking to people, and you come to this booth, and there's this girl or this guy just sitting here with this signs, and it says human on it. And you're like, cool. Where's the tomatoes? Where's the.

You know, there's the corn?

And it's like, humanity. Yeah, dude. People are selling humanity right now.

There's this. I can't. Every. I feel like every other post I see is like. The theme is like, human. I'm on a. I'm on the world's first human connection specific bureau.

There you go.

It's like. And I'm like, imagine going to the zoo and seeing the giraffe hosting the here's how to be a Giraffe seminar.

Yeah.

It's like we've forgotten how to be.

Yeah.

Authenticity is not something you find in my opinion.

It's something you feel.

Let me back it up with scripture, Jeremiah. Everybody knows this.

As a Christian, they quote it. He knew me before he formed me, and he ordained me to be a prophet unto the nation. Okay. I knew you before I formed you, Jeremiah, and I ordained you to be a prophet unto the nation. So we see that God knows us before he forms us.

Don't make me preach on the podcast.

I'll sit over here in silence and just take notes.

He knew us before. Now this is. I have to say, this is my belief.

Yeah. Okay.

As above, so below.

Okay.

Our internal world is a mirror to the external. Okay. You with me so far?

Yep.

Our physical body has a fingerprint. And no matter how many billions and zillions of people there have been, there's never been another person with our fingerprint. It is the external, I believe, the internal. We have a soul print that. That God goes, I knew you before I formed you. I knew your soul print, and then I formed it. I sketched it like we do. We know what we want to create. We sketch it, and then we create it. He knew us. He wrote it on us, and he sent us into the world.

I believe it all.

We already came hardwired, hard coded with.

Our purpose on the inside. And all we have to do is feel what's authentically on my heart.

Is it just to feel it or also to express it?

To Me.

Clarity comes from expression.

Okay.

Okay. So feeling in the back room in a vacuum is not the. Is the starting place.

It's not the finishing line.

You have to feel it first, and then you start to connect.

Oh, what's in there? What's always been in my heart?

What do I like? What do I. I don't care what it is. Like, it can be a song.

It could be a feeling, movement.

It could be a documentary that pops.

In your mind that you should watch.

Then you go express it. You follow it. What's that? Why am I attracted to that?

Why is that coming up through my heart? Why is that what illuminated in my mind?

And then you start to allow the Holy Spirit to lead you into truth. And you'll notice, like, you know what? Actually, what I liked about that is not watching it. I like the fact that I noticed all the camera angles. Maybe I should go into videography. Like, you start to find your way to your authenticity, right? You start to find your way to your purpose if it's your voice. For me, personally, one of the things I had to break out of is the traditional ways that people that I watch. Communicators, open speeches. Okay. If it was in the church world, it was like, first giving glory and honor to God and, like, let me give honor to, like, 20 people.

You're going to take it. You have to think the pastors at.

The corner for having, oh, my God, all that. And then. Or in the business world, it was this, like, I want to thank everybody. It was like this list of, like, same checkbox. Just wasn't with the religious rhetoric. And I was used to just doing that. The problem is that I got ADHD really badly, and I don't know how else to be but deep. So that was pulling me into, like. And then my speech was kind of. Because I didn't really lead it how I wanted to lead it and started how I wanted to start it. Right. And so I had to break out of that. And it was one of the most scary things I did because I was like, I thought I was committing career suicide. I thought I wasn't going with the flow. I thought they were going to excommunicate me out the circle, even stand up and read Scripture. Like, I was like, I didn't want people to stand up because it messes it up when I have to tell them to sit down and I'm ready to flow.

Yeah.

And so for me, I just wanted to go in and start.

Straight from, no, no, no, Father, no, nice to meet you. No, Bio. No intro. That's just me personally. I was ready to go.

Yeah.

My TED Talk.

Yeah.

Rejection, straight to the point. When's the last time you remember feeling rejected?

Yeah.

Boom. I'm no play play. Right. And so how did I do that? I felt like.

I have this idea. Instead of opening with the scripture and being like, everybody, stand to your feet. I'll open with a story.

Sweat.

Full sweat.

Yeah.

Y'. All. Earlier this week, I was.

You're not standing for scripture right now.

No.

Earlier this week, I was sitting here.

And I was just wondering. I was talking to my wife, and we got in this big argument. Oh, my God.

He's talking about an argument with his wife. He's the pastor. I'm talking about the application of scripture to my life.

I'm the pastor.

Yeah.

That's what the world is calling for.

Because here's what we don't realize about.

The power of words. People will listen to what you say.

But you can only duplicate who you are. A word is a datto.

It's an energy.

It's a frequency.

That is only. The truth of. It only gets duplicated. It's like transference. We understand in ministry, like, you can only transfer who you are. Yeah. Okay.

I love my mom.

I honor my mom. I have a great relationship. My mom. My mom gave me the clothes off her back. She sacrificed for me. She didn't buy herself birthday presents. And she made sure I had AAU shoes. Like, even if I had to buy them from Kmart or from J's for the 2 for 79. I love my mother.

Yeah.

But when I was younger, my mother used to say to me all the time, daryl, you better not smoke weed there. You better not sell weed there. You better not get in marijuana there. You better do your school. But the problem was that she was waking and bacon and sleeping and bacon and day in the bacon. And so what do you think I did? Did I listen to her or do I replicate who she was?

Replicated. I replicated. Yeah.

And that happens time and time.

This is why I think this. You know, we started repositioning the podcast again. It's for complete authenticity. 1 leaders like yourself that are real.

That's fire, bro.

Right? And we did that because we're not chasing clicks. We're not chasing followers. We're not. We're. We're chasing reality. We're chasing transformation. Right? We're chasing the mechanisms in which rising, leading, and then lasting with authenticity propagates throughout the world. For as long as I'm left on this earth.

Yes.

Right.

Yes.

So when you're talking about replication. Yeah. It causes me to go back and think about why fathers need to become fathers and mothers need to become mothers and sons. Like. And. Because you cannot lead out past yourself. Right. You can't do that. So, like, I have this in the live event facility in Raleigh that we did Ed's thing at a long time ago and had even. Your wife said she was at one of the events, was really cool and got to be the space.

Yeah.

There's a. There's a. There's a giant poster on the. It's. It's the handicap ramp. But it's. It's also like it for the green room. But it's also how you get onto the stage behind the LED walls.

And.

And the sign says, be the one to inspire the many to become the one.

Right.

So we're talking generational rational breakage.

Yeah.

Generational shattering of expect false expectations, false worth, false identity, false authenticity. So why. This is just. This is more of a philosophical question. Why do we as humanity allow others to place our worth on us rather than find it?

Lack of fathering. Lack of fathering and voices. For me, the father's role is to shape identity. Like, I don't. Like, my wife knows. Like right now we're pregnant with our fifth. She's hearing our fit.

Yeah.

She has a relationship with our fifth. It's our fourth daughter, our fifth child. She has a relationship with our. I gotta call her name. Her name's Isla. She has a relationship with Isla that I just. I can't touch right now.

But this weird.

I know her. I know her. I know her. I tell things to my wife about Isla that my wife was like. Yeah, that feels right.

Feels like her in there.

You know, how the father. The problem is that we have fathers who are emotionally present. Excuse me. Physically present and emotionally absent. Okay. I gotta say that. Clean. We have fathers that are physically present but emotionally absent.

I'm just getting into that.

And therefore they do not speak identity into a depth of frequency of emotion that creates security within an individual.

Period.

Everybody needs to sit. Just sit with that for a minute.

I can tell you that. We'll talk about the father. Masculine energy so far. Let's in there for a second. One of the things that I discovered was if you're chasing worth and significance, you're going to do so largely in your profession and your occupation. The reason that stands out to me is because my oldest son came to me. This is after I'd done a lot of Business.

Unfortunately, going through a divorce. And he came to me and said two things. First, the first thing kind of made me laugh. He's like, you lasted longer than I thought you would, which is kind of funny. But then the second thing he actually said was, he said, if there's one thing you can improve upon as a father, he says, we. We thought you're great. Like, we. We love you. We know you love us. We know. He said, if you could learn to be more present when you're present. That one statement, gosh, it happened maybe five years ago, it transformed my entire life. Because you can't be present without presence. Right? So as we lean into that, I think one of the things that is important for fathers to understand is one of the lies that I feel like we. And I'd love to hear your thoughts on this as well, that we fall for is we like to think that if we provide well, we're leading well, or we are fathering well. And it's. Dude, it's a. It's a complete fabricated lie.

But law of exposure, okay? If you've never been exposed, the better you don't know better. You're blind.

This is true.

You're blind. I was blind. It wasn't until I was in a mentorship group that I even knew the language. I just said to you, I was in a mentorship group. I was mentoring other fatherless young men. My father was in my life, and I'm teaching them. And it was Brian Pruitt. He was a former all American athlete, Didn't go to the pros, got hurt, got a pinched nerve in his neck, started an organization called the Power of Dad. And he's teaching them, you know, these principles of manhood. Teach them how to tie a tie. Teach them how to be leaders. And he's talking about a whole man, and he's talking about physical presence, emotional presence, spiritual presence. And then it just. I'm mentoring these kids, being like, I need to go in the seat with them, because I had a father that was physically present but emotionally absent. And he.

And to his defense, had no clue. Yeah, his father was.

Yeah, absent.

He can only showcase what he experienced.

And so to me, I was not mad at him. I was grateful for him, because I'm like, how did you even become the father you are with the. With the tools you had? You know what I mean?

And so I think that's a lot of it. Like, most times when I see fathers who are not present, who struggle to be, you know, more holistic fathers, it's because their father was a worse version of them, you know, and they're just doing the best they, they, they can with what they know. And so I think one of the ways out of that is literally, they've got to be exposed to a different way of fathering. Because if I was not exposed to that, I don't know if I would have ever.

I thought I would have thought I was ripping it.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? I thought, I'm just doing the thing. I'm providing like my dad. I play with my kids. Yeah.

But I'm not having emotional conversation about their life.

I'm, you know, bros.

If they're not. All right, so here, now I'm gonna try not to go.

Come on.

Like, here's the thing. If you're not having that conversation, someone.

Else is someone else.

And if, and if you don't know who that someone else is.

Nine times out of 10, it's not a voice. You won't speak into their life.

Totally. Totally. And you gotta have trust with your children. Like, a lot of children don't trust their parents. They just don't.

Go ahead, keep it coming. Keep it coming, bro. This is why we're here.

A lot of, A lot of wives don't trust their husbands. A lot of husbands don't trust their wives.

That's true.

Yeah.

Like, I, Part of that is because we're not honest.

True, true.

I, I, I noticed that.

Every client that I serve has to have a really secure husband.

Because the level of emotion, no conversation that we're having, if they're not doing that in the home, it'll start to breed insecurity in the husband because they're talking about us to, in our group about all the things and then going home and talking about only the amount by which the husband can emotionally withstand.

And on the contrary, on the other.

Side, I'm being still in silent right now.

I know, I know.

That's why I love this Lion Land thing, by the way.

Thank you, bro. Then. And we'll talk more about that later. But essentially, I discovered. All right. So for a decade, I get interviewed on podcasts.

Yeah.

And everybody was. It's almost. I hate to see even admit this on air, but I can't help myself. I was getting sick of getting asked, well, how'd you go from homeless to nine figures? Deeper than that, bro. I'm more than that. And then, you know, my, my original answer was like, arrogance and surrender. I went, I became homeless for arrogance. And I got, I transferred my life because of surrender. And then I was like, no, I'm realizing more than anything else, I integrated the lion side of me and the lamb side of me. The masculine, the feminine, the, the, the polarization. So I'll give you. Just before we. I don't go too far on this because I know we'll jam on it later, but the lion in immaturity. Okay. Is insecure, dominant, controlling.

Yeah.

Suppresses.

Yeah. Okay.

The lamb on immaturity is people pleasing, self abandoning, pushover. Right. However, a lamb, a lion in its maturity is bold, courageous, assertive without domination and honest and character driven. The lamb and maturity is compassionate, loving, listens, cares, sensitive.

Yes.

And when you have the two mature sides dance, you're. You're able to be like Jesus was with the woman that got caught in the act of adultery. And one moment he's drawing on the ground with, with the Pharisees and saying, he who is without sin.

Yeah.

Don't think for a second that's not a lion roar.

It is a lion roar in front of everybody. Do something. Throw something.

Same exact moment, seconds later, he's, you know, some translation, he says, woman. Another translation, he calls her daughter, but he says, where are your accusers?

Yeah.

He's showing her compassion. He's showing her empathy.

In the same moment, beastie.

Talking about, like embodiment, beastly. Full integration of a lion and a lamb. And what I've discovered is, is the, the more.

That I help leaders understand that dance.

Yeah.

And understand what to pursue because I was blinded by not pursuing it.

Yeah.

I didn't know what to. To your point, I was oblivious, you know, and we have all these symptoms. Not like God's not showing us. He's like, hey, just. Your relationships blow up your face. Hey, your. Your kids, like, doesn't trust you right now. You've got all these different symptoms.

Yeah.

But no one tells you the how.

Yeah.

Right. And what to chase. So in that respect, I'm learning that any, any significant transformation happens as a byproduct of integrating those two entities or interest.

I can see that. Right. Yeah.

And the lion. The here's, here's, here's a. There's. I had this thought this morning at the chick, by the way. Took me a minute to find one here in Nashville, but I found one. Right.

I realized this morning for the first time that the lion and the lamb both roar, but they do it in different frequencies.

So.

Yeah, we got more.

No, I know what you mean. And I just wish, you know, to.

To just tie it into what we were talking about is this like the balance masculine.

Right.

And. And like even the language around that is just so. Like the moment you say it, it's like, ah, people just get caught up in the wrong thing. It's like, like be aligned, be you, be authentic. Right. And. And that's what you came home to self. And you realize I'm both.

Yeah.

I am lion and I'm lamb. And that's a awakening.

Yeah.

So that makes perfect sense.

You know what's funny is if someone, someone would say, for example, I've heard people say this. Well, I just tell it like it is. I just tell the truth. I just. And they're thinking they're being authentic.

They're not.

Authenticity does not have a byproduct of harmfulness.

That version of authenticity is not only immature, it's based on fear. Right. However, true authenticity is rooted in love.

That's why they don't know. They don't know.

They just say that's.

Oh my God. I said that's the most dangerous things to leaders is who they think they are and who they think they are not. And I think especially for men or any a type leader, the lie that they are not an emotional person is one of the most, you know, the tightest lids on their leadership.

Yeah.

To believe you're not emotional now, you.

Just cut off a whole set of tools that you're supposed to use to lead.

Like your intuition, like your gut instinct, like any downloads that you get, like.

A feeling that something's off. Like you need all of those faculties.

In order to be your highest version of leader.

But if you're not an emotional person, then you also cut yourself off from.

The gift of emotions. And it's.

It's terrible when you also. One of the things I'm also realiz. So one of the things I'm taking in right now, and I'm doing this more at a spiritual level and interject level I guess you'd call it.

Is I'm recognizing how big your presence is outside of your body. The field.

Right.

And.

The person, the mindset I just mentioned a second ago has a low frequency, a low vibrational field. And I believe the soul has resonance. Right. I believe when in John, where it says in the world in the. In the beginning was the Word. There was was God, was with God. Everything was created through the word. That's a frequency. That is the first frequency spoken. Right. So I'm enjoying your presence, but I also know your presence. This energetic field that's around you right now is not the same as it once was. You come across as a very healthy, masculine male who's very grounded, who knows who they are and who knows what they're about and knows what they're called to do.

I would dare say that most males don't know that. And I know that the beginning of that is stillness. I'd like to give them three more steps to take to start breathing into stillness and then start really leaning into becoming this grounded because you're. Dude, you're magnetizing.

Thank you. And I'll talk to you about the prayer practice, too, because I think that'll be a good one for the audience, especially if they're believers. And then I got that from Bishop Jakes.

Okay.

Primarily, he sold the seed, and then, you know, spirit watered it. But I'll say, because I talked about stillness earlier. The other side, I said, was mirror, mirror work, which is still a practice of still stillness, in my opinion. It's just. It's a little more active than just meditative and breath and allowing thoughts to pass.

But it's equally as helpful. And so for me, I had trouble. Just like I had trouble with stillness, I had trouble with looking at myself in the mirror. I could not maintain eye contact with myself or another human being because I was filled with too much shame and guilt. Okay. Part of how I moved through that was through mirror work. I would look into the mirror, okay. And I would try to hold the gaze as long as I could. I gotta look at myself in the eye. And if I feel like I want to turn because I don't like something about what I see or because I start thinking about choices that I made and I want to hang my head low.

Yeah.

I don't. I just breathe. Okay, That's. That's your action step. Start there and. And see if you can breathe until you see beyond the veil of your flesh, of your soul, into the purity of your childlike light.

Yeah.

Because it's in there. I gotta say this. One of the saddest things.

That I've seen in my life is to watch a child has so much light.

And because of their environment.

And that.

Situation that they're in, watch that light. Damn. I mean, I could think of. I'm speaking of two specific people right now. They were just the most bright, brilliant, happiest, go, lucky kids. And now they're like 13, 12, 11, and they're like stone. They're scared. Skin colors darker.

Yeah.

But what I know is this. There's still a flicker in there.

It's still. You Know if you look in somebody's.

Eyes, there's always a flicker. Yeah.

And all it takes is a person like you, a podcast like this to go.

Well.

Thanks, bro. That is why we do what we do. And you know what's really strange? Not strange, it's interesting. I've discovered that.

Many times that same 12 or 13 year old child is trapped in a 60 year old body, 50 year old body, 40 year old body. I. I love the mirror work practice. I. I had to do that too. I. You know, I start every day. I did it this morning. I start every day with a mantra. And the last part of the mantra is like. Was the hardest to ever say for the longest time. Started. And I started. I started it with the mirror. Right. I'm healthy, I'm wealthy, I'm wise. I'm a steward of the most high.

Yeah.

I love you, Stephen.

Yeah. Yeah.

Most of us have to repair ourselves, and we also have to let go of the guilt and the shame attached to those that didn't parent us as well as we would have hoped. Mm. Because they were doing with what they knew. So there's a certain grace with that.

Yeah. I love the pairing of the declarations and the affirmations with the mirror work. I. While people do that same thing, I have them do it slower though. Because when you do it fast and you do declare, sometimes you try to. And I said this on the podcast. I think I sent you Brian's we out mindset. Our skill set, or we. Or we spiritually bypass stuff that we actually need to emotionally process. And so I like saying it slower so that I can actually see how do I feel holding this frequency. So when I say I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am of light, or whatever your affirmations are, you'll see if you believe yourself in the mirror.

When you're standing in the mirror, you'll.

Be like, you don't believe that. Like, trailing off, I'm happy, You know, Like, I'm enough.

You know, I'm abundant. And it's like, even if you try to. I'm abundant.

It's like you, like you're forcing it.

It's like the guy who's like, like throw a punch. And it's like you scared to throw a punch. Like it's.

You don't actually believe your own height. And then I like to have a journaling practice over. Well, why?

What is that?

Where did that story come from? Why don't you believe it? When's the first time you remember not believing in yourself? So now we have the understanding of the transformation that we're leading ourselves through.

And the reason why is because we.

Use this term all the time in personal development. We say, your pain will become your power. And I think it's one of the most under misunderstood statements. I think people understand it on the shallow. In terms of like whatever was painful to you, you can make a career out.

Right? Yeah.

But we miss out on the practice of that. That painful moments in my life have power embedded in them. Don't make me say it. Yeah.

Emotions are energy in motion. And so if there was a lot of emotion and a lot of season and a lot of pain, there's a lot of data.

Yeah.

That are in those emotional experience.

Yes.

And so I say don't white knuckle your way through. Journal your way through.

Yeah. Okay.

Because most people, they weren't. They were just like, keep it on, keep it on. Like, hold on, let me see.

What was there?

Why was I feeling that way? How did I move through that emotion? Oh, what came up like, ah.

How did I.

How did I overcome that offense?

And in, in the scribing and the journaling and the processing of our deepest emotions, we find the details of our power.

And what that does for people, in my experience is it deepens the control they have over their divine gifts.

Okay.

It's like Cyclops realizing.

You ever see.

You ever see Cyclops when he first finds his gifts? He's just tearing stuff up.

He's just.

They're paying the power. They're like seven figure business, nine figure business. Pay become power running from this. I hope my.

I hope my guys edit some Cyclops into this episode for fun.

This cyclop finds out. You know what? Hold on, hold on.

I can go.

I can squint my eyes. I have control over this.

So when we go back and process our emotions, experience. It's like, Daryl, this part where you were wounded and you were cut off from yourself and you hated yourself and you. And you acted like you were somebody else to the. You were a professional chameleon. You convinced them that you were a street thug when you were inside. You were creative. Hey, guess what? Slow down.

I say 0.5 speed.

0.5 speed.

That.

Oh, you know what?

You know what else is there?

A recognition of the details by how I was downloading somebody's preferences, portraying an image.

Oh, no wonder this guy can extract somebody's divine genius and turn it into a powerful, potent story. Because he spent his entire life downloading people's genius and embodying it so he can hide from his gift so it makes sense. And I would never have that understanding of self or that awareness of my gift or that ability to steward its power if I never would have reflected.

On those painful experiences.

Which also means you can only be a conduit of what you've already become.

Yes.

So.

So if you're the conduit of transformation, one of the other things that I picked up on, I even jotted it down, is in order to truly get the full benefit of every practice, it requires absolute presence. Oh, yes.

Full credit.

Which is terrifying to get full of benefits.

It's terrifying because it's poor.

So I want to. I want to. I got basically two questions. With the time we've got.

I'm just going to fire them both at you at once and then cool. Because I knew you, I know you. Pull it together.

Let's go.

All right, number one is how does someone face the fear regarding facing, you know, getting involved in that presence? And then the second question after that, which would be a little bit of a spinner off topic based on what we've already been talking about, is what is the one thing on your heart that is new for you right now that you think the world needs to know?

Well, perfect. I'll cover the first one. Face the fear. Number one, you got to get people around you. Like, we have a misperception of what it means to be friends. Wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy.

So, like, we think friends are people.

That like the same music I like and hang out the same places I like. A real friend is somebody to say, brother, you're, you're. You're chasing the wrong thing, brother.

You're not, man, I was just with you and your wife, man, you didn't.

Even look at her in her eye, man.

Dude, your kid was talking to you.

You didn't even say anything to them.

Like, you gotta. It's hard to read the label when you're inside the bottle. Stop thinking that we can just listen to personal development podcasts all day long and be independently successful or self made millionaires. It's not true. We are designed to be interdependent, not codependent. Interdependent. That's how the best work happens. That's how the best innovation happens. So the first thing is just like, man, you gotta get somebody in your life who loves you enough to tell you that you're breath.

Okay.

And you're wearing the wrong socks.

Yeah, seriously, get them in your life. Say. And ask for It. Ask for it. Like, I remember John Maxwell made me do a 360 degree leadership assessment. Oh, my God. It was one of the hardest things to do. Then people say, what do you think about me? And it's anonymous.

You're like, please don't say anything bad. Please don't say anything bad. Please don't anything.

And guess what? They said some bad stuff. And guess what? All of them said the same thing.

Why it's hard to read the label.

When you're inside the bottle.

So I can tell people tips. And the. The challenge with tips is we go. Got it. From here. I'll implement myself. I'll solve my own problem and realize that we're still running in the same maze.

Yeah.

And we need to get out of that maze.

So get people around you.

Which is a perfect segue to answer.

Your second question about. What's on my heart lately is in.

Person experiences, specifically minds. Diversity of thought, diversity of age, diversity of gender. Diversity everywhere. The world needs civil discourse. The world needs opposing opinions while remaining united. I don't know why we can't get along just because we disagree. Name a marriage that will survive that way.

Bro. It's the filter. It's the filter. You got to filter it through love.

And I kind of want.

I'm not going to comment on recent events because I might time. Time out the podcast. We can talk about it afterwards. But what I can say is this.

Be careful of anything that divides and doesn't unite.

Be careful when you find yourself tearing down humans and not realizing that you're destroying humanity. Like, be careful of thinking that. That. That by someone being less that you become more because it's not true. Instead speak unity in life. So. So how we're doing that is I'm.

Doing an in person event every 30 to 40 days.

I'm intentionally throwing money and resources at it and intentionally putting myself through what Paul said. I become all things to all men so that by doing so I might win some. I'm going into the business with the business. Into the hood with the hat. Why? Not because I'm being different versions of myself, but because I'm being all of myself in all places so that by doing so, I can build the trust to bring us into what we're calling the seeding greatness movement. Okay. And so, man, that's on my heart. It is. It is. It is. It is.

It's got a God energy of its own.

He's like one of my clients. Like, should I fly in for that? I was like, no. It's primary. Middle Tennessee.

Like, no, after the last one, I was like, yeah, you should probably fly.

Yeah, you should come. You should.

Because it's.

It's not.

It's. It's got this flow, it's got this whole thing on.

It reminds me of the scripture in the Bible.

It says. And I'm.

I'll paraphrase it, but it basically is the woman at the. Well, she's had an experience with Jesus. She's going back to the Samaria, and she's basically meeting and seeing people as she kind of comes to the city and she keeps going, come see a man. Come see a man. And the reason I like that is because seeding greatness is all about come see.

Right.

And it's not necessarily the men that we are, but it's the presence in which we're called to carry based on the ones that were formed after. Right. So I absolutely love that. I love what you're doing. I love how you show up. I love how you are authentically you, and you're not bashful about it. I love how we both share the need for a. Find some way, unite humanity somehow. Right. Because it's again, it's right now that I think everything's about being right rather than actually building humanity. Building, like, you know what I'm saying? So it's like. And the only way I know to do that, I've got, you know, I've got friends and allies that literally worked super tight growing up that just will not have a conversation together. Like, they're. The lens that they're using is. Is a lens that. Just, like, finding your identity, bro.

Yeah.

Like, it's the identity that people are casting on you. Right. And we have to understand that there are inner. There are influences in this world that are causing.

Yes.

A certain level of casting. Certain.

The gin is a strong word, but it's pretty close to that for people to disunify people.

Yes.

Right.

Yes.

Not realizing that the semantics that are being argued over are actually not even the thing.

They're not.

They're not the thing.

They're not even the thing.

So the thing that's keeping you from loving one another as Christ told us to do.

Yes.

Love one another as I have loved you. Abide in my love.

Totally.

Because we're not abiding in that love. We're at odds.

Exactly. And it's destroying us, man. And so, man, I tell people, breathe through the discomfort.

Give people grace for language. Language is limiting. Right. Just because I say something doesn't mean I mean, what you think that I mean by what I say.

Yeah.

And so many people are getting triggered by words and not even realizing the meaning of it.

Yeah.

Because they don't have real relationship with people who are saying it. They're just judging by algorithms, which is sad, by the way.

Yeah. No. Thousand.

Yeah.

You know, it had me thinking this now, too. You and I could talk for.

I know, I know.

One of the things that actually happened during this podcast on a couple of occasions is.

The evidence of even the wording of sitting with it. Sometimes we're like. One of the reasons I have not publicly commented on some of the recent events in. In the. In the United States is because I'm still sitting with it. Me too. I'm still watching how people who aren't sitting with it are causing themselves undue harm and others undue harm. And before I speak out, I want to make sure I've sat with it in presence to make sure that what I'm sharing is honest.

I believe that. And what I would say to people is make sure on your social media profile, you are intentionally subscribing to things that are, you know, on the other side of your belief system. Not because I want you to be fed garbage or something that you don't agree with, but so that you can see what else is being fed. Because with recent events, I'm a black man.

My wife is white.

Her.

She don't even have access to the.

Same videos I've got online. I'm getting a whole different narrative on mine about recent issues.

Yeah.

Then she's getting on her about her girlfriend.

Not the same thing.

And so it's. It's wild to be like, yo, if we weren't married, we would be on opposite sides of the fence based upon what we're being fed, because we're not being fed both sides of the story. We're being fed. Our personal side of.

The crazy thing is we. We go from tangent. I can't help myself. Now you open this door a little bit. We'll go. We'll go. Three more minutes.

Most of us are oblivious to the fact we're being fed content by definition. Media channels currently by definition, feed you more of what you already want to see.

That's how it works.

Right. That's how they. Their. Their whole job is to keep you on platform.

Yes.

And.

And you will. And it's working masterfully. And people blame these platforms. And I think there's responsibility as leaders. But I ain't gonna lie to you, bro. I blame the People like, if somebody.

It's like, why are we eating? Why is there false food? Because you keep buying it. Stop buying it and it'll.

It'll go away. Yeah.

Because all they want is your money. Yeah.

Why?

Oh, my God. But I gotta be.

I gotta be on the right side. Be right. I gotta be right.

Then.

Then subscribe to the other side and start. Start messing with the algorithm. Start. Start confusing it. I don't know who you are, dude.

I meant to ask this earlier, but I want everybody to know where they can find you and.

Yeah.

More about everything you're doing. Yeah. I also want to sincerely encourage everybody to come check out seating Greatness. I really, really do. When the next event happens, seriously, send me an invite. I'd love to come. Come support and kind of see. See the behind the scenes. I do believe that the greatest movements that are happening right now are people who actually want to build bridges. Yes. And it's. They're building bridges within self. To build bridges within community. To build bridges within the world as.

Yes.

Oh, what a way.

Stinson speaks. Or come to come to Tennessee to seeding greatness.

And we'll.

We're going to take it around a bit. Yeah. But right now, we're. We're building it here, letting it bake here.

Yeah.

So. Yeah. Yeah, bro.

I love you, man. I can't thank you.

Love you, too.

On the show, man.

Yeah.

And we'll.

We'll keep doing this. For sure.

Okay.

Awesome.

Get it, bro.

Let's do it. All right, guys, that's it. That's gonna do it for this episode of Build. Look, seriously, check out everything Daryl's doing. Come check out Seating Greatness. You heard a lot of conversation today on a lot of different things. You really did. There's a lot of open doors here. You get to choose which open doors you kind of walk through. As we kind of wrapped up the show, you heard us talking about some of the. The waves in which we both believe that we have to rebuild humanity based on working together and not against each other. Maybe it's time to have a loving conversation. Try to open the door. And I'm sure many of you are on various quote, unquote, aisles or sides or whatever. I don't believe in sides. I believe in Jesus and I believe in humanity, and I believe together we can rebuild humanity, build these bridges and reunite this nation. We love you, and we'll see you in the next build. Take care.

Peace.

Hey, guys. I hope you enjoyed that amazing conversation. And if you want more, just like that to help you level up your life and your business. You're not going to miss this next one. Check it out.

This is the greatest wealth transfer in history, in my opinion. Why is because it's completely new space. If you look at this space, there's almost no one in the podcast space that's doing and talking AI. And when I was first looking at AI, it was the thing that I knew that I was going to be in a blue ocean of a blue ocean. When you think about even the 2008.