WATCH THIS To Completely CHANGE YOUR LIFE In 2024 Months! | Coach Dar

I've had three strokes and I only say that I'm not defined by it. It happened. And I know people are listening, like, wait, rewind that. But let me just. I'm saying this in the sense of I help people overcome the most extreme odds in the hospital, traumatic brain injury and stroke, where they thought their life was over and we found a new normal. I help them cognitively, physically, mentally. I do that in the real world right now with professional athletes and CEOs and world leaders that I advise. Everyone just assumes they have it all, but they still, still lose hope, they still lose doubt. So when I come in the room, I come in so authentically. Like, I hope that when anyone's around me, they feel hope, they feel joy, and it's not forced. I am just so grateful for life that I think they feel the gratitude of life, too. If we really sit and just really appreciate the small things in life, then we will have these bigger things come along the way. Because if you're trusted and grateful in the little things, you'll be grateful in the big things.

Welcome back, everybody. I'm super excited to talk to you guys. Look, if you've been following Unstoppable for a while, you know that we've worked really hard to bring you a list. World class people that have stories that have, well done more than overcome. They've leveled up and created a whole new standard for themselves. Today's guest is no different. She is an absolute dynamite powerhouse that we've had the absolute pleasure of. Enjoy. And you guys are going to get a little intake into some of the private conversations as we've been going back and forth over the last couple days about what we're doing, what it really means to create excellence, what it really means to have a standard, a standard that you continue to raise upon yourself. And guys, I can't. Can't. Literally, I can't. You guys will be blown away, right? Blown. Absolutely blown away. For everything it takes to bounce back, guys, please help me welcome to the one and only Coach Star.

What's going on?

I am so excited to talk to you again.

This is like coming out like a Kentucky Derby horse race. I've been waiting all day for this.

Yeah, like, we've had. Gosh, we. We probably been working on the calendar probably what, two months? I guess it was.

Yes.

I was in my sabbatical.

Yep.

In Utah, visiting one of our mutual friends that connected us to begin with. And he's like, hey, you should have Dar on the podcast. I'm like, well, tell Me about Dar. He said, tell me about Dar. He's like, well, she's amazing. I'm like, okay, well, a little more information than that, Randy. Like, you know, you know, kind of deal. He's like, just check out some of her stuff. So he sends me a couple links or whatever. I'm like, like, wow. Like all that packed in one person, like, that's incredible kind of deal. So what I want to do is I want everyone to understand. Right. So you are a world class certified occupational therapist. You have coached, counseled, mentored performance levels for the NBA, the NFL, the NHL, the M. Gosh, there's so many. How many acronyms?

Mls, pga.

So many acronyms, right? You've also had a very, very interesting background yourself. I'll let you kind of share that in a minute. But, you know, what made you decide to take everything that you've done, all this experience, all this kind of stuff, and really just, like, really go out and really want to serve people?

So I started out helping people in the hospital as an occupational therapist, taking care of traumatic brain injured patients, stroke patients. And then I went through my own adversity and then went on, went back to school for business because that adversity was a stroke that left me with a blood clot that I was told I could die any day at 25.

Yeah.

And I say that because that was a. That was a green light. And it was a green light, say, like, go. And I went, but not at the level that I needed to. And so I thought that level was, let me go help with businesses. And so then I was helping run different businesses. And then in 2008, that's really where it came for me, where it was like this audible, like, drop your nets and follow. And I left everything lucrative to start my own practice in a recession.

That's the way to do it right there. Oh, yeah.

No business plan, no clients, no income. And I was like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna go speak to people on mindset. I'm gonna take what I know on neuroscience, neuropsychology, mindset, and I'm gonna go start my own practice. And my father's like, is this the stroke talking? Like, what? What? No. And I'm like, but I was so convicted to reach people and let them know, like, if we could shift your mindset to see hope again, to see opportunity, to see a better way to optimize your world, like, you could change your life. But I was, I joke around. I was like Elon Musk saying, you're going to Have a self driving car. People are like, oh, they're going to listen on mindset. And now all you hear about is mindset. But back then you do it before it was sexy.

That's a good.

Yeah, before it was sexy, you just had a few people out there that were great, but there was just a couple and mostly men, honestly, that were speaking about it. And I was just, I just felt so convicted. And I stand in that conviction to this day that I just want people to have the opportunity to make this Runway as great as it can in service of others.

I love it. This is why you and I get along so well, right? We kind of have this similar path of just wanting to impact as many people as humanly possible. You know, someone asked me a lot longer, what do you want to do with, you know, what's your, what's your thing? I said, well, I want to be Steve Meyer to as many people as I possibly can. Yes, like, and then last night we were having a pre podcast dinner and I and I mentioned these words is that our goal is to serve at scale. And you've already served at scale. But there's a whole nother level that I know you're about to step into and I'm. This is a reality and then prophetic at the same time. So I'm excited to kind of watch all this plan out. One of the things that I noticed about hanging out with you specifically is you have an insatiable energy to you of positivity, optimism.

It's an. It's using the word infectious in the best possible way. You know what I'm saying?

It's vitamin C, as John Gordon would say.

Yeah, maybe vitamin D and C kind of mercy.

That's right. That's right. A little sunshine.

Yeah. Because we were talking about that looks like that you are a ray of sunshine. You walk into a room and everybody kind of not just senses your presence, but they open themselves up to you for you to speak into their life. How important is utilizing energy or walking energy or discovering your own energy? Like, how important is it?

Well, what's funny is I don't necessarily think about. I think about. I am intentional. Like, hey, I want to show up as authentic as I can. But just when truly we talked about this too. When you have gratitude, I really am so grateful for life because I know we'll hit points. But for people listening, I've had three strokes and I only say that I'm not defined by it. It happened. And I know people are listening, like, wait, rewind. That. But let me just. I'm saying this in the sense of I help people overcome the most extreme odds in the hospital, traumatic brain injury and stroke, where they thought their life was over and we found a new normal. I help them cognitively, physically ment. I do that in the real world right now with professional athletes and CEOs and world leaders that I advise. Everyone just assumes they have it all, but they still lose hope, they still lose doubt, they still. All of that. So when I come in the room, I come in so authentically. Like, I hope that when there are anyone's around me, they feel hope, they feel joy. And it's not forced, thankfully, you said. But I mean, I am just so grateful for life that I think this. They feel the gratitude of life, too. Yeah. And together we're just in like. I mean, literally. I was in Idaho last week and I didn't even know, but there was. I don't want to. There was someone very well known and I. I want to keep their privacy private, but I didn't know it was him. And I literally hit this guy's arm. And I'm just going on the dock. I'm like, is God not amazing? I'm like, look at this sunset. I'm in just awe of just being on a lake. And I hit his arm. And he looks at me like, laughing because he could see I'm so happy. And he goes, yeah, it is great. And so people will pick up your energy and imagine if you're walking around in gratitude, they're going to pick up gratitude. So how could they not leave better? And I also saw my mom, Stephen. This lady was amazing. She had her first triple bypass at 40. She lost her mom at 11. Her dad two months before a wedding, had multiple challenges along life. And she got up every darn day with this, hey, if God still has me here, then there's a person, a life I'm supposed to touch. And I just honestly adopted that by like osmosis, being around her. And I said, okay, well, someone's going to be around me. That means God means I have. I have to touch their life. So if we really sit and just really appreciate the small things in life, then we will have these bigger things come along the way. Because if you're trusted and grateful in the little things, you'll be grateful in the big things.

Ah, that's almost TR of the Bible, I believe.

Yeah.

Yeah. I was talking to somebody recently and they were like, hey, you, you. You've managed to do this, this, and this. I'M like, yeah, but you didn't see this, this and this. And then we. I recently did an entrepreneur event for a local entrepreneur here in this area. That's, you know, first event. Her first event. And she was at least early on disappointed about, hey, I didn't have the attendance that I wanted. She had. But I'm like, but you had attendance started, right? You had attendance. You had people sitting there and Brian from our team, which you happen to meet and. And whatnot. You know, we were chit chatting a little bit and I was like via text. I happened. I was actually in Dallas with some of our other mutual friends at the time. And I said, hey, text her this Bible verse. And it was despise not small beginnings. Everybody starts somewhere. And you just killed it on stage for our. From my. My team with my other business and. And brought the house down. As far as I'm concerned with the. One of the things that I heard you say that was intentional was like incremental progress.

Yes.

What do you think prevents us from even seeking incremental process prop. Incremental progress.

I think that so often.

Because whatever someone wants to change looks so big that they sometimes think, well, the small things matter. So they give up because it's mindset. They already give up thinking like, well, that's too much. Not knowing that it's that chipping away every day that leads to an opening. And so when we just truly work on the little things every day, it's compound interest. So I joke around. I take all of the athletes I work with in the cold plunge, and normally they have them in their locker room, but they go up to their waist. I'm like, no, no, no, we're going up to our neck because it's a lot different. And I remember one player specifically, I put them in and it's 35 degrees, which that's very cold to start in, but I do it intentionally. And he's breathing and he's like, oh my gosh, this is so cold. I go, here's the thing, this is hard, but the more we do it, this won't be hard anymore. And he's thinking at that time, yeah, okay. Well, sure enough, over time, he's like, I could sit in here for 10 minutes, no problem. I said, you just over time got your body conditioned to say hard is not that hard. And when you start putting yourself in hard situations, it's not that it's enjoyable. I'm never in there like, oh, this is so enjoyable. But what happens is, is you mentally are Like, I got this. And then you think, what else can I do? What else can I tackle? So Monty Williams often says, everything's on the other side of heart. And I think when you condition yourself to say, what can I do? A little today, that difficult conversation with someone that I know I need to have, getting that workout in, you know, tackling a project I've been putting off, you start going at things and not hesitating, doing it. All of a sudden, all that little bit of effort adds up and the project's done, the business is created, the awards won, like, whatever it comes. But it was all that hard work and putting yourself out there.

That is so good. That is so good. And I was just thinking, too, obviously, faith is a huge part of our lives, which is great. Right. But then there's also faith, even before you find your faith, that it's going to work out. Okay. I was with a good friend of mine, an Orthodox Jewish rabbi, and we were talking about Moses actually parting the Red Sea. Right. So, you know, Pharaoh chasing Moses and all this kind of stuff, and, you know, the thousands of people, you know, whatever, and he gets to the. He gets to the sea. He says most people don't understand the. The true impact of the story. God had given Moses, you know, a promise that he was supposed to part, you know, he was going to wake away. So he goes to the sea, he's got his staff in his hand, and he's whacking, you know, whacking his. You know, stacking the staff into the sand and whatever he says, most people don't understand that. It wasn't until Moses was neck deep in the water that God parted the water.

It was almost like, am I gonna drown before this happens? Yeah. And, gosh, that's such a metaphor for life.

Yeah.

We often feel like we're drowning, but then that's when the breakthrough happens.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's just because it makes me think a little bit about, you know, your journey. Obviously, I've got. I've had a. I've been very blessed, and I can't thank you enough for coming live. Yeah. I've had such a joy hanging out with you. Ditto. But one of the things that I've. That I've realized that is similar about both of our journeys is when things were at their darkest, when they felt like they're at the darkest, there was something in us that said, it's not over yet.

It's not over yet.

And then, you know, I shared with you last night my. My. My second mentor this high school girlfriend's mother, you know that this too shall pass. What comes next will be greater. Talk to me a little bit about how important or how to maybe define that relational faith to really. To just fight through another day.

I think, like, I want people to know that.

Whatever your faith is, hope in something bigger gives you hope. When you don't have hope for anything, of course. Well, then where does it leave you with. On your own accord, with your own strength, Hoping in some way you get to do it. But you. Here's the thing. Faith is like Red Bull. It gives you wings.

Yeah.

And so when you have faith, it allows you to have hope in something. And I have a dear friend that has no faith. And you know, life is extra hard. And I said it's because you're relying on your own strength. When you have hope in something bigger and you start seeing. And I'll ask people, open your eyes to start seeing the small blessings that are happening. Like little things of. I was driving the other day and I should have been hit. Like just how this car came around. Wasn't looking. But something saved me. It wasn't my day. Right.

Yeah.

There's times, obviously, three strokes, like, why wasn't I taken out? Why were little. But little things across around that you look up and you're like, those were blessings. Where it could have gone one way, but it didn't. Well, I believe there's something bigger.

Yeah.

That is watching out for us. And I just want to say to people, hope stands for hold on, pain ends. So hang on. Because hope is H O P E. Hold on, pain ends, it will end and you will get on the other side. And I want people to hear me right now. Whatever was your hardest day prior to hearing my voice, you got through. Just like you'll get through again. So if you hold on long enough, you get to the other side. And I was talking earlier that 30 for 30s are my favorite show. Well, every 30 for 30 is because someone who they were about to give up, they were drowning mentally. But they held on for one more day. And then the break came. Then someone helped them out. Then they got, you know, the break they needed, but it was because they hung on that we know who they are. The reason we don't know who some people are is because they gave up. So if you hold on long enough and you hold on to something bigger, I promise you we will all be there to celebrate you getting the other side. You, you have 100% bounce back rate. Don't give up. That's a stat I could count on every day. You could count on. And it's because we stayed holding on. Giving up. We know what happens when we give up. We know that feeling. So why not just keep pushing through? And even in my darkest days, I would say, what if tomorrow, though? What if tomorrow's a day that I could. When I had my last stroke and I couldn't get my words out or I couldn't use my hands, I thought, what if tomorrow I get one more word out and what if my speech starts to come back and my ability to use my hands? And I just kept saying, what if tomorrow is the day, Dar. Just hold on, because it's gonna. It's going to come. Plus, I saw it for my patients years ago.

Yeah.

And I know from watching everyone who's ever bounced back, they bounced back. So I was like, sugar, this has got to happen at some point. So just stay in faith that it's going to happen for you. You could lose your job, you could lose your money, you could have a health scare, you could lose a spouse. We all have experienced lost. But then we experience a rebirth when we stay in it. So when there is loss and it's like a burning, there's always. Then one day that something new sprouts again. That's what you're going for. So stay in the fight.

See, guys, now you know why I had to bring her to you guys live. 45 minutes on a virtual podcast would not have done. Not have done you guys justice. So you are welcome.

Talk to me a little about the. One of the things that I heard you talk about a lot in the book. And by the way, I absolutely love the book.

Thank you.

My team knows because I obviously, I have to consume a lot of books, a lot of resources when I'm having guests on and stuff like that. And every now and again, I'll have one. Like, everybody should read this book.

One, because of the transparency you use, talking about through some of your darkest moments, Two, about the strategies that you employ, and three, about the easy practicalness of taking these steps.

Yeah.

Right. And one of the things that I absolutely love in there was that you. You phrased it in such a way that it's like your reset is like a reward.

Yeah.

Yeah. You're people. People, like, think you mentioned, like, people ending relationships or ending a business or, you know, having all. Losing a child or any number of horrific things that can happen to us or at least for. For the person experiencing. It's the worst thing that can happen to them. Right. But then you have the reset itself. Like, most of us would, like, say, I don't want the reset. I don't want the reset. But I heard you say, no, welcome the reset.

Absolutely. Well, one, thank you so much. Because the book was a labor of love and a labor of life, because the book was never supposed to be called the Art of Bouncing Back. It was awakening greatness. I was starting a book on that, talking about the patterns of greatness. And then I had my third stroke, and it set me back where I couldn't read, God couldn't speak. Everything shut down. And I thought, you've got to be kidding me. So when I got my chance, I had my sports agent. She literally called me, and she says, you're putting God in the corner. And I said, what are you talking about? She's like, no, you're supposed to get back up. You're supposed to write a book, and you're supposed to get out there and teach because you have a gift that people need. I thought, who's gonna take a chance on, you know, I just came back. I've never been an author. She's like, don't put God in the corner. Get up. So then, sure enough, I like your friend already. Yeah, me too. She's amazing. I had a literary agent reach out and say, I want to take a chance on you after that call, out of the blue. Wow. She's like, I heard your. I heard you at the NBA. Your name at the NBA All Star game. And she goes, I had to reach out and talk to you. So she gave me a chance. And then I had no after. No after. No after. I wrote, wrote, wrote out the principles for what would become the art of bouncing back. But what I want to say to that is.

These principles. At first, when I was asked, how do I help people bounce back? I'm like, I just naturally do it. They're like, no, you definitely have a formula, because you've helped so many people. And when I sat down to write it, I was like, oh, yeah, this is what I use on myself and others. And it just started flowing. And I was like, these are principles. But being an occupational therapist, our job is to take. We are supposed to take the complex and make it simple, daily living skills. So I was like, how do I make these principles easy? Because when you're in trauma or you're in adversity, the last thing you want is someone to hand you a thesis. What do you say? What does everyone say when they come to me? Dar, just tell me what to do like, do not make this hard. And I've had people that have gone to other people, and all of a sudden they're like, it's not working. Cause they're talking about it too much. Instead of doing. This book is about taking this and then doing the steps to get yourself out of the quicksand that the mental negative self talk and the setback does where you want to stay, ironically, in the pain because it's comfortable. So I wrote this book with transparent, about the things I had to bounce back from. But also I made the steps practical because they're the very things I've helped thousands and thousands of people use to bounce back. And I call this the people's book because I want. They kept saying to me, is this for leaders? Is this for CEOs, is this for athletes? I said, it's the people's book. Do not put this in a box. And they're like, well, we. We need to know where to market it to. I go, people.

People who are trying to bounce back.

I said, everyone in life is going to go through hardship, so everyone needs to build mental grit, mental resiliency, and what I call mental capital. The more you build your mental capital, guess what happens when deposits come out. You're not tanking as low because you already built this capital in you that you get to stand stronger on. So when the hits come, you're like, I don't like this, but I know what to do now. You're more resilient.

So talk to me a little about. All right, so how do we build mental capital? Right? So that's a term I haven't heard before.

I know because I made it up.

But I love it. I love it, I love it.

That's when I started this book, I was like, oh, the work I do is building mental capital. I was like, I should have trademarked it.

Yeah, well, yeah, now we're trademarking it publicly.

Yeah, we are. Please say Coach Star shared it with you.

That's right. Talk to me a little bit like, but. But what does it mean to build mental capital? Are you. I mean, is. Are you, you know, are you using a regimen of reading or watching videos or mentorship or coaching? Like, how are you building the mental capital? So when. When life does kind of smack you in the face to try to steal from that capital? Like, how are you doing it?

So when you go through these principles, the first principle, I won't be able to take you. You through all of them. You have to read the book. But what I want to say is the first one is obviously, embrace the suck. You have to embrace what's going on. But then to build capital, you start to understand your hard wiring, like, what makes you you. So I was saying this earlier. Everything can be taken away from you. Everything. But when you understand how you're made. So I made as a visionary. I got very clear when my mentor helped me with this. Dar, you were made to be a visionary. You help people move through change. You give them hope. She's like, you're really good at all this. You're not really good at, like, sitting down with the details. You're not the one with the Excel spreadsheet.

You and me both.

You're not the one that's going to be sitting and, you know, researching data for hours. Like, as a lab researcher, she goes, you love data on neuroscience. You love reading it so you could teach it. But if you were just doing it to present a case in a lab, that's not going to. It's not going to motivate you. I'm very altruistic, so tell me we're on something, but tell me why. Once I know the why, I'm like, let's go. We're getting the whole world around this. When you understand your. How you're wired, you then understand one that starts your mental capital. Why? Because now you have a foundation. So when hits come, you lose your job, Someone leaves you.

Yeah.

Yes. You might doubt for a second, but you go back to this and you go, hold on. They didn't take away my gifts when they left. They didn't take my knowledge when they left. I could have lost money that didn't take it away, who I am. You just started your first deposit of mental capital, and then you start building from there on who you are, the gifts, the wins you've had. And I start making this clear picture for everyone I work with. I create a confidence card, which is really their scouting card. Okay? So I call it the confidence card. Because in sports, we have a scouting card. And so if you're going to get scouted, what's on your scouting card? Well, I create it as this confidence card for everyone. So when the hits come, I go, go back to your confidence card. You're forgetting who you are and why. Because I'm going to building mental capital on them. So this keeps Helping. The CEOs I work with, when they hit something, say they take a chance on something, doesn't go well, and the company loses a little bit. I'll say, hold on. That doesn't mean you're a bad CEO. We had. Maybe it was a loss. It was an idea.

Maybe you went through Covid.

Yeah, exactly. Or I remember one of my dear friends now. He was a former CEO of Pepsi. He had a new soda that he wanted to come out with before he became CEO. He was in this new position and it tanked, and he lost the company a lot of money at Pepsi. But you know what they did? They said, no worries. And then his next idea was water. He was the person to bring bottled water to Pepsi as a concept, which.

We'Ve been drinking all day.

Absolutely. So his idea that tanked millions of dollars. He could have, like, went out that day and thought, I should never be CEO. I should never. But they gave him hope. They gave him a chance, because failure is part of leading. And then he came back and created water. So for every hit you take, when you build mental capital and you put the right people around you, which helps build mental capital, I promise you, you become wealthier in life, not just dollars, because you have an understanding of who you are and you have a good circle of people around you, and you understand that your life is in service and that you are worth so much more. And then you show up better. And when you show up better in this world, everyone wins. When you stay in your insecurities and you go back, we all lose. Because insecurities bring anger and rage. You never reach your full potential. So stand in your mental capital, Stand in your worth. You show up better this world, we all win.

Ah. We can't drop these mics, but we probably should hit them for sure.

Hello.

You know, one of the things that was just coming to my mind too, is like, when you go through struggles, when you go through difficult times. So I'll. I'll just be transparent with you. And my. My team knows this, especially Brian, because he's been with for a while. I have thought about not doing what we're doing right now numerous times, just throwing in the towel, giving up numerous times and not doubting what I felt like God was in my heart. Because I told you, like last night we had the chance for pre podcast dinner that, um, you know, I felt very early on that I was supposed to serve at scale. I had no idea what that was. What does that even mean? Right? You know, at. At the time, it was picking up a hammer and building instruction a construction company from nothing. That became okay. Sharing your. Your story publicly to let your. The lead. Cause I was a bad leader for a long time. Let out of insecurity, frustration, fear. Because I had people with CFO and COO and all these different acronyms behind their names. And here I am, the GED kid. Right. And if it hadn't have been for those. Those trying times giving me the indicator that something needed to change right then I would have lost my way and never. I would not be where, you know, I'm. I'm currently at. Hopefully I'm not done. Done making stuff yet. But. And if you roll all of that up. So there's. There's the indicator phase, like, so we're. I'm getting it. There's an indicator. Something needs to change. Historically, it's from something that doesn't feel so good. Okay. On the second thing is like, okay, well, how does that shape or impact my overall identity? And at least for me, in the times I made the greatest mistakes, I let my identity be shaped by the meaning that I placed on the thing that was a negative thing. So help me understand or help me unpack. If you're going through a difficult time and you're really kind of facing an identity crisis, what are some of the things that we can kind of walk through?

I would take you through that exercise. I just said I would say, okay, number one, I'm going to have you do an assessment so you could learn quickly. You're hardwiring your DNA because I want you to understand your gifts and your talents again, because you're forgetting them now.

This is like a personality assessment or something.

Yes, there's different. There's so many of them. I think some are better than others, but yes, some sort of assessment. I would do a lot of them, actually, because I want you to see consistent, consistently. No matter which ones you take, you keep coming out.

Yeah.

The same type of person. So lean into that. It's. I say that because it's. Why would we take Tom Brady and make him a lineman when he was a great quarterback? So that's what I want to do. I want you to make. Be a great quarterback. I want you to lean into your gifts. Then the next things I'd say, go ask three to five people to write me so that I could read it with you. Who's Stephen? That's all you get to tell them. See what they write back. Because what.

That sounds scary to me.

No, it's awesome. Everyone gets scared when I do that with them. But what happens is when you get that back, you start to see all the parallels of what they're saying. I have them take all the words that they say, and put it on one index card, because those words are what they're going to keep looking at. You could end up putting it anywhere. But that's where you start. What I'm doing is bringing you back to center. I'm bringing you back to center. In life, we want to be centered, and I mentally bring people emotionally, mentally, even spiritually back to center, because that's how you start to fight the insecurities, the imposter syndrome, all those things that creep up as you're going, as you hit walls. And I understand as soon as you start to feel like, some adversity here, you're like, am I going backwards again right now? I'm like, I've been there. I just said that to you last night. I'm like, I'm not kidding. This is the first time in my life ever that I have felt like some Runway. Any Runway like this. I've never felt this before, because it's been adversity for a majority of my life. And I'm like, I tell my team all the time.

I feel like I've been fighting uphill my entire. With a sword.

Absolutely.

Yeah. I'm ready. I'm ready for a little bit of a dip.

Yeah. I'm like. I feel like, can I just look out at the mountaintop right now a little bit?

Yeah.

But I know there's valleys, and then I know there's peaks again. I know it. I just want a little bit more Runway.

Well, because, you know what? You expect it, like, it's.

In other words, I'm not scared of it.

Yeah. So when really good things happen, it's just awesome. But when not so great things happen, you're like, okay, this is going to be a blip. This is something I need to learn. There's a lesson here. There's no derogatory meaning I have to place on, other than it's an event that I need to address and learn from. One of the things that we've been chatting off and on about since you arrived and actually a little bit before, is the standard of excellence and the desire to pursue excellence. And I just kind of shared with you that on numerous occasions, I thought about closing the live events company. Okay. You got a chance to experience a live events company. And I feel like. And here's an epiphany I had today. So thank you, Dar.

Had I closed the business because of something negative that was happening in my life at the time, we would not have had the experience that, at times, was a huge blessing for you and Then the audience. So talk to me about the importance of sticking through things, but maintaining or seeking a level of excellence.

First, I want to say thank you for not giving up, because as I shared earlier, Kobe Bryant says, greatness is not what we accomplish, but how we live that inspires someone else. How you live, the standard that you set for what I saw today coming in is I say all the time I have to help raise the bar on everyone. I would love for someone to raise the bar and help excel that I get to see outside of sports. And you did that. You knocked it out of the park. Like, every touch point was a level of detail on experiential detail. That is Steve Jobs, you know, you thought beyond what people could see to make sure they experience. And your whole team, I love your team.

They are freaking fantastic so much. There's no way the experience you would have had would have been happen without them for sure.

For sure. So I just want to say, like, you felt like giving up, but you kept going and you continued when you kept going to say, like, we're gonna keep this standard and every guest, I'm sure, brings something new and you keep leveling up from it. But I want to say thank you because the experience was. Is. Has been one of the best experiences I've had ever. But it was your attention to detail, and you care enough about the person to bring those details in. So for everyone listening, when you're going through hard times and you want to give up and what's going to happen when you go through hard times is you're going to want to sacrifice quality.

Mm.

It's the first thing that happens when it gets hard. Where you're gonna go. I. Let's just get this done.

Yep.

And yes, to some extent, I don't want you to seek perfectionism so much that you never get out of the gate. But I gave you an example earlier. I push the bar all the time. I mean, I know it's not easy, but I will. Writing this book. I had to work all day, literally all day. Clients, sports. I would not write until 12 to 4am that I had to write this book. And the publisher had me on such a tight timeline. Usually get a year to two years to write. I had a few months to get it all done. Oh, it was. I've never written a book before. So my point is I had to write. And I would sit there at night when I was exhausted, and I could have easily just gone, let's just get this chapter out. But I was like in my Exhaustion. I was giving my own pep talk going, hell, no, Dar. This is not the standard you live by. If you do something, you're going to do it really well. And everything with this process, I know it pushed people where even to the COVID everything. Every time I work with people, I'm like, I know we're tired, but if we dig deep and we do this well, we are going to be so psyched on the other side. But if you shortcut this, you're letting your brain know. This is neuroscience. When you start letting things crack and the foundation, your brain knows we got you. You're fighting your brain every day. Your brain wants to go back to what's easy and simple survival mode, Right?

Yeah.

So you have to be the chief of your brain, the CEO of you, and say, like, when it gets hard, I need to increase the standard. I got to push myself, because Shortcut Sally here isn't going to do it. And when you get that, when you get the product on the other side, whatever that is, you're not going to be happy with it. So you're spending the time either way. Make it great. So when you get tired, the greats dig in and they do well. I think of that tennis match, I think it was with Federer, it was five hours. Five hours of a tennis match. And people are like, how are they going? When they wanted to give up, they just kept digging in. And then the person who won had the best mental conditioning because he dug in and he nailed it. I mean, I don't even know where he got the energy. So I trained the players to go to where their breaking point is and go further.

Yeah.

Because I know in the moment that it's overtime and their body's tired. They're like, I can't do it. Well, the team who gives up is the team who loses again.

Like, boom. Like, what do you. What do you guys want? Like, really? I mean.

Wow.

I'm.

Now I'm stunned.

I tell you what, I also feel like, just to spin off on that one point, that you also lose the power of compounding.

Yes.

Right. So that whatever. The most sincere effort always has a compounding effect for me, rather than the most.

Effort kind of. Eh. I'll just never has a compounding effect. So you end up shortcutting yourself. 2, 3, 5, 10 years of where you could be or should be because you're in your own way. Right.

Yeah.

One of the things that I discovered and you reminded me of so beautifully in the book was the importance of my environment. My environment.

And There are things that I do, places that I go, people I see or don't see.

That either feed me or don't feed me. And for me, it seems like it's one of those things where it's like, okay, well, if I'm going to grow, maybe I should hang out a little more over here than over there. Talk to me about the importance of an environment in your. In your transformation.

So I love. This concept is not new that you are the sum of the people you hang out with. But I think people hear and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is real. And it's. It's the people, it's the spaces, it's the places, it's the thoughts you put in your mind. Like, environment goes beyond. I write about this. Than just people or just your environment. Your environment is what you create. So what are you creating a healthy environment in your mind? Are you creating a healthy environment where you walk in? I share about a company that when I walked in.

They could not get their people motivated. But when I walked into their entryway, it was gray and dark and lifeless. And I was like, who wants to walk in here? It's so not aesthetically pleasing. I'm not even motivated to come in to help you. I was like, when I come back, I want all of this painted changed. Sure enough, they painted it. They had candles, they had cookie. I mean, and every office was painted. And everyone started showing up better. Why? Because their environment got better. But I want people to understand, whether you're at a cubicle in your house, it could be a little shack. Make it so that it's something that inspires you. When you walk in, you don't have to have a lot. You just. My parents, we lived till they just passed in this little mighty 1400 square foot ranch. We didn't have the money to go to a bigger house. But my mom, when she could, she'd re wallpaper or she'd paint something. She'd go to the dollar store, she'd go to the thrift shop. She would just always be making the environment. So it didn't matter. We literally had the priest of our church, we had congressmen come. Everyone came from the barbershop because my mom's Italian. Come over to eat. But I mean, anyone could come over. And this little house, everyone felt so welcome. It was just enjoyable. So a home or a space is something that your energy and how you create it makes people feel a certain way. Well, it makes you feel a certain way. By the way, your car, your Locker room. Everywhere is a definition of what you want to feel or how you want to feel. So if there's clutter everywhere, you're mentally cluttered. Clear the clutter. Physically, mentally, emotionally clear the clutter. Make the environments great. And I was sharing earlier. I just spent this week in Idaho this past couple of weeks, and the people I spent it with are optimizers like I am. So we were infrared. We were in the infrared sauna. We were cold, plunging. We were making our shakes. Because I was around the people that I know I level up with. I was healthy and happy. Now, if I was around different people that ate poorly every day, gossiped all day, were negative all day, that's an environment that one I wouldn't stay in. So that's not gonna be my tribe, but it would bring me down. So I need people to really understand. If you want to bounce back, if you want to keep going the next level, look at your environments right now. Start with your house. Start with your cubicle, your office, the people around you, your thoughts. Start taking inventory. I write this all out. What do you need to take inventory on? Write out what needs to be changed and change it, because you cannot go ahead. That's a mental weight, and you got to release that weight to go forward.

Yeah. No, it's. It's. I was a joke. Might. So you don't know this, but we did a massive cable cleanup in our facility because, as you can imagine with the technology we have everywhere, there are thousands of cables.

Yes.

And it's one of my pet peeves. And I don't know why, but I get, like, cable management is like it. But I. When I walk into a space and I'm trying to prepare for a friend, a client, a key person that's around me, I want them to walk in, and I want them to feel at home. I want them to feel like I've been here before. This is kind of cool. I want, you know, big bear hugs from the team, you know, personal items, whenever it works. Cleanliness. I want it to smell pretty good. You know, try to use all five senses, which I know you love.

Absolutely.

Right. And I think. I think we managed to hit all five senses already. I did.

I even smelt a scent before I walked in. I picked up on every of it.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

I told you some of this stuff would be subtle, so.

Yes.

That's awesome.

It's important, though.

It is.

And if you don't clean up the clutter. And here's the thing.

Grocery stores. The grocery stores that Are dim lit.

They. It literally. People don't want to spend time in there. They know that the more you make it aesthetically pleasing, the more people shop. The same goes for your environment. The who wants to go to an ugly, dingy, dark, dirty restaurant? You want to go to a nice one. And I don't mean nice. Like it doesn't have to be five star, just it. Mom and pop that has a clean, makes you feel at home. You want to be in it. Yeah, that everywhere is environment. Environments matter so much.

Yeah, well, I want to. I want to pivot off the environment just a little bit.

Yeah.

So you just got back from Italy not long ago. First time going there. I got to live vicariously through your Instagram post, which, thank you very much, by the way. They were awesome. What did you learn about yourself while going to Italy?

I have to tell you, Stephen, I feel like I came back different. And it's funny because people keep saying to me, you feel so much more grounded. You feel I came alive on that trip. One I got to sense like, truly, that is my culture and my family is so that culture. I felt so at home. I thought I would, but I mean, I really felt at home. I also, I have a lot of this food wise, like, I was able to experience there and never feel sick. And I was like, what are they? They do not put preserves in their food.

But it's all organic.

Yeah. So I really felt like they care about their environment. The people were so happy. They were so proud of where they were. They all helped each other. People were healthier longer there because they're all moving. They're moving and they're in community. I was walking down the street and it was literally like watching my father every morning. My father would go to this coffee shop with nine other guys and talk every morning. And my father would sometimes sing some songs. Well, here I was in Italy and there's these guys singing songs, having coffee, and I'm like, that's. That's my father. But Italy was so beautiful and so meaningful to me on so many levels. That. And it was the first time I went over there to teach, but I also went over there ahead of time to just.

Hang out with friends and just be present. And I haven't done that in a long time. And it taught me the importance of stopping to be present. And my assistant even said, I was so proud of you. You didn't look at one email. I detached so I could be so present. And ever since then, I have come back a better person.

Yeah.

And I felt my family there.

Yeah.

I feel like I want to go live there next summer.

Yeah. Well, that's what I was. So that's what I was like, so. With the environment. Right. So that's. In a place that you felt alive.

I did.

You know, I tell people all the time, you know, it's. It's public knowledge at this point that we are looking at relocating our operations to another state that I just absolutely fell in love with. I like the fact I can watch the sun rise and the sunset. I've. Like you, I've fought uphill both ways my entire life, and I'm ready for a little bit of peace and just kind of like. Because I'm more creative when I'm peaceful. Like, the experience and stuff that we. You know, you mentioned, I'm. I. I'm more creating. That stuff comes to me.

Yes.

Rather than being in the rat race and kind of pushing through. And at least for me, like, one of the. One of my key places is going to the mountains in some form or fashion. Right. If I could stare at a mountain somewhere. And I love the beach, too, but if I can just stare at a mountain for somewhere, I can get grounded. And, you know, in the environmental aspects, it's like, that's my.

That's my, I guess, calling card. One of the things that I think you did instinctually, I've now done intentionally is go on these little sabbaticals.

Yep.

Right. So especially if there's a major life event that's happening or changing or whatever, to me, the best thing you could do is to actually go. Go away and get away with God. Like, I went to Utah. What? You know, and went there completely. No agenda other than, hey, I'm gonna go see my buddy. I ended up being busy the entire time, hiking and driving and all kinds of stuff. How important is it for people to get enough bandwidth, enough margin in their life to actually have those magical moments?

So let's put it this way. It's very important. But if you stay in. I'm just gonna use the term rat race. If your brain is constantly getting stimulated, your ability to have this threshold, your threshold gets less and less and less. And you don't have enough time for the brain to give you a stroke of genius. So if you want to be great in leadership or you want to be great in your life or show up better, you have to have moments where the stroke of genius could come through. Which that's why oftentimes people have their ideas in the car or in the Shower.

Yeah.

Because stimuli is not coming at them.

My poor team.

Yeah.

Text messages while I'm in the car.

Yeah. So. But that's. That is neuroscience. Neuroscience and greatness is when you go to the mountains and you get away or you go outside, you will have these moments that will come to you. Ideas come to you when the brain is not overstimulated. You can't have your stroke of genius in the middle of stimulation, and your threshold for life gets less. That's why people in the cities oftentimes become irritable, because everything's a pressure point to the point where someone could just be saying hi and they're flipping them off because they were in their way. You know, your tolerance is so low. So if you want to have more enjoyment in life, you have to create space, which I understand. People listening are like, dar, I can't get time away. I call it micro moments. I had a CEO that I took. We were going to an appointment. I could feel their energy. I could feel the tension.

Yeah.

I pulled over to a park as we were going somewhere, and I said, sit down. Sit down over here and take your shoes off. And they were like, what are we doing? And I said, just sit down for a second. And I said, take your shoes off, Sit down with me. Close your eyes and tell me what you hear. Well, there happened to be a marching band practicing in the distance, and they started to cry, and they said, I haven't just sat and listened to the birds and hear a marching band in so long. And it brought back memories. And I said, we literally just took 10 minutes to sit here. It reset your whole soul, your mind. You're going to walk into this meeting so much better. I had to stop for a second with you so you could reset so you don't have to go to the mountains. I would love for everyone to get a break. Definitely go get that break. But in the meantime, find the micro moments to reset and refuel, and you will show up better.

There it is again.

You know, one of the. I was thinking about, you know, so I've got three children, which, you know about, that are not biologically mine, but I love them. Yep, I know. I think we share this in common. Neither one of us could actually have kids, or at least to the point we figured that out. That was. That was kind of the. What happened. And they're super important to me. But one of the things that happened, I don't know, probably a few months ago, I was sitting down with my oldest son, and this is kind of A warning story. And I just want to get your spin on it or thoughts on it. And we were. He was like, hey, you've been. You've been a great father. You've done this really well. You. We watched you help a lot of people. We watched you do this, that, or the other thing. He goes, but if there's one thing you can work on, just one thing. And I was like, okay, lay it on me. He goes, if you could just work on being more present when you're present. And it hit me like a ton.

Of bricks, of course.

And the reason I say that is because I feel like a lot of times, some things that's preventing us from bouncing back my perspective is the inability to even just sit still, you know, so when you start breaking this down, you start looking at the different attributes of kind of like, you know, how your process works and all this kind of stuff, and, you know, embracing the suck and then obviously the environment and then understanding really kind of what you're. Why all these. These amazing nuggets that everybody has to pick up. The book, by the way, guys, if you don't have this book, you to go grab it. It's on Amazon. It's pretty much everywhere. Books are sold. You really need to get the book. But one of the things that keeps coming up as I'm going through this is it's intentional. There's. Every chapter is about being intentional. It's intentional through this lens. Intentional through this lens. Intentional through this lens. Intentional through this lens. Which is something, quite frankly, I have been working on and getting to with my team and even spending some time with you away from outside the podcast itself. You know, hopefully my. My intentions are now showing better. Right. Is it. Because it's something I've personally been working on. Right. So talk to me a lot about the intentionality which you wrote the book and kind of what. What. I guess what the outcome is. You hope to see the book happen.

Let me just talk about for a second. The power of presence and attention. So oftentimes.

People are thinking ahead, the next thing they need to do, so they're not present. I find this a lot. I mean, I know I'm a therapist, but times when I'm sitting with people, I know when I'm sitting with them and they can't wait to say the next point. They're not even listening. They're literally not even present in the conversation. It's just. I hear you, and I want to share my point now because they're excited.

Yeah.

But when you Just let people talk and flow and you don't need to answer back. And you could still say that point, but let there be some room. Whoa, watch what's going to happen. I'm not kidding. People are going to go, I feel so good when I'm around you. I feel heard and seen because you're letting the conversation have air, have some depth, have. When you're in conversations where people are like, oh, yeah, and this, and then this, you're. You're fast forwarding what needs to happen.

Yeah.

You're letting no space, and then the person doesn't even feel like they're listened to. I literally had to do that with someone that was meeting with me. They were taking a meeting with me, wanting to. They wanted me to use their service. And I said to this person, I'd love your service, but what right now? I said, every time I talk, you have a story that you want to share. And up it. And I go, are you selling you. Are you selling this product? Like, what are we doing? Because you're not even listening to anything I'm saying. You came to hear what I needed to say so you could solve a problem, but you're not even listening. And they're like, I didn't realize it. And it. They were a beautiful soul. They were rushing through it, and it just. They were excited, but it became them in the conversation. So I want to say that because this is really important in life. And I had an assistant who really taught me this, because when she talked, she was water personality. She would talk.

And then she'd continue. And you think she was done, but she was just getting, like, the thoughts coming through, and she had the courage to finally speak. And if I stopped her in the middle of flow, I would lose her. I would lose the genius of what she was able to say. So I want to talk about the power of presence. And just having conversations could be a game changer for people if they apply this. The other thing is intentionality. A friend of mine who's also a therapist said, the power of the pause. When you're about to take another phone call or go into a meeting, pause for a second, take a deep breath, and then walk into that next meeting saying, how do I want to show up? Or you're going to take the next phone call. Before you take it, let go of the phone call you were just on pause and say, how do I want to show up for this call? Or when you're done with work and you're going to walk into your house, let Go of what just happened and walk into the house and be present. This is powerful because people feel when you just took that last meeting or that last call into theirs, they feel it and they're like, hello, you're not even here. You're literally in that meeting. Or you're in the next meeting. And then, why do we have a mental health challenge? Because no one feels seen and heard. Why do insecurities come up? Because the person doesn't even see them in front of you. Simon Sinek talks all the time. He's like, having your phone around, if you need to, you say, hey, I'm leaving it out because I'm waiting for this, but otherwise I don't need to be on it. They at least go, okay, if that comes through, I understand. Because it's a business call you're waiting for. Other than that, just having it there, it makes people feel like you want to be somewhere in that phone, looking at someone else's life than being actually present here. And I just spoke to a university, and I said, you know, everyone wants to put their reels up on Instagram. I said, the thing is, you're living life, waiting to capture the next real that you're not even living a real life. Ooh. So I was like, R E EL ends up taking over R E A L. So I was like, we need to get real about these reals. And so you need to start showing up, being present to have a real life, not a fake life.

I wish we had a real going right now, girlfriend.

Yeah.

I'll tell you right now.

But that's what happens. We're so like, I wanna make this real that you're missing out on real life.

Yeah.

Dar.

I'm sorry. Calling you did it again. Dar.

I just get so passionate.

I'm. You know, historically, I'm. I'm a pretty decent interviewer. I'm just, you know, I work really hard to prepare and kind of make my.

But every time you start sharing, my brain goes in six different directions. And I'm like, I want to. I want to come back to that. I want to come back to that. And then you just drop the bomb on me, like, oh, man, where do we go now? Yeah. I'm stunned. I have no choice but to have the pregnant pause.

That's okay. Because you know what? I want people to know. It's okay to have space for quiet time.

Yeah.

Like, really. Like, I think about when Jesus walked the Earth. He didn't talk all the time.

He went by himself a lot.

Yeah. But There was times of quietness. We are in a world of stimulation all the time. It is okay. It is better to be mono focused, not multifocused. I want people to be present in what they're doing. And so often, sometimes it takes me a little bit to get back to people. Like, I'm here, I'm here. I have no idea who's emailed me, text me, called me. I don't know. I will get to as soon as I can. But I read the book the Carpenter because I'm like this a lot. Where I'm with people, I'm with them. So sometimes people are like, I haven't heard from him. I'm like, because when I was with the people I was with, just like, when I'm with you, you'll feel that too. And then I read the book the Carpenter by John Gordon, which I love, and he literally, his card, the Carpenter was like, you had to meet him at the next location because he wasn't going to call you back because he's so present what he's doing. And I love that. And I. I want to bring more of that. Not that I don't ever want to get back, but that's why I have someone on my team that helps with that. Because I want to be so present with the people that I'm with that I hope they feel better when I left than when I started. And I live by that. Because if tomorrow I go and I'm off to the pearly gates, I cannot wait when that day comes. But when I go, I don't be in a rush.

We like you.

Well, it's God's time, not my time.

That's true, too.

Whenever that comes, I'm okay with it. But I say in the meantime, I'm maximizing every moment. I'm maximizing every moment. I want to be so present with the people I'm with. Because we can't get this time back.

Yeah. You are so incredibly intentional.

Help the audience understand what maybe your normal routine is.

It's funny, the lady who is helping Michelle earlier on your team today, she's like, I bet you when you get asked this, what's a typical day? I was like, there is no typical. Because literally what I thought was gonna happen on Monday, I literally had to text Shannon, who works with me, and say, we have to reschedule all this. I need to get on a flight. Cause I need to go to sofi Stadium on Monday now. And that was not in the plans. Now I am. I mean, there's no, every day is different. And it's, I mean, what I try to do, I know it's gonna change, but I try to get up in the morning, say my prayer, set my intention, do my gratitude, and then I go and work out. If I could work out and move, I am so happy. And I say this because I had a player say to me, why do you like working out so much? I hate it.

And I'm like, I feel off if I don't.

Well, that's what I said. I said, I don't feel the same when I don't. And I know what it's like to not have my health where I couldn't. And so when I feel that I get that, the chance to go and fuel my body so it is stronger and better, I get excited about that. So now it's not like, oh, I have to do this. I get to go work out. Sign me up, because I know it's going to make me feel better in the long run. I'm looking at the long game, I'm not looking at the short game.

Yeah.

So I work out and then I come back, get ready. And I usually am either coaching someone right away when I start in the morning, speaking, going to see a player or a CEO, or I might be on a podcast. I've been on this book tour, so I'm talking a lot about the book. Flying somewhere to meet someone. I mean, I am not home a lot. I, I, you obviously know.

How do you take care of that cute little puppy?

I, well, that's why you gave me a stuffed puppy. I want a dog so bad. I love dogs, but no one lets me get them, which I understand because I'm gone.

No one lets you get them. So you have handlers now?

No one. Yes. They're like, you can't get a dog because the dog is going to be in a with everyone else and not you because you're gone so much so. But I am very. My routine generally has optimization in it to help myself. And if I'm going a lot, I stop in at a wellness center that I am a part of. And I do my infrared, I do my cold plunge, I do my cryo, I do sound bed meditation. I mean, I am doing IVs. I make it an intention, just like a pro athlete. When you're in season, you don't see that athlete a lot. You may see them places, but they don't have a lot of life at that time. And I know there's points in my life I tell my Family, I'm in season. You're not gonna see me a lot. I can't even deposit into friendships a lot then. But then this summer on my book tour, I got to go to places and be with people and deposit into people, like, tenfold. So I'm like. It's making up for, like, three, four years that I missed out on. But I was in season, so. Hey, anyone listening? There is no perfect balance in life. Let go of that falsehood. There is no perfect balance. You are going to be in season sometimes where you have to put more time in to get something done, and then you're going to be out of season, so then you could pour time in there. What you need to do is it's quality over quantity. So when you see people, make sure it's quality, because you may not see them a lot, but when you do, they're so happy they saw you, because how many times have you saw someone but it was poor quality?

Yeah. You're like, passing.

You're like, I saw you 10 times, but every time is poor.

Yeah.

So it's quality, not quantity.

So good. As we're kind of staying on that same track, one of the things that I want to talk about is a little bit. You. You were going to coach me a little bit on biohacking, so, you know, so. And I obviously, I got to experience the F45 today for the first time, which is pretty cool, actually. I actually enjoy it.

Was it coming back or bouncing back from the strokes that led you into this super intentionality behind your wellness physical, wellness infrared and cold plunge and all this kind of stuff? Or has this been just because you've been hanging out with really cool people that take really good care of their body and you spend a lot of time with Wim Hof? I mean, like, how did. How did you. How did you kind of find that tracker? Because I feel like that that's part of bouncing back is having a good physical state that merges with a good mental state.

This started since I was a kid. My father. We lived in a town where Mike Katz lived, who trained with Arnold Schwarzenegger. He went up.

Really?

Yeah. Mike Katz was literally one of his. Like, it was between Mike Katz and arnold Schwarzenegger for Miss Olympia. Mr. Olympia.

Oh, wow.

So my point is, is that was. My father lifted weights. My, like, this person was in our town, so health and fitness was already involved in our life. My father, even though we're Italian, my father, he literally had me starting in 8th grade lifting weights in the basement and so I'd be down there lifting weights. He would teach me. He loved coaching me. He's like, use this proper form. This is how you do this star. My father was really hard on me, but it was about proper habits and proper form create results. And he's so right. I mean, at the time I was like, jeez, like get him off my back. But no, why was he gonna let me up? Because if he let let up on it, I would have poor form and poor habits which would never leave to better results. So I started doing that in eighth grade. And then as I went on to become a therapist in the hospital I worked on was an amazing, world renowned teaching hospital. We used all forms from neurofeedback to everything to help try to get people's health back. We were trying to get them back from coma to life again. So modalities as a therapist have been a part of my life. Then I go out in private practice, I go on the business world and I'm not using them as much. And then when I start my private practice, I was like a nerd about this. I was trying to research neuroscience. What will help human behavior, what will help the brain. And then over the years, I just kept finding out more. And then I also kept finding more of my tribe, of the people who love this stuff.

Yeah.

And I call us like the optimizers who feel like the outliers. Where if I told some people in my family, come on, we're cold plunging today and we're gonna infrared. And then I want you to lay on this sound bed and then I want you to put this brain tap on your head. They would be like, no, we just want to watch TV and hang out. And I'm like, wait, but you could do all that once you do this. So I found my tribe that likes us all. And also I feel such.

A responsibility that anyone that works with me knows they're getting the best. So I am always searching for what modalities I could bring to my clients and my people that will help them optimize their life to have their best life.

Yeah.

So as a sense of that responsibility, I Norm, I'm researching and trying things all the time, which I get to try because I want to be optimal. Because here's the thing for everyone, you can't give what you don't have. So you wouldn't go to a broke financial planner. Why would you go to a broke financial planner? They clearly aren't doing the things. So why would you come to me as your therapist and Mental skills coach or building your mental capital if I'm not doing the things to keep myself well.

Yeah.

Like there's 10 million coaches out there and I have a. I have a definite passion on this. Because you can get a certification tomorrow online and call yourself a coach, but you don't even have your stuff together.

Yeah.

So if you're going to do something, you get in an order and you go out there and serve, but you've got it. You've got.

And get some results in it.

Yeah, you have to get results because I mean, people on Instagram, they become Insta famous and they've helped two people.

Mm.

I'm not worried about how many followers. I'm worried about what's the results I'm getting for people.

Yeah. No, and you're getting great results.

Yes.

Yeah. I mean, your resume speaks for itself.

And thankfully, my business has been word of mouth. I've literally been word of mouth all these years.

That's how you and I met.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. You know, so it's like. Yeah, you need to know this. Okay. Okay, cool. I trust you. You know, kind of thing.

When it comes to bouncing back. Right. And creating the art of bouncing back and going through the book. And so as an author myself, I know that when I set out to write a book, it's a commitment. That's insane. Right now. I didn't have two months or three months or whatever it was to try to publish a book. I got longer than that published book.

By a publisher who's on you. It's not like you can self publish anything here. Their editors are on you.

But I also believe that certain pieces of work you almost call into existence, like you bring it in. Right, Sure.

I think this book is that for you.

Yeah.

I think there's enough realness. And that's. I guess that's one of the things I love about. What I love about the resource itself is it's real, it's transparent, and it's. And it's like, this is the practicality. This is what. This is what it takes to win. Right. And not only that, not only am I telling you this is what it takes to win, this is my proof to show you that this is where I was, this is what I did, and then it won. Right. Talk to me about how this book called itself to you and why you had to write it.

When I started writing the other book, and then I had the third stroke, and that's what happened. That's when the agent came to me and Said, why are you playing so small? And that whole thing happened. Then I got the call, and that's when they said to me, you know, what is this formula? And I'm like, I don't know. But the calling came because.

I believe I couldn't write the book earlier when I wanted to. Literally had hired a group to help me. I was gonna go the independent publishing route, signed a contract, did all that, paid into it, and then I had the stroke. And I'm like, what the heck? But it was because it was not the right time. And I had to go through again what I had to go through. And there is an expression. I think it's Asha Tyson said, your journey has molded you for the greater good. Don't think that you lost time. It took each and every moment to bring you to the now, and now is right on time.

That's for me.

It is.

That's for me. Thank you.

The journey you're on is now. So this book could not have been called in earlier or later. And look where we are as a world and a country. This is the time for. That's why this is the people's book. Everyone, get ready. Build your mental capital. Learn how to. To use adversity to advance you. Learn to take the struggle to strengthen you, and learn to take the obstacle to become opportunity. When you do, you start playing on another level. So when the hits come, you're like. It's like David Goggins. You're like, bring it.

So it doesn't scare you. Yes, you're pissed off. Yes, you're angry, but you're like, son of a bee. This is not going to take me down. Every hit that comes after this just advances you if you let it. And they're coming, so get ready. So why wouldn't you build your mental capital? This is the people's book. And this is a calling for me because, again, I'm 50% more likely to have a stroke every time you have one. Well, sugar, that stat goes far against me.

Yeah, we ixnay that in the.

We did. But my point, and I said this to the other night. I'm not in fear of it. I don't live thinking about it. But, hey, I don't know what my Runway is.

Yeah.

And I have some neurological things that people don't feel or see, but I feel it every day.

Yeah.

And I wonder sometimes, like, gosh, is that going to get worse? Here's the thing. This book became a sense of urgency. And my publisher, my editor, Cheryl, which, if she's Hearing this, I can't thank her enough because she said, I know this is a calling, and I know this is something that the world needs right now, and I want to help get this out there. And she says, I do have a sense of urgency with you, and that's why it was pushed.

Yeah.

So I feel a sense of urgency even the work I'm doing. Like, that's why I keep saying to you I'm very grateful for where I've been allowed to be, the stages, the places, the people. But I'm not done yet. And there is a lot of people that I still haven't reached that I want to reach. And I keep hoping and praying for more time to be able to reach those people.

Well, I'm gonna come back to reaching those people in a second, for sure. Is there one chapter that was more difficult or more enjoyable to write?

Here's a vulnerable story on that.

So the hard one was in reframing setbacks when I was 25, and I was told because of my stroke and leaving at me with a blood clot that I could not have kids. And so it affected my life at the time in my marriage. And.

I lived the rest of my life thinking and being told that I could not have children. So last year, I started to get headaches again, and I went to a new neurologist, and he said to me, dar, did I hear you say you thought you couldn't have children? And I said to him, rephrase that. Not thought I was told I couldn't. And he says, I'm so sorry, but you could have had children all this time. And literally, Steven, two nights ago, I was at dinner with a radiologist in neuro, and he heard my story, and he goes, your story does not make sense. You should have never been given that advice. You could have all this time. And I said, wait a minute. And it was like. So when I was writing reframing setbacks, I got in the car and I thought, why did I need to hear this right now? Like. And so I had to reframe it. And I had to reframe it to say, okay, there's nothing I could do about this information. But I avoided marrying some people along the way relationships because I didn't want to hold them up. So I have stayed at times single because I didn't want to hurt someone where I could have had companionship and shared love with someone, but I pushed it away because I didn't want to hurt them by not having a family when I could have. I Could have. But the reframe here was, if God wanted it, he would have allowed it, and I would have never been able to help all the people I've helped and travel where I traveled and felt like I was able to serve this mission. Had I had a family, I would have had to be home, obviously, at times. So in the end, as hard as that was, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be at exactly the right time, and it happened exactly the way it was supposed to. So what is hard ends up becoming a lesson. And if you don't reframe things, you get stuck in the victim mindset. And I'm not going there. Life is too great, and you have to reshift and say, well, what am I grateful for? Well, I coach a lot of people, and half of them are like my family. So I feel blessed that I get to be family to a lot of people. So I'm grateful. So that was hard and inspiring at the same time.

Thank you for sharing that.

It was one of the things that I picked up in the book and even. Even doing podcast prep, you know, because I try to study because I want to make sure I show up well for my guest. And as someone who went with something similar, not same circumstances, but to the point where a family is something I wanted very early on in life and early on trying to define me, I totally resonate with that, but also.

Became equally as grateful when I was able to become. Play a father role. And I also discovered that that longing gave me unique skills for those that maybe weren't fathered well, which ended up being the backbone of some of the coaching stuff. So it ended up kind of being like, kind of a. So I love the fact that you reframe that into, like, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Yeah, it's exactly how it's supposed to play out. Like, I think that's important.

It is.

A couple. Just a few more questions. If you give me a couple more minutes of your time, I want to give you a couple different specific major life setbacks. So I went. And when in preparation for this, I was like, oh, you know what? I'm gonna go see what the national statistics are. If I get that out of my faith statistics are and what people most have a hard time dealing with. I'm gonna do you one at a time and just get your advice on. Because, you know, a lot of our. A lot of our audience is leaders and entrepreneurs and C Suite. I mean, these are people that want to do something with their life. Right. That they, they have a desire in their heart, but they also have to deal with life along the way. Right. So a couple different situations. Situation number one is maybe ending of a marriage. That was unexpected. How does someone bounce back?

Are they the one divorcing or being divorced?

Oh, gosh, that's a great question.

Because it determines on the mindset.

Let's go. Let's go from the one maybe we'll do, the one being being divorced.

Yes. So there. So you're going through married 30 years and your spouse comes to you and says, I want a divorce.

Yes, we'll go that way.

Okay. Chapter one, you're gonna have to embrace the suck. Meaning when I hear that I'm coming alongside and I'm going, I am so sorry, this does suck. And you have to feel that pain to just push past it. It's not going to do you any good. And you're not going to, you're not going to be able to heal. You're not going to be able to show up because you didn't deal with the pain of it. So I want people to deal with the pain of it. Then it's a grieving. You have to work through what the grief process, the five stages of grief. You really have to read that and work through it because you are going to grieve loss, loss of the person, loss of your daily activities, doing stuff with them. So it's important to help work through the grieving of this. And so when you work through the grieving of it, you start to then eventually accept it and then it goes back to you. Innately human behavior is, what did I do wrong? What's wrong with me that they wanted to leave? Two things. One, I want you to do honest self reflection. Is there some things that you could have changed that could have made the marriage better? You have to take some honest inventory. Because a marriage doesn't end generally by one person. Generally there's some cases where abuse and stuff, and I understand that, but generally, is there something you could take healthy inventory that you could say, write it down like, these are the things you know, I need to work on. Once you get through that, then I want you to go to working on your confidence again. This is who you are, this is what you bring to the table. And I'm going to walk through. That's why I'm telling you this book. It doesn't matter what example you give me, I'm going to be able to take you through these steps and help you bounce back. Because it all goes back to having that healthy foundation to get centered on again. And once you do, then you start going, you start getting your swagger back a little. And you're like, hey, I'm not a bad person, you know, or this is what I have to work on. But I still bring some goods to the table here.

Yeah.

No one's washed up goods. Everyone is worthy. Everyone has something. And just because the marriage failed doesn't mean you're a failure. And just because it's a season in life doesn't mean it's a bad life. Don't catastrophize one situation for everything. That mentality takes you down. Look at it for what it is, work through it, grieve through it, do the feedback that you need to the acknowledgement of what you have to work on, and then start to step back into yourself.

Yeah.

And then get back out there again.

Yeah.

Because I hear a lot of times people like, I will never do that again. And then it just takes one person that comes by and they're like, hey, I like doing life with you. Yeah. And boom, you're like. And then also doing life with this friend becomes, well, this is my new spouse.

Yeah.

So it, again, you always get to the other side, but you got to do the work.

Yeah. No, I love it. And I. That's one of the reasons I want to bring up some of these examples, because I believe that you gave them a playbook.

I'm. I'm. I'm tan.

It's a playbook, like so. And that's one of these examples out, is because.

To get through the difficult things in life, you have to go in with an awareness of using strategies, using techniques, using mindset. Like, you have to go through the steps. Right. Or the other option is to become a victim for the rest of your life. And, you know, everything happens to you and life. So I'm gonna give you two more examples. And I know what's going to tie directly back into how they're going to.

Say the same thing.

I think you're saying a couple different things. That's why I'm pressing formula wise. Yeah. Pressing you. All right. I'm an entrepreneur. I've been in business five or six years. I've risked everything. I've mortgaged my house. I've put my 401k in jeopardy. My marriage is struggling because I've risked so much, and there's no way to save my business. What do I do?

There's no way to save your business. It's gone you're going bankrupt.

I mean, that's. That's the assumption in the mind.

Okay, well, this is where sometimes a little humble piece in the sense of, you might have to let people know I'm drowning right now. Because if you don't let people know, no life preserver can be thrown out to you. If you want the life preserver, you have to ask for help. If you don't ask for help, the life preserver can't be thrown. So at that moment, sometimes people get so stuck on their pride and they just keep sinking further. And it's okay to ask for help. So I would say, number one, that person ask for help. And I know it's going to feel uncomfortable and you're going to feel some shame and all of that, but you know what people love doing? Helping people that want to get back up. Helping people that say, hey, I messed up on this. I tripped up. Hey, I did this wrong. Yeah, I use my money the wrong way. But if someone sees someone wanting and really working on trying to make it better, they're like, let me help you. Or I may not be able to, but I know someone that does. And that may be the very thing that gets you from what you think is bankrupt to then billions again. So ask for help in that scenario. And once you get help, that will start showing up what the next step is. And the next step is. And it's going to be a lot of hours, a lot of crying, and a lot of pain. But by sticking with it, asking for help, seeing where, hey, maybe you need to re pivot. So maybe it's not closing the business, but the business is going to re pivot on the product that you use or what you do or how you market it. So it could just be help. And a pivot golf had, right? Yeah. So as soon as you pivot, you just pivot a different way. Hey, that market's not working, but it may work for this market. And you never thought you'd be in this market, but when you did, you showed up and it worked for them. It's a home run for another market where it wasn't for one. I mean, literally, I would have never thought I'd be coaching in pro sports. But it was a market that needed the skills that I had that I got called into. But I didn't set out to that. That was a pivot. Because someone needed help and I started helping them. And then it just opened up the store. I had no idea about, literally none. And advising world leaders. I didn't Even know where a certain country was of a certain world leader that opened up and a door opened.

That's not just embracing the suck. That's surrendering to the suck.

Oh. It was like, what is going on? But I just want to say to people, there were times in my life where I was like, I'm banging my head against the wall. And it was like, pivot. Ask for help and pivot.

Yeah. Our mutual friend Amberly Lago, you know, I shared with you, we did her event back earlier this year. And. And we've been. We've been very honest with. With her. We. I love her to death. Something was going on that was against that event. It felt like it was. We. We had all kinds of challenges getting. Getting it going. Now once we got to the event, it all shook loose, and people's got lives changed and everything like that, which is awesome. But we were in my office, which I don't think you've seen yet. We've only been on one side of the building, but we were in my office and I was chatting with her because we had finished day one. I wanted to make sure day two started off with a bang. Like, you know, we had this challenge and this challenge. We worked through all the challenges, but we don't want to have to battle the rest of the way through the event. Right. So I made a comment to her. I said, amber, you gotta learn to pivot till it becomes possible.

Right. So I'll give you perturbed example. So you are now sitting in the bones, if you will, of Skoggins International. Right. Essentially a media events and empowering education business that used to be called the Journey Principles Institute. That was based on my first book. And Brian will tell you that we have pivoted so many times that it has to work now.

Yes.

You know, and we're seeing fruits of that. But, you know, I've. I've got quite a bit invested personally in that. In that endeavor now. We're not going bankrupt. Don't get none of that stuff. But I wanted to give that example because I've been at the place as a scared entrepreneur.

Yes.

Like, I've risked everything.

It's gotta work.

It's gotta work. Right. So. And I think one of the things that I've seen this entire time we've been chatting in the last few days is you have a unique way of reframing in seconds what takes people, most people, months or years, you know, And I want to bless you for that. You have a beautiful soul. I've absolutely loved Hanging out with you and getting to know you.

One last example, and that is the loss of a loved one, especially when you were super close.

I've lost both my parents, and one of my best friends lost her husband. Suddenly, he went out for healthy. Just had a checkup. Everything was great. Physically fit, goes out for a bike ride. It's a Saturday. College football's playing. They watch college football together. Everyone comes over, but he does a bike ride every morning on Saturdays with this group. He's out riding his bike, and they stop at certain stopping points to make sure everyone catches up. And he wasn't with the group. So one of them went back to the last stopping point and found him sitting under a tree. And he said, I don't feel good. By the time the guy turned around, he was gone. So she got a knock on her door on a Saturday, saying, I'm so sorry, Mrs. Mattingly, but your son, your husband, has passed.

Wow.

And she's like, no, no, no. He's riding his bike. She. They said, no, we think he had a heart attack. And, wow, that's. That is one of those shocks that you're like, no, no, no, no, no. Like that. One of those. Out of the blue, this can't be happening. That is so hard. Harder than.

Sometimes. And I don't know if I could even say one's harder than the other, but I had. I had moments to say goodbye to my mom and my dad before they went. And it went pretty quick. But I had a chance to be by their sides, and I got to say what I wanted over FaceTime before my mom lost consciousness. But when I got to her, she actually was. Woke up enough to put her arms around me and said, you made it. And I said, I did make it, Mom. And she hugged me so hard. I mean, she was.

She was one of the ones that told you to write a book, right?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. She had said, you're going to write a book, and someday I'll be there to buy it. So. And my dad, I was able to say on FaceTime again, because I had to fly. And by the time I saw him, he was out. But he came to me in a dream and let me know he was okay Right when he passed. But I say this because I got to watch. They got to watch me take my first breath, and I got to watch them take their last breath. How incredible to see the circle of life. I feel so.

See, there you go again, reframing it all over again.

Yes. Because, I mean. And that's.

Yeah.

I. So how do you handle the loss? My friend who lost that her husband, suddenly it took her longer. But here's the thing. She wanted to give up on life. I mean truly, like take me out.

But there were people in situations that never let it happen. And she. Six years in this hard grief, it was like the scales fell off. She had this prayer over her. And I am seeing my friend that I've known for only six years for the first time this year as who she really is, because she's out of the grief. But I want to say six years in the hole is hard.

Do you think it's six years in the hole because.

Maybe there wasn't a lot of work done early or do you think that's just how long it.

Took for the grieving process, that sudden blow? And there was a lot of things that hit after just she come up for air and another hit would come in another way and she was like, I can't take one more hit. Like tolerance wise, she was done with. She had no more threshold and another hit would come. And I mean, it's things that are personal to her, but a lot. It's a lot.

Yeah.

So that's what kept her. But she's back. So I just want to say that because for anyone who's lost anyone again, any situation that you stay in long enough, you get to the other side. You just do. And so it's please, please stay in the fight, keep the people around you and keep working through it because you will see light at the end of the tunnel and you're going to have a great day again. You're going to have a mountaintop experience again. It's coming because for every tick down on a heartbeat is the tick back up.

Did it again, darling. One final question as we wrap it up. What does it take to become unstoppable?

I think for me.

Because I don't know what it means for everyone, but I think in general know that there's something bigger leading you, know that you are worthy of something great. I don't care where your role is in this world. You have a gift and a talent that the world needs. And when you find out how to take your needs and match it to the world, the community, the place and space, that's flow state because now you're not working towards it. And when you're in flow state, flow is not force. Flow is like Devin Booker taking that three point shot. Like it's nothing. It's flow state. And when you're in flow state, you're unstoppable. So set your life up so you're more in flow, not force.

Did it again. D thank you so much for joining us on Unstoppable. I can't wait to share this with with our entire tribe. And then beyond. Guys, I need you guys honestly to seriously consider where you guys are in life. Where are you at with your business? Where are you at with your relationships? Where are you at? Are you content? Are you fulfilled? Are you happy? Are you going through a rough season? Are you going through that time where you need a both a kick in the pants as well as a hug around the neck? Where are you at? Right. Because I want you to understand that there are tools and resources and people like Dar that are out there who are in your corner. They want to see you win the day and want to help you fight alongside of it. If you have not already picked up the book the art of bouncing back, I invite you to pick it up. It's a phenomenal read. It is a highlighter book. You will need an ink pen, a highlighter and a notepad because at different stages, you're going to learn different things about yourself. But until then, I'll see you guys on the next Unstoppable. Take care. Peace. I hope you liked that video. And if you did, make sure you check out this next video right here.

I discovered that true freedom is more about choicelessness than it is about having as many choices as you can possibly muster.

If you could be happy with less.

You'Re freer than anybody else.