"WATCH THIS To Find The PERFECT RELATIONSHIP Today!" | Apollonia Ponti

What I think of where attraction goes wrong is this number one thing is men are taught to give in order to get from a woman. Since day one.

I wanted to jump right in because I found your story crazy, inspirational. You know, when you look at, you know, female thought leaders, most of them cater to a female audience and you're polar opposite of that.

Polar opposite.

Polar opposite of that. So. But as we kind of jump in, go ahead and tell us a little bit about how you got there, especially that 10 year old little girl story. I love that one.

Oh, thank you so much. I love that you knew it. Okay, so, I mean, I think since the day I was born, I was on a mission really to help men. You know, my entire life, I grew up with a father who was really confused, who was really lost, he was a really unhappy man. He was basically in my life to teach me now that I'm in this realm of life and very mature and do what I do. He was here to teach me a lesson. So my father and my relationship was very narcissistic. He always lied to me when I was growing up. He was very manipulative when I was growing up. I remember coming to school and he had a black eye. And I remember just asking him like, papa, why do you have this black eye? And in that moment, he was like, you know, I just got mugged at the ATM and I was 8 years old getting picked up from school. So proud that my father would pick me up. And I just remember just knowing in that moment that he was lying to me. Yeah, but here's the difference though, is even though I knew he was lying to me, something different happened to me. I felt sad for him. Like, not in a way where it was like, it's my father sad. I. I felt sad because I knew he was in pain from his upbringing, from who he was as a person. So I always wanted that fatherly love growing up and I always wanted something stable. But I could never get that stability as a little girl. So I found myself hurt, I found myself unhappy, I found myself confused, I found myself going through depression. As I was growing up, I found myself overly drinking to numb the pain and I felt hopeless. So that little girl that was hopeless also became hopeless and in pain when I became a teenager. Yeah, So I got into relationships where I was always trying to fix men and fix people and I was in bad relationships because I never got to fix my father. So it was like, it's my mission. I always felt like it was my mission to fix my father. But If I can never fix my father, then I'm going to fix the men that I date.

Yeah, man, that's deep.

Obviously, that was not successful.

Yeah.

And it got to a point where I felt like I had to negotiate with myself. I felt like I was making bad choices to seek acceptance from people. And I started to negotiate with myself with, what would life be if I just really looked and turned the cards back at me. I made choices not only to seek acceptance from my father, from other men, but I made bad choices as well. I lost myself early in my childhood days trying to fix my father. So I had to regain that within myself. So I basically went through this life trying to find healing, and I did. And I was able to heal myself in ways with coaches, with therapists, and really turn a blind eye and say to myself, look in the mirror and let's work on some stuff. Right?

Yeah, absolutely.

You know that moment that I told you about my father having that black eye and I had that pain, and I was just like. I just felt sorry for him. That feeling, though, never left me.

Yeah.

And that's when I knew that was my engine.

Yeah.

Because then afterwards I started coaching. But I always noticed, even when I was dating and my guy friends, they were like, you're just so compassionate. You just understand men. I don't know what it is about you. I just feel so comfortable. I just feel so this. So I started coaching women. It was great, but I knew it wasn't the thing that I wanted to do. And then I remember that first client was my guy. And I was just like, this is what I am supposed to do. This is it. So now that I wasn't able to fix my father, but I was able to heal our men's. Our relationship, I've made it my life's work to help men.

Yeah.

And I've made it my life's work to make fewer men unhealthy and fewer men live unhappily. And more men to feel supported, more men to feel guided, more men to have the answers. And so I want nothing more than men to be fulfilled in their lives and especially their love lives and their relationships. So this is my life purpose now.

Well, I mean, Evan told me one time, Evan Carmichael told me one time, he said, you know what? The most important decision you can have is that mate, right. They're your ride or die partner. They're the ones that can go with you through thick or thin or abandon you when you need them most. And, you know, when I began looking at a lot of the things that you were doing, I was greatly inspired, largely because most men, and I'm just going to be transparent. And please, for my lady audience, please don't get mad at me.

Right?

This is coming from a male perspective right off the bat is we don't. We as men don't understand necessarily the needs historically of a female counterpart. Like, we just don't understand. We think we're supposed to be fancy and drive the cars and have the stuff and we chase and chase and chase and the next thing you know, we're kind of like, wait a minute, I thought I gave her everything she wanted, you know, and then, and then that relationship kind of disappears. And one of the things that I kind of like about you is you tell it like it is, like both from this, from the secret and the saucy. Right. You know, you, you kind of. You kind of keep it real, which I love. It's almost like, for lack of better word, a female version of Hitch.

Right?

You know, don't, don't, don't dance out of that box, man. Right. So.

Yes, yes.

But hey, look, help me understand. Like, you've worked with thousands of men, right, and trying to help them fix their relationships. Well, I say relationships fix themselves in many respects, and then it equates into the relationships. What do you think the number one thing men get wrong is as it relates to, you know, attracting the opposite sex or attracting a relationship that's worthy of investing in?

Yeah, I think it hints on a lot of what you were just saying. You know, I look at my work as like I'm helping men. And yes, I'm very to the cut and I'm very honest with what I'm saying. But also I look at this as I'm helping women too, because a woman that wants a high quality man and high value man will stick behind what I'm saying because it's the truth. And also it gives them the truth of how women think. And so with that said, what I think of where attraction goes wrong is this number one thing is men are taught to give in order to get from a woman since day one. Right. So I always use this example as a woman growing up, I was. It was embroidered in me for them to. For my mother to say, you need to choose a good man. You need to have a good man, make sure he has a job, make sure he can put foot on the table, make sure he can keep you safe, make sure that he can sustain a family, make sure he would be a good father. Right?

Yeah.

The Women, because we're taught to be safe in our surroundings. It's completely different. Right. So of course we're going to be taught that. But with men in our society, what they're taught is to. And this can. And this has a lot to do with society, but this also has a lot to do with other men. With other men, too. Right. So, for example, there's two examples in this. When a boy is born, we teach him to be strong. We teach him to hopefully show empathy. Right. But sometimes we don't. And then on top of that, we're not teaching men to have standards for the women that they date how many times. And think about this, maybe you guys that are listening, you, Steven or any of your friends, how many times growing up, maybe you heard, find a good woman. But what really was the definition of a good woman?

Yeah, right.

That's true. Very true. So with that, now we're training. I have to give myself, I have to be strong. I have to mask my emotions. And so I don't know how to have emotional control. And so if I'm strong and I'm this alpha guy that sometimes isn't probably treating women right, I'm going to make sure that I get this woman. Right. I'm. That's how you get a woman. And I'm just going to just buy her things. I'm just going to do xyz and that's how I'm going to keep her. Which is wrong, because women need that emotional connection, emotional stability. But then on the other realm, what I was talking about is the men. With men is you get a pat on the back if your woman is this quote, unquote, 10:10, this beautiful woman with a banging body. Right. And so we're training other men to think like this. There's nothing wrong with finding a woman that you're highly attracted to. But we also got to set the standard for our brothers.

Yeah.

To say, what else besides her beauty is she bringing to the table if you're looking for that long, sustainable relationship? Because we're not teaching this to men in the beginning.

Yeah, absolutely. Well, let me, let me pivot off that just a little bit because I find that the alpha men, for example, I know that when I was. I just want to be a little transparent. As I was growing up, the more alpha that I was, the more insecure that I was. And I found that once I got to a place of inner peace and security, so to speak, it wasn't that I didn't have cravings and all that Kind of stuff, like every man does. But I didn't feel like that. I had to put on a show. I was like, here's the real me. Do you like the real me? And if you like the real me, let's kick it. You know, if you don't like the real me, that it's okay. Just move on, you know, do you find that a lot in your own. In your own work with the men?

Oh, 1,000%. And, you know. You know, I love that people are teaching men, but also, it's really important that people are also very careful with who they listen to. Because what I've noticed a lot is men teaching men the alpha mentality. But they're coming from insecurities and hurt. And that's where I'm like, no, don't do this. Because the more alpha, right, the more masculine we are, the more.

We are diminishing ourselves because we're putting on an act. It's about understanding the polarity. So the dance. Right. So the feminine and the masculine traits, the alpha and the beta traits. Right. And a lot of times men are masked to hide their sexual cravings.

Right.

And I think that's huge. No, no. Right. It's like, oh, you shouldn't be. You shouldn't be craving sex from a woman. But if it's used to the wrong advantage. Yeah, but the reason why it's happening like this is because we're thinking, I have to put on this act and be very alpha so I can get the woman. Because women want that more Alpha. Strong man. But the essence of strong and stability is not in the alpha. Yeah. Essence. And it's strong. And stability is something I talk about in my programs and I call it and I talk and it's called the Reese code. It's R E S S. It's called understanding how to respond versus react to all situations in your life. Having emotional control in every element of your life. Love, business, friendships, family. Providing structure. And only structure can start with you and creating safety within yourself. What does it take for you to feel safe for you? And if you can embody those four things, it blends those two scopes together.

Yeah, absolutely. You know, I'm just trying to think through my own experiences and whatnot. You know, when I was younger and I mean, I shared this with you on your show when we. When we shared time not too long ago is I came from a place of. I used to gravitate towards toxic relationships. Right. I wanted my relationships to solve my inner workings, my inner problems, so to speak. And as a result, during that, during that I was doing the whole give it, you know, give to get, you know, I, you know, I shared with you not long ago that, you know, I gave my ex girlfriend that took me for a ride of my life, my, My credit card at the time and ended up over $70,000 in debt because I wasn't paying attention. Right. When you look into that, a lot of that was myself chasing what I thought a man should be. When I later realized that intimacy is where Powers is, intimacy is where Powers formed and intimacy, for me at least, with my amazing wife Karen, most of our intimacy was created during some of our most difficult moments where I'm literally in her lap crying because I don't know how to put my leadership team back together. Right. Not when I'm, you know, picking up a bus, you know, and bench pressing over my head or, you know, buying some new thing. In fact, my wife could care less about nice things. I mean, she enjoys them, you know, because we're. We're fortunate enough to do so. But, you know, she's told me we can live in a trailer again. I'm like, I don't want to live in a trailer again, please. Right. You know, but she's kind of that way. What do you think is preventing men from actually hitting that, What I call the intimacy release? Like this, this moment where they. They kind of just.

Confidence kind of takes over, insecurity kind of goes down and then they're kind of open. What is preventing them for getting that done and then building lasting intimacy?

Yeah. So number one is actually finding someone that will listen to them. Right. I mean, think about it. And this is why I'm so passionate about what I do. The suicide and rate is seven times higher than it is in women. And unfortunately, it's growing. Yeah, that's. If that doesn't say something, then I don't know what else will. So number one is finding someone that will listen to them and understand them. I get chills just thinking about that because it's so true. It hits me to the core every time. Number two, not only that is unwiring trauma. If they come from trauma, you know, having a great relationship with their trauma. I'm a big believer that trauma is there for a reason. It's about creating a new relationship with it of our past. No, number two is also understanding who they are as a person. I think a lot of times when men come into this world and just an upbringing as, as men is like we, We. You know, I say we because we train them just to mask emotions, right? Because it's like, don't cry. You know, be a man. Don't cry. And so we block the vulnerability of a man. So, but what I'm not saying is.

I don't want men to just be vulnerable all the time and just be this walking vulnerable guy that just can be taken advantage of and become passive. But what I am saying is understand the emotions of what they're going through and being safe enough to know that they're comfortable with those emotions that they've experienced. Then. Then when they tell or when they talk about it from a vulnerable state, they're comfortable because there's a difference between being vulnerable and. And sharing because you're sharing at your expense, or being vulnerable because you're sharing to be informative. Right? That's the 2 difference with vulnerability. So when we can heal and understand the two. And understand too, in regards to all this, we have something that we're really passionate about in our lives, right. That gives us that confidence, that gives us the boost. Because here's the thing, as a woman, like you were referring to with your wife, your wife can sit there and love you for who you are while you're crying in her lap. The difference is, is you're not a man that is continuously sulking, complaining, not on a mission, not on a purpose, but is literally doing what his heart desires. So when that time comes, she can step into her nurturing element because she knows that she can support you during this time. But in the back of her mind, she knows that she needs to support you, but she also knows you have the strength behind you to get it back and running. Right. That's the difference, too, than you sitting on her lap crying and saying, I don't know what to do, and not doing anything about it.

Yeah, absolutely.

So I think those are the ways that we can really get into that emotional connection. Because then emotional intimacy grows with someone. When you can connect with someone on that level, which is not hard, but we need to find it within ourselves first in order to connect on that level. Your intimacy grows. Your emotional connection with a woman grows. And when a woman feels connected to her husband in that way because he hears her, he sees her, he feels her. Right?

Yeah.

Then the intimacy grows, not only in the bedroom, but also in the relationship and emotionally. And it's a bond that you just can't break.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, my wife is my ride or die buddy. We've been through it both good, bad and ugly. And she is my ride or Die partner. And I'll tell you something else that when she was actually going through that phase, because as you can tell, I'm a fairly bold personality. Right. I don't get lost in sulky land all that often, but in doing so, in that moment, I had a greater sense of her presence. And then I began to understand that her greatest need for me was my presence and someone who's a tendency to be a bit more of a workaholic than not. It's something that has to be consistent and looked at over and over again. So let me pivot that slightly and talk about the woman and the father relationship, because I also see a lot of females who are chasing the alpha thinking they need the alpha, like the straight up alpha, 100%, like, you know, whatever, because they saw that out of their father. Right. Wrong or indifferent, even including if their father was being consistently unfaithful or whatever. Do you also think there's a sense of. There's a need to kind of even do some retraining and what women should expect out of a quote unquote, quality man? Because everybody says they want a quality partner, but from my experience, not everybody's willing to do the work to be ready for a quality partner.

1,000%. Yeah. I think it's, you know, the same on the opposite side. You know, I think that, number one, a woman needs to understand her patterns. Yeah, Right. Like, where are you going wrong with the men that you're dating? But you have. Here's the thing. I know for sure, in order to change, in order to really look at yourself in the mirror, it's very difficult because you will find everything outside of life to literally, to really just compliment or just to. What's the word I'm looking for too reconfirm your limiting beliefs. Right. To say, oh, no, the reason why there's no good men is because I live in a city with a bunch of married men. Yeah, that's a bunch of bull crap. It's probably a little bit less than a city, a higher rural city, but, I mean, it's the same thing. But you will confirm and you will go out and you will find married men if you continue to believe that. So it takes a lot of work and you have to really hit rock bottom. Right? My rock bottom was an abusive relationship.

Yeah.

I almost died by getting strangled half to death. Right. So that was my rock bottom. So someone. I always believe, in order for them to change, because they need it, they have to hit a rock bottom. So once you hit that rock bottom, you know that you have. All you have is to get up from here. Right. And so what I would tell women that are experiencing this and know that you want an alpha man. Understand the definition of a true alpha, first of all. Right, Right. A true alpha is not someone that treats you bad. A true alpha is not someone that ignores you. A true alpha is someone that actually says his stance, set his standards, is very assertive in his communication in a good, compassionate, loyal way. And also, you know, is a man that doesn't just fall for the woman immediately.

Yeah.

So when you feel like you have to work for a man, but he's really showing up and doing things, then maybe that's a good sign. And maybe if he's consistent, this is another good sign as well. So what I would say to women is, look at your patterns, right? Starting with your father relationships, your first relationship, your mother, whatever it is, look at your patterns and write all those down. And I always tell people, right, by asking yourself a question, what did I seek from this relationship? And then what did I get from this relationship? And compare those two, and then you'll know by answering what you got from this relationship, the reason why you even were in it in the first place.

Yeah.

Because this is a need that you can feel within yourself. And then what did I seek from this relationship is everything you didn't get in this relationship. Right. So now you set that aside, and that's what you have to start looking for in the men. Start asking better questions. Start, you know, understanding that you.

Have to change and give people opportunities. Especially if you're not, you don't feel supported in your past relationships. Right. And then also, too, I am big believers, you have to live by what you're preaching. If you want a man to be faithful, if you want a man not to play games, if you want a man to be consistent, if you want this, you've got to do the same thing.

Yeah. Yeah. That's so good. Um, because I do. There is. There is an essence. And I think this is just maturity, Right. This is just us being honest with ourselves. Like, you know, yes, let's go back and look at this. Let's go back and look at the patterns to see what it caused, what kind of behavior patterns it caused. Let's go back and do that all. You know, at the same time, you got to also step into your own stuff and say, hey, how mature was I in this particular relationship? You know, as you're talking, I'm thinking about my. My wonderful daughter. And as I'm thinking about, you know, my, I've said before, you know, my ultimate hope for her is that she marries a man. Not a boy dressed like a man, but a man. Right. Kind of scenario. Speaking of that, what do you think? This, that, this, this, this is pretty important question. This, this is for my, for my men out there. What do you think the top three things women need but are scared to communicate to men are?

Oh, okay, so let me start within the bedroom first. That's the best one.

Okay, so. Oh, gosh, I have a couple about in the bedroom. Which one should I say? So top three. Okay. So I definitely. Women judge ourselves when. If a man can be really present and in our body and just understand that, like, take your time. Because women judge ourselves so much when it comes to our body image, especially if we're married, it doesn't matter. You know, in relationships, it doesn't matter. We have to feel comfortable. And if we're bloated and if we're anything like, we're not comfortable. Right. So it really does something to our mind. Because with women, when we're intimate, not saying that men aren't, but it's very higher because of the part of the brain the women use more, which we'll go into. I mean, we'll save it for another day. But.

We are off of emotions. We can't be present if something else is on our mind. Right. So that's, number one is be patient, be present. And if you can understand that, you, you can really get better intimacy in your relationships. Right. So you'll know, you'll notice if you're. She's like, you know, kind of a little bit curled up a little bit or hiding something. And then you just loosen her up in whatever way you choose, which I talked about on my YouTube channel a lot. And then number two is security. Right? Security. Safety. Right. Safety is huge for women. Okay. We have to. As men too. I always like to say this. As a man, you can go out at night and get the mail and not think anything about it or walk a block because you need to blow off some steam. Probably in your neighborhood, right? You don't really think about it. You just go on a walk. But as a woman, we don't really want to go on a walk late at night in the dark by ourselves because we have to think about safety all the time, how our mind is wired. Women are not. Oh yeah, I'm just going to go outside on a walk at 9pm, 10pm at night. No, that doesn't happen. So I Think creating safety is really important for men to understand that safety doesn't come in. I'm going to be your protector, right. I'm going to be strong, and if a man comes in that door, I'm going to beat him up. Well, I mean, obviously I hope that you would stand before me because I'm probably a little smaller than you, unless it's vice versa. But safety comes from emotional balance, right? Safety and who you are as a person. Safety. Safety and your values having the same values that are aligned. Safety and the reassurance of, I'm going to speak up if she is not living to her best potential and same for her, vice versa. Creating that trust where you hold each other accountable as well in the relationship, in life, in business, and you show up in the support. Right. That is number two. Number three, I would definitely say emotional control.

Okay.

Emotional control. I talk about that a lot. Emotional control and how you show emotions. Right. So do we react automatically? Because the guy at the gas station made us mad and we make our person uncomfortable. Right by us, right. And we start yelling and flipping out. Do. Does she, you know, do you react or do you respond? So I think the three is intimacy. Right. And how you show up and being present. Intimacy two is creating safety with a woman. And three is your emotional control. How much control of your emotions do you really have?

Yeah, absolutely. Well, let me kind of jump back into the safety side of things because I think a lot of men would love to a little bit deeper, dive there if possible. Because, you know, we are brought up to be knights in shining armor, right? We're supposed to put them. Put on the armor, climb the castle, kill the dragon. Like, you know, that's. That's. I mean, essentially from the time we're born to the time we quote, unquote, become men, that's essentially what we're told right now. What I heard you say was, yeah, protect me if I need it, but if I don't need it, don't act like you need to protect me. Instead, make me feel emotionally safe. Now, did I hear that correctly?

Correct.

What does safety mean from a woman's perspective in regards to men, specifically? Because I feel like if someone says, hey, look, I need to be, you know, I need to illustrate safety for my. For my lady. I may not exactly know what that means coming from her. Need set.

Yep.

So always remember epic. I always say this epic. It's called my epic effect when it comes to safety. And I'll dissect all of them to answer your question.

Sure.

Emotional safety, physical safety, intimacy safety, and communication safety.

That's how you create safety. Now, emotional safety is when you have emotional control and you're able to maintain your emotions, your ability to. You have an ability to regulate your emotions. And you're not ruled by your emotions. Right. You're ruled by your consciousness of your boundaries, your values, your principles.

Yeah.

And you're not getting someone else to change because you're emotional because of X, Y, Z. And you also don't dismiss other person's emotions, but you show up. Right. And typically we can create that emotional control that. Excuse me, that emotional safety when we have boundaries. And I talk about the five principal boundaries in your life, which should be physical boundaries, material boundaries, mental boundaries, emotional boundaries, and spiritual boundaries. Because this will help you stay in line with your emotions. Because you know what your boundaries are in these five principles.

Yeah.

So when someone is telling you you are a piece of. You know what, because you're Christian, of course you're not going to stand for that. But if someone is like, tell me a little bit, I don't understand why you said this. I don't really believe it. You're not going to react and say, oh, you should know my faith and blah, blah, blah. No, you're not going to do that. You're just going to try to sit calm and explain, right? Yeah. When you have those boundaries, those five pencil boundaries in the emotional aspect of it, you are not going to be ruled by your emotions. You're able to maintain emotions. Doesn't mean that you can't be emotional. You just got to maintain them.

Yeah. So it's kind of like how it comes versus how it comes out versus how it feels, how you're filtering it.

Yeah, I think so. And just being comfortable with it. Right? Just being comfortable with it. I'm gonna share a short story. I was in a. I was in Los Angeles for one of my boot camps and I remember working at the hotel lobby and the Saints game was going on, and I remember, I don't know the rival team, but there was a Saints jersey guy at the bar, and there was another guy at the bar, and the Saints guy said something about the game at the bar to the rival team guy and he like flipped out. He lost his. You know what? He's like, man, you mother effort. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, how dare you, blah, blah, blah. And the guy's like, dude, it's just a game, dude. And he's like, f you, blah, blah. He's going off. And that moment I was like, Dang. That guy has so much emotional control because he was really bashing him and then started to insult him. Right. And he was with his wife, I think. And think it was a girlfriend. Wife. And. And he just sat there, and he was like, it's all right. Like, you're making a fool of yourself, dude. And the guy was even getting more angry because he was so solid.

Yeah.

Flinch. And guess what? The guy that had no emotional control was the one that got kicked out, and the other guy that just stayed sane was the one that got to enjoy the game.

Such a metaphor for life, right? It's a metaphor, absolutely.

That's what I'm talking about. In emotional control, it doesn't mean that you can't be angry, but it's about picking and choosing the battles. So let's go into the physical safety element, because I do definitely want to go into that, too, because that's a big one. So physical safety element is, you know, how to stand up for yourself when it comes to, like, your family, your friends.

Your relationships. You're not tolerated to be disrespected for your physical boundaries as well. And you don't look at yourself as, like, I need to validate my existence through.

Being tough. Right. And just, like, understanding that toughness comes in standing up for you and what you want, your family's relationships and loves and friends. Yeah, Right. So that's physical safety, I think. I think also a little bit of an element of physical safety is kind of like little things, like giving the woman your jacket. Just common courtesy. Right. Opening the door for her, letting her care, not letting her carry something heavy, not letting her walk on the side of the road where traffic is. I think those things are really beautiful. And those are small things, but I think those things are. Go into that.

Yeah. I think. You know, it's funny, my wife from time to time will tell me not to open the door, because I just do it all the time. She's like, stop it already. Knock it off. I'm like, babe, this is who I am. And if you think about it, I think that those aspects you just mentioned are the types of things that attracted her to me was the fact that I would give her my coat if need be, open the door if need be. You know, if I'm running an errand, hey, do you need anything? You know, all that kind of stuff. Let's. Let's pivot to the. Let's pivot to the. For the ladies benefit now. Okay, so working with all the amazing men that you've Worked through all the ones that have achieved massive breakthrough in relationships and things of that nature. What do you think the top three things that women need to know that men seldom communicate is.

Ooh, women. Men are struggling just as much as women.

Mm.

They're picking the right partners. And men do want love. Like, I don't know what is out there, because I used to be this one of these women that just believed there was no good men out there. No. Men wanted a relationship. Every guy was a player. All they wanted to do was sleep with women. Not taking that away because there's some men that are like that, and hopefully they're very vocal about it when they do and be honest. But men want relationships. They want love too. Number two in regards to that. I think.

Men don't know how to show feelings. Men don't really know how to show when they really like a girl. Right.

So.

My tip for women is if you feel. Women are very intuitive. We know when a guy is into us. Right. By the way he shows up, the way he's taken out on dates all the time, the way he's making us not carry anything heavy that I wish I like to mention.

How low his hand is on your back. Yeah.

Yep. Exactly. Makes me feel more like a woman, you know? So with that said, like, ease into it and tell him that you enjoy spending time with him.

Yeah.

Compliment him on his acts of service. Compliment him on how much you enjoy. And you. You do like him. Because I feel like that's a huge quality and an essence that a woman can bring to the table for a man. Because if we can as women. Not saying to do this for men that aren't showing up for you, this is completely opposite than what we're talking about. But I just want to reiterate that a man that's showing up, there's a huge, beautiful sexual energy essence to a woman being nurturing and being open enough to tell a man how she really likes when he does xyz, when he wears xyz, when he spends time with you. This is what it means.

Yeah.

I guarantee you women. And tell me if I'm wrong, Steven, if you can do this, that man will open up a little bit more to you.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, my wife, for example. I mean.

I'm most attracted to her when she's actually able to communicate the things that I'm doing well, that inspire her to come my direction. What I don't like as a man as a whole, and this happens in every relationships and even happens in marriage. Off and on. Right. Is not knowing where I stand.

Right.

Not. Not understanding. Hey, look, you know, because at one moment, my wife's like, you taking out the garbage is sexy. I'm like, do what? Are you out of your mind? Like, I don't. I just don't, you know, I don't really. I don't get it right. Or meet me mopping the floor is, like, cute. Or me, you know, running and helping, you know, nailing stuff in the house. Because my wife has got a very, very, very wonderful design eye. She's like Joanna Gaines on steroids.

Right.

You know, so she, you know, so these types of things, I just need to know from her perspective, hey, look, tell me I'm doing a good job. Like, don't just tell me all the time I'm doing a bad job. I didn't get this right. I didn't do this right. I didn't do this right. I said, that just makes me feel, like. Want to, like, go more and more into myself.

Yes.

Right. When she's not necessarily shining my armor, but she's saying, hey, look, that meant a lot to me. Now I know what to do again. And if she's not vocal about that, I don't know what to do again because I don't know if what I just did mattered.

Yeah.

You know, I think a lot of men get stuck in the testing phase. We're constantly testing, testing this, testing that, testing this, testing that, testing this. And I want to jump back into something else you said, because it just hit me like a ton of bricks.

The. On the times that my wife and I have struggled, it's because she wants an emotional response out of me, but it has to funnel and filter through my logical brain first.

Mm.

Right. So I've always said that you can't solve a logical problem with emotion. You can't solve an emotional problem with logic. But yet, even as a man, as I stand here today, I have no problem getting emotional once it goes through my logic. My logic module up here.

Husband's the same way.

And then it seems like most women struggle with being patient through that because they want us to meet us meet them at their need of that moment.

Yes, yes, that's very true. And now I was and still kind of am one of those women sometimes at times, because I need something, I'm like, especially being an entrepreneur and very successful, I think that comes into my relationships. I'm going to answer that question, but I wanted to finish it off with number three that you asked for, too, because I Think it was really important.

Sure.

What I'm going to say is a little bit controversial. So prepare yourself because it's not a bad thing. Right. It's just opposite of what we're training women to do. Yeah. I think women's independence is significantly important now these days. Women are making money, women are on top CEO positions. But what a lot of women are doing is they're leading with how successful they are when they're dating men. Yeah, women, this is amazing quality. Don't ever diminish that. But what I am saying is don't lead with just that. Because you know how many successful men, just men in general, complain about this to me? And I used to be one of these women where everything was like, oh yeah, I did this, I got this deal, I got this. And I show my worth through my success. Yeah, but your worth is not just in your success. And women do this because it's a huge thing for a woman to be successful in our day and age right now. So we want to show our worth sometimes in our success, but in a good way. But what I am saying is show other things besides just your success. Your hobbies, the things that interest you, that the playful element of you. Right. I think that's really important when you go on the dates as well. And you start dating when you're women, when you start dating men. And I know that probably speaks to a lot of women because I was one of those women and I noticed when it shift, it gave me a better opportunity. But here's the thing. A good man that's very successful and wants a successful woman will be a woman will be attracted to that. I'm not saying hide it, but I'm not. What I'm saying is don't lead with just that.

Yeah.

So in regards to the emotional aspect of the relationship, when she needs you to show up more emotionally and you're just more logical. I think here's a good piece for women to understand is that if we're asking for emotional safety, if we're asking for emotional control from a man, because we want safety, we have to be able to embody this at times as well. And it's always about compromising. And so you have to understand that I think big things, two things of this, Understand your partner's love language. If you haven't read that book by Gary Chapman, it's a five Love Languages, it's an amazing book. I would really encourage you to read that. And then number two is you have to do check ins. Okay. So I Look at it like this. When my partner shares something with me that I could do better, I put it in my. Like, it's literally like a notes. Like, I have, like, a note thing, and I'm like, I can't cross this out until I give myself three weeks to make sure that I'm not doing this again. I need to make sure that I'm not doing this for a month again. So why don't be. So it's not a habit. Right. So I think if we can just really look at this and we get to the issue of what she needed from you, you put it on your logical mind as, like, a Rolodex, and you put it down in your notes, and you say, she needs me to give her my jacket. I don't know. Give me her jacket. Right?

Yes.

That's constantly in your mind. So you're showing up, I'm going to do this for a month. And then it becomes. I'm not kidding, a habit. But then what happens? Because you're giving yourself a month timefra. Your partner, in turn, will say, wow, ever since you did this, you've been really giving me your jacket. And then the reassurance also secures you to give you that boost of confidence to be like, wow, I did this. Wow. It changed. Wow. She opened up. Wow. Now I know. Now I know I can do this. Now it's like it's a whole shift. So that's the practice I would always say to do because it works for me, and I've had that done with clients. But also, be patient. You know, you got to talk about a timeline. You got to talk about expectations. You know, I think for a man, a powerful thing to do is when a woman does say something to you about this is. Can you, okay, this is what it looks like for me to give you my jacket. Is this what it looks like for you? Right. Because trust can look like different things. So, okay, this is what trust looks like for me, and you explain it. Does trust look like the same thing for you?

Yeah.

Right. So you got to get the clarity on what it means first. But the way you get clarity is you share what it means to you first, then have them respond on what it means so you can meet in the middle. And then I'd say, all right, do you think that you can wait for about. About a week or two weeks to shift a change? Because I need to kind of let it sink in and plan. Can you give me about a week or two? And she confirms?

Yep. Yeah. Get it done. Get it done. Well, I know we're a little bit over on time. I got at least one more question for. I'm having such a good conversation. I think men all over the world and even women can get a lot from this conversation. There's a lot of what I refer to as the quote, unquote, unspoken prayers of relationship that are being spoken today. Right. So that's always a good thing. I want to hit on the importance or your perspective on how quickly someone should know basically in the relationship before they should re. Enter another one. Like what. What do you kind of timeline do you think is good, bad? What kind of things need to happen during that timeline? Like, how do. I mean, it was a huge shift for me. Like, I had to. I had to have a season of going without for a while, just in general, like relationships in general, to get myself together. And I know, I see. I see people all the time, men and women who are constantly jumping into the next relationship. So what are you seeing that works really well in your practice?

Yeah. I definitely think if you're constantly jumping to relationships, that means you're running away from something. And I talk about that a lot in my videos. To be careful with men and women that are doing that because they're seeking validation through someone else's existence and they're not comfortable with their own oneness. That's like my motto. But here's the thing, too. There's a caveat. Because I've done coaching for so long, I have to be careful with that answer because it depends on who's listening and what stage in life they're in. Right. So, for example, I'm gonna give you two examples. Let's say.

You'Re a widow now, or let's say that you've gone through divorce and through those times, you know, you were a widow. Right. For example, and maybe your wife or husband was sick for two or three years. Yeah, You've, you've, you probably have mourned them by taking care of them or doing things and had the conversations that your wife and husband was like, you, I want you to move on after me. We don't know. So it's okay to date after that because there's a lot of regret, a lot of shame that comes with dating after you lose a partner. Right. So that's another thing. And same thing with divorce. Right. So then in general, I definitely think if you are someone, which is majority, I'd say 80%, if you're someone that is struggling relationships, getting into the wrong relationships, and you know, that every relationship is literally like an anchor. It's not an engine for you. And you've left the relationship feeling so lost, feeling so hurt, so much in pain. Maybe you've had obsessive thoughts in your relationship. Maybe you became codependent. Maybe we have attachment. Maybe you have love addiction. Whatever it is, you'll know. You know when something doesn't feel good.

Yeah.

I always say this. I took six months off of dating.

Yeah.

I always tell people you need to take at least a good three months off to get to know who you are and, and not jump into another relationship. I think a three month mark only if you're contributing to you and hiring a coach, hiring stuff, I mean hiring people that are going to support you, listening to videos that are going to support you and really developing in that space is three months is a really, really good place to start. And sometimes people are just so happy with themselves. They're like, I don't know if I really want to start dating yet. I like this. Yeah.

My, my wife told me one time that her mother knew when it was time for her to or she was ready when she finally said, you know what? I don't really need anybody to be happy. I'm happy with me.

Yes. Same thing happened to me.

Yeah. And I think that that's a key indicator, you know, if you feel like, you know, you're, you're in a position where you've, you, you are chasing validation and some, you know, in other people, then you'll keep chasing until you've actually done the work and the work is uncomfortable. It's not necessarily all that fun. But it's so worth it in the end. It is so worth it.

Oh, and how about. Exactly. And how about that test? What did you call it that comes before the real thing? What is it?

Oh yeah, yeah. The counterfeit.

The counterfeit. And be careful because when you do the work, because I've had a counterfeit, I passed before I found my husband. But when you do the work and you grow, God, universe, whatever you believe literally will bring you the test, the counterfeit and say, let's see if you're really going to show up for yourself.

It's a hard task to sometimes pass, but you will and you just stay aligned for what you've learned. And then if you pass that counterfeit, the real thing comes.

Absolutely. I mean, I think if you spend enough time in what I refer to as the fasting phase where you are staying away from dating to work on you the things that really would encourage you in a spouse or a partner or whatever begin to show itself. You know, we talked on the show that we did together about making that list. So we don't have enough time to jump into the list making process today, unfortunately, if we. I could talk all day to you about this, about relationships specifically, and I know how important they are to each and every one of us. You actually have a mastering confidence mini course that I think every single man could actually enjoy and actually get a lot from. How can they find that, find out more about you and possibly enjoy working with you?

Yeah, just go to my website, ApolloNoniaponte.com. no matter how you Google it and spell it, it'll still come up. So don't worry. It's ApolloNiaponte.com and Google my name, my YouTube channel, my programs will show up as well. Just go to my website, hit products or coaching and you'll see everything in there in regards to. To. I mean, confidence, attraction, friend zone, saving your relationship, online dating, I mean, everything we're actually program for. It's called the Man's Guide after divorce as well. So. Really want to hit on everything?

Yeah. It's so good. So good. Guys, you heard it. Go check out Apolloni. You got to do it. There is a ton of content. They're all focused on helping you find the life or the woman that maybe means the most to you and actually getting yourself together. And ladies, I hope you also enjoyed some of the content as well. Hopefully Apollonia was able to talk, talk to everybody and basically say, yeah, that's totally the thing I wanted to tell them, but I didn't really do it right. So, Apolloni, it's always a joy hanging out with you. I can't thank you enough for taking some time out to spend some time with me today.

Oh, thank you so much. I had a great time. I love talking to you, so thank you for having me.

All right, we'll see you again. Take care.

Yeah.

I hope you enjoyed that interview with Apollonia. And if you did, I know you're going to love this one, so make sure you check it out.

Me admitting that I wasn't in pain or being vulnerable didn't make me weaker. It actually led me to my strength.