Watch This To TRANSFORM Your 2024!

Forgiveness and trust are not the same thing.

Confidence comes from consistently sticking with commitments you make for yourself.

The way we're conditioned as a society, we many times do not locate that best version of ourselves as men.

This concept is not new that you are the sum of the people you hang out with. But I think people hear it and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is real.

To do this work, you've got to go through the fire.

Surrender is the most powerful thing that you can do.

If anybody isn't working on their eq AT iq eq Emotional Intelligence. You need to.

Before you do anything, any lead any sort of communication or initiate any sort of communication, you want to understand your motivation for it.

I wouldn't be able to do what I do today if I didn't first learn at 16 years old why God put me on this earth and then it took me until 36 to do it.

When you have grit, with connection, with community, that's where you become unstoppable.

If you seek to forgive, you can find forgiveness. But doesn't mean you have to forget. Doesn't mean you didn't learn a lesson. Doesn't mean you don't gain some wisdom from the experience of what not to do again or how not to expose yourself, et cetera.

Here are the things I think are important. Forgiveness and trust are not the same thing.

Okay.

You're supposed to forgive immediately and trust slowly. Like when someone's betrayed you or someone has definitely wronged you and you, you can forgive them immediately, but it doesn't mean you have to trust them. A lot of people have a hard time forgiving because they think the moment I forgive, I have to trust them.

Yeah.

Not only do you not have to trust them, you probably shouldn't if it was a deep betrayal. Second thing is, forgiveness doesn't mean an invitation back into intimacy.

Yes.

And so a lot of times people won't forgive because they think it's with. Forgiveness is an invitation to the previous relationship. Invent it's not.

Yeah.

You can forgive and say, I forgive you, I don't trust you. That's gonna have to be earned. Might take years. Yeah, I, I forgive you, but I don't invite you.

All right?

That. That previous level of friendship or relationship is no longer available to you.

Yeah.

It's not because I don't forgive you. It's because I do forgive you, but I'm moving on.

Yeah.

Then I think the third thing about forgiveness that we should all acknowledge is that forgiveness sucks.

Yeah, that's true.

Because.

It'S easy to forgive someone that's genuinely sorry.

Yeah.

It's really hard to forgive someone who isn't sorry. And it's really, really hard to forgive someone who's so arrogant and so narcissistic they don't even think they need forgiveness. Then you're like, why should I forgive them? They don't even know they're not worthy of my forgiveness. And you have to go, it's not that they're worthy of it. It's not that they deserve it. It's not that they've earned it. You just have to be free.

Yeah.

Because as long as you're bitter, you're in their story.

Yeah.

The only way to get back into your own story is through forgiveness.

Brother, I love you and I love this conversation I have. I could talk to you for days and weeks and years, and fortunately, I get to hang out with you every now and again. But you mentioned mentorship. I'll wrap up the show with this because I think it's important. I know you got a lot of folks that are after you to work with you, and I know you have limited bandwidth because I know about the businesses that you're part of. And the.

And the.

The travel schedule were the last events. You were coming literally across the world just to spend an hour with some folks. And I've always loved your heart for commitment to excellence and servitude or service of others. Talk to me a little about the arena, because I feel like that's going to be the best fit for a lot of folks that really would like to gain your wisdom and insight and, you know, have some access to you, but, you know, being in direct proportion with their commitment to personal and professional growth. So tell me why you create the arena.

Oh, well, you know, I created the arena because I still care about people who were in the early stages of their development.

Yeah, me too.

You know, and. And I. I felt like there was a tier kind of missing. Mosaic is our. Is like the free tier. Everything, you know, that I can give to you that will help you in the early stages of your development and health and wholeness is for free. You just go online to Mosaic app. It's all free. Oh, by the way, when you talk about loving to give things away, this morning, we just created something for you. It's. It's. Go to irwinmcmanus.com free.

Make it easier for me, will you?

Yeah. And we put our communicators toolkit there for people who really want to develop their communication skills and so Mosaic was free. And then I have this one on one coaching that's, you know, six figures. And it's, it's very hard. You know, obviously you don't have a lot.

You don't have, you have openings like once every seven years. So.

Yeah, so there's not many, there's just a handful. And, and, and I do it. And it's hard for me because I care deeply about people. So when I take someone on that level, I carry the stress and you know, the anxiety of their life, their success. And so it takes a lot out of you. And then we have a mastermind right now just for men. And I, it's not that I'm not interested in developing world class women leaders. I just didn't have a woman at this time that could partner with me and I didn't feel like I should do it by myself. And that's always just been kind of like my code, you know, in life. And, and so we have a men's Mastermind that's around $40,000. And so that still is fairly exclusive and only some people can afford that. So we created the arena because I thought, how do you create a mastermind that's more financially accessible and you don't have to travel all over the world. Some people just can't afford to get on a plane, get a hotel, a part of a two day mastermind. So we created the arena and we made our focus communication, leadership, character. And then it's a triangle and the big space in the middle is big ideas. Because I want to have a place where we could just talk about every big idea in the world. And so right now, so all the content I create, like the art of communication, the seven frequencies of communication, all the material is in there for free. Everything we do in our live arena conference, all the talks are in there for free. So everything I will ever create is going to be in the arena for free. Because I hate to sell. So that way the membership just solves the problem.

Just free value for the rest of your life. Enjoy.

You know, and, and then what I've been doing, even though it's not a part of the arena, because I just really enjoy investing in people, is Every Monday at 10am I go live and I teach for an hour. And in that hour I do about 30 minutes. And we have 30 minutes of Q and A with people all over the world.

Yeah.

Our newest member of the arena joined from Prague, Czech Republic.

Wow.

I mean, people coming from all over the world. It's a great community. I I'll talk about things like overthinking, how to overcome that. Honestly, on one of the sessions, I talked about the Palestinian Israeli conflict and. And how to process the media and how to determine what is actually true, what's false, and how. How to think.

Yeah.

And so, you know, I'll take an issue like that and go, I'm going to use this particular issue to teach you how to think at a higher level. And, you know, and so we try to make nothing off limits in terms of the conversations we have there. Yeah, yeah. So I would invite people to join. I think if you go to irwinmacmanis.com the arena, you can actually learn more about it. Again, anything that connects to sales, that's just really nice.

But why do you think people have such a hard time finding worth in this space, even though they might feel a yearning or a calling to kind of step into it?

Imposter syndrome, I guess, is what people call that. And it's. It doesn't discriminate. I have to say that even I was on that show on VH1, and we got to interview some of the biggest rock stars in the entire world, literally, like Slash and like the guys from Metallica and like, people that you think ooze confidence. Right. You think Rockstar, you think they don't have imposter syndrome. There again, walk on that stage. Worthy. And knowing that they've got it all going on, every single one of them would walk into the dressing room, in the makeup room and be obsessing over. Was it good enough? Was it okay? Do you like these booths or should I wear these? I don't think my makeup looks perfect here. Can we fix it? I don't like what I said there. Can you delete it? I don't think it was good enough. Was it okay? Literally. And that was my experience. I was like, whoa. Everybody poops. Everybody is a human. Everybody experiences fear. Everybody experiences unworthiness. Everybody.

And maybe that's a blanket statement, but everybody that I've spoken to that has, and I've gotten to speak and even in our industry to people that are very successful and very out there, and I say, do you ever have imposter syndrome? And they all say to me, yes, I did.

Yesterday I walked on that stage and I felt so scared.

Like, why would anybody listen to me? And I'm like, okay, so I'm not going to spread this message that you need to overcome imposter syndrome or that you. You need to feel completely and totally worthy in order to take action, because that would actually probably keep you from taking action ever. So what I talk about is, like, the law or the rule. I don't think it's a law yet. Maybe I'm gonna make it one. The rule of 51.

Okay.

I don't ever feel like I'm ever at 100 of belief in myself, ever. I don't ever take a stage where I'm like, I believe in myself 100. I'm worthy of being here.

No.

Sometimes I'm at 85%, sometimes I'm at 70, 60%. Sometimes I'm at 49%. Like, it all varies. But for me, in order to take action to that next level, I just have to believe a little bit more than I don't, like, 51% of belief. Like, I could have that doubt. I could have that fear. I could feel unworthy. I could have it. It's normal. It's. It's the human experience. But as long as I believe a little bit more than I don't, and I can get to that first action step and do it with that fear there anyway, bring the fear along with me, bring the unworthiness along with me, and I take action and I do it. When I get to the other side of that hard thing, I've just proven to myself that I'm more worthy than I thought.

Yeah.

For that is what creates momentum. So I'll never say, like, stephen, you need to completely remove yourself of that unworthiness feeling. That is not normal. You should not have that. No, it's okay to have it. It's okay. We all get it. And that just means you're stretching and growing, and that means that you're human and you can bring it along with you, and you can make it part of your story, and you can be vulnerable and open enough to tell people that you're experiencing it, and that will actually make people connect with you more.

Yeah, no, I totally agree with you. In fact, I even. Just watching your work and what you guys have been doing, a lot of our mutual friends all have dealt with that imposter syndrome. All our. We were obviously at my venue a few years back, or I guess it was that a year ago with Ed's book launch, and he was even telling people in the green room, he's like, yeah, we. We all deal with this, you know, and every. And everybody's gracing large stages, been all over the place, traveling over the place, you know, doing. Doing a lot of great work, you know, But I've. One of the things I've realized Is. I know you talk about this in the book a little bit, but is the importance of confidence through consistency and how that kind of leads us into the pocket break down kind of that, that mantra and then kind of what the pocket is so we can maybe help the audience understand a little bit more.

Yeah, well, confidence, I believe, comes from consistently sticking with commitments you make with yourself. Right, that's. And that's. A lot of people say this like, right, Confidence is self trust. It's not like something completely like brand new that I just thought of. But for me, when I think about creating confidence over time, it really is like sticking to those commitments and doing it time and time and time again. So every time I tell myself I'm going to do something and maybe that's a hard, scary thing, let's talk about maybe going live on social media. I say I'm going to do it and then I back out and I allow myself to not do it. Oh, you'll do it tomorrow. You don't feel so good today. It's okay, you don't have to do it. Every time I do that, I'm actually telling my subconscious mind that I can't trust myself to follow through. So I'm removing my own confidence within myself to follow through next time. But every single time I tell myself, you're going to do that live tomorrow, it's committed, it's in the calendar, you're going to do it. And even though maybe fear comes in and fear is like, nah, you don't have to do it today. You, you know what? You really have to do something out. Like, it negotiates. And I fight back that negotiation and I say, no, screw you, I'm going to do it. And I do it and I get to the other side and I get to my bed that night and I can say, like, I did the things I said I was going to do today. That puts more coins in my confidence bank. That makes me more confident. But you can't just do that one time and expect to become more confident. It takes consistency. And in the pocket is a term that I love to use. And we've all felt it. And some people think about it as the word flow. But I always say in the pocket. And when I, when I feel in the pocket, it's always like a moment in time in my life where like time stops. You know, those times where it's like, you could literally be doing that thing all day and you would have no idea what time it is. You don't even care. You don't have lack of energy. You keep going and you wake up. It's like you wake up from a dream and all of a sudden it's 8 o' clock at night and you've been doing it for six hours and you were like, whoa, that felt easy, that felt fun. We all have that thing. And I like to think back to moments in my life when I was the most in the pocket, because if I can go back to that moment when I was doing that thing and I can reproduce that daily, even if it's just for a few minutes, I can get really familiar with that feeling of flow and I can, I can reproduce it quicker and quicker and quicker in the future. And the more that we can spend time in the pocket, the more confidence we're going to create, more consistency we're going to create because it feels easy and fun. Like what we were talking about when we first got on here. I was like, yeah, when you're doing what you love, love, it's not hard. But if you're doing, when you're, if you're not in the pocket, it feels really difficult and you get burnt out and it feels shitty and you don't, you don't want to be consistent. So I'm always trying to get myself to do things that make me feel in the pocket. We can't always because obviously we have to do hard stuff that we won't want to do sometimes. But if we can make a choice of what we're choosing to spend our time doing, I'm like, let me do something that feels in flow, feels delicious, feels in the pocket.

Well, it seems like it. Also, with that level of consistency and making yourself really keep your commitments, you're going to take that 51 on the your, you know, in theory your worst day and turn into a 71 minimum. Just through evolution, I've watched your stage presence continue to grow and grow and grow and grow and become a dominating force in a healthy way for the audiences that are, that are watching. You know, I've watched as you and your husband and have done different events, I've watched you on stage, obviously literally say, hey, look, we're going to let our people join our mastermind. And there'd be a line out the door for people trying to join the mastermind. And I think that's because you get results just in general from everybody that I've talked to about what you guys have always done, where you guys have always leveraged yourself the best. Put all your time, put all your energy. It's always Been about helping that unseen person become seen because I. There's an interesting dichotomy of how you help people understand their own voice, which is why I love this work so much and so excited for it to come out here shortly. This book, I think, is going to change a lot of lives in the grand scheme of things, because I don't think people can. I don't think people know the process of becoming. Right. I think they get stuck in the. Maybe the stagnation of that first step of becoming, if that makes any sense.

Yeah.

So maybe I know one of the things you also mentioned in the book is this making FMO your friend, you know, so let's talk a bit about that because I feel like that's not another little stumbling block with people. Why do so many of us, especially in the, in the feminine energy, why do they struggle so much with attracting the right type of man? What is, what is the. What's going wrong?

Well, you know, I'm listening to your story and.

It'S like the, the father in you was attracted to the daughter in this young woman. And I think that, in my opinion, I'm no, no mental health professional, but I think that speaks to the engine of this dysfunction in a lot of women. They have not, many women have not had the safe and authentic love of a man that wants nothing from her. Yeah, nothing for her but her own best interests. And that's the father's kind of love. And every true man has that in him. But the way we're conditioned as a society.

We many times do not locate that best version of ourselves as men. And a broken man can only serve to break generations of women. And so when we see women who do not know how to really choose a healthy man, it's because most of them have not had that paternal example at home, which is where it starts.

Yeah, no, I think that's really important. In fact, I was, I was thinking back. I won't share my daughter's story without her, without her permission. But I know that I was very intentional when I was trying to kind of step into a father like role with her as to not even go as far as even hugging her until there was enough trust where she came to hug me. Correct. You know what I'm saying? And it's almost like with the males, she's so. She's dating a great young man now, which is fantastic.

However, one of the things that I've seen up until that point, her and other people and myself included, really, I had a heck of a Time attracting in negative type relationships early in my. Early in my, I guess, journey as well. But one of the things that I noticed was that she would attract in people that she thought could fulfill a need rather than being a whole person on the inside. Correct. Talk to me a little bit about that because that seems to be a common trend I bump into all the time.

Well, what happens is, what I've come to discover that happens in the heart of a woman is when a woman has not had the paternal deposit of a father's love, she then seeks that affirmation, that validation from her relationships with men. Well, then the story, the plot thickens. Men in most cases will only serve to disappoint, break her, disapprove of her, reject her. So then the woman is psychologically caught in a thing I call the approval trap, where, where she's constantly searching for a man to say, you're enough, I love you. You're a value. And, you know, it moves from one relationship to the next to the next. And it's, it's like the, you know, chasing the carrot. It's, it's never going to fulfill.

Yeah. Well, it also seems to me that one of the things that I've seen is when you're not getting that, I'll call it male versus male versus female energy.

Right.

We all possess both. I find that we're supposed to operate in a healthy relationship and, and probably a larger dose in one of the other.

Correct.

One of the things that I've seen specifically, and this is just across the board, is there's been confusion about what a healthy dose of male energy versus female energy and who's supposed to operate in that role or that responsibility. It's more confusing now than I think it's ever been. And I say that to say that I've seen young ladies who aren't getting the needs, getting their needs or their, their, their needs met, so to speak, they actually will step into more of a masculine position, which then tends to repel the kind of man they're trying to attract.

Correct. Correct. And. And it becomes almost an angry kind of, kind of energy that these young ladies display. And I think you said it so well. First of all, when you think about, you know, the way I was raised, at least in terms of what I was taught masculinity meant, there was no way in the world I would have ever admitted that feminine energy resides in some way in RSC Blake's. You know what I'm saying? You just don't do that.

I had to Learn the same lesson.

Yeah, it's. And honestly, to be quite honest with you, it's been hard to actually say it, even though I know it.

Yeah.

Because of. Because of my conditioning. And so, you know, as we evolve and as we grow, we begin to understand, you know, that synchronization between a man and a woman. I was just thinking about my relationship with my wife, and I watch intentionally now. I watch intentionally how my wife. My wife takes care of a lot of business for me or for us, should I say? She handles most of the business. And so I watch her, and I watch how she moves in and out of that masculine to feminine. She'll be in her office, in the house, and I can hear her taking care of business. And it's like, no, you're not going to do it this way. We're going to do it this way. And I don't want. If you can't do it the way I want it, let's just forget about it. And then she'll leave right out of that office, and she'll come to whatever part of the house I'm in, and she's like. She's like, bae, you know, what do you want for lunch? And I see how that energy shifts. And as a man, as a healthy, evolved Christian man.

I understand now that there are seasons in my life, in our relationship, where I have to serve my wife. You know, when you. We talk quite a lot about women submitting to men.

Yeah.

But submission is a fruit. While the honor of the man is the root, it's the seed that. That gives birth to the fruit. And so even in terms of leading my. My home, leading my family, there are occasions where I recognize that my wife is best in leading this particular aspect, and I submit to that, and I allow my wife to lead. But I think today, because there is such a confusion and this thing relative to masculine versus feminine energy has been sexualized. So men feel like, well, feminine energy is for a woman, and women feel like, well, masculine energy is for a man. Not realizing that we always vacillate in and out, but not necessarily in healthy ways.

There are things that I do, places that I go, people I see or don't see.

That either feed me or don't feed me. And for me, it seems like it's one of those things where it's like, okay, well, if I'm going to grow, maybe I should hang out a little more over here than over there. Talk to me about the importance of an environment in your. In your transformation.

So I love this Concept is not new that you are the sum of the people you hang out with. But I think people hear and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is real. And it's. It's the people, it's the spaces, it's the places, it's the thoughts you put in your mind. Like, environment goes beyond. I write about this. Than just people or just your environment. Your environment is what you create. So what are you creating a healthy environment in your mind?

Yeah.

Are you creating a healthy environment where you walk in? I share about a company that when I walked in, they. They could not get their people motivated.

And.

But when I walked into their entryway, it was gray and dark and lifeless. And I was like, who wants to walk in here? It's so not aesthetically pleasing. I'm not even motivated to come in to help you. I was like, when I come back, I want all of this painted changed. Sure enough, they painted it. They had candles, they had cookie. I mean, and every office was painted. And everyone started showing up better. Why? Because their environment got better. But I want people to understand, whether you're at a cubicle in your house, it could be a little shack. Make it so that it's something that inspires you. When you walk in, you don't have to have a lot. You just. My parents, we lived till they just passed in this little mighty 1400 square foot ranch. We didn't have the money to go to a bigger house. But my mom, when she could, she'd re wallpaper or she'd paint something. She'd go to the dollar store, she'd go to the thrift shop. She would just always be making the environment. So it didn't matter. We literally had the priest of our church. We had congressmen come. Everyone came from the barbershop because my mom's Italian, come over to eat. But I mean, anyone could come over. And this little house, everyone felt so welcome. It was just enjoyable. So a home or a space is something that your energy and how you create it makes people feel a certain way. Well, it makes you feel a certain way. By the way, your car, your locker room, everywhere is a definition of what you want to feel or how you want to feel. So if there's clutter everywhere, you're mentally cluttered, Clear the clutter. Physically, mentally, emotionally clear the clutter. Make the environments great. And I was sharing earlier. I just spent this week in Idaho this past couple of weeks. And the people I spent it with are optimizers like I am. So we were infrared. We Are in the infrared sauna. We were cold, plunging. We were making our shakes. Because I was around the people that I know I level up with. I was healthy and happy. Now, if I was around different people that ate poorly every day, gossiped all day, were negative all day, that's an environment. That one I wouldn't stay in. So that's not gonna be my tribe. But it would bring me down. So I need people to really understand. If you want to bounce back, if you want to keep going the next level, look at your environments right now. Start with your house, start with your cubicle, your office, the people around you, your thoughts. Start taking inventory. I write this all out. What do you need to take inventory on? Write out what needs to be changed and change it because you cannot go ahead. That's a mental weight. And you got to release that weight.

To go forward to do this work, you've got to go through the fire. To become someone who can make a difference in someone's life, to impact their life. To be a change agent, you have to go through a lot of difficult change yourself. And you're going to be refined along the way. This is the curriculum we must go through. This is the fire are the test.

Yeah.

Everyone goes through it. And guess what? It's going to make you stronger, to make you wiser, more humble and better. This allows you to be used by God to make a difference in this world. And I think so many people, when they're going through challenges, they don't want to face it. But I always ask my audiences, have you gone through a tough time? Have you. Have you gone through challenges in your life?

Of course.

Everyone raises their hand.

Yeah.

Did it make you stronger? Everyone says yes. We. We wish we weren't this strong now because we had to go through all the things. Everyone agrees it made you stronger. Think about the tree that has been pruned or the bush that has been pruned. It looks like it's been destroyed, but it hasn't been destroyed. The pruning is meant to help it grow more fully.

Yeah.

All that. It's meant to be. You're going to be pruned on this journey. I wrote a book. The seed part of the growth process is to be pruned, to grow more fully, to be who you're meant to be. And Stephen, you had to go through that pruning during that time. You had to go through that fire to become who you're meant to be.

Yeah. It's funny, I was just thinking, TD Jakes used to Say, new levels, new devils. And I've, I've had numerous fires that have produced numerous blessings. You know, later, like, you don't, you don't, you don't see them in the moment. You don't, you don't feel them in the moment. It's not until after it occurs that that kind of shakes out. I am curious what made, what makes now the time for the one truth? What, like, what are you seeing in the marketplace? What's stirring in your heart? Like, like, I remember I told you at the very beginning, I'm like, I feel a movement coming on, and I can't put my finger on it.

There is a movement and it's the one truth. This is going to, I really believe, create a movement. After the podcast with Ed, the response we got with the response, I've gotten a few talks just recently talking about some of the principles. Doing this with you now, this is the time. Like, God always has the ideas come at the time they're meant to come. And I truly believe this is the time for this movement to make it all one, to bring it all together. This is not about a religion. I'm not trying to explain Christianity, people. I'm explaining Jesus to people.

Yeah.

And think about the story of the garden. Adam and Eve in the garden. That is a story of separation of man and women from God. They're being separated because they believe the lie. They didn't follow God. They're now doing it on their own. And what happens? They get separated from God. That is not a Christian story. That is an ancient Jewish story explaining the separation and the problem of separation before Jesus even walks the earth. So think about that. The truth is already there. So the truth doesn't need Christianity to exist. It doesn't need the Bible to exist. It already existed before there was a New Testament. So this problem of separation was there. But the New Testament comes along and actually explains the solution to the separation. And then Jesus walks to Earth and we actually see what the solution is.

Yeah.

And they, oh, so it was always there. Like, God literally had it there for us to see. And what I do in this book, and I make it clear, it was all there. The truth is there. The Bible and Christianity just explains the truth that we also just know deep down in our heart that there's a longing for a connection with the creator of the universe. And we know that we have a wound. We know we need to be healed. There is a hole in our soul. H o l e God wants to make us whole. W H o L E. And that is the ultimate truth. And so once you understand that, I truly believe this is the time for healing. Because so many people have trauma, so many people have wounds of the past. They're allowing their past to define them. And God is saying, no, now is the time that you're going to realize it's meant to refine you, not to define you. I am meant to heal you. I am meant to help you grow. I am here to love you and for you to receive this love. And I know that this is the time I truly feel like I am put on earth. And I was put on earth to teach positivity, to teach optimism, to teach what I taught, which was very innovative at the time of positive energy and the research on gratitude and positive psychology. Many of my ideas have helped countless companies and organizations and sports teams and athletes and kids, you name it. I really believe, though, this was the message I was meant to have right now.

Yeah.

Go to the next level. And people come up to me after talks. Wow, John, I thought you're gonna talk about your usual stuff. This is like at a whole other level.

It's a whole other level and a whole lot deeper.

But what's cool is this whole other level explains the level I was teaching. See, the first part of the book is just high state of mind, low state of mind, which is a very understandable level, even though it's deeper.

Yeah.

And then. Then in book two of the book, see, I broke it down to three books. Book two, I actually share oneness and separateness and all the examples of oneness and separateness. Like ego stands for edging God out.

Yeah.

So when someone has an ego, they're edging God out because they're trying to be God, so they get separated from God. So it actually explains that ego is not actually the enemy. Feeling separate is the enemy. Then the ego arises because you feel separate. If you felt connected to God, you actually wouldn't have the ego arise like it does. So I explained all these little nuances of things and why oneness training, actually, I think, is the next evolution of training. I think diversity training has been helpful. I think it helps a lot. But really, I believe that even more powerful is. Is oneness training. Because we need to realize how that. How we're all connected rather than connected and see each person's uniqueness. But to know it that the soul level, at the spirit level, we're all connected. So let's get oneness training. So I explain all these things in oneness and separateness and in book three, then I go and explain how the one truth can be explained from a biblical standpoint. And again, I tell people, I'm not trying to convince you of Jesus, but when you understand the one truth, he actually becomes undeniable. When you understand that there's oneness and separateness and you understand that we have wounds, who's going to heal the wound, Stephen? Who heals the wound that we have in our soul?

That's right.

Meditation doesn't heal the wound. It gives you temporary relief and makes you feel better. I was a meditator. I was seeking all the answers. And I was 35 years old, struggling with anxiety and angst and depression and just trying to find my way and looking for everything. Ultimately, I gave my life to Jesus.

Yeah.

And when I did, when I did, that began the journey. But I look back, I didn't just give my life and say, okay, Jesus, I accept you. I started taking walks of gratitude every day. I started a success journal. I was tuning my mind into a higher frequency. Can I give you the acronym tune?

Yeah, absolutely.

It's a great takeaway. This is practical for people if they feel like this is deep. I want to give you something practical you can use. And I actually share this in the book as well. T U, N E. This is how we tune our brain, which is an antenna to a higher frequency thought instead of a lower frequency thought, which is a negative thought. So how do we tune to a higher frequency? We trust and we speak truth to the lies. Dr. James Gills. We speak truth to the lies on a daily basis, and we trust in God. You, we'll get to you in a second and neutralize the negativity. Andy said, I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.

Nice.

Anytime those negative thoughts come in and fear comes in, I'm not going to believe the lies. Yeah, those lies will tell you things about yourself and your future that just aren't true. So I'm not going to listen to the lies anymore. I'm going to speak truth to the lies. I'm going to trust and speak truth, and that will neutralize the negativity along the way. So I'm going to win the battle of my mind and not allowing negativity when I'm going to make sure positivity wins. And that moves to E, which is elevate your thinking. When you appreciate, you elevate. You can't be stressed and thankful at the same time. As I said earlier. So you're appreciating, You're Elevating your mind. You're actually tuning into a higher frequency. You're having belief and optimism along the way. And we see the power of belief. What you believe determines what you become. And we've all started to believe something more positive As a result of that, we become it. If you believe you're not worthy, if you believe you don't deserve success, if you believe you're a failure, if you believe you're a loser, that's the life that you will create. And too many people believe that. And that's the life they create. No, you have to believe it in order to achieve it, receive it, and create it. Right? Yeah. So I sound like Zig Ziglar there, but that's the key there. Laughing. Because you're like, I heard that before. You got to believe it to receive it. So you. You believe it. That's. Elevate. Elevate your thinking. Mindfulness meditation. Elevate your thinking as well. So if you're a fan of that, great. And I'll get to you in a second. But you have something you want to say?

Well, I was just thinking to myself, like, I had this weird epiphany not long ago because, you know, when I first started meditating, instead of. Not instead of, but in. In conjunction with praying, I started getting a lot of flack from the Christian community. Like, well, meditating is New Age. I'm like, when I go to read the scriptures, what I see is the word. Pray in the spirit.

Yes.

To me, praying in the spirit is equal to or the same as meditating, where if I'm praying out loud, I'm kind of praying to say, but I'm meditating to listen, if that makes any sense.

Yes, I really believe that. I've read books on contemplative meditation, contemplative prayer, which is a Christian version, a Christian version of meditation. And so when we're doing that, the key is intention. What is my intention? Am I trying to connect to nothingness, or am I connecting to everythingness, to the creator of the universe? What happened to me was, this is a cool story for people. I would meditate, and I was practicing Buddhism in many ways, and I started to see a glowing cross. And so that's why I have no judgment on anybody. We're all on a journey. So Christians don't judge people. They're on a journey. So here he was, meditating, seeing now a glowing cross, like, what is going on? And Jesus was literally come in. Same thing happened to my wife, who was a New Ager. And my wife didn't see a cross, she saw Jesus. Jesus came in in her meditations. Why? Because in that moment of silence when we're finally still in the power of stillness, God can finally connect to us. We have all the noise, all the distractions, all the stuff that keeps God from connecting to us. It's like we have this static. Like think about, I have two hands up, they're separate right in between the two hands that are up, like a gold post and a field goal, football field, there's space in between. Static comes in those spaces. But if you can get those two goalposts to come together as one. Yeah now the signal is going to be really clear. So I really believe when you're meditating you're allowing the signal to get more clear, more fine tuned. And now you allow God to start coming in in your meditation. So to me, when I meditate, it's, if I meditate now, it's more like just finding silence to allow, allow God to speak to me and listen to his voice and to hear Him. And I'm wanting to connect with, with the love and creator of the universe. And that's the way I see meditation. I also pray and so on my walks of prayer I'm always, I'm trusting, I'm crying out to God, I'm praising, I'm, I am repenting. I think it's important to repent and ask for forgiveness. And I ask for God to provide for my, my, my daily needs and ask for guidance. Then I yield, I surrender. And then in that surrender I expect, I then expect God's going to deliver on his promises. I expect that he has a plan for my life. I know that I can trust Him. So I have childlike faith. So I'm always, I'm expecting and then I receive and I really believe. A lot of people, they pray, but they don't receive. They actually don't believe that God wants to give them anything or that God has the power to give them. Yeah, God wants to give us not things, he wants to give us abundance and peace and joy and love. And he wants to give us most of all, I really believe. Well, peace is probably most of all but power. He really wants us, give us power to create this world, to bring heaven on earth in this battle that's going on where it's trying to be like hell. And he wants us to give us power to make it more like heaven. But interestingly enough, that power comes from humility. Yeah, it comes from, it comes from knowing who, who is in control. It comes from surrender. Ironically, it's the world's upside down, or faith is upside down, because all the things that you think make you weak actually make you powerful. Why then, in those moments of the real power is me connecting with God, letting his spirit move through me and become my spirit. And as our spirit is now one, one spirit, I'm now acting from his power, not my own. And I'm so. I'm no longer just me. I am now one with the Creator of the universe, and I'm a new creation. What is what Jesus does, He creates a new creation in you that allows you to. To. To let go of your past and go forward and create a brighter and better future. So to me, there's nothing more exciting and powerful than that. And I'm sorry, Chanting, meditation, you know, EFTs, all these kind of techniques you can do. Tapping will not lead you to the peace that you seek. It will help and give you relief, but it will not give you restoration. There's only one that can give you restoration of your soul, and it is your Father, it is your God, it is your Creator.

Surrender, if you understand the true essence of it, is the most powerful thing that you can do. I think that surrender is really the process of life itself, and it's the password to freedom, that it is the.

Real secret to manifestation, like manifesting on a next level. It is the key to the next level of our lives. And so I think in our culture today, we have this misconception that surrender is weak, that surrender is giving up, that surrender is waving the white flag, that if you surrender, you're going to be taken advantage of, that you're going to be left behind, that you're going to be a doormat that you won't manifest unless you just, like, force and push and take what's yours and manipulate and make it happen all the time and hustle, hustle, hustle. And nothing wrong with hard work and focus and intention. But I think for me, if you really understand the real essence of surrender, like, what if you didn't get less, but you got more, like, more than you could have planned and.

Intended with the limited perspective of your ego, of your mind, of your personality, of your Persona, because really, the degree to which we are sort of locked in our ego identification, that sense of self that we believe ourselves to be, is a degree to which we were not able to see the whole picture of life and unable to see how all of the dots connect. And so surrender is a just so we can kind of set that context, it is a letting go. So we say it's a letting go of what is no longer working in your life. Is it letting go of who is no longer a vibrational match? It's a letting go of control, or I should say the illusion that we are in control. Because so many of us, we try to control things that we're not even in control of. And that's what creates suffering and anxiety, to control things that you don't have control over. And we're kind of needing to control life to be a certain way for us to be happy. And when things line up a certain way, then I'm going to be happy and feel free. But the truth is, how often does all of this out here in the external environment line up and exactly the way we need it to be happy? And even when it does, it doesn't last because the nature of life is transitory. The nature of life is impermanent. So things change.

Yeah.

And so the more we need things to fit our certain idea, the more we suffer, the more anxious we feel. So letting go of control or the illusion of control, control being that master addiction, letting go of trying to force and manipulate life to like be something that it really isn't or for another person to be what we want them to be because we think it's better for them, but they're not that. And so that's when we suffer. So it's giving up this idea of who we think we should be and how we think life should be so that we can be truly open to what is and be truly open to what is seeking to happen. And I think that's where the real freedom is. And so surrender is a. You're kind of taking the limitations off of life and being available and open and receptive. And you know, it doesn't mean you sit there and do nothing. It doesn't mean you, you're simply passive and just let me sit on the couch and yeah, eat Doritos and watch Netflix all day. You know, it might mean manifesting as.

Being still, not necessarily sitting still.

Yeah, it might mean you're like, you know what, I want to lose weight. And I'm going to have to surrender to the fact that I'm going to have to wake myself up and go to the gym and move through my resistance and I'm going to surrender to the deeper commitment rather than just the fleeting mood that I have in the moment. See to me, the old paradigm of living, the old paradigm of success, the old paradigm that many self help Books talk about, I think is a certain stage of evolution. And all I mean by that is that old paradigm is really based on the, the ego based model of living, creating a manifesting life. What do you want? Get clear on what you want, know what you want, you got to know what you want and then go make it happen. Which you can manifest that way, you can manifest amazing things that way. But often it can be limited because sometimes you get what you thought you wanted, the you, the I, that is making things happen, but you get what you thought you wanted only to realize that what you thought you wanted was not what you really wanted, it was just what you thought you wanted based on who you thought you were. But if you're not in touch with who you are, then what you think you want will sometimes be like a projection of your wound, of your ego, of your unmet needs from childhood. And it's never truly fulfilling that way.

And you're just chasing and chasing and.

Chasing and it never ends and it creates more stress and it creates, so we have to let go of that. And so the, you could say the, the I think the new way where we are being, I think humanity as a whole, like, like if you look at the last three years as a humanity, however people perceive it and whatever you think about it, this pandemic experience, we all went through it, we all live through it and here we are. I feel it's, it's like we were all thrown into a surrender seminar as a human, as a human species and I think as a humanity, we are being evolved, we are being forced to evolve into a new way of living and operating that is, that is, that is moving from an egocentric, ego based way of living, Control, control, control to one that is more in harmony with life, one that is more in harmony with nature, one that is kind of helping us evolve, to connect more with our soul, with our spirit, with our true essence. And to me the question moves from what do I want? What do I want? To.

What is it that life is seeking to express? Through what is it that the universe is seeking? What is it that God, the divine, the infinite, intelligent, whatever people may believe, what is the deepest impulse of what, what my soul is seeking to express? And kind of like catching that vision, being receptive to that vision, being obedient, being responsive, living in alignment with that deepest, most authentic truth, which may not always be what you think it is, but it will be what it's meant to be, truly in your highest. And I think that's what it is to Be in flow with your destiny. To be in flow with your purpose, to be in flow with your dharma, to be in sync with yourself and your soul. And I think that's where the, the pieces. Because you could be doing what you think you should be doing and still not be happy. Which is why many folks are not happy. They have everything.

That was my life for 10 years. 10 years. I mean, I've. I was telling somebody recently, I've done a lot of very incredible things. I've been very blessed. I've also been through a lot of garbage to kind of get here. And then that entire vision of who I thought I needed to be, what I thought I needed to achieve, what I thought I needed to obtain, all of that once received was completely meaningless.

Yeah.

Meanwhile, I noticed that when I would light up.

Yeah.

When I was in service of others.

Yes.

You know, and I feel like that that's one of the. You talked about a movement or an evolution, if you will. I think that that's where we're moving from. I think we're moving from this manipulative, self serving environment into a much higher vibration that's connected to more of the. Hey, what to your point, what can be expressed through me that can be in the service of others. And then the more we're in the service of others, it appears that the more open doors and the more we're.

In flow, coming together in community I think is powerful. And it is the thing that is not just helped me succeed in business, it has kept me sober.

And so, and having that accountability, whether it's through your health or your sobriety or your business is everything. And you know, it's one thing to connect online, it's great. And I've, I've made incredible connections online and it's amazing. But it's totally different when you get in the room and you get to meet people and you really get to experience their energy and like you said, you get to know like, and trust them. And I tell you that the real deals are made in the ballrooms in the back of the room for sure. When you're networking in the bathroom, at a conference, when you're with these like minded people there, that's where the magic happens. And people ask me all the time. I think this is probably one of the questions I get the most is Amberly, how are you getting all of these opportunities? You're all over the place. You're on that stage, you're on this stage, you're on this podcast, you're on this podcast. And I'm like, I get in the room and I'm not talking about just when I go speak at an event, if I have a friend or if I see an event, right. I'm like, oh, I've always wanted to meet that speaker or I want to be in that environment, I go buy a ticket. I just had.

Me too.

I just had Ryan Stuman on my podcast right before we got on here. I just, I don't know if you know who Ryan Stuman is. I was telling him about you, by the way. He's a hardcore closer on Instagram. We go to the same church. And I, I had bought a ticket because our friend Rebecca Zung was speaking at his event last year. So I bought a ticket, a VIP ticket, which was not. It was pretty expensive. Just saying. I bought a VIP ticket and went to his vent. Now, I went to for two reasons, three reasons. I went to support my friend Rebecca and I told her, I'll be the loudest one in the audience cheering you on. I went because I wanted to support Ryan because I know how hard it is to put an event on and I wanted to show my support for his event. And I went because I wanted to be around other like minded people and network and meet people. Because I bought a ticket to his event. I am now speaking at his event in June.

Yep.

He's filling up a stadium of 4,000 people. So me just going to support, I was able to network and now I am speaking at his event. So when I say that's how the magic happens, that's how you build relationships. And I think success is built on relationships. And so when I started Stephen four years ago, I had written my book. It's been almost five years ago now. I had written a book. I had no social media following, I had no connections. I had started with nothing. And I just had this big dream. If I want to write a book, I want to get in the hands of people that need some hope and inspiration. And if one person reads it, then it will have given my pain and everything that I went through purpose. And I had the chance to go speak in an event. And it was the first time I met Randy Garn. And I will never forget.

Kind he was to me. He was so kind. He shook my hand and he treated me. It was like, wow, I'll never. And now he's become one of my really good friends. That event was life changing for me because I got to. It wasn't just that I got to share the stage with people that I really looked up to. I met some people at that event that have become lifelong friends. In fact, Nicole Kramer, who I met in the audience, she knew I was speaking. Like I said, no one knew who I was. She's like, do you want me to take some video of you? Everybody else, by the way, all you know, Jay, Shetty, Lewis Howes, Brenda Burchard, they all had their camera crew and their whole team. And then it was me. And this nice lady in the audience was like, do you want me to take some video with your iPhone? And I was like, thank you so much. Yes, we, we became friends at that event. She just came and spoke as a guest speaker in my Mastermind last week. So when I say that's how friendships form, that's how you get to meet like minded people, I'm telling you that energy is everything and everything is energy. And I think people need to increase their energy, their frequency. And we need that community and that connection more than ever right now. And there's one more thing that I learned through my journey is about grit. And I used to like be about all about the work hard and the hustle and I was that grit girl.

Yeah.

And I realized that grit without connection is resistance. It's burnout, it's depression, it's hitting the wall or hitting rock bottom. It's trying to claw your way to.

Whereas when you have grit with connection with community, that's resilience. That's where you become unstoppable.

What she said, what this emotional coach was, it's eq. If anybody isn't working on their eq, not iq, eq, emotional intelligence. You need to. And it's just about how you process those triggers and deal with life.

We all need to have that. So what she said to me, and I was going through it, I had.

My ex wife and my ex girlfriend getting together and really taking a shot at me. They came after my daughter, they came after my sobriety. And one thing that the unstoppable doubt me. That'll be fun. Because if you give me an enemy, a real enemy, they're done. Don't stand on the tracks when the train's coming through. So what I do is I'll do the. I'll perceive an enemy like you ever. What's that? The water boy where he says to make. Yeah, he does these things in his head where somebody's going after his mama. So I got to do something like that. They're coming after. Blah, blah. They're coming after me. So almost killed Colonel Sanders where I was Getting at was. She said, assume positive intent.

I said, how in the F. Am I supposed to assume positive intent when.

These two ladies are gunning for me? She said she put me in, you know, the. Never make assumptions. Put myself in there. They were scared to death. So they were crabs in a bucket watching me ascend, trying to pull me back down.

And they figured, hey, if he ascends.

At this level, we're no longer. I'm glad you brought that up because I know people that are close to me. Wait.

Assume positive intent.

Always.

Now, it may be crazy, but it's.

Serving them in some way.

I just want to make sure that people. So if you think somebody's coming after you, there's a reason. It's the self preservation. They may not be far along in the journey as you are. It's just when someone's coming after you. Yeah. There's a reason for it. That's. So that's what I use with all those naysayers. I know that they need love. Yeah. And I, if they saw me in person, I would hug them and I would. And I'm not a bad person. I'm not doing this to get Facebook famous or social media famous. I'm doing this for charity. So come at me, bro, and I'm.

Going to love you up.

And anybody else. And if they think that I'm taking steroids, come after me. Come work out with me. I'll be there. 5am to that point. I know I've got people close to me right now that are all in the process or about to have big life transitions. And they went to go talk to their families about, hey, this is a huge opportunity for me, whatever. And the families have basically all but said, hey, I'm praying against this, I'm praying against this. And I can. I remember when I was going through my development, you know, I told you last night, my dad's first thing response to me is, what the hell are you doing? You got no business starting a business.

Right.

And I've learned that those that love us most are, in their mind, they think they're loving us by trying to protect us. Exactly. Not realizing. I just want to, I want to point with this distinction. Family holding you down is much different than naysayers. So let's draw the distinction there.

Okay.

Family is just. Is really. That's an easier one to assume positive intent. They just don't want you to be hurt. They're not meaning malicious most. We all have that drunk uncle that's. Yeah, you're an idiot. Well, I mean, at least in my family, there were. There was that, but there was also the, the, this mentality. I've said this before on numerous shows and stuff. This, this concept that Skoggins don't get ahead, they get by. You know, I've mentioned that to me, I forgot about. I've mentioned. I've mentioned it before. You know, I was the first. There's a couple of other Scoggins now that are becoming pretty successful in their own entrepreneur journeys, which is exciting. But I was the first one in 400 years, right, that took the risk, took the gamble, and then fought through the adversity to get there. But I did that by watching the other Skagens, if you will, ahead of me try and fail for various decisions. Right. Alcohol was one of them. And the reason I say that is because you've got the situation where.

I.

Believe when the family is trying to, in theory, impede your progress, they're trying to either protect you or they're scared you're going to outpace them. And both can be true at the same time. Absolutely right. The trick is being able to trust yourself and love yourself enough to make a wise decision for yourself. Because you and I both know that to build multi million dollar. We're talking high multimillion dollar businesses, you have to, you have to basically say yes nine times out of ten when everybody else is saying no for various. This could happen. Well, what if this happens? Or what if this happens? What if this happens? What is this? What if it freaking works and I get to bless everybody with million dollar paydays? Well, I'm gonna throw you something. 1. You know where that came from, where the trust in yourself came from, was going through those tough times as a child. Yeah, I know. I survived a hundred percent of it. My dad, my stepdad tried to drown me. I survived. I somehow. He was drowning me in a tub and I somehow reached down when I was passing out and grabbed the freaking. The sink train and undid it. That's what saved my life. My sister walked in and punched my mom in the face and pulled my lifeless body out. I've been run over, I've been shot at. And just things keep happening, but I know I'm going to survive every single thing. So that's where things were happening for you. It made you tougher. Maybe some of these people haven't been put in these ridiculous, tough situations to trust themselves, because that's the biggest thing. Yeah, I know. Yeah. That I'm gonna come out smelling like a rose every time Or I'm gonna learn, and I'm gonna pivot really fast, and I. And I would. I bet the same is true for you. I have unbelievable trust. Yeah. I mean, I got another question for you. Oh, okay. All right. You got a question for me? Let's go. Another one. Sorry. No. So you're. So you. So you're. I was a small kid all the way through. I didn't blow up. I was normal until I was 15. Then I stopped growing for some reason.

I don't know why.

So I was called Smurf. Remember the Smurfs?

Yeah.

Yeah. So I was called Smurf. And I would beat up anybody that would call me that. And that made. They always call me Mighty Mouse. But so it did. Same thing. Okay, Mighty Mouse. That was my question. So. But didn't that make you tougher?

I. It did.

It did. You know, it's funny. I. This is one of those things that I learned. It served me for a while and then doesn't serve me anymore. So I let go of it is the situation of having to prove that I could outperform anyone in front of me or because I was small, because I, you know, I'm five foot five. Like, I'm not super huge.

All of that were, you know, people that were. In theory, they were six foot one and all this kind of stuff. But then I stumbled across the scripture in the Bible, and, you know, I talked about a little bit of the Bible last night. One of the things I stumble across is in. There's a First Samuel, 1617, I think it is. It's either 1617 or 1614. And it says it was talking about King David. So King David was obviously the eighth child of Jesse, and he was the forgotten son. So Nathan, who's the. Who's the prophet, comes over, and he's supposed to. He's supposed to anoint the new king of Israel after Saul. And he goes through all of his sons. He goes through all these different sons, right? He finally gets. He goes, you're missing a son. Where's the other son? Oh, you mean David, the shepherd boy? Well, he's out. He's out shepherding the sheep. Bring me David. Of course, he comes in. David's covered in manure and dust and dirt and got a stick and a staff and whatever. And he looks over at Jesse and he says, he's the one. And Jesse's like, what do you mean, he's the one?

He's the one the Lord wants to anoint.

I don't get it. These Other guys are. They're big, they're strong, you know, they're successful. And Nathan says something very interesting in First Samuel. He says, you judge outward men. You judge the appearance of men and the outward skin, so to speak. God judges the essence of the heart.

So God chooses leader based on. God chooses leaders based on the heart, not based on the accomplishment.

I always tell the men I work with that whenever. Before you do anything, any lead, any sort of communication, or initiate any sort of communication, you want to understand your motivation for it. So two good questions or a question to ask yourself is, am I doing this out of a need for affirmation? Right. Of wanting more, of wanting to get some sort of safety out of it. Right. Whether it be real or artificial.

Yeah.

Because when we look for affirmation, we don't usually. Even if we think we get it, we don't feel satisfied with it because we gotta find that safety first. So are we looking for safety outside of ourselves when we really should be looking for it within us? Or is this a desire for connection? Does this feel like a natural progression of leading the dating process forward and continuing to build in an appropriate way on the level of communication? And you usually can know this from a lens of just checking in with your gut. And this is something that a lot of men have a harder time with. Right. Because.

You'Re naturally intuitive or empathetic.

I'm not quite sure if I am feeling like this is affirmation or connection. It kind of feels like both, so. Right. And that's how you get stuck in your head and start overthinking. So it really comes down to a gut check. And I like to have my men start intuition journals. So this gut check is write it down. Right. Do you think that this is an appropriate escalation of intimacy? Does it feel like it's what you really want to do? Write it down, make whatever decision you want to make from there, and then you can start to look back and go, okay, was that intuition or. Or was that just anxiety? Was that a sense of urgency? Right. This was something my coach taught me a long, long time ago, and I'm so grateful for it. I love intuition journals. You can also do this from the lens of masculine, which is like my take on the intuition journal, which is a decisiveness journal so you can look at, okay, here's a decision I want to make. Let me the first instinct of what decision feels good to me in this moment? Write it down. Take the decision or lead with the decision that you decide to be able to look back and go, okay, was that first decision that I wanted to make, was that accurate or not? And if it was, but you went back on it, you were second guessing. Well, you need to build more trust within yourself. If it's not accurate, then you need to tap more into your intuition. And that's actually honoring your feminine energy. That's healing feminine to be able to your intuition into your body. So anyways, I digress. Back when you are leading the dating process and you feel like you want to continue to escalate communication and conversation forward, if you're feeling a lot of intensity in the beginning, right. Where it's like you guys want to talk to each other all the time, you're trying to see each other as much as possible, you want to do a little gut check here. Because as I brought up around attachment theory.

If two people have insecure attachment styles, whether it be anxious avoidant, fearful avoidant, also called anxious avoidant, it's important to pace the dating process in order to stay regulated on both sides.

Yeah.

Otherwise what can happen is one person can start to over invest and come on really strong and start kind of obsessing about the relationship getting really invested too soon, and the other person will feel that and want to pull away because it doesn't feel like there's been enough time for that person to get to know them. And. Or there might be an underlying fear of intimacy. Right. Where it feels really triggering to have someone want to get that close. And usually when there is an insecure attachment style, whether it be a fear of abandonment, intimacy, or rejection, there's also usually a level of inherent worth that's lacking. Now, I'm not saying confidence in your career, confidence in your appearance, confidence in your athletic abilities. Those are all external pieces of confidence. I'm talking about your worthiness as a human being, regardless of all those external things. So our mind immediately goes to, oh, if it was that easy to get that person, if they're leaning in this much, what's wrong with them?

Interesting, right?

What's wrong with them? Because why would they just choose me without me having to actually achieve this?

Yeah.

Because in our minds we feel like we need to be achieved and we also need to be achieving.

Yeah.

So a lot of nuances and intricacies to your question, but that gut check is really, really important in asking yourself, is this a need for affirmation? Am I coming to try to make sure that person's still there, that they're not going anywhere, that that connection is still there? Am I Avoiding some feeling that's uncomfortable within myself and hoping that having a deeper connection with them is going to solve that? Or am I in a really secure, stable, amazing place and want to share this with myself?

I wouldn't be able to do what I do today if I didn't first learn at 16 years old why God put me on this earth and then it took me until 36 to do it. Yeah, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't be able to create the impact. Every moment is adding value. What I want our audience to listen to today is, hang on, what is it that I'm going through? How does it feel? When was the first time I felt that way? Is it grounded in any truth? Is it actually grounded in facts? And then what's the value? So if I was going to learn something out of this, how is this teaching me something and what can I do with it? Because then it shifts how you feel. It doesn't feel so personal anymore. Yeah, it almost feels like, oh, hang on, there's a higher plan. And that plan is for me to experience this. So I evolve. I break the cycle of the cheating girlfriend or of the job or of the whatever. And now I can shift. Now what do I do with this newfound information? And there's the value. And so it creates separation between you and the energy. Because if you're stuck in the energy, you're going to keep feeling it, keep focusing on it, keep making the same decisions, but the minute you ask a better question, you create space between you and that energy. And in that space, you create coherence, meaning a reduction in stress. Left and right, start to communicate, starts firing neurologically, you access different parts of the brain, and a more confident version of you steps forward. The part of you that's always been there, but you've just always been running a different program. The one that says, pull your shoulders forward, hunch down, take up a little space because you're not good enough. Yeah, man, that's so good. I've always believed that.

That you are either programming yourself or you're being programmed, you know, subconsciously, you know, believe. And that come from that. Come from a. That. That place where my. I had my father, my parents, other friends not being picked for football. Like all these different things, right? Same kind of situation. And early on, you don't realize that you're actually being programmed. You think you're living life. You're you, you're. You're trusting in the value that people are speaking in you over you, through you. Ahead of time. And then I had this interesting epiphany, probably about the time I met old man Myrick, who I've talked on the show about numerous times. And he asked me one time, he said, do you want to continue thinking like your father? You want to learn to think like me, right? And I had this contrast. I had my dad, who was borrowing money, never repaying, who wasn't keeping his word, who's working as hard as he could, but still not able to keep me and make ends meet. Meanwhile, I had a very generous, wealthy, very wealthy entrepreneur who I've seen do extreme acts of generosity. And it was the first time that I ever stopped and thought that I had a choice, like I actually had a choice about how I would show up or how I could show up in the world. And at the core of it, I realized that I needed to bring the subconscious consciousness. So rather than living out of automation, I started living out of direction. And, you know, one of the. One of the mantras that I use as part of my meditation process, I pray and meditate, kind of do a hobby or both, is I'm healthy, I am wealthy, I am wise. I'm a steward of the most high. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am wise, I'm a steward of the most high. Because it's. To me, it's a. It's cool to be healthy and wealthy and wise, but only if it's the act of service. And by being a steward of the most high, it flips the act of service. The reason I share that. That quick story is because in creating that expanse where your energy, when your. Your soul's resonance can. Can raise, you're also doing it from a place of love and acceptance. So accepting yourself for who you are, but more importantly, like I mentioned during Amberly's event, is. Is tying your emotional intensity to your aspirational identity, your future. You talk to me a little about the importance of where you focus your attention and your energy and how that trans. How that helps us transition quicker to a higher level of vibrational resonance. Man, I love your questions because they are layering from one thing to the next to the next. So let's touch on something you just said before we answer that question. Man, everything you just said so beautifully. And I hope people start using the same mantra, pray and meditation, because I feel like it is a prayer, so. And all of that wouldn't be possible if you didn't first ask that question. Remember I just said a moment ago, we need to ask more empowered questions. And you said, oh, I didn't realize I had a choice. And in saying, hang on a minute, I have a choice. That's a question like, do I have a choice? I have a choice. And then saying, okay, how do I want to feel? That's another question. It's another empowered question. It's another choice. And in that moment, you're 100% conscious and intentional. And at some point in time, you need to make the choice to come up with your own prayer. And then you needed to do it again and again. And that's commitment. That's the fourth part of change that's very necessary and required. And now, all of a sudden, we're shifting our life in a very different way. And you're demonstrating it so beautifully. I love that. I hope you liked that video. And if you did, make sure you check out this next video right here.

Whenever couples come to me, you know, or anybody, individuals, and they say, oh, I'm struggling. And they always say it's communication. Every time, it's because it's like treating the symptoms and not the cancer.