What Wholeness Is and Why It Matters | Kelly Chase

I get a phone call and they, hey, is this Kelly? This is so and so from Kinetic content Casting. Are you still single? I am. I feel like I'm the girl that's going to be the one that changes them or makes them not be a fboy anymore or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

With all of that said, I started to realize I'm like, nothing is changing.

I felt just very disconnected from myself and I didn't know it at the time. Are you sad about this relationship because you're like so in love with him and you can't think about not being with him or is this pain, the pain of rejection?

Yeah.

And I was like, wow.

Until you are whole in self, you'll never be whole in a relationship. 100 out of curiosity, what was the selection process like? Were you chasing boys or just chasing love?

Hey, guys, welcome back to Build, where we teach you how to rise lean last. I'm super excited we have a one of a kind guest. It's not often that we get TV personalities on the. On the show, as well as thought leaders who have been there, done that, got the T shirt, and want to teach you how to avoid the same kind of mistakes. Kelly Chase is also the host of Chase Life, and I want to invite you guys to check that out on a regular basis. But, guys, help me welcome to the stage Ms. Kelly Chase. What's going on?

Hello. Thanks for having me.

Oh, I'm super excited. Like, all right. So I'm actually. We can talk about the show.

Yeah, but you're.

But you're a reason I say that is because you're multifaceted. Yeah, you really are. And I think a lot of times, and I know this is something that I read up on a little bit, you know, there's a lot of things that come with being on a TV show, you know, during. During the show, filming, after the show, films and airs, and then life after that. Yeah, right.

Yeah.

And I want to circle back through it and kind of interweave some stuff here, but one of the things I want to talk about, if that's all right with you, is the word wholeness. I was just recently on stage at a good friend of mine's event called FounderCon. And I was sharing my girlfriend that I was on stage in the middle of the presentation, wasn't even thinking. I was in total flow. In total flow. And out of nowhere I say, I am whole.

And the audience began to cheer and cry at the same time. And I was like, I wish that for you guys. Right. And I know you've been on a journey of finding deliberate wholeness. Yeah. So I'd love to hear just your maybe a little bit about your journey. Your journey, because obviously there's lots of ups and downs. Share as much or as little as you want, and then maybe some of the takeaways that you've discovered in this pursuit of wholeness. Yeah.

Thank you. Gosh. I mean, first of all, I felt just very disconnected from myself. And I didn't know it at the time. My whole 20s, I.

Was. I mean, I felt like I was just living life, like everything was fine. I, you know, I got the job, had a couple boyfriends in between, had, you know, I launched my health coaching business back in 2013, so started doing that as more of like a side hustle. But I. It was like I was between two worlds in a sense. Like, I was very productive, felt, you know, successful, quote, unquote, throughout the week, Monday through Thursday, more or less. You know, I'm waking up early in the morning. I taught spin classes for a duration of the time. Yeah, yeah.

Makes me want to just stand up and start pedaling.

Right.

But, you know, I would get up early, work out, go to work all day, come home, maybe coach some clients, put some things together, put, you know, new playlist together for my spin classes, that kind of thing. But I also was.

All right, joke. Just side note, just for fun, I was joking around the quest off air. Did you have any fat boys in the. In the list? No. Okay. All right.

Not really.

I was. I was showing my age a little earlier because. Okay, go ahead. So I apologize.

But I just. I was very, like, productive. I was always kind of doing, like, side hustles, that kind of thing.

And then I would Friday through sometimes Sunday, or even Thursday night through Sunday sometimes I just was, you know, socializing, binge drinking, staying up too late, probably. You know, I couldn't say, like, I don't know if I was like an. I wasn't an alcoholic per se, but I was definitely drinking a lot.

And it wasn't like I had. I had a really bad breakup in 2013. 13 at the end of 2013. And.

I got to a point where I was like.

We had talked about doing a bikini competition for me. Like, I've always, like, I feel like I'm a very fit person now. And I was a very fit person then, but because my ex boyfriend at the time encouraged me or my boyfriend at the time had encouraged me to do those things when we broke up, I think just something kind of like, went off in my head to be like, oh, well, maybe if you get like, even more, like fit or shredded, like, he'll want you back. I don't think that was, like a conscious thought. I just think that that's, like, what was driving it. Right. So I started.

I guess, like, Googling. I went to Google. I didn't hire a coach. I didn't hire a coach. And my coach was Google coach, Google, coach, Google. You know, bikini competitor workouts, bikini competitor diets. And I started to do that, you know, and it's like super setting and sprinting on treadmills and all of the crazy stuff. And also eating, you know, chicken breast, flaxseed egg whites, sweet potato.

Actually kind of like my diet, like, yeah, it is my Notice all the goodies we have are mostly healthy.

Yeah, wholeheartedly. But I actually started because I was like, I guess cutting calories in a sense again. I didn't need to. But I lost weight. I got down to 99 pounds, which I'm not. I mean, I'm only about 110 right now, but 99 pounds is tiny. Five pounds up or down is a lot for. For a short girl.

Everyone was very concerned about me. They're like, she, like. And I always brush my teeth. So after lunch I would go brush my teeth. I was working. People are like, is she bulimic? You know, just throw it up in there. But I got very tiny, went to the doctor, got some blood work done, all the things. And I passed out getting the blood work done. I now have a very impaired vagus nerve because of it, from that situation. But I continued after that to. I mean, they didn't really find anything. They're just like, I don't know, like, I really don't know what's going on with you. Anyways, I continued to, like, eat the same workout, the same. I started to gain weight after that. Long story short, I gained nearly 40 pounds.

Wow.

Yeah. It was thick.

I say that because everyone, Everyone, like, people will be like, you're not. And I, I really don't love the word fat. I don't. I hate it. But people are like, you're not fat because you work out so much. Like, you are thick. Like, you're like, you're bulky.

Yeah.

And I'm like, well, I don't want to be bulky. Like, that is not an attractive term for a female. So anyways, I found that I was basically self abandoning. I mean, I really was. I was abandoning myself that whole time. I found some, like, beachbody coach that that's how I started my like weight loss journey. She was like, you know, 2030 minute workouts instead of two hours in the gym and you got to start eating more food. And so I started doing like beachbody programs. And sure enough, I started to lose the weight. I was definitely. And I wasn't teaching spin anymore. I was literally only focused on the beachbody program. So that was very much like a lifesty saver for me. But then it was like still things weren't. I still wasn't happy. No, right. I was losing myself constantly in guys. Like after that ex boyfriend and I broke up. So like for five years from 2013 to 2018, I really was just or 217 more or less. I just kept, you know, chasing the boys and almost like were you chasing.

Boys or just chasing love? Like the perception of love.

Probably love. I mean I felt very fulfilled with like friendships and, and whatnot. But it's like, you know, guy would show me attention, I would be like, oh, you know, he likes me. And. But there was like never really date ting. Like we never really went on dates. I say prematurely would hook up with them because I just didn't, you know, I just people pleasing. I didn't want to get rejected, that kind of thing. And at the end of the day I still got rejected because they didn't want to be with me and had one relation. He kind of had like a fling with a coworker. And after he was also like, I can't, you know, we work together. And I'm like, well, I'll quit. I'll quit this work. Like it's fine. I've been here forever.

I don't need a financial future. It's fine. As long as we could be together. I got you.

Like I'm so goofy. But.

But anyways, it was probably 10 months to a year that I mean we sleep literally sat across from each other. And so I am. It's like emotional cutting every single day that I was going to work. We happened to both put in our two weeks notice about the same time.

Oh wow.

So he did it first and I was like, dang it, you can't like leave me. We were on the same team. So I'm like, if we both go, like there's one team member left.

Yeah.

But anyway, so I was like, no, I have to choose me. I have to do this. So. And I was getting, you know, with like my coaching clients from health coaching. I was like, I can do this. And like personal train. Like I need, I just need to pursue this entrepreneurship thing.

Yeah.

And so I. But with all of that said, I started to realize I'm like, nothing is changing. Like these last five years, I've literally been doing the same thing. I get up every single day, I go to like, I work out, I go to work, I come home, I'm preparing for a coaching client or a class or I'm bartending or I'm doing something to add more money to my bank so I can like keep up with the Joneses. I'm binge drinking on the weekend, I'm losing myself. And guys, I'm not getting closer to anything that I'm wanting in life. You know, I don't have a boyfriend. It's been five years. And so I was like, everything has to change. And so I left corporate America in 2017. Granted, I'm. I've been back in and out of it since, but I left in 2017, pursued my coaching and personal training and I swapped going out on the weekends to reading personal development books and listening to podcasts. And I literally have read more books in the last seven years than I have in my entire life.

Yeah. And it's called awareness.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so much personal development. I think I've read maybe like three just fun, enjoyable books in the last few years. And I'm like, okay, that was like a nice thing. But I always come back to like studying the mind and just the self help books altogether. But when. So 2018, I we filmed Love is Blind. We started to film the show. When I got done filming, out of.

Curiosity, what was the selection process like?

So for me it was interesting. Everyone was poached because it was a new show. It was like pilot season for us. So everyone got poached like through Instagram or Facebook or TikTok, I guess. But me, I, the ex boyfriend from 2013, he. It was like maybe 2014 or 15, I received a text message from him and we were like, mutual friend. Like, yeah, you know, I was the girl who broke, like ended the relationships with the boys and was like, I'm cool, I can still be your friend.

Which didn't work because nobody doesn't work. Every time he brought a new girl around, I was like cutting. It was terrible. But I was still just like, I'm cool, I'm fine. Like, maybe if he sees that I'm cool, like, he'll want to be with me again.

Abandonment and self denial.

So crazy. But anyways, he sent me a text. Text, like, hey, I got a call from a casting Team about this dating show in Atlanta. I can't do it because of my job, but I gave them your information. There's a part of me that was like, thank you. Like, like, they don't think I can find my own, like, love. But that was back in like 2014, 15. And that was for the show Married at First Sight. And I had interviewed. I went through all the Skype interviews, all the things, and got the contract for that. And I read the fine print and I was like, nope, yeah, not doing that.

Now I'm curious about the fine print.

Yeah, I mean, he was basically saying, like, if you. Because Meredith first sight you. The first episode you film is you walking down the aisle to marry this stranger.

That's the first episode.

Yeah, apparently. I've actually never watched the show, but I'm.

I mean, I've watched the show, but it doesn't seem to start off at first sight.

Yeah.

But, yeah, you walked on the aisle to meet to marry a stranger and.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah. So I like, read. But it was basically saying, if you commit to this and you back out before that, like, you will owe the company, like, X amount. And I was like, well, I don't have that amount, so can't take that risk. Yeah, no, but we're trying to break.

That pattern, by the way.

Yeah, no, no, no. So, yeah, I just said no to that opportunity. So fast forward four years later, 2018, and I get a phone call. And I usually did not at the time pick up random phone numbers, but for whatever reason, the caller ID said Santa Monica, California. And I love California. And I was like, this sounds like one I want to answer. And so I did. And they, hey, this is Kelly. This is so and so from Kinetic Content Casting.

We have this new idea, this love show dating show. We're going to start filming in Atlanta in a few months. We had your file from last time. Are you still single? I am proud. Yeah. Yeah, I am still single. But yeah. So we filmed 2018 and things. It was like, it was such an intense situation and experience for seven and a half weeks, nearly eight weeks. And I had taken time away from my coaching. Like, I put everything on pause to, like, focus on the show. And I was in an understanding with the guy. We did not get married on the show, but.

But you basically got to the end of the show.

Yeah, yeah, we were at the altar for sure. But we had agreed, like, kind of, you know, whatever happens, we're gonna continue dating afterwards. I mean, we both were, you know, saying no at the altar. But yeah, we thought about dating at the end. And the day, the last day of filming after the weddings, he broke it off basically. It was like, I have to get back to normal life. And which in hindsight, I'm like, okay. He was just, like, very self aware and knew that he needed to, like, disconnect from the show and everything. And, like, if we're meant to be, it'll happen, right? But for me, I'm like, I. I come. I was able to compartmentalize all the show stuff and my feelings for you, whereas I guess he did not. And therefore, we ended things. But I felt very rejected again. So there's my, like, graspy, needy, like, why don't you love me? Kind of stuff. And I, you know, I wasn't. I wasn't in love with him. I was loving the man that I was getting to know. But I felt, yeah, just really heartbroken after that. And so I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna go all in in my business. I'm gonna hire a coach. And I did. And she was a business and mindset coach. Her name is Erin Porter. I will forever shout out her name because she's incredible. But she did everything for my mindset. I had never done mindset work before. I mean, yeah, I'd read the personal development books, but, like, to actually, like, go deep and do the shadow work and the inner child healing and all of that, I was like, holy shit. Like, we're actually.

Like, from that experience ever since then. I mean, granted, yes, I've learned so much and everything, but I'm like, this is what I want to help other women with. Like, I want to have. I want them to have the transformation I had.

But she asked me, she was like, are you, like, in. Are you sad about this relationship because you're, like, so in love with him and you can't think about not being with him, or is this pain, the pain of rejection?

Yeah.

And I was like, wow.

Yeah.

I was like, the pain of rejection. Yeah, 100%.

So if you'd have proceeded, you would have ended up settling.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And again, I mean, I didn't even really truly know who I was. I mean, I was a year into my life. My personal development journey and healing is not linear. Like, it's.

Yeah.

And again, I had only really. I'd never. I had only gone to one therapist appointment, and that was like, early in my 20s. And to continue with the mindset coaching with Aaron, I mean, we again started dig into, like, people pleasing and Just traumas and everything. And a really big portion of what I believe is to why I, I got so involved in like the hustle culture during my 20s was because I was involved in a very domestic sexual abuse, emotional, very emotionally abusive, but turned physically abusive in college. And so I went to one therapy session after that situation happened and it could have been the way I perceived this therapist, but she, she, you know, after explaining everything that happened, she looked at me and she was like. And you kept going back to him.

So you felt judged?

Yeah. And I'm like, okay. That's what my parents are asking me. That's what my friends are asking me. Like, I don't need another one of you.

Yeah. I mean the reality is, is most of us, it's. This is, by the way, not an uncumen uncommon human characteristic. All of us at some time or another have gone back to things that we know are not good for us.

Right.

Because we're trying to fill a need that we can't even articulate.

Right? That's right.

We're trying to find that place. We're trying to find that. In fact, you had me thinking a lot about even my own journey. Nine years old, I have to step into essentially adulthood to help my grandmother, which up until, all the way until basically the end of 2024. Right. We're talking 48 and a half years. Right. From birth to whatever.

Well, I GUESS It'll be 41 years technically because I was, I was nine. Right. But that perpetuated me constantly jumping in and trying to rescue people and help. And I would self abandon, I would over function. I would like, why am I getting rejected? I just did all this extra stuff. Like I've done this and that and that. How can you not see that? How can you not see that there's love there? All this kind of stuff. And it wasn't until I was telling you off air that I began working with a good friend of mine, Henry and Henry Marr and his wife Taryn. I worked a lot with Henry. Taryn's awesome. She works a lot with the feminine energies more than anything else. But what was really interesting was he's like, bro, you don't know. All the little pieces of you inside that are craving attention, craving safety, craving this. And I can now say, like I was sharing with you earlier, I was like, I can. I stood up on stage and said I'm whole. Right, right. And that just fell out of me. I've never, I don't know that I ever could have articulated that. Which is pretty wild when you go backwards. Because when you go backwards, I realized that you. Until you are whole in self, you'll never be whole in a relationship.

100%, you know?

And it sounds like that you're definitely. You were definitely on that journey, so.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I mean, it was interesting. Like, after the therapist appointment, my mom came, picked me up, and she was like, so did you book your next appointment? I'm like, no, I'm good. And it was fascinating. Maybe like a month ago today, you know, a month ago, my mom and I were talking about something, and she. Oh, I had shared about this experience from college on another podcast, and she listened to it, and she was, you know, in tears and everything, and. Yeah, but she knows the story. But just to hear it again, she was. Just broke my heart. And she's like. She's like, if I knew what I know now about therapy because my parents go to therapy, and she's like, if I knew now, she's like, I would have been like, well, that therapist didn't work out, but you're still going to therapy.

Yeah.

You know, and she was like, but I just didn't. You said you were fine.

Yeah.

And I just took it.

Yeah.

And I was like, well, I mean.

I think we all say. We all say we're fine at times for stuff like that. I mean. I mean, I would have. I mean, Henry would tell you that I was probably the most stubborn friend.

Right.

Even this. This is what he does for a living, Right?

Yeah.

You know, and what was really interesting was, is he would, like, he said something. He says, when people show you who they are, believe them.

Yeah.

Like, stop. Stop portraying or rejecting what you think they could be.

Absolutely.

Like, they are who they are in this moment, and if they decide to go do their own work and whatever later on, fantastic. But we need to focus on you, bro.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I always. I mean, I would probably say up until a year ago.

Yeah.

It still was, like, holding. Like, I was still holding onto this. Like, although I had the awareness and I've done a lot of work on myself, like, I still, like, you know, be romantically interested in someone, and I, like, see their potential so much, and that's it. It's like we fall in love for the potential and not the reality of what the person is. And Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat Love Pray actually has, like, a whole thing about this, and I'm like, I read it. I guess I watched the movie, like, years ago.

Well, her. Her real life partner just passed away not long ago. And she did this and she, she would say she did the same thing. She did a podcast with Rich Roll about.

Okay.

Three hours long. It's an epic podcast.

Oh, I bet.

Oh, it's. Yeah. Since. Yeah, it was awesome. Yeah.

But it's. I believe that that was a part of why I kept like, you know, I would fall for these guys because I was like, you know, probably the fixer in me. And you know, oh, yes, it was the people pleasing and fear of rejection and like everything combined. But at the end of the day I feel like, well, I'm the girl that's gonna be the one that changes them or makes them not be a fboy anymore or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, and it's just been so eye opening though, to see. I'm like, okay, no. Or the, I guess the narrative of like, well, they don't wanna be with me. What's wrong with me? You know, that like, deep wound. And like, I dated someone last fall and he kind of ghosted at the end of everything. And I was like, I saw him maybe a month later and he was like, I'm so sorry. Such an ass kind of thing. And I'm like, you, that's your personal stuff. You got your own personal thing going. I didn't take it personally.

Yeah.

Because I know I'm great.

Yeah, right. Well, I think one of the things that's been so freeing for me is I've been dating someone now for about. About a little over seven months and. But obviously anytime I had a relationship end, I would not date anybody for six or more months because I wanted to figure out what, extrapolate what the takeaways were. And I began a journaling practice during that same season called what I hear you say is my journal. Sitting on the couch and wake up every morning, normally 5, you know, 5, 5:30, go out here, just turn the lamp on and just sit down and what I hear you say. And then. And I did that for six months straight when I did it. It's funny, I would come up, sometimes I would have one word that would give the next word and that would be all I have. And then next thing I know, I had three pages. Sometimes I would just get massive downloads, all this kind of stuff. What was really interesting was, is that that was a key piece of the healing journey that helped me respect, autonomy and relationship. So the most freeing thing that I've discovered in relationship is you do you boo right? I do me boo right. And if we're aligned, fantastic. We can, you know, once they do each other that would, you know, but you know what I mean?

Yeah, exactly.

And it, and here I am almost 50, I'll be 50 in January, which is just nuts to me.

Yay.

I don't feel 50 at all. I feel like I'm 20. I'm just like I'm finally stepping in my 25 year old self.

I mean, same. I just turned 40 back in July. 20 something.

Yeah. So, you know, so you got this, you got this interesting dynamic going on. And one of the things I shared from stage this past weekend was, and this is something I didn't know, it's like I thought every time that something didn't work out, I was being punished. And what I discovered was, is I was actually stepping into a forge. I found that each relationship was there to help me identify where the wounds were so the wounds could actually be healed.

Right.

One at a time. For example, like I'm going to ask you this question. So in a second. But like the common denominator of what drove my behavior was this need of trying to rescue my grandmother over and over and over and over and over again. Like she was my world.

Yeah.

And I did everything in my power as a nine year old little kid, you know, making meals for my little brother that you know, like out of milk or out of water. Right. You know, like I wasn't making like steak dinners.

Right.

You know, getting him dressed in the morning. He was, you know, here I am nine, he's six. Like I, I used to have toys. I had a GI Joe and a Transformer one hand when she first had the first conversation with me. And then I thought if I was just good enough.

Yeah.

If I was just good enough. I worked hard enough. If I just. That somehow she would, that somehow I could help save her life. You know what I'm saying? And then that behavior. You don't realize these emotional anchors. I'm a big believer in just somatic work. Like I'm going to butcher her name. Please don't get mad at me. It's just really hard name to say for some of us. Okay. Shalaina Ayana wrote a book called Becoming the One. And she was a guest on the show virtually a while ago. And her work is magnificent. And that was my first introduction to somatic work, like actually understanding that. And I did like six or seven years of normal therapy where it's like you go and sit down, you just talk.

Right.

How are you feeling today? Okay. Well, it's not the same. Right.

And Then I had a, an energetic coach I met later on named Paul. He was amazing. He actually would do somatic work. And then I had Henry that literally specializes in family systems.

That's my time.

Right. So these I've discovered I've been telling people all over the place. It's like they say, well I've been going to therapy for six or seven years. I just feel like I'm. I said just because you're not working on the right thing, you got to find the root and the way you get to the roots with the somatic work, you know. And I know you're a big believer in somatic work. So I'm curious to know, have you been able to find what you believe to be the root cause of some of the behavior based needs that weren't serving you?

I don't. Yes and no. I say that because.

I want to make the assumption that yes, what I'm thinking is the root cause is definitely it. But I'm not.

The fact that, the fact that you have enough self awareness to qualify that it's actually really good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have.

I'll probably cry.

It's okay. I do it too all the time.

It's great. I love crying.

So I want to say like the kind of what you were just saying your story too. It's like when I'm seen, when I'm.

I have a, I have a sister, she's a year older than me and she has had a lot of challenges and for a very long time. And I was not necessarily prioritized because of said challenges. So you know, there was a time like even with the co worker situation, right. Like I would maybe go to call my mom to like tell her about it or that I was having a rough day and obviously she didn't know anything about it about it but I, or it could have been about anything that I was just having a rough time and the conversation would immediately start with I talked to your sister today and blah blah, blah. And it was just my mom was so stressed out about this. You know, my parents both were so stressed out about things and I was like my problem is so minuscule compared to that.

Yeah.

Like I don't not gonna put this on her. Fine. So I would just like suppress and suppress and suppress and really not check to anybody about it. Maybe my friends. But.

Like I needed that parent support. Right.

As we all do by the way.

Yeah. And there was a time like later on my mom and I went on a mother daughter date and I was like I need to share something with you. And I just, like, unleashed, like, everything. And she, you know, we both started crying, and she was like, I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you.

Yeah.

But, you know, I still have my sister has been the topic of our conversation. It's almost like. It's interesting because it's almost like there's, like, this trauma bond throughout my family where it's like, I know we have so much other things to talk about, but for a while, it seemed like I would call sometimes, and I'm like, well, we're not talking about it. So it almost felt like we didn't have anything to talk about. It was so strange. But, I mean, over the last handful of years, I've been in a different, like, I'll go home. You know, I go home more now than I did in my 20s. I think I was definitely prioritizing other things in my 20s. Obviously, like, I said that I just.

Wasn'T seeing as we all do in our time.

I mean, my parents live an hour away. Like, it's not hard to see them. Yeah. But I just wasn't putting in the effort in my 20s or early 30s. But I have been. And, like, my parents know, like, when I come, like, we're having, like, conversation time. Like, TV's off, phone's down. We're gonna talk. And it's like, I love that. My dad, he turned 70 in December of last year, and I was like, dad, we're gonna, like, play questions. You know, years ago, I bought him, or I bought us the book questions to ask your father, and we're still not done with the book.

Oh, wow. All right.

But it was funny. When he first started, he was just, like, writing his answers, and I was like, no, dad. Like, we're gonna talk about that.

Maybe shoot an ongoing podcast with him.

Yeah, yeah, that would be so fun. But it was so. It was such a great. It's so great, like, to do those things. But now, like, for her 70th, I, you know, I started asking questions, and I was recording it and everything, and it was just so wholesome and emotional and so connecting. And I feel so much more connected with my parents now than ever before. But it has been a very big challenge. So I feel like. And I had a coaching call. This is, like, about a year and a half ago, and.

My coach asked me. She was like, did you, like, feel like you were. Like, you and your sister were competing a lot? And I was like, no. But I said, I go, no, I don't ever felt like we were competing, you know, for our parents love or you know, until I guess the last 20 years. But when I was younger, not so much. I said, but I think we're this like.

I'm not worthy unless I'm seen kind of thing or like I have to do something, like achieve something in order to be like applauded. Right.

I feel you.

And yeah. So it's like, oh, I was, you know, I made honor roll. I was on the homecoming court. I did prom queen. I, you know, was on the basketball team. I did something in track. Like there was something always. Or I did like a performance at school. Not that my parents didn't just. I'm sure that they were like, oh, you did great at school today. You know, just a general Tuesday. But I think that where even like after Love is Blind aired this big like comparisonitis, which I want to call it, comparison came over.

That should be your book. Yeah, I'm serious. Yeah. Yeah, I'm dead serious. That would sell like crazy.

Yeah, it would.

Because comparison is a big deal. It's too, you know what I was sharing with you just. And I'm going to cut you off.

No, it's good.

This is, I think this is. Ties into what you're sharing. When I did that event and I stood up and I said, I'm whole. The amount of people that started crying.

Yeah.

At one time. Tells me there's a massive need to feel whole again. You know, while you were talking, just in. Since we chatted.

Yeah.

I wrote down disconnected, self medicated performance, all of M. By the way, all of these I've shared in. Yeah. But the body keeps score.

Yes.

Like nervous system wise.

Yeah.

People pleasing, self denial, rejection, projection, broken hearts. Right. So I believe that broken hearts are actually the best tool on the planet because they literally, they open you up for possibilities.

I agree. I agree.

And I think the reason I'm sharing this is because.

This podcast, I think it's gonna do really, really well. And I think because a lot of people want to feel whole.

Yeah.

But they have no idea where to start.

Right.

They don't know how to find themselves and how to look themselves in the mirror. I was telling my friends that I have this mantra. I'm healthy, I'm wealthy, I'm wise, I'm a steward of the most high. And I love you, Stephen. And I love you, Stephen. Was always the hardest one to say, especially in the like the first month or so I was doing. Because I was doing it in the mirror. I was Getting wrecked, just telling myself I love myself. Right. You know what I'm saying? And I think a lot of us, you know, we have to realize that our parents can only parent based on what they know.

Yeah.

And if you have a multi child parental responsibility, we as humans tend to go to the problem first.

Right, right.

You know, which I'm so glad you mentioned. Like, you kind of like felt unseen.

Yeah. Yeah.

Like, and because it's a legitimate feeling and. And I want parents to understand.

The importance of doing their best. My oldest son came to me not like three years ago and said if you could just be more present when you're present.

Yeah.

And it like broke me, changed my life.

Yeah.

Like I'm more intentional now than I've ever been.

Yeah.

You and I were chat. Chit chatting a little bit these dms before the event. But like I would respond but then I might in a couple hours my go. Because I was present.

Yeah.

You know, and I'm just, I just find that that is being like a big tool. So in this wholeness journey, in this understanding self, in this figure out. Okay. Whether this root system is, is probably somewhere around here, what has been the healing journey? What has been. What does that look like? Again, I'm trying to, I want to try to give people as much. And I know, I know you can work with them and they can find you off.

Yeah.

But I want to help them. Like what if they step one, like where do they start? Because this again, I had to get blinds. I didn't get blindsided. Blindside is probably not the, the right word. I had to get really hit hard by life to really understand this had to change.

Yeah.

I think the first thing that really moved the needle for me was implementing like a morning routine. And I read the book the Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod.

Yeah.

And I.

He's awesome.

I mean that was 2018, it's 2005. So for seven years I have done the Miracle Morning.

That's awesome.

And it really like it's a. He calls it his lifesavers and it really is.

Yeah.

I. And it's, you know, probably get a used book for $5 on Amazon. Like it's the cheapest.

People are still buying the book like crazy.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, it's a low investment that will high return. Exactly. That will change your life.

So I would say that. I mean I listen to various like YouTube videos, whether it's Neville God or Florence Wayne Dwyer, Bob Proctor. I go down the rabbit hole and pick different ones to Listen to and you know, again, it's free 99. Like, you just choose something that, I don't know, the thumbnail speaks to your soul that day, and I'll just listen. Yeah, but that's kind of like my focus is the savers routine and it has changed me.

Yeah.

I mean, that's, that is what has connected me to myself more than. And not say, more than anything. I mean, yeah, triactive breathwork really connected me to myself, but honestly, I would say that that's where people can start, is get that book read.

Just changed me.

That's awesome. Yeah, thanks for sharing that.

Yeah.

You know, I was thinking, you also said not that long ago that at an early age you wanted to. Already knew you wanted to be on tv.

Yeah.

So I'm not home. We're gonna have to, like, I'm gonna try to bring it full loop and interweave it all together, so. Because I, I, like, I. I sense that there's a bit of a drive with what you already described to be seen.

Yeah.

But then there's also the side of you that has a bright personality. And it's like, you see, I'm saying, like, so I'm, I'm curious. Like, talk to me a little bit about. About that journey and then I want to learn more. Learn a little bit more about love is blind.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So, yeah, when, you know, when you're five years old, people always ask you, what do you want to be when you grow up? Everyone's like, astronaut, whatever. Yeah. I always, I literally always said actress, teacher, and a baby doctor.

I didn't know all at the same time. Can I be an act? Can I be an actress that plays a baby doctor?

Right, yeah, exactly. But yeah, I didn't know the term pediatrician at the time. Right. I loved babies. Like, every time anytime my parents, friends, like, had a newborn, I was like, can I hold it?

Like, my grandson was here yesterday. He's six months old.

I would have snuggled him.

Oh, he's, he's, he's snuggle worth. He's got these big blue eyes, is.

Oh my gosh, I'll show you a.

Picture on the show.

But yeah, so, you know, it's all, all is good and great until, you know, college time starts to come around. And so I guess it was like my senior year, end of junior year, my parents were like, okay, like, we gotta start thinking what you want to do, like setting up your, you know, your major for college and everything. And my mom was a kindergarten teacher for nearly 15 years. And she had left prior to me going into college and went into, like, sales for a little while, but. And she became a health coach, too, but she discouraged it simply because she was like, you don't want to be a teacher, Cal. Like, not in the way that schools are to this day. She's like, it's so political. It's not fun. Like, the reason I became a teacher years ago was because I wanted to help the children, and I loved being around children and all of that. She's like, but now, like, it's constant testing. It's not fun, and you get paid crap. So, like, yeah, I would advise against that. Acting. You're gonna have to, like, know someone. Like, you can't just. You're not just gonna be like, Angelina Jolie tomorrow.

What? I have to work for it? Come on, man.

Julia Roberts tomorrow. And then as far as the baby doctor, pediatrician, I just remember my dad being like, you want to go to, like, another 10 years of school?

I was like, yeah, no, I really don't. I don't want to do that. Not that I didn't like school. I love school, but probably for more of the social aspect. I had great grades and everything, but, yeah, so I went into. I went to uga, and, you know, you don't really have to pick your major technically your first year, because it's just foundational classes. And then I'm like, okay, well, now it's May, so I need to figure this out. And my sister, she's a year older than me, so she. She was doing fashion merchandising, but she really wanted to be doing that. Fashion design, that kind of thing. Yeah. And I just chose fashion merchandise, picked a degree, and got a degree in it, and that was all she wrote on my dreams. So fast forward to, you know, nearly eight years later. And like I said, my mom had become a health coach, and she encouraged me to go through it. And we were very. We were raised very, like, holistically, very clean family.

Yeah.

But anyway, so I did that, and as I started coaching, I was like, okay, like, I'm helping people. So here's kind of, like the doctor part.

Yeah.

And then obviously, I did the reality TV show, and I'm putting even more, like, digital courses together and all this, and I'm like, wow, this really came full circle. I'm like, even if I didn't do the reality show, although it was kind of like the acting part, but, like, even if I didn't do it, I'm creating these courses where I'm doing a video, and then I launched a podcast later on. It's like, I am acting, I'm teaching, I'm helping.

Let's go.

I was like, how cool is that? But no, but I still also want to do more tv. I love it. I don't know what that looks like. And, you know, people ask, would you ever do, like, a show like Love is Blind again? And, like, not with a wedding at the end.

Yeah.

Put me on a dating show all day. Like, that's fun. I do feel that.

Reality TV is very toxic. I don't.

Reality, yeah.

Parts of it, yes. But there is definitely a narrative that production creates and can spin things, and it's just not real. And it's very toxic. I was never. I mean, I've maybe watched a couple seasons or a couple episodes of reality TV show prior to going on Love is Blind. I was never like, a bachelor girl or anything else. Bravo. Real. I've never seen a Real Housewives of Anything show, so it's just, like, not my thing. I love drama series. Real acting.

Yeah.

And.

But with that said, and maybe. Maybe I get into, like, actually scripted work. I don't know. Like, I would. I would love to actually pursue that, but I feel like those could be tools for me to create more impact if I am more seen. And I want to loop back to my need of being seen.

It's not coming from that space when I say it to be seen now. Now it's more like it's impact driven. There's value behind it. It's intentional. I want to put myself in spaces and opportunities where I am seen because I feel like I have a voice that needs to be heard. Hey, look at me. Give me the attention. Because I feel unloved and unworthy.

Yeah.

I feel very whole now.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Yeah. No, I see very bright, beautiful things for you. Thank you.

I'm going to share probably a few things off air, but I think one of the things that I think is important that the audience knows is you have a new program called Awaken. So I want to know more about that, specifically who it's for. I love connecting our audience to great resources and people that I believe that serve have a heart of service, and I can see that you've gotten there.

Thank you.

Right. And I also, just for. As a side note, because there's a lot of similarities in a different capacity in both of our lives as far as, like, pursuits and what motivated us and stuff like that. So it's no. It's no it's no coincidence we're hanging out and sitting in the day, if that makes any sense.

Perfect timing.

Yeah. So one of the things I discovered about the early desire to be seen, it made me care a lot about my image. And that care about my image was simply motivated, was people have to see me the right way to love me. Right. What I've discovered is.

And I would go, and keep in mind I've been speaking now for a little while in the public eye in different ways and totally different way than what you've done, of course. But.

What I've discovered is I used to go speak and I would have, I don't know, 20 or 30 people come up after the fact. That really impacted me, which, that's always a huge blessing. Right.

When I stepped into authenticity and I gave up the, the image piece, I went from desiring to be seen to desiring for others to be seen. And it was a massive perspective shift because when I stepped into authenticity, here, here are my scars. Here's, here's, here's, here's my, here's my smile, here's my bald head. Here's my shortness. Like, you know, here's my broken heart. This is what I've done wrong. This is what I've gotten right. This is what I've learned. All this kind of stuff, this last event, two and a half hours I was talking to people after the event.

Wow.

Tears and eyes, all kinds of stuff. And I would always, they would say, well, it really touched me. And my favorite question is like, well, what, what specifically was your, what was the moment? Yeah. And what, what is dumbfounding is the moment is always different for everybody.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

You know, and that's a spiritual frequency of sorts that is really hard to tap into. And I know that's one of the elements that you're trying to do with, awaken with the, with everyone you're serving and helping them, you know, kind of avoid these things of feeling disconnected, feel this desire to people please. This desire to self abandon. Like, you know, I'm a, I'm a big believer. We go through those experiences so we can create the solutions so others don't. To go through necessarily the same journey to get there.

Yes.

Like, you're already like, I mean, it was about a 10 year age difference between you and I, and you're already further ahead than I, I was at 40.

Thank you. Thanks.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

You know, and it's, it's, it's a beautiful thing to See, Yeah. You know, so anyway, that's interesting.

You said that. There's a girl that I'm friends with on social media in real life, but social media, social friends, we see each other more on social media than we do in real life. But she's I think 25. And yes, she comes from an entrepreneurial parent, so potentially that could be a reason. But the things that she posts about are things that resonate with me and 25 year old me.

Wouldn'T have resonated with what she's posting about. You know what I mean? And I'm just like, I always am like, I'm so like your life is on this beautiful trajectory when by the time you are my age, like, like the world is your oyster, like you can do anything. And the fact that you have this mindset at the age of 25.

Yeah.

And that you continue to like study personal development and like just go after things that light you up. I'm just so proud of you.

Yeah.

It's just such a neat thing to witness. So. Yeah, it's so cool.

All right, well, tell me about Awaken. Like who's like, tell me more about this program. I know you've been working under the, under the hood for a long time on.

I'm launching it. Yeah. I, I mean it's, it's basically I created a few courses over the last handful of years. One is around more or less money mindset, but that is probably a 12 module course. And it's funny because I'm like, I'll take other people's courses. And I'm like, oh, it was like a 3 minute video or something. Mine are like 45 minute to an hour long video. So it's going to take you a little while to go through these. But listen to it while you're driving in the car. Whatever. But, but law of, Law of attraction, law of vibration, a lot of like manifestation. But now what I'm like, you know, they're spiritual practices getting yourself into the frequency to attract more opportunities into your life. And it doesn't necessarily have to be money, it can be love. It's. It's getting yourself in the vibrational frequency of abundance.

Yeah.

And we, that was a very. The reason I included this portion, this course into this awakened program was because it was such a transformative thing for me to uncover my stories around wealth, success, having money, not having money, like even good debt and bad debt, like learning really the how limiting I have been to myself and the stories that I've told myself and like I Consistently do money mindset work. I'm constantly reading a money mindset book or, or listening to a Bob Proctor thing on money mindset. Like it's so connected to us spiritually more than anything. So I really want to help transform women's relationship with money.

That's awesome. I mean scarcity and abundance both have a frequency.

It does, yeah. Yeah. And then there's another set of modules around like self love and you know, essentially leading into dating and relationships. But to help women, you know, create beautiful boundaries, healthy boundaries, coming from a heart space, getting curious about themselves so taking themselves on solo dates. A lot of women have a really hard time even going to the bathroom alone.

I think humans have a hard time to go to the bathroom without a phone nowadays.

Yeah. Without the phone. Right.

You'll be present with yourself.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

One time a day. You can definitely do that.

Which is kind of funny because like my condo where I live in Atlanta, like I same like I will always, I'm always have my phone in my hand for whatever reason. I'm like, Kelly, you're literally walking 40ft to go to the bathroom. Like you put your phone down, you don't have to take it into the bathroom with you. You can take a minute. So I've. I've become more aware of my dumb behaviors more or less. But anyway, so I really want to help women also transform their relationship to themselves.

And then from that. And of course we're going to like talk about all these like the lifesavers concept and all these little like rituals and habits that I have done to get myself to where I am feeling today again.

Yeah.

From that place of like abundant, like hole. And earlier I was like, I'm great. Like, you know, like I. I don't say that from a place of feeling conceited. Like it is just like I know like my worth and I know how deserving of a beautiful life I have. Like.

Yeah.

And I'm like, knock what if anything were to happen to me today, I'm so grateful for the life that I have lived. So grateful for all the challenges. I'm even more grateful for all the hardship because it brought me to here. Like you were saying earlier, it like opens you up, right? A heartbreak and it really does. But I really want to help women get here faster.

Yeah.

And it's possible. I mean if you stay committed, you learn these things. If I can just put it all, you know, I've put it all in this course or in this program and I'll do a couple of you know, like live coaching and that kind of thing.

I, which I think is important.

It is like the connection. I mean, honestly, if I could do like in person coaching, like that would be great. And I will, I'll probably take it. I would like to be doing more like in person retreats, workshops that.

Yeah, retreats. Or retreats. Immersive retreats could be awesome.

For sure. Yeah. And the last bit of the awakened program is, hey, you know what? If this has inspired you to or activated something inside of you that you want to do what I'm doing, here's a basic, like five modules on how to, you can create your own coaching program based on maybe something that you've gone through.

Yeah.

And here, here's how to create a high ticket offer. Here's how to create digital courses. Hone in on who your niche, your niche is and how you can like actually do this too and create more impact in this world to kind of full circle.

That would be cool. We'll make sure the links are all in the show notes and all that good stuff. For sure. I think, you know, one of the things I was just thinking of is, you know, we, we were talking earlier about relationships and the importance of being whole.

Yeah.

To attract wholeness. And then I, I just had this. Another random thought.

Yeah.

Because my, that's my brain work. So I talk, I actually talk in fortune cookie just to give you an idea.

But it's like, it's one thing to want love, it's another thing to experience healthy love. And most of us don't want to do the work it takes to create healthy love. So therefore we attract more problematic, even toxic love. Not realizing the greatest love you'll ever have is the one with yourself.

Right.

If you can get that figured out, the other things flow. And I, it's funny when we talk about vibration and frequency in general, what's really interesting to me is the vibration of actual love and actual authenticity. Like you want to, you want to attract this mysterious spouse, this mysterious person. Right. My prayer to them is the same as what was spoken over. It's like I pray that whoever this person is, that they're actively doing their work right now.

Right.

And then having faith in my, in my case is God and Jesus, but having faith that, that, that work is being done and at the appropriate time.

Yeah.

You're just doing your thing. You know that it's gonna, it'll, it'll come to pass. Right. So one of the things that Henry told me.

Is like, your person's gonna find you. When you're on mission.

Yeah.

Right. Not, not. Not necessarily in a bar or a place of, I don't know, a traditional meat market of sorts. I mean, we've all done this stuff. This is not like we're not. I'm not talking down to anybody, but, you know, it's like. And he was right. I just said, all right, what's my calling? Where am I supposed to be operating? How can I be the most impact of greater service? And. And then somehow there's a. There's a biblical story of a guy named King David and Michal, or someone call her Michael was one of Saul's daughters. And he overheard. Or she overheard him singing. Now, they play this out in the House of David TV show and stuff like that, a whole lot better than it's written. It's like a little blurb about this big. But essentially, he was on mission. He was on frequency. Right. He wasn't trying. The very. I've discovered that the things that we chase are the very things that elude us.

Yeah.

If we stop chasing it, it's. Everything seems to find us. It's the most bizarre. Like, it's like, okay, there's this world of. Some would call it the 3D world that operates. Okay, well, if I chase it, I'll get it.

Right.

Right. But then there's the actual, what I would say, the creative force that basically says if you let it go, it comes to you.

Right.

It's the most bizarre thing in the world, but it works. It's real. So, yeah, it does work.

It's fascinating.

People question my title of my brand, you know, chase life. Right. And because they're like, does that mean you're constantly chasing things? And I'm like. One could perceive it that way that you're. If you're constantly chasing, are you ever content and happy? And that's not, you know, the definition behind my brand. It is continue to chase the light and continue to chase the things that light you up and make you happy.

Yeah.

And with that, you will be a light to others.

Yeah. If anything, I've heard you say, it's not chasing it, It. It's receiving it.

Yeah.

Right. It's. It's a bit of a play on words.

And I understand. And I understand the wording because most of us feel like we're still chasing stuff.

Yeah.

Right. Yeah.

I mean, there's parts of me that are. I mean, I. Yeah. You know, I. We're still human. Right. It's like. So I know that there are sometimes when I am. And like, even this past weekend, I felt so much like resistance. I was just feeling a lot of heaviness. And I spent Saturday totally, like, disconnecting. I went and did spontaneous things with kind of like a newer group of friends. And I was like, I don't know, like, I've done some things with them. Like, I know them, but I don't hang out with them all the time.

Yeah.

And I just. We did some volunteer event which was on my calendar. But like, after that I was like, I need to clean my bathroom. I need to like, pack for this. Like, I need to like get stuff done, work on my business a little bit. And I was like, I feel so heavy and just stuck right now. And so I just went to this day festival, went to this like, cafe that turned into a nightclub on Saturday night. I was still home by noon. By noon. I was still.

By doing home noon the next day.

No, I was home by midnight. And yeah, but I was just like, oh my gosh. And what did I do? I woke up yesterday morning, I did my miracle morning. And in my miracle morning, I was like, oh my God. And I just started like channeling all this. I had so many downloads and I got back to my ebook and I like deleted half the stuff that I thought I wanted to put in there. And I just started like going to town. Just like brain dumping all the time. I was like, thank you. That's what I needed.

Yeah, that's awesome.

Yeah. Sometimes we just have to step away like you said. And just because I think I was just like trying to like, add a lot of control and like force on things.

Oh, control and force. They're the worst expectations.

Yes. And I'm like, kelly, remember unknown, Unknown. Like you don't know what the unknown is.

You know, we had this. We had this, this super quick side story. We had this beautiful experience where this. A homeless man and his wife came off the street during the event. At this particular event, they did. They were doing baptisms at the end of the event. It's something they've always done. I chose to get re baptized while I was there. Not because my relationship with God is needed to be checked. Because I wanted to consecrate the last year of transformation. Right here I am getting out of this water and I've actually shared this. I reshared it with the people that shared it with me on Instagram. So it's worth checking out because it's. It's beautiful. I was actually showing it to Quest.

And what I discovered was Right.

That whole experience came after a year of release of. And this, you know, this, this young man, I say young man and his wife, they were, her, she was pregnant. Like all these, like there's a beautiful, beautiful experience for them. At the end of it, he's running around high fiving like 10 year olds. Like he's just having the most joy he's ever had in his life.

Yeah.

You know what? And he, and you'll see this where I give him this massive hug right at the very beginning. And he, after that one hug, he wants to hug me all the time. Right. Which is fantastic. I didn't know it at the time, but he whispered in my ear at the first hug, he goes, I've, I've never been hugged like this before. Right. So essentially what he said is he had never had the hug of a father. Right, Right. And here he was, is like a lot of times we, we think that the issues that we've had with our own parental things or somehow how the divine operates, not realizing that humans have issues, the divine really doesn't, you know, kind of thing. But at the end of it, you know, we're two year, two or three days in removed and there was some help offered, offered to them and you know, a couple of the folks were like, okay, well are they going to, are they going to follow up on their end of the bargain? I said, we have no control over that and it doesn't matter.

Right.

We did the task when it was required, meaning we showed immense love.

We.

Gave help with boundaries.

Right.

And I trust that after something like that, that experience, it was the most I've seen people get baptized, even people that have been homeless get baptized and all kinds of stuff. Powerful. This was special. It was just special. Right. So. And I was just trying to encourage the folks that are the leadership. It's like we don't have control. Yeah, let it go. Like we did the thing.

Right.

We showed love. Like just trust. The seed has been planted.

Absolutely.

And I'll say that as someone who my biggest struggle in this perform, like over what I call performance and over functioning thing is my biggest struggle was trying to control the outcome.

Yeah.

Well, if I just do this, this way and do that now, granted, in many cases you could say it helped me build some big site, some big businesses. Right. But now what I now knowing what I know now, I would have have potentially built those differently and probably had more quote unquote success with less force.

Yeah, I agree with that. Yeah, I definitely agree with that. Thanks for sharing.

Yeah, thanks for listening.

I was gonna rewind back to what you were saying about just, like, relationships and frequency and all of that too.

Someone was asking me. This guy was very. Having a very respectful conversation with me in the DMs. And. And he asked me something about, like, dating, you know, like. And I responded something along the lines of, like, I don't. Like, I'm not where I want to be to meet the type of person that I'm trying to call in. And he was like, okay. He was like, help me understand that. Do you mean that you're saying, like, you feel like you have to be in a. Like, you have to be somewhere to feel worthy of that love? And I was like, no, no, no, no, no.

That.

Like, I'm not where I want it. I'm not on the necessarily, like, vibrational frequency where I want my person. Like, where my person is or where I will find that person. Like, I'm not there yet.

Yeah.

And therefore. And I'm okay with that. Like, yeah, sure. I've met, like, some. It was funny because I did meet someone at a bar last year, and I'm like, I felt like him and I were. We were definitely on the same. Same frequency.

You were current. You were what I call current. Mirrors.

Yeah. Yeah. It was a very. This. This person has played a very significant role in my life in the last year. But we met. I was with two of my guy friends. We met, and he, like, shook my hand. He's like, you're beautiful. Like, and he wouldn't let my hand go, and it was really funny. And then he was like, I need. Like, I need to talk to this girl. But he. He was like, wait, what's your name? And I go, kelly Chase. And he was like, like, that's crazy. He was like, I was just at a house party and this girl's talking about you. She was like. He goes, I've never heard your name and I've never met you before. I've never seen a picture, like, nothing. He's like, and now I'm meeting you. This is fate. We were supposed to meet tonight. Like, I was like, yeah, sure. And then we talked and he was having very. He was asking me very, like, high level questions. And, like, he even said he asked me what my attachment theory was or.

Nice. He's on.

On.

He's on it. He's on path. It's good.

Yeah.

You need. You need to know what attachment theory is. Just FYI.

Yeah. He's like, what is your attachment style? And I was like the fact that, you know, that. That even, like, what I was. This man's gone to at least a therapy session, a specialized therapy. Yeah. Yeah. It was very fascinating. Granted, obviously, we didn't work out, but I think he wanted to be. He wanted to be in a different place, too. And he just. Just wasn't based on a previous relationship he was still healing from and everything, but it was just. It was profound. So. Yeah, we did meet at a bar, but.

Yeah, well, I'm not, by the way, I'm not. I'm not saying that you can't meet people.

It could be anywhere. But it was interesting because I felt like. Like I probably wouldn't have gone that night, but I was like, I just need to change the scenery because I was also at a different house party and I was like, I just need to change the scenery. So I just went out with my guy friends and I'm like, I don't really want to not want to be here. I would rather be doing something else, but. And I felt like it was probably very similar to him, the level of conversation that we were having. And then we just. We literally talked for like an hour at the bar. And it was funny. But anyways. Yeah, I just. I feel like that is correct. Like, you have to. In divine timing, it will happen.

Like. Like. Like the expectation. Yeah, I was. It happened a lot sooner than I thought was going to happen for me.

Yeah.

I'm very. In a very healthy, happy place, which is awesome.

Yeah.

Just got back from a long trip. Nine days straight. No issues, no chaos, no nothing. Just a lot of laughter, fun, hanging out, adventure.

Being a special trip. But it had me thinking. I have been with people in my past that I would have defined even now as soulmates. And what I think people get wrong about soulmates is that a soulmate is supposed to be part of your life forever.

Yeah, I don't believe that either.

Yeah. Yeah, it's. It's. At least for Mike, you know, I'd love to hear your thoughts. I do have to wrap it up.

Yeah.

But. Yeah, but one of the things that I've discovered is, is, like, without the people that came before, I wouldn't have been awakened to the areas that I needed to work on to get me into a place where.

For lack of a better word, I could call in or be ready for said person.

That really complements my life. Doesn't complete me.

Right.

I don't need it to complete me.

Right. Because you are whole.

Yeah, because I'm whole. And. And I think and again, I. When we're watching TV and we're watching media, we're like, I want to live the, you know, looks like a permanent vacation life which just doesn't exist. Every now and again, we're getting up with bad breath. Everyone's going to pass gas from every now and again, like, you're going to have, you're going to have traffic jams where like one of you is like, like super calm. Like, watch out, library. You know, it's just like, it's like we forget life is life and it's real. Right. So it's like, who can you do that with and still have fun?

Yeah, you know, exactly. Absolutely. I agree with you. And I think we were going back to Eat Love Pray. Elizabeth Gilbert, she mentions that within her book that these people that came into her life were like soulmates for her, you know, And I just, ever since reading that, I was like, I love that.

Yeah.

About it because I, I feel the same. Like, there are people who have played significant roles in my life that may have been a catalyst for my healing journey or, you know, I felt like I was all healed. Right.

Yeah.

And then this person comes in and knocks me off my feet again. And I'm like, oh, my God. Like, you know, and then I will say probably a lot of the, like, self shaming of like, well, you knew better. You shouldn't have like, allowed this to happen or allowed these low accountability behaviors. But I'm like, okay, well, well, obviously I wasn't in a more, you know, just higher vibrational space.

Well, I had anxious attachment for the longest time. And I, for whatever reason, it's like fearful avoidant over and over again, over and over again, over. I was like, wait a minute. And what I discovered was, is if here's. Was my, my little mental hack as when I was kind of like coming through the other side, getting into the secure style was if I feel like I need to rush it at all, I'm actually in anxious style. Right. Rather than. It will be what it will be. And if it's to be beautiful, it will take time. It will take real time. And so rushing to the altar, rushing to the engagement, rushing to build the family, like, rushing.

Didn'T serve me.

Yeah.

Doesn't serve me.

So anyway, yeah, I agree with you on that. Yeah, I know. It's funny because I'm like, okay, yeah, I'm 40 now. Everyone thinks like, everyone thinks they're like, okay, Kylie, like, you know, did you freeze your eggs? Do you want to, like, all these things I'm like, I just like my desire. I want a child, but my desire to have children has decreased over the years. But I want a life partner.

Yeah.

And I mean, that's my priority. Like, that's my focus. Not like, my focus, like, I'm being anxious and all that.

No, it's definitely an aspiration.

Yeah. It's an aspiration to have a life partner when we have children. Okay. You know, ideally, I would like to be with my person for a little while.

Yeah.

Before we even think about having a kid. Like, I don't want to rush anything. I just want it to be beautiful and peaceful.

Yeah.

On its own timing.

Awesome. We're gonna wrap it up because we have to. We can talk for days. Kelly, get your boy. Definitely get you back on for sure.

Thank you, guys.

Hope you enjoyed this episode of Build. Don't forget to, like, subscribe, share, do all the things. As you guys know, it really helps. And I don't say that just to say that, even though it might seem like I'm saying that. To say that, like, legitimately, it helps us reach more people. So thank you so much, Kelly. Thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Awesome. That's gonna do it, guys. Take care. Peace. Hey, guys. I hope you enjoyed that amazing conversation. And if you want more just like that to help you level up your life and your business, you're not going to miss this next one. Check it out.

Either you try to control it and do it, or you say to God, you do it, and all of a sudden you're available for the level of miracles. People say, once I have $5 million, I'll be abundant. I'll be generous. It's like you could be generous today when you show up and you fully serve and you are a channel for something bigger than yourself.