Why God Wants You Happy | Phil Waldrep

In our great country, you can do anything you want to do, and there are people who have achieved those things, and they're still not happy, and they're wondering why.

I haven't come across a lot of thought leaders recently that have spent a lot of time dissecting and. Or really trying to understand the marketplace and understand why America is largely becoming more and more unhappy on a regular basis. So when the new book came out, Stop Chasing Happy, I had to like, like, bring you on and talk about it. Like, what are we getting wrong as an American culture? What. What. What's at the heart of it?

Well, you know, we've always had this belief in America, and I think it goes back probably to our grandparents and to our parents. You know, my grandparents came up, they were sharecroppers, as we say in the South. They were not very wealthy, and they really wanted a life better for their kids, and. And so they thought that life would make them happy. Even though my grandparents were very happy people in the truest sense of the word, they really thought life would be better if they just had better jobs, better houses, you know, stuff. And so they really ingrained that into their kids. So when my parents came along, they were still kind of that generation that still felt that. That didn't really receive it at the level their parents could give it. So they wanted their kids to have a good education and go to college. And of a sudden, if you get all of this stuff, you're going to be happy. So everybody believe that. And so now we have a generation of people that we have all the stuff, we have all the education. I mean, in our great country, you can do anything you want to do. And there are people who have achieved those things, and they're still not happy, and they're wondering why. And I think it's because we're looking for happiness and. And all the wrong places.

Yeah, I mean, I can. My own personal journey. I, you know, I went from a pretty. Pretty difficult situation growing up and homelessness and some other things, but I was shocked by the fact that once I had actually became a person of affluence, and I built some successful businesses and stuff like that. How empty I actually was.

Right.

You know, I had the house, I had the car, I had the ability to go vacation and. And something like that. And one of the things that I felt like God shared with me specifically was that's because you're putting your identity, you're putting your significance in all the wrong places.

Right.

So talk to me a little bit about how we can find proper significance and meaning in the right places. That is purpose. Like, talk to me about how that happens.

Well, I believe very strong, as a Christian, that all of us, every single person created God has one desire for us. He has one mission. And that mission is for us to glorify Him. Now, we would all agree with that. So here's where the rub comes in. The happiness comes when we understand the mission is to glorify God, but then we find our place on the team. You know, I like to explain it this way, and people can get it. You know, being from Alabama, we love football. We live football in Alabama. I know in North Carolina it's basketball, but here it's football. Well, I want you to think for just a moment about a football game. There's coaches, there's players, there's, you know, medical people, there's cheerleaders and there's fans. Now, most people don't really think about it, but every single one of those has the same mission. They want to win the game. Everybody knows our mission is to win the game. But everybody has a different place on the team. I mean, what the quarterback does, totally different from what a linebacker does. And the players have something totally different from what the coaches do. Coaches are seeing things from a different perspective and making. Making different decisions. The cheerleaders have a totally different role, and even the fans have a different role. Well, I think God created every single one of us to play a position on the team. Every single one of us have an assignment from God. And I call that our purpose. We're all glorifying God. My purpose is when I find the right place on the team. And when you find that right place on the team, the end result is going to be a satisfaction. You mentioned, you talked about you felt so empty. Well, it's the opposite of that. And that is there's fulfillment and there's joy. I mean, I give you an example from history. We've all heard of Mother Teresa. We remember her. She worked in Calcutta, and she was there in poverty. And this woman, her feet were actually deformed because she would use shoes that other people, even the poor, didn't want him. And it deformed her feet because she never had the right size. But Mother Teresa always talked about the joy she had and the happiness she had. And as an American, we're going like, how can you be happy? You're in Calcutta, you're with poverty, you have nothing. But she found her place on the team. And meaning, she found her purpose. And I think the problem with most of us is the devil. You know, he whispers to the cheerleader that says, you know, you ought to be the quarterback. And so we're not happy till we get to be the quarterback. And the quarterback is like, you know, the devil's whispering in the ear, saying, you know, you really need to be a cheerleader. It's a lot more fun being a cheerleader. And as a result of that, the devil tries to keep us from finding our purpose. That's what I call it. And finding our place on the team. But when you find your place on the team, all of a sudden money becomes a way to fulfill that purpose, or our relationships becomes a way. You're not using people. But all of that are things that God uses to help you play your role on the team. The problem with most of us, the reason we're unhappy, is we don't even like the team we're on, and we don't understand it. So we feel like it's a hollow. You know, in fact, I shared this even with athletes before. Sometimes we do everything to win, but once the game is over, you know, we get the trophy. But a year past, two years past, three years past, sometimes we can't even find the trophy. And it was all of this work for something that didn't last. And what I think we find happiness. Fact, I know we find happiness when we find our purpose and we do it.

Yeah, I mean, I'm in this season of life. I'm in. You know, while I've discovered that I've got a. A gift, if you will, for entrepreneurship, I love it. I love helping entrepreneurs. I also love helping people master their. Master their life, because obviously, I'm a product of, like, development, both as methods of faith as well as strategy. And, you know, when I'm. When I'm thinking about it, one of the things, you know, my wife was asking me, you know, we do live event conferences here at my live event center from time to time. And, you know, she's like, why do. Why do you love. Like, why does this light you up the way it is? I said, you know what? I can't really tell you other than the fact that when I'm looking at an audience, whether they're virtual or live, and you watch an aha moment come on, and, you know, they're 20 years old, 30 years old, 40 years old, 50 years old, and then trapped in this. This bubble, if you will, of not having an awareness about what they're really supposed to be doing with their life. And, you Watch that light bulb. Come on. There really is no, no greater gift that I've seen.

That's exactly right. By the way, Stephen, you just said something that's very, very important, and I don't want to let it slip by us. You said that you just come alive when you're in front of that crowd. And I think the reason is that when we find our purpose, we're going to discover that when God created us, he also made it our passion. And when your passion and your purpose meet, they produce happiness because, you know, people. People find. You know, have you ever met people, and you've met a lot of these people. I don't mean workaholics who are neglecting everything else in their life. But you know the slogan you've heard? I've heard it. If you really find, you know, your purpose and your. Your passion in life, you'll never work a day in your life. Yeah, and it's true.

We.

We go to work, we do things other people call work, but for us, it's not work. I mean, yeah, literally free all day long with no for free all day long. And the reason is because of what it's doing to you inside, you're fulfilling that purpose. You're fulfilling your mission and your passion. So I don't want that to slip by because people often say, well, I have a passion for this, but I.

Don'T know what my.

My purpose is. Well, sometimes the passion can be an indication of what your purpose is. And what is it? You know, I have these two or three little questions I tell people all the time when they say, I'd like to know my purpose. And I first all, what is something you do where you lose all track of time? I mean, there are some things I do that literally, I'm. I'm staring at my watch every minute because it's like, when is this going to be over with? Or I got to complete this project. But then there's other things we do. You go like, oh, my gosh, it's one o' clock in the morning, and I didn't even realize it because you lose all track of time. That's the first thing. Number two is I tell people, what is it you do that God blesses? Meaning, what is it that you do that you see something productive occur? You mentioned talking about those live events, and you can see the light bulb go on in people's minds. Okay. To you, you can see that is yielding productivity. And I even tell people, I think ultimately productivity is what gives us significance, because God Gives us a purpose to achieve something, and we're achieving it. And then I. I found this is true for a lot of people. Go to people who love you and will always tell you the truth. And you need those people in your life and just ask them this question, what are two or three things that you think I'm better at doing than most people and get them to be honest with you. You know, when I did that, the thing. One thing that everybody mentioned was the one thing wasn't on my list. And they said to me, phil, you have an ability to encourage people. You can make people feel so valuable. Well, I never really saw that. I just assumed everybody said those kind remarks and things to people. But that helped me discover my purpose and my mission in life. And so I throw that in because probably some people are listening and saying, hey, man, I want to know this purpose. I want to know my passion. But how do you find it? And it's not like one day you just read a book and there it is, or somebody tells you what it is. In fact, I find when I try to get other people to tell me what it is, I would be led astray because sometimes they didn't know me well, or they, they thought, man, you really enjoyed doing A when I enjoyed doing B. And so that's all of that, in fact. But I didn't want that to pass without noting passion and purpose. When God created us, I think he designed us for both. Because, you know, I tell people I'm not a. I'm not a singer, I'm not a musician. I don't have any gifts in. So I know when God made me, he didn't create me to be a singer. Okay, I like music, but I'm not created to be a singer. So sometimes that's easy to say, well, hey, I'm not going to have a singing career, so what I'm here for. But yet what I do and the work that we do often gives me an opportunity to talk about people who do music. So sometimes you may have an interest in something and it may actually turn out God wants to help you promote someone else with that gift and to encourage others in that gift. And that's kind of how I found it. But passion, purpose, go together.

No, I love that. I mean, you know, I've always, I've told my audience many, many times that, you know, I'm a there. I believe there's three great purposes in life, one of which is serving the person. Used to be. And the only way you get from that emptiness to fulfillment, to significance, is by walking out and being a good steward, what's already in your hands, making sure you're taking good care of that. And it took me. It took me personally a long time to realize that I was already in process. And I find that a lot of people are in process, but because they're at the earlier part of the process, they think it's not working. And they are. They're chasing happiness, which I believe. I'm with you. I believe it's kind of the word happiness is kind of a misnomer, so to speak. It's kind of elusive whether, however, when I'm chasing contentment and fulfillment, a lot of times I discover the passion and the purpose and the things connected to that. Has that been also kind of what you've seen in your work?

Oh, absolutely. Because I tell people happiness is something that's always temporary. I mean, you know, I think most Americans define happiness as a day at Disney World. You know, we go there and we have no cares in the world. We get to live even in an imaginary world, and. And everybody else is taking care of us. And, boy, it just can't get any better than a day at Disney World. Well, unfortunately, life is not Disney World every day. You know, there's sickness, there's. There's. There's Covid. There's. There's all these curves that life's going to throw you. But what I discovered was what you said is if you don't think about happiness because it is something you chase, it's always just a little bit further. I remember years ago, when I was a kid, there was a man who lived in our area, and he was. He didn't have a lot of contentment in his life. He just really wanted to be happy. And he owned a lot of land, and he kept just buying land, no real purpose of it. And somebody asked him, how much land do you want? And he said, I don't want all the land in the world. I just want what connects to mine. And he spent his whole life just accumulating land, thinking that was going to make him happy. And I think probably went back to a childhood that he grew up. They didn't have a place to call their home and those kind of things. So there probably was a reason for it. But I like what you said. We're work in progress. And I want to comment on that too, because one thing I've discovered, God never wastes an experience and he never wastes time. So I didn't say God was the author of everything bad happened to us. Not at all. But no matter how bad a circumstance or situation was, God can turn that in, use it in the purpose that he has for your life. Like you mentioned the fact that the homelessness that was in your life, well, you know what, that's painful. It's not fun. But you haven't wasted that experience. Because you can talk to anybody who has been through homelessness, as in homeless, and say, you can get out of this. There's something better than this. So that experience wasn't wasted. It was, you know, as you know, I think it was Thomas Edison, I think, who once said, there's really no failures, there's just learning experiences. Yeah. And I think he's right. And I think we learn from experiences, but God doesn't waste those experiences if we let him. The problem most people is they become bitter and they become upset and they blame everybody else. And I'm like, you're never going to be happy blaming everybody else for your problems because you can get where nobody wants to be around you for one thing. And, and you're not going to be happy. Happiness is when you say, wait, God's creating me for a purpose. I'm going to find that purpose and I'm going to go with it. And I'm going to realize that he can use everything bad that's happened in my life, he can use it to fulfill that purpose that he's given me.

Absolutely. I mean, the reality is I've learned far more from my adversities than I ever have from my quote unquote successes. I agree. I learned more about who I was as a person. What my limitations were are actually the fact that I didn't really have limitations. Like limitations were self imposed either by a lifeline that I chose to believe or a life, a lie that, you know, someone told me that I just kind of let absorb into me and things of that nature. And I know as you're, as we're walking this journey out, a lot of so much of that is walking in maturity. It's going from immaturity to maturity. And one of the things I've always said is that why me never leads to freedom.

That's right. That's exactly right.

What can I learn? Always leads to freedom.

Exactly.

You know, so talk to me a little bit about how someone like, so like for example, we've got, our audience is comprised of thousands of people. Right. Which is amazing. I think I thank God for them every day. Not every one of them is a believer. Many are. Many Aren't, but they choose to, to listen to the show and watch the show because of the transparency, authenticity. And I know one of the things that I've heard you talk about before is the ability to hear God's voice. I believe that God is speaking to everybody, regardless of whether or not you decide to show your attention to him just yet or not.

Right.

How can someone learn to hear that, learn to hear God's voice and maybe begin to apply it. And if they're not a person of faith yet, maybe start to test the waters, they can build that relationship. And if they are a person of faith, maybe hear him a little bit clearer.

Well, you know, first of all, I always want to make it very clear to pick to people who aren't believers that we're not people who sit around and we hear a voice audibly, like I hear your voice and you hear my voice. So I don't want people to think we're strange in that regard. But I do believe that in our hearts through what I would say is the Holy Spirit, that there are things that God impresses upon our hearts and we clearly hear his word. Now, I also believe very strong as a Christian, that the Bible is one of the ways to hear the voice of God. I believe that very strongly. In fact, people say to me sometimes, I want to hear the voice of God. How do I do that? And I say, go read the Bible out loud and you will hear the voice of God. Because I believe that's what the Bible teaches and what the Bible says. But I think we have to remember that God created us. God made us. And, you know, the person who creates something is the person who knows how it will work best. And God created us. I think he also gave us the instruction manual as the little instruction book on how to live life. And I think that is the Bible. And everybody always thinks we're smarter than God. Oh, well, I can go, yeah, I can do this. I'm smarter than God. And the whole of the Bible is the story from Adam and Eve all the way through the end to the revelation of people who thought they were smarter in God. And there may temporarily think, you know, hey, I outsmarted God. But in the end, you're going to find that God was right and that what he says is true. I mean, you know, we talk about sin when we do things, we rebel against God. The Bible is real clear. Sin is fun for a season. You know, that surprises people. The Bible tells you that sin is fun for a season. But that also means that whatever you do, there's going to be consequences as a result. And I know, you know, in the business world, one of the first things you have to learn is every decision you make is going to have a consequence, whether it's a good one or a bad one. As I say to people, sometimes if you save money, you know, when you're young and you think about retirement, yeah, that's going to have a great consequence when you get older. But if you. When you're young, like, yeah, I don't have to think about retirement. And then you find yourself 50, 55, and like, well, I got to think about retirement. And then all of a sudden you realize, wait, I've only got 10 years here to. And it's not enough time to do adequately what you need. Well, there's a consequence from that decision earlier. So I think that's the whole of God speaking to us is God's trying to tell us, I know best. Just trust me. You read the Bible. It's all about faith in God. It's about trusting God. And I tell people, we in America want instant results. But it's a. But if you trust God, in the long run, you get good results. You know, you can't go and say, hey, I want to get in shape. You know, I'm out of shape. I want to get in shape. So you go to the gym and you work out and you go home, you get up the next morning and say, I'm not in shape. The heck with that. That didn't work. No, it takes time. And I think sometimes following the plan of God, following the word of God and the will of God is what really will result in us having significance and meaning in life. Yeah, because you know that purpose, and you've done it. You're glorifying God. Yeah.

I mean, I would. I would actually consider myself the chief of sinners. Like, I screwed up so bad. Obviously, you don't end up in a homeless state without. Without doing a lot of stupid things at the same time. I had this interesting revelation maybe five or six years ago that I've. That I've shared a few times on a couple of different stages. But you know, everybody, at least in today's marketplace, the word sin, it's kind of like the word Jesus, kind of rubs them. It kind of makes them feel right.

Right.

But I had this interesting epiphany that sin. One of the reasons this is my personal opinion, one of the reasons that God hates sin is because it hurts us, not because it hurts him. So if you think about it as a loving father, like, you know, I'm a father of children. You're. I'm assuming you're a father.

Right. As well.

Right. So we love our, we love our spouses, we love our kids. We don't want them to get injured, we don't want them to get harmed. We don't want them to put their finger in a light socket. We don't want them to drop a TV on their head with pulling on a cord or any number of things. And then I realized that all the stupidness, all this goofy things that I knew better than doing, but I did them anyway because they were fun in the moment. That did have long lasting consequences. In almost every case, the sin itself hurt me, not God.

Right.

It was actually a greater love.

Well, and I believe it hurts God. I mean, there's no doubt in my mind that God wants us to be. You know, it's just like, yeah, your kids go out and they do something foolish and, and it hurts them and they bear the consequences. But as a father, it also hurts you. I mean, it hurts our heart and it may not physically harm us and we may not feel the consequences, but it still hurts. So I think it hurts the heart of God. But I understand exactly what you mean. And I often tell people, even if you say I'm going to straighten my life out, the consequences don't always go away. I have a dear friend, in fact, I saw him just a week or two ago and when he was 18 years of age, his father had really warned him about the dangers of, you know, excessive drinking. And he didn't pay any attention to him. It was Friday night, Saturday night was two nights to get drunk and one night he was with friends and he was, I mean, he was bad and he chose to drive home and he had an accident. He didn't hit anybody. It was by himself. They were able to get him out of the car, but due to the injuries to his left leg, they had to amputate his leg. And even though after that he got his life straight and he's. He today loves God and he's making all the right decisions. When he speaks to people, he tells them, but you know what? My leg never grew back. I still live with the consequences. Even though God has forgiven me and I've got my life straight now, I still live with the consequences of what I did wrong. So I meet people sometimes who'll say, well, you know, one day I'm going to tell God I'm sorry and I'm going to go to heaven. But I say, but do you understand the consequences of some of the things you're doing wrong may still be following you even then? I mean, God hasn't forgiven you. If you're sincere, he's forgiven you, but the consequences are still there. You know, my. You know, my dad was one of those that in the latter years of his life, he had smoked all my life. And in his latter years, he said, I wish I'd never done that. Because he had to deal with the lung issues, he had to deal with the heart issues, and ultimately it took his life. And he's, look, I didn't back then. You know, I could smoke cigarettes. It didn't bother me. But in later years, now I'm suffering the consequences of the choices that I made back then. And I think every choice we make is that way. There's a little bit of a ripple effect, and there are consequences. And the biggest consequence is it takes away our happiness. It takes away the joy, it takes away any. Any fulfillment that we have in life. Because sin doesn't really give you any fulfillment. It really does it. It may for the moment, but in the end, the consequences are far worse than the fulfillment.

No, I totally agree with him. My father missed a good huge chunk of my life because of alcoholism. Now he would give anything to go backwards and reconcile that. Never take a first drop of a drink or nothing like that. My mother is obviously smoked all of her life and quit maybe two years ago, but now has to deal with a dental issue that keeps arising as it related. As it relates to smoking. So I know that's totally true in regards to when. I also find that when people are chasing happiness for all the wrong reasons, maybe they're. They want to own stuff, not realizing the stuff's actually going to own them when they're trying to kind of go through that. I also find that chasing happiness also has extenuating consequences. When we're chasing happiness, what types of consequences are you seeing? People struggle with that obviously now take pastoral work to kind of work their way through.

Well, I would say there's several. One of the things I think it happens a lot of times is people become workaholics. They don't keep working life in balance. And particularly if they're young adults, and if they're married and have family, their family goes in the back burner. They ignore their family. A second one I do that I realize is people will begin to use people. If you're so driven to be happy, you don't care about the happiness of other people. And so you tend to kind of use people and even abuse people. You don't treasure people as you should. I think the third thing is you start falling prey to a lot of get rich quick schemes. I think you, you fall for, for a lot of sales pitches. You know, one of the things, you know, as an entrepreneur, I, that I've told people is one of the first things you have to do is learn the ability to say no. But if you're chasing happy and you know, you can see a television commercial and it's like, oh, if you just buy this car, you buy this boat, you buy whatever it is they're selling you. But if you just, if you just get this, you're going to be happy. So all of a sudden you fork down 25 or $50,000 to buy that car. And it was cool the first day, but then, you know, the second day, the third day, the fourth day, fries.

In between the seats and everything.

Exactly, exactly. And so that's one of the things that I see is that we, when we chase in happiness, we are losing control of our emotions to a degree and our decisions. But when you're not chasing happy and it's your purpose, I think one of the things that happens is you, you keep life in balance. And then I would say another thing that is a huge one in my opinion is you get, you lose perspective on life. Like I say, if happiness is a day at Disney World, they're going to be days, even at Disney World when it rains.

Yeah.

Okay. So even if you have the best life ever that you've ever had and you have everything wonderful, there's going to be days the doctor is going to say it's cancer or, you know, life's Covid or what. You know how many entrepreneurs I know that literally lost everything because of COVID They had made some business good business decisions because nobody ever expected everything to shut down and you wouldn't be able to do, especially those who, for example, had restaurants and, and you didn't know what to do. So one of the things that happens when you choose your purpose and not happiness, you begin to see whatever happens to me is part of the big plan. You know, in my book, I reference quite a bit a book in the Bible called Philippians. And it was written by the apostle Paul. And he's writing to these Christians, this church at Philippi.

But he starts out by explaining to them why he's in jail, which is interesting, because the book that most associated in the Bible with joy or we would Say happiness was written by a man who is sitting in a jail cell chained to soldiers 24 hours a day, and yet he's writing about how you can have joy. But he starts out by saying, wait, let me explain to you why I'm in jail. Now, why was it important? Because we know in the Bible that when Paul first went to that city, he was put in jail. But God sent an earthquake and he was set free. And as a result of that, the jailer, the jailer's family, some other people become Christians. And that's how the church started. So those Christians probably were asking, excuse me, Paul, why did God send you an earthquake then? To set you free. And now.

You know you're in jail. And Paul explained, because it's not about the miracle, it's about the purpose. And he said, my purpose as an apostle was to share the gospel of Christ, and it was to establish churches. And he said, even though I'm in jail, the purpose is the same. Because he even said, I'm seeing soldiers become Christians, even some who are in Caesar's household. And one of the things that we chase happiness is we don't know how to deal with the bad stuff in life. We don't know how to deal with the curveballs in life. We don't know how to deal when our spouse walks out or we lose a job or a business turns south, no matter how, when there's something beyond our control. And, you know, one of the things I know you teach entrepreneurs is you have to prepare for those things that are beyond your control, that you just, you know, hey, you were the best intentions and you've worked hard, but then all of a sudden, you know, the city changes an ordinance or, you know, your. Your nightmare competition decides they're going to go right down the road from you. Maybe they're bigger, better, you know, franchise. And all of a sudden, it's going to hurt. So how do you deal with that? Well, if you're chasing happiness, all of a sudden, you're going to be devastated. But if you know your purpose, if you. And you stick with the purpose God gave you, you say, lord, this is a teaching moment. I've done my best. I'm going to learn from it. But you don't become bitter about it. You don't become angry about it. You look at it and say, you know what? I'm not sure what God is doing. And how many people do I know that have chased their purpose instead of happiness? That something comes along and it's the worst experience in the world. It's horrible. Yet God was able to move them from that situation to another situation. That literally, that literally made it so much better for them. And it's just because when you. When you're chasing purpose instead of happiness, that's one of the results. And you get a contentment. And a contentment that I would say, and I would use the word joy, because joy is not dependent on things, whereas happiness is totally circumstantial. Joy is not. Joy is something that's deeper than happiness.

Yeah, it's interesting. I was. I was just thinking to myself about, obviously part of my maturing process.

We refer to as going from stuck to unstoppable. Right. So it's never making progress to consistently making progress regardless of the circumstances.

Right.

Regardless of the lack of resource, lack of knowledge, all that stuff comes your way when you're doing the right work in the right way. Big believer in purpose as well. But one of the things that jumps out to jumps the top of mind is the importance of gratitude, just being thankful. What role have you seen gratitude play in people who ultimately kind of beat the syndrome of chasing happiness and honor fulfillment?

Well, I got to tell you, when I studied people that observing their lives were truly joyful and happy, the one characteristic above everything else of every one of them, they were truly grateful people. They knew the ability to say thank you, and they said it often. You know, you probably heard this before, but when I was a kid, I remember a man saying to me one day, he said, if you're ever walking out on a country farm and you see a turtle sitting on the top of a fence post, you know, he didn't get there by himself. And I think some of us think we've climbed up there by ourselves. And so I. I've discovered that people who really are grateful and they're thankful for the opportunities and, and they look for opportunities to say thank you. Sometimes people call that giving back. And it may tangibly be giving back or just expressing that thank you, that gratitude. It is absolutely amazing what it does to you, much less to the person who hears it. Because, you know, some people hear it all the time. I mean, you know, some people are in. In a position where they hear thank you quite often. It's just the nature, particularly if, you know, if we speak or if we sing or we're in front of an audience, it's natural. People come up and say, man, I enjoyed Stephen.

That was awesome.

It was great. So we hear thank you. But, you know, nobody ever think the sound guy, you Know, nobody ever takes time, like I say in a restaurant to say, you know, hey, would you tell the cook, thanks, because that was just awesome. You know, I've even tell people sometimes, if you have a little motto that I kind of live by that says, make somebody's day every day. And every day, try to find one thing you can do that just catches somebody by surprise, but it makes their day something. You know, Mark Twain said he could live on a good compliment for six months. And most people never hear a thank you. I give you exact one. Sometimes I've gone to a restaurant and the service has just been above board. Incredible. And you say to the waiter, I need to see the manager. Well, the waiter immediately thinks, oh, gosh, I'm fixing to get creamed. And so the manager comes out and says, is there a problem? Because that's when you call for the manager and you say, no, there's not a problem. I just want to tell you that this young man, this young lady, has given me incredible service, and I will leave them a nice tip. But I wanted you to know, as the manager, what an exceptional person you have working for you. Now, I got to tell you that does that makes a manager feel good? Because most of the time when he gets called, there's a problem. But can you imagine what that waiter thinks? And I always laugh. I say, you know, not only that everybody wants to wait on you the next time you go in. Not. Not because that was your motive, but people like to be around thankful people. People like to be grateful. You know, when I'm flying, I get tickled how many times I get bumped up to first class. And people say, why? Because I said, when people up there, you know, at the. At the desk, and they're telling these people what they think, and they're mad and they're angry. I said, you just walk up there and say, excuse me, What. What do you like at Starbucks? Or what. What. What soda do you like? And they may be reluctant to say, well, I drink Diet Pepsi. So you go get them one and bring it back and say, look, I just want you to know I'm thankful for you. They may not drink it right then. They might drink it at all. But the fact that you said, thank you, gratitude is huge. And most people think they're grateful, but they never express it. And some people are grateful. Because if you think everything you've done, if you think you got on the top of that fence post by yourself, I got news for you. You did. There are tons of people who have made it possible for you to do that. And we never say to those people, thank you. Yeah, gratitude and happiness are huge together.

Yeah, I mean, it seems to me too there's, you know, there's really two elements of gratitude, obviously. One is outward facing. Right. We can inspire, encourage, and teach. One is inward facing. And I know for me, in my maturity process, trying to get to kind of where I am in life now, where I can ultimately serve and give back on scale, one of the things that struck me is I used to have to tell myself thank you and be thankful for the moments and the days and everything, even when I didn't believe it. And I finally said it so much to myself that I began to feel it and believe it on a day in and out basis. Do you find that might be a helpful technique for other people?

Of course. I think anytime you say thank you, even, you know, there's something I tell people when they're trying to break a bad habit, not necessarily a sinful habit, but just a bad habit or something they do. I tell them, I say, when you go through a certain period of time and you don't, you don't do that. You know, like, for example, I have a friend, he's notoriously late for everything, never gets anywhere on time. Okay? It's just part of his DNA. He almost feels guilty if he gets there on time, and he wants to be there on time. So I told him, I said, look, the next time you're on time, celebrate it. I mean, thank yourself whatever you do. And I said, even if it's in front of people, just say, I just like to express my gratitude to myself for getting here on time and sit down. And of course he did that. Everybody laughed. They thought it was hilarious because he knew how late he was and, and because most of the time we don't change our behavior until there's a reward or there's a punishment. And so, you know, the ball said, if you write one more time, you're going to be fired. That's punishment, but reward. And sometimes we don't give ourselves enough rewards. We don't allow ourselves to celebrate what we just did. And that's not selfishness. It's just those victories, like you say, to say to yourself, you know, thank you, man, you made a good choice. And I call that talking to yourself. But it almost is like that, that sometimes we process it, that we, we can be proud of ourselves in a healthy way for what we just did. Not that we need the applause of other people. No, you don't. Need that. But sometimes it's okay to say to yourself, sure, absolutely. I do that quite often, by the way.

Yeah. I mean, I found it's a great practice. Right.

It.

It develops confidence and humility at the same time.

Right. And it gives you perspective.

Exactly, exactly. And Albany perspective gives you a deeper level of understanding, which then creates wisdom. So it's. You can't go wrong with it. Right. I do want to ask a question that is book centered.

Right.

So obviously we've been talking about a lot of amazing concepts that are in the book. Stop Chasing Happiness is definitely a must read for a lot of folks. I'm also, as an author myself, I believe that the works that I do often call me to them, and often I'm writing them to really one or two people. I'll spend the entire time just trying to help that person overcome. I'm curious, in a Covid environment in 2021.

What was the purpose, if you will, not to infringe upon a word.

Right.

But what was the purpose behind bringing this book to the marketplace right now, in today's time, and not five years from now or five years ago?

Because for several years I've wanted to write this book, but I wanted to make sure I did my research well before I started. Because for years, you know how many people have said this to me, I just want to be happy, you know, and sometimes it was in the context of maybe they wanting some counsel, you know, well, I'm not happy in my marriage. I just want to be happy. Or I don't like my job, I just want to be happy. Or I just. And I started realizing that a lot of these people, their marriage got better or they got a different job, or they. They got whatever they thought would give them happiness. And then they're back talking to me six months later, a year, and like, well, I thought I'd be happy with this job, but I'm not happy. And I started realizing the problem was not the job. The problem was what was going on in their heart. Because most people sit down and here's what I hear a lot. I would be happy if. And they fill in the blank. Yeah. And I got to tell you, if you start from the premise of I would be happy if, you're always going to find once you fill in that blank, the sentence gets longer and there's another blank, because there's always going to be another if. There's always going to be something else that you're going to think. So I wanted to help people, hey, look, stop chasing you know, it's a little bit. You know, we were kids, you know, we always heard that little rhyme about there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. And how, you know, we really, really believed that. And it was like, yes, but if you go after the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you're never going to get to the end of rainbow. It's pretty, it's alluring. You go there, but you're going to be perpetually going around the world because.

Just keeps moving with you.

It keeps moving with you. Absolutely. And the same thing with happiness. And so I really wanted to help people because what my passion is, literally, is to help people to have a right relationship with the Lord, but also to find in their that they enjoy life, that they live life. And I think you've achieved happiness when you have everything you need, you're doing everything you need to do, and there's no ifs. I mean, literally, you know that old song, God Bless the usa, Lee Greenwood? Did you know, it starts out if tomorrow, you know, all the things were gone that I've worked for all my life.

Yeah.

I had to start again with just my children and my wife, you know. Of course, he goes on to say, I think my lucky stars, I'd be living here today. I'm not going to sing for you. But, but, but if tomorrow all the stuff went away, if tomorrow everything you lost it all.

Would you still have joy? Now, you may not be comfortable, but would you still have joy? Would you still have happiness? Because, see, happiness. And what I've been trying to say, I think, Stephen, is happiness is a byproduct, not something we find it is the byproduct of knowing your mission is to glorify God, Finding what you were created to do on God's team, whatever it is, being content with playing that role, doing it well. And then you'll have people walk up to you and say, how are you so happy? Because when I went to the people I thought was the happiest, not a single one of them said, well, you know, I've never thought about it. I never really tried to be happy. And I'm like, wait, you're the happiest people? You had to know all the people who were trying to be happy weren't happy. Happy people were those who weren't trying. So that's why I tell people, stop chasing happy and start pursuing your purpose.

Yeah, I mean, I was on another show not too long ago, and I had a young man that I'd Met just before there. He's like, well, when I make it, I'm like, what does make it mean?

Right?

Can you define what. Can you define to me what make it means? He's like, well.

Not.

Not really. I said, well, when you can define it, then you have a destination, right? Now you don't have a destination.

Right.

You're basing your make it on what you see on Instagram or Facebook or TikTok or any of these social platforms. And what you're consistently doing is comparing yourself to someone else rather than running your race. Right, Right, man, I'm gonna tell you what. I've enjoyed the conversation.

Everybody's got a good friend.

Yeah, man, everybody's got to pick out the tech, pick up the book, for sure. I'm curious, where can everybody find Stop Chasing Happiness?

You can find it anywhere. You buy books, go to Amazon, it's there. You can go to Barnes and Noble. Is there books? A million. All of those. It's everywhere. You can buy books, Amazon, it doesn't matter. And there's a special website, by the way, called stopchasinghappy.com if people want to go there. That's just for the book. But I love people to read it. Most people say that it's an easy read, it's not a hard read. I wrote it for people who just really want to find what's meaning. And I answer all the questions in the book about what do you do when life throws you a curve? How do you be happy through that? And it keeps going back to finding your purpose, finding why God put you here, doing it, and doing it well. And when you do that, you glorify him. The end result is, you may not think of it as chasing happy, but everybody is going to know. Man, there is just something different about you. Why are you so contented? Why are you so happy? And I have also. This is what's been amazing to me. We have time to discuss it. I find when you get that kind of contentment, stuff starts chasing you.

Oh, it really does.

I don't mean you get rich. That's not what I mean. But all of a sudden, stuff starts chasing you. People want to be your friends, people want your counsel, they want your advice, because they see something in you that they don't see in all the people who are trying to chase happiness.

Yeah, well, and I'll add to the. To the. To the listenership and the viewership, the Stop Chasing Happy is also highly actionable, actual action steps, not just, okay, this is a theology or belief this is A, right. This is step A, step B, step C, step D. And that's one of the things I greatly appreciate about it. But, Pastor Phil, I can't thank you enough for coming on and spending some time with me today, man.

Thank you, Stephen. It's been a delight.

All right, my friend. I'll take you on the next one. Take care.

Take care.

See you. If you love that interview, go ahead and check out this next one right here.

Mindset is your belief. What you believe changes not only how you think about things and your approach to things, but can change your true physiology.