In this YouTube monologue, self‑styled "fun coach" Tamika opens with a Psalm quote to warn against surface‑level social connections that drain energy. She shares an anecdote from one of her parenting workshops about a mother whose day is a nonstop cycle of chores, work, and social media, illustrating how constant energy withdrawals leave little for her children. Tamika then outlines three tell‑tale signs of an unavailable parent: (1) being always busy—prioritizing phones, friends, and external drama over child interaction, driven by emotional wounds and fear of intimacy; (2) being always bothered—allowing draining environments to sap limited daily energy, leading to irritability and neglect of the child’s needs; (3) being always bossy—exerting control, often through fear conditioning (e.g., spanking), reflecting a need to dominate and deflect personal fears. She frames these behaviors as consequences of mismanaged energy and shallow connections, recommends self‑care, therapy, and a "pour‑into‑yourself first" mindset, and concludes with a call to action to like, subscribe, share, and comment.
Chapters
Hey y'all, fun coach Tamika here, and welcome back to my channel. Today we will discuss three signs that you're an unavailable parent. Let's get into it. Psalms one and one says, "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful." Simply put, stop hanging out with surface-level people who only talk about people, places, and things. It's draining. I always say God called us. To have deeper connections, and most people lack capacity to go deep due to excessive amount of surface-level connections. I see so many parents who are extremely short-tempered and impatient with their children, and it's unfair due to what I like to call a mismanagement of energy. I remember a mom who attended one of my parenting workshops My workshops are interactive, so I remember her raising her hand and saying, Miss Tamika, can you tell me what I can do to get more patience? And I was so excited that she asked the question. I was like, ooh, let's talk more about this. We begin to talk, and I asked her a question: run down what a typical day looks like. So she tells me how she gets the kids up, she feeds them, she drops them off at school, she goes to work, she's in traffic, she comes home, she feeds them, and it's like rinse and repeat. Then she says, I have No time for myself, very little time for my husband, and the kids get on my nerves sometimes. Can I say that? So I asked her, I was like, so you don't talk to friends or anything? She was like, oh yeah, me and my friends talk all the time. I would probably be crazy if I didn't talk to my friends. And so I asked her, are you on social media? Do you watch TV? Do you— what are your guilty pleasures? And so she began to tell me, yeah, I'm on social media. I scroll sometimes when I'm at work or, you know, just to kind of get my mind off of things. And my guilty pleasures are Reality TV, and so I asked her, "Who do you follow on social media?" So she begins to tell me about you know the gossip blogs, and you know I got to stay in the know, try to figure out what's going on. So then I said, "Let me guess, you and your friends catch up on the celebrity gossip and or the news, and you talk about what's going on in other people's lives, right?" And she chuckled and was like, "Yeah, we do. You know, we figure that's our way of being entertained." And I said, "That's the problem. You have way too many energy drains and not enough." life-giving connection, and this is what's causing you to be in a constant state of impatience. I said, think of your energy like a bank account. If you're constantly making withdrawals with little to no deposits, what do you think will happen to the bank? She was like, girl, the bank account will be closed and they'll probably be sending me to jail. We laughed, and then I told her, I said, yeah, and your child is the jailer because essentially you're stealing energy from your little human to exert on worrying about other people's problems, people who don't even know you exist, and you all up in their business. So what you're saying is their life and drama is worth more to you than the energy that you have for your little human. Did that sting a little bit? Good. So here are the 3 signs that you're an unavailable parent. The first sign is you're always busy. Your child wants to talk to you, you're on the phone. Your child acts out, you put them in timeout or Lord forbid even hit them. Anytime, and I do mean any available moment you have, you are watching, listening to, or talking to someone other than your little human. Most of us desire to be loved. However, due to emotional wounds, most of us are unwilling to love ourselves. This causes surface-level connections, and they're a huge drain on the energy system, let me tell you. So why do we continue to choose people who lack capacity to go deep? Because we're afraid of true intimacy. I heard the breakdown of the word intimacy that I really like into me. See? And that's not the vain, selfie-taking, self-absorbed, I'mma do me attitude. As a matter of fact, people who are self-absorbed and self-obsessed lack capacity to develop true intimate relationships because too much of anything is always unhealthy. Digressing for now though, we all have a very limited supply of energy every single day. And when we squander those energies on people, places, and things that don't add value to our lives, we're setting our children up to fail because now we have little to no energy left to dedicate to their development. And as a parent, our priority is our children. They get the first of the pour, meaning we're a cup. Think of ourselves as a cup. We pour into ourselves first so that we can pour Into others what we've already poured into ourselves. Our children are the first of the pour. So when you don't follow this protocol and pour goodness and good stuff into yourself so that you can spill this goodness onto your little human, now you come home and you snapping at them. You treat them as if they are a bother instead of a blessing. And think about this, how would you feel If someone treated you as if you were bothering them, you probably wouldn't want to stick around long. I'm digressing again. So the sign number next that you're unavailable parent is you're always bothered. I've made a practice of not sticking around in environments that drain me simply because I understand the principle of our limited amount of energy supply each day. Because I have at least four humans that I am responsible for showing up for. I know that I was assigned to them, so they get the first. And the best of the poor. Everyone else is next in line. Doesn't mean that they get shabby leftovers. However, they get next. Now, if parents adopted this philosophy of poor, then poor, they would have more peace at home. Now, this last sign is the most important sign because parents are guilty of this and being very, very, very, very, very entitled. Okay? Now, when I say this, don't throw the phone at me. All right? Because I still love you. Okay? Remember that. But I need you to come closer for this one. A little bit closer, a little bit closer. All right, you ready? The third sign that you're an unavailable parent is you're always bossy. Get over here, do this, don't do that, stop doing this, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I cannot tell you how many times I witnessed parents being so bossy to their children, and I'm sitting over here saying to myself like, dang, I do not want to be your child. And don't get me started on other adults who have authority over a child, like our public school peeps. Adults have no right to dominate and control the soul of a child. However, they do it every day. This is why people still want to spank their children. In all my years of working with behaviors in children, I realize sometimes the behavior that you see in your child is due to the conditioned fear of adults, mostly in schools. Some adults who lack emotional intelligence use fear conditioning To scare children into obedience. Spanking, in my opinion, is a form of fear conditioning. However, I'm going to digress because y'all can go watch my video on spanking. Public schools are a breeding ground for patronizing authoritarian adults where they believe children should be conditioned not to think but to perform. Children are often placed in a position for adults to prove How illogical they think. And this is why you're constantly bossing your child around. You're deflecting your fears onto them and trying to prove that their thinking is illogical. So do yourself and your child a favor. Therapy. Get to the bottom of your need to control your child fiercely so that you can become more emotionally available, have more fun, and less fuss. Hope this was helpful. Be sure to hit like and subscribe, share with your friends, drop a comment below, let me know what you think about it, and I'll see you next video.
