In this video, Fun Coach Tameka (Tameka Anderson) examines the gap between performing faith for the church’s approval and living an authentic, present faith, especially as it affects Christian parenting. She argues that many churches reward shallow vulnerability while shunning truth that makes people uncomfortable, leading to a culture of inauthenticity that children observe and mimic. Drawing on personal childhood experiences of religious hypocrisy and trauma, she cites biblical passages (Ephesians 4:25, Psalm 66:16, Revelation 12:10‑11, Ephesians 6:4, 1 John 1:9) to illustrate the scriptural call for truth, repentance, and honest communication. Tameka explains how this environment can cause children to edit their truth, become performance‑oriented, and distrust both parents and God. She emphasizes the need for parents to model genuine repentance and honest confession, not just demand it from their kids. As a practical step, she promotes a 7‑day “Guard Your Heart Challenge” designed to help adults begin practicing authentic repentance and emotional safety at home, with a link provided in the description.
Chapters
Have you ever wondered if you're being really authentic at church, or if you've gotten really good at giving the version that they're comfortable with? I think there's a difference between being vulnerable and being seen as valuable in the church. You can tell people you're struggling, tell them you had a bad week. You can admit you have anxiety, insecurity, temptation, anger, and everybody will say, oh, thank you for being vulnerable. I think that's a very important distinction. But what happens when the truth makes people uncomfortable? When your story doesn't fit the testimonial template that the church has? Today I want to walk through what I've learned about the difference between performing faith in the church and actually developing your faith in the church. I want to discuss it from the lens of my own childhood because Christian parenting has now entered the chat. Stick with me to the end because the last thing I want to talk about is not It's about what our children are seeing us do or not do at home. PTSD. I'm Fun Coach Tameka. I coach Christian moms through my Safe Humans Thrive framework, and this video is about what a lot of us underestimate: the gap between raising a child who performs as a good Christian versus the one who's present in their faith. I realized church taught me how to be a better people pleaser and performer, mostly because the truth makes people uncomfortable in the very place I thought we were supposed to have a foundation of truth. So it begs the question, how authentic are we in church? I've been in church a very, very long time, and no matter the size of the church, The culture is still the same. Inauthenticity masquerading as Christianity. The Bible explains why the church rewards fake honesty and punishes the real thing. Ephesians 4:25 tells us, putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor. I've been in church a very, very, very long time. And what I've learned is that church culture— Can't handle the truth. Doesn't really want the full truth. And part of the truth is It's still a lie. You can tell people you're struggling. You can confess something small. Bonus points if you say somebody did something to you. And everybody celebrates that as being authentic. But what happens when your vulnerability makes people uncomfortable? When the truth implicates someone the church loves? When you're angry with God or questioning your faith? In Psalm 66:16, David tells us that if we love God, we should share what he's done for our Then Revelations 12:10-11 tells us how we overcome the accuser by sharing our testimonies. I grew up in a religious environment where we were in church 5 days a week, and we barely made it to the car before the adults was cussing me out. And because of that behavior, I used to think this must be what it means to be a Christian, and God must be a hypocrite. I began hating God because the adults around me were doing one thing and saying another. So if your child doesn't see you being the same person both on and off the field, they don't just learn to distrust you. They also learn to distrust God, which is ultimately Satan's playground because he wants to break our idea of community. So let's call it what it is. If your church only values the watered-down version of you, it's not a community. It's control. And I think this is where Christian parenting needs to enter the chat because we can accidentally create the exact inauthentic environment of the church at home. So you have to ask yourself, are you raising an authentic child? The Bible warns about Christian parents who say, you can tell me anything, but really mean anything that doesn't challenge my authority. Ephesians 6:4 tells us to provoke not your children to wrath. A child who has to edit the truth to To stay emotionally safe with you is being provoked into silence, not raised into honesty. My team made a major decision without having a conversation with me one day. So I asked her, why didn't you feel safe to talk to me before making that decision? Because I understand we as humans will either approach or avoid a conversation based on our perceived level of safety. She says, oh, I knew you would judge me for it. Yikes. So then we had a conversation about that, and I told her how valuable her feedback was for me, and I would work on not being judgmental about teen things because she was right. So can your child tell you when you're wrong, when you've hurt them, when they're angry? Can they have questions about God without you panicking? If the answer is no, you're not raising a child to be authentic in truth. You're raising Someone who's compliant as long as they don't challenge you. If your child has to edit the truth in order to be emotionally safe with you, that's not presence, that's performance. When I was younger, I didn't hate God because I was angry. I hated the idea of God who demanded that I water myself down and wasn't authentic, mostly because how the adults were raising me. They were not authentic. The church does not value authenticity, unfortunately. I don't believe the answer is to make Christianity less truthful. I believe we need to make our Christian spaces more capable of handling the truth. And it starts with something nobody wants to model, which is repentance. Not the performed kind, the kind that you actually look at yourself and notice what's going on within you so that you can Repent, which is to turn away and make a change. And that's the exact reason why I have my Guard Your Heart Challenge. 7 days to practical ways of starting with yourself before you even think to bring this to your child. The link is in the description below because I've realized that our children need to see us repent. The Bible warns what your child learns when they're taught to apologize but never see you do it. 1 John 1:9 tells us, if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us. Confession isn't something we just require of our children. They need to see us modeling it with them. Adults never apologized to me for anything when I was younger. And we teach children, respect your elders, obey your parents, tell the truth, forgive people, be humble. But what are they watching us do when we are Unrepentant, we don't forgive, we tell them to lie and tell someone that we don't want to talk to that we're not here. If we want our children to experience authentic faith, they need to see us practice it first, and that starts with repentance. You should not have to pretend that you're perfect in order for your child to believe that you're a Christian. So ask yourself this question. Am I authentic? I'm still practicing what that fully looks like in me. But I know this. I don't want to raise children who are an expert at pretending to be a Christian. I want to raise humans who can tell the truth, humans who can say that hurt me, humans who can say I was wrong, humans who don't have to hide their humanity to belong. Because if we want our children to become someone else in order to be accepted, we're teaching them how to perform, not be present. And if you need some practical ways to practice this, be sure to grab my 7-Day Guard Your Heart Challenge. The link is in the description below, and I'll see you next video.
