In this solo, faith‑informed self‑help video, therapist and mental‑health coach Tameka Anderson draws on eight years of trauma‑therapy experience to expose six pervasive false beliefs—"lies"—that keep people stuck in their healing journeys. She explains how each lie (1) "I should be over this by now," (2) "Others have it worse, so I shouldn't feel this way," (3) "I can handle this alone," (4) "I don't deserve to heal," (5) "I'm too broken to heal," and (6) "It's too late for me") originates from projection and toxic healing culture, illustrates each with personal anecdotes and biblical references, and offers concrete counter‑actions. Anderson emphasizes the importance of community, self‑compassion, and spiritual grounding, and concludes with a concise "ABC of Healing" formula—Awareness of triggers, Boundaries around them, and Conflict resolution (internal first, then external). The video ends with calls to action (journal link, subscription) and a promise of further content on toxic healing culture.
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That hinders our healing. I've gone from saying, oh, red flags, to now saying the adults around you saying, stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about. PTSD. Hey y'all, Fun Cuts Tameka here. Today we're gonna discuss 6 lies you believe that are blocking your healing, what to do to stop believing the lies immediately for healthier relationships, and how to get unstuck in your healing journey. Stick around to the end and I'll share my easy formula For healing faster. John 8:32 says, and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. Okay, so I've been in trauma therapy for the past 8 years. It wasn't until this year that my healing pretty much was expedited because, like Myron Golden says, I was stuck like Chuck in a pickup truck. So I want to share how faulty belief systems are the reason we get stuck in our healing journey. I'm a super curious person, so I took a deep dive into these 6 Lies, and I realized that faulty belief is rooted in projection. Projection from other people and how they think that we should show up and be in the world. The unfortunate truth is most people don't know how to be with any emotions outside of happy, and truth be told, they don't even know how to be happy. However, I digress. But if you're anything like me as a child, the adults around you saying, "Stop crying," or "I'll give you something to cry about," and we wonder why so many people are walking around so. Emotionally unavailable. So lie number 1 is I should be over this by now. Due to what I have coined as the toxic healing culture— and yes, I will be doing a video about that, so stay tuned— people have a misconception of what healing really looks like. Stop me if you heard this: dang, you not over that yet? Or how many times we gonna talk about this? If you're not careful, people who are not available to their emotions will try to rush you to get over certain things Because they're uncomfortable with how uncomfortable the feelings make them. So if you ever feel obligated to repress feelings, that ain't never a good thing. We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are. And I always say we must be careful not to view ourselves through the lens of someone else because you don't know what they're focused on. When I hear somebody say something like, "I can tell when someone is healed with an ED," I immediately. Tune out and stop listening because I know that that is part of the toxic healing culture. Maybe they're healing culture vultures and they're selling healing to people. The quote that says, in the midst of every tragedy, there's a great opportunity. So they're opportunists. They prey on the emotionally vulnerable. Digressing again, healing is not a one and done, to and through, or even an event that you attend, get a certificate and yay, now you're healed. That's not the way it goes. It's an ongoing process. That's why we call it a journey. And like James Baldwin so eloquently put it, I am saying that a journey is called that because you cannot know what you will discover on the journey, what you will do with what you find, or what you find will do to you. Oh, I love that quote. When you're on a healing journey, you won't know what you'll find until you meet somebody who challenges you to act on your belief. So what do I mean by that? 3 years ago, I met someone on a dating site and A month into us getting to know each other, I noticed a very familiar unhealthy pattern. So I ended things and I was a little hard on myself at first because I was just like, dang girl, honey, how long you been in trauma therapy and you not over this yet? Until I had a conversation with my therapist and she was like, Tameka, look how much progress you've made. Back in the day, you used to date people for years before even paying attention to the red flags. And now you were able to spot your non-negotiables within a month. And I was so grateful for her helping me to shift my focus from the mistake that I made to the progress that I'm actually making, because I've gone from saying, oh, red flags, to now saying non-negotiable progress. Lie number 2: others have it worse, so I shouldn't feel this way. Comparison is the thief of joy, as As someone who have often found myself comparing myself to other people, it's never a good thing. I was having a conversation with my youngest daughter about this, and I told her to pay attention to how she reacts immediately after she finds herself comparing herself to someone else. Anytime I find myself comparing myself to someone else, what I do immediately after that, never good. And I always say God went through the trouble to ensure no one, not even the people who share the same womb, have the same fingerprint because all of us are unique. And again, comparison is also another form of projection from someone else. I was at church one day and I saw someone and she was like, girl, where you been? And I looked at her and I was like, child, spiritual warfare is a real thing. And without blinking an eye or taking a breath, she immediately said, yes, it is. Can you imagine Me working for the church and how much warfare I'm going through. I had to be very intentional when I stopped myself from diminishing my emotional pain due to her comparing what she, you know, is going through to me. So I say pay close attention to people in your circle who diminish your pain because that hinders our healing. Lie number 3 is probably my favorite lie. Let me tell you Why? I can handle this alone. So what I've learned is that trauma blocks love and connection. However, it's only by way of love and connection can we truly heal. Isolation is the enemy to healing. I know the pain is real. I know it still hurts. I know it seems impossible to trust after betrayal. And I also know how it is not having a supportive circle that you can lean on. However, if you listen to Nothing else, I will challenge you to learn how to find safe people that you can be in community with. So you're not doing this alone. We can't do this alone. It is impossible. I heard someone say that relational wounds can only be healed in relationships. So you can't really heal until you're able to practice what you've learned and believe. And we are wired for community. So anytime we knowingly and unknowingly isolate ourselves from community, we are also adding more trauma because we're not giving our soul what it actually needs. I remember 2 weeks ago I had a debilitating decision to make. I had no idea what to do, which way to go. So I reached out to a couple of my inner circle peeps and I said, I don't need you to fix this for me. I just need you to help me think differently about this. And within 12 hours, the problem was solved. I attribute that to God and my squad. And that is the power of community. Healing happens faster in safe communities. So stop trying to do it alone. It is a lie. You don't have to do it alone. And there are people that you can trust. You just need to learn how to get quiet and allow God's gift of discernment to operate fully in your life. Lie number 4, I don't deserve to heal. So shame and guilt used to be the name of the The game for me. When you grow up with adults who are laden in shame and guilt, they pass that on to you. And so now you're walking around with all of this stuff. It doesn't even belong to you, but it's getting in the way of your healing. There's nothing we've ever done, can do, or think about that God doesn't see and know about and is able and willing to forgive us and love us through it if we humble ourselves enough to come to him with it. Lie number 5, I'm just too broken to heal. So here's another one dripping in projection. I remember I dated someone and he was just very condescending, and to me it didn't make sense, the thing that he was condescending about. He thought that he was so much better than me because his parents stayed married until his father passed away when he was an adult. And my thing is My parents also stayed married until my father passed away, even though I was a child when he passed away and I didn't really live with them due to their addictions. I shared my story with him and it was just very interesting to me that he took this perspective. Little did he know that me and his mother had tons of conversations, deep conversations, and she shared with me that his father also grew up in foster care. And that's That's the reason why he spoiled his children, because he didn't want them to have a hard life like he did. Well, well, well, well, so much in common we had. It was easier for him to project onto me that I was the one that was too broken for our relationship to last, even though it's— that was a projection of how he truly felt about himself. I didn't feel that way about him, nor me, and I still don't and won't ever. Matter of fact, I do not like to even attribute the term broken as it relates to people. Wounded, maybe. Broken, never. So if you have thoughts that you're too broken to heal, it's a good guess that those are not your thoughts. They are projection from someone else because it's just not true. Now, this last lie is a doozy for me, and the older I get, the more I kind of wrestle with it due to the societal expectations. So the last lie is It's too late for me. If God woke you up this morning, it ain't too late. If you're breathing, it ain't too late. If you watching me right now, it ain't too late. So stop listening to anything and anyone who perpetuates this lie. I had to stop following certain social media accounts because they were projecting this. Gossip blogs, most relationship podcasts, and anything that contradicts what God says about me. Me, unsubscribe, delete, unfollow. Bonus: so I've developed a fast formula called ABC of Healing, and this helps you to heal faster and easier. The A is for being aware of your triggers. So if you're not already aware of your triggers, it's a good idea for you to allow yourself to be seen in the presence of a mental health professional and safe and supportive people, because the B is you need to practice healthy boundaries around your triggers. So what that looks like is a trigger for me used to be rejection. So a boundary that I set around those triggers for myself is I went immediately— when I feel triggered, I'm off social media, I'm not having conversations with people, and I get quiet, get in the face and space with God, get to journaling how I truly feel because it leads to the C, resolving the conflict. Now, I resolve the conflict internally first. How did this make me feel? What was the feeling? Why did I feel this way? What was it about that action from the other person that prompted this feeling? So I can resolve that. Now, a lot of the times the conflict is internal, so I resolve the conflict internally, and if there's nothing to resolve outwardly, then we're done there. But if there's something to resolve with someone else, I go to that other person after I've done it with God and myself first. Now, the journal prompt of the day will be in the description below. Also, if you'd like to grab one of my healing journals, the link is also in the description below. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe to receive notifications. Hope this was helpful, and see you next video.
