In this YouTube video, Fun Coach Tameka Anderson explains how family estrangement often results in PTSD‑like trauma, chronic isolation, and difficulty forming trusting relationships. She shares a personal health crisis (asthma attacks) to illustrate the loneliness many estranged adult children feel, then identifies pride as a hidden shield that blocks vulnerability and deep connection. Tameka introduces a "cry party"—a structured group session of meditation, journaling, affirmations, and collective crying—as a concrete method for practicing safe vulnerability. She discusses the importance of answering the existential question "Who am I?" by cultivating quiet time with God, self‑awareness, and self‑love, rather than relying on external validation. Throughout, she emphasizes that healing is relational: therapy, supportive communities, and intentional conversation are essential. The video ends with a journal prompt about identity, an invitation to free virtual safe‑space events, and a call to like, share, and subscribe.
Chapters
We must stop. There is one major issue that we struggle with that slows down our healing. PTSD. Hey y'all, Fun Coach Tameka here. Today we're going to discuss why estrangement causes this type of trauma, what to do now about it, and how to answer the question, who am I? Stick around to the end and I'll show you how to heal faster In order to reach your full potential. So being an estranged adult child, it's about a deep emotional and psychological challenge that impacts us and sticks around for a long time. We need real solutions to help us heal faster. There is one major issue that we struggle with that slows down our healing, which leads me to my first question. How do we find people that we can lean on? Last year, I thought I had a cold. I was taking some cold medicine for it. I wasn't getting better. So one day I was working and I just kept coughing. I couldn't stop coughing. And Holy Spirit prompted me to Google how to know if you're having an asthma attack. And come to find out, I had the symptoms of asthma attacks. So I went to the emergency room. Long story short, they gave me some breathing treatments and They told me that I had acute asthma. Now, I had never really struggled with that any of my life. I just knew I had allergies. When I was dealing with that, I was sick for like a couple months because I had back-to-back asthma attacks. I lost my voice. I couldn't talk. And I was very sad and alone because I didn't have someone who would come sit with me. I felt this way because I did What most estranged adult children do. We must stop isolating. So estrangement can lead to feelings of sadness, rejection, and it causes us to unfortunately isolate. But it's like having a wound that doesn't heal because the source of the pain is wrapped up in our identity and sense of belonging. So healing from this Starts with acknowledging the feelings, going to therapy, finding a supportive community. However, being in community is a huge barrier for us estranged adult children simply because if the community that you originally have come from was not safe, it is very, very difficult for you to establish a sense of safety in community, which leads to the next question and point. Why is it so difficult to form trusting relationships? I remember when I was dating this guy who was younger than me, I had a feeling that I shouldn't talk to him. However, I didn't trust the feeling. Y'all probably already know where this is going. And I began listening to his lies and he lied and lied and lied. And then love bombing came shortly after that. Once I realized that he was love bombing me, you would think that I would In this relationship, right? Nope, I sure did not. I waited until this little dude had literally completely utterly blew up my life with his foolishness before I finally left him alone. And it was because of this reason: I was disconnected from myself. So estrangement can make it really tough to form trusting relationships. Once you've been hurt By people closest to you, it's a natural reaction to kind of put up walls and try to protect yourself. The problem with the walls is that we as humans were designed to be in relationship with each other, to be in community with each other, and to connect with people. So I realized that we put up this shield as a way of trying to protect ourselves, However, this particular shield only disconnects us from who God called us to be. And the shield that I'm talking about is pride, y'all. I hear you. Uh, what you talking about, Tameka? I don't have no pride. I don't struggle with pride. I'm the most humble person I know. And to that, I ask that you just dig deeper because here's the thing. If you isolate, if you disconnect from yourself and others, if you Are more prone to people lying and manipulating you, love bombing you. There is some pride there. I'm going to do a video series on pride, so stay tuned. Okay. Back to this point. Pride is horrible. Nothing good comes from pride. I understand now why God hates pride. Like in the Bible, you don't hear God saying hate too much, but pride is one of those things that God says he hates because pride Pride invites all kinds of evil. Pride subjects you to manipulation. A lot of tragedy comes from pride. Proverbs 8:13 says, the fear of the Lord is to hate evil, pride and arrogancy and the evil way and the forward mouth do I hate. So we live 99% of our lives behind these walls, this shield of pride. And then when we become lonely, we attract and choose people who are emotional predators. They hurt us, then we retreat, put up the wall and the shield again, rinse and repeat. So the only way that we can get through this and stop this vicious cycle is by practicing vulnerability in a safe space, okay? In a safe space now. And what better way to do that than a cry party? Okay, so boom, I'm excited to share highlights from my first ever Cry party, y'all! So I went and grabbed a room at the Embassy Suites because I like their breakfast or whatever. Gathered six amazing women, and we embarked on a super emotional journey together. We kicked things off with a calming meditation session, then dove into some heartfelt journaling. Affirmations fill the room with positivity. I don't miss you. And we. We took moments to express our deepest gratitude.
Thank you, Ebony, for the energy and the laughter.
Of course, the main event was crying.
When was the last time your heart was broken?
A powerful, cathartic experience that brought us closer than ever. Tears flowed, hearts opened, and bonds were forged. Want to be part of our next cry party? Apply now and join for an unforgettable experience. 'Cause why?
She cried!
Learning to connect with yourself through crying and opening up to people in a safe space, again, safe people, helps you to build a confidence in relationship. You start small, you open up, you find people who are supportive, you start supporting yourself first. You begin to trust yourself more, so now you're developing Stronger trusting relationships. So, how do you learn how to be vulnerable? This leads me to my final point. When someone asks you, who are you? What do you say? Do you talk about your profession? Do you talk about whether or not you're a parent? Do you tell them your accomplishments? I remember this question used to cause me so much anxiety because I really didn't know who I was until I learned how to be Quiet with myself and with God, because I used to be afraid to be by myself. I really did. I had to always be with somebody. If I was going to the grocery store, oh, I need somebody to be with me. I couldn't be by myself. And I realized it was because I was so afraid of the thoughts that was racing through my brain. But now I understand that was Holy Spirit really trying to be in relationship with me to help me see who I am in God. And now I invite those quiet times. So many of estranged Adult children don't feel good enough. They don't know who they are because of the fractured family unit. So it starts with building self-awareness, being kind to yourself, and really practicing that alone time so you can cultivate this space of saying, "Hmm, okay, this is what I like. This is what I don't like," and then piling all of these. Together to say, this is who I am without the accomplishments, without the accolades, without the professions. And then once you find out who you are, it will be easier for you to begin to attract and choose safe and supportive people who align with who you are. Want to learn how to heal faster? My pastor has had this saying that I absolutely love. He says, You can't be your best self by yourself, and this is how you heal faster— being in community with others. Another saying that I really like that I heard, and it goes, relational wounds can only be healed in relationships. Like, how can you practice these skills that you're learning about relationships if you refuse to be in relationships with people? Like, you're gonna have to do that. You're gonna have to Be in relationship. And it doesn't mean like, oh, you talk to somebody once a month or twice a month. No, you cannot get close to anyone without conversation. So this requires having conversations with people, learning how to move throughout relationships, and especially in conflict. What happens when you have conflict with someone? Do you just retreat and say, okay, I don't want to be their friend no more. I don't want to be in a relationship with them no more. No, we need to learn how to deal and heal in relationships, and that is through community. So when you learn who you are, make a daily practice of connecting with yourself and others, find a community of supportive people, and allow yourself to be vulnerable, you will become the best version of yourself in the fastest amount of time. Journal prompt of the day: How has my estrangement from family affected my sense of self and personal identity? What steps can I take to reconnect with my inner self and nurture self-love and acceptance? In the next video, I'll share how to create safe spaces for yourself to practice vulnerability. But for now, if you would like to attend one of my free virtual safe spaces event, Be sure to click the link in the description. Like, share, and subscribe. Hope this video was helpful, and I'll see you next video.
