In this solo self‑help video, Fun Coach Tameka (Tameka Anderson) explores why family and intergenerational trauma is hard to heal and offers concrete steps to accelerate recovery. She begins by linking personal trauma to broader systemic oppression, referencing the Hulu series "Project 1619" and biblical passages to argue that both Black and white people inherit trauma from historical and ongoing racism. Tameka then outlines how to set healthy boundaries with family members—using tools like phone Do‑Not‑Disturb, timed conversations, and limiting physical proximity—especially when living with relatives who are not doing inner work. She challenges common misconceptions about biblical slavery, presenting Exodus 21 and contextualizing Ephesians to show that the Bible does not condone slavery, and uses this to illustrate how misinterpretations fuel oppression. The core actionable tip she promotes is a journaling practice that helped her overcome insomnia: writing daily emotional reflections, prayers, and gratitude before bed. She closes by urging viewers to seek safe, supportive mental‑health communities, consider professional help, and purchase her "healing journals" for continued growth, while promising future content on workplace trauma.
Chapters
You're going to want to do this one thing in order to heal faster. Soooooo... You can get this trauma, it don't matter if you're black or white. Now God, I don't want to have to stop believing in you. PTSD. Hey y'all, Fun Coach Tameka here. Today we're going to discuss why it's so hard to heal family trauma, what you need to start doing immediately for healthier relationships, and how to get unstuck in your healing journey. Stick around to the end and I'll share how I Eliminated insomnia. Okay, so over the past week I've binged on this series on Hulu called Project 1619. If you haven't watched it, you need to watch it. And I want to let you know I felt several ways about it. Me being a Black girl, learning how my ancestors lived and died is something that I'm super invested in. So I'm watching this series, right? And I'm listening to journalist Nikole Hannah-Jones as she goes through the various ways in which we are Still oppressed to this day, and although slavery isn't blatant, things like inmate leasing is still a thing. Because that this ain't what this channel is about, you can go look up inmate leasing for yourself to figure out what that is, what that look like, and all those other things. Because this is an election year, I wanted to talk about this. I believe the reason we're so divided, especially around election time, is because the System of oppression is still prevalent today and is long and strong. I love to speak about trauma and often talk about how I consider it the hospice for the soul. I believe intergenerational trauma is something each and every one of us have in common, and you've been exposed to it whether you black or white. You can get this trauma, it don't matter if you're black or white. Or whatever Michael Jackson said. I'm just gonna say it. If you're Black, you are oppressed by white supremacy. And if you're white, you're also oppressed by it. If you grew up as a white person and you lived around family members and relatives who were racist, that in itself is oppression, especially when you disagree with them. Even if you agreed with them or you were conditioned to believe that white supremacy was Okay, and it was okay for you to be racist. It's oppressive because how can you subject people who don't look like you to hatred and not be oppressed? Like, how can you justify all subjecting people who don't look like you to all sorts of evil and have a sane mind? And also, it's trauma. Exodus 34:6-7 says, and the Lord passed by before him and proclaimed, the Lord God merciful and gracious, long-suffering and abundant. It in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin that will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and upon the children's children until the 3rd and 4th generation. Which leads me to my first point and question: how do I set boundaries with my family? So the last video I shared how I reconnected with my mother. After being in trauma therapy for the past almost 8 years now, I'm learning how to practice healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries is where you put the responsibility on you and focus on you, on what you need to do and not to do. It's not a way for you to control other people and what they do or not do. It's a way for you to love yourself and others simultaneously while also drawing a line as to what you will and will not tolerate. That I've set for myself during my workout is my phone goes on DND. During my personal time, DND. And during bedtime, also DND. This is a way for me to take care of myself, important to me, so that I can continue to show up healthy, safe, and secure for myself and others. At the same time, I do not tell people not to call and text me because that would be me trying to control them. But if they call or text, they'll know That I'll respond when I'm available. A boundary that I've set for family members who are not doing their work is limiting the time I spend in conversation and community with them. So what does that look like? I may put a timer on my phone if I'm talking to a specific family member. Also not inviting them into my personal peace and space at my house. Now I'm not going around telling them, oh, you can't talk to me, you can't come to my house. I'm not doing that. I'm just setting a line around what I will and will not tolerate. And I I will not tolerate speaking to in great lengths of time someone who's not doing their inner work or having them in my personal space. This leads to my next question. What if I live with my family? So when you live with family members who are not doing their inner work, it is a bit challenging. However, still doable. You just have to be very, very intentional about taking time to yourself, setting a timer on your interactions with them, and making a plan to take care of yourself after interactions. With them. I gotta go ahead on and just let you know this upfront. You cannot live in close proximity with someone unwilling to do their inner work while you're doing your inner work because it just won't work. Eventually the inner chaos is going to spill out into the relationship and you will be forced apart. So if you want to be proactive, I would say to make a plan to not be in close proximity with family members because you cannot do your inner work while your family members are not doing their inner work and expect it to work. Even if you don't say, okay, I want to part, they will want you to part, especially if it's their house that you're living in. Trust me, I know. I've been there, done that, got a t-shirt. Okay. Which leads me to my final question and point. How do I heal this family trauma I've inherited? You're going to want to do this One thing in order to heal faster. So back to Project 1619. This led me to researching slavery in the Bible because a lot of people love to give the argument that they don't believe in the Bible because the Bible condones slavery. And I was talking to God and I was like, now God, I don't want to have to stop believing in you, but you gonna have to show me what it says in this Bible about slavery, how this started, why it is okay, because I refuse to believe you wanted black people to be enslaved. And this is why I love God, because the Holy Spirit led me to what I'm going to share with you. After researching, I realized God absolutely does not condone slavery ever. You can read the entire chapter of Exodus 21, read it for yourself, because this chapter introduces Why people even became servants in the first place. So back in the day, they didn't have a sophisticated system set up like we do now. So if you were poor and you owed debts, you would volunteer yourself as, as what is called an indentured servant. So this chapter lays out the basis for what that looks like to ensure that people were treated fairly. It says after 7 years they are to Go free and they're not to be mistreated or abused. Now here's the caveat. Verse 16 of Exodus 21 says, and he that stealeth a man and selleth him, or if he be found in his hand, he shall surely be put to death. So colonizers who stole my ancestors technically are supposed to be put To death, which confirms slavery was no bueno. And the colonizers lied and used Ephesians 6 and 5 about servants obey your masters to manipulate enslaved people into compliance. That verse was for people who willingly signed up to be a servant to pay off a debt. You signed up for this, then you have to obey what they say do. It's kind of like having a job. You signed up for for this position, so you need to listen to what your manager says. I believe this is another reason why they didn't want enslaved people to read, because they know people like me would have read the whole Bible and like, hey, this ain't adding up, partner, and I would have called them on they— you know what? I believe this is the real reason why we have the MAGA saga. When was America ever great? Even back in those days, how can you say that America was great when you had people who thought that they were so superior to other people that they could treat them like crap, to kill them, beat them, mistreat them, abuse them, and force them to create wealth for them while they got nothing. How is that— how is that great? Greed is what led to slavery, racism, and all sorts of evil oppressive systems. So guess what this has done for us. Tell them what is won, Bob. Ding, ding, ding, ding! A lifetime membership to intergenerational trauma. So the only way to heal is to allow yourselves to be fully seen by mental health professionals and people who are in safe, supportive communities who are also actively doing the work on themselves. Drop a comment below if you want me to do a video about how to identify safe and supportive people you can be in community with, because I can't tell you how many beautiful people that I see that are stuck in their healing journey all because they are so afraid to be fully seen due to the intergenerational trauma of their families. Bonus! Okay, so are you someone who, much like myself, deal with insomnia from time to time. I just found this hack I want to share with you. So my youngest daughter used to sleep with me until she was like a preteen, and before we went to bed, we would sit up and have conversations about pretty much everything. One night I had insomnia, couldn't sleep. She woke up and she was like, Mom, I forgot we didn't even talk last night. You usually get a good night's rest when we talk. Do you want to talk? And that just touched me so much because I realized that Me being a verbal processor, being able to talk about things before I go to bed helps me sleep better. So instead of having to depend on someone else to talk to before I go to bed, I journal now. So that is something that I want to share with you. If you are someone who deals with insomnia, try journaling. Things that I write down are how I felt for the day, the things that happened for today— was I angry, sad, or mad? And if So what were the events that led around those things? I talk to God about it, I pray, and I sleep like the baby that I am. Journal prompt of the day: What stories, beliefs, or emotional patterns have been passed down through the family that no longer serve me, and how can I begin to transform these inherited experiences into sources of strength and growth? In the next video, I'm going to share how trauma shows up in workplace. But for now, if you'd like to grab one of my healing journals, be sure to click the link in the description. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. Click the bell for notifications. Hope this was helpful. See you next video.
