In this YouTube monologue, self‑styled "Fun Coach" Tamika (Tamika Anderson) introduces her series PTSD: Parents Trying to Stop Dysfunction and explains how being raised by narcissistic parents creates deep, lasting trauma that destabilizes adult life. She frames narcissistic behavior through Proverbs 6:16‑19, equating the seven biblical sins with traits of narcissists—pride, lying, violence, wicked imagination, mischief, false witness, and sowing discord. Drawing on her own experience, she describes inherited issues such as anxiety, depression, people‑pleasing, codependency, identity struggles, and chronic hopelessness, even after achieving external success as a bestselling author. A poignant anecdote recounts her daughter’s confession that she felt unloved despite Tamika’s physical presence, highlighting the intergenerational transmission of harm. Tamika then offers three concrete remedies: (1) seek professional therapy for oneself, (2) cultivate a strong, non‑judgmental support system, and (3) ensure children receive therapy and engage in regular family values meetings to foster healthy communication. Throughout, she emphasizes personal responsibility, the role of faith, and the importance of learning effective communication skills through therapy. The video concludes with a call to action for likes, comments, and future topic suggestions.
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Got trauma just like me. It's PTSD.
Hello, my friends. How are you? And welcome back to PTSD: Parents Trying to Stop Dysfunction. I am Fun Coach Tamika here. Tonight we will be discussing how narcissistic parents cause a destabilized life and what to do about it. So let's get into it. All right, so as always, let me start with a disclaimer. I am not now, nor have I ever been A mental health professional, therapist, psychologist, etc. I am merely sharing information based on my research and self-awareness. All right, okay, Ducky. So listen, make sure you hit like, share, subscribe, and drop a comment and let me know. Where you are tonight, and are you looking forward to the holidays coming up? Um, just saying. All right, so even though this is called Talk Therapy, it's a way for us to talk through some of the things, which is like therapy for the soul, if you will. And that's because I am someone who is obsessed with human behavior. And I mean obsessed. Like, I literally spend every moment of my available time obsessing about how to transform behaviors because I want to help parents identify unmet needs in their children. So that they can raise the best little humans on the planet. That is why I am the fun coach, because fun is an acronym for finding unmet needs. All right, let me cut it out. Okay, so let's get into it now. Let me tell y'all something. If y'all are dropping something in the comment, let me know. Go ahead and drop it in there. I am looking in the comment section as I can. However, we about to get into this tonight, and we gonna get started with— first of all, I've said it often and I'll say it again, Proverbs is my favorite book of the Bible, mostly because there's so much wisdom there, right? And the verses we gonna talk about tonight, it was just like, you know, yeah, let's, let's get into it. All right, so Proverbs, we're going to start with 6:16. So it says, these 6 things does the Lord hate, yet 7 are an abomination to him. Whoo! Verse number 17 goes on to say, a proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood. Verse 18, an heart that deviseth wicked imagination, feet that be swift in running to mischief. Verse 19, a false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among the brethren. Oh boy. So, okay, so let's just, um, dive into the 7 things that he actually said here. So in these verses, there were 7 things. Number 1 was a proud look. Number 2 was a lying tongue. Number 3, hands that shed innocent blood. 4 was a heart that deviseth wicked imaginations. Right? 5 were feet that are quick to mischief. 6, a false witness that speaketh lies. And 7, he that soweth discord between the family. Okay, so when you think about a narcissist, what comes to mind, right? Let's, let's, let's talk about that. So for me, this is what, this is what I said when I thought Thought about a narcissist and what comes to mind? Someone who's arrogant, lies to and on you, constantly manipulates you and gaslights. I sound like I'm in a poetry slam, don't it? Constantly manipulate and always starting drama, aka the smear campaigns. You have not Felt wrath until a narcissist has opened and launched an active smear campaign against you. Okay. So literally everything on the list of things that God hates is what a narcissist is. That's kind of what I summed up. Now let's talk about the effect that it has on you when you're raised by one. So I'm going to talk about myself because that's all I can talk about, right? It's me. Um, for me, being raised by a narcissistic person— persons— one thing that I realized is that you don't inherit goodness, kindness, You inherit trauma, anxiety, depression, people pleasing, codependency, um, struggling with, uh, um, identity of self, um, constantly being triggered by feelings of hopelessness even when you successful, man. Oh my goodness, even when you successful. Oh, I gotta talk about that really quick. So I remember when I— the last thing that I remember where I was struggling with this was when I became, uh, number one bestseller for my book, which by the way, let me show y'all in case you haven't seen it lately. This is it. So when I became number one bestseller for my book, let me tell you how much I struggled I struggled that day. I couldn't even sleep that night, and it wasn't because I was excited, like, oh my God, I finally reached my goal. I was, I was overwhelmed because I was just like, oh my God, what's, what's gonna happen now? Like, I couldn't even enjoy it, right? I couldn't even enjoy the, the feelings because I was constantly feeling helpless. And so here it is. I'm trying to celebrate something and I couldn't celebrate it, right? So I, I struggled with the hopelessness even when I was successful, right? I was struggling with beliefs when, you know, struggling with hurtful and misguided beliefs about myself and constantly recycling trauma. Now the reason why I say like this destabilizes your life is because Going through all of those things, I was constantly self-sabotaging myself and my success. Because when I would achieve a goal that I had, you know, finally worked towards, I would self-sabotage by going into panic mode. Like, for real, like full-fledged panic mode. Like, okay, I got the thing, what am I supposed to do with it? Right. So I wanted to— the reason why I wrote this book is because I wanted to help parents. Because if you have been raised by a narcissistic parent, it destabilizes your life and you will pass it down to your children no matter how well-intentioned you are, right? That's the reason why this channel is PTSD, Parents Trying to Stop Dysfunction. That's why we here, you know, that's why we here. So I gotta tell y'all, I gotta tell— hold on, let me look at— I think, I think I see something in the chat. Oh, I don't think it was. Okay, so let me tell y'all something that, um, broke my heart. Okay, um, I started trauma therapy about 7 years ago And then I suggested that my oldest daughter go to therapy. So she went maybe like a couple years after I started going. And something that she said broke my heart because I came to her, I was just like, you know, talk to me. How was your experience of me as a parent when you were younger? And she was like, well, I was like, you could tell me for real. I'm gonna be all right. So I don't think I was ready for what she said though. She said, Mom, I love you, but I didn't feel loved by you when I was younger. Oh, my heart, y'all. My heart. I was like— so as I was bracing myself because I knew it wasn't about me when she was telling me these things, I had to really show up for her. I was bracing myself. And so I, I, you know, dug deeper and I said, can you tell me more about that? What do you mean by that? And she said, well, you were there, but you weren't there. So what she was saying was physically I was there because that was something that was very important to me. I felt like my mother wasn't there for me, like physically she wasn't there. So I wanted to physically be there for my children. So I was always there, but I wasn't there. And I was bracing myself and listening to her and everything. And after the conversation and stuff like that, I cried and I went to my therapist and I was like, oh my God, let me tell you what she said to me. And had a full-fledged meltdown because I couldn't believe that I had inflicted the same harm on my child, and I never wanted to do that, right? So this is one of the reasons why I always tell parents that it happens. If you have been raised like this, you're gonna spill it onto your children no matter what, even if you don't want to. So tonight I want to talk about, like, you know, 3 is my favorite number, so I want to talk about the 3 things that work. For me after, you know, just going through all of that trauma and destabilization of my life. So the first thing that I would say, and I briefly just told y'all about this anyway, therapy works. It really does, right? And so like, um, I always tell people, I always point people in the direction of therapists, and I have tons of friends who are therapists, so Reach out to me if you're looking for somebody. I got you. Therapy works. Just do like I did, you know, go to therapy first so that you can kind of like build up some stuff and just really work through some stuff yourself so that you can show up. Remember, like I was telling you about how my daughter came to me and it was very, very hard to hear what she had to say. But, you know, because of my therapist and going through the process, I was able to just really be there and not be all like, I did the best I could, you know. Like, yeah, I did the best I could and I hurt you, right? And so here's what I want to do moving forward. So that's, that's the first thing. The second thing is building a strong support system. So I'll say this. I wish I knew that I needed a strong support system because let me tell y'all something, if it wasn't for God, I wouldn't be here right now because I barely made it out. Barely made it out because I didn't build a strong support system. I didn't have people to lean on when things got really, really, really hard for me. So build a strong support system, people that can actually show up and hold Space for you that are not going to just diminish or say, "You know it's gonna be all right." No, you need somebody who's gonna be able to just say, "Hey, do you have space to hold for me?" And then they'll be there, right? Just you don't have to say anything. Just be here. And finally, you know, consider putting your children in therapy because they're gonna need to work through some things. That has happened that you may not even have accounted for. You may not want it to happen, but it happened. So putting your children in therapy, making sure that everybody has a support system, everybody can talk and be heard, because that is something that's huge and important. Like right now, me and my children, we do a monthly family values meeting where we sit and we talk about our core family values and what that means and how we showing up and how we can, you know, improve. Okay, but I wouldn't have known how to do any of that had I not gone through therapy to learn effective communication skills. Okay. All right, well Hope this was helpful. Be sure to hit the like and subscribe button. Drop a comment below. Let me know what other topic you wanna chat about next time. And until the next time, I'll see you in my next video. Take care now.
