In this faith‑informed self‑help video, Fun Coach Tameka explains why many people repeatedly attract narcissistic and toxic individuals. She argues that the core issue is pride—an insecure, performance‑driven façade that draws emotional predators. Drawing on personal experience (her divorce from a narcissistic ex‑husband) and biblical references, she outlines a three‑step "ABCs" framework: A) self‑awareness, B) healthy boundaries, and C) proactive conflict resolution. Tameka differentiates true confidence rooted in God’s identity from cocky arrogance, presents a faith formula (belief × action × confidence), and offers practical actions, a journal prompt, and an invitation to join her supportive community. The video ends with a call to like, share, subscribe, and join her "safe spaces" squad.
Chapters
Why you find yourself in close relationship with narcissists. This man had took everything from me, including my edges. It's a slippery slope between PTSD. Hey y'all, Fun Coach Tameka here. Today we're going to discuss why you keep attracting narcissists, what to do immediately to boost your confidence, and how to stop attracting toxic people because of it. Stick around to the end, and I'll share how I repel narcissists and toxic people and develop more deeper, meaningful connections. Okay, so if you've ever had the unpleasant experience of being in conversation, community, or cult with a narcissist— sidebar, I'm going to do a whole video series on cults and narcissists. Stay tuned. You know just how draining. It is to have a conversation with people who are narcissistic and toxic. I remember when I was divorcing my narcissistic ex-husband and we were in the pastor's office and I remember saying, I don't have nothing else left to give. Because baby, when I tell you this man had took everything from me, including my edges. And that's because toxic and narcissistic people, they survive off of the emotional energy of others. They live for attention. They can't survive without validation, and they will kill for admiration even though they do nothing to deserve these things. They just feel entitled to just have them and get them from people. However, I'm going to digress on that. But there is one major reason why you find yourself in close relationship with narcissists and toxic people. You know it's because of pride, y'all. So let me prove it to you by discussing What I call the ABCs of toxic cycles. So A, they're attracted because of the energy you're resting in, which is pride. B, you believe the lies they're telling you because of pride. C, you choose to engage with them further because of ding ding ding. Tell them what it won, Bob. Pride, y'all. Which leads me to my first question and point. What is the purpose of pride? So as I'm researching and learning about pride and the— and what the Bible says about it, our adversary Satan uses the weapon of pride for a very insidious reason. He knows that if we think we're better than we are, we won't work to become better. So let's break down 3 signs to look out for when identifying confidence and cocky, aka pride. First, we must understand the purpose What is the purpose of pride? Pride is the result of a heart wound. It is the direct, deep, and ongoing injury to the heart. It's rooted in insecurity, which can lead to arrogance and isolation, which prevents growth. You may even feel like you have something to prove to other people, or you may feel the need to be better than others. Um, I remember when I had my entanglement with pride. Due to abandonment and lack of validation in my childhood, I felt the need to prove my worth to people. So I focused a lot of my time and energy on being needed versus being loved. And man, was that a train wreck, y'all. It led to many years of choosing narcissistic men and friends. Narcissistic and toxic people are energy vultures, and their claim of fame is arrogance. So when we're resting in the energy of arrogance, AKA pride, you become their prey because you're literally walking into the lion's den, if you will. I'm not gonna go into all of that. You can check out this video where I speak all about emotional predators. So I read another book, y'all. Surprise, surprise. He mentioned a formula for faith that I really, really like and I want to talk about here. So faith equals belief times Action times confidence. Whether you believe in God or not, we all have faith in something, even if that lacks foundation. Pride, AKA arrogance and cockiness, is a shaky foundation that says, I'm better than you, and I will expend all of my energy proving that. I don't really believe it, but I want you to believe it. So when you're no longer hustling to prove your worth, that foundation cracks. Narcissistic and toxic people drain you because they're tired. Think about it like this: emotionally, 24 hours a day, every time they wake— from the time they wake up to the time they close their eyes, they are literally hustling to prove something they don't even believe themselves. So they need energy, and they, they're going to steal yours. Pay close attention when you hear people say, oh, I love your energy. When you doubt who God says you are, you hustle To get people to believe a lie that you've conjured up. James 2:18 says, "Yea, a man say thou hast faith and I have works. Show me thy faith without thy works, and I will show thee my faith by thy works." So arrogance and cockiness is faith in performance and persona that you choose to show the world. You're afraid that if someone gets close to you and see behind the mask, it'll be like the same thing when. You went behind the curtain on The Wiz. And that's mostly because you lack faith in who God says you are. You're projecting an attitude that bullies people into submission of believing what you choose to put out there. Pride causes us to doubt who God says we are, which leads to my next question. How do we eliminate self-doubt? Embracing confidence. Confidence is rooted in the belief of who God says we are. Confidence invites collaboration. Confidence embraces and fuels growth. Confidence comes from knowing your worth. It's about knowing who God says you are and not comparing yourself to anyone else. God went through— and I tell— I talk about this all the time, but God went through the trouble of ensuring that even if we share the same womb, we do not share the same fingerprints, to ensure that we have separate identities. So when you're confident, you're not spending energy on putting up a performance and persona. A lot of people have confidence and cockiness confused because the cocky people out here misrepresenting confidence. However, confidence is the only way to eliminate self-doubt. When you believe that God designed you to make your unique difference in the world, you move differently. Everyone who comes in contact with you begin to notice, and you never have to announce it. It's a slippery slope between confidence and cockiness. And it takes intentionality to ensure we don't fall into that trap, which leads to my final question and point. How do I stop attracting narcissists and toxic people? Remember my ABCs of the toxic trap? So here's how we get out of that. A, practice self-awareness. B, set and maintain healthy boundaries. And C, for the love of God, can we learn how to resolve conflict, please? Self-awareness is a narcissist's kryptonite simply because they use emotional weapons like manipulation to trick us and play games with you. However, when you become self-aware, a narcissist will take their— take themselves out of the game. They don't want to play. And self-awareness is checking yourself when you know you're wrong. No one should have to tell you when you're wrong. They should only confirm it, what you already know. And boundaries is not a way of blocking out the haters. Boundaries is a way of practicing radical self-love and protecting your heart to keep it open, alive, and pure so that you can love people. This is how you, you can tell a healthy boundary. If your method of boundaries is focused outwardly on what someone else should do, say, or not do or say, that's not a boundary. It's a guard. And lastly, resolving conflict. Going to people when there is conflict, not waiting, not being passive-aggressive, not stop talking to people, not ghosting people. A lot of people think that Jesus was passive about things, and I'm here to say with great confidence, Jesus was confrontational. And this is why I have embraced the word. He confronted things to show us how to deal with confrontation and conflict. And yes, some people were offended by him, and that's okay. Bonus. So how do you repel narcissists? narcissists and toxic people in order to develop deeper, more meaningful relationships? I always say this, but become a safe person. Become a safe person and stop viewing relationships as transactional. I'mma do something for you because I want you to do something for me. So how do you do that? Remember ABC: practice self-awareness, set and maintain healthy boundaries, and resolve conflict immediately. That is how you become a safe person. All 3 of those things. And how I know is because I've become that person. I have people that I'm related to that say they don't mess with me, and rightly so, because I know who I am in God. I am self-aware. I practice saying no, and I resolve conflict immediately. So toxic people don't like to deal with me, and I am okay with that. And of course, I would not be able to continue to do and be who I am Without God and my squad. So get you a squad, and if you don't know how to find a squad or be in one, join one of mine. The link will be in the description. Journal prompt of the day: reflect on a recent situation when you felt proud or confident. Did you find yourself seeking validation from others, or were you grounded in God-given beliefs and abilities? In the next video, I'll address how pride ruins your relationships, but for now, If you would like to join one of my safe spaces squads, click the link in the description to join the waitlist. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. Click the bell for notifications. Hope this was helpful. See you next video.
