Stop Being Manipulated...Do This Now!

We are live, we are live in the building. And Sharmita, let's wait a couple seconds for people to come on in the room. The chat is open. And, um, yeah, we about to get this party started. Talk about manipulation tonight.

Yes.

You ready for this?

Yes, it's a much-needed conversation. I'm excited.

You excited?

I'm excited.

Well, good.

We

about to get into it. Okay.

Yes. Really, we are. All

right, so I think I, um, hit the chat there. Um, our title for today is Stop Being Manipulated, Do This Now. So start talking about these things, but before we get into it, let's pray, shall we? God, you are awesome. Speak through us in Jesus' name.

Amen. Amen.

So before we get started, tell the people who you are and what you do.

Well, blessings. I'm Charnita Gates. I am an innovator and a spiritual discipline coach. So what I do is I help people to build up that desire for trust through trouble. Like God said, we will have trouble in this world, so take heart. So in all our getting, we get an understanding. So that's what I do, um, and that's who I am. I am a daughter, and so, you know, being obedient. So put in that work. You know, being approved.

I love it. I'm super excited to have this conversation with you tonight about manipulation and pride. So, you know, people can come on in the room while we talking, but we about to get into it.

Okay,

so let's get started with our first point. You know, um, a lot of people don't understand or even know The signs of pride, or even what to look for. So recognizing the subtle signs of pride— there was one question I always tell people. If you are prone to manipulation, you have to ask yourself, in what ways are you manipulating yourself? Right. And there are some sneaky signs that they kind of like manipulate themselves with. The ones that are like the most prevalent are the hyper-independence, that I don't need nobody else, I got to do me, can't nobody get me like I can get me, you know. And the holding grudges— like, I didn't even realize this, that, you know, until Holy Spirit showed me that some people that, especially like family members that I'm estranged from, I was actually holding a grudge. That's how sneaky it is. Yeah, so I want to talk about that and being easily offended.

Yeah,

so what say you, Sharnita, about these 2 things?

Well, when you say holding a grudge and how long we can hold a grudge, that right there is like bondage. And you know, it's like we can self-manipulate ourselves into bondage and not even knowing, especially if we don't take the time to really get an understanding of what's going on in our lives. Like, within especially a situation— a situation can happen years ago, but, um, if you don't have the right tools, you can't fix it at that time. So that's neat, the sneakiness of manipulation and pride and things of that sort. It makes you think that You're good. Sometimes, you know, just because you're not in pain doesn't mean that you're not hurting. You know what I'm like? Like, you're not hurt, so you're still hurt. So it's like that, that loss or lies— like you lost, um, a conversation. You never got to the place where you can— you had the tools to fix it. So it's like it sneaks up on you 10 years down the line and you're like, oh, I was manipulated. Um, now because I got this grudge— and grudge is a sign. If you holding a grudge, that's a sign that there's some type of manipulation or something that's, that's going on, and you can't figure it out on your own. You need, you need guidance. You need instructions on how to do that.

Heck yeah!

Need clarity. The best gift we can get is clarity.

Heck yeah, that's so good. And then another thing that I realized is that What we consume actually contributes to pride sneaking in. And I remember when I used to think that people were so holier than thou when they would tell me they didn't watch certain things. I'd be like, uh, no way. Until I started watching certain stuff and that anxiety and depression start knocking on that door and putting me in a chokehold. Yeah. But you know, it's the stuff that we watch, listening to, like gossiping. You— somebody calling, girl, please, what you doing? I remember I was in this gossip group and I literally got out of it because I felt so convicted. Spirit convicted my butt, okay? And then, you know, because you start to actually say stuff like that. So what are your thoughts about that?

Oh, look, I'm— that— I'm— I feel the same way when something comes across, like, my eyes. My— I call it the gates. So my last name is Gates, so therefore you gotta guard— you gotta guard your gates. You gotta guard your eye gates. If you let it in, just like if you letting somebody into your, you know, into your space, it's, it's sacred. It's, it's like you said, holier is— if especially if you want your, your body to be a holy and pleasing sacrifice, if you're giving that self, you know, that part of yourself, you have to guard your gates, what you're putting in your, your ears, because it's feeding your, your soul, your mind, your will, your emotions, and you're going to continue to remunerate that. So if you, you know, see it, you, you have to take every thought obedient to the obedience of Christ, to really make sure that you're— what you're, what you're receiving is right for you. So yeah, what you consume, it really, it really matters. And it's not on a fact of anything else other than what's right for you, right?

Yeah, because like 1 Peter 5:8 says, be sober, be vigilant, and I, I gotta be real. I don't think the churches teach us enough about this. I don't think they stress the importance of what this verse really means. Like, Satan really out here.

Oh yeah, he, he, he, he, he, you know, I like to say, but, um, yeah,

he really looking like, oh, what you doing? Where you at? Which door can I come in? Like, he is really out here doing this, like, for real. This is what he do all day. And it— like I said, it wasn't until I was— I watched some shows, like, I realized sometimes if I was watching like a reality show and fighting and stuff, after, after I watched, I'm amped up, I'm ready to get active.

Exactly. I, I like how you said he, he's just worn— like, I, I don't call him Satan, I call him sayings, because the things that people are, you know, saying, it's just him, you know what I'm saying? He's the father of lies. So the things— if lies are being spoken, if things are being twisted, especially in the media, what we're hearing, they're coming after our gates, you know what I'm saying? So as far as I like what you said, the church have to really profound on what it means to be sober. It's not just what we consume, um, tangibly, like as far as alcohol, or it's, it's the media, it's what we're listening to, it's what we're speaking, it's, it's everything. Even what we're inhaling, you know, sometimes some things are not good to inhale, you know. Um, so it's just we really have to To stop it. I like how you said we have to stop, stop doing this now. Stop, stop it.

Absolutely. Because again, another verse that I absolutely love, Proverbs 4:23, when it tells us our hearts with all diligence, that's the truth. This is what that means, because whatever we're consuming, whether we're eating, drinking, listening, saying, whatever, that is what's going into our hearts. And whatever's in our heart is gonna come out of our mouth and it's gonna cause issues in our life. Like I said, depression, anxiety, all of these things. Like, I literally had to stop following certain things and publications on social media because it's just like they just constantly spewing this stuff out, spewing it out, and you wondering why you feeling this way. And it's because of what you watching and listening to.

Yeah, yeah.

And you, you have a point to make about the— what we delight in, so can we talk about that?

Yes. Um, delighting is another word for pride. So what you delight in is what you take pride in. So if you're delighting in, let's, uh, Netflix— I'm just saying, if you're delighting in Netflix that's feeding your soul, even though you may not think about it, but it is. So that's why I really like, um, when it says like in Psalms 1 and, uh, 1 through 3, even at the end it says that we— he delights in the law of the Lord and he meditates on it day and night. He is like a tree. So plant it. So just like you plant yourself in front of Netflix, but we have to plant ourselves in front of the Bible, get the word, and feed our souls with the, the truth. It's not in the way. And so we can have light within us. There's no light within Netflix besides, you know, it being able to show a picture, um, but it's a resource. But there's no, no true power in that besides— the true power lies in Christ. And as you relearn more about him and his ways, you can tell somebody can tell me a movie, but can you tell me a scripture? Feed my soul. Give me something that's going to uplift me, you know, keep my mind in perfect peace. And he is perfect peace, so let my mind be on Christ. And so that's what we, we delight in it. So even as a woman, you ask somebody, what do you delight in? What's your favorite— we ask, what's your favorite food? What's your favorite scripture? You know, are you delighting in the law of the Lord? Right. We want to—

I love that. But you also said something too that I want to talk about too. Inferior thinking. Let's talk about it.

And look, the thinking— that's why I said the, the mind, our soul, our mind, will, emotions, imagination, and our affection. So as far as when we're— what we're thinking, is it superior? The word is superior. If we're not thinking on the, the word, then we're, we're, we're subjecting ourselves to inferior thinking. So therefore, when it said in John 7:16-18, he said, my doctrine, doctrine, sound doctrine. And then so you think about scary movies. God did not give us that spirit of fear, but power, love, and a sound mind. So we need sound doctrine. So when Jesus answered and said to them, his doctrine is not his, but is of who he sent, who sent him, and he's talking about God. So we have to Think on the word, like it said in Philippians 4:8. Think on whatever is true, whatever is lovely, whatever is reputable, whatever is praiseworthy, whatever is of good report. We got a lot of stuff to think about, so we don't have to subject ourselves to inferior thinking. And I remember going through you know Elevate with Pastor Darius Daniels. It was it helped me to identify. And now we do have to identify inferior thinking so that we can know and not be in darkness. We can go into the light and say, "Okay, I was thinking this way. Let me replace." That goes back to what we were just talking about as far as we have to replace it. We have to stop and then do. We have to do what the word says.

Yes. And that leads to the next point where I often ask, what messages do we hold about ourselves, right? I realized me, myself, I used to have a lot of I am not, I cannot, I don't deserve. And I want you to really touch on the power of belief because that is the driver. So I want to talk about that before I get into more of that.

We always hear about Jesus, take the wheel. Literally let him drive your life as far as what you believe in, because that drives your behaviors. behavior drives your bearing. So if he is abiding in you, so if he's in your, in your car, you letting him drive, then therefore you are, you are receiving the power of being able to say, I— this is the way that I go. So when you're thinking on what the, the truth, you're thinking on the word, you may be feeling somewhere, you want to go this place, but you can, you can get what, you know, a, a prompting in your, your soul because now you're, you're, you're, you're abiding in him and he's in you. So that, that sixth sense that God prompting, he can, he can because of your belief. Now, if you believe that you're not going to get to the next spot, you know, to your destination, then therefore you're— that's that inferior thinking. That's where your belief is driving. Something else is driving that. Christ is not driving that because when he speaks, he, he knows that, you know, he knows the end. So he said we're going to make it to the other side, um, just like he was talking when he said to the disciples, we're going to, you know, see you on the other side. It's that power of belief. If he said it, I believe it. Um, so therefore, that's the power of belief and letting your belief of what you are, what you've studied, what you've heard, what you've seen— either way it go, uh, fear is a belief. You know, if you believe that something— this is going to happen, you're powering that belief. So you— and it's going to drive your decisions, it's going to drive your behaviors, it's going— it's going to drive your, your your life. Life is not going to be your driver. Death is going to be your driver. You see what I'm saying? So you're already thinking the worst.

So I love that. And one of the things that I realized is that I had to replace the faulty beliefs that I was believing about— I cannot, I'm not worthy, I, you know, I can't. And so I started to replace it with what God actually said, right? And Jeremiah 29:11 says, for I know the thoughts that I have towards you, thoughts of peace, not of evil, to give an expected end. And so if God is telling me that he knows the thoughts that he has towards me, I need to believe what he said.

Yeah.

Versus believing what A belief that I adopted, and I can't wait until we get into this, the belief that I've adopted because of trauma.

Yeah.

So you said something, you said management, and I choose to talk more about that.

That's really good. Um, there's a book called Essentialism and, uh, The Way of Integrity. Reading In a Blessed Life. Reading all 3 of those books together really helped me to understand, like, as far as we learn the mismanagement of our thinking, we, we learn helplessness, which we, we feel like we have to. So a lot of times we like, oh, I spoke this way, I want to do this, I did— you know, the way that we speak, it's based off of the way that we were taught. So we're like I said, we have to be taught how to think. So we were taught to think that we were helpless, that we we don't— we have to do certain things and this is the way to do things. But when you get to the place and you remember, I have a choice. I just— like, we can choose to choose Christ. Like, when they say we choose, we can choose to accept the truth. And that's how we have to manage ourselves. We, you know, based off of the age that you hear people say man up, but the— based off of the age when you actually get to the place where you're seeking Christ and say, I choose to have a better life. I choose to do only the things that are essential, and I don't have to do everything. And that's where pride can slip in to make you think just because you can, you should. And that's not— we have a choice in every second. We have a choice on what we're going to say, what we're going to see, look at, what we're going to hear, you know. And ever— we have, we have a choice, and we have to manage ourselves, but we have to choose to even manage ourselves.

Absolutely. I love that. And even when sometimes when I get the thoughts and the feelings that, oh, you know, I'm not worthy of this, I I am so comforted by this scripture, for real. Um, for God so loved the world. Like, he loved us so much that he gave his Son, his only Son, right? That was Jesus's role, was to come here for us to pay our debts, right? That's how much God thinks that we're worthy. Even when I hear people who say that they don't believe in God and I have a deeper conversation with them, I ask them, well, what led to that? Usually it's always because someone misrepresented God. Because when you read the promises of God, there's no way you would not want to believe him.

Yeah.

Because everything he says is a promise, right? So, um, I just think that, that, that's something that I often have conversations with people about, and we can go into the weeds with that one, but we ain't gonna go into that. We're gonna get to the next point.

I was trying not to because I was ready to go.

I was like, yeah, we gonna come back another day

for that.

Okay, but the impact of pride on relationships— when I say I could stay here all day, I could stay here all day. Okay, because the question that I always ask is, where did the wound, the heart wound, originate? Because anytime that there's pride, something happened.

Yeah.

In the heart. This is why we build up to this to say, hey, you know, um, watch what you're doing, watch what you're saying, watch what you're speaking, because this is how pride seeps in, right?

Yeah.

So, um, Genesis 3, 4, and 5, you know, it starts in the beginning. The serpent said unto the woman, you shall not surely die. He literally planted seeds of doubt. He said, for God knows that if you eat this, your eyes are going to be open. You're going to be like gods, knowing good and evil. So he started in the beginning. planting the seeds of doubt. That is literally how insidious pride is.

Yeah.

Our adversary knows that he got kicked out because of pride, so he wants us to also lose access to God because of pride. So he does everything in his power to get us wrapped up into pride. And I started reading this book I'm about to put it on the screen. It's called Mother Hunger. Oh my goodness. Let me say this, this book is so good. If you have an opportunity to get this book, please get this book and read it, because as someone— I often talk about my story of being estranged. It's a very difficult journey. It really is, especially somebody who has a relationship with God, right? And being estranged from family because things, you know, just too much pride, too much hurt, pain, etc. So I often ask, how does the soul wound begin? Right. When I was reading this book, she talks about how our bodies know the story of how early love felt. So when you're a baby and your, your fears aren't soothed as an infant, you store fear in your body, right? And so You become hungry for love, but then you become very cautious of human connection. Now I can speak on that because that's my story. I was taken from my mother at birth, and so I didn't get the skin-to-skin contact. I didn't get to bond with her. So when I was reading this, like, tears was welling up in my eyes, and I was like The Holy Spirit showing me this is how the enemy— he, he wanted to attack me at birth and give me this heart wound, so much so to where he knew that it would affect every relationship I ever had. And it did, until— Until God came and said, no, this one I'm gonna have to— no, this one we're gonna have to have a conversation. But I want you to speak on this, Charnita.

Well, that's a, that's a really, um, great topic because I'm gonna try to keep it short and, and, and simple, um, as much as I can, but When, when you were speaking, I was thinking the inner, the inner me. And you see what I'm saying? The inner— because like I said, Satan, he's, he's defeated. Um, those sayings, it's defeated because we now, we, we, we're being— we're exposed to the truth. And knowing that we were born into this is not— you know, he, he's not doing anything that's No different from what he's been doing, like you said, from the beginning, from Genesis. You know, anything that's not of God— that's why it's so important for us as women, birth carriers of the vision, of the word, of, you know, when we come out, then we, you know, hearing the word and actually pouring into us the milk. That's why it's like when newborn babes we, like you said, thirst and hunger. We thirst and hunger for this, this righteousness, the, the word, the truth, because or else we're, we're born into a world that has so much lies in it. So as we continue to work on our mission to take those lies out of the world and really come back with the word, then therefore we won't be so subjective to looking for those, uh, that those cups of attention and affection and things, even from our— even from our parents, um, or from, you know, or from someone else. Like, a lot of— for me, it wasn't necessarily my mom I was looking for affection from, it was men, you know what I'm saying? Like, I, I thought that, you know, that's how relationships were supposed to go. You're supposed to be affectionate. Until I found Christ, and I was like, you know what, that's, that's my— that's the only person that can— I've been looking for this, this what we're talking about is fulfillment, looking for that fulfillment. No matter how much we, we search for it, the true fulfillment is in the word, and it fills up all those things. Like, you don't need, um, the, the senses of, of touch or, you know, sight. We can— we just— our, our spirit is enough, and only the word can feed our spirit. So, you know, of course we're going to take some losses because this is, you know, part of his, his space, and that's part of his plan. But that's why it's so important for us to learn him, you know what I'm saying? Sayings. If you know his sayings, is, you know, ye shall not surely die. Well, God said, you know what I'm saying? Right. When we know what God said in his word, then we— it counteracts those, you know, those lies. And then we can, we can direct ourselves and direct others no matter what we go through on the right path.

I love it. And so, you know, me being a writer, right, so I thought about the sneaky ways that pride sneaks in, and a lot of people don't realize that it's pride, right? Communication, man.

Great word.

So communication, right? The 3 C's that I've noticed that pride really, really lurks is when there's conflict, when you're trying to connect to somebody, and when you're trying to build community, right? I cannot tell you how many Friends I've lost because they don't want to, you know, approach conflict. They didn't know how to communicate. We're not even really taught how to communicate effectively during conflict. A lot of people think that Jesus is pushover, not knowing that oftentimes Jesus provoked Conflict, okay? He did. But that was a way— his way of showing us how to not be afraid of conflict, right? Because it's gonna come. That's how you smush pride, right? Because you have to say— you have to think about it this way. You have conflict with someone, it's because you're two different people. This person is thinking one way, this you're thinking another way. Somebody got hurt. That's where the conflict comes. Somebody's feelings are hurt.

Yeah.

So instead of saying, hey, let me have a conversation with you, let's talk about this, you just avoid and then go talk to somebody. Girl, let me tell you what she did. No, that's pride. If you can go talk to somebody else about it, say that same thing to that person. So conflict is a way. Um, connection— a lot of people don't really know how to develop deep connections with people because we're so surface. Everything is surface. It's, oh, you know, how you doing? Blessed and highly favored. No, if you are not okay, I'm not okay. But people know that they're so afraid to say, I'm not okay, because the person on the other end may not even want to hear it. Oh, you gonna be okay. Oh, give it to God. I'ma pray for you. Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

And then in community, a lot of people don't know how to be in community. And it's not— it's— I, I'm not gonna say it's your fault because I was like that too for a very, very long time because the community I came from was not safe.

Yeah.

So I, again, we're thinking about how the enemy sneaks in and steals stuff. He literally planted this injury in my heart because he knew, oh, that girl talked too much. Shoot, if she ever get in community and start talking about God, it's gonna be over. So what you have to say, Shardita? Because child, you know I could go on about that.

So conflict, when it comes to— for me, that's been my whole, pretty much my whole life, like conflict, having these hard conversations, because I know there's, there's a prize on the other end. Um, and sometimes if we don't have the emotional intelligence, if I didn't hear Though even the word emotional intelligence until probably like a couple years ago, you know what I'm saying? Like, it wasn't prevalently talked about in the communities. So therefore, like you said, when he's like, you know, praying for someone, you know, that's— it's good to pray, but it's another thing to teach. And we have to— like, every— that's why we really have to really speaks scripture. You know, when he says to Joshua, let this— let my word not depart from your lips, it needs to stay on our lips. So as we hear it more, we, we gain more faith. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. So it's like when I said, well, if I came to— will I find faith? Will we find people speaking the word so that we can edify the body by building it up? And that's that's true prophecy, like prophesying over someone that, you know, God said that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. So that connection is just somebody, you know, walking by somebody and, you know, just saying, hey, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You know, I know, I know his works, you know, full well. They're wonderful. So, you know, um, so it's, it's, it's, it's, it's that as far as the connection, um, that if we don't have Christ abiding in us or the word resonating in— we can't, we can't give. And so that's what causes conflict, is because we don't have the answer inside of us. And so when people don't have the answer, they don't— they can't give it, which makes it hard for, you know, a connection. And it makes it hard for the community to come together because they're not of one mind, you know what I'm saying? So if, if that minding of is in you as it is in Christ Jesus, and it's in, uh, the other person as it is in Christ Jesus. Hey, you got the same mind. So you know that we can have conflict, but where we know that we have to go through that conflict to get the answer.

And

so that's why there's so much struggles, because there's not enough, and, you know, speaking the answer, you know, not just saying, okay, I'm good. No, I have— I, I, I want— even when we not good in the past where, oh, I've dealt with that, but now speaking, okay, this is my strategy, this is my plan, this is, you know. So going over and sharing this, these resources, the tools to help someone else, you know, that is struggling with communication on how to communicate. So once I got better, you know, spiritually, once I got better with communication, once I got better with my emotions and actually You know, going to the feelings wheel and saying, oh well, yeah, this, this describes that feeling. Now I have language, you know. And that's the same thing when you start speaking the word. You have language and you have the answer.

Yes, I'm so glad you said that because that leads right into the next point that I want to make, which is I remember I thought that, okay, Well, I need to get my life together, so let me just go to church. And I messed around and went to a church where they also manipulated me. So I'm like, okay, what am I not knowing? And the Holy Spirit led me to this scripture. For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. And no marvel, for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. So I was like, okay, wait a minute, God. First of all, you can't be dropping this scripture on me because I need to know, how do— how do I know Who is a false apostle, you know, people who are just transforming themselves, you know, not really following the word and manipulating. And I was led to this scripture. I love conversations with God for real because— Look, And it says, beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God, because many false prophets are going out into the world. I'm like, okay, so you said that, I get it, but how do I know? Like, I'm still— something is missing. God, come on, give it to me. What is it? And then he said, okay, Tamika, well, here we go.

Now the Lord is that Spirit.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. And I'm gonna tell you something, this is what I use as a measure wherever I go from this point forward. What I do is this: when I'm in an environment, I'm talking to somebody, listening to somebody, somebody's saying something or whatever, I'm literally asking myself, do I feel liberated? If the answer is no, I gotta go.

That's good, that's good.

What you got? What you got?

I'll look. I'm with you. If it is no, I gotta go. But the thing is, I like how you said the Spirit of God. Um, there's a scripture in John when he said, you do not— uh, when Christ speaking. He said, you— they do not know what manner of spirit they are of. And so there's, you know, we have to test those spirits based off of, like, just like you said, if there's conflict and you're trying to have a conversation with someone but they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're marveling in the spirit of evil. Breaking up. You know, they're they're feeding out of evil, full of them. And it's now the spirit of the Lord is gentle, you know, patient, kind. You know the fruit. There's no law against how much you can love somebody or how much you can be patient with someone. Now if you're being rushed in that in that sense, then you know I'm I'm trying to listen, but they're like or you're trying to not. speak on your own, you know, you're trying to be slow to speak and quick to listen, but they're like, you know, you have to give, give me an answer right now. That is not a spirit of God. That is not the spirit of the Lord. So then therefore, you know, you're, you're not free. You're not free to, you know, freely think on what, you know, what is true, whatever is lovely, whatever is reputable, because now they're suggesting you to that spirit, um, that is not of God. So they— but they don't know what manner of spirit they are. Because I mean, there's situations when, you know, we, we can act out of, um, unawareness, not being aware, you know, something can catch us off guard, um, and we have to really realize what spirit we're going to operate in. Um, so it's, it's that same thing, uh, when it talks about false prophets or, you know, somebody, they don't— they just, they don't know what manner of spirit they are. Um, so we're subjected to that.

So now that we have totally laid out like the sneakiness of pride and stuff like that, let's talk about how to stop, you know, being manipulated and things of that nature because of pride. Okay, so Man, I cannot say this enough— cultivating humility. And I say cultivate because it is something that you literally have to, especially if you have been wounded, if you have a heart wound and your soul is just, you know, really crushed. You do have to cultivate humility because pride is the shield. Like I talked about in my last video, y'all can look at the video to see what I said about that. But pride is a shield that we think helps us not to be hurt further, but that's not true. Because when we have that shield up, right, it is inviting other people to come in and manipulate us. That's what happens. That's, that's the trade-off. You can't put a guard up that is— it has no foundation. First of all, you can't put that guard up and not expect somebody to get in and crush it. So cultivating humility, and what that does not mean, it doesn't mean becoming a pushover, it doesn't mean allowing people to do whatever they want to you. It means cultivating humility where you are easy to let go of stuff because pride, you know, causes us to hold on to grudges, cause us to become easily offended. We have a choice. Somebody do something to us, right? 2 choices. We can choose to say, I can't believe they did that to me, and tell everybody that within earshot, you know what they did? You know what they did to me? Do you know what they did? Girl, you know what they did to me? Or you can say— you can— now you can tell somebody, but you tell God, you see what they did to me? And he gonna be like, uh-huh. Now when my son was there, when they did stuff to him, what did he do? Jesus prayed for them. Yeah. So like, if we started— start making a choice to say, I'm not going to hold on to offense. Someone does something to me, it hurts my feelings. Instead of bringing it close to me, because guess what, that's going to cause more of a heart wound and open me up to pride. I'm gonna let it go. Say, God, you know that hurt my feelings. And then God gonna be like, uh-huh, what, what you gonna do about it? But releasing it, that's the way you cultivate it. And one of the first ways that I always tell people to cultivate it is spending time alone with God, right? Mark 6:31. He said unto them, "Come ye yourselves apart in a desert place and rest for a while." Right? Another way is to love yourself, then others. You know, like, oh, don't get me started on this because I'm trying to behave. But the cute little church colloquialism. Oh, joy stands for Jesus, others, and yourself. No, it does not.

Okay, I've never heard that.

No. Okay, because that is not the scripture. It literally says thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. You— I can't love you if I don't love me. So that's another, another way. But that's another way pride gets in too, because a lot of people like, oh, I love them more than I love myself. The devil is a lie. That's not true, because ain't no way you could love me if you don't love you.

Yeah, that's true.

This is why God says that you gotta love you. And then the, the, uh, final point is to cultivate community. Right? Hebrews 10:25 says, not forsaking the assembly of ourselves together, but exhorting one another so much more as you see the day approaching. Coming together often. There's a reason why God says this, because guess what? There's some stuff, Charnita, you can see in me that I can't see, and vice versa. So if you ain't here holding that mirror up to me, the enemy can sneak in and he gonna get more and more and more footing and more footing until he took over the building.

Gotta kick him out.

So now sum up our points before we bring on our final guest. Our final points of cultivating humility. What, what are your thoughts on that?

My final thoughts on cultivating humility is really, like you said, that spending that time alone with God, really putting things into his hands. Um, and one of the things that— there's another thing we can speak to those sayings, okay, to saying, you know, to Satan, you know, until people get to understand that when I say sayings We can't speak to him when even when Christ said, get thee behind me, you know, um, we, we, we have that power to let him know that you're defeated, that I, I see you, um, and you can get behind me and I'm going to go pray. I'm going to go talk to my Father, do his will. And that's what the humility is really, um, studying and subjecting ourselves and submitting ourselves to the authority, the higher To God, putting, you know, saying, God, I need— whatever we're going through, whether it's grief, whether it's we're dealing with pride, we have to take that to him. We have to take that manipulation, we have to take it over to him because he knows that we're going to go through it, but he's going to give us what we need, whether it's restoration, whether it's empowerment, whether he just wants to sustain us through it or, you know, provide us with the transformation. That humility is saying, I'm so— I'm sub— I'm submitted to God to handle this. If I do it on my own, then that's where pride can come in. Um, and I don't know everything. I don't know. I don't have the answers. Every battle that I face, I'm not going to— I can't say I know I have the victory. I can go in with that mind knowing that I have the victory because I know who is with me. I know who sees me. I know who hears me and whose power and authority is standing right here. It's not my own authority. And that's cultivating that humility and saying, just as I love myself and I have that same authority that lies in for me, what you go through as a neighbor and, you know, in the community, that same authority with you as I intercede. That's where the power of intercession— I can enter can intercede and say, you know, somebody's going through something, I'm gonna take it to God in prayer for you and cultivate that humility, you know, for you through me, because I love you like I love you. You know, we should love each other, you know, like you said, love others as yourself. So if I know I need God, I know everybody else needs him

too. Yes. And one of the ways that I believe that we can help to build community is something that we've started called, um, Safe Spaces Virtual Meetings, and I'm super excited. I'm gonna bring on one of our facilitators, Ms. Jay. Jay, are you there? Hi, hi, hi,

I am here. Hey, hey, hey

everyone! Let's talk about our She Safe Spaces and our last meeting. Talk— tell the people what happened and how you feeling about it.

Oh my gosh, um, the She Safe Spaces— and you guys have to forgive me a little bit, I'm not quite sure what everything is looking like in my background, so we're gonna just keep it safe because this is a safe space and not turn my camera on. Right now. But in our last meeting with She Safe Spaces, the way that our participants shared their heart and their stories with us and found a place of encouragement and revelation, I think, in some manners of speaking, because, you know, there's so many times that is very relevant that we get clarity through just being able to talk through how we feel. And, you know, to, to the point of this wonderful discussion you ladies are having, sometimes the safest spaces are not always amongst the people that we know, the people that are in our families, the people that are in our churches. And sometimes we can find safer spaces with strangers who can just hold the space. And so the creation of these spaces has absolutely been purposeful and intentional. with being able to create that. And our sharing on Saturday really exemplified that in such a beautiful and amazing way. I was so honored to be a part of how the event went down and looking forward to being able to engage more as we go forward.

Yay, that's so good, that's so good. If you are looking for deeper connections and community where you can Be safe. Please feel free to scan the QR code, sign up for our next meeting. It's free, free 99, as they say. But, um, everyone needs a supportive space where people can see you, right? Where we can hold up the light and the mirror to say, hey, this is what's going on and I, I need some support in that area. So yeah, thanks so much, Jay, for coming on to give us information about that. So right here, we about to wrap this up. What's your final thoughts before we go?

Well, we're talking about the safe spaces and she closing that out. When you say dwell in the secret place of the Most High God, and that's, that's that safe space, you know, that's, that's, that's the feeling that you get within the She Space. And, um, I would say that's how I would like to close this out. Continue to dwell thinking on whatever is true, whatever is lovely, and so that peace that surpasses all understanding guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus. And that's, that's how— yeah, guard your heart.

Tell the people where to find you on the social platforms before we get out of here.

Yes, you can find me on YouTube at Sharnita Gates TV and on Instagram at Sharnita Awakens.

I love it, I love it. Thank you so much for coming on here, having a conversation about pride and how to stop being manipulated.

Yes, because he is defeated. Those things are defeated, and we choose to seek him, seek God, and all— get in all our getting, get an understanding. And understanding helps Stop the pride. When you get an understanding, an understanding, it allows you not to have to do or lean on your own understanding. So get an understanding.

Yeah, well, can you say a quick prayer for those of us who are still struggling in the area and really trying to come together with people but just been hurt too much?

Yes, I love to pray for

Thank you.

Our hearts and minds are open. Dear Heavenly Father, we come before you right now standing in all of your works, your word, your truth, your ways, your thoughts. And we thank you that your thoughts are not our thoughts and your ways are not our ways. They are high and they're, they're higher and they're above everything. So Lord, we thank you that you are our our provider, you are our sustainer, that you are the source of our strength. And I pray right now, Lord, that as everyone have an ear to hear, they will hearken their hearts to you, Lord, and get an understanding and ask for wisdom and go boldly. So right now, Lord, I pray that your Holy Spirit just have its way, continue to uplift us, strengthen us, and guide us in to all truths as we continue to trust in you with all our heart and lean not to our own understanding. And Lord, although that we, we face sufferings, that you said we will have trouble in this world, but I thank you, Lord, that you have given us the ability to persevere so that you can build a character in us. And Lord, give us that hope that you promised us in Jeremiah 29:11, for you know the plans that you have for us, and those are plans are not to harm us but to give us that hope And for our future. So Lord, we place all—we place every bit of pride and every bit of manipulation in your hands, Lord. And we thank you, Lord, that you will reveal the answer. So we call out unto you, and we trust you, and we believe you, and we—we come to you with open hearts to understand, Lord, and to be a doer, and continue to study the scriptures, continue to open up our ears, and love one another. And the command that you've given us to love one another. And we glorify you, we reverence you, and we call out unto you on today. In your Son Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

Amen. Thank you so much for that. Thanks for joining me again, Charnita. Thanks everyone who came on and just watched us and stayed stuck here with us. We appreciate you. Again, share this with a friend if you feel the need to. And I will see y'all for the next video of the Pride series. It's gonna be good, y'all. So behave, and if not, be good at it.