In this YouTube video, parenting coach Tameka Anderson (the "Fun Coach") walks caregivers through a step‑by‑step approach to managing a child’s public meltdown—illustrated by a scenario in a cereal aisle where a child throws a fit over not getting Fruity Pebbles. She first helps caregivers identify their own trauma‑based response (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn) by checking body cues, voice pitch, and speaking pace. She then guides them to pause, breathe, and find their own calm before engaging the child. The core coaching steps are: (1) regulate your own nervous system (breath, pitch, pace); (2) anchor to a single, clear message (e.g., "We’re getting oatmeal, not Fruity Pebbles"); (3) make eye‑to‑eye contact and sit with the child’s discomfort; and (4) name the child’s underlying need rather than labeling the behavior (e.g., "I see you’re frustrated because you can’t have what you want"). Throughout, Anderson emphasizes that adults must model self‑care and emotional regulation, showing children how to experience big emotions without harming others. The video ends with a call‑to‑action to click a link in the description for further coaching.
Chapters
The little human is about to test your patience. They about to bring you everything. What Anita Baker say? Giving you everything that I got. PTSD. It's 5:45. You're in the cereal aisle and your little human has just decided to go full-on meltdown mode. All because you didn't pick up the Fruity Pebbles. As if that wasn't bad enough. Every stranger in the aisle. Now you can feel their eyeballs on you. What you gonna do? Here's what I'd ask you to try if we were working together. Be sure to save this for later and share with another mom who may need it. First thing we're gonna do, what is your body doing? Do you want to fight them? You know something, is your fist balled up? Is your shoulders all reared back, raring to go? Maybe you just want to run out of the store. You embarrassed this little human is not— decides right now to do this. Oh, that ain't you? Okay. What if you're numbing out? What if you're zoning out? What if you're trying to distract yourself from what's obviously happening right in front of you? Still not you? Okay, so maybe you want to bribe them and tell them, okay, this time we'll get the Fruity Pebbles. Knowing good and well this time is all the time. Well, I'll tell you what, all of those are considered trauma responses: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. And we're not gonna do none of that. The first thing we're gonna do to figure out which mode are we present in, we are gonna pay attention to 2 things: our pitch and our pace. What is the pitch of our— or your voice? What is the pace in which you're speaking? Are you? Oh my goodness, please stop it! Are you speaking fast? And we're not going to do any of those fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. What we going to do right now? We're going to pause and take a breath. I hear you. Take a breath. Yes, take a breath because we cannot if our child is right here in the chaos and we're joining them in the chaos. We don't want to do that no more. We— my motto is this: don't join their chaos, invite them into our calm. So we got to get— we got to find our calm first. So that's the first thing we're gonna do, find the calm. Breathing is a quick way to do that. Next thing we're gonna do, we ain't gonna tell them 50, 11 things to do.
Don't talk to me like that.
We're gonna anchor one Message. That's it. One. We're not getting Fruity Pebbles, we're getting oatmeal. That's it. We're not saying, why do you touch that? Why are you whining? Why are we crying? We're not asking why. We're not telling them don't do this, don't go here, stop doing that. One message. We're not getting Fruity Pebbles, we're getting oatmeal. Because when we're overwhelmed We tend to bark orders, and it's a lot. Nervous system is already activated. Dysregulation is happening in real time. Ain't nobody listening anyway, so why are we saying all of these messages? Anchor to one message. We're not getting this, we're getting that. Next thing we're gonna do, because by this time the little human is about to test your patience, okay? They about to go, they about to bring everything. What Anita Baker say? Giving you everything that I got, they about to do that for you. So what we're gonna do is we are going to pause for the cause. We are going to be eyeball to eyeball with our little human. I hear you, what if they rolling around? Oh, we gonna sit there and watch them. Yes, we are, because we get to sit In the discomfort. What? I'ma tell you why. Yeah, I'ma tell you why. Because finally— now usually when my grandson, he don't really act out when I'm around, but the last time that he did and I was around, usually by the time I do this last step, he'd be cracking up laughing with me. So if we do this right, this is what's gonna be happening too, okay? Now listen, this is what we're gonna do. We are going to name the need, not the behavior. We're not going to say, oh, you keep whining. We're not saying that. We're not gonna say, why are you crying? We're not gonna say that either. We're not gonna say stop crying. We're not gonna say stop doing anything. We're not gonna say stop anything. We're gonna name the need and not the behavior. What does that look like? So they call me Fun Coach because I help you find unmet needs. So we're gonna name need looks like this. You're gonna say, I can imagine you feel frustrated because you can't have something that you want. And child, when I tell you I know how that feel, cause huh, I want I want to not have to pay bills. Okay, can somebody do that for me please? Matter of fact, I don't want to have to buy these groceries. I want that. That's the one that I want. Talk about frustration. But if I rolled around on this floor and started crying and screaming and stuff, what are we doing about that? Listen, by the time I'm done naming needs, Child, they be asking me if I need a hug. Because the point is for us to show and take care of ourselves. As the adult, we have to practice taking care of ourselves so that we can show them what it looks like when you get frustrated, You feel angry, you feel all of these hard, big emotions, and still not hurt other people in the process. Okay, this is what I do and what I would do if me and you were working together. Take care of yourself first so that you can take care of your littles better. And if you would like for us to work together, all you got to do is click the link in the description. I'll see you next time.
