In this self‑help monologue, Fun Coach Tameka explains why estranged adult children often find it difficult to form and keep friendships. She opens with a biblical illustration of Judas’s betrayal of Jesus, arguing that Jesus’s response models how to handle disloyalty. Tameka then argues that the core issue is a lack of healthy boundaries, which is compounded by codependency—an addiction to people‑pleasing. She shares several personal anecdotes (a $10 debt dispute, a toxic friend who sent a ten‑page hate letter, and a later supportive friend) to illustrate how boundary failures and codependent dynamics create friendship trauma. The video outlines the hallmarks of friendship trauma and trauma‑bonding—intense emotional swings, isolation, fear of retaliation, and difficulty ending the relationship. Tameka offers practical guidance: be honest with yourself, set clear boundaries, identify “safe people” who can hold space without judgment, and use reflective journaling. She ends with a journal prompt about supportive friendships, promotes a 30‑day imposter‑syndrome journal for estranged adults, and encourages viewers to like, share, and subscribe.
Chapters
Friends who were leeching narcissistic buttholes. I believe it's because of this. When you gonna bring me my $10? Y'all gotta be careful about them friends who don't like you, okay? PTSD. Hey y'all, Fun Coach Tameka here. In this video, I'm gonna share why it's so hard for estranged adult children to make friends, what they need to do right now to change that, and how to recognize the signs of friendship trauma. Uh-oh. Stick around to the end and I'll share how I Smile in your face all the time and want to take your place. Backstabbers, backstabbers. We're going to talk about the greatest friendship betrayal in the Bible, Judas and Jesus. After digging in the life of Judas, I believe Jesus wanted to teach us how to deal with betrayal in friendship. In John 12, Mary and Martha was throwing this dinner party. They invited Jesus. invited Jesus because they're, you know, he had raised their brother Lazarus from the dead. And I imagine they probably just wanted to show their love and gratitude. So Martha is serving, Lazarus is chilling at the table with Jesus, and Mary, oh, she had broke out the expensive perfume oil and was rubbing Jesus' feet with the oil in her hair. And here come Judas talking about, but Jesus, She— why is she wasting that expensive oil on your feet? We could sell the oil and give the money to the poor. First of all, Jesus being the God that he is knew Judas's heart and he knew Judas didn't care about no poor people. He didn't care about doing nothing but lining his pockets. So Jesus was like, nah, let her be. Now pause, check it out. Rather than exposing Judas, Jesus addressed his false concern and kept it moving. I believe Jesus just wanted to teach us how to treat people, especially those who betray us and ain't loyal. Which leads me to my first point. Why is it so hard to make friends as adults? I believe it's because— okay, so looking at the relationship that Jesus had with Judas. Jesus had 12 disciples. Only 3 of them he was really, really close with. And it's because he knew one-on-one loyal. Okay? He even protected his lie identity as Myron Golden. Which speaks volumes for Jesus's boundaries. I believe when we lack healthy boundaries, we find it harder to attract and keep great friends because boundary is a way we say, hey, here's where I draw the line in relationships without worrying that speaking up might disrupt the relationship. I remember a time I befriended this woman who was dating one of my nephews and she didn't have a vehicle. I would pick her up to take her grocery shopping or whatever else she needed to do. I would do a lot of things for her. She lived about an hour away. She never offered me gas money. I never asked. So she would often watch my daughter for me when I needed someone to watch her. I would pay her immediately based off of whatever she asked me for. This one particular day, I had an opportunity to work some overtime, so I asked her how much she charged me, and I didn't have the exact amount on me. I was $10 short, so I gave her what I had and told her I would pay her back later. Couple weeks went by. Honestly, I forgot that I owe her $10, right? She come calling me one day with her hater of a sister who was sitting next to her instigating, talking about, uh, when you gonna bring me my $10? It was all about how she asked, and you know, I got mad. We went back and forth for a minute. I said, okay, cool, I'mma come take you your money. Brought the $10, dropped it off, and I was like, it's a wrap, we done. Why did $10 disrupt a friendship? I believe it was because both of us were codependent. It's hard to set healthy boundaries in a friendship when you are codependent, cuz I think of codependency like an addiction. It's an addiction to people pleasing, which leads me to my next point. What are the signs of friendship trauma? I would say this is a major sign. I remember I had another friend that I found out the hard way she ain't even like me. Y'all got to be careful about them friends who don't like you, okay? However, I'm going to digress. Real quick. And so me and her would hang out, do things together. She was kind of selfish. So I remember one time we hung out, she introduced me to another friend of hers. Me and her other friend would, you know, often talk sometimes when she wasn't around. Y'all probably already know where I'm going with this. One day, this friend found out that I had said something about her— surprise, surprise— to the other friend. Now they jumping on a bandwagon to come against me. By this time, I was good and pregnant with my second child. So they called me one day talking about, when you— we can't wait till you have that baby. We don't like you. When you have that baby, we gonna beat your— me being the me that I am, I was like, uh-uh, we ain't gotta wait, player. Hold up, what time you gonna be at the house? Because I'm pulling up. Okay, sidebar, I was real reckless then, okay? I'm just saying Jesus was protecting me. Anyway, back to the story. I pull up and we exchange some unpleasantries. Long story short, police was called. Another relationship bites the dust. So what happened there? I wasn't honest with myself. I could tell this girl didn't like me. It was all in her behavior, all in the way she treated me, all in the way she act, all the way she spoke to me. Not being honest with myself, pride, insecurity, arrogance was all a perfect concoction for a toxic cocktail. I believe this is one of the reasons why God does not want us to fall into pride, because pride invites Codependency, and so with that codependency, one unhealthy emotional person is kind of like dependent on the other unhealthy emotional person, and it's just a total mess. And the only way to heal leads me to our final point and the re the main reason why it's so hard for estranged adult children to make friends. How do I prevent friendship trauma? I believe it's because of this. I went to Malcolm X College in Chicago, Illinois, and I was enrolled in the pharmacy technology certification program. I met this young lady. We were about the same age, and we became fast friends. We would hang out together, do all kinds of things together, and she quickly became my best friend. I noticed that she was, you know, she would do things that I didn't like, but I never said anything until One time, I didn't know that she was actually on three-way with someone else that I was on the phone with, and of course, I was talking about her. She started distancing herself from me. She never told me what was going on. I moved from Chicago to Georgia. By this time, I'm still trying to figure out what's going on. This girl sends me a ten-page hate letter. Ten pages! I was devastated. She telling me all of the reasons why she hated being my friend. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Because I was so hurt, I decided after that I would never get another best friend again. However, 5 years later, I did get another best friend who was the best friend I could ever have after that. So what are some signs of friendship trauma bonding? Intense highs and lows. Like there would be times where she would all be like, oh yeah, you deserve this. Other times she dismissive, giving me the silent treatment, feeling responsible for their emotions. Sometimes she would manipulate me into thinking that I deserved the treatment she was giving me. Isolation from other friends and family. Well, she knew that I didn't have a close relationship with my family, so she used that to her advantage. Fear of the anger and retaliation. I was afraid of her anger, so I didn't speak up often. That's one of the reasons why I was talking about her behind her back, which ain't no excuse, y'all. I'm just saying, back then, that's what I thought. Difficulty leaving the relationship. I knew she wasn't a great friend, but I was Afraid to stop being her friend for fear of being alone. So those are some signs of like trauma bonding and friendship trauma. Okay, so boom, learning how to stay sucker-free, recognizing the signs of unhealthy friendship dynamics, being honest with yourself, and setting healthy boundaries. So how did I go from choosing friends who were leeching narcissistic buttholes to having deep meaningful friendships? Literally just yesterday I text a friend and say, hey, pray for me. Not only did she say done, but she called me. And you know the first thing she said? She said, I wanted to hear your voice. Oh, having deep meaningful friendships are the bomb, right? So how did I go from that to this? One reason I believe a safe person is someone who's present, personable, and powerful. Someone who can hold space for all of the emotions— good, bad, ugly, and all the in-betweens. They can listen without filling uncomfortable silence with something else, because sometimes we need safe and loving people who have a larger container to hold us. Journal prompt for today: reflect on a time when you felt truly supported and understood by a friend. What qualities did this friend possess that made the relationship feel healthy and positive? In the next video, I'll break down more of imposter syndrome, how it shows up in our lives, And prevents us from being who God called us to be. But for now, I've created a 30-day imposter syndrome journal specifically for estranged adult children. Link is in the description. Be sure to click it. Like, share, and subscribe. Hope this was helpful. See you next video.
