Tameka AndersonBehavior Coach | Creator of the THRIVE™ Framework & CALM Method™ at Cultivate Potential Strategies

Yikes…😬 #trauma #momlife #gentleparenting

27 Jun 2025 · 2 min

Watch on YouTube

2:10

In this personal YouTube narrative, a mother recounts a harrowing moment when her nearly 30‑year‑old daughter froze on the witness stand during a courtroom confrontation with her accuser. After the incident, the mother drives her daughter home, offering compassionate questions that lead the daughter to express gratitude, confront her lukewarm faith, and read Jeremiah 1:5. The scripture’s message—that God knew her before she knew herself—helps the daughter reframe her self‑judgment. The mother identifies the daughter’s emotional shutdown as a trauma response, linking it to the daughter’s current parenting challenges (freezing, child feeling rejected, meltdowns). She then reflects on her own childhood trauma response (fight) and how it manifested as resentment and emotional suppression. Recognizing the intergenerational cycle, the mother introduces the “Be‑Do‑Have” principle, emphasizing becoming an emotionally safe mother first, with actions and outcomes following naturally. The narrative weaves together trauma awareness, faith‑based reassurance, and gentle‑parenting strategies.

Chapters

My almost 30-year-old daughter froze and forgot everything she was gonna say on the witness stand when she was facing her accuser that day. We got in my car. She looked frustrated and began to cry. Why are you crying? I asked. I hate how I respond to him, she said. So you're just going to beat yourself up about it? I asked. She said nothing. So I sat with her a little more. Then I asked, what are 5 things you're grateful for? She began to name me and 4 other people. And I said, what do you believe about God? Because I noticed he wasn't on your list. Tears began I said, what? Why do you think that? She said, well, I don't go to church like I should. I don't read my Bible often, and I'm lukewarm. I said, so you think God is disappointed with you for being human? She said nothing. I asked, what does Jeremiah 1:5 say? She pulled it up and began to read. Before you were formed in your mother's belly, I knew thee and ordained thee to be a prophet to the nations. Her voice cracked as she read it. And I said, read it again. She read it about 5 times before she could read it without crying. And I asked, what does that verse say to you? And she said that before I knew me, God knew me and he still chose me. I said, isn't that amazing? He knew you before I knew you. And although he has a plan for you, he knew that you would make a detour and he gonna use that too. She said, I never thought about it like that. Then she said, I hate how I shut down my emotions and get stuck. I said, it's a trauma response. Can you imagine how that's showing up in your parenting? You freeze. He feels rejected. He melts down. Rinse and repeat. She said, yeah, I gotta do better. I said, no, be, not do. I said, when you were younger, I also had a trauma response. Mine was fight. When you would have big emotions, I would resent you because I was never allowed to express anything except happiness. So I would resent you, then I would ignore you. You would melt down. Rinse and repeat. Then you learned to suppress your emotions in order to keep me happy. Yikes. I'm sorry I did that to you. This is why I learned that Be-Do-Have principle. Become an emotionally safe mom, and the doing and having will come naturally.