In this personal testimony, Tami Holladay recounts her 23‑year relationship with a church that shaped her identity from age 19 onward. When her husband’s role in the church ended, the leadership gave him an “end date,” prompting a painful departure that felt like a divorce, leaving them grieving the loss of a church family. She describes the deep sense of church hurt—identity entanglement, loss of community support, and lingering grief—and how it forced her to re‑evaluate who she is beyond vocational ministry. The narrative then shifts to a new, looming transition: the closure of her husband’s family business, requiring him to find a new career outside his familiar field, leveraging his team‑building talents. Throughout, she emphasizes coping strategies—taking one day at a time, embracing risk, and not clinging to rigid timelines. Finally, she extends an invitation to others experiencing church hurt, offering a direct‑message channel for sharing stories and receiving support.
Chapters
In November of 2024, I was sitting in a church that I had been a part of for 23 years. I had called it home for 23 years. I sat there crying because I knew it was my last church service that I would attend in that place. You see, it was a church that really formed me. I actually started there when I was 19, but it was a season of my life where what I, the community that I gained, what I was learning about myself and and who I am, my identity, all of that was really foundational in my life at that time. And it was really important to me and meant a lot. Then here I was 23 years later, sitting in this service, really heartbroken because my husband and I were in a transition. And my husband was working for the Church at the time, and we felt like there was a need to make a change. And so as he started to pursue looking for something else, A couple of his mentors encouraged him to share with the church leadership that he was looking for something else. He said to them, I don't have anything. I'm just looking. I'm here. I'm committed. And he worked well for them for many more months. My husband had interviews and things were not transpiring. And then the church leadership came to him and said, hey, you're probably getting close to finding something, so we're giving you an end date. And that was scary. Because the end date, I think it gave us a month or so, and there was a lot of hurt. I think a part of why it hurt for me was I had been a part of that church and known a lot of these people for so many years, and they were family. And once this transition started, conversations stopped and support— it didn't feel like there was support there, and the community was gone. My husband used a word to describe it, that it felt like a divorce. He was grieving. I was grieving. We lost a family. And I don't know about you, but if you have experienced church hurt at this level or other levels, I know it's not uncommon. After we've gone through this, we've met so many people that have worked within ministries and churches that have had similar hurts. They haven't known how to share that in this space, but I want to share it because I want you to know you're not alone if you're going through it now. I want you to know that If you have experienced that, there are others too, and there's places to be able to talk about it. And if you've not worked through the grief that comes through that, that is something that's so important to do. It took a long time for my husband and myself even to work through some of our identity that was wrapped up into the work that we were doing. It can still creep in on me. Um, but to realize that the work I do or did in vocational ministry is not who I am and does not impact who I And becoming. So all of that to say, that was a season of transition. It was really hard. It was really hard. Any seasons of transition can be hard, especially big ones like that— divorce, leaving a church family, moving, changing careers, right? There's so many things that impact us. In actuality, we are gearing up again for another big transition, and it's hard. Grief is starting again. My husband said it's fine to share, but a transition is happening for him. Yeah. And has been working with his family for years, the last ten years when we moved here. And sadly, they're closing their doors, and that means for my husband finding another career. And that's scary because he's not most likely staying within the same career. That was part of the family business. He wants to explore some other avenues where he can use his talents of team building. He's an amazing team builder, and so he wants to. find a place that he can do that. And so here we are gearing up for a transition, gearing up for the unknown, because really in any of these experiences of big transitions like this, there's so much unknown, right? And so we're gearing up for that and it's gonna be okay. Thankfully, I have a part of me that's a risk taker and I have, I believe in what my husband has to offer and I know things will come through, but I learned the last time. Not to lean on what timeline we have or what plan we have, and just to go with it, to take each step day by day and see what transpires. But that is something I love to support others with as well, is these changes, these transitions, and especially those of you who might have some sort of church hurt. That is a place that, because I've walked it, there's a level of understanding. And that then allows me to be able to come alongside you and help you and support you in that. So if you have, or you are in a place of struggle within church setting, within vocational ministry or something like that, please, please reach out, DM me, tell me your story. This is a place that you can share your story and feel heard and feel supported.
