In this personal testimony, Tami Holladay recounts a period of deep shame that arose from choices she made while serving in ministry. Feeling trapped, alone, and fearing rejection, she struggled with self‑hatred and the belief that others would despise her if they knew the truth. Tami describes a three‑step process that helped her move from shame to freedom: (1) seeking a confidential counselor, which provided a safe space to disclose her actions and begin self‑forgiveness; (2) vulnerably sharing her story with a few trusted friends, whose gracious acceptance challenged her belief that her past made her a horrible person; and (3) continuously replacing the false internal narrative (“if people really knew me they would reject me”) with scriptural truths and memories of acceptance, thereby rewriting her self‑image. She emphasizes the importance of selective disclosure—sharing only with trustworthy, deep‑relationship individuals—and warns against over‑sharing with untrustworthy people. Finally, Tami offers a judgment‑free, confidential coaching space for others struggling with shame, inviting them to connect for initial support.
Chapters
How I went from feeling shame to experiencing freedom and grace. I made choices when I was serving in ministry that I thought I would never make. I didn't want to. I tried to fight the tempting thoughts, and I asked a close friend to pray for me. I didn't share with her in detail what thoughts were. I was really general because I was fearful of if she really knew what I was thinking, that she would reject me. So I ended up choosing to follow my thoughts, and it became a very low point in my life. I beat myself up for the actions that I had made, and I couldn't let go of that for a really long time. The shame constantly bombarded me. I felt trapped, and I felt alone. I didn't feel like I could tell anybody what I was truly experiencing. And that was right where Satan wanted me. Feeling weighed down, not liking myself, really hating myself for my choices. The main message that I heard was that if others really knew me, they would reject me. They wouldn't accept me. This whole idea of releasing shame is a process. And so I wanted to share with you the process that I went through. One of my first steps was finding a counselor who I felt like I knew was safe because they're a counselor, there's confidentiality. And so I could share what I did, what my choices were, and what I was feeling. And that really helped me. It was the first person that I was able to release my secret to. And it allowed me to begin to process and understand what was going on in my world at that time. Why did I choose to do what I did? And to, to learn how to begin forgiving myself. I want to share with you then the next step that I took, and that was finding a few safe friends to tell. This was one of the hardest steps I had to take, but I had to be vulnerable and reveal this part of myself to be able to be true to who I am rather than keeping this secret about me. And so, um, I ended up sharing with these couple of friends who I had deep relationship with, who I had seen that I could trust them. And their response was that of grace and acceptance, and that was freeing. It was freeing to see that maybe, maybe what I had been believing for years, that my past decisions made me a horrible person, maybe that wasn't true. So I want you to know it's important that I don't broadcast my past and all of my choices here on social media or to friends and every single person I meet. I think it's really important for me to say right now that There are vulnerable things in our lives that we can hold for a few. Not hold and keep secret, because I believe that keeps us bound, but hold for a few. There are people out there that we can't trust, and they will hurt us if we share every intimate part of our lives. So as I'm saying this step, make sure that it's— you're sharing with people who are trusted, that you know you can trust, that there is a deeper relationship with. And so that leads me to my third point. The third thing that I do is this continuous work of whenever that false message, that belief comes up, if people really knew who you were, Tammy, then they would reject you. They wouldn't accept you. When I hear that, I replace it with the truth of what scripture says, of what God says about me, of what I have learned. I remember the people that I've already told and they have accepted me, and I just continuously work on Rewriting those false beliefs and knowing that my past doesn't have to define me and I can move forward out of shame with grace and with freedom. If you're feeling the pressure of shame, I want you to know that one of my greatest values as a coach is to be able to provide a space that is judgment-free, confidential, and filled with grace. If you need somewhere to be able to talk about what you're going through, the shame that you're experiencing, please reach out to me and let's talk. We don't have to go into great depth the first time around, but we can at least connect and see if we're a fit for one another to be able to help you take those first steps to release your shame.
