In this personal narrative, Tami Holladay recounts her three‑year journey with the Enneagram. Initially introduced to the system, she and her husband labeled her as a Type 1 because her outward behaviors—perfectionism, a desire to do things "right"—matched that type. After deeper study and certification, she realized those behaviors were expressions of her wing rather than her core type. By examining core motivations—fear of rejection and desire to be loved (Type 2) versus fear of being bad and desire to be good (Type 1)—she recognized she aligns with Type 2. This insight shifted how she interprets her actions, prompting her to speak up for her own needs and understand that her helpful suggestions stem from a desire for connection, not superiority. The revelation improved her marriage, as her husband now sees her suggestions as acts of love rather than control, and she emphasizes how Enneagram awareness can strengthen relationships and community leadership. She concludes by inviting viewers to enroll in her Enneagram typing sessions to gain similar self‑knowledge.
Chapters
About 3 years ago, I was introduced to the Enneagram, and I loved how accurately it described me. At first, I thought, like, I thought as the facilitator was describing what the Enneagram was, I thought I was a Type 2. And then he continued on to describe the other types, and when he got to the Type 1, I felt like I connected with how he was describing some of the qualities of a Type 1. And my husband was like, oh my gosh, yes, you are a Type 1. And so we kind of took on this, I say we because he and I then viewed me through this lens of I'm a Type 1. And we saw a lot of qualities of a Type 1 in me and in how I behaved and acted in the world, right? And in our relationship. So you see a Type 1 and a Type 2 are right next to each other on a diagram, and it is possible for each of those types to to display, to have some of the qualities of each of those types. So for years of living in that filter, my husband and I seeing that I had a lot of the behaviors of trying to do things the right way, trying to be perfect, we saw and thought I was a Type 1. But this year, as I dove in deep into my certification and training, I realized That I don't identify with the core motivations of a Type 1. It was really the behaviors, the outward behaviors that were being displayed were a Type 1, which I believe now and understand now are just the qualities of my wing Type 1 that I took on. So to identify your Enneagram type, you have to look at your core motivations, what your core desire and your core fear are. And a Type 1's core fear is to be bad, corrupt, evil, wrong, and their core desire is to do everything right, to be good. Whereas a Type 2's core fear is to be unwanted, to be unloved, to be rejected, and their core desire is to be loved and seen as kind and loving. They want to be wanted. So as I began this deep dive into the Enneagram, I realized that I identify with the core motivations of a Type 2. When I'm seeking perfection, when I'm seeking to do something right, I do that because I'm concerned with how others view me and I fear their rejection. I mean, it's kind of vulnerable to be saying all of this, but I think it's important to see the difference. Whereas a Type 1, their, their need for doing things right or perfectly is because they don't want to be wrong. They don't want to be bad or not good enough. So there's a difference in the motivation of why 2 people will do something, the same things, right? Why they are doing perfectionistic behaviors. So by having a better understanding of my core fear and desire, It's helped me to be able to know that I need to speak up more for my own needs. It's helped me to kind of see how other people view me and that maybe when I'm making a helpful suggestion, they don't want it. So I have to kind of look at what's my motivation for making a helpful suggestion. Mm-hmm. It's helped me and my husband in our relationship. Um, he now understands that maybe when I make a suggestion of doing something, it's not because I think I'm the right one or my way is the right way. It's because I'm trying to be helpful and connect with him. So by understanding our personality structure, our Enneagram type, it helps us in our relationships. It helps us to impact our communities that we're leading. And so if you are interested in knowing your type and knowing more about what your core motivations are, I encourage you to sign up for one of my Enneagram typing sessions so that we can help you understand yourself better, and help you to impact your community with more confidence.
