In this coaching‑style monologue, the speaker addresses a common self‑defeating belief often phrased as “If they really knew, they wouldn’t trust me / be my friend.” She explains that such false messages arise as protective mental shortcuts formed from past experiences, designed to keep us safe but lacking factual truth. The speaker shares her personal example of uncovering the truth behind this belief by reflecting on the situation, receiving grace from trusted people, and using scripture or quotes to rewrite the narrative. She outlines a practical process for working with any self‑defeating belief: become aware of the belief, investigate its origin, find factual counter‑evidence (through personal reflection, external validation, or inspirational sources), and repeatedly practice new, truthful statements to forge new neural pathways. Finally, she challenges listeners to pick one such belief, capture it, and begin rewriting its truth, offering encouragement and an invitation to share progress.
Chapters
If they really knew. Have you said that to yourself before? Have you heard that message? If they really knew, then they wouldn't trust me. They wouldn't be my friend. They wouldn't want to associate with me. I don't know about you, but I have said that numerous times in my life about a lot of things, about choices that I make, about how I feel as a leader, Or a coach, and I just want to remind you like that message is not you're not alone in it. We all probably I guess I shouldn't make a big group of us all, but I would bet that a great majority of us have had that thought. If they only knew. Have you thought it? There is so many false messages that we have. Taken on through our life, they're not something that just is there. There's a reason that they're there. We take on these false messages because of the things that we experience in life. And in those experiences, our brains try to protect us and create a message that helps us to stay safe. And so a lot of times these, These false messages, I call them false because they don't have truth in them. They're just something that our minds in that moment created to keep us safe, to protect us, to help us feel less harmed. And so I want to encourage you to take some time and think about like each day, I bet you have a false message that comes. That's a regular false message that you believe. And so I want to encourage you take some time with that message. For instance, A message for me, if only they knew the mistakes that I made, then they may not want to be my friend. I know why. I've done the work. I know why that message is there. I have done the work to find truth either in just replaying that mess— that situation and knowing what happened and knowing why it happened, having understanding of that. I've been able to find truth of— to combat that if only message, they wouldn't be my friend. And by actually sharing with safe people what I did and receiving their grace and their love has helped me know that that if only message is not true. So when you do false belief or self-defeating belief work, it's important to know and have awareness of that belief that keeps bombarding you. Discover why it was there, why it— your mind created it. Find truth through either action of other people, through scripture, through quotes to help you recreate new neural pathways to replace that false message. And then it's a practice to continuously replace it because it's not just a one and done. It's a process. A lot of what you hear me talk about here is life is a process. The things that we desire to change, the things that we need to do to continue moving forward and improve our lives and to be able to live the life that we desire, the life of truly who we are. If we peel away some of the layers of protection, the true self, to be able to live as that true self, we have to have process. We have to take time to peel those layers away. And so I would like to encourage you in the next day, why don't you just find one thing that you feel like, one belief that you feel like has been a self-defeating belief And take it captive and start to work at rewriting the truth about who you are and the truth of that message. Would love to hear from you. Let me know how that goes for you, or if you need any encouragement in that process.
