Clay Linkous breaks down defensive moves people make when receiving feedback: excuses, blame-shifting, attacking the other person, or pivoting to your own positives. Each one kills the conversation and makes people less likely to give you honest input again.
The best way I can talk about defensiveness is defensiveness shows up when we make excuses, or we redirect the conversation to focus on someone else's shortcomings, or we point out the mistakes of the person giving us that feedback, or we blame somebody else for it, or we change the subject to what we did well, right? Well, I know you want to talk about this error, but let me tell you all this good stuff I do, right? Those are all forms of defensiveness. And It's easy to feel like we've been attacked, but what you ultimately need to understand is that defensiveness will shut down that conversation and you'll be less likely to get that feedback in the future.
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