Episode 48: Holes in the Boat – Navigating Secret Sabotage, Mental Wellness and Re-Examining The Why

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Welcome to the Trigger and the Truth podcast. I'm your host Tina White, and this is the space where we we take a deep dive into the complexities of relationships— romantic, family, friendships, workplace dynamics, and of course, entrepreneurship— and how they intertwine with our mental health and wellness. As a dedicated mental health advocate, we don't just have conversations. We lean into the hard truths, peel back the layers, and journey together toward understanding, closure, and personal growth. More than ever, we're on a collective mission to find peace, clarity, and healing. This is your safe space to explore the moments that shaped you, discover your triggers, uncover the truths, and find the healing you deserve. So whether you're searching for solace, insight, or a fresh perspective, you're in the right place. If this is your first time tuning in, welcome to the conversation. I'd love for you to like, share, and pass this along to someone who might need some encouragement or insight. Now let's dive into today's episode and start this journey into self-discovery and wellness together.

Welcome back to The Trigger and the Truth. As we close out the summer and walk into autumn, I've been reflecting. I love autumn. It's the season of transition. Students are stepping into independence, parents are adjusting to their freshmen moving into dorms, and business owners are trying to close out the third quarter strong while preparing for the fourth. Change is everywhere, but with every transition comes pressure. Stress, expectations. And for me, it's also brought clarity because I've learned that no matter how hard you row, if your boat has holes, you're gonna sink. And most of the time, those holes are things we ignore. Secret sabotage, energy drainers, responsibilities we never put down, and the weight of unprocessed pain. For years, I carried a sadness I couldn't name. I kept functioning, raising kids, running businesses, showing up, but I never stopped. And eventually, during a routine doctor's visit, I finally told the truth about what I was feeling. That's when I heard the word "dysthymia," which is persistent depressive disorder. Not a breakdown, not dramatic. But a heaviness that lingers even when life looks fine on the outside. That diagnosis made me realize something: survival and wellness are not the same thing. You can keep rowing, but if you never stop to patch the holes, eventually the water will catch up to you. So today we're diving into the reality of those holes, the sabotage we overlook, the energy leaks we normalize, and the mental wellness practices that can patch the boat before it sinks. Just like with the change of seasons, dealing with life and all of these transitions, there's weight, there's stress, there are hidden challenges we don't always talk about. And that's why today's episode is called "Holes in the Boat: Living with Dysthymia." Because no matter how hard you row, if you don't pay attention to the sabotage, the energy drainers, and your mental wellness, you're sinking without even realizing it. When I started this podcast, it was about telling the truth about healing, the raw, unfiltered truth. And over time, as we've grown, I've learned that part of my truth is living with dysthymia, a mild but long-term depression that didn't stop me from functioning but forced me to push forward without reflection or rest. I had responsibilities— children, work, life— and I couldn't stop. But ignoring it came at a cost, and my mental health began to pay the price. That's why I've had to reexamine my why— why I started this show, why I keep showing up even when it feels heavy, and why I integrate resources into my life that help me keep growing, but with balance. Which brings me to today's partner, Mind Alive. Their products aren't just gadgets, they're tools. Tools that help regulate your mood, reduce anxiety, and create space for reflection, even when life won't slow down. And for me, living with dysthymia, these tools matter because they help me cope, they help me breathe, and they remind me that healing isn't about perfection. It's about capacity. Chapter 1: Rewinding the Story: My Journey from Survival to Success. Let's take a step back and rewind a little so you understand exactly where this story begins. About 2 and a half years after I gave birth to my twins, I woke up one morning with a stark realization. My marriage wasn't working. It wasn't what it appeared to be. My ex-husband had quietly decided he wasn't going to keep up his end of the bargain. The partnership we had promised each other no longer existed. And there I was, far from home, living in another state, looking at my two babies, thinking, "I'm somebody's mother. Two somebodies at the same damn time." That's when reality hit, and I made a decision. I packed up that little gray BMW wagon,— a push gift I had received before the twins arrived, back when I still believed the lies my husband fed me every day. I packed up the twins' belongings, my clothes, my laptop, my shoes, of course, and without hesitation, I left. I never looked back. It was September 2009. Don't get me wrong, I love King of Prussia. It was right outside of Philly, a beautiful town We were living in our second apartment since living in Pennsylvania, a beautiful apartment in a high-rise building, but it simply wasn't for me. By December 2009, I had enrolled myself at the Brooklyn School of Real Estate. I passed my class in the NYC salesperson license exam on the first try, and within a month of getting licensed, I closed my first rental deal. Deal. That deal wasn't just a transaction, it was a symbol of survival. It represented my first steps towards self-sufficiency, toward building something of my own. Soon after, I found myself creating lifelong bonds with Daria, Lisa, and Ida at Urban Sanctuary, a brokerage right on Wool and Pearl Street in NYC, where Daria and me were recruited fresh out of to the state school.

What a time to tell the truth. Let's unpack a heavy bag that's been bursting at the seams. We owe it to ourselves to hold ourselves accountable, owning our part in the breakdown of a relationship. One of us might be a narcissist, or maybe both of us. Are you willing to tell the truth about your role? Did you burn sage only to pass out from the fumes? Are you perhaps the root cause of the problem? I'll go first. If I'm being honest, I can be problematic when my buttons are pushed or when I feel my boundaries have been crossed. God is still working on me, and that's why we're here. I'm taking this journey with you because I need healing just as much as anyone else. I've had to confront my own tendencies. I've realized that in conflict, I almost always become an avoidant. I shut down, walk away, and don't look back. That's not healthy. So here's the question: can you face yourself and admit to your part? The first step toward healing is honesty.

Chapter 2: Building Success on Shaky Ground. At Urban Sanctuary, I learned the things they don't teach you in real estate school. Isaac, Corinne, and Muhammad taught me the ropes, and I broke bread with people who would shape my career: Matt, Odeus, Habib, Abi, and Joy. Those early years were intense. I worked tirelessly, moving from deal to deal, learning the market, and gaining trust. Later, I went on to work in Fort Rockaway with Tony, who gave me an incredible opportunity to expand my experience. Within 2.5 years of being licensed, I closed over 100 rental deals in just 6 months, from April through September, and that success allowed me to sit for my broker's license. Fast forward to 2018, I opened my own brokerage in Springfield Gardens, the very neighborhood I grew up in. My mission was simple but powerful: to return to my roots, to show the next generation that success was possible, and to inspire them to dream bigger. I wanted to shift the mindset of a community that had seen so much loss and hardship. But what I didn't anticipate was the undercurrent of negativity that would follow me. Chapter 3: The Shadow of Sabotage. A month after the grand opening of my brokerage, something shifted. It was as if a dark cloud settled over my business. I couldn't quite put my finger on it at first, But the energy felt off, like someone was silently wishing for my downfall. About 2 weeks after the grand opening, I threw a Labor Day barbecue for the neighborhood. It was meant to keep the momentum going, a way to bring the community together. My cousin Shaw helped me cover the costs, as usual. We bought a grill, food, and everything else we needed. It was supposed to be a celebration, but what happened next was eye-opening. Toward the evening, I went back into my office to take a break. I headed to the bathroom, brand new, fully renovated by my childhood friend Shawntique, and I noticed something odd. Someone had smeared ketchup all over the walls and stuffed paper towels in the toilet. My first instinct was to give the benefit of the doubt. Maybe someone had been drinking too much and stumbled, accidentally making a mess. So I cleaned it up and went back to work. But before the night ended, it happened again. This time it was worse. More ketchup, more paper towels, more disrespect. That's when it hit me. This wasn't an accident. Someone had done this on purpose. And it wasn't just about a bathroom. It was a message. For those who know me and my family, Opening that brokerage was more than a business move. It was a triumph over foster care, poverty, and every obstacle life had thrown at us. To be met with such blatant sabotage was disheartening. It made me question everything. Was I wrong to believe I could bring something positive to the place I grew up in? Chapter 4: The Breaking Point. By February 2020, Things took a darker turn. An incident involving a gun-wielding man outside my brokerage became the tipping point. It triggered something in me, something I hadn't fully acknowledged before. Quietly, a deep sadness crept in. My doctor later diagnosed me with dysthymia, a mild but long-term form of depression. It made sense. For nearly a decade, I had been running without stopping, constantly pushing forward without ever taking the time to process what I was going through. I didn't have time to stop. I had children depending on me, and with my ex-husband out of the picture, the responsibility was all mine. But that level of constant motion without reflection or rest comes at a cost, and eventually my mental health began to pay the price. Chapter 5: Lessons in Mental Health and Wellness. So why do I bring this up and keep bringing it up? These sequence of events shaped me in such a profound way that it pushed me to sit down to reevaluate my life choices, like literally. Now, would I change the trajectory of my career or my life? Never. I look back and the things that life has shown me have been priceless. Take my children, for instance. I look at them and I'm like, wow, God really chose me to be a steward over these particular gifts. He made sure that I was not only prepared, but that I have the demeanor and the desire to take care of them and them me. Having the twins will always be the win that I can never put into words. The Triggering the Truth now has a dedicated call-in hotline, and I want you to use it. Whether you'd like to become a guest on the show, you have a sponsorship inquiry, or maybe you just need a safe space to vent, we got you. Call us at 715-702-8845. And if you're in need of support, we also have access to several local and national mental health resources we can connect you with. Your voice matters. Your story matters. And now you got a direct line to share it. Call today, 715-702-8845. But the experiences with my real estate career and in my marriage that I've shared today taught me a valuable lesson. You can't pour from an empty cup. No matter how strong or resilient you are, ignoring your mental health health will catch up with you. Success isn't just about external achievements, it's about internal well-being. My main focus on the podcast is to be a source of solutions and inspiration for those who may have found themselves in the same or similar situations and felt like they wanted to give up. Exploring how life affects our mental health and well-being is something that we all need to keep on the forefront. When I was younger, I used to hear my elders speak about how someone had a mental breakdown. I never understood what that meant, but as I grew older and experienced life, I understand how that could happen. The diagnosis of dysthymia— you know what's funny? For the longest time, I thought the sadness I felt was just part of life. I always attributed it to losing my parents I was functioning. I got up every morning. I handled my responsibilities. I raised my children. I produced. I created. I pushed forward. To most people, I looked fine. But deep down, no matter what I accomplished or how many things I checked off my list, there was this sadness that never seemed to leave. It wasn't dramatic. I wasn't curled up in bed unable to move. I wasn't in tears every day. Every day, but it was there, lingering. Some mornings it was heavier than others. Some days I could almost forget it, but then it would creep back in like an uninvited guest, reminding me that no matter what I did, joy always had a shadow. I finally mentioned it to my doctor during a regular checkup. Nothing fancy, just a routine appointment. He asked how I'd been doing, and instead of brushing it off like I usually do, I told him the truth. I told him about the heaviness, how I felt like I was always moving, always running, but inside there was this dull ache I couldn't shake. How I felt like I hadn't had time to really stop and process my life in years because everything was on me— parenting, surviving, holding it all together. And that's when he said it— dysthymia, persistent depressive disorder, a mild but long-term depression. And suddenly it all made sense. For nearly a decade, I had been carrying this invisible weight, convincing myself it was just life, when in reality it was something deeper. I remember walking out of that office with mixed feelings. On one hand, relief, because finally I had a name for what I was experiencing. I wasn't crazy, I wasn't weak, and I wasn't imagining it. On the other hand, there was fear, because now I had to decide what to do with this truth. How do you keep functioning when you know you're not okay? How do you give yourself permission to heal? When you've been conditioned to just keep pushing. That was the beginning of me learning that survival is not the same as wellness, and that even though dysthymia didn't stop me from living, it was stopping me from truly being alive. What I'm doing now— that diagnosis didn't end my story. It gave me a starting point. From that moment, I had to figure out how to live differently. Not just push through. The first step was to get back into therapy. I needed a space to lay it all out. The exhaustion, the responsibility, the sadness I had normalized for years. Therapy became the place where I could stop pretending I was fine. It gave me language for feelings I didn't even realize I'd been burying. The second step was boundaries. And I'll be honest, Boundaries were hard for me because for so long I had trained myself to say yes when I wanted to say no. I thought love meant self-sacrifice, but what I learned is that love without boundaries turns into resentment. So now I check in with myself before I commit. I ask, do I have the capacity for this? Can I give without draining myself? And if the answer is no, I give myself permission to decline. The third step was rest and reflection. I had to stop running on autopilot. For years, I moved from one responsibility to the next without pausing to process anything. Now I carve out moments to pause, even if it's just 10 minutes in the morning with my journal or a walk in silence at the end of the the day. Those moments remind me that I'm more than my productivity. The fourth step was community. Depression, even in its mildest form, once you isolate it, it whispers that no one will understand, that you're alone in your struggle. But I learned that healing happens in circles, not silos. Whether it's close friends I trust, support groups, or spaces like this podcast community, Community connection keeps me accountable to myself. Are you a therapist, coach, or mental health advocate looking for new ways to serve your community? What if you could bring them research-backed tools to help manage anxiety, improve sleep, and boost focus? As an official Mind Alive ambassador, I can tell you this isn't just about a product. It's about a movement. I've seen the explosive growth of the Triggering the Truth podcast— over 285,000 streams in under 90 days— proof that people are eager for authentic solutions. Imagine what introducing Mind Alive could mean for your audience. Mind Alive is opening the door for more voices to join as ambassadors. If you're ready to align with a trusted brand, and bring powerful wellness tools to your community. Click the link in the show notes to apply. Together, we can change how people access mental health support. And finally, I had to embrace self-compassion. For years, I judged myself for feeling heavy. I told myself, you don't have time to be sad. People are depending on you. But self-compassion taught me that acknowledging my struggle doesn't make me weak. It makes me human. It allows me to treat myself with the same kindness I've always extended to others. So now, I'm not just surviving with dysthymia. I'm actively building a life around it. A life that honors my healing, protects my peace, and reminds me that wellness isn't a destination. It's a daily choice. And every day, I get to choose differently than I did before. Finding your way back and rewiring your life, here are some practical suggestions that will help you get through. One, use discernment. Be mindful of who you allow into your space. Not everyone who smiles at you wants to see you win. Pay attention to energy, both positive and negative. 2. Acknowledge your emotions. Ignoring feelings of sadness, frustration, or fear doesn't make them go away. Give yourself permission to feel, process, and heal. 3. Prioritize rest. Constant motion without reflection leads to burnout. Rest isn't a luxury. It's a necessity for long-term success. Step 1: Take a moment to reflect on your current relationships. Who uplifts you? Who drains you? Write down their names in two separate columns. Step 2: Identify one boundary you can set with someone who drains your energy. It could be limiting how often you engage with them or being clear about what behaviors you you won't tolerate. Step 3: Make a commitment to yourself to prioritize your mental well-being. Write down one self-care action you will take this week, whether it's scheduling time to rest, journaling, or seeking therapy. You know, as we wrap this episode, I want you to really sit with the image of a boat. Imagine rowing as hard as you can, putting in all your energy. All your effort, only to realize there are holes in the bottom. No matter how strong you are, no matter how determined, the water's coming in. That's what imbalance, lack of boundaries, and unacknowledged pain feel like. That's what dysthymia has felt like for me at times. But here's the truth: patching those holes is not about rowing harder. It's about slowing down long enough to repair what's leaking. For me, that's been therapy, boundaries, rest, community, and self-compassion. Those are the tools I use to keep my boat afloat. And I wanna remind you of this: your mental health is not something you can ignore. If you keep rowing without reflection, you'll burn out. But if you take the time to patch the holes by getting help, by saying no when you need to, by finding safe spaces to share your truth, you'll find yourself not just surviving the journey but steering it with clarity. Autumn is the season of transition, of letting go, of preparing for new beginnings. Let this season be your reminder to examine your boat, find the leaks, and commit to patching them. Because protecting your peace isn't selfish, It's a clear indication that you're striving for more than survival. And as always, if something we talked about today resonated with you, call or text our hotline at 715-702-8845. You'll remain anonymous, but your story could be the lifeline someone else needs to hear. No matter what life throws at you, remember this: you are stronger than the challenges you face. Protect your energy, prioritize your peace, and never stop moving toward your dreams. Thank you for tuning in to The Trigger and the Truth. If today's episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need to hear it. Until next time, take care of your mental health, protect your boat, and keep moving forward.

Thank you so much for spending time with me today. On "The Trigger and the Truth." Remember, it's all about uncovering those triggers, finding the truth, and building stronger, healthier relationships for ourselves and with the people around us. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love it if you'd like, share, and send it to someone who might benefit. Together, we're making mental health and wellness a priority. And always remember, never let your emotions supersede your intelligence. Take care of yourself, be kind to your mind, and until next time, let's keep uncovering truths, one heartfelt conversation at a time.