In this video, Tony Stark Policci marks day 14 of his 90‑day personal‑development stretch and examines a long‑standing pattern of chronic irritation and anger. He explains that, over decades, his brain has been trained to default to judgment and rage, a state he once mistook for his personality. Citing neuroscientist Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, he describes emotions as brain predictions driven by past experiences and likens the brain to a budgeting system that cuts corners when its energy budget is depleted (e.g., due to poor sleep, stress, or excessive social‑media scrolling). Policci shares how he is actively rewiring this pattern by catching himself before reacting, pausing, and deliberately choosing a different response. He illustrates the shift with a recent traffic incident where, instead of anger, he laughed at the driver’s reckless turn. He frames these small, intentional choices as new predictions that can rewrite his emotional habits. Finally, he invites viewers on similar stretches to reflect on their own patterns, leave comments, and join him in “building a better brain.”
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All right, well, it's day 14 of my 90-day stretch, and I want to talk about something that I'm really sitting with today. And it is the fact that I trained my brain over decades to constantly scan for what was wrong. And I'm not talking about situational stuff, right? We're supposed to do that, keep our eyes open as men. I'm talking about a baseline setting that defaults to irritation, judgment, and sometimes full-blown anger. I was in a relationship for many years where every day there was chaos. There was always something horrible to deal with. And the wild thing is I started to think that that was just me, that the way that I felt was just my personality. But it's not, according to this neuroscientist named Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett. She says what we feel, like anger, isn't something that happens to us. It's something that our brain predicts based on our past experiences. Like, ah, that made sense. I was listening to our Diary of a CEO podcast and heard her on this this morning. And she says that our brain is like a budgeting system. It's constantly managing energy. And so when your budget is tight because of poor sleep or stress, or even scrolling social media too much, then the brain starts cutting corners. And that's when we're more likely to lash out or shut down or spin in the same old emotional patterns. I mean, this is really interesting stuff. So if you've been angry for a while or feeling something for a while, it might not be about what's happening around you. It might just be that your body's budget is blown, your brain's budget is blown. Now, for me, the stretch that I'm on is about building new ways of being, creating new inputs, not just journaling or reflecting. And yeah, I'm doing that, but really practicing different choices. I'm trying to change. So I'm catching myself when I spiral, I'm walking before I react. I'm choosing to pause even if I'm late, even if I'm frustrated, because every time I do, I'm apparently showing my brain a new way to respond. Example, Saturday, I got cut off in traffic just leaving my neighborhood. You know, a guy took a left right in front of me as I'm making a right-hand turn. I mean, he comes from the other lane and cuts in front of me. Old me, get upset, maybe even rage mode. Might surprise you, but I might even chase the guy down and ask him what the hell his problem is. Well, today, Saturday, I actually laughed out loud and I said, "Damn, he must be in a bigger hurry than I am." And I just laughed at the ridiculousness of the turn the guy made. But really, that's behaving like the guy that I'm becoming. So yeah, I'm still a work in progress. I still react. I still catch myself. I'm seeing what's wrong, but now I know I'm not stuck. I'm just running an old prediction or an old pattern. And with every new choice I make, apparently I'm writing a new one. So here's the thing. If you're doing your own stretch or you're just tired of feeling stuck, then think about what I've said. I'd love to hear what you're noticing. Drop a comment or message me. Let's, you know, build a better brain together. And I'll put a link to that interview underneath this. Thanks so much.
