Tony Stark Policci reflects on smoking cigars like cigarettes, which makes him sick, and traces it to avoiding uncomfortable emotions. He resolves to control his thoughts and make better choices, calling the day successful because he owned his behavior, confessed it, and changed.
Diary, day 15 of 99. Started the morning this morning reflecting on how I felt and what I've been thinking about and the events of yesterday. You know, I know that it's not a good idea for me to smoke cigars because I don't smoke cigars like normal people smoke cigars. I inhale them like you would a cigarette. And it makes me feel sick and horrible and pollutes my lungs and my brain and gives me a hangover the next day. And it's just stupid shit. So, you know, I examined my behavior yesterday and was like, what is going on? You know, why am I looking for something to use? To escape the way that I feel. And, you know, obviously the reason that I wanted to escape the way that I felt yesterday was as if I didn't like the way I was feeling. I didn't like what was going on. I don't like the circumstances in my life that I don't have any control over. And I'm being impatient and unwilling to trust God with the results. So, um, it's another lesson learned, like I haven't learned it 100 other times or 1,000 other times, I don't know. My charge is to take control of my thought life, be vigilant about things that I allow in and the ideas that I entertain, and to make good choices going forward. It's a frickin' bitch sometimes. I don't like— there's a part of me that just wants to be a bad boy all the time, and I wrestle with that. So what the hell does that mean? I don't know. The video's about to get really boring, but I'm making this for me, not for anybody else, so— Today was a successful day because I examined my behavior, I owned my behavior, I confessed my behavior, I made a decision to do something different. I, with intentionality, did that today. Um, took charge of my thoughts, my actions, took care of my sons, put first things first, and I'm going to go to sleep tonight successful with the past in the past and just hoping and praying that I did not create any long-term detrimental consequences to myself by my choices yesterday.
So, that's it.
I know I'm a weirdo. One of my great goals when I started in marketing and copywriting was that I would not wind up being a wacko like some of my mentors. And I was just so sure that that wasn't going to happen to me, but apparently all of us have some dysfunction going on, and it's just one of those things. So la-dee-da. Peace out, diary.
The FREE AI business Jumpstart Summit runs July 14th through the 22nd. Virtual and on demand.
Day 73: Father’s Day Reflections: Legacy, Presence, and the Power of Slowing Down
