Tony Stark Policci wakes up on Day 39 unable to smile, stressed about unfinished work, and torn between enjoying his weekend and dreading the week ahead. Skipping his usual routine of exercise, sunlight, and supplements left him pushing through tasks without joy. He works through self-talk and planning, then shifts to gratitude as a way to reset.
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Okay, so today is day 39, and I'm gonna be real honest. I guess I'm always real honest with you guys. This was a hell of a day for me. It— I struggled with my mindset the whole day, the whole day. So, first of all, didn't sleep well and woke up with just like something seemed off. It just seemed off, right? And I'm smiling now, but I tell you what, it was difficult to smile through the day. And here's what I think. I don't know what the problem is. I don't know what I was dreaming about last night. I don't know why I couldn't sleep, but I woke up with a tremendous amount of stress. And the stress came from what I was thinking about. The tasks and obligations and mountains that I have. But also, you know, the weekend— well, I had some really great experiences this weekend. I did not get to do the things that I I guess felt that I wanted to do. Now, it's really curious when I start thinking about these things, start unpacking these things, you know, do I do what I want to do, or do I do what I feel obligated to do? And, you know, sometimes, like, if, if we just did— I mean, I had this judgment, if I just did everything I wanted to do then important things wouldn't get done, right? I don't know, I can get all in my head about that stuff and just go, you know, insane over it. And like right now, I really want to stop this video because I feel like I'm rambling and I don't want you to see me rambling or to perceive me as like not always being clear and knowing exactly what I'm doing, but this is just how I've been today. I've been scattered. I've struggled with my mindset. I've struggled with feeling sad and depressed, and shifting out of it didn't work, and I pushed through the day anyway. There was so much on my plate that I did not work out. I did not go to the gym. I did not get out in the sun in the morning. It was overcast. I, you know, like I said already, I didn't sleep very well. So it was just a battle of the mind. Looking back on what else did I do differently this morning? I didn't take any of the nutritional stuff that I've been taking, right? Most mornings I've been taking like ashwagandha, moringa, cracked cell chlorella, lion's mane, There's one other one I can't seem to remember right now. Um, spirulina. I didn't take those things. I had like— my brain was filled with all the tasks that didn't get completed over the weekend, and so let me circle back to that because I kind of danced around it, but in the other two videos I talked about going and spending Saturday with friends, great friends, friends that I love very much, people who I actually love being around. And then Sunday, it was Mother's Day and went and spent time with my wife and my two daughters and then came and I couldn't spend the entire day with the agenda that they had set up, but they knew that and I knew that and we were all cool with that. And then I went and spent time with a friend, like probably my best friend on the planet. Like 35 years this guy and I have been friends, seen each other through those difficult times. And you know, I was double-minded about the whole thing. Like, while I'm— instead of being present, instead of being in the moment, I'm thinking about what else I need to get done. Terrible. Like, that's an absolute terrible way to approach any situation, right? And I know better. I know the importance of being present and being in the moment. And so, you, you know, I guess coming into this the way that I felt this morning, it wasn't an accident, you know. It's like the mindset, the slips that I had over the last couple days, and they were insidious, I didn't really pay much attention to them, or how can I— that's not entirely— that's not true. Like, I was aware of them because I talked about them in my videos. What I wasn't at was I wasn't at a place of acceptance, right? For example, my good friend, I love spending time with him. And I set this intention because I had so much to do Sunday that we were going to get together for 2 hours. And that turned into 5, you know, and sometimes it turns into 7 because we get together and we hang out, we just talk. And we talk and we talk and we talk and we talk about important things and, you know, I enjoy my time with him and at the same time I'm aware of these other urgent things that are calling for my attention and time. And so I'm divided. I feel divided about it and I'm quite sure that all that led into how I felt this morning. So, and most of the day today. So, what worked for me today was giving myself room to just be in the state that I was in. Like, I did all of the things that I normally do from the standpoint of talking. Talking to myself, you know, declaring who I am, my purpose, going after my tasks, but it was still a— just, I was going through the motions, I guess. I mean, I'm forcing myself to do the things that are on my to-do list. And there wasn't joy, there wasn't gratitude, it just felt like drudgery. So tonight, you know, I am— I don't know what the lesson is going to be. For tomorrow. Hopefully I'll wake up with a new perspective, and tonight I'm going to take care of myself, go to bed early. I have another busy day. In fact, this whole week there's very crucial, time-critical, time-sensitive things going on, and to be quite honest, looking at this realistically, I have way more things to get done than I can get done unless I don't sleep at all, and I'm not willing to do that at this point. So I'm not sure how to manage that, but I do know that thinking about it, coming up with a plan, coming up with some kind of a strategy, even if in the end it doesn't work out, is going to help me feel stronger, more prepared, more powerful. And it's just a mindset thing. Today my mindset was almost immovable, right? Obviously I'm sitting here and I'm not in despair, but it was a difficult day. So But it's just a day. It's just a day, and some days are like that. I also have the, you know, the gift of perspective. And while this has been a difficult day for me mindset-wise, I mean, I'm so blessed. I'm so blessed, right? I have so many wonderful things going on in my life. And, you know, I should actually bring that up because that was one of the things that was helpful today, and I forgot about that, was just thinking about what I'm grateful for. And I guess some days maybe that's the best we can do, is to just— and I say just as a modifier, but it's not a just as if it's, you know, something minor. Really focusing on what I'm grateful for is something that is inspiring and encouraging and continues, can continue to push me forward when I'm not feeling great. So, maybe there's something in there for you. If not, well, thanks for sticking with me while I rambled through this video, and I'll talk to you next time. Thanks.
