1. Fixed Mindset or Growth Mindset - Which Do YOU Have?

My wife says this intro sounds like a conspiracy mystery, so I'm gonna cut the crap and tell you this show is for you if you felt like your life needs more direction, or you're just not having fun, or if you're a high performer like me and you love new perspectives and you always want to seek the next level. This is where we create your vision, break through your barriers, and find your magic. It is It's time for you to direct your life. Welcome to the show. Thank you for being here. This is the very first episode. I am excited. And I have a question for you. If you could direct your life every single day, would you do it? And I hope that you're here because you want to seek that answer for the rest of your life, because it's an ongoing journey. And I wanted to share really in this first episode what this show is about. It's going to be not only focusing on how you can direct your life, but specifically how you can create your vision and break through the barriers that come with that vision and how you can find the magic. So every day you're, you're living a little more enthusiastically and you're feeling ready to go after what you want in your life. If that sounds good with you, then stick around because in this episode, The primary focus for this first episode is mindset. It is so important to have the right mindset. And I know you know this, but it's not talked about enough amongst ourselves, our inner dialogue, and socially. The key, the true key that I've learned is that you have to speak about this, focus on it, obsess on this frequently so you can stay in the right mindset because it's so easy to backtrack. Now, here's a disclaimer. I don't know it all. So if you're looking for it all, that's not me. What I'm here for is to share the experiences, the things that have empowered me, and some of the tools and the research that I dig up. So perhaps you can take what you like, leave what you don't, customize, adjust, so then it can help your journey. And a lot of the things I'm mentioning have helped me so much and has Changed my whole life. Oh, I should probably mention who I am. I'm Tony Suriano, and for the last 20 years, I've worked hard to create a life that keeps getting better. But it didn't start out that way. I grew up as a shy kid with low self-esteem, bouncing between seedy warehouses, couch surfing, and even secretly living in an office above a liquor store with no hot water and no shower. I rigged the shower myself, and I had to secretly go in and out before the other Occupants could know what's going on in there. And I just didn't believe I deserved more. But that changed when I began diving deep into psychology, sociology, mindset, and therapy. Over the last decade, I've transformed my life. I've built the confidence to become a professional actor and magician, teach and speak publicly, and design a life where I get paid to pursue what I love. Now I spend 1 to 2 hours a day studying my passions, waking up without an alarm, and I live with flexibility and joy that I used to think was out of reach. It's kind of like the hero's journey where you start out with one character, maybe he's fearful of something, and then he goes all the way around and now he just feels strong. He goes around the whole circle and that's called the hero's journey. And I feel like that's what each of our lives are. It is the testament to ourselves to direct our lives every day. And when we get off track again, we get back on. Now, I wanted to quickly share a quote and then a story and then a couple points on how you can cultivate the right mindset. What if I just shifted into an English accent? Cockney accent. Okay, I digress. First episode shitters coming out. So here's the quote, and it is a brilliant quote. You may have heard it before. I like to think about it often, and here it is: Change the way you see things, and the things you see change. What do I really mean by that? It means if you get a flat tire, are you gonna complain about it and say, "Oh, why me? I'm so unlucky." Or are you gonna say, oh, that kind of sucks, but you know what? Maybe it's destiny. Maybe I'm not supposed to drive and get hit by a car, and that's why I got the flat. Or maybe you're gonna go around the corner and meet the love of your life. You don't know these things. And this isn't about just making up la-da-dee-da positive stuff. It's just about being open to the growth from the failure or the problem at hand. For instance, the flat tire. Now, I want to share this story with you. And when I share this, think of yourselves. Think of how you've been in a situation where you thrived, or maybe you wanted to, but you didn't because you had one of the two mindsets. And in Carol Dweck's book, Mindset, The 2 mindsets are qualified or categorized as fixed mindset and growth mindset. Now, I bet you know which one is preferable. So which one do you have? Or which one do you lean towards? Do you have a fixed mindset where you just don't believe you can do something because you'll fail, so you're not even going to try? You want to look smart. You want to not make mistakes. You want to look perfect in the current present moment. That's fixed mindset. Or are you in the growth mindset where you're like, all right, this thing's hard. I want to try it. I'm excited to fail so I can adjust, I can learn, and I can grow. Because when you're in the growth mindset, you are a happier person. Do some research. Prove me wrong on this. I want you to get obsessed and learn all about mindset. If you're new to this concept or if you know about it, but you just don't practice positive mindset enough, you don't have the growth mindset enough, it's time for you to get obsessed and research. Okay. I have a short story that will really exemplify the power of growth mindset. And it's a story I'm proud to tell and hopefully it encourages you. So think of yourself when you hear this story and how it can apply to your growth mindset. What you may or may not know about me, I'm a film director and actor. Primarily, I was a director for most of my adult life. That was my career, still is. But then in 2017, I was pushing more for acting as well. And in 2017, my dad, also a working actor, he got a call and he booked a one-day shoot on an awesome film called The Irishman. With the famous director Martin Scorsese, one of my favorites. I was so excited. He told me and I asked him things about it. Oh, let me see the script. Oh, this sounds so cool. And then the first thing that went to my mind was, oh my gosh, I want to get on this set. My favorite director. Oh my God, I could learn so much. So I asked my dad, I said, hey dad, can I support you and go be on the set and, you know, That'd be amazing. I would love to do that. My dad, an Italian overthinker sometimes— I love you, Dad, if you're watching, but sometimes you're an overthinker— he turns to me and goes, Tone, you know, I haven't worked with these guys in 15 years and it's only a 1-day shoot. I can't ask these things. You know, I just can't. So knowing my dad up at this point, I didn't even ask again. I just said, okay, I'm not going to let that fixed limited mindset Make me have the limited mindset. Because right there, I could have just said, oh well, I guess I'm not going to set. I have other travel plans. I guess I'll just do that and watch my, my dreams fade away. No, that's not the mindset I had. I actually had to make some major decisions in the next couple weeks because this shoot was coming up. And the decision I had to make was Do I cancel my trip to the Philippines? It's my third trip back because I was falling in love with my wife, Karen, and I had to decide. I need to go back and ask her to marry me and bring her to the US because I lived there for 6 months, got to know her, and I had a couple back and forths. And I decided, even though it kind of broke her heart that I had to change the trip a little, I need to fly to New York where they're filming this, and I need to figure out how I'm going to get on set. Now that's what I wanted. I could have shifted into the fixed mindset like I mentioned before, but how I got out of it, and this is a tool, this is a tool that you can use if you slip into the fixed mindset, and it is literally called a mastermind group of positive friends that support you or family members or both. And in this case, it was both. So I called my team. It was Chad. It was Shane, it was Cyrus, it was my sister Marina, and we all met at this little pizza place. I bought pizza and I said, guys, I have a problem. This is what happened. I'm thinking of spending money I don't have because it's gonna cost a lot to change the trip. I need to go to New York. I need to find the casting director. I need to bring my headshot. I need to figure all this out. You know, I want to do this, but am I crazy? So luckily they supported me. They said, you got to go. You gotta do this. And in particular, Chad, later that night, he met up with me and we went to print my headshot 'cause that was my only plan at the time. Let's just go find the casting director in New York, tell him my dad's in the movie and I just wanted to say hello and I appreciate your work. By the way, I didn't find that casting director, Ellen Lewis. She is awesome, but I didn't find her that day. So what happened? Chad and I, after I bought that or changed my my plane ticket, Chad and I sat outside of Kinko's with my headshot. It was getting to be eleven at night, a couple days from the flight, and he said, "Well, he turned to me. He didn't say it. He yelled it. He said, 'You're going to be in this movie. You're going to be in this movie.' He said that three to four times, and it was so loud that it went inside my chest." And I got goosebumps. I didn't know how to respond. I'm just looking at him, nodding my head like an idiot, but I let it impact me and I let it help the growth mindset I already was developing. So I flew to New York and my dad was already in New Jersey staying with our grandmother, waiting for his shoot day. So what did I do? I went around looking for the casting director, couldn't find her. Day 2 came. I was running out of money really quick. I was like, I can't stay a 3rd day. Okay, what am I gonna do? So I have the assistant to one of the actors. You'll find out a little later how I have that phone number, but he became a friend of mine. And I called him. I said, hey, are you gonna be on the movie set? What's going on? Uh, my dad got the role, but I don't know how I can get on set. I'm in New York. I don't know what I'm doing. And his name's Gary. Awesome dude. He changed the trajectory of my life. He supported me. He always has. And he said, let me call and let me just ask a couple things. You know, maybe I can get you on set. I was like, oh my God, this is amazing. So then I immediately hung up. I called my dad because I needed a place to stay. He's staying at my grandma's. I said, hey, Dad, I canceled my trip to the Philippines because I wanted to see grandma. Um, I haven't seen her in a long time. I'm in New York. He's like, what? You're in New York? What's going on? I thought you had to go to Philippines. So I go over there, I say hi to my grandma, I walk in and my dad's holding the phone in his hand. He goes, hey, did you talk to any of the people in the movie set? 'Cause they just gave me a text and said Antonio, that's my real name, Antonio can go on set, no problem. Flabbergasted. I was so excited. So the next day, I showed up on set with my dad, and I went in his little trailer, and it was hilarious because he hadn't acted for quite some years. And he told me, he said, "Hey, Tone, listen, you know if you're watching on set, don't don't cross my eyeline." And I could not stop like giggling inside. I was like, "Dad, don't worry. I'm gonna be a fly on the wall. This is my." Dream to just watch and observe the greats work. And the greats my dad gets to work with in this scene was Joe Pesci and Robert De Niro, the great actors of our time. So what happened next? We're on set. I'm watching, arms crossed with this big smile on my face, about 50 feet away from Joe Pesci, Robert De Niro, and Martin Scorsese. And they're talking to each other and I'm just envisioning— As a director myself, I'm envisioning how this scene could be. And I'm thinking, how did I get here? This is amazing. What if I just gave up? What if I just said, ah, I don't know who to call. My dad can't help me. Yeah, I better just go to the Philippines. All right. What if I did that? I didn't. I had the growth mindset and I said, I don't care if I go to New York, get embarrassed and never find the casting director, get embarrassed, waste my money, have to tell people I spent this money. Have to tell people like, I just didn't ask my dad 'cause I didn't have enough boldness to ask him. 'Cause maybe that was part of the truth. I just didn't wanna, I didn't wanna seem like needy. So I got my group together. I went to New York. I'm on set. What happened next? By the way, this is, no, I'm gonna save it for the end 'cause this is the truth and it's very interesting. It's gonna help bring this whole mindset game together for you, okay? So I'm looking at Joe, and Joe knows my name. He's he knows my dad, and he goes he he first before he looks at me, he turns to Scorsese and he whispers in his ear a little something, and then he goes back and they're I can't I can't hear them like they're saying something, and then Joe gives like Scorsese a hug and is like happy, and I was just wondering what's going on. Joe turns to me as Scorsese walks away and he says, hey, Tony, come here. So I walk over there with a grin. I'm like, hey, Joe, what's going on? And he says, listen, you're going to be in this scene. And I look at him like, oh, okay. Yes, I could do that. He said, no, there's a character, the Wild Son, and he wasn't going to be in here, but you can be it. You're going to be Having no lines, but you're in the scene. Okay? And I looked at him. I said, "Yeah, I'm I'm ready. I could that sounds amazing. Oh my gosh! Thank you. This is cool. Wow." He's like, "Yeah, I'll introduce you to Marty." And then he says, "Hey, you need to be in the scene, so don't fuck this up, or I'll smack you in the head." And I was like, "Okay, I won't." He's like, "I'm serious." And when Joe is serious, he's serious. Now I meet Martin Scorsese. It was really fun. He looks at me, says, I like your hair. Oh my gosh, I like your look. This is great. Can you be a wild son? And I'm like, yeah, I mean, wild's my middle name. And he's like, but not too wild, right? So anyway, I go into hair and makeup. I get a tattoo on my arm. I go into De Niro's trailer because he's part of the production too and producing, and he asks if I can cut my sideburns shorter. And so they get me all dressed up, my hair cut. I get on set. I'm taking up all this time on this huge movie just 'cause they added me. I'm so excited. And I get on set and De Niro goes, can we get your sideburns even shorter? 'Cause in the '70s it was like this. And the standby makeup artist was right there. He grabs the razor and he actually buzzes my sideburns a little higher. My little, my sideburns, my sideburns a little higher. Just thinking about it, it's just hilarious. De Niro gave me a haircut on set. I did the scene. I even got a line serendipitously. I got a line and it stayed in the movie. And the funny part is I'm in my dad's eyeline 'cause I'm acting with him in the scene. So I not only am acting with him in the scene, he smacks me in the head at the end. It's minute 40 of The Irishman if you ever wanna see it. And Joe is talking bad about me. I don't wanna look at Joe. I don't like him. And the rest is history. Now, here's the reason I share this story. Well, first off, the irony is that even when things seem you should be handed, things should be handed to you because of certain people you know, like Joe Pesci is my godfather. That's the truth. And that's what makes it so strange, right? Because you'd think, well, Joe Pesci is his godfather. Why couldn't he just Call him. Why couldn't we just get on set? It doesn't always work that way. And there's something about this mindset that helped me get there. And it wasn't my dad's fault that he didn't just say, oh, I'll bring you to set. That's just, you know, he does know the business and there's certain things he didn't feel comfortable asking. So again, the reason I'm telling you this, because there's some things in your life that you think you should be handed to. And you don't want to do the work. You don't want to feel embarrassed. You don't want to not look smart in this situation. You don't want to look like you don't know what you're doing. But that's a fixed mindset. That is going to ruin you, ruin your chances of success, of getting what you want, directing your life. And for me to be in this film, I get chills thinking about it. That was such a big moment in my life. Where I applied the growth mindset and I applied all these things I learned about just not giving up, trying to have a good enthusiastic attitude whilst going for what you want in your life because you only have one. And it served me. And that type of mindset can serve you. And some of the tools in this episode I want you to think about using— no, no, I don't want you to think about it. I want you to do it because this can be the game changer for you. The first tool is you have to obsess more. So if you're hearing this story and you're thinking, oh, mindset, yeah, yeah, 80% mindset, 20% skill, I've heard it before. If that's your mindset, that's kind of a fixed mindset. That's the funny thing. It's a fixed mindset about the mindset that can help you. So I want you to get obsessed and prove me wrong that it doesn't work, having a growth mindset. That will make you happier, more successful, and just have more magic inside you exuding so the people around you, they can say, hey, you know, that person, it's a pleasure to be around that person. 'Cause that's what I want. I hit myself with a growth mindset when I'm not a pleasure to be around because that means I'm just fixed and stuck and it's not good for me, it's not good for you or anyone either of us are hanging around with. So I want you to think about getting obsessed, going deep, researching, reading all about mindset, and then take it the step forward that most people don't. Don't just be a maven where you're sucking up good information, but not sharing it, not learning from it, not applying it. Be a sage, and a sage to yourself where you're gonna implement what you're learning. And try it. The next time something goes wrong, catch yourself and say, how can I reframe this? Verbally, say it out loud. I want you to be more open about your verbal tones to yourself. Can you ask yourself the question right now? Do you have more of a fixed mindset, more of a growth mindset? I'm sure that you're here, you probably have more of that growth mindset, but are you having it enough? That's the question. You need to obsess. You need to implement. And I find the best way is to be aware. It's the first gateway to these consistent growth mindsets we must have to have a better life and to grow and to feel good and happy and then contribute, contribute, and just feel good in your life and direct your own life. So just to recap everything, fixed mindset, people don't want to be embarrassed. They don't want to kill their ego. They just want to say, I'm good here. I'm fine. And they don't get what they want in their life. Growth mindset, they're okay. They're lifelong learners. They are okay being embarrassed if they're trying something new for the first time. They're not worrying about starting small. If I had a fixed mindset, I would not be sharing right now. I wouldn't be talking to the camera. I wouldn't start this show because this is me starting small. This is something completely new for me. I've done a podcast before, but it was interview-based and it was just very different. It was all film industry. And this is something that's very important to me, the growth aspect of life and helping others as well as myself at the same time, just stay on that right track so I feel better. And I can just really be a better me. And that's what I want for all of us, to be a better us, if that makes sense. I hope it does. And I wanted to close this first episode in a way that hopefully resonates with you. And it's just a couple questions. What's your metaphor for life? Let's start with that. What is your metaphor for life? Often I say life is magic. I say life is magic. When someone asks me, how's life? How are things? What's going on? I say life is magic. And when I say life is magic, it triggers my brain to see the cool stuff, the colors, the clouds, you know, the different people. And here's another one. How do you see people? I used to see people with a fixed mindset. I used to see people negatively because I was jealous and I really wanted to be further in my career and I see they are, or in love. I used to be this loner and I didn't have girlfriends or relationships. I only had a couple friends, thankfully. And I used to see couples and I saw them happy and filled with joy, and I was like, they're just fake, they don't even know what love is. I was just one of those silly, silly-minded fools back then, and it didn't serve me. And now I see people as generally good. People are generally wanting to connect and feel alive and Go after the things that are important to them. So what's your metaphor for life? What's your metaphor for people? And are you going to be sure that the rest of this week you focus, you journal on having a growth mindset? Can you do that for yourself? Because this is how you begin to direct your own life. This is how you start your next journey. And if you're feeling a little low right now, this is the time to double down and figure out how you can just reframe that. So I hope this served you. I hope this was fun. This is my first one. I hope you bear with me because I'm just trying to find the right flow for these episodes and, um, and still have fun because life should be fun. And I did have fun. I hope you did too. That's it. Time to direct your own life, so get out there and do it. Hey again, it's me, Tony. I hope you enjoyed the free show and I hope it served you. And if it did, please do me a little favor and give it a review, a like, and most importantly, share it with that someone that needs to hear the message today, because being the director of your own life involves contribution. So Give it back and help others create their vision, break through their barriers, and find their magic too. And lastly, don't forget to check out my free weekly newsletter at tonyssuriano.com. That's S-U-R-I-A-N-O. This is where I share exclusive tips, behind-the-scenes insights, and the kind of content I don't post anywhere else. If you're serious about leveling up and staying inspired, connecting with me That's the place to be. Thank you once again. Now get out there and direct your life, or I'mma get ya.