59. Sergeant Major Steve Balczo — Lead From the Bottom, Find Your Coordinates & Earn the Next Rank

Who wants to be stovepiped to where I am stuck here for the next 15 years?

Mm-hmm.

There needs to be hope that I can achieve and grow towards something. And I think that's, that's common to mankind, that I want a ladder to grow. I want to achieve more. Mediocrity gets you mediocre results. So by achieving, by excelling— I did my master's at Wow. Age isn't a limiter, right? When you look at life and say, what am I going to create today? What am I going to tackle today? If there's nothing I'm tackling or challenging myself with, it can get pretty boring. But I'm also establishing a mindset in my children or my people. I'm transparent with them in a sense, Tony, that I don't know it all, but I'll get back to you. Because I'm gonna research this. Having the mindset of a, of a Sergeant Major from the Marine Corps, we often look at that leadership in business as being this—

My wife says this intro sounds like a conspiracy mystery, so I'll stop that voice and I'll just tell you. This show is here to give you some cinematic fuel, tools, and excitement so you can stop drifting and start directing your life better than any movie. Welcome to the Direct Your Life Podcast. I'm Tony Suriano. I'm here with Steve Belzo. He is the Executive Director of Veterans Service, Marine Corps, 29-year career, and he's a speaker who's been on segments on the news, radio, serving people, specifically veterans, and, uh, all-around cool guy. So welcome to the show, Steve.

Tony, thanks for having me.

Yeah. So, this is a quick interjection. We had ice cream with your wife, my wife, and the baby a couple weeks ago.

We did.

And we talked. And we had a great little thing going on. You had humor. You had confidence and presence.

Okay.

So, those are the things I instantly admired about you specifically on that day. And that's one of the reasons I was like, I want you on the show. Directing your life is about that. Like being present, being direct, and having humor.

Right.

So I want to find out how you cultivated that, maybe throughout this interview.

Yeah.

And, and we'll get to know you a little bit as well. Viewers and listeners, stick around because we're getting into how to become more resilient and confident and present. So stay for the rest. Rapid-fire fun questions. Comedy or action?

That is combined.

Love it. Beach or mountains?

Mountains.

Favorite film that you would watch more than once?

Last of the Mohicans.

Red or black?

Black.

Morning or night?

Morning.

Book or podcast?

Hardcover book of your podcast.

What's one thing you're terrible at?

Knowing what I'm terrible at, I guess.

I don't know. All right, I wanted to put you on the spot. It's okay, we'll find out through this episode.

Okay.

Last one. Who would play you in a movie?

It's probably either— it's between Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. I don't know which way to go with that one.

That's a good one. Twins is one of my favorite movies. It fits, right?

This is somewhere in the middle.

This podcast is brought to you by Twins. Let's just jump actually into leadership. You have a lot of experience. What does it mean to you, leadership?

Leadership is such a unique dynamic. It's not management. People often fold the two together. I'm going to make him a manager. Because I think he can lead the people. But we manage programs, but we lead people. And for leadership, leadership is a sacrificial role in that you are not only out front and doing everything that you expect your people to do, but it's also assisting your people maturing up. So you're bringing them up so that eventually they're able to take your place. So work yourself out of a job. Is leading people, leading them into the confidence of their roles if they're multifaceted. So, it really depends on, I think, the company or the style of organization in which you work for and how you're impacting your people.

Leading people so they work you out of your job. That's a really powerful sentence. So, you don't want to hold back. You don't want to live in like, oh, I won't lead them too much because I don't want to be out of my job. You want them to excel.

That's— I want them to excel. I want them to exceed me. I want you to replace me. There's jobs every day. Someone else will find me. But the fact is, organically, then you're taking a whole organization of people and you're increasing their ability as well as the output that affects a margin of an organization or a capability of an organization. Therefore, what happens is in either the market space or the military, good work gets rewarded. With more good work. So, it's— we're meant to be active and working, and everybody wants a good name.

Mm-hmm.

When something happens, whose name is being asked for? That's the one who has the wisdom and the ability. So, as I'm leading people, I want them to acknowledge their shortfall, but also want to now portray how that looks in an effective manner so that they're able to copy, manipulate, and then move it forward themselves with their own personality.

So you're leading through abundance because, you know, if they excel and they replace your job, there's always going to be another—

Absolutely.

Another thing out there, right? It's great. So you mentioned John Maxwell when you got here, and I just remembered the first law of leadership, the law of the lid. And it's so cool. It's like if you're leading at a 7, you're going to attract 5s, 6s, and 7s, but you're not going to attract 8, 9, 10. You have to jump up to attract. And that was just half of a tangent there. But what do you think about that? And how can you start raising your leadership?

Yeah. So one, when does a servant ever exceed the master? Right? So if I'm a 7, my people are never going to exceed me if I'm the one leading them, because I can only lead them up to the level in which I've currently achieved or become. So in that essence, I also want to then study people who have done effective in the role or a self-analysis. What are my shortcomings? What am I failing at doing? Is it in the transparency with my people? Integrity? It's also doing the hard job. Sometimes your people are expecting you to make the hard decisions when there is a list of Not necessarily dos and don'ts, but there's an expectation. Our personnel will dress a certain way. Our personnel will have a certain decorum about them, a certain presence about them. And if that's not there, they're expecting the one up front, the leader, to bring that individual up. And when that doesn't happen, chaos starts to reign because nobody's holding anybody accountable. But the vast majority are waiting for the leadership to hold them accountable.

So there's no growth, so people would riot eventually in a way, because humans, they need that growth, they need to level up. So you want a ladder? Yeah.

Who wants to be stovepiped to where I am stuck here for the next 15 years? There needs to be hope that I can achieve and grow towards something. And I think that's, that's common to mankind, that I want a ladder to grow, I want to achieve more. I think it's very sad in a sense when parents are limiting their children to not achieve beyond what the parents have provided in life. I think it's our role as parents to ensure our children exceed the very ceiling of our life. And it's the same way in leadership with personnel in the, in the office space.

Tangent to fatherhood.

Tangent to fatherhood.

I just became a father.

That's right.

You said, yeah, the being a parent, you're leading no matter what. The child's always watching, whatever age. And I was listening to a show once and he said he stopped a good friend because the good friend was saying, like, I'm doing good, I'm becoming a good parent and everything. And his friend— the friend said, I have to stop you there. You're not really being a good parent. And it caused a little ruckus. What do you mean? And he said, you're not going after your dreams or the things that really light you up. What kind of example is that? Right. So, right, can you expand on that?

Yeah, you're teaching your child to settle for mediocre. Yeah, right. And mediocrity gets you mediocre results. So by achieving, by excelling— I did my master's at 55 years old.

Wow.

Age isn't a limiter, right? When you look at life and say, what am I going to create today? What am I going to tackle today? If there's nothing I'm tackling or challenging myself with, it can get pretty boring. But I'm also establishing a mindset in my children or my people. I'm transparent with them in a sense, Tony, that I don't know it all, but I'll get back to you because I'm going to research this.

Yeah.

And now I bring that knowledge back and say, this is how this fits. in this puzzle. Here's the pros and cons, but this potentially what it can do or do against us as a unit for the things that they're looking for.

Hmm. Did the military help you become that mindset, or was it something early on through living in your teenage years or some early 20s, something external happened or internal?

I think really it's my experience growing in the military. When in the Marine Corps, you're promoted as you become in practice the next grade. So the Marine Corps doesn't promote you or they say, well, you should now be a corporal, and then they make you a corporal and you have no idea what a corporal does.

Hmm.

But the rank below, you're already showing and demonstrating the skill set of the next level. So as a young recruit in recruit training, they made a very distinct statement to us that has stuck with me even to this day. And the statement was, it is here in recruit training that you get one chance in life that most don't get, where we don't care who your father, mother, or family history is. You all have shaved heads and you all wear the same uniform. And it is now up to you to show what you can do to then create a new trajectory in life. And if you invest in the Marine Corps, The Marine Corps will invest in you. And that stuck with me, Tony. And I saw these 2 elders, Marines, walking across— we call it a parade field where we march— and they both happen to be Sergeants Major. They wear a star, but they had stripes from here to here with their rank and their years of service. And I was like, I'm going to be that one day. And it stuck with me. And sure enough, I did. But yet it's Planting those seeds in youth to where you have the ability to dream. But what the Marine Corps does is, because you have to show those skill sets before you move up, is that you have to start investigating what does the next rank do? Who am I going to emulate? When there are issues, are they going to call my name? Do I know the most of this section?

Right.

So there's, there's all these Presence and bearing in the way you maintain yourself. In the Marine Corps, I don't maintain Balzo. I don't maintain my name. I maintain U.S. Marine. And the family name is Marine, not Balzo. So I have to transition into Marine. And what are our ethos? Right. What are our codes of conduct and how do we operate? What are our leadership skills? Right. Our leadership traits. And so all of that molds us. It's who we are. But yet the challenges come with bigger and more astute organizations to where eventually you're leading larger organizations, but you're also helping to mentor those below you to bring them up to your level. Because frankly, you can't stay there forever. And so somebody's going to need to take my place. So I want to leave an organization better than the way I found it.

That was really well put.

Good, I almost rehearsed it.

2 things stood out. The military is definitely not No Child Left Behind.

No, it is not.

It's like, yeah, you'll become a sergeant. Just, you know, you didn't really make the grades or the cut, but let's push you because we don't want anyone to, you know, feel inadequate.

Left out. Yeah, y'all get a blue ribbon.

I think we need to feel inadequate sometimes to move forward, but with, with the right care, of course. And then the other thing, and it's quite contradictory to what— how I was raised, my mindset on military. And I liked it because you essentially said it's a clean slate. You shave your head, you're not wearing those clothes you were wearing. You are not your father. You are not your childhood trauma. You're just this vessel and you can create from there if you want to.

Correct.

And I love that. When I was growing up, I was like anti-military, anti-corporations. I was anarchist-ish. But if someone said it to me that way, that would be different. You know, having a clean slate. All those little problems. You know, and then I was going to ask you going into adulthood. So, people that aren't raised with leadership parents examples, people saying, hey, if you join the military, it could be a clean slate. It's going to be hard but you could Do what we just discussed, or there's a creative endeavor over there, but they got locked into the autopilot. They fell out of the director's chair of their own lives. What would you tell that person? How could they get back into the director's chair?

You really need to analyze where you are and be honest with yourself.

Can I really quickly pause? When you realize where you are, that is— this is a plug— in my book, Direct Your Life, Or someone else will. The very first beat is right here is my reality. It's find out where you are because how are you going to get to where you want to go if you don't know where you are on the map?

That's right.

Continue. I just like that.

No. So, I like— and so, the second plug is I have not read Tony's book yet. So, that was not an insight and a plug-in for Tony. It was literally from where I come from.

He will right after this. It's on audiobook too.

I will get it from my wife. She will lend me her copy or I will buy a second one.

Or audiobook.

I can't do audiobook. I need a physical book.

You asked.

I got to have hardcover. So I hope you're putting these out in hardcover.

Yeah.

Okay. Don't tell me yes and it's not. I expect integrity, Tony. So when you talk about analyzing your life, one of the things we learn as, as the basic Marine, one, every Marine is a rifleman. Is a what? A rifleman.

Rifleman.

Every Marine is a rifleman. It's one of our ethos of a Marine so that Whether a cook, an admin typist, a radioman, the very core function of who we all are is riflemen, that we all can pick up the rifle and operate on the lines if the need is there.

Yeah.

But it also comes into— that means we're in combat. So what happens when I'm lost in combat and we don't know where we are? There is something that we call a resection, and a resection is where I pick out 3 distinct items out on the periphery, and I run an azimuth to all 3 of those. And when I can run that azimuth all 3 back, those 3 lines coming back by a compass will point me exactly where I am on a map that I know where I am. And so when I say analyze your life, a resection is much like that.

Hmm.

I see other individuals who are doing it right, and I want to run a sort of a comparison. Where am I to you? And to you and to you. And, it kind of gives me an analysis of a close proximity of where I am and potentially some 3 to 5 things I need to do to progress forward in life. And, it's not taking a list of 20. What are your top 50 things? You're way out of target. We can only focus on 1 or 3 things at a time. So, what are your top 3? Focus on those and then do another resection. Where am I?

Would you recommend Writing that all out.

Absolutely.

Yeah, I'm a fan of— you could see my boards over here, there's written stuff everywhere.

Yeah, yeah, too much going on. But no, actually, if there's a bad wind day in one of my offices, there are yellow sticky 3M pad flyers going everywhere. And it is— there's something about speaking it, hearing it, and writing it that makes it become indelible.

Yeah, and that's science too. Like, they've studied so many research things about that.

Tony, you're making me look smart.

Yeah, he knows. And if you're thinking, oh yeah, I can't, I don't want to write things down, I don't like journaling— yes, you do.

Journaling is so important.

It's so important because how are you going to know where you are if you don't jot it out and see a bird's-eye view of it?

Or celebrate? Yeah, years later looking back going, I remember when. And now you've re-encouraged yourself to continue.

Can I show you something real quick? Yeah, this is fun, half embarrassing, and a little kid-like.

But see, I have this This little—

this is the story of my life, Tony Suriano. Okay. And from going all the way back pretty much to birth to 2023, I wrote all these weird stories out and triumphs and tribulations. Right. And it's fun because as a speaker too, you can pull from that, those stories, and bring out lessons. So that was one reason I did it.

A concise journal.

Yeah. But the other reason is what you said, like, you look back Yeah, you know, I was there and now I'm here, right? Compare yourself to who you were 5 years ago, you know, yesterday sometimes.

Absolutely. And you'll surprise yourself. Yeah, with the progression you've made, although it's been very short in optics as you see the day, but every day is just another layer, another millimeter you're moving forward towards your target.

Let's talk about your day. How do you direct your day? Let's say perfect day for you, what would it be to where you're like, dang, I'm ready to go? How does that look like?

To be ready to attack the day or at the conclusion of the day?

No, to attack the day where you're like, okay, now I can go into flow. I can do what I know I want to do or I must do with enthusiasm.

Sure. Yeah, a lot of it's self-investment. So my day usually starts about 4:15. My alarm clock goes off, and my first thing I love in the morning is my quiet time. And my cup of coffee never speaks back at me, but it always welcomes me with a warm hug. And I have time with— in reading, I do a lot of read— I read a lot of scripture and my little prayer spiritual time. And it just helps to— it provides the hope as well as the stability for the day. And then if I haven't spent too long there, then I'm off to the gym.

Okay.

And then when I'm done with the gym, home, shower, and I'm at work by 7:30.

And you're just ready.

And I'm ready.

So now it's the beautiful, true cliché thing: mind, spirit, and body.

Mind, spirit, body.

You got those, the trifecta, right? That's why I love martial arts. It really does embody that.

It does.

That's awesome.

Sure, sure. So, it's my balancing. It's also my way to exhaust the negatives from the day prior and reset for the day. I've built hope and confidence, and now I am— I have attacked my body. I am growing physically. I've released a lot of tension through the gym. I've had quiet time to think through issues that might be happening at work or with individuals around, even family. But it gives me a clean slate to step into the office to say, what are we going to do today? There's got to be something positive we're going to create and accomplish today. And if I'm filled up with yesterday or last week, there's no room for today.

That's going to be a quote. I like that. It's so true. Wow, there's a lot processing in my mind here. Really good stuff. Good. That's what I call the director's window. No one can get to you if you, if you carve out the time for yourself. And then when they do get to you, or you go out in the world, you're less reactive.

Correct. Right?

And because crap's gonna happen, it does. You're gonna spill. I am getting really good this last decade when crazy bad stuff happens. I'm like, shake my head and laugh. because I've really carved out those director moments in the morning.

You have to have space. And but same, same, if I miss those days, it just takes 24 hours and all of a sudden I'm filled up and I don't have space. And my wife Arlene, she has seen me propel a coffee cup out the window of my vehicle because it dripped on me, because I have—

You didn't have your morning. You didn't get your—

I didn't have my morning space, and I don't like things failing. And when I'm in a dress shirt and I go to drink and the coffee drips on my shirt, it is now fired. And there it goes.

That's good. Well, it's okay because you'll just course correct.

That's right.

It's like I always say this, I can be a jerk in the moment, but I got really good at course correcting, at least with a sincere apology, really quickly. Not like 5 days later. And I tangent in there because It's, it's not about being perfect all the time. It's just like, just try.

I really hope so. Yeah, I'd like to make the same statement. I don't know if any of us have a perfect mirror. I think we have a mirror, mirror on the wall, right? We try to shape this reflective item to come back at us to say it's really not you. Well, no, it is about me, right? And let's be honest with ourselves. But yet I really hope I believe I get maddest at myself and my mistakes than mistakes of others. I expect a higher level of return and perfection out of myself than I do of others.

Yeah.

Then I believe it and I get mad at myself.

Yeah. I should have known better. Why? I've been working on that habit and I still broke it.

Right.

What's going on?

Right. Why did I accept that? That wasn't wisdom to me. Why did I accept that piece of information as being truth? And now this is all messed up when I knew better regardless. And so it's one of those self-directing things. What will I allow to direct me inside that's external versus what I've learned internally to direct myself?

Yeah, I like it a lot. Hey mate, that's a Dumb and Dumber reference if anyone If anyone remembers, that movie is Dumb and Dumber and great.

It's getting dumber though.

I would never watch the second one. I walked out of Dumb and Dumber To even though one of my favorite actors, Jim Carrey, was in it. It was a completely different writer, I don't think the same director.

It was horrible.

I walked out, and I believe that's okay in life. You shouldn't sit through a bad movie just because you bought a ticket.

I also don't think it's English appropriate. We can get dumb and dumber, but I don't think you can get dumberer.

I thought that was the— that's what it was called. He knows, he knows. Yes, let's talk about your 8 years at a company called Oracle and how you handled the layoff and the transition. Yeah, and give the audience some advice about how you handled it, the positive parts.

Yeah. One, a reduction in force is never positive other than for stockholders because people are your most expensive commodity of an organization. So oftentimes corporations are laying off personnel to increase margins, to then increase shareholder profits, right? It's, it's the capitalism market that we live in. Understanding that, knowing that Individuals are going to be let go, but it doesn't mean it was because you are lack of ability or capability. And so we have to shore up margins because we have investors investing in our company. So the first reduction in force that came with Oracle was, was unforeseen, and I think they gave me 30 days notice, but because I was involved with a certain sales cycle, they extended me another 2 weeks. Um, how more unique is how I came to Oracle.

Mm-hmm.

I was putting on veteran events and I was out in Oakland, California, putting on an event. 2 years prior to that, I'd applied to a number of roles with Oracle with just no response and not knowing the amount of traffic that comes through their, their open opportunities at that time. I'm at an event in Oakland and I'm running this veterans event. We have about 350 veterans coming, 100 veterans on the floor. And before we start, I speak to the veterans. And the 2 are kind of held off by a rope, but I want the veterans' attention. And it goes back to my military time, right? These, these are my veterans, and I want to talk to them. And I want to tell them how to communicate with all these vendors that are here because they have opportunities, not because they want to be here.

Mm-hmm.

They have opportunities and they're looking for good, skilled talent. So what I don't want veterans to do Is to come up. I call it the sniper role. You're blank face, you're not smiling, and you're giving me 100% of who you're going to be for my company, and you're walking up stoic?

Hmm.

No. And I ask, I always ask them, who did not brush their teeth this morning? And of course, nobody raises their hand. So, I said, good. Now, you can smile because you all know you brushed your teeth. And that's the way I want you to present yourself To these companies, I want you to show them a good 100% of who you are with a positive mental attitude because we're not eating snakes or dirt and all of us are dressed and clean. So smile and be confident. And then I turn around and I talk to all the vendors that are there.

Hmm.

I thank them for being there. I tell them I'm on the floor to help you if there's a misunderstanding of what an individual did in the branch of service or even the intangibles that they may bring. Please let me know. And so Oracle says, hey, I— it all gets started, boom, boom, boom, things all big whistle, bang, track gets going. And Oracle came to me, the head of HR, and says, I want to talk to you. And I said, sure, what's good? She goes, no, after the event. I said, no, I want to fix it now. She goes, no, I want to talk to you. I said, you're talking to me now, what do I need to fix? And I wasn't capturing that it was specifically, I just want to talk to you, it has nothing to do about this event. So, I got her business card. I sent her my resume. And she calls me and puts me on the track of 22 interviews with Oracle.

Hmm.

She says, I don't know where you're going to fit, but I know you're right for the company and I'm going to find you a role. And so, 3 years later, I'm going through a reduction in force. We were in diversified market, which means any market that doesn't fit the software that Oracle is selling, we find a way to make it fit. So, sales is very tight in margins and profitability. So, Oracle's going to do away with that. So, I get caught up on that reduction in force. The very lady that hired me in Oakland or brought me to all those interviews calls me from HR and says, I know you're on the RIF, but you're not going anywhere because I know you know recruiting. Now, I was doing enterprise resource planning, back office business, ledgers, sub-ledgers, financials, margins, inventory, procurement. But she wants me to go to HR and become an internal recruiter. Total shift. But she says, you're not going anywhere because I'm coming back for you. I just need about 60 days. We're standing up this new— again, though, an unfavorable condition occurred. But because of the investment in people and the appreciation thereof and the networking and the appreciation caused her to reach back out to say, I'm bringing you onto my team. So, that was the first riff. I came back on. I spent 3 years with HR developing this internal recruiting team, 120,000 Oracle employees in the US alone. So, big upmarket company, right? Billion-dollar market.

You weren't even really seeking that out. You just were present and open.

And open to the opportunity, right?

Butterfly effect.

Yeah. So, I finished my master's and then I said, okay, it's really not in HR. I want to go back to the sales solution engineer, we call it. So, I entered in with a wholesale distribution team. Again, edge market. After 3 and a half years, Oracle's going to change. Oracle's an amoeba. These billion-dollar companies are always changing face. I got caught with a reduction in force again. Now, I think a lot of it has to do with positive mental attitude. These things happen. It shouldn't surprise me. The day The 16th of January '24 was my last day with Oracle after 8 years. On the 17th, the county posted a position that was just right for me that I applied for. But as I look at it in arrears, I see everything I learned at Oracle with supply chain management, enterprise resource planning, human capital management, all feeds into what I'm doing now. And that it looks like with the leadership of the Marine Corps, It's all low-hanging fruit, and I am just cleaning halls and removing skeletons. But yet you realize how many tools in a tool bag I have been able to put into the bag because all of those negatives were turned back into positives, and I found tools, every one of them, to put to work later in life.

Bloom where you're planted. Is that kind of—

Sure.

That's so important. The book The Peaceful Warrior, have you read it? Oh, it's so good. You'd love it. It's very story-oriented. I'm talking to his wife Arlene.

Arlene's right over there.

And I didn't ask you if you read it, but you would love it because— wait, you have not? Did I ask?

Okay.

It is about a guy going in college and he's just trying to have a good time. He's a gymnast that's taken a great ride, but he meets this mechanic and he's very Mr. Miyagi type spiritual guy, but he wouldn't think it.

Right.

And he teaches him all these things. But the guy, Dan Millman is the author, but I think it's Dan in the book. And wherever he is, it's like, there you are. That's one of the things in the book. Where are you? Here.

Right here.

Yeah. What are you going to do with where you are? Are you going to enjoy the moment or complain? Have humor? What are you going to do? And that's what you just said. I mean, you, you grab the tools from every scenario without begrudging it if some of them were— because it just— you trusted the process, right? Yeah, right. What's the, the best thing you learned from the journey into your executive director?

Oh, that has so many facets to that, to that answer. I don't know that there is a best. I think rather the being able to approach it from a well-rounded perspective— people management, fiduciary management, the ability to shore people up, having the mindset of a sergeant major from the Marine Corps. We often look at that leadership in business as being this pyramid, right? And the C-suite's always up at the top.

Yeah.

In, in essence, in the Marine Corps, that pyramid is turned upside down in that even though I'm at the top, the very king and queen of that unit is the lowest level person.

Hmm.

I exist to remove barriers by virtue of my role at the top of the command. I may pay— I may pay the most, I hold formations, I discipline, and yet every lowest person still belongs to me. So when Jones comes up and says, I haven't been paid, I tell Smith, take him down to accounting, make sure he gets paid. I haven't eaten, make sure he gets eaten. The hot water is not working in the barracks. Hey, Spike, come here, go get the Foxwood, right?

Mm-hmm.

All that individual has to say is, I haven't, I don't have, I need. And I've got individuals working to make sure they have, and they have not, right? So it's not so much about rising to the top and everybody look at me while they ride around like the Pope doing a light bulb wave. It's more about shoring up those below you so that leadership in perpetuity— as I go on and retire, someone else is picking up that same model. And so we have this idiom saying as Marines, it's people first, mission always. So, we're always about the mission, but people are always going to come first. And so, you're passionate—

Without the people, how's the mission going to be accomplished?

You're not going to get done. So, both are going almost simultaneously. We are working the mission, but stop and recognize your people.

That's great. Yeah, you get sometimes tunnel vision when you have something you're so passionate about. But you have to be able and willing to pause, either serve or help or ask for help yourself, and then go back to the mission.

That's right.

Yeah, yeah. I grew up for quite a while where I was like, I'm gonna do everything alone, and, and that will show them. Kind of that mindset. It was weird. I developed a lot of skills in filmmaking particularly, and then I started to work on bigger sets and realize, wow, this is a whole team. But Before that, it was just like I have a camera and an editing thing, right? I have a dog, I'd film him, I'd shoot, and then I'd learn all these editing techniques, mess around, play around. But then I was like, the law of the lid in a way is like, wait, okay, I can't do that without another person, right? And then I started to really, really appreciate every department.

So how did you integrate to a bigger team? Yeah, that's a lot of shift.

Yeah, well, actually John Leonetti. He, he was the director— it is the director of the movie— and gosh, Hannibal. No, is it Annabelle, the, the horror film?

Hannibal?

No, no, Annabelle. Oh, I don't know. Okay, it's—

oh, that's a deeper level.

It's a doll. Okay, but he was the director of photography from— for, I think, Mortal Kombat. He did camera operating on Child's Play, all these cool old movies I love. So my dad knew him. And he'd come over and they'd talk sometimes about business or something in life, and he would peek in and say, hey, how you doing? And I would always admire him. And I think that was one essence in the film industry particularly where I was thinking, wow, he's working on these bigger films. I mean, there's so many people. If I ever want to work on anything like that, I have to be around those people. So it was a long— and still, it's still a journey of connecting and networking better and relationships.

Right, right.

But I think that was a trigger point.

But even for you, from your father's footsteps and your dad's namesake, yeah, entering into the industry, how does that not hover over you that there's expectation versus I need to invest myself to show my work will speak for me, not my name? Yeah, I love it.

He's throwing me the questions now. I, I love it because there was for a good while I felt a little— I don't want to say entitled, but a little like, well, when the timing's right, my godfather or that person in the film industry, they're gonna like pluck me out and say, hey, come and work on this big movie, right? And it didn't happen that way. And a lot of time passed, and I did start doing my own things, but I, I had to realize you have to put skin in the game for sure.

Right.

And like you said, your work should speak for itself. But yes, you have to be the one to share it to as many people as possible.

Right.

And I would say the last 5 years I've learned way more about sharing it as much as possible than I ever have. Before then, I was on the track of, of working with more people and networking as much as I could, but I had like a thing about sharing some of my work. I don't know, it was just like I didn't want to overgive something. But once you realize you have value And you, you love yourself more. I think you're more willing to share.

You are.

I think that happened.

So do you think there's, there's value in the statement, yet if I don't care who gets the credit, it's amazing how much we can accomplish?

Yeah, that's an interesting one, right? There's this filmmaker, especially in the industry you're in. Yeah, well, here's the thing. It's like, I'm the director, I want the director credit, right? But you should always, always make sure everyone gets credit, one. 2, you have to understand that they're helping you with their expertise to get that vision out, so you can't do it without them. But you remind me, there's a bunch of filmmakers called— I know there's a movie, it's called like Dogma. Have you heard of it? Dogma 66 or something? I should know. I should put it on the screen right here. But what they do is an interesting thing, and they get— they created buzz there. You could never—

there was rules.

It was like, you can never write who directed the film, but we'll have different directors throughout these films we're making. There was all these other rules, and it was so interesting because it was just like you said, not about us getting the credit, about there's— there it is, experience it. So I think it's a bit of both. I think you should get credit, I think you should give credit, but I also think it's, it's team. And it's true.

I think that people recognize when the value and the credits that should be coming, that Tony's there to say the reason that shot was so spectacular is because of John over here. Yeah, right. But I also think the more you elevate your people, it's cyclical in nature. Your people now want to elevate you, and organically you grow because they're a much larger mouth than a single individual. And organically it gets out there. Tony's fantastic. He doesn't talk about himself. He talks about all of us and brings out all the positive things, right? And so as people understand, it's the science of people and psychology. It was you, as you invest in people, they're gonna start investing back in you.

Yeah.

No different than as I talked about a young Marine, Invest in the Marine Corps and do well, and the Marine Corps will invest back in you, and you'll keep rising up the ranks. It's kind of the same thing.

Hmm. Yeah, lots of process. It's so good. I'm practicing pausing.

That's good.

More often.

The quiet pause.

Well, as a speaker on stage, the power of the pause.

It is.

And I'm, I'm going, going, going, going. Do I pause enough? So I always try to ask myself that question.

Well, it's also that the— it's the weighted pause, and people on my— the brains are like, wait, wait, wait, you were just feeding us. Why did you go silent? What did he say? Did I miss something? Right? And it becomes— it becomes a very positive, weighty blank where people want to start processing in their mind.

And it's kind of like when you lose direction in your life, if you're chattering too much in your mind, it's hard to get back on course. And that's why meditation or prayer or just like pausing, just experiencing, it really can help you find out where you are.

Right. Yeah, unless all the stray voltage just kind of dimmed down and now I can value where I'm at.

Well, I think You're in the director's chair, and I have some questions for people in the director's chair. Ready?

I thought it was taller than—

I know, I actually— your wife's— oh no, she was supposed to be in it, but I lost the back. Okay, see over there, the back's off.

The director's chair.

Think of your life as a movie and you're the editor, so you really could just edit that out. Like, that's what I always try to think. If my movie's a bad movie, where is it bad? Why doesn't it have good scenes in it? Put them in, take them out. So is there anything like a habit, a thought, or things that are going on that you would cut out?

That, that's a really unique question because I also realize that even if there are scenes I would want to cut out, they can have a positive impact and influence on my life. Now, this is how we learn, right? At 3 years old, you learned one time that the stove was hot and you never reached up there again, right? And so if I take that learning—

I did it a couple times, but that's me.

Okay. All right.

Took me a while.

Very transparent. That's great. Hopefully it wasn't last year, but still yet, they become teaching moments if we will recognize them as such and not blame them for where I am today. If truly I am heading my life in a course, and it's about me taking the reins of life to head in that direction. How do I take those negatives and turn them into a positive momentum? What have I learned from that, and how do I put that in my toolbox? That starts to create wisdom in life. Life isn't perfect, and nor is it a movie. It's nice when we can chunk out a little section to where Steve burped in the middle of this interview. But that's not life, right? We don't get the ability to pause or cut. So rather, how do we take those sections and turn them into a positive, right? So this is just like the, the hazards on the roadway of life that as I've experienced life— oh, that pothole on Main Street. Not only am I not hitting that again, but what was it that disguised that pothole for me, and how do I start ensuring that This seems familiar, potholes coming up ahead, right? So I think there's much to the wisdom of the individual if they'll take the negatives in life and learn from them.

So you're saying you can edit and trim and tweak them, but maybe some of them don't— you don't cut out because they are— they make you, right? Because if you tweak, like there's a pothole, you could— I mean, if you had control of your street, put a cone up. Or, or cover it, right? You're making little edits. So next question is, what would you edit into your life movie? Like, moving forward, are there any new things, maybe this year, last month, that you were thinking, yeah, I need a new this, that adventure, or just mindset or something?

Yeah, a lot. So some of that is stepping back to say For the past 2 years, I've been in the role I'm in now, and there have been a vast harvest of low-hanging fruit of things that were wrong.

Hmm.

And so I have been picking those from the branches and cleaning up an office in a sense. But what I am very good at doing is over-investing my time into fixing that Versus keeping a balance between work life and making sure my wife is taken care of, that we have time for vacation, that I've given myself enough time to breathe, and that my wife doesn't see— or my family even— that work is a side girlfriend or who I'm really married to versus them. So if, if if there was one thing I could stop and pause, which is so hard to do because you see all these things lined up, you say, I can fix that, I can fix that, I can fix that, I can fix that, to where she finally has to say, I need to know a time where you're coming home every night. And so that was a very honest, from the heart, right? I respect that. But it's like, but wait, I've got more to do, and I'm, I'm not done doing this. And it's, it's hard to leave something Midstream is where I really struggle. We bought a new house 10, 15 years ago, and middle of July, there were many things in the backyard left by former owner of construction and other things. And I was out to about 10 PM at night removing this item that was out there because I started it.

Yeah.

I'm gonna finish it. But I was surprised that my wife never brought me a drink of water. A Gatorade or even checked on me.

Yeah.

And the next day she tells me, well, I did. About 9 PM I looked out the window and I saw you were still out there working, so I went to bed. But it's also— it's not so much like, why didn't you bring me a water? It's, did you really have to stay out there that late to remove an obstacle in your backyard? Did it really— does— did it— was it really worth your time?

Is that your life's work right there?

Right, right. So there's small moments in there where you tend to look at it and go, okay, I can stop. I still have the drive. I started, I'm gonna finish it. I start it, I'm gonna finish it. Which is good. It is good, but sometimes it can also be a negative in that you're never really present. With your family or carve out time where they know that they are number one in your life, and then they'll let you, as time needs, spend the extra time.

I— the funny thing is, I think what you have and what I have, because I really relate, is something that a lot of people want, and it's a little bit of a passion, a little bit of obsession. And it's easy for you and me, probably sounds like it, to get into flow and never stop until it's done, even if you lacked sleep and you're like, finally I finished, right? It's kind of easy. So that's an attribute people want. But I have the same thing. I need to have alarms. And sometimes I want the wife to come and be the alarm. But what, she's always going to do it? No, we have to set our own. And I physically have alarms on my phone. I have this— I tell everyone about this. I have on my desk over there a little old-school analog Egg timer.

Oh, really?

So, it's only an hour, but at least— and for me, it does 2 things. One, it can wake me up out of flow because I'm in flow. I'm not asleep in flow. Jolt me up, and then I will maybe close my eyes or I'll stand up if I'm sitting, right? The other thing is it will remind me to get out there, and especially now, like, okay, check on the baby. Maybe I can relieve her a little. It's baby and mama time a lot, but still. If I could give her 3, 4, or 5 minutes and then go back to my work or something.

Right. That's interesting that you use an hour. Do you find it easy to go back into flow after a break of an hour?

Okay, so this is the thing, more science for you that I've, I've learned from this great book, High Performance Habits. And they say it could take up to 2 hours to get back into the deepest flow. Now, I wouldn't say most of the time it's 2 hours. I know when I'm interrupted Unintentionally, it can take me 30, 45 minutes to get back into it. And what that means, it doesn't mean I sit back down and let's say I'm writing, I'm just like, all right, I don't know. It means maybe I should clean that up. Okay, let me maybe grab a snack. All these little things flood in.

Mm-hmm.

And then finally, maybe I fill myself with snack. If I'm not too tired now, I sit back down and then I get back in the flow. But if someone's around, my wife or something, and I'm interrupted, and it will take me a long time.

Right.

So, so there's, uh, there's all these things in my head right now, but I think it was Benjamin Franklin or, or one of those, those people in the books, they said, I go on a walk, I do my work, I read 3 hours, and I don't see my wife until noon. And what's cool about that, not to be selfish, but a little bit Is when you show up at noon in this scenario, you're really present. You feel like, oh, I did the things like we talked about. No one interrupted my director's window.

Right.

And you can really be there for them. So, I know when I get stuff done in that chunk and then maybe my wife wants to go and do something, I can be present. But if I didn't finish it or I didn't have at least the allotted time or my ritual is gone if you're traveling, I can be a little on edge, right? And I'm constantly working on it. What has helped you?

That is, that is tough. One, I'm very noise attentive. What was that? What was that? What was that? So it's a situational awareness type of preservation thing. Yeah, I need white noise. And if I can have white noise in my ears or headphones, especially while writing— writing is such a craft. To come out, right? Just direct your life. You need an igloo around you to where there's no outside influence, because when you're in the flow of really directing that succinctly, we're heading someplace. And if I'm off by 2 or 3 degrees, it doesn't make sense. So I need to stay on this charted path, which noise, things going on around me, is, is what distracts me. So, I know I have to put on white noise or classical music, something without words. I can't focus on it. So, when I'm writing and I'm doing policies, directives, or even the 8 years at Oracle or while doing my master's, I did all-nighters because the customer's meeting was tomorrow. But, it was one of those I have to silence out the world because I'm building decks and I'm deciding the flow of this presentation to this customer considering who this customer is, in how this should be presented so that they can consume the information. So there's all these facets to not just the project I'm on, but the individuals around that, that I need to present this logically, succinctly, and so that they can consume the information in a positive manner that I'm giving them. All that is within when I'm sitting down with my flow. And it's, it's, it's crafting that message. But when I start getting interrupted, or vacuum cleaners, or the cat comes in, or, hey baby, did you do this? Or— and it, it takes me out of that flow.

Yeah.

And I have, as we're writing, I've got the next 5 steps in my head.

Yeah.

And when I get distracted in flow, I forget what the next 5 steps are. And so I have to back up, and therefore it takes me another 45 minutes to an hour to get back up to where I was, if I can even recall where I really wanted this to go.

Now, how do you take a break and be okay with it if you had to? If you know you have to stop even though you're in flow, you're like, oh my gosh, it's noon. I want to go for 3 more hours because I'm on the roll. And how do you do it in peace?

I then have to write myself almost bulletized format, right? As if you were going to write a speech. These are the top topics, subtopics. I have to do the same. I have to just take up my pad of paper and I'm going to write out the 5 bullets or whatever I was tracking in my head for where I'm going onto a sheet of paper because it just helps to recalibrate my mind when I sit back down at what I'm writing or doing. Oh yeah, I need to get to here. Okay, so I'm going to here. And, it sort of gives me my intellectual map routing back to me.

That's a great technique. So, you know you're going to stop. It's not like, oh, yeah. Talk about that subject next. It's like, okay. This is what I did. This is where I want to go. Don't forget this. Don't forget that.

Right.

You know what's cool? That brings peace for yourself. I like that. I'm going to adopt that because there are many times I'm interrupted now with the kid, you know?

And then you're like—

And that's okay. But it's like—

I had some— I was going someplace and what?

And where was I going? And you always have a minute before you have to do it. So that can take a minute or 2. And that would save you hours of like irritation and just saying, okay, I can't wait until this is over, which sucks because it's like you want to be good, present, and have fun with the family. Correct. In this case, the kid. Correct. So absolutely. I love that. That's cool. Quick question. What were the earphones, or do you have favorite earphones that you've been using to cancel the noise?

Oh, I have multiple sources. So like most of us, we have bookshelf monitors at our computers anymore. And so if I have the ability to shut my office door, I'll put on some either classical or white noise just to drown out the office traffic. And they know if it's something of an emergency, come knock at the door, so be it. And if not, I use Jabra in-ear.

How do you spell that?

J-A-B-R-A.

Okay, cool.

Um, but they— I can do noise canceling and put the white noise through, plus I can also leave it so there's a little bit of bleed through that if somebody is banging on the door, I can hear it. Yeah, right. Um, so it's pretty much my main 2 ways. It's either my in-ear kind of— they're like in-ear monitors almost— or the bookshelf monitors where I can create this space of filtered outside drama occurring.

I like that. I've been looking for noise cancellations just in case the baby's getting a little crazy. I could still hear him, but I don't want to have it like I do this and he's screaming in my ear. It's just a little, a little loud. So that's why, as I'm looking at it—

Yeah, I'm not good with the big over-the-ear Mickey Mouse type. Oh cool, these are all in-ear.

Oh yeah, yeah, they just don't need that. I know that's sweaty and obtuse.

Okay, bulbous.

Okay, I have a few more questions to wrap this fun interview up. This has been great stuff. Ready?

Go.

Just whatever comes to mind. What would you tell your 20-year-old self right now? What advice?

Hmm, I would tell my 20-year-old self, trust your instincts because you've done pretty well so far. Good.

How do people trust their instincts? What is it? What do you have to develop? Are there 3 things? I know it took me a while, and I just— and then I started. I think it was with action, me just trying, experimenting things out. But do you have any thoughts on that? There's one—

is the ability to dream. Where do you want to go, right? Because I— if I don't know where I want to go and I don't plot that out, I'm always going to make exactly the end state I intended for the day, which was nowhere. So instinctively, we all have internally a thing we're drawn to— a work, a love, something we're passionate about. And so to trust instinctively yourself— where do I want to go? Because all I, I think naturally we start charting out in our minds what does it take to get there. And if I know in my dreams where I want to be, my conduct has changed towards that end state. And if I don't have an end state in mind I can waft wherever I want, and it doesn't matter because I wasn't heading anywhere. So for me, it's powerful to believe in the instincts of where do I want to go, what do I want to achieve, whether that's a 20-year career, 50-year career, business owner model ship.

You—

for me, I have to know. I think it's important not just for me but for everybody to know where is your end state and where do you want to be. You talked about the lid. Right. Do you naturally set out, I just want to be a 7? I don't— that to me, that's not natural. I want to— everybody wants to be a 10.

Yeah.

So, why not chart out what does it take to be a 10 and what are those different levels? And so, if I cannot consume each individual level, that's going to be a stepping block of me towards 10. We don't go from 1 to 10. We don't go from 1 to 5. There are integrals between there that we need to be charting out so that intellectually we're moving forward and we're thinking about where we're at and what's next for me to achieve. So that when we do turn around 3 years from now, our journaling, we can go, oh my gosh, I forgot about all this stuff, how powerful that was. And we don't even realize we've made it to 6 or Even 7 sometimes.

You say we dream. If we dream, what happens? You're making a little bit of a target that you were saying. And I think when you have a target in the mind, you're more likely to maybe try a step or 2. And if you try a step or 2, you'll fail and learn fast, and then you'll— you start to maybe develop the gut instinct.

Sure.

That's what I got from that. Okay, I like that. You see on my wall, I got this calendar. I'm sure— oh, I think I peeked in your office once, and I always have something up so it's on top of the mind.

It is.

That will make me— and I like that word, make me. Sometimes you need to—

A reinforcement.

Yeah. And I love that answer. That's good, because to teach someone gut instinct, it's almost seemingly impossible. Like, I don't know how you teach them They have to tap into the— they have it. That's the thing. They have it already.

But I think it's demonstrated more than it is taught, but it's taught through demonstration.

Yeah.

So, as your son grows up and he's watching dad, he's watching dad demonstrate what it looks like to chart life. It's, you know, remember the old adage, don't do as— do as I say, not as I do. Well, no, I'm going to do as you do because you're teaching me more non-orally than you are orally.

Yeah.

And so my very actions and who I am and my habitual habits, that there's reasoning behind that, are going to speak so much louder to your son than any words of wisdom you may give him. You may have some that you repeat, right? We all know our fathers, and they all have their little tics, Suriano. Right. And it's kind of fun at times. But yet, if I think about my father and what he taught me, it was more through his actions than it was his words. Yeah.

I was listening to someone say that, relatively speaking, the language is so small compared to the human history of, you know, just so much body language.

Right, right.

Whether, whether we can know that or not. It's body language is everything and actions are everything.

That's right.

I like that.

Yeah.

Where can people find you if they want to look into you or find your services?

One is LinkedIn.

Yeah, I saw.

We're connected. And the other one, I don't do a lot of social media. I have enough coming in organically requesting. So the other one would be claremontcountyveterans.com is our website or just by telephone. 513-732-7363 and ask for the executive director.

Nice.

And that's how that works.

Great, I love it. I was debating on asking you this question, but I feel like it would be great for you.

Okay.

It has a little memento mori, a little bit of like, hey, life can end at any moment. And I feel like someone that lives in the present like you can reflect on that. So what would you want written if you could write anything? It's not going to cost you extra for words on your epitaph, as your epitaph on a gravestone.

If I could write my own epitaph? Yeah, yeah. See, that's where the humor comes into it.

Yeah, I know. I want something funny, right? But then I want something profound. Right, mix.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Wow, what would that be? I want to be so much smart-alecky, like, I want to, I want to have a hand engraved on my headstone with, grab my hand and follow me, we're going to the right place.

Right? Beautiful. I like that.

Yeah, I don't know if they'd fashion a piece of marble of a hand coming out, right? Grab my hand, follow me, right? I might be stuck there for a while.

That's creative. I like that. That's kind of— it reminds me of the Star Wars where he's Stuck in the—

oh, that's right, when they froze Han Solo, right?

I wonder if that's going to be Harrison Ford's gravestone when he goes. Like, why would you not do that? It's epic.

It's epic, right?

Do it.

Generations.

Harrison, do it. What does it mean to direct your life?

Hmm. What does it mean to direct my life? One, I am the only one, in a sense, responsible for my achievements. I don't ride on the coattails of others. My work speaks for who I am. The volume of words I speak from my mouth cannot replace the value of the work that I give. And therefore, I must chart out where I want to go and who I want to be.

I can see why you married this guy because he had money. That's great. That was beautiful.

Yeah.

Thank you so much for being Tony.

This has been fun.

I don't know.

I threw some questions your way.

Thank you for listening to the Direct Your Life podcast. If you enjoyed this episode. But more importantly, this episode inspired you to take actions on what matters to you. Please let me know. Leave a review wherever you're listening to. If you're in the Apple app, just scroll down, rate it, leave me a review on what stood out, what you want more of, and who you want me to bring on the show next. Also, don't forget to follow because then you'll never miss an episode. And finally, If you're ready to upgrade your life, to stop dabbling, to stop conforming, or to expand what you're currently already after, I am confident you will love my new book, Direct Your Life, or someone else will. Grab your copy at directyourlifebook.com. And when you grab your copy, you can upload your receipt to receive the audiobook for free. Free as my gift to you, because if you're like me, you want to read, you want to listen, you want to just digest content that matters. Until next time, get out there and direct your life.

Thank you.