14. Catch Your Thoughts Before They Catch You!

And I was bitter, and you get resentful, and you start becoming what you think and you say to yourself all day long. And again, it becomes a conviction. So how did I get out of it? How did I practice that? I literally started writing on my wall. My wife says this intro sounds like a conspiracy mystery, so I'll stop that voice and tell you this show is for you to get you on the track you want for your life. I'm going to share encouraging educational content, hopefully. If you're asleep, like I kind of felt like moments ago, then we got to wake up, move the body, tap on the leg, tap on the shoulder. Let's move. Let's make this a good day. All right. Thank you for being here. I'm Tony Suriano, your host and founder of Creatives Unleashed. I got a monthly mastermind happening if you're interested in personal development. It's called Creatives Unleashed. and It's on the 3rd Thursday of every you're month. someone that wants to be more creative, or you're already a creative, but you just want to go to the next level, hang out with us on our live every month, go to creativesunleashed.com/mastermind. But today I want to talk about something that is so powerful, and it's either negatively or positively speaking. And I want to share these 3 solutions to this problem that can really help you direct your life better and enhance your relationships with yourself and people out there. And then at the end, I'm going to give you one super easy challenge to do so you can make this problem work its wonder for you instead of against you. What am I talking about? What am I talking about? I'm talking about automatic negative thoughts to yourself, but also To others. Because did you know that 80% of the time we're usually repeating thoughts throughout our day? So think about that and think about your belief system. What is a belief? A belief is a thought repeated over and over and over until it's a conviction. So that means you have to be careful about what you think Because a man is what a man tells himself all day long, whether you know it or not. And here's a little story before I even go into these 3 solution ideas. I was celebrating a birthday last weekend, and I decided, you know what, this cookie place looks really new and nice, kind of looks upscale, my type. So I went in. First of all, it looked like a hospital. The lights were blasting. It was 8 at night. And they greeted me with a welcome. I was looking over their menu, and there was this little kiosk just to the right of me while I was pondering what cookie I was going to eat. They did look good, by the way. So, there's a reason I'm telling you this. So, listen to this part. Someone walks in front of me. Um, it was her right away. She walked past me and went to this little kiosk and started selecting the cookies. She put in a lot. And then she looked a little stumped. My wife was next to me, and she happened to be paying attention. And my wife, after, I don't know, 30, 40 seconds, went over there and said, oh, to pay, here's the little device down here. It's not up there on the screen. Because the person was holding up their credit card and trying to tap it on the screen somehow. And this is when it got a little scary observing. The lady responded, said, "Oh, thank you. I'm an idiot." Oh, she literally called herself an idiot in a nanosecond after my wife told her where to pay. And why is that important? Because It was automatic. So she automatically called herself an idiot when she made a mistake. Is that going to get your morale up? If you do that and repeat it enough, which she obviously has been, or it wouldn't have been automatic, or she would have been humorous about it. Like I sometimes joke at myself and I make a humorous moment about it, but you have to be careful because if you go too deep into that, oh, I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot. Guess what? When you try new things— well, actually, you probably won't try new things. That's the fact. And you'll just be calling yourself names all day over and over because 80% of your day is the repeat of these thoughts in our wonderful, amazing brains. So what's the idea here? The idea is to have awareness and catch yourself. Because there's no doubt this lady, and this isn't a judgment of visual, it's just a judgment of lifestyle. She was overweight and she was ordering a lot of cookies. And I don't think she tells herself she's a worthy being that often. I don't think she tells herself, you know what, health is wealth. Sure, we can have our snacks, but I want to feel vibrant. I want to feel alive. I want to feel awake. I want to go and live and smile. I just doubt it because I've seen enough people. I was one of them when I had too many negative thoughts over and over. I became the negative thought. You become what you repeat. It is really magical and it could be negative. It could be positive. So you have to catch yourself. That's the first big idea. Awareness. Are you being aware? Can we all agree that sometimes we're aloof? Sometimes we can't trust ourselves to be aware, so we have to provoke it. And you can do this in many ways. I believe journaling, sharing daily with people or yourself on a page can help refocus and get the awareness and realize, you know what, I called myself an idiot today out loud in public. That is detrimental because you're an amazing, perfect being. And yes, I said perfect because there's nothing wrong with you. We just gotta grow because it feels good to grow. We were created as magic. And I think that in a way is perfection. And I, I can't say it enough, but when I look around and I'm in the moment, I really feel that it's a miracle that I'm alive. It's a miracle that you're here listening with your ears through this electronic device. It is amazing. And we need to remind ourselves of these things. We need to repeat these things and be convicted. Convicted. We need to have conviction. Don't get convicted. Don't get convicted. Don't do drugs. Okay, I digress. The second thing is reframe your phrases, change your wording. So you catch yourself first. Second thing, reframe it. Earlier today, those that don't know, I'm a director and actor amongst a few other things. And I I had an actor come in to audition in the audition room, and he just had to tell a little story, something funny, kind of humorous, 30, 40 seconds. He came not prepared, and he told me, he said, oh, I didn't read the extra stuff in the slate. Oh, I'm sorry. I said, that's okay, but don't let it happen next time. And then I told him what he needs to do. And guess what? What? The first thing out of his mouth was, oh, uh, man, I didn't— I didn't prepare for this. I don't know really what to say. Like, my life's kind of boring. He said, my life is kind of boring to me, and he's never met me. And that shows something. I'm not trying to make fun of this person, but it was— again, I have to use the word— scary. Your life is not boring. Maybe you didn't journal enough of your life, so you can't remember the magic moments. And that's the truth. When we don't share stories with each other, journal about them, about the things in our life, then we just have it become one big blur. And I know that sometimes I get so wild, out of whack, 3, 4 days pass. I'm like, wait, what day is it? It's because I didn't take a beat. I didn't stop and write down my thoughts, just kind of look around and think, oh my gosh, it's a miracle. I'm going to say it again. And we need to take these breaks, these beats. We need to journal a little bit and we need to reframe. So instead of saying, oh, well, you know, my life's pretty boring, he could have said something like this if he caught himself. You know, my life's a little, uh, well, let's just say I'm becoming more adventurous, so I just need more adventures in my life. That alone can change your facial expressions. My face could start to smile when I say it. And then the person listening, which was me, could have said, yes, we all need more adventures. Well, what was the last camping trip you went on? And I could have just provoked him In a joyful spirit instead of feel a little bad that he seems— that he seems to think that he's boring. That's a pity. I hope he left that audition room in a better mood. I try to uplift people's moods when I can. Now, on today, this day of a little bit lacking of sleep, I was a little impatient. And funny enough, this other actor that came in, Something happened. He was in a good mood. He never met me either. And first thing out of his mouth was, should I do this the whole way through or, uh? And he just sounded like he didn't know what he was doing. And because I lacked sleep, which causes irritability, I had an automatic response and it was not my good self. I just looked him in the eyes. I said, can you please get on the T-mark and I'll walk you through? That. And I said it like a little bit of a dick. All right. Now, because I practice awareness, because I really know when I'm being my best self and when I'm falling off track, I caught myself moments later and, and I changed everything around. I was so proud. And I'm glad because I could tell he was He was worried he was another unprepared actor. Sometimes these actors are too unprepared. But I told him, hey, have you been in acting classes? And I started to say it with a— what's the word? Aggression. A little bit of an aggression. Because he said, well, what do you think I should do for this part? Because it was a little unclear. And again, I said, have you ever been in acting classes? And in that moment, I shifted the sentence to make it more lighthearted, and it helped. I said this, just like this. Have you ever been in acting classes? Like the improv side of acting? And I kind of raised my voice a little bit like that because I didn't want to be an aggressive, mean person just because I lacked sleep. Am I a baby? Now, it happens when you lack sleep. You kind of are a baby. You need a nap, you need some food, you need some chill pills because you get irritable. But I changed it around and I saw him start to lighten up and liven up. And then he did a good audition and I helped him come up with the ideas instead of me putting the thoughts in his brain. And that is the reframe. So we have awareness. And reframe. Number 3 is what? It is practice. This is the idea that I run with, and I love. Practice makes progress. I heard that from Jim Kwik. He's a brain coach and he's done a lot for this world. I've learned so much from him. Practice is progress. How do you practice being aware? How do you practice Reframing. How do you do all that when you have automatic negative thoughts sink into you every day? We've all been there, I think, because you have bad days and sometimes there are multiple days in a row, and sometimes those days become months, and before you know it, you're the negative person. That used to be me. I used to be the negative creep. Sure, I joke around. I was always a comedic type guy, but I was a negative creep and I started to kind of be proud of it. And I would say things negative about the humans, about couples, because I was just a single guy for quite many years and I was bitter. And you get resentful and you start becoming what you think and you say to yourself all day long. And again, it becomes a conviction. So how did I get out of it? How did I practice that? I literally started writing on my walls back when I lived in a small office above a liquor store secretly. That was a big change for me. I started to digest so many personal development books, so many creative books and inspiring books, and I started writing these quotes on the walls. So I would see them because I walk by those walls every day. And the more you see every day these things, you start to feel them, not just understand them intellectually, right? Because there are big prints on my wall, kind of a little crazy, right? You walked in there and it's a little psychotic, like, whoa, he has little quotes, big quotes, Words, and I loved it. I really, really loved it. It was a creative way to express the new me, the best me, actually, that was already inside of me, but I wanted to bring it up to the surface. Now, I'm going to challenge you because if you let these automatic negative thoughts, these Ants, A-N-T-S. If you let these automatic negative thoughts run your life, you will inevitably have more stress, less resilience, more depression, more anxiety. And these patterns are actually rewiring your brains. And these words They activate the pathways of our brains. And you have more fear if it's negative all the time. And you have more fear of failing if you have negative thoughts all the time. So you need to figure out a way to practice this. And the challenge is for you to simply just write positive words about yourself on a piece of paper and tape it to your wall. I would do it in your bathroom mirror. Let your family look at it. Let your friends joke about it. Be bold. And if you want a better visual for this quick tool, is just circle your name on a big piece of paper in the middle and start drawing lines around this circle and start adding the great things about yourself, but Even beyond that, the great things you don't think you possess yet. If you're not confident— I used to be a shy, shy man, and I started pushing and I started writing, I am confident. Then I started saying it before I wanted to do something or talk to someone or go somewhere. I would say it so I feel it in my vocals. You got to be in it. You can't just intellectualize it. So write this circle around your name, write these lines, and start putting and plotting where and what you want to be automatic. Because if you get automatic positive thoughts, then everything changes. And then you mess up in public when you're buying cookies, and then you say, oh, I'm a dork. Sometimes I'm just so zoned in on the scrumptious cookies before me that I forget How to use a credit card. And then it's funny and it's humorous. And who knows, maybe you make a new friend. But this is real. And I want you to feel what this could do for you day to day, month to month, year to year, because this year can change. If you're the person that needs to hear this and you're always saying things like, I never can get things right. I don't remember people's name. I'm terrible with names. Have you ever heard that? People say I'm terrible with names. I am a name guru. I am brilliant with names. I love learning people's names and I practice it and I push. So the recap, catch yourself when you have these automatic negative thoughts. Hey, if you have some positive automatic negative thoughts—I mean positive automatic thoughts—then pat yourself on the back because that is rare and great, and it will help you and other people. It's like a ripple effect. You start spreading that goodness with your automatic thoughts. So that takes awareness. You need to catch it early. It's just like a kitchen. If you Let it get dirty in one area and you don't wipe away the crumbs right away or the spilled milk right away, then it settles and it gets nasty and sticky. Then you, you know what, let me go over here and cut the vegetables in the clean area. And if you don't do that, then it becomes worse. And before you know it, you have this full kitchen and the floor that's collecting hair and grime and you're like, dang. This is like a monster in my kitchen. I don't even want to clean this. And then you stop going in the kitchen. Okay, I just described my messy rockstar life in my early 20s. Okay, there, I said it. But I, I figured out the art of cleaning a kitchen and a house just one little thing at a time and just catch it early. Kill the monster when it's a baby. Okay. Kill the monster when it's a baby. And when you catch it, journal about it, reframe it, use the awareness so you can implement, so you can change and shift and lower the stress now, lower the anxiety. You can practice this. That's the third thing. Practice this. Ask a friend to help you. Don't let it go under the bridge. Don't listen to this And then think, oh yeah, I'll remember. No, make sure you're practicing this. So ask that friend to help you say, hey, when I have negative thoughts that just come out, whether it's about me, whether it's about you, whether it's about our boss, please let me know. And I want you to do this. Ask your friend, journal about it, because this is the way you can control your success, your levels of stress. This is how you can feel vibrant and go after the things that matter to you. This is how you direct your life. And there you have it. I hope that you actually found value in this, and if you did, please let me know in the comments. Now Spotify has a comment section. You You can rate this show, review the show. Let me know what you think. I want your feedback. And if you know someone that needs to hear an episode like this, please share with them. I'm trying to spread all the lessons to all the cool people out there and create a mastermind of awesome people. And speaking of masterminds, I have a new monthly live mastermind. You can check it out and join. It's only $25 a month. You can cancel anytime, but why you need to get in. Is to hold yourself accountable and to have us hold you accountable with your dreams and really to realign with what matters to you. Go to creativesunleashed.com/mastermind to find out more and see how you can join today. I know you'll love it. This is the thing in life, we slip back when we go it alone. I know it happens to me and I know it happens to you. But when we're together and we check in once a month and you get coaching live in a social environment, things change and you get excited and you work yourself to show and share each month with me and the rest of the Creatives Unleashed Mastermind family. I know if you join with an open mind, a growth mindset, you are going to love it. That's creativesunleashed.com/mastermind.