In this solo, informal podcast episode, Tony Suriano invites listeners into a moment of presence—recorded from a parking‑lot‑turned‑studio surrounded by mud tracks, a passing train, and geese—and uses the setting to illustrate the power of being fully in the now. He shares a personal anecdote about a conversation with his wife after her run, highlighting how the way we phrase questions can either open or close dialogue. From that story he derives two core, daily‑use tools: (1) Ask better, empowering questions that reduce defensiveness and invite honest sharing, and (2) Rate yourself on a 1‑to‑10 scale in moments of difficulty to gauge vulnerability, openness, and relational health. He expands the rating practice to cover mood, excitement, and connections with friends and family, insisting that the scale be anchored to one’s ideal “best‑self” rather than external comparison. A third, supporting habit—consistent journaling of the ratings and reflections—is presented as the mechanism that turns awareness into lasting change. Throughout, Tony emphasizes curiosity, vulnerability as freedom, and the need for intentional practice to reframe life through better questioning and self‑assessment. He ends with a call‑to‑action for listeners to try the tools, comment, rate, and share the episode.
Chapters
Maybe I didn't ask the right question, the empowering question to her. How can you ask a better question? If I show my vulnerability, would I be freer or would I be feeling caged? My wife says this intro sounds like a conspiracy mystery. So I'll stop that voice and tell you, this show is for you to get you on the track you want for your life. I'm going to share encouraging educational content, hopefully entertaining, that will help you direct your life. Welcome in. This is a raw episode. As you can see, if you're watching on YouTube, I am hanging out in some place that has a long train track, mud on the floor, an old outlet right here, and I got my notes And this book I'm reading, and I'm here for you. My name is Tony Suriano. I'm the host of this podcast. Welcome in. Today I want to talk about 2 super duper tools that we must implement and use on a daily basis, especially in times of toil. Now, before I even talk about the stories and the 2 tools, take a look around if you're on YouTube. If you're not, Look around wherever you are and see what you see. So today is all about presence, and for me, this place is gorgeous because even though in the distance I have these traffic lines, these freeways, to me it kind of feels like ocean sounds. I just happen to be in this parking lot and I'm away from all the other cars in the building. And I saw this little place and I thought, let me just read here and let me experience this. There's mud tracks on the floor that lead kind of to nowhere. And I'm looking at that through the lens of a magician, a filmmaker, just being in the moment. That's who I am. And I'm happy, I'm blissful. There's these geese flying around, you might hear them, and they're making this gawk sound, if that's the, the way to describe it. Is that an onomatopoeia? Someone comment, let me know. Haven't said that word since high school. So these geese could distract you and make you pissed off because they're loud, or they could be magic to your ears, which they are to me. They're one of my favorite Animals to watch and listen to. The train that's been passing by a couple times while I was reading, it was screeching, but I just— I tapped into the presence and I thought, what a wonderful thing. We have a train that can move. I can hear the sounds it makes. It goes through the air into my ears. This is magic. This is crazy. If you ever stop and think about it, if you're here listening this far, You probably do. You're probably more present than most people, and people maybe make fun of you for enjoying life more than most people. But if you're like me and you're human and you're not AI— I'm not AI at the moment, this is real, this is me— then you have tough times, you have difficult times. And that's where some of these tools come in, because it's important to use them during the problem hours. But right before those 2 tools, this is a relative story. Here we go. The other night I was speaking with my lovely wife, and you're going to be hearing stories with me and her because she's in my life a lot. And she just got off of a run. I didn't run. I didn't even exercise that day, so I was applauding her. I finished some work in my office at home and I realized, okay, I haven't really Uh, had a conversation with my wife today yet, like a deep one. So let me just ask her, hey, how was the run? I didn't ask you. She said it was great. I listened to a podcast, she said. Oh cool. So let me, uh, let me ask, what did you learn? What was some takeaways? And she paused and she didn't answer right away. She was Almost trying to avoid the question, to be truthful. And if you're listening, honey, this is going to help everyone listening. So I'm not— what's the word— bagging on you. I'm not saying negative things about you. This is just an example. So she kind of closed me off because she didn't feel like she had something amazing to share with me. And she thought, as she knows me, I'm really curious. I'm like a kid. I want to learn new things. I want to see what's going on. So I prodded a little bit, and after a while we started going deep in this conversation— why she felt a little closed off, why she felt the need to express profundity to me, because I'm someone that just wants to absorb new things, new, new knowledge. And she knows this. And I quickly came up with this analogy. I was quite proud because sometimes it's hard for me to come up with a metaphor or analogy on spot, on a spot. But I said, honey, listen, I'm asking you things not so you prove to me that you learned and that you have this amazing takeaway. You could just say, hey, I Don't remember exactly what I learned, but I got this great feeling from this podcast and it's carrying into my evening and it might help me tomorrow or later. I don't know yet. And that would have been fine. But instead of saying that, she again kind of put a little bit of a wall up. And I asked her, hey, if you just got back from Disney World with your friends and I haven't seen you for a couple weeks or something, My first question would be like, hey, how was Disney World? Like, what'd you do? What was your favorite ride? What'd you guys do after that? And then before? And I know that she would just express and share all the good stuff that happened, right? Wouldn't you if someone asked you, what'd you do on your fun trip? You just want to share. But now the analogy is that versus me asking her to open up and just be honest with what she learned. And I don't know about you, but when I ask people, oh hey, what'd you learn today? Or, or if I talk to people on the phone that I haven't talked to for a month or two, I say, oh, are you reading any new books? That's just my question. Now, people don't like those questions sometimes because they feel pressured. But again, the analogy, like, if you just open up with honesty, And know the other person's asking you out of curiosity, just like you went to Disneyland, why not just accept that they're curious and fun with it? So that way you're not going to close yourself off. And even if you don't have anything particular to say that's very profound, you might come up with some phrase like, you know, that's a good question. What did I learn? I just know the podcast was motivating. Like, he was talking about just living better and being better. And that's actually my main takeaway. I should have written something down. It'll come to me. Just that alone would help so much with me, the questioner. I'm not— I wasn't interrogating her, I promise, I promise. But it wouldn't allow me to go, oh, okay, cool. And maybe I would open up something else. I'm like, So when you say be better, like, how did that, uh, drop with you? Was there anything you're working on? And then maybe there's a back and forth conversation. And the real reason I shared this short story and the analogy is for you and for me. Are there any areas in your life where you feel like you put up a block because you think someone's trying to make you prove to them? Maybe that's the case, but often it isn't. Often we're curious beings. We want to just have a great conversation. And that was a simple analogy because sometimes we think others are prodding and prying when they're actually curious as a kid, as if we went to Disneyland. I hope that makes sense. And there are a couple tools. I may have even said one already, so I want to go into the tools, how you can snap out of it. Because if we don't catch ourselves, then conversations die and dwindle. And that's why majority of relationships don't work out, because no one has the conversation. By the way, my wife and I had the conversation. It continued into a 15-minute discussion. about this, and it was cool. And we talked about the why and the how to snap ourselves out of it. And I just assured her, like, hey, listen, I know I'm intense sometimes. Like, I just— but my intention is curiosity. And not even maybe I want to know what I can learn, but also I, I like to see what you learn. Because for me It is fulfilling to see others learn and aha moments in others. That's why if you have any aha moments, comment in the video below, or if you're on the audio platforms, you can leave a comment in Spotify now. You can also rate the show in the Apple Podcast. But the first tool is ask better questions. Ask better questions, because if you aren't asking better questions, maybe you get some people blocking you. Maybe I didn't ask the right question, the empowering question, to her. Maybe I did. But if I did, then on her side, she should probably ask herself better questions like, okay, what's— what are the intentions of my husband right now? Okay, he's an intense, curious kid. All right, he's, he's meaning good. Let me, let me, uh, open up. Let me just talk. Let me be honest. Ask better questions. So what could you ask in a situation when you feel like you're closing up? Could be at work, could be in relationships, could be in that next creative thing you're working on. Maybe you're Working on a new piece of art, but you just don't feel like you're opening it up because you, you feel like if you're that vulnerable, people are going to judge you. How can you ask a better question? If I show my vulnerability, would I be freer or would I be feeling caged? The answer is freer, right? So ask better questions. That's number 1. Tool number 2 is rate yourself daily, but especially, especially when you have an issue at hand, rate yourself. And here's an example. Back to that little art piece I just mentioned. On a scale of 1 to 10, how vulnerable are you being with your creation? On a scale of 1 to 10, how vulnerable are you being with your creation? And if it's a 6— no one wants to be a 6— raise that up, bring it to a 10, because that's when you'll get the freedom. And if you're not feeling happy right now, if you're listening and you're like, this guy Tony He's just like blah blahing in, in my ear with this motivation stuff and these good questions to ask. You, my friend, need to rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10. How much openness to learning new perspectives and new ideas am I? If it's below a 7, You know what, no 7s. If it's below an 8, you have a lot of great questions to ask yourself to do the shift. And I think it's not an automatic thing because humans go negative right away. That's the automatic thing for humans. So we have to practice this. We have to create progress with the practice and write down the questions that empower us. Again, back to that first tool. So this rating tool is essential, and it could go work for you in every situation of your life. I started rating myself this last few years, not just on things that are, are, uh, focusing just on me, like how do I feel right now? Am I happy? Am I excited? What am I excited about? On 1 to 10, do I have the excitement? Not just that, but Also family and friends. How have I been this entire month on a scale of 1 to 10 with my friends that I keep in touch with? How have I been with my family? And this is the crucial part of this tool. You can't just rate yourself 1 to 10 based off of others. It has to be based off of your best self, your ideal situation. So let's say How have I been with my friends this month, 1 to 10? My 10 is that I've checked in with my— a few of my great friends at least once a week, and maybe I've sent them a text or a picture or something funny within that week. So that's like reaching out 2 times a week to people and friends I really like to stay in touch with. That's my 10. Now my 1 would be not talking to them for 2 months and going, oh my God, I, I lost track. I haven't even checked in on my dear friend. And that would suck. But the only way I'm going to be aware of that is if I rate it. The only way you're gonna really be aware is if you rate it. And there's a bonus third tool here. The only way you'll be aware of these things is to start journaling consistently. And when you ask yourself the 1 to 10 question, write it down, journal it, keep a log, because then you can go back and see the better months and start recreating those better months in the current month. This is key. Awareness is so important. And I say it all the time, and you know it, but if you're not doing it, Do you know it? That's the question. If you know it but you're not doing it, do you know it? Not really. You have to embody it. You have to practice the journaling techniques. You have to ask better questions that empower you. You have to use these tools and rate yourself, especially in times of toil. Your challenge is exactly what I just proposed. Rate yourself 1 to 10 on how much openness and honesty you are currently bringing to your current conversations. Rate yourself 1 to 10 on how open and honest you're being and bringing— and that's the word, bringing it. You're not just experiencing it. You decide to have intentions and you bring it. You're at a 6 or 7. You're like, damn, I'm only bringing a 6. Whew, I gotta bring more. I gotta bring depth. I gotta bring openness to this conversation. That's it. It's a simple one. Go out there and do it. Plan it, have intentions, feel it, and bring it. That's it for today. I hope you enjoyed. If you did, please share this with someone that needs to hear it. Let me know your favorite takeaway, your favorite tool in this episode. With a comment. Please rate the show too, that's really helping, and leave a review what you think. I want to know. Now get out there and direct your life. Thank you.
