45. The Ordinary World Trap (and How to Escape It)

And I would get bitter sometimes. And instead of directing my own life, I would let bitterness direct my life. And that's no way to live. So, if you're on that cusp of disgust, as I used to call it, you can get out of it. Just look around and say, hey, this is where I am. You know? I don't have to get down on myself. I just have to be aware. My wife says this intro sounds like a conspiracy mystery. So, I'll stop that voice and tell you, this show is for you. you to get you on the track you want for your life. I'm going to share encouraging educational content, hopefully entertaining, that will help you direct your life. Welcome back to another episode. I'm Tony Suriano, and this is Direct Your Life. If you're new here, this podcast is all about learning how to make your life better than any movie. It's to get back in alignment with what truly matters to you and find some tools and tips and strategies that you can borrow, try out, implement, and see what works for you. Not everything I say is going to help you, but I hope that something in here does. The last couple episodes are part of a series of 15, so check those out if you haven't. The first one was called Opening Image. Second one was called Finding Your Theme or something like that. And this one is about understanding your world. This all comes together because it's about your hero's journey. And when you start your hero's journey— that's what we call it in story and filmmaking and scriptwriting, but we're applying this to your life. So when you start out as the hero, You are in your ordinary world, and that just means you haven't taken the call. That's what we refer it to, the inciting incident, the thing that gets you going, the scary goal you're going after, that new relationship you committed to, whatever it is for you. You need to understand your ordinary world and understand that there's more out there. There's a new world for you, and that's what we're gonna talk about today. And I'm also going to share an excerpt from my new book, Direct Your Life or Someone Else Will. And this is chapter 3. We'll talk about how to not get stuck in your ordinary world. So stick around. I'm going to share that momentarily. But first off, how do you understand your world? It sounds pretty simple. Like, yeah, I'm just living here. You know, I have a job, I have a girlfriend, or I have a wife, and you know, we're just going with emotions. But that's not a life. You don't want to just go with the motions. And if you want to step into the hero role that you deserve to be in, which I call the director, you need to assess. You need to audit your world and audit which roles you're currently playing. So number one, let's talk about your surroundings. How is your Physical environment, like I'm talking your house, your car. Is it a wreck or is it orderly? Because if you're pretty organized, your mind is better and your thoughts are cleaner and clearer. So make sure you're not living in a mess like I used to when I was in my late teens. I was like a rock star that didn't do the drugs. It was a crazy disaster space. Now sometimes. I wrote some cool songs, but a lot of it was a bit of a— I don't want to say disaster, but I think mess is the perfect word. It was a bit of a mess. And once I started to realize that, hey, when I make my bed, it kind of cleans the clutter in my head, especially when I clear my desk. Those simple things really pay off. And the bed thing is important because when you come home after a long day or a stressful day, you have one thing that's ready for you. But if we're talking about understanding your ordinary world now, it's truly about awareness. So you need to be brutally honest and ask yourself, who's in your life? Who's in your life? What role do they play? What role are you playing? Are they supportive? Are they just temporary friends? And what is your life right now? If your life was a movie and the camera pointed to you at the very beginning, what would it look like? And you have to just have the truth and stare in the mirror and say, hey, I'm not where I want to be. Or I'm doing pretty good, but I know there's another level and dang it, I'm gonna go after it. Because when you're growing, you're feeling progress and you're just happier and you're more of a pleasure to be around. I know that for me, when I stop learning and stop growing periodically, maybe I get a little lazy or something, or I'm depressed. Guess what? People around it feel it. And then you're the wet blanket. We don't wanna be the wet blanket. We wanna be the life of the party, the energy of the room. So. Let's go deeper into this. What is your ordinary world? Is it inspiring or is it conspiring? Is it helping you or is it hurting you? We really have to think about this and not just say, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. Because if you're not writing it down or voice recording it, doing something that you have to review, or you can review later, you're not doing justice. So one mini challenge is to just journal about this. Where are you right now? Who's in your world? And is your world fun? Because that is a great word. We are here to have fun, to also be responsible, but to encourage and inspire and help and just live in peace and bliss as often as possible. I know we have the crazy days. Trust me, I think every day I have like a crazy hour, but the trick is to get out of it and, and really consider that that new world's always waiting for you. And it's in different periods of your life. It's in different categories of your life, personal, business, professional. In your career, there are so many new doors and new opportunities to step through, but You have to know where you are really to know where you want to get going. Now, before we go into this excerpt of my book that can help you not get stuck in the ordinary world and help you find the new world, let's really quickly audit your roles and what they could be or could not be. So a lot of people play the role of an extra. And I'm using these film metaphors just for memory's sake. And it's fun because I'm a filmmaker. I direct films and I love cameras and I'm just all immersed in it. I have been for the last 25 years. So think about it this way. If you're an extra in a film, you're just walking by in the background. You're often out of focus. The spotlight's not on you. There's nothing really amazing. There's no— big feelings. It's just kind of filler. And in filmmaking, I appreciate every background actor, every extra. I've been one myself over the years. You know, I paid my dues. But you're not meant to be stuck there. Sometimes in the beginning, when you're an extra in a film, you get to observe and watch the stars. You get to watch the directors, the lighting guy, all these cool roles. And it's great. You suck it in and you You just embrace it. But if you stay there too long, you won't get out and you'll just accept that this is where I am. I'm a background character in my own movie. That doesn't sound good, right? If you have your own movie, it's yours. You own it. You can do whatever you want, but you're the background character out of focus. Why? It's okay to be a little selfish and, and Star in your own movie again, because you're going to have excitement and inspiration for others with your enthusiasm and your happiness and all that stuff. And listen, if you're feeling like, wow, I'm still listening to this guy Tony and my life is kind of annoying right now, he doesn't get it, he seems all energetic and he's probably having fun, and— No, no, no. I've known the background character. I was a super shy kid, into my teenagers, into my early 20s. And it sucked because I was just in my head all the time watching others enjoy, and I would get bitter sometimes. And instead of directing my own life, I would let bitterness direct my life, and that's no way to live. So if you're on that cusp of disgust, as I used to call it, you can get out of it. Just look around. And say, hey, this is where I am, you know, I don't have to get down on myself, I just have to be aware. Then after you see it as it is, not worse than it is, but as it is, the next trick is to see it better than it is and how it could transform. There is a new world out for you, a new world you can step into and become The hero of your own journey. And it gets fun. You find mentors, you go through all the ups and downs, and you learn from all the mistakes because the opposite of success isn't failure. The opposite of success is not trying. So all you need to do, take the call, go forward, get in the new world, and just try your best. And I know Yoda from Star Wars says, there's no try, there's only do. But if you truly try, you are doing. So let's just push. Let's have fun with it. Let's learn from the quote mistakes. Let's have failure be feedback. I hope that resonates with you. I hope that this actually triggers something. And maybe what I'm saying doesn't trigger something, but you just had a thought in your head about your own life that maybe today you can take action towards. And if that happened, then this Episode did justice. If it did, share this episode with someone that needs to hear it, please. I am trying to spread this message far and wide. I want everyone to live a life that's, like, better than any movie, really. I love filmmaking. I love watching movies, but I love my life more, and I want the same for you. And if you can, while we're on it, please rate the show on Spotify. Leave a review on Apple Podcasts. You just scroll all the way down on the Apple Podcasts and you'll see it. On Spotify, you have to hit the 3 ellipses and then it says rate it. It's kind of hidden. I digress. Let's move into those roles again. So after the extra, there's this role called stand-in. So on the set, you might know this, but there's the main actors and then there's the stand-in that will hang out on the set before the main actor comes out. And this purpose is to help— The extras. The lighting team and the camera and the director to kind of see what it's going to be like before the actor comes. Because when the actor comes on set, we want to make sure they're ready to rock. They don't want to be waiting around because they have a lot of lines in their head. They have to get in the character. So we let the stand-in take the time we need to perfect the scene, the look, and all that stuff. The movement of the camera, the movement of the actor. Now, being a stand-in, Is an upgrade from being an extra because you really get to observe. You're right there listening to the top filmmakers around you, and you're realizing, wow, this is what has to happen. Oh, that's a new thing. Oh, this is a new film term. And it's the same with life, whatever it is— business, relationships, anything. If you get to just be in the room with the inspiring people or people that are further along, you can observe more than looking through the glass as an extra. And this is where you can start thinking and having more dreams and thinking, you know, what if I did that? Or dang, I didn't know I wanted to be a cameraman, or I didn't know I wanted to be the main actor. I feel like I could do it. And in life, this is the same situation. Once you get in a room with great people, And you get to truly observe, you start having new ideas, new dreams, and you get inspired. But here's the thing, you can get stuck in the stand-in position too, because one, it pays well. You're in the room, you can help, you can do things, they need you. But maybe you're in that room too much and you don't have the time, or you don't make the time to go after the dream. To go after the hard goal, you're like, "I'm I'm pretty comfortable. Let me just let me just hit autopilot for a while, and I'll keep learning. Yeah, I'll keep learning." And then this is what happens: you get stuck in this mode of oh, I'll just I'm gonna just get another book. I'm gonna get another podcast. I'm gonna get another class, and then one day I'll be ready. Then I'll I'll do the thing I said I'm gonna do. And this is great. You want to be a Learner forever. I'm a lifelong learner. It's a cheesy phrase, but seriously, I get off learning. I love reading books. I read a book a week or I take a course a week, whatever it is I can get my hands on. But my rule is I need to pause and implement. I can't just consistently read the chapter, the chapter, the chapter, finish the book. I need to do some kind of pause. Take a note, share the story with someone I know, and just kind of have a conversation about it before I go back to it. So if you have any rule, I think that's the one you should have is learn, learn, learn, but implement and pause. Learn, learn, learn, implement and pause. Quick pause. If this resonated with you, I want to keep the conversation going so you can stay in alignment, get motivated, and implement what weekly with my free newsletter. Go to tonysuriano.com/newsletter. Real stories, mindset shifts, psychology, creative breakthroughs, all on directing your life. Go to tonysuriano.com/newsletter. And now back to the episode. Now, beyond the stand-in, you might have guessed it, the next role in this film metaphor is the actor. The respected actor, the star of the show. You can't have a great film or TV show without great actors. That's just the truth. And being an actor takes a lot of work. They are ambitious goals. You have to feel the scene, be the scene, memorize the lines, take direction well. You're Stepping into the spotlight, all eyes are on you. So it is a huge deal. And in life, when you're the actor, let's say you're now managing the company. You're the one everyone looks at to see how it's going, and it feels great. And you're making progress. You're progressing into a worthy ideal. Things are going good. Yeah, you have a little. depressing times if you didn't do the job great that week. But guess what? You're the manager, so you can get back on the horse and continue the journey. I think it's great. Just remember, there comes a point that there's something beyond the actor, because this is where it's crucial. The actor is reading other people's scripts. Which is, which is okay, especially in the progression beginning stage. They're reading other people's lines and they're making it better. That's what an actor does. They take the script, they make it even better, but it's still someone else's script. So think about with that, with life, you're working at a great company or you're in a relationship of some sort, but let's say you're The one giving everything to that other person's ideal or idea or goal. And it's great. You're helping them achieve it. You feel like you have a purpose. Things are going pretty well. But there's another level. And if you get stuck as an actor your whole life, if you don't step up and perhaps make your own content where you have a little more creative control about the scripts you're gonna— take in or develop yourself. You just get locked into this nice, comfy spotlight role where you're taken care of. And one after the other, you're just interpreting what everyone else wants and expressing it really well. And again, there's nothing wrong with it. But the question I'm trying to throw at you is, how long is too long? Will you stay in that position, whatever it is— extra, stand-in, actor? How long should you stay in that position? You can't be 100% satisfied, then move. You can't just say, oh, in 5 years, then I'll do it. It's not that simple. I think you need to test the waters. So if you're an actor, And you've been doing it, you've been pushing it, man, you're making some success. You know what? Try helping someone produce a little film. See how that is. See what excites you about that. So in life, if you are again the actor and, and maybe you're at a high level in your career, you're not owning the company, let's say it's a company, but you are right up there. You're pushing strong. Things have been going great. But what if there's another level? What could you do? Maybe you can create your own project for the company that you completely oversee. It's your original idea, and you gather others to help you complete it. And maybe you show it to the owner of the company, whatever that is. What happens when you do that is you step out of the actor role and then you step into the director role. You take the director's chair and you're calling action. Now, sure, you can play the part of an actor as well, but you're simultaneously being the director. And this is where everything changes. You actually are stepping into ownership. You are stepping into the next level. And now everything's on you. It's all on you. And that's a scary position to be in for a lot of people. And that's why they'll get stuck in these previous roles, extra, stand-in, or actor, because they're like, I don't want to be in charge of everything. What if it fails? Then everyone's going to blame me. At least if I did a great acting job, but the direction and the camera guys sucked, it's okay, because I mean, I did my job. I'm a good actor. But you're here not to just do a good job even when everyone else sucks. You're here to test your limits. And it's fun because you're actually pushing your limits. You're testing out new waters, you're stepping into new worlds, and it's not going to be perfect and pretty all the time, but you're going to go around and collect what we call in the scriptwriting world, the story world, the boon, which is just another word for treasure. And that treasure could be, yes, materialistic sometimes, but Really, it's the experiences and the stories and the feelings that you take from this new world. And then sometimes you go back to the old world and you share that gift with everyone. And that old world now transforms and everything's just better and better and more interesting and more fulfilling. And that's what it's about. We don't wanna be stuck 'cause you're either growing or you're dying. Isn't that true? I think everyone can agree on that. You're either growing forward or you're dying. I think you get the idea here. And if we can all agree that you're either growing and testing and challenging, or you're doing the opposite, then that's all we need to focus on. Because growing after the next thing isn't about collecting more accolades. It's about just expanding yourself and seeing what that next level is like and what you can pull from it and share to others. Because I know every single person listening, you love to share. If you saw a really great film, what's the first thing you want to do? You want to tell your friends about it. You want to share what you felt. Oh, it scared me, or it was funny, or whatever it may be. So that's a really great why to expand. You wanna ask yourself, why do I really wanna go for the next level? Why do I wanna try this new ownership thing? Why do I wanna direct my life instead of just being an actor or a stand-in or an extra? It's because you're gonna create new experiences and stories and share 'em, and that's fun. It's exciting. So I urge you to do it. Step into the role you were meant to play, which is the director of your life. Now moving on, I wanna share an excerpt of chapter 3 in my book. It's technically called Beat 3, but for reference, it's chapter 3. And this is coming out soon, hopefully the end of this year, 2025, definitely early 2026. So if you wanna get notified and be in the loop, go to tonysuriano.com/directyourlife. And you'll see a way to sign up for notifications. You'll see all this other good stuff that's coming. So go there, check it out. And now for the excerpt. The director who you deserve to be. The visionary who leads with purpose and never waits for permission. Their story followed passions, pursued goals with relentless focus. Completed dozens of significant projects, always aiming for the moon. Committed to continuous growth and learning. Balances career and relationships without losing sight of priorities. Confident, resourceful, and willing to ask for help. Shapes the world to match their vision instead of waiting around. Creates action that inspires. Owns mistakes and course-corrects with humility. Theme: Life is a living, breathing film— sometimes comedy, sometimes drama— and you're either in the audience or directing the scene. The Script That Keeps You Stuck. Here's a framework designed to jolt you awake so you don't end up like Benny Bing. Starring in the wrong genre. O-R-D-I-N-A-R-Y. Ordinary. The script of a stagnant life. Most acronyms are designed to help you remember what you want to be, do, or have. Most acronyms are designed to help you remember what to pursue. This one is the opposite. It represents everything you should avoid so you don't end up stuck in the ordinary world. Picture the movie nobody wants to watch. O, ordinary. The protagonist has no defining characteristics or passion. R, redundant. Same scenes repeat With no character development. Dreadful. Audience checks their phones every 5 minutes. Irrelevant. The story doesn't matter to anyone, including the main character. Numb. No emotional stakes, no reason to care. Artificial. Everything feels fake, like bad acting. Reluctant. The hero refuses every call to adventure. Yawn-inducing. Even the soundtrack falls asleep. It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me. Bruce Wayne, The Dark Knight. Audit your life. Who's on set and what's in the frame? A director is responsible for everything that shows up on set and what makes it into the frame. Most people, even the ones who look like they have their shit together, let life just happen to them. Days blur into years, and suddenly they're asking, what even happened to this last decade? Tony Robbins, world-renowned results coach, says success in life is 80% psychology and 20% skill. I've trained with Tony twice at his Unleash the Power Within events, and his psychology-first approach transformed how I see personal growth. And I didn't just join because he has a cool name. He doesn't have theories, he has tested results. That means in order to change your life into the Academy Award-winning film you envision, you need to examine your mindset. Check your BS— belief system. A belief is something you repeat until it becomes conviction. Transformation begins when your actions align with the person you're evolving into. When that alignment clicks, it seeps all the way into your biochemistry. This isn't just about setting goals, it's about rewiring your very essence. And once you do that, everything else falls into place. Okay, that was just a short excerpt How to not get stuck in the ordinary world and to just not be boring. I hope you enjoyed that and this episode. I really am excited for this book to come out. So I, again, please go to tonysuriano.com/directyourlife to be notified when it drops. And the challenge for you today, and it is a challenge cuz people, they're afraid of journaling for some reason. They don't wanna look themselves in the mirror. Yeah. The challenge today is to just journal about your current world, your ordinary world. Where are you and what role do you play? So audit your world, assess the roles, do all that good stuff we just talked about. And remember, journaling can help lower stress levels. It could help with awareness. It is one of the best, easiest, and simplest and free tools you can use to expand yourself and to just stay on the growing And implementation journey, your hero's journey. And that's a wrap on this episode. I hope you enjoyed it. Please share it with people that need to hear it. Rate the show, review the show. But I really wanted to just thank you personally right now for being here and getting this far in the episode and being a person that wants to expand and grow and share, cuz that's what it's about. Even when it's hard, even when your life, quote, sucks, even when things are not going where you want them. It's up to us. It's our job to try to just be a better us. So be a better you. I'll be a better me. Let's do it together. Thanks again, and get out there and direct your life.