5. Relationships = Your Future

My wife says this intro sounds like a conspiracy mystery. So I'll stop that voice and tell you this show is for you to get you on the track you want for your life. I'm going to share encouraging educational content, hopefully entertaining, that will help you direct your life. Welcome to the show. I'm excited about this topic because it's something I've been working on for my whole life and will continue To work on my whole life. And if you're anything like me, the word relationship is a serious word. And the question I have to you is, how are your relationships? Because Tony Robbins says this all the time, and I love it. He says, the quality of your relationships is the quality of your life. And I believe that. And I believe you need confidence to work on those relationships too. And I need you to have self-belief that you deserve good relationships, because if you're here, you do know that you are who you surround yourself with, and it kind of meets your standards. So if you're surrounding yourself with people that are at a lower standard for you— and I don't mean that in a negative way, I just mean you have big dreams about researching and reading books all the time. That's what I love to do. But then I start hanging out with people that don't like to read and just kind of scoff at books and people that read and they don't like libraries, I'm probably gonna not get into researching and reading like I do all the time. It's probably why I spend a lot of time alone. No, I do and I don't. I'm an introvert and an extrovert, kind of 50/50. But I digress. So that's the theme of this episode, and I wanted to share a short story about how a tough decision I had to make helped me and empowered me and Actually led me to some love. So back in 2017, this is a year of many things. I shared something in the other episode about 2017, but this is different. I made the decision to leave the U.S. for six months and live in Asia, and it was amazing. I went alone. I didn't know anyone where I went, and I ended up in the Philippines. I developed some cool relationships with some cool people. I learned the language. I had fun. I met who is now my wife, Karen Suriano, and it was a glorious time. I had a house on the beach. I was writing and just doing everything I wanted. I was directing my own life. How? Well, previous to that, about 3 to 4 years Prior, I was starting to have a falling out with one of my old friends from high school. If you're listening, man, I still love you. And now we're good. But there was just a time that we weren't good for each other. We just weren't good to hang out with each other. We did some projects together, they fell out. And at the time, my friend was just having a negative— Weird thing with me, and it felt like he thought I was I was a problem for him. And I felt that he was just hanging on to old resentments, and he didn't really see I've changed and I've worked on my relationships and I've worked on my communication. I've tried to be a better me. I've tried to be less negative. I used to be kind of negative. Pessimist. And I shifted. I said, you know what, if I could choose, let me, let me be more positive because then I act in positive ways and I feel better. That's what we want to do. So what happened? We were finishing a project and it was the last project I ever will work on him— work— it was the last project I ever worked on with him. And I said that phrase a few times, but it truly was the last one. And it just didn't work out well. And I decided with all the drama that was going on, I was like, I don't want to ruin the relationship, the fun part of the relationship that we have on this project, on projects like these. It was a film project. And I said, you know, I'm leaving the country and I'm just gonna put this friend on a mini vacation. I'm not gonna see him or talk to him for a while because I need to get my stuff straight. I need to surround myself with people that are uplifting and helping me and supporting me and not trying to bring me down or make me feel bad for learning or getting smarter. You know, trying to get smarter by reading and just personal development and all that stuff. So I didn't speak with him for several years. And a lot happened when I was in the Philippines, like I mentioned. And the reason I tell you this is is if I didn't separate from him for a while so he can kind of find himself and I could find myself better, I maybe wouldn't have left the country and, uh, experienced one of the best times in traveling I've had. And that changed my whole outlook, just traveling into a new country. And I stayed for 6 months, I went back to America, I came back to the Philippines for 9 months Sorry, for 3 months. So in total, it was around 9. Went to Thailand, Singapore. I just had this new experience and I feel like I would've missed out. So I directed my life by looking around and saying, who's with me? Who's seen that movie Jerry Maguire? He's like, who's coming with me? I only want the people to come with me that are in a good attitude, that can talk without Hating on each other, so I did that, and I started to really be specific about protecting my circle of relationships. Now, you might relate. Have you ever had a family member where you can't cut off? But man, it feels like they bring you down, or they don't want to. They don't want to see you get out of the the bucket. There's an analogy about crabs. You put them all in the bucket. One crab tries to get. out and they get to the top, the other crab pulls them back in. And it's not because they're vindictive. It's not because they're bad people. It's because they don't want to lose you. It's fear of loss. And with relationships, there could be fear of loss, there could be fear of outcome, and there could be fear of the processing of a relationship. Have you ever been in a relationship and you have an argument Or you avoid the argument because of the process. It's because we often fear the process, but we should not fear it because if you have that growth mindset, you'll learn from it and you'll get better. And I've just learned all these things. I'm still working on them. I still bite my tongue often because I have a mouth on me and it gets a little crazy sometimes. But I, I really practice catching myself. I practice admitting when I'm wrong, correcting it when I Realize it and apologizing when you know when there's a necessary apology, and this helps navigate my life because when I do those things, I just feel a weight off my shoulder, and in and in that moment, I can focus on the things that matter. So think about that. Where are you with your relationships? Who's around you? Who supports you? And if you don't have people that support you, I encourage you. To figure out a way. There's so many ways. Online, there's meetup groups, in person, even better. Just go out your comfort zone, get out of the comfort zone, say hello. I used to be the shyest kid I knew. I couldn't look my grandmother in the eyes. I was super shy until my late teens. I started to break out and then I was like, okay, I'm on a journey. I'm gonna gain confidence 'cause I know I'll feel better with confidence. I know I can obtain more. I know I can develop my relationships more with confidence. And if you're a little shy, it's time. Now is the time. You can't wait. Why are you gonna wait more years doing nothing? Then you're gonna look back and say, I wish I started then. The best time to start is today. And the second best time is— no, the first. Okay, wait. The first best time to start is yesterday. The second best time is to start today. So please do yourself a favor and assess who's around you. Now, I have a book recommendation. When I first started to work on my communication skills and friendship skills— I know that's a funny thing to say, friendship skills. I mean, it's social skills, but really friendship building is a thing. There's a book by Dale Carnegie. It's called How to Win Friends and Influence People. And when I read that, I just opened up. I was like, oh my gosh, this is how you need to deal with life and the people in your life. And it helped me so much. I developed deeper relationships with friends and significant others. And then I also got out of 2 cop tickets. So you got to read this book if you haven't already. And the second thing I wanted to ask you To think about is how could you add value to the people that are already around you that maybe inspire you? Because it's a back and forth thing. It's reciprocity. It's important to understand it's not just, oh, this is my circle, they're here to support me. We really need to check in with each other. And I try to do this, and sometimes certain people don't like me saying this, but I say, hey, how are your goals going? Like, what's going on for this next year or this next couple months? And that's a scary question to some people, but I'm practicing saying it in a way where they're going to open up because it's all about the communication and the way you deliver, right? And the tone. Sometimes people think I'm like attacking them because I'm so energetic. I'm like, what's going on? What do you have in the calendar? So having said that, who's in your group? Are they supportive? Are they giving you love? And Are you feeling inspired to be around them? And if you're not, find that group. Get out of your comfort zone, and you can ask other people to help you. Don't be afraid to ask others that you kind of know to help you find your tribe, your new group. That's it. This is the episode, and I just want to leave you with one thing. I like questions. Questions Of quality really matters. So who should you spend more time with? Who are you spending your time with? That's it. You know the phrase, life is magic, so are you. And I want you to now go and direct your life. Hey again, it's me, Tony. I hope you enjoyed the free show and I hope it served you. And if it did, please do me a little favor and give it a review, a like, and most importantly, share it with that someone that needs to hear the message today. Because being the director of your own life involves contribution. So give it back and help others create their vision, break through their barriers, and find their magic too. And lastly, don't forget to check out my free weekly newsletter at tonysuriano.com. That's S-U-R-I-A-N-O. This is where I share exclusive tips, behind-the-scenes insights, and the kind of content I don't post anywhere else. If you're serious about leveling up and staying inspired, connecting with me, that's the place to be. Thank you once again. Now get out there and direct your life, or I'mma get ya. Or I'mma get ya.