The Battle Beneath the Behavior

Hey, this is Tim, and welcome to the Student Life Podcast, where we explore the everyday challenges and big questions of life through a biblical lens while navigating the realities of a secular world. Enjoy. Yo, what up, family? So I'm not gonna waste any time, we're gonna get straight into this one. I'm actually dropping this, uh, I'm actually re-recording the intro. This was supposed to drop the first Thursday of August, and I was able to preach the sermon today as of July 19th. The Holy Spirit shifted me and was like, man, I want you to preach this, teach on this. And I was wrestling with it like in the first 10 minutes of the message, and then I just— Holy Spirit, we found our flow together, and man, the rest is history. Um, so if you, uh, listen to this and you were at church as of July 19th You pretty much know it. I personally think I was able to kind of pace myself a little bit more on the podcast, but at the same time, like I said, about a 10 to 15 minute wrestling match, and I surrendered, shut my laptop down, went away, and was like, man, this word is in my heart, and just, you know, taught that thing in the best of my ability, of course, with the power and working of the Holy Spirit. So I will have something new for you the 1st of August. You all have gotten 3 episodes with— for me— from me, even a bonus one. So man, I hope you enjoy. We're going to get right into the conversation. Be blessed, and I need you to lock in with this one for sure. Love you all. Back and forth. I'm gonna go ahead and tell you, I thought about a few names. I even had to put it in chat. I had to put my, like, my bulletin points in chat, and then I just kind of like chatting, like, you know, whatever, just talking, like, and it gave me a few different options, but I'm stuck on The Battle Beneath the Behavior. The Battle Beneath the Behavior. Yeah, we're going somewhere today, and it might be simple to you, but, uh, I gave you all the bonus about 2 weeks ago, right? 2, 3 weeks ago. And then I dropped the AI episode, and now we're back kind of in our regular scheduled programming. So, uh, yeah, let's, let's go. And we, uh, I don't think I have any bonus content unless something come up, uh, next time you hear me in September, and we'll go from there. Yeah, so the battle beneath the behavior. Um, and why, why do I like this? Because it— I think it tells us that, uh, it's merely— let me, let me say this— I think it tells you all as well as myself that this isn't merely about— I'm trying to say— this behavior is about a deeper war of sanctification. Yeah, I like that. It's about a deeper war of sanctification versus behavior modification. And so one of the, the lens— and I like to do this when I'm teaching and preaching sometimes, if not most of the time, uh, kind of like the lens that I'm asking you to see this through— is that the deepest battles in the Christian life are rarely solved again by behavior modification alone. We have to understand that God is after our hearts, not just our habits. He is after our heart, not just our habits. Because we can focus so much on our habits and never fully surrender our hearts to God, but it is impossible to surrender our heart and consistently surrender our heart and our habit— he not, uh, have influence or lordship over our habits. I'm not saying it's not going to be some struggles and some wrestles, because listen, I've told y'all many times, when my wife was deployed— I'll just keep it like this— and she left, my body just didn't say, oh well, I'mma submit and turn it off. My flesh just ain't say that, like, until she gets back, until you see her. No, I had some really, really rough nights, some very rough nights, man. Um, but I know God is able. And so, uh, I've been— I've traveled, not a lot, but I've had to travel without my wife far away, and I hate it. You know, we have 3 kids and sometimes it doesn't work out, or sometimes our schedule conflicts. But for the most part, I'll say about 90% of the time, we, we strive to do that. And the point that I'm making is that it's not even just always about the sexual stuff, man. It's, it's like, um, I really love my wife. I love spending time with her. I love my kids. I love my community. Uh, I really love engaging with people, um, helping, growing from people, and all of that. So anywho, um, Let me stay on track. But anywho, like, we just got to remember— we have to remember that the deepest, the deepest battles in the Christian life, true Christianity, are rarely solved by behavior modification alone. God is after our hearts. Jesus loves you. He loves you, and through the power of the Holy Spirit, he desires to work through you, not just try to modify your habits. So one of the things that we have to look at— I, I wrote on pornography, uh, online, and I wanted to be up in front about it because I studied this, um, a while back, especially when my wife was getting ready to deploy and a few other things. And I didn't want to just— so I wrote about that, but I want you to think about pornography, whether it's anger, bitterness, gossip, greed, control, addiction, impatient, something that just really like, just like, man, you know what, Tim Pratt Jr., bro, this is a really, really strong habit for me. Ah, bro, this one right here, man, we— God and I might go all the way until I get my glorified body. Like, that's how honest and brutal I want you to be. And about that thing, because I, um, yeah, I'm not— because I want to quote this lady But I want to ask you a question truthfully, and this is not a judgment through a judgmental lens or a guilt lens, so please don't go down there. But do you love that more than you love Jesus? That could be the whole episode right there, but it's not. But do you— myself, do I love that more than I love Jesus? Okay, don't answer it, just pause and think about it and then come back to it later. Okay, so what are we doing? So one of what, to me, one of the most discouraging experiences for sincere believers, sincere Christians— and this is me, I'm just going to be raw with you today— is wanting to change while feeling trapped in the same struggle. Like, man, I so bad want to stop this. Assis, I so bad want to stop this, but I just— it just seems to keep revisiting me. It seems like my brain has already made the decision for me, and I'm taking the thought captive, and it just keep coming back. And many people— like, this is the danger sometimes of— I'm not saying God— like, God can remove the desire, and it's certain things he can do instantly. But we gotta, like, don't get me wrong, like the desire versus the habitual pattern and all of that. But this is where we have to be careful with calling people up sometimes, and then they have to go right back into the same dysfunctional things. I think it was Michael Todd to say, God saved your soul but not your flesh. God saved you, saved, you know, whatever, something like that, but not your habits and your humanity. Okay, it's not that humanity is inherently evil. You know, we live in the flesh, desire is the works of the flesh. Because if it was just our body per se, I mean, our body was— if it was just our body being evil, then Jesus would be no sin. So the body, I mean, like, the body is— the body is neutral. But you have this flesh nature and you have the Holy Spirit, the soul, this tripartite being. So, um, so again, many immediately assume that they're still— because they're still struggling, they must not love Jesus enough, or they don't have enough faith. That's another thing you hear, well, you just need more faith. But I wanna challenge us today if I can. And I'm not a licensed therapist, but I've read enough books and talked to two of, well, I talked to more than two of them, and I've fleshed some things out with them. And even some of them, you know, kind of disagree. But I do believe for the most part, through the grace of God in prayer, that I have a pretty decent handle on this today, if not a good handle. So I want to say that I believe scripture paints a more honest picture. I believe scripture paints a more nuanced picture. And what I mean by that is that the Christian life, a life, the life of a believer is a real battle. It is. And many of us, we, we have like these outward behaviors, um, that typically that'll show up and we think we have a good handle on them, but they're connected to deeper patterns of the heart. And so, so what tends to take place is our hearts and our— and the ways we learn to cope with pain, it becomes more and more dangerous. Like, think about it, we learn coping mechanisms, behavior modification versus how to consistently surrender. And this is the thing that we have to understand: every Christian struggles with something. All of us. It's all inclusive. We all struggle with something. Wanting change isn't always enough. Just a desire, like, man, I deeply, Tim— like, I hear you, bro. I hear you, sis. I, Tim— I— but you don't understand, I deeply want to change. But we have to be careful not to confuse struggle with surrender. We have to be very careful not to confuse that, those two, because again, God, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, he deals more— I know I sound redundant, but this, this, like, I look, I've told you, I've been, I've been working on this layer thing. But let me, like, let me not laugh and soften the blow because I really want, I want us to sit with this. So Lord, thank you for the conviction. But God deals with more than just behavior. We said it. He wants more than just behavior modification. He wants more than just our habits changing. He wants to deal with the whole man. He wants surrender. He wants the totality of us to say yes. And that's the thing that we have to lean into it. That's where this tension— and we can go to Romans 7 and 8, and I know a lot of people go to that, but I'm talking about really sitting with that passage description and doing some, some work with it. So again, when I wrote on pornography, that's just one example, but it isn't the only example. Because you can say, well, I don't struggle with pornography, but what is your struggle? What is your struggle? Because some people, they run to lust, others run to anger, some run to work, some run to like they're controlling and don't want to admit it, they run to food, gluttony. Come on, we don't talk about that. I'm gonna quote Bishop Webb. Come on, somebody. Isolation. I want to be away from everybody and just get in there and just, just no community. Like they say, well, I don't need the local church, I don't need to need the community, I only— okay, I remember this guy, man. Oh, what was his name? He, he was, uh, he's a pastor that I watch a lot out of New Mexico. Um, he used to say, man, can you be 'Can you be a soldier?' Uh, dang, what was it, man? What was it? 'Can you—' I forgot, man. I can't even remember. I'm just like, 'Can you—' He was like, 'Can you be a Christian without community?' And he was like, 'Yes, but you won't be an effective one.' And so essentially he was talking about a soldier. What's, what's a soldier without the army? Can you be a soldier without something? I'm butchering it, but it was something like team dynamic too. Where he was like, can you be a football player without necessarily, you know, something being connected to the team? It's like, yeah, you can be a football player and not be on the team. There's plenty of them out there, they're free agents, but you won't be an effective one if you go take that field again. Go, you're a football player, if you go against an opposing team and it's just you, you won't be that effective. But with your team, you probably have chances, you'll be a lot more effective. And so I know I just butchered that one too long, but anywho, you get the point. I, I just don't believe we are as effective as we think we are. Yes, we have the Holy Spirit, but we're not as effective as we think we are without community, without safe spaces. And so again, we, we need to understand that. And some of us run to isolation, or here it is, approval. Yes man, yes women, people pleasing. I'm telling you right now, you can't be a people pleaser and please God at the same time. I'm not just telling you to walk around, just start telling people intentionally no, like, but also too, don't just be saying yes and harvest the conflict within your body, and then let alone harvest the conflict between you and Christ. Race. Like, we have to stop this. So different behaviors often serve similar purposes. At the end of the day, they become ways of escaping pain or managing our emotions— hear me— apart from God. So the behavior— help me, Holy Spirit— the behavior matters because sin matters. We live in a fallen world. But if we only try to deal with the behavior, if we only continue with the behavior without understanding What feeds it? Sin. This heart posture that does not want to be in line with Christ, especially when we in the flesh. When we are not walking in the Spirit, we are in our— we are subject to walking in the flesh, fulfilling the lust of the flesh, I should say. It's dangerous. So again, but if we only fight behavior without understanding what feeds it Here it is. We often stay trapped in the same cycle. Not a season, it's a cycle. It's a cycle. Seasons change. Seasons come and go. Cycles change when you do. Cycles change when I do. And through the power of the Holy Spirit and community, it's possible. So again, porn is the— just only the example. All of us, everyone has them. Everyone has a pattern. Let's not downplay sin. Like, we, like, we swung the pendulum all the way to the other end, to hyper grace. It's like, oh man, you keep preaching about sin, stop preaching about sin. And we just went, oh, now look at it, just sinning everywhere, you know? Like, in all seriousness, like, but no, for real though, man, we, we, I know we need holiness is still right, surrendering is still right, sanctification is still right. Like, it is work taking up our cross is still right. The instru— last time I checked the record, those were still the instructions. Not a suggestion, not, hey Tim, you know, and when you feel like it, take up— no. If any man follow me, first let him deny himself and then take up his cross. First let him deny himself. My dad calls it dying to yourself. Pretty much the same thing. We have to learn how to die to ourself. And the last time I studied what a crucifixion is and taking up our cross, it wasn't pretty. I'm not saying we should hate ourselves. We got to be careful with that because there's some people out here to go too far left, or too far right, I should say. And it's just like, oh Jesus, I hate— no, he didn't tell us to hate ourselves. He said die to it. Love him, become more like him. And the more I become like Christ, the more I become like Christ, I love it. The more myself becomes like Christ, I love it. So what, what is the tension? What is the— what is the tension, Tim? Okay, once we ask, like, okay, we start exploring why do we keep revisiting this behavior. Just sit with it. Let's not just stop at the surface, because some Christians, like, they create like this— these false choices. We either explain everything like, you know, everything is spiritual, everything is physiological. But scripture doesn't force us to choose. A lot of times we have to hold it in tension. It's because it's wholeness, dealing with the whole man. So the Bible teaches us, when we look all through the scripture from Genesis, especially to the end of the Old Testament, and of course Jesus, the perfect example, but even after Jesus left, it was still some struggles. He was the per— he was only perfect. He was the only perfect being, the only perfect human, fully God, fully man. But the Bible teaches why humanity struggles with sin and how God redeemed us through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. So the psychology and neuroscience of it— I'm not— this is an area I'm just kind of quoting deep research now, but the psychology and neuroscience can actually help us. Like, it can help us understand how habits are formed how trauma affect us. Like, my wife, she studies this area, or why certain patterns become deeply ingrained. Again, the, the— like, I don't, I don't personally think these are competing explanations. I don't. They just answer different questions. But this is why I love biblical therapists and biblical counselors that understand both worlds. Like, I, I really don't believe for the most part scripture and science are enemies. I just think that again, it's just different questions, and we should stop trying to flatten one over the other, man. That's why we over-index. But really, truthfully, it's just people that are— we just have been unlearned for a long time. I'm not saying like, oh, just all this therapy, y'all. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not getting into that. I'm not, because it is some people that have made therapy they God, and they can't do nothing apart from talking to their counselor. That's not what I'm saying. Again, like, that's not— I just think a true biblical counseling therapist, you know, sometimes if we need medicine, helps our heart, helps our posture become conducive for healing, to be open, to receive, to grow. And then some stuff, it might just be a wrestle because, again, we live in a fallen world. And I— that's, that's just something that I won't touch. I don't understand it enough. Like, you might say, well, man, what if What if, what if my cousin is kind of like, they mind just gone and it can never come back without medication, and but they never really accepted? Like, I, I believe that they will have a moment somehow, some way, even if they can't talk, like whatever that's going on. I just believe somehow, some way they will be presented the gospel, that the posture they can receive and accept Christ as Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, in their heart? I do. That's a— man, but yeah, I do. I just believe it. And, um, I know some people going through that, and they might be something— man, I just— I don't— man, listen, I believe it. I do. Um, I don't know, man, that one kind of hit me because I, I've seen patients like people that are like really like no vocal ability, like a vegetable, and you just— and it's like, but man, like I do believe they can believe in their heart. Like, whatever they mind, I just, I just believe by faith that they can. God is sovereign, man. That's not our place. I'll leave it at that. Um, but yeah, so one, so one of the reasons, um, um, thank you, Holy Spirit, man. Oh Jesus, let me move on. Uh, so like truth, but truth welcomes truth. So, so one of the reasons I believe repeated sins like feels so defeating, uh, and I'm going to speak from some personal experiences, because it often becomes, um, cynical. And what I mean by that, I hope I'm using the right word, it's like this, this cycle usually begins long before the behavior itself, especially in pornography, but a lot of other stuff. But the stress builds up and we don't have healthy rhythms and mechanisms in place. Loneliness, anxiety, rejection, temptation, giving in, shame, like all of that type of stuff. Hiding, again, isolation, relief, repeat, uh, irritable. No, um, what is it? Lord help me. No margin. That no margin is dangerous, man. How are you existing, living a life when even Jesus practiced margin in his humanity, but we won't? And I always come back to, I guess we just think we better than Jesus. I don't know. But again, like, what, what, what if the greatest battle isn't the behavior? What if the greatest battle is just hiding? And I'm gonna say that again. What? Because let's go back to, uh, Adam and Eve. Where are you? Okay, and a lot of us are still hiding today because we don't want to face and come clean. Now we want to blame— it's this woman you gave me. Well, no, it's the stress. Well, if I wasn't lonely, uh, I mean, they wouldn't have said this to me. I want to hide behind all of this stuff. Instead of just taking responsibility and say, hey God, here I am. I'm in— I'm— I did something that I wasn't supposed to do, and here I am, fully naked before you. Here I am. I don't want to hide anymore. I love— I look like I need you. I want you. I am here. Here it is. I want to bring it to the light. Because we would never be able to exercise authority over something that we are consistently entertained by or something that we want to deeply hide behind. So what if the greatest battle isn't the behavior or the habits per se, but it's that we're hiding? What if it's because now we have the language of it? We have the language so we know how to say it and talk about it. And because I talk about and I say things like, oh, you know, it's me, I start with me, I gotta start with myself, I don't play, all this type of stuff. No, no, no, stop hiding. Bring to the light, cuz that might be the— that might be the greatest battle right there. And just saying, hey Lord, I'm here, I need a desire, I want to get better. It's nobody else's fault, it is me. Because everything that you was tempted with on this side of the earth, and your humanity being fully God and fully man, you didn't fold, you didn't yield, you lived a sinless life. So I know that I am able through the power of the Holy Spirit. So I want to stop hiding. So that's, that's something, man, that we have to think about. And so as we, as we navigate through scripture and all this type of stuff, as we move through it, you know, healing consistently moves towards the light. Um, God doesn't— I apologize, I don't know, my kids must have turned on something— but God doesn't shame people into transformation. He doesn't. He invites confession, repentance, prayer, accountability, and a life with his— within his people. He does. I mean, this is why we have to understand when we think about James, uh, James 5:16, like it— that scripture, it reminds us, it reminds us of itself that healing isn't designed to happen in isolation. It's to happen within community. Again, here it goes, is bringing it to the light. Confession, repentance, prayer, accountability, community. Sometimes, man, another thing we have to look at is that yes, the vertical— oh, you hear me say this all the time— the vertical is important, but God also works horizontally. And sometimes when you just confess to people, you know, of course, that God directs us to, that we see signs of maturity, they can handle all that type of stuff. But confess it with somebody that has skin on. Like, seriously, because we need help, man. We, we really need help. And so I just believe, man, in like the context of this, um, I know this is weighty, um, is that sometimes God, like in my experience, use multiple means of grace in the same person's life. So what I mean by that, you— we have his word, we have prayer, we have the Holy Spirit, we have the local church, we have biblical counseling, biblical therapy, uh, trusted mature believers that have proven themselves. It's not that they're perfect, but they're trusted and they're mature. And again, sometimes a qualified Christian or biblical counselors. None of these people replace Christ. None of them. Again, you've heard me say this: one plant, one waters, but it's God that bring forth the increase. So we— they all play a role. Ultimately, through the power and working of the Holy Spirit, they can all become instruments that Christ uses to help conform us to his image. I believe that is the most balanced biblical way to look at this thing. Means of grace, no competition. None of that. It's, it's the whole man. Your pastor can be one of them, but don't always run to your pastor. We need to do better with knowing how to mature. We need more people to mature in the things of God. I'm not saying you can't inform the pastor, but we need more people to step up because one man and one woman can't counsel and be the only leading mature on everything with everybody in the local church. You can take 25 people and it's impossible, especially if they got a family. So that's, that's what we have to think about. And, um, so I would just say, um, as, as we come to a conclusion of this, is that the goal of Christianity, in my opinion— you might not like that word goal— isn't merely to just stop sinning in one area. It is to become like Christ in all areas of life. So whether it's freedom from pornography or anything else— anger that you consistently deal with, whatever those works of the flesh are in your life— freedom from it matters because holiness matters, don't get me wrong. But whatever it is isn't the center of the story. You know why? Because Jesus is. And as he as his love, as he changes us, as he changes our love, he also will shape our character. As he gives us a new heart, man, our desires will change, our habits will change, and eventually our behaviors. Because this is the thing that I truly believe, and I'm really speaking from experience in our life, like I'm not even trying to be dramatic or anything, like straight up But behavior changes because the heart— my behavior changed. I remember it was a time, man, that I was like, I ain't gonna never be able to stop doing this or this stuff. But now I look up and I'm like, man, I don't even— like, we gotta stop trying to— stop trying not to do and just be and strive to be like Christ. Because behavior change— my behavior changed. Because my heart was being transformed and is transformed through the power of God. So if you're hiding today, I feel this in my heart, like, thank you, Holy Spirit. If you are hiding, or shame is telling you to stay isolated, or you say, oh man, I messed up, I've done something too hard, I've hurt my family, I've hurt my kids, I've hurt my friends, I've hurt my local church, People might deal with it in all kind of ways, but you ain't heard God, man. You ain't heard God, sis. Jesus is there waiting. Don't fall for it. And I just pray that you can also see Jesus through mature believers. Yes, it might be some accountability with it, some hard conversations, but you still see the love. The gospel is inviting you into the light. And I pray that you are part of a local community that demonstrates that. Again, not because confession earns God's love. It's only through Christ Jesus, Christ Jesus alone, faith in him. But because God loves us so much, man, because he gave us his spirit, we have the courage— thank you, Holy Spirit— to confess. I feel like I'm, I'm closing the prayer call. I'm gonna get ready to go into prayer call, man. I do. And so I'm gonna pray, like I'm compelled to pray on this episode. So the same grace that forgives— again, remember, it's the same grace, the same grace that transforms. So, Heavenly Father, Lord, we thank you for your grace and your mercy. We thank you for your guidance We, we just thank you for being who you are. We thank you for looking down and saying, you know what, they need a savior. And you wrapped yourself in flesh and gave your only begotten Son that whoever believe in him should not perish but have everlasting life. And it's only through him and faith in him alone that no man can boast. And so God, we thank you for that. We thank you for that, God. We thank you for doing that. And Lord, we also thank you for giving us an advocate, which is the Holy Spirit, your Spirit, that searches us and reveals things to us. And God, I'm asking that anything that's standing in front of my brother and sister across this microphone as they listen to me through their headphones or AirPods or whatever, God, I'm asking that you touch their heart right now, that you guide them, that you let them know there, there is no shame, no amount of guilt, nothing they can do that you will re— that you will stop loving them, that you have not rejected them. I know people argue over the blasphemy, but right now, if there's conviction in their heart I want to tell you, if you're convicted by these words, hey, you have not committed— I can't even think of it, the one people argue over, but I can't— but, but if it is conviction in your heart, blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. If there is conviction in your heart, listen, just lean into it, repent, start asking God, Lord, help me change my thinking. I need you. And you need to get connected with somebody ASAP. So, man, I love you. God loves you. And Lord, we ask that you just touch them, that your spirit draws them closer and closer to you. And Lord, we ask this in your son Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Amen. Amen. Hey, love you, bro. Love you, sis. Send this one to somebody. Just send it to somebody, man, and just say, hey, just give me 30 minutes to listen to this dude, because I'm gonna point them to Jesus, and I hope you're doing the same. Be blessed. Thanks for joining me today on the Student of Life podcast, and remember, learning never stops and wisdom grows as we seek truth in both scripture and life. And until next time, keep walking faithfully and thinking deeply. Be blessed.