In this talk, Vanessa Bohns challenges the common view that influence is only visible, formal, and immediate, such as giving a speech or directly persuading someone. She argues that most influence is silent, invisible, and occurs in people’s minds over time. Influence can be cumulative, with a single comment resonating later after repeated exposure, or it can simply confirm existing beliefs, reinforcing behavior without obvious change. Even casual presence, throwaway remarks, or simply being seen in a meeting can shape others’ thoughts and actions. Because people expect clear, observable evidence of influence, they often underestimate their own impact, focusing on moments of failure rather than the many subtle ways they affect others. This leads to a systematic under‑estimation of personal influence.
Chapters
In general, right, we tend to have an idea of what influence is and what influence looks like. So when we think of influence, we tend to picture kind of formal attempts at influence, like someone standing in front of a room giving a speech, or someone standing in front of another person kind of trying to persuade them. asking them for something, trying to get them to do something, these more active formal forms of influence. And we kind of assume that we'll know if we've made an impact and that we will know that we have influence if that person concedes the argument. Or if, you know, all of a sudden you see their behavior change. So we have this idea that we'll really see this tangible sort of evidence that we've influenced another person. But in fact, so much of influence doesn't happen like that. So much of influence is silent and invisible, and it happens in other people's heads where we can't see it. It might happen a week later or a month later. Something we say sort of actually starts to resonate. People think about it. It's often cumulative, so it could be that we say something And, you know, it's food for thought, but the person doesn't change their mind or their behavior. And then they hear it a few more times, and us saying it played a big role in a behavior that they changed down the road. In some cases, you know, influence is actually confirming someone's prior belief or behavior. And so we just convince them that what they were already doing was the right thing, and they keep doing it. And so we don't see that. And so because we have this idea of what influence is and what it looks like, Like, we tend to forget and miss all the ways in which we influence people when we're not sort of formally thinking we're trying, when we just make a throwaway comment, just by existing in the world and being at a meeting or being in a space where people can see us and notice us and remember us and sort of mimic our behavior. And the ways in which, you know, people do take to heart the things that we say, even if they don't tell us, or even if we don't clearly see that. And so because so much happens that's invisible to us, if I ask someone like, how much influence do you have, we kind of have to guess, right? Unless someone's given us some really clear idea of how we've influenced them. And when we guess, we tend to focus on all the times that we sort of fail to influence. Someone didn't do something we asked for, And we focus more on the negative, and so we tend to underestimate the likelihood that we actually influence someone in that particular moment.
