I've never shared this before...

In August of 2017, I got a call that my dad was being rushed to the ER because he had stopped breathing. About 10 years ago, I decided to stop pursuing my dream of becoming a doctor. But yet, just a year prior to that, I was just graduating from Loyola University Chicago as a pre-med student, hopeful and excited to begin the next steps of my medical journey. So what happened? And why did I completely stop this pursuit? And how and why am I here? On YouTube? Well, at this point I think it's important I answer these questions and share that with you because a lot of the things that I've experienced over the past 10 years have greatly impacted me and became the reason why I wanted to create this channel originally and frankly, I want to get back to some of those original reasons as I feel like I've drifted a bit. Most of you on this channel probably know me for one of three main things: my ACL journey, knees over toes progress videos, or health insurance tips, because I had a few random videos that blew up on that topic too. But none of those topics were originally like part of the plan or the reason why I created this channel. It's a funny thing when you start a YouTube channel because at some point it really is this balancing act between blending your own passions and ideas of what you really want to share and you feel is important to share while also understanding what gains the most traction and views on the platform. And if you look back at some of my oldest videos, you're going to notice that there's a broad array of health and self-improvement topics that I shared at first. And as time went on, I started to share less and less of those videos because, well, they just weren't getting views. And then I tore my ACL and I shared my whole story with you guys and the progress that I made with using the ATG program and Boy, did that land. And I was so excited because I did and still really do enjoy making those videos and sharing about my progress after ACL surgery and how I've used programs like ATG to get to where I am today. But I've lost touch with sharing some of the things that I'm also really passionate about educating others on and topics that pertain to the original reason why I started this channel. So in light of my journey to begin to blend these topics into my content a bit more, I wanted to share with you you guys where I'm coming from and how I got here. So back in 2013, I had just graduated college and I was getting ready to take the dreaded MCATs and apply for medical programs. And after successfully making it through my first MCAT, my mom sent me an article about this new field on the rise called the physician assistant. And when I read about the PA field, it sounded like my dream job, because if you know me, you know that I like change, and lots of change, and I love to learn new things. So the idea of becoming a doctor specialized in one distinct field frankly scared the shit out of me. And the article about PAs shared how if I was a PA, I could switch specialties more easily and get a chance to really learn a lot about different fields of medicine while still having the autonomy to practice medicine and see patients like I would have if I was a doctor. Fun fact though, of which I was not 100% aware of before I went to switch this trajectory from med school to PA school. In order to successfully apply for PA schools, you have to have between 750 and 2,000 hours of patient care and a whole bunch of additional prerequisite classes that were not required for medical school applications. So I actually had to re-enroll for classes again and take even more classes like advanced anatomy and physiology, cell microbiology, and some medical terminology classes. So I enrolled in these classes and I found a job that allowed me to work with patients as a physical therapy technician. And in this role, it was really my first taste of working in a medical setting cuz my PT clinic was actually attached to an ortho office. And between working long days with rehabbing patients and PT and taking classes, I also made it a point to shadow multiple medical professionals in different settings like ER doctors, interventional radiologists, family practitioners, cardiologists, orthopedic docs, you name it, a whole bunch of 'em. And the PAs on staff as well. I mean, I even got to scrub in on an ACL surgery on a medical missions trip, which was really cool. And did I love it? Yeah, I did, but only parts of it. And it was at this point that I started to see the real limitations of the medical system firsthand. I started to see how medical practitioners were pressed for time at the hand of insurance companies, and I saw how unhappy so many of them were because they couldn't practice medicine the way that they wanted to and the way that they were actually trained to due to these like economic drivers of healthcare in the U.S. When I saw these medical professionals, I felt something in my gut that I didn't have words for until recently. And what I was feeling was their sense of moral injury. Here's an explanation of moral injury that I think sums it up really well from an article on Physicians Practice. Moral injury is generally defined as perpetuating, failing to prevent, bearing witness to, or learning about acts that transgress deeply held moral beliefs and expectations. This concept better describes the untenable double and triple binds that physicians are finding themselves in, whereby the countless roles that they are expected to undertake often place them in conflict with their primary moral imperative, taking care of the patient. The article goes on to read, too often now physicians must choose between the needs of their patients and the demands imposed by their employers, productivity metrics, insurance companies, mandates to reduce leakage, and satisfaction surveys. The patient's needs cannot always win and often don't. I saw many physicians that were forced to give lesser preferred treatment options to patients that had more side effects simply because insurance wouldn't cover the doctor's primary recommendation. Private equity firms were and still are buying up more and more medical practices and focusing more on efficiency and profit rather than patient outcomes. And I could see this wearing on the doctors at the time. The funny thing is, is I was starting to feel trapped by a future version of my life that wasn't even realized yet. So after a while, I decided to trust that gut feeling and turn away from pursuing conventional medicine at all. But it did get me thinking maybe alternative medicine was where it was at because all those practitioners seemed to have all the time in the world for their patients and they weren't captivated by the whims of insurance companies and private equity firms. And so my distaste for conventional medicine put me right into the throngs of a whole different beast, the holistic and alternative medical community. I decided to work for a holistic wellness startup and promptly drank the Kool-Aid that Big Pharma is killing people and the government doesn't want you to find the cure for cancer and natural is always better and the body can heal itself and food is medicine. That whole thing. I started going to functional medicine doctors, of which I was then told I had every food sensitivity in the book and nearly 8 of my blood labs were completely out of whack and I needed to get on a protocol of like 10 to 15 supplements. I began going to a yoga and energy work studio that now has actually been deemed a cult. I thought every chemical was toxic, gluten was killing us, and sugar was as addictive as cocaine. I was fully in the granola circle and the appeal to nature fallacy got a hold of my logic. And even though there was a voice in the back of my mind that said, "Mm, this doesn't feel right either," I ignored it. Because if modern medicine was going downhill, and alternative medicine was a sham, then what the hell am I supposed to do? And what the hell are most Americans supposed to do? And it was at this crucial point that my world turned completely upside down. In August of 2017, a few months after I started my health coaching business, I got a call that my dad was being rushed to the ER because he had stopped breathing. I made it to the hospital. I waited for about an hour, and then the doctors came in and told me that they couldn't revive him. And his passing away was and wasn't a shock to me. My dad had struggled as a very highly functioning alcoholic for many years, and I just wasn't aware of how desperately bad it was until about a year prior to his passing, and I had tried to help but kept getting shut out. And then he died at age 57 due to cirrhosis of the liver, and I was the next of kin and was tasked with handling his estate until thankfully my uncle was able to take over. And I will spare you all of the messy details of why this death was so incredibly complicated, um, for not only myself but for my whole family. But it's safe to say that this experience sent me into a spiral. The wellness center that I was working at just shut down, and with the bad mental state that I was in, I fell into the hands of some very very predatory people that took advantage of the vulnerable position I was in. And I pulled away from health and wellness completely. I pulled away from my family. And worst of all, I pulled away from myself. All of the grief that I was experiencing at that time in my life was enough to thankfully shock my system in a way that I was able to get a clearer picture of my belief system and start to feel a little bit more in control of my life again. And that happened slowly but surely as I regained my strength and regained my ability to leave relationships and situations that were no longer serving me. And thank God I was able to see clearly again. I began to get a view from a higher vantage point at what happened with my life throughout these 10 years and how I could fling so readily from one belief system to another. And I began to see that I'm not the only one that this happens to, as empires like the Wellness Mama blog and Dave Asprey and the goddess of Goop herself Gwyneth Paltrow were on the rise, I noticed how many people were following these movements because of the same distaste for the conventional medical system that I had. However, something that I also noticed was that many people struggled to separate the science from the system. And just because the system is bad doesn't mean that the medical professionals and the science directives that they follow are. There's more nuance to it than that. Just like there's nuance in how pesticides are toxic, but only in doses that would be nearly impossible for us to have in our highly regulated regulated food supply. I started to see that our culture is one of absolutes because fear is an emotional currency used to push someone into one health belief camp without consideration of nuance or educating them on being able to critically think through the information they're being presented. And frankly, our science literacy in this country is terrible, and I consider myself fairly science literate, and even I fell prey to the alternative medical misinformation. So why did I start this channel? Well, because as I started seeing clients in my health coaching business, I noticed so many people were feeling betrayed by the medical system and are looking for alternative solutions. And then they'd try these alternative solutions and either don't get the results that they hoped for, or they end up feeling worse by trying these solutions, or they were told that they had some insane amount of conditions or sensitivities that it ended up paralyzing them from making any progress in their health at all. And honestly, the pandemic made everything in the health and medical space so much worse. The politicization of public health has made it difficult for the public to trust mainstream anything, and there has been so much doubt and mistrust and conspiracy seeded into the minds of Americans that it has become hard for many of them to believe in larger institutions anymore at all. But what I see most people failing to recognize is that the wellness and alternative medical community is just as much of an industry as any other, and their motives are no less inclined by profit. So I set out to make this channel as a way to bring some topics to light that I feel need more evidence-based education around or a more nuanced perspective brought to the table. And the thing is, I know that these videos probably will continue to get lower views than the rest on my channel simply because they aren't polarizing enough. I don't do hot takes and I don't like to stitch other professionals and call out their BS online. And I don't like to see things in black and white. And unfortunately, social platforms are geared to elevate things that are polarizing and controversial. I believe in nuanced, evidence-based information that helps my audience to demystify some commonly misunderstood topics or trending wellness topics that when left undiscussed can be dangerous to the health of the public. So here's what you can expect from me. I will continue to share ACL and knee related videos and updates on my ATG programs that I'm doing and all that jazz. I love making those videos and so many of you guys have expressed how helpful they have been, so I'm definitely continuing to make those videos, but I will be mixing in some of my original content that I sought out to make in the first place. Some good old debunking, demystifying, and educating on various health topics. And if you've made it to this point in the video, thank you, you're a real one, and I appreciate it more than you know. So guys, as always, thanks so much for watching, and I will see you guys next time. Bye!