The Loneliness & Hidden Mental Load of Ambitious Women

Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride. Let's go make shit happen. What's up, you guys? Welcome back to the podcast. Today we're sitting down for a solo chit-chat, honest, like vulnerable share kind of episode. We're going to talk about loneliness and the kind of hidden mental load that I think a lot of ambitious women carry. And the reason why I wanted to bring this to the podcast was because I just had an experience recently where I felt like it was almost this new flavor of entrepreneurial loneliness. 'Cause I know that we've heard this before and people talk about it a lot of like, you know, when you go on your personal growth journey or you start getting into personal development, or maybe you start expanding or deepening in your faith, like any type of path that you start going down to really improve yourself or expand yourself in a big way can reveal some cracks maybe in your life or your relationships, or just the places where other people can't really meet you. Or they can't really relate as much. And so it can create this feeling of loneliness of like, wow, I'm really on this journey, or I'm on this path alone. Not that no one else in the world has that shared experience with you, but just that like the closest people around you aren't really doing the same things or thinking about the same things or having the same priorities or values or preferences or whatever. And so that can kind of make you feel alone. And, and we've talked about that on this show before. And I think like there is a real cost to your alignment and your authenticity and actually peeling back those layers and understanding who you are and becoming more and more of yourself as you do grow and being in true alignment with your highest destiny and your path and your, you know, highest potential that you can reach in this lifetime. Like, that is going to reveal a lot of stuff. And as people say, entrepreneurship is your personal growth journey on steroids. It is a spiritual experience in and of itself. It's going to teach you so much about who you are, about the people in your life, about your priorities, values, what you're capable of, you know, the things that still trigger you, what, what challenges, you've lessons that you're still meant to learn, and the things that you need to go deeper on. Like, all of that is revealed through entrepreneurship. But the other night, I was just like standing in the bathroom. This is a couple of weeks ago. It was like 11 PM. I'm tired. I probably had like a long work day, and I was just talking to Jaime. I think it just like hit me viscerally in that moment of like, he doesn't know what it's like to be inside of my brain, to be inside of my business. And I was trying to express that to him. So I was just talking to him about how I feel so alone in like the mental load that I carry. It's just like no one around me could really ever understand what it's like to live in my brain. And I'm sure people feel like this in many different areas. I'm, I'm imagining motherhood is one of them for sure. It's like you almost want people to be able to have the experience of living inside of your head so that they could just better understand and empathize with the way that you navigate things, or when you feel like you've reached your capacity, or I don't know, like the kind of support that you need. And I think for me, in that moment, it was just like, it feels like because no one really knows, like speaking about my fiancé or like family members or like my close inner circle, they don't really know what it feels like. They can't truly applaud you or honor you or support you accurately because they could never comprehend what it's like to have your exact lived experience. Like it's never gonna be anyone else's exact lived experience. Like it's just impossible. Like you're just alone in that. And I guess that goes for like every human anyways, but to just have so many tabs open all the time, to be holding space for so many people all the time that are pulling from you or need your guidance, your energy, your encouragement, your positive vibes, your confidence, your direction, your leadership, your approvals on things, the okay to this. Like there's just a lot of people that rely on you and depend on you when you are the breadwinner, when you are the founder, when you are an entrepreneur. And so, yeah, I just had a moment where I was like, oh my gosh, like he's never going to fully be able to see me me or like know what my lived experience is. And that feels sad to me. And I, I wanna clarify that I'm not talking about, like when I say having so many tabs open and all these things, it's like, I'm not talking about feeling burnt out or overwhelmed. It's just like this specific flavor of loneliness that comes with being a highly ambitious woman and having a brain that never stops. You can be surrounded by people who love you and cheer you on, but there's also these moments where you're just like, no one really gets what my life or, or my inner world is like. No one can really empathize with how much you hold. They can imagine it, they can try, they can be sympathetic, but unless they've literally done it, like, they're never gonna really be able to comprehend that mental load that you carry on a daily basis and what it's like. And that can kind of make you feel unseen. That was what I was feeling like standing in the bathroom talking to him about this. I'm just like, it feels sad to me that my partner will never truly know how much goes on in my head and all the fires that I'm putting out on a daily basis, the sheer number of tasks that I have on my plate, what it feels like to have so many people counting on me. And on top of that, the pressure that I put on myself to be a good friend, family member, fiancé, all the things. And so when your partner then asks you to do a simple thing like, hey, can you clean the kitchen tonight? But it's already 8:30 PM and you still have at least 2 hours of work that you need to get to because you've been pushing tasks from one day to the next for a while. And at some point it stacks up and it just needs to get done. Like they're never gonna know what that feels like. Like on the inside to be like, okay, logically I wanna be an equal partner. It's such a simple task. I wanna just say yes and clean up the kitchen because also they don't deserve to do that all the time. But also like there's an element where it's like, just feels unfair that the only tabs that they have left open for the night personally is to take the dog out or to take a shower. And you're still like, there's a hundred fucking tabs open for me. Like, why are you asking me to clean the kitchen? And you're like, but no, you can't make your problems other people's problems. And you want to be like a good person and a good partner, and, and it feels like you can never win. And, and again, like, to clarify, I don't feel burnt out. I don't feel unsupported. It's not that. It's not that the people around me aren't great people and can't, you know, try to sympathize with me. Like, if I were to tell my partner like, oh my God, I still have so much on, like, I'm stressed out, whatever the case may be, he'd be like, okay, no worries. Like, but it's, it's not like, oh, I'm trying to get away with something so that I can do the things that I need to do. It's like, no, I, but I want to be the equal partner. I want to be able to effortlessly say yes to like clean the kitchen or do whatever. That's just the random example that I'm using. But it's the self-imposed pressure of like being able to be the best in all the categories and like do everything to the best of your ability because you know you're capable of being an incredible partner, incredible friend, incredible family member, incredible business owner, and you want to excel in everything. But when you put that pressure on yourself to do it all at months, it sometimes feels like it's impossible. And then you're like looking around and people are wanting things from you or expecting things from you, and you're like, it kind of sucks that they like don't know what it's like inside of my head on a daily basis, because I think they would be even more proud of me. I think they would be even more appreciative that I took an hour out of my day to call them. Like, I think that they— it just feels like you would be seen on a deeper level if they could really comprehend what it was like to hold the load that you do as a female founder, an entrepreneur, a breadwinner, someone who leads a team, is building business, like doing all of that on top of everything else that you want to be good at in life. And I've tried to think of ways that I could describe this. And the best thing that I've been able to come up with is like, imagine your favorite movie or your favorite music artist or your favorite meal of all time. Like something that is just like, oh my God, like I love this thing. I'm so obsessed with it. And that like, imagine the people that you love could never see that movie or hear that artist or go to that restaurant and try that meal. It would just be like, oh, like you're trying to describe it and like you want them to be able to see it or hear it or taste it, but like they just can't. And like, no matter how much you describe it, like they're never going to— ah, they're never going to get it. They're never going to know. And like, that sucks because I think as humans we want to bond over shared experiences. That's how we feel connected is like, oh yes, we had that experience together and we loved that. And so I guess the realization that I was coming to the other night is like, this is an experience that my partner and I will never share. Like, he's never going to eat this meal. He's never going to watch this movie. He's never going to hear this song. Oh my God, why am I like crying over that? Okay, I did not expect that to happen, but that's like the best analogy that I can come up with to describe it. It's this unique flavor of loneliness, of living in your own mind with the pressure that you put on yourself and the mental load of everything that you're trying to do and wanting to be good at everything and be good to everyone and care about all the things in your life equally and just realizing that, yeah, people are never going to be able to understand what it's actually taking for you to be able to show up at the level that you are. And you're probably still imperfect and dropping balls and like, you know, you're just like, oh, but people would be more proud if they actually knew what it took for me to actually be able to show up even at the level that I am right now. And maybe this is just entrepreneurship, right? Like maybe this is just the ballgame that we decided to play. Maybe this is just being a woman. Like I know that women tend to carry a much heavier mental load than men. We think about more things, we strategize about more things, we future pace a lot more things. We have a million tabs open all the time, especially I think if you're a mother. Is this just adulting? Like, is this just being an adult and realizing that like this shit sucks and there's so many things to think about all the fucking time? Is it ADHD? Like maybe, I don't know. I've recently been fantasizing about taking ADHD medication and seeing what that would feel like, which is so wild because I'm a person who does not wanna be on meds at all. But But then I see these videos of people where it's like, this is my first day on ADHD medication. And they're like, oh my God, having this like life-changing experience of like their brain just being different and better and quieter. And I'm like, oh my God, maybe I should get diagnosed. Maybe I should try that. What would that feel like? But then you see people being like, oh yeah, it's amazing. Enjoy the first few weeks. Then it like wears off or you get used to it or it turns into anxiety or you have to keep changing meds or like, blah, blah, blah, it's never the same. Or like, it's good at first, but then never again. I don't know. These are just my inner thoughts. Thoughts that I wanted to share with you guys because I think other people will be able to resonate. And it's exactly what the purpose of this conversation is. It's like, if you feel this type of loneliness on your path, I think it's so helpful to know that other people are feeling the exact same things, contemplating the exact same things, going through the, you know, exact same kind of challenges and back and forths in their mind. It's like, I'm trying to think of how, you know, this, this shows up for me, like the in terms of the tabs and the pressure and things like that. But my family will like joke and they'll say like, oh, like Sam never answers her phone. Or like my friends will be like, Sam never answers when I call. Ah, LOL. Like, that's so funny, but like also not funny because that makes me feel really bad. And I'm not intentionally ignoring anyone. I'm not trying to not pick up the phone. It's like, first of all, my phone is literally always on do not disturb. I don't know how to turn it off. I don't know how to fucking fix it. I'm so annoyed with Apple. In my settings on my phone, when you pull down from the far right corner, there's like these options of Do Not Disturb, Work Mode, Sleep Mode, Reduce Interruptions. I'm like, how do I turn this motherfucker on so that people, their calls actually go through? Like, I do not know what the fuck is wrong with my phone, but like, no one can contact me. Okay, so I miss people's calls all the time and then they complain about it and I'm like, I'm so sorry, I don't know what to do. Like, I, I'm either working, it's on airplane mode, or I bricked myself because I'm trying to I fucking focus on all the shit, or it's just my fucking iPhone like doesn't let people call me. Like, I don't know, I don't know. But I'm like, I want to remember to call people, to FaceTime people, to catch up. I feel like I'm not calling or texting my friends enough. I'm trying to say yes to get-togethers and hangouts and dinners and do all these things because I want to be social. Like, I don't want to be a hermit. I want to do all this stuff. But then it's just inevitably another tab, it's another thing on the calendar. And then being like, oh shit, like I should check in on that 'other friend' who I haven't seen in a month, and I, you know, should make time to hang out with them or reach out to them or, or check in or whatever. And also, at the same time, like, you're wanting to say yes to things, but you're also having to say no to things. Like, I have to say no to people who are literally offering to pay me because they want these private sessions and they want to do VIP days and they want to— and I'm like, I, I can't do that right now. And I think that is an important thing of, like, learning how to say no for sure, for like your own priorities and mental sanity and understanding like what you're focusing on and just not becoming a business owner who's just willing to accept money for anything. Like you need to know what your focuses are and be intentional about those things. So on one hand you're like, I gotta say yes to more stuff. And then you're also like, but I also have to say no to more stuff. And you're trying to stay on top of like the godforsaken overflowing email inbox that just like never stops of people contacting you and pitching you and doing— and then you're like, I also wanna reply to all my DMs. Like personally, it's me in the DMs cuz like fuck this AI shit. But like You're at the same time building new programs, fresh trainings. You're selling and promoting live experiences. You're serving your existing clients. You are checking Telegram, making sure everyone is supported, doing in-depth messaging audits for people. You are reviewing sales pages, copy. You're reviewing the stuff that your ads team is sending to you. You're reviewing videos from the podcast team. You're making edits, you're giving approvals before things go out. You're coordinating girls' dinners so that you can like hang out with your friends and actually be social. You're trying to get all of your workouts in for the week. You're staying on top of podcasting every single week and coming up with new ideas and writing down what you wanna talk about on the show and making sure that that all gets handled and done. And, and then you're also planning an international wedding and answering everyone's questions who's messaging you about hotels and flights and traveling to the EU and visas and all these things. And you're tracking people down for RSVPs because they haven't replied yet. And, you know, you're doing a full week of outfits, okay? So you need like a lookbook and you gotta, you know, know what you're gonna wear because you don't want to overpack and you want to make sure you just feel confident the entire time. So we need shoes, we need accessories, we need earrings, we need all the things. We need to figure it all out. We need to order stuff now because if we don't like it, then we have to return it. Or like sizing, and it's getting down to the wire and there's only 6 weeks and you're trying to coordinate your facials in the right time coordination with your Botox because you can't do microneedling at the same time as you're doing Botox. You need X amount of weeks before, but then you have to leave X amount of weeks before the actual wedding because you need the downtime and you need to heal. And oh my God, on top of that, posting consistently on socials and like, that is just like, I'm like, okay, no one else— can anyone else get on my level with this? Is anyone else thinking and feeling and going through the same stuff? And of course, of course they are. Are. But when the people closest to you, like, a lot of that just goes so unseen to those people. I think that's what made me feel like, damn, it's kind of sad that like they'll never really know how much I hold and how much I do and how much I handle. 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Let's make your next Story, your most profitable one yet. Click the link in the show notes below and I'll see you inside. You want to be, you want to be opening the doors to like doing a lot of that stuff. And, and I have for the past couple of years. I've even sustained like 10 to 13 trips per year for the last several years on top of all of that, which is also wild to think about. But that just means that like naturally there's going to be more balls in the air. Right? And so there's more to juggle and there's more to hold. And you do— you expand your capacity. And I think when you understand what your nervous system can hold and what throws it out of whack, like, you get to do the work on that. And we all hit like different ceilings as we continue to grow and, and expand our capacity. But it has been definitely interesting to see throughout the years like how much more I can successfully hold now than I used to be able to several years ago, because you do You work on yourself, you stretch your capacity, you find ways to like safely and effectively hold more. And you're like, that's amazing. But then there's always a new level. There's always a new, like, it's like how the, um, what is it called? The hedonic treadmill, like the entrepreneurial sickness of like, you've accomplished so much, you can hold so much. Yay, we, we did that thing. And then it's like, okay, and now the goalpost moves and then it's like the bar is higher and we need to hold more and we need to, and, and so that's That's just, that's just life right now, you know? And, and I think you, you wanna succeed, you wanna grow your brand, you wanna stay relevant, you wanna impact more people. You have the hunger to do all those things. You're excited about the work. You are doing work that you love. It's not a burden, but you also wanna be healthy and you wanna be fit and you wanna be social and you wanna be a good sister or mother or wife and friend. And you wanna drink enough water and you wanna get enough steps and you wanna remember to text that person good luck because you know they have something big happening for them that day. And, and you wanna not forget to call that other person back. And also make sure that you're eating well. And wouldn't it be nice to cook more for fun or try some new recipes or, oh my God, like, do I have a hobby? I don't know if I have any hobbies. I mean, maybe Pilates and matcha, question mark. Like, oh shit, did I remember to apply to that DM of someone who needed that link? Okay, gotta get the link. Focus, focus, focus. Open Slack, send message to team. I need to find this link. Oh, 10 new messages from the team. Shit, I forgot to approve that ad copy. Okay, let's open the calendar, see where this is gonna fit in. Oh, I also have to approve those video clips. Okay, it's kind of tight. Let's move this over to tomorrow. Let's move this to the next day. And this too, I should call my parents more. Maybe I'll call them tonight. Nope, they're probably going to be asleep already by the time I get done with all this. Why am I not an AI wizard yet? Like, I should be an expert in fucking Claude code and all these other things. I should really be learning that more in depth, shouldn't I? Okay, how is that going to fit into all of this? Where do I have the time? Okay, don't have the time, so maybe I should hire someone to do that. By the way, that makes me think about the profit margins. What are the profit margins looking like currently in the company? Like, do I— can I even realistically hire someone else? And it's just I was like, damn, like, okay, we are holding so much. And I know so many of the women listening to this are gonna resonate whether your journey looks exactly like mine or not. Like, I do think that there's so many people that go through this and live their day-to-day like this. But for the first time, this was interesting, I started kind of having these thoughts come in where I'm considering working with my partner because like I mentioned, the initial kind of like scene of where this realization happened for me of like, damn, this is like lonely. This is, this is a lonely experience living inside of a mind like this and holding all of this and having all these tabs open. I was like, if he were in the company on a daily basis, maybe I would feel more seen because then he would have more knowledge of like the day-to-day realities and he would see the inbox and he would see the team chat and he would see what's going on with clients. And it would be like, wow. And maybe that's like what I want. Like, what is the deeper desire, right? Because it's not that there's nobody in my life that can relate to this, but it's like, I think I really want my partner specifically to be able to see me on this level and actually have like a more visceral appreciation for how much I try and like how much I go through and how much I hold. Because again, it's not that I feel like I'm in a season of burnout or overwhelm or that I wish that I was doing less. It's just that I wish the people closest to me could really see me in all that I am doing and holding on a deeper level. And I think having entrepreneurial friends like helps a lot with that, of course, because they get it. But at the same time, like everyone's businesses are so different and what they're prioritizing and their workloads and, you know, the seasons of business that they're in or the types of businesses that they're running are also different. So it's always like slightly different. There's something about like your family and your life partner who's like the closest person to you. When you really think like, they're never gonna get me fully, it's just like, damn, like I don't really want that to be the case. Is there any way for this to not be the case? And also, is this how provider men have felt for so long? Like old school kind of traditional providership where like the man was the breadwinner and he would go out and provide and protect and maybe even hunt or like do all these for the family, and it's like the wife is not really ever going to be able to relate or know all that he holds. And then he comes home and the kids are misbehaving and he has to be the disciplinarian. We're talking about a traditional dynamic, obviously, but it's like, is that how they felt for so long? Is that why men like struggle so much with mental health, even more so than women? I don't know. I think this just opened like a whole new conversation and can of worms in my mind about so many things. But yeah, pretty wild that like for the first time ever I'm like, Oh, maybe I would want my partner to work with me because I've typically in the past been like, mm, I like that we have separate interests. I like that we have separate careers, separate lives. I like that we— there's enough space where we get to miss each other and we're still together so often. Like half the time he's working from home, I'm working from home, and I don't wanna muddy the romantic dynamic with everything turning into business partnership talk and stuff like that, or frustrations between performance and who's doing what and always being busy. Like, I don't know. I think it's nice to have a stable, steady figure in your home that doesn't have 5,000 tabs open in their brain. Like, that's probably good, especially if you want to bring children into the mix. It's probably good to have at least one parent who's fucking sane. Like, I also love selfishly that we get like health insurance from his job. And I also don't love the idea of like the future for us forever depends on my business and my brand and my company. I think that's a really big weight. And if we're talking about a conversation where I already feel like I have a ton of weight, I'm like, I don't know, would having him involved in it be a liberation of some of that weight? But would it also be feeling that weight even heavier to some degree? Cuz it's like, okay, well this is now all on, like literally all on me, all on me. Whereas like, that's kind of already like the feeling half the time is like, as a female breadwinner, you're like, it's pretty much all on me. But like then if they work for you too, I feel like maybe that would be intensified. So yeah, that's just been kind of my honest experience lately, my thought process, a little peek inside my mind and some of the, the less fun parts of what's happening in my mind. And I think a lot of people can experience loneliness on a growth path of any kind, like I said at the start, but there is a very specific flavor to the loneliness that comes with being an ambitious female entrepreneur, being the breadwinner where people rely on you for their job. Jobs and to pay their bills and for security. And also it's like the bigger the vision is, the fewer people can actually stand inside of it with you. And it's not that the people in your life don't care, it's that the comprehension has a ceiling when someone isn't living it. And there's a particular ache in your soul in being celebrated for your outputs when no one is really there to witness the weight of what the inputs were to get you there. Because of course I'm celebrated, of course I'm supported, of course the people who love me are cheering me on, of course they can imagine, but they don't know. They don't know, know, you know, I don't have a solution for this. I'm just sharing this raw off the top of my head and, and kind of bringing you into the experience. But I guess what I've found is that the things that have helped me feel, I guess, maybe a little less alone in it are definitely having entrepreneurial friends around you, close to you, not just online, but also in person. Having mentors who relate to you, that you feel genuinely close and safe with, you know, not just the person that you hired for 4 or 6 months, but like the kind of mentors that, that know you on a soul level, that you've worked with for 3, 4, 5, 10 years where they've seen all the different evolutions of the journey like that. That is really priceless., something that I'll continue to pay for because that is someone who has a, a deeper insight to a lot of the things that you've navigated and what it's taken you to actually get there. Masterminds, of course, and, you know, groups and, and things where it's like we're all like-minded people doing similar things. Like that helps. And having a supportive, loving partner. Like I cannot imagine these women who are ambitious and entrepreneurial and they're founders or trying to build something and they have these like boyfriends or husbands who are like, like not even that supportive. Like they're not willing to make sacrifices along with them to support the dream of their partner. Like my fiancé is willing to make sacrifices all the— he makes sacrifices all the time for my vision, for my ambition, for what I need to get done, for my schedule, for my priorities. And so I can't even imagine like if I didn't have that. And also someone who's willing to like listen and just like hold you and give you a hug when you're like, it feels so alone in my mind right now. And not have someone be like, what are you talking about? Or like some loser like dismissing you, you know? You know, so I, I think you do have to be intentional about making friends who do get it, having like long-term consistent mentors who can see you through that journey and hold you in it, and making sure that you have a wildly fucking 100% over-the-top supportive partner. Cuz I just don't know how you would do it without that. So yeah, this is, uh, more of a personal share in case anyone else, you know, needs to just feel less alone in it too. I see you, you're not alone. We're in this together. I know that the lows can still be heavy. Like it's allowed to be heavy and it doesn't mean that we're failing or that we're doing anything wrong. I think it's just part of the journey. So if you resonated with this, let me know in the comments below, wherever you're listening. If you enjoyed this episode and you have another entrepreneurial friend who you know would get this deeply, or you want to make her feel more seen being like, hey, I listened to this episode and it made me think of you. Like I see you. If you wanna do that for someone, cuz that really is such a gift to receive, copy the link to this episode. Send it to her in a text, let her know you were thinking of her. That always feels really, really amazing. Thank you guys for tuning in. We'll talk to you next week. Bye! If you loved this episode, make sure to check out the show notes where I've linked a few similar episodes I know you're also going to love. You'll find them under the similar episodes section in the description down below with direct links so you can dive in and start listening right away or add them to your queue for later. Binge away for even more growth, expansion, abundance, and fire motivation. Victoria Ward.