Natalie Moore, a therapist from Pasadena, explains positive self-talk as a coping skill and walks through practical ways to use it: writing down what you'd tell a friend, imagining what loved ones would say to you, and setting reminder apps with mantras that fit specific situations.
Hey guys, I'm Natalie Moore, a therapist in Pasadena, and today's video is going to be about positive self-talk. This is the number one coping skill that I teach clients pretty much immediately when I start working with them in therapy. So what is it exactly? For example, let's say you're having a rough day, you're feeling down on yourself, and you're having a lot of negative thoughts. Positive self-talk is an internal conversation that you have with yourself to challenge some of these thoughts. If we're feeling really down on ourselves, chances are we're having some irrational beliefs about ourselves that just aren't true, like, "My boss hates me," or, "Nobody takes me seriously," or, "I'm a total imposter." Most of the time, these are self-defeating thoughts that are absolutely not true. Positive self-talk is a way to counterbalance these negative thoughts with more positive ones, such as, "I'm a good person." I'm trying really hard. I do my best in all situations. These are examples of positive self-talk. You might be wondering, how do I get started with positive self-talk? Open up a notepad in your phone and start writing down some positive things that you think about yourself. Now you might be wondering, what in the world do I write down? A lot of times if you're in the throes of negativity or depression, it's hard to even think about positive things about yourself. So there's a good trick for this. Think about someone who loves you and cares about you very much. If I asked them, what are some positive qualities about you, what would they say? Starting to think about what other people who care about us might say is a really good way to get started and makes the process a lot easier. Let's apply this to a real-life situation. Let's say you struggle with social anxiety and you're at a party and you're having a really tough time and you're feeling badly about yourself. A couple things you could say to yourself is, "Good job! You actually came to this party even though you knew it was going to be really tough for you." and you can give yourself a little pat on the back to give yourself some props for actually putting yourself in that situation. Another great positive self-talk line is to remind yourself that the uncomfortable feelings that you're experiencing are temporary and they're likely to go away. If you're experiencing a lot of social anxiety, remember this is a temporary experience. When it's at its peak, you can talk yourself through it and remind yourself it always goes down. You can use positive self-talk in a couple different ways. One way you can use it is to tailor it to the specific situation that you're in, like we used for the example before. You can also use certain mantras that are generally positive that can help you in any situation. If you need help thinking of positive affirmations, you can literally go on Google and search positive affirmations and download 50 or more positive affirmations and find the ones that resonate with you and make you feel good. I personally use positive self-talk probably at least 10 or 15 times a day. It gets me through my day. If you need some help remembering to use positive self-talk, there are some helpful apps that have a little bell that dings however you schedule it, and this little ding could be a reminder to you to practice saying things that are positive to yourself. I'll link below to an app that has a meditation timer on it. If you're really struggling with positive self-talk and feel that you just can't seem to get in the habit of doing it, you can rely on guided positive affirmation meditations. I will also link to some of those below. You can simply listen to them every night before you go to bed to kind of infuse yourself with these positive messages so that it becomes more of a habit for you. Thanks for watching, and I hope you found this video helpful to you. I know that positive self-talk is a huge resource in my life, and I hope it can be one for you too. Please leave a comment if you have some ideas for how you've integrated positive self-talk into your self-care plan. See you later.
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