#14: Overcoming Impossible Obstacles with Ricardo Palomares

Hi, I'm Saya Wakeman, and you're listening to No Ego, a podcast where we teach you how to ditch the drama, end entitlement, and drive big results in your workplace and your world place. Listeners, I am so excited about this episode of No Ego. I have the pleasure of connecting you all with Ricardo Palomares, and he's an international keynote speaker. He is a fabulous author, a documentarian, I guess you would call it. But most importantly, I became fascinated with the many stories that Ricardo brings to the table at a recent conference. We were both sharing the platform, speaking to a wonderful group of people, and he and I connected. And we started having some fabulous conversations about ego, about burning off your ego, about no ego moments. So I want to share some of the incredible stories Ricardo has with all of you. But before we get there, Ricardo, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.

Hey, how are you?

I'm doing great. Uh, tell our listeners a bit about you and, uh, just give them a sense of your really cool varied and diverse backgrounds.

Oh, cool. Perfect. Well, I was born and raised in Mexico City, and I went to photography school in Mexico just because back in the day my goal was to become an explorer, and I thought photography was going to be the way for me to travel around the world. I immigrated to the US. I did some professional photography, then I went to film school because I decided to do documentaries, and I've traveled all around the world doing documentaries. And the last thing that I did was that I rode my bicycle from Alaska to Argentina over the course of 21 months, 14,000 miles, just to make a documentary that will give a perspective of the Americas today.

Which blew my mind. Now, riding from Alaska down to Argentina, it was just, it was mind-blowing. What we first connected on is you've actually hiked the El Camino de Santiago. Right. And we started talking about what I thought was a huge pilgrimage. And we talked about that, and that was an amazing experience. But then you went on to tell me about this other great adventure. And so whatever led you to even consider, like, how does one sit around their apartment one day and think about riding for months on end bicycles through mountains, rain, snow, borders? All kinds of crazy places. How'd you come up with the idea?

Well, my team and I, we actually have done work together, documentary. We've done work together in China and Mexico. And 2 of my teammates did a ride called Texas 4000, which is a bunch of students from UT Austin, and they ride their bicycles from Austin to Alaska over the— I think it's like 3 months in the summer. And while they were doing that, when they were in Alaska, they met a guy doing the Pan-American Highway, which is what we did. And so they came back and they got all inspired, and then we talked about how we love adventure and we love storytelling. And so kind of like one thing led to the other. Me personally, it's just because I'm so curious about what is out there, and I have been since I was a kid. I just need to see what is out there. And after traveling for a long time, I realized that all my travels were really teaching me a lot about myself and the world and that I needed to share that with people. So that's, to me, was about traveling the Americas to get to understand people and then share other perspectives with my audience. You know,

it's such a cool technique as we talk on this podcast a lot about moving beyond ego and realizing how much your ego's out to play. The ego loves comfort and when we're comfortable, ego gets super confident that it's right about the world and that it gets in this I know mindset. And so what I love about getting outside your comfort zone, and in a big way, like just giving up everything you own, taking with you only that which you can yourself carry— Yeah. What I love about that concept is I can only imagine the ego challenges that you met. I know myself, there was a time in my life I lived in a pup tent, you know, by a river, and the only possessions I really had were a couple good books from the library and a good lighter to start fires with. It was, it was the most freeing experience. In fact, you know, I talk about freedom really is when you have nothing left to lose. And so I can only imagine there were some pretty incredible no-ego moments. What, what were some highlights from your trip as you went out to teach us about the Americas? What did you learn about, about you?

Oh man, yeah, I totally agree that doing a trip like that or like your experience of truly just living with the essentials teaches you a lot about what you actually need, you know. I think for me it was realizing that, you know, I was traveling on my bicycle and everything that I owned was in my bicycle and it was so freeing because everything that I needed was either Within myself or at my reach, and it was so, so refreshing. I totally, totally agree on that. And as far as the no ego moments, to me the biggest one was becoming the leader of the team. We were 5 at the beginning, and the 5th guy was the producer, was the leader, was the guy that pretty much kind of like the main guy of the project, and he bailed like 3 months into the project. He just wanted a different life, and I totally respect that. If you're not 100% in something like this, you can't be there. And so when he left, out of necessity, I had to take the leadership. And it was not that I was pointed that, hey, you're going to be the leader. It's that I saw the need for someone to kind of lead the project. And at the beginning, I thought that as a leader, I had to have all the answers. that it was all about me and I was kind of like this star per se until I met a guy in Seattle. He was like a really successful doctor in Seattle. He does cancer research and we were blessed enough that he gave us an interview and one of the questions that we asked him was how come he was so successful and he works with kids with cancer, right? So he said that the reason that he was so successful is because he didn't have no option but to succeed because it was not about them. It was about the kids and saving their lives.

Wow.

And then—

That's a great no ego moment when you finally get that it is about what you're here to do, not about who you are. That's a fabulous line.

Yeah. Yeah. And like you said, like it's about what you're here to do and the potential that the thing that you're here to do is going to have in other people. And he said that to me. He said, you cannot— you have to finish the trip because if you don't finish this trip, all the stories that you're capturing are never going to be shared. And so it's not about you. It's about the potential those stories to impact people have. And that was— That was huge for me, I think, to understand that it was never about me and that I didn't have to have all the answers, that we were doing this together and that leader was just another role within the team, as important as any other role.

I love that. One of my favorite quotes from Einstein, I believe it's attributed to Einstein, is, together we are genius. And I think that what happens where leaders get really stressed is when they come to believe that they need to know the answers. And what we teach a lot is you just need to know the questions. You need to stay a student of life. And everything you need, the world's abundant. Everything you need really is there in your team. It's the leader's job to really uncover it and to connect in with all the different kind of energy sources, whether it's the people you interview to tell great stories or the people you lead. And it really takes the pressure off the leader and gets you outta ego. Ego is part of you that believes you have to know stuff. But the non-ego part is the part that gets excited about the fact that you need to learn stuff or you need to connect with others or you need to facilitate things. And so that's such a literal way of learning that. I love it. So what did the people teach you? I know that we had just a great time talking about the different individuals you met, the unlikely sources of wisdom that came for you, which is one of the things I know about myself when I move beyond ego. I am blown away by the unlikely sources of profound enlightenment.

Yeah, I think I was so blessed, and actually that's the part that I miss the most from the trip, that my work was to get to know someone else on a daily basis. And that just keeps you— takes you away from your own head, right? And just focusing on someone else, it's fascinating because it's really refreshing, and people People really need to be heard, and sometimes they don't have people there to hear what they have to say. Hear what they have to say.

I love that, that people have this need to be heard.

Yeah.

And without judgment, right? And so, and I talk a lot about not letting people vent. Venting is hearing the ego. What I got from the stories that you shared is that you were really listening to the authentic self of people when they weren't just, you know, bitching, moaning, and complaining about something, but they were They're really telling you their life philosophy or what they believe or what they had come to know being kind of a citizen on this planet.

Yeah, yeah. I have a couple really powerful stories. One was we were stuck in the middle of nowhere Alaska and we were riding only, literally we'd been only riding for 5 days and we had a bunch of ramen because there's This highway called the Dalton Highway, and the first 500 miles from our trip was— there's nothing. There's just gravel and mud. There's no people. There's no buildings. There's nothing. You have to carry food up to 2 weeks. And we carry a bunch of ramen, dried ramen. And a couple of days into the trip, our fuel— we ran out of fuel, so we couldn't cook that ramen. So we were eating dried ramen in the middle of nowhere Alaska. Oh, no. And cycling 10 hours a day.

Oh.

Yeah. And so one day we, we see a building and we rush into the building, and it was a camp and there was a cafeteria. People like work in the middle of nowhere. And we went to the kitchen and there's a lady and she takes care of us. She's super kind, she's loving. And besides that, there's something that really catches my attention is that she seems really content. She seems really happy. To the point where I haven't met too many people that just seem happy with their lives today, like really content, right? Like they're just, I'm okay. And I know for me, for a really long time, that was kind of like my downfall because I'm so driven and I want to accomplish so much that I always feel like I'm chasing happiness. Like happiness is one step ahead of me. And I go to her and tell her, like— What do you mean? tell her, hey, it seems that you have this solution to what is my problem. Do you mind telling me what it is? She says, you need to learn to love the pain. Wow. That I needed to learn to love the ugly, that I needed to learn to love what hurts because that is where my love is needed the most. I'm like, whoa.

That's amazing. Amazing. For some reason, I have all these quotes coming to my mind. quote, um, I believe from Mother Teresa. She said, you know, there are 2 types of deeds or 2 types of acts in life: cries for love and acts of love. And the only appropriate response to either one is love.

Oh, that's powerful. Isn't that powerful?

And, you know, other people talk about that dark side, but out in the middle of nowhere, you meet a woman who not only feeds you nourishment, but lets us all remember we've got to love the dark sides of ourselves, you know. And people talk about— when I talk about ego, they're like, well, is ego all bad? And I make sure I clarify that ego's not all bad, that a lot of good comes from ego confidence and, you know, self-esteem and separating ourselves out. And that it's just when it works for, you know, against our best interests or others. But even If you tried to be perfect today, you won't be. You will screw this up, but only daily. The things I preach, I screw up, but only daily. And that ability to just know that it's the human condition and that we can accept ourselves for it and we can self-reflect and just make amends and, and move on is so important because so many leaders want to be perfect and achieve results every single time. And we miss the, The whole other part of life. So how did you put her advice into action?

Well, yeah, I mean, for sure. Well, going back to what you just said, I think that our darkness is as much part of us as our light. And so if we don't embrace both and use for positive both, there's no— you know, I mean, why would you not do that? But going back to the story, I think, I mean, it was the beginning of the trip. It was the beginning of almost a 2-year trip that pushed me beyond what I thought it was possible mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally. And just having that in the back of my head constantly where I was exhausted, where I was cold, where I was almost attacked by a bear and we got robbed and we were sleeping in the dirt and it was so much, so much to handle and just having that in the back of my head that I needed to learn to love that because that process, that pain, that it was helping me to know myself and it was helping me conquer myself. And I was constantly telling myself, like, if you don't embrace this, you're not going to be able to enjoy your everyday, right? And so that's part of life. I mean, I think 90% of our time, if Not more, we're working towards something. And so if we don't learn to love the work towards something, we're not gonna be able to enjoy when getting that something, if that makes sense.

It does, it does. And what I have found actually is a lot of the times the present moment of the work brings me far more contentment than the actual achievement. The achievement is just kind of a milestone where the magic happens in the connection. I think we connect to human beings when we can, that when we can acknowledge our own darkness and that we all have the human condition, it puts us in a really vulnerable place where we can have true compassion and empathy for others. Not to enable them or to, as leaders, put up with bad behavior, but there is redemption after self-reflection where you can— For me, it's not that folks don't ever screw up or that we don't have development needs, or that there aren't parts of ourselves that aren't the most pleasant to be around. The power for me is not that people have some of those pieces of darkness. It's if they aren't willing to self-reflect and honestly just own them. Right. And I think the more we deny something, the more it comes out in ways that are pretty damaging. So, you know, part of the work of a leader, I think, is to acknowledge your own dark sides, um, with, you know, not as an excuse, but just an acknowledgment that, you know, it's something that you work with every day. And it gives people permission to stop trying to hide it or cover up or overuse their ego. It gives them permission to just say, you know, it is who I am. And, you know, I talk a lot about progress, not perfection, is, you know, let's just let's do better now that we know. So what's another great story that you want to share? I know you had a couple. We have thousands of stories. If you guys have not heard Ricardo Palomares talk and keynote, you really are missing out. In fact, this might be a good time before your next story. How do people who want to hear the hundreds of stories that you have, how do they find out more about the incredible adventures that you go on?

So they just go to my website and my website is ricardopal.com, ricardopal.com. And in there I have a link to the LinkedIn. I have a link to Facebook and I have all the information about me, what I've done and what I do.

I love it. You guys will love it. I said, when Ricardo and I first met, we literally spent, I think, in 2 different occasions that day, you know, a couple of hours together.

Yeah.

Just, um, and I just loved hearing Not just the stories as they were, but the lessons that came out of the stories were just amazing. So do you have one more story for us?

Sure, yeah. So we were riding through Portland, I think, and one of my teammates saw a guy washing windows of businesses. That was his job, just wash windows in businesses. And he had a really peculiar look, so my friend was kind of like drawn to him, and he started a conversation, and he started interviewing him. And one of the many amazing things he said was that we needed to push the limits of love, that we needed to love more than anybody else has loved before, and that within ourselves was the ability to do that, and that that was our job on a daily basis.

Wow.

Yeah, and that was Fascinating. And you see him because he says something like that, and then he will wash just like nothing happened, just like he didn't just drop an amazing quote, you know.

It's amazing. Well, I bet when you are washing windows that you might have some great reflection time. Totally. On it. But I love these snippets, and our ability to ponder on those snippets I think is important. And, you know, how can we push the limits of love. And sometimes, you know, for me, it's loving kindness. And other times, it's finding ways to be kind and honest, like really pushing the limits of being so loving that, you know, other people deserve me to shoot straight up with them, and finding ways to find that and how I can— Yeah. Can do that in so many ways, really expand my definition of what love looks like. You know, a lot of people think our approach at Reality-Based Leadership is tough love. And what we tell people is, you know, reality is tough, leadership is love. And so I love kind of ending on that note. How can we as leaders move beyond our egos so that we can push the limits of love? Because I really believe that we can create workplaces that are filled with, you know, peace, love, and happiness. In fact, I wanted to name my first book Peace, Love, and Happiness. Oh, wow. But my editor was pretty sure that that would be a little too hippie-dippy for a business book, but, you know, maybe, um, someday. You know, listeners, I want you to check out Ricardo's work and really get in there. ricardopal.com, is that correct? ricardopal.com, P-A-L? Correct. Okay, perfect. You're gonna love his stuff. And I want you to take inspiration because as we find ways to move beyond our own ego, we've got to do our own work first. And an adventure is a great way to do that because the ego really loves comfort. And because then the ego feels certain that it knows for sure its view of the world. And the best way to disturb that isn't just travel, but it's adventure. And adventure is going outside your comfort zone, even though that's overused, but really going out there and pushing yourself. to the limits. And I love that, pushing love to the limits, push yourself to the limits. I have learned most about myself when I have foregone material possessions, and really had to face what some of my stories were about that. And to face adversity with people I didn't know that well, to, you know, really find out what's out there and what's left of my ego. So, Ricardo, I hope this is the first of many conversations that you and I have, my friends. I'm So glad to meet you. And I'm making plans for my first big adventure of recent times. Um, next year I'm hoping to hike the, uh, or walk the El Camino de Santiago. So I'll be in touch to get some tips from you.

Please do. I really appreciate your time. I love talking to you and your perspective on leadership. I really appreciate it. And yes, I would love to give you any advice on the Camino for sure.

Perfect. Who knows, maybe we'll have a reality-based leadership bike trip from Alaska to Argentina someday. So there you go. You've inspired me. Thanks, Ricardo, and you have a great day.

You too. Thanks so much.

Thank you so much for joining the episode today. If you're loving this podcast, just make sure that you check me out on Facebook and Instagram and especially YouTube.