In this solo episode of the No Ego podcast, host Sy Wakeman expands on a previous story about a nurse who discovered a patient was being prepped for the wrong procedure. The nurse’s immediate reaction was venting and blaming the admissions team, which Sy identifies as an ego‑driven response that blocks self‑reflection. He demonstrates a rapid “ego‑bypass” technique: asking the nurse, “What would great look like?” – prompting her to envision the ideal outcome and shift from blame to constructive action. Sy uses the anecdote to illustrate broader concepts: the distinction between ego‑driven thinking (blame, drama, entitlement) and the “natural self” (accountability, collaboration, opportunity). He argues that systems will inevitably fail, but leaders must own the response, practice self‑reflection, and guide others toward a higher consciousness. The episode outlines how leaders can defuse drama, replace venting with accountability, and foster innovation, creativity, and energy by encouraging people to envision greatness and act from a place of compassion rather than judgment. Sy concludes with a call to continuously learn, practice self‑compassion, and choose perspectives that energize rather than drain.
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Hi, I'm Sy Wakeman, and you're listening to No Ego, a podcast where we teach you how to ditch the drama, end entitlement, and drive big results in your workplace and your world place. In today's podcast, I want to follow up on a story I told in podcast number 5. In short version, the story was about a nurse who had been with a patient when they realized that the procedure that the nurse was prepping the patient for wasn't the procedure the patient had signed up for. You can imagine the nurse had just a little bit of panic because she cares a lot about her patients. And she came to seek me out and was furious that this patient had a mistake in her chart and that that could have led to an unsafe situation or worse yet, the patient getting a procedure that she didn't want. And she had tracked me down, asked me if I had a minute, and began venting, telling me about her frustration. She was so upset that a mistake had been made and it wasn't caught in admissions. And she was saying admissions needs to be more careful and they should be fired. And she had all kinds of things that should happen In the system and to the people. And I knew that venting is the ego's way of avoiding self-reflection. And so that her venting wasn't going to help us in the moment quickly deal with the situation. So as a leader with little time, I used one of my favorite ego bypass techniques, which is a question for self-reflection. And my favorite question is, what would great look like? And so I simply asked her, To take a breath, let her know I care about her, and then I asked her, in this moment, what would great look like? And she was so quick. She was so able to quickly come up with what great would look like. I'd be back with the patient. I'd be assuring them it was great we caught this, that there's no way this would have gotten all the way through the system. We have checks and balances in place, and involved their physician, got them back on the bus, restored their faith in us, and made sure that that experience ended up being a great one. And after I asked the question, tapping into what people already know, which is what great looks like, because it's the standard we judge others by, it's something we already know, it's in us. She was able to identify what great would look like. And then I could just say, go be great. And she was able to rise up and operate at a whole different level of consciousness, one out of all that ego and blame and craziness and drama and emotional waste, to one where she could conserve her energy and have impact. That's so powerful. And you know what? This isn't just about stuffing your feelings, folks. This is about realizing that much of what you're upset about never even happened. She was upset because admissions was careless and did this stuff on purpose and weren't properly trained. But the reality is admissions doesn't do this stuff on purpose, and they weren't careless, and they were properly trained. And they are human, and they made a mistake. Now, she was able to go forth and really feel great about having impact and knowing that she could operate freely within a system that even had some glitches because of her expertise and what she could bring to the party. And as I was thinking more about this, I realized through a lot of your questions that people needed to hear a bit more about what ego is and what it isn't. And for me to blow your mind a little bit, bit with a few other questions. When I am in a situation where a system or a process has failed, so many times we think that the reason that outcomes for our clients or our patients aren't what they need to be is because of a system that failed. And what I know to be true is that my reality is, is that systems will fail. But if it reaches the patient or the customer or the client, it's because I failed. I failed to step up and mitigate that risk, which is the value I add. And there are times where when I get self-reflective and I think, rather than thinking about, oh, I had to do this, or I saved the day, or it was put upon me, or I have to hold up the whole system— that's all ego verbiage. What I began to ponder is, what if what's wrong in this system really is just my call to greatness? What if it's my call to add that very piece that's needed? I think a lot of times when I'm judging others, if I think it's so easy, why don't I go first? Sometimes I write down all the advice I would have for another person. And trust me, I can get into pages of what they should be doing. And I think, you know what, I'll just rip out that page that I had of advice for them. And I will follow it for myself. If I think it's so easy, I'll go first. Perhaps the reason I'm here, maybe my unique Purpose is exactly this moment where I was here in that position when a patient was signed up for the wrong procedure, and I was able to catch that. Rather than seeing that as the most frustrating moment, why not see it as a recognition of the continued value I add and that I'm here right now making that happen? And trust me, our ego would have us believe that someone could have died and that all heck would be, you know, break loose if I weren't Right. That's giving yourself a bit too much credit. The ego would have us believe, for those of you listening, that yes, but the patient could have died and it would be horrible. And that's the problem with healthcare. All ego, folks. Because in healthcare, we have about 4 more places we would check before we went ahead with that procedure. So our overreaction is denial that the system's actually working When we do catch a mistake. I really know that when I'm out of ego, I'm very open-minded and open-hearted and forgiving and compassionate, all the things that are best about myself. And I think you'll find that too. But when I'm in ego, I'm judgmental and scorekeeping and really trying to show how I'm better than others or how I'm and a victim of circumstances. It's really about what you're feeding and where you're spending your energy. True leadership is really about creating something different. And the power of a leader isn't what you tell people, it's what you get them thinking about. And so I want you to understand why this worked in the situation of the nurse. She was in ego, and ego uses venting to avoid self-reflection. A person can't vent and self-reflect at the same time. Self-reflection is the key foundation in getting us into accountability, which is seeing where we can have impact, and then stepping up and having that impact, which is what really drives our engagement rather than perfect circumstances. It's our own accountability to step up and have impact. And basically, the nurse came to vent, and she was seeking sympathy from me and collusion. She wanted me to agree with her that the systems are horrible and admissions is trying to screw our day up. She wanted sympathy and collusion. And instead, I instigated, I facilitated self-reflection. And I was starting to fuel greatness, to fuel that greatness and to defuse the drama. And this is very counterintuitive, but I tell you, it's amazingly effective. And it's completely different than what we're teaching leaders today. And it really is a time for a modern approach to leadership based on brain science and others' research, our research, but mostly the I think there's this craving for this higher consciousness in business. And we need to realize that drama is the issue. Most people think it's a faulty process, but our issue is drama, not faulty processes. Our issue is judging, not lack of engagement. It's entitlement, not accountability. It's fear, not change. It's readiness, not change management. I have so much I look forward to talking to you about. On these podcasts. But I want to end with a bit about what the ego is and isn't so that you can continue to learn how to identify what's happening for you, and that you can start to feel the shift and start to understand that you've got choices and your choices will set you free. You can choose to stop believing everything you think. You can question your own thinking. You can move yourself out of ego and into self-reflection. And then you can go on as a leader to do that same for others. So just be careful because the ego The ego would have us believing that we're alone. And our natural selves know that we're not alone, that together we're genius. I think Einstein was the one who said that. The ego is all about blaming the world. It would have us blame the world, but our natural selves, that, that place in us that's at a higher consciousness, would have us impact the world. So where the ego would have us blame the world, Our natural selves would have us impact the world, and the ego would have us thinking that we're alone, but our natural selves know that together we're genius. The ego takes us looking for faults, but our natural selves take us looking for opportunity. The ego has us convinced that we're in isolation, but our natural selves really seek connection. And the ego has us taking this very narrow view of the world, but our natural selves have us taking this whole wide perception. and this flexible, open-minded view of the world. The ego looks for sins of others when our natural selves really focus on forgiveness. And the ego seeks to judge and our natural self really seeks to help. And I want you to know this balance, these differences, because you don't stay in ego and just forgive people, stop judging and start helping, because it will be martyrdom and righteousness and still fraught with a lot of judgment and feeling as I shouldn't have to do this. You're not joyfully moving about adding what is yours to give to the world. And when we come to work together, I'm not talking about excusing poor behavior because the poor behavior comes from ego. And that's our job as a leader to set those non-negotiables and to call it that the ego needs to be checked at the door, that the behaviors are not appropriate for work. But to get to what is better, we need to remember that people come to us with a natural sense of what great looks like. And our job is to get there to really tap into that so that they're operating out of a better part of their brain and a higher level of consciousness. And so it's not about accepting poor behavior. It is about getting really clear about the ego versus our natural states. And I believe that innovation, collaboration, teamwork, you know, creativity, all of that is our natural state once the drama's gone. And so a leader's true role is eliminate the drama, to defuse the drama, to eliminate emotional waste from the workplace by using great mental processes. And a wonderful mental process is the act of self-reflection, that level of personal curiosity, where instead of focusing externally on outside of ourselves, what's the cause of this or what's to blame, we instead move internally and go deep in this and look at our part and the place where we can have impact, where we can really bring our signature to the world, By fixing and mitigating risks and issues that only we are in a position to mitigate or fix. I hope today that you stop your critique of the world and seeing all that's wrong, and instead look for opportunity in the world to do what's right. And if you want to really feed your energy levels and have something be energy building, it's that viewpoint. If you want to go home tired from work every single day and have your energy completely drained, it's that viewpoint. completely depleted, stay in ego. I tell you, I promise you, you're tired at the end of the day, not because of how hard your work was or the challenging, complex, crazy reality you find yourself in. You're exhausted at the end of the day from the stories you make up about the world that you're in. And if you listen to ego, you would really believe that we are all doomed and that you can just go to bed every night chronically disappointed in the world and the human race. But if you're out of ego, you can lay your head on that pillow tonight knowing that it was a pretty cool day. You had a lot of opportunity to step up and you took most of them. And the good news is, is that it's time to rejuvenate. And tomorrow is another day to use what you've learned in your day today. So it's all about self-compassion, but continuous learning. And if you keep learning, You're gonna be able to commit to bigger and bigger things. So I want to just wish you a great week and tell you to keep on ditching the drama. Thank you so much for joining the episode today. If you're loving this podcast, just make sure that you check me out on Facebook and Instagram and especially YouTube.
