Accountability with Empathy

This is the No Ego Podcast, where we ditch the drama, end entitlement, and transform your world place. I'm Sy Wakeman. You guys are— you're my people. You're my people. Even though you've not had it easy, it's like you are mining this experience for learning. And accountability has those 4 stages. Commitment.

I'm gonna go all into this thing instead of just surviving it or living through it. I'm gonna go all in. I'm gonna see what quarantine has to teach me. That's the first stage of accountability, is the willingness to agree to what's in front of you, to say yes instead of arguing with the circumstances. The ability to say, I accept, I will be with this, I will, you know, practice what this brings me. So first step in accountability is commitment. I'm all in. And Second step is resilience, right? You guys have done great at resilience, staying the course in spite of barriers. The third step is ownership, that when we do see and notice something about ourselves or others, or something that we are participating in life, allowing or enabling, that we meet it with compassion but we own it, because what you can't own, you can't change. And the fourth piece is continuous learning. So I don't want to pass any judgment on how people have gone through this. It's not a test to pass, but you can practice the reality-based accountability model through this. The 4 factors: are you all in? Do you find yourself resorting back to just surviving, being the victim, where it's like, well, I'm waiting for them to do it for me, or I'm on the sidelines watching and critiquing and judging? No. Are you buying? It's a verb. Can you just go, you know what, it is what it is, and I'm gonna really radically accept this reality? So commitment. Resilience is staying the course, not overcoming, not never sleeping, not expending yourself to get everybody through. Resilience is healthy. It's staying the course in spite of barriers. And that is about commitment and dedication, as I've talked about on these podcasts, not heroics and perseverance, because that is not resilience. It's not sustainable. Resilience reveals to us the habits we've had. And I always say, you know, this is why we practice, because when you need it, it's already established. So resilience isn't about brute strength and heroics and diving catches. Resilience, as I've said, is about connection and being able to ask for help and being able to be vulnerable. So it's really revealing to us your commitment, your resilience, and Your ownership, really getting to know yourself and the dark sides. What have you been avoiding from all that busyness? And then the continuous learning. And I'm glad that you brought that up because that's a key topic today. People are grateful for— we want to go easy on people, and a lot of people think accountability— should I really be holding my people accountable at this time? And that's why I talked about the stages of the crisis, is because In the beginning, if people are just worried about safety and basics, help them. But after that, after we've kind of made things work and we've connected people and we have them safe, you know, and we've helped those who had less reserves than some of us or less privileged— like, once we stabilize the situation, great leaders use this time to stretch people. And you can be empathetic and call people to greatness and not let people kind of off the hook and still have expectations and tough conversations you know, with compassion. So let's talk about that. Let's take that one and start out with— so in the beginning of all of this, and potentially at any phase, like if one of your employees, you know, has now a sick member of their family, at any phase, the first thing we do as leaders is respond to people's basic needs. Basics are important and safety. And so anytime that changes for your people, it's like, what do you need right now and what's happening? And you attend to that, but it's shared accountability. It's like, okay, here's where I can connect to you, and here's some ideas I have, and here's how I can, you know, adjust for you to get that in place. But here's the shared accountability: that's the temporary accommodation I'm making for you. And then you contract, like, how many days, or can you come back with a plan on how you're going to have a more sustainable way to rectify that situation? So we aren't just accepting people's circumstances as the reasons they can't succeed. We are temporarily saying, I see you, I recognize you, I'm empathetic, and let's make this temporary. You need basics, you're trying to do it alone. Can I connect you in? Can we have you connect with a team member who's in a similar situation who has some best practices that they've discovered? But the very next stage after getting you connected and getting you safe is I've got to really identify what the priorities are and what your non-negotiables are. Even in this time, here are the basics that I need. We've got to make it work, and we can't let some of our customer needs go or patient needs. And so that is the, like, get stuff done, just fix it. When that's done— and most people then need that call to greatness where the next stage is like radically simplify, be intentional, don't add things back that don't have ROI. Don't just have temporary solutions. Start to look longer-term how you're going to make this work and the whole innovation piece. And then finally, how do you curate this so that we are better off going forward, as better off as we can be? So what happens a lot of times is people think empathy is mutually exclusive with calling people to greatness, and in fact they are a marriage. Empathy is, I see I hear you. I'm present for you. And empathy is more about what you sometimes don't do rather than what you do do, because empathy is different than sympathy. Sympathy goes into, and I am gonna reinforce in you the victim mindset because I'm gonna agree with you, this is awful and we're the victims, there's nothing we can do. And I know I don't get anything done either, and it's like, you know, I don't know how they expect us to be productive. And we start to collude together and agree with one another that we can't be successful because of our circumstances. Empathy is just, I see you, and given our current reality and the expectations, let's focus on how we could. And great leaders can do this empathy accountability thing by continuing to manage energy away from why we can't to how we could. And one of my favorite words in that is given. Given that we don't have that today, how can we? Well, we just can't. Well, given that you have kids at home and have additional demands on your time, how can you have response time that's within 4 hours, given that? And so what a lot of people do is they want to cite their circumstances as the reasons they can't succeed. And our job as leaders is to to tend to the person. So if they go back and they go, you don't understand, I'm completely overwhelmed, then let's back up. Let's talk about a plan for you to, um, you know, given that you have this level of anxiety, then what's your plan to find relief for that? Like, are you reaching out? Have you found, you know, someone on Zoom? Like, what are you doing for your self-care? There's nothing anyone brings up that they can say Therefore, I can't, unless it's totally out of the ordinary, you know, a death or— and you guys can use that discernment. But now is the time to start saying, this is how you develop resilience, is in the moment you learn to trust yourself that we can and that you have part in that. And so I do a lot of like, what's your plan? Or why don't we talk tomorrow? You come back to me with a plan on how you can make this work. And if the plan is I'll try harder, that's not a plan I can invest in. If the plan is, you know, I'll just survive— if the plan doesn't seem like it is going to increase the capability of the person, don't invest in the plan. Just say, you know what, that's hope as a strategy, or that's, you know, I want something you really can have agency on. Like, what's your part in this? You know, it's like, well, I have a partner who doesn't help out, and so I can't do this because of them. It's like What's your part in this? And what have you learned about yourself communicating what you need? And I can't get involved in your personal lives, but I need you to come up with a plan on how to do that. And the, the piece of this is, is have flexibility on the non-negotiables. So part of prioritizing is, here are the non-negotiables that you have to deliver. How you get that done, as long as it matches our values And, you know, it's behavior we would condone. How you get that done, that's where I can give you flexibility, right? But these are the non-negotiables, and it's time. It's a little challenging, but it's going to be time where if you coddle the people through this, you will just have less ready people for the next piece. You're not doing yourself any favors by saving somebody through this. The best motivator. The best thing someone can do is have a direct relationship with their reality and you not interfere in it or enable it. And that's why for some people, sending them home, that direct relationship with the reality is so scary. If it's a child that, you know, is now at home with somebody that's abusive, like, that's the end of the spectrum. But for most of us, we got to just kind of sit in the life we've created for a while. And if it's like chaotic and We haven't had boundaries, and we don't do things that are self-care, and we just do self-soothing, and we are on 24/7, and we take care—we do too much for other people. Wow! All of that got revealed. It's like you know go home and sit with your current situation. How much we had skipped becoming technologically savvy, how much we had skipped like. developing communication skills. I've even saw it revealed how lazy people have been about their own engagement. They're like, well, nobody— we really just don't have any meetings, and so I just haven't really talked to any of my colleagues. I'm like, well, that's your engagement. Like, why haven't you reached out or created that for yourself? Like, people are like, well, you know, we had cappuccino at work and my employer hasn't really sent that to my house. It like reveals to you How overdependent you are on other folks, how much, how much you allow your life to be decided by not what you want to do, but what other people are calling in from you. Like, that's what's so important. So don't waste this time as far as calling people up to greatness. And the empathy is, I care about you, and How could you be even better? How could you have adopt skill sets that grow in this? And what I would tell you is that whenever people are in pain and they're my employees or my colleagues, I start with three areas: skill set. Their suffering may be caused by a skill set issue. So are they trying to use an old skill set for a new reality? A lot of us got exposed that way. People are like, you know. What do you mean we have to do Zoom meetings? It's like, I want to— I had some people, even though it was dangerous, they're like, I just want to go back in the office. Can't we just get together for a meeting? I'm like, you can on Zoom. Not my team, but people I'm coaching. So it's like, is it a skill set? And if it's a skill set, whatever's gotten revealed about your people's technical savviness, about their diversity and their inclusion and their view of the world and their understanding that not all of us are having the same experience and that We are more connected than we thought, and, um, somebody else's lack of justice should be all of our lack of justice. Like, that should be, you know, skill set. The next piece is approach, because skill set is something I can put you through a course for. So check skill set. The second one's approach. The third one's willingness. Approach has more to do with, like, The, the boundaries, the communication skills, the vulnerability, the asking for help, the emotional expensiveness, the way we move through life. Like, if I do everything and then get exhausted and then rage at the people around me as a martyr and feel put upon by my environment and I don't have any choices, that's more the approach part of it. We have some really highly skilled people that over-function, see themselves as martyrs, and kind of abuse the rest of us. Right? That's the approach part. Am I using a less than modern approach for these times, or less than evolved approach for these times? Right? And then the third one is willingness. What's the person's willingness? Like, are they arguing with reality? Are they just not? They they just aren't buying in. Like by choice, they're resisting because they don't want to be revealed as being un. skilled, or they don't want to change a familiar approach that feels uncomfortable and scary and has a lot to do with instead of just going towards the familiar and all the— even if it's dysfunctional, it's familiar. That's so important. So for all of us, that's a great question to work with your teams. Like, what skill set did you find yourself lacking in? What approaches to life in general do you need to change? And, you know, what's your level of willingness right now? And those can all be be questions for self-reflection. So feedback doesn't work very well, especially when people are stressed, because it hits the ego. So instead of feedback, I just state non-negotiables. Instead of me commenting on how you're dealing with this, that's— I just skip that and go to, here's what we need as an organization. And then I invite self-reflection. So I just ask those questions like, do you find yourself underskilled to be able to work in this new environment? Because one question we're asking people on our accountability surveys— we're adjusting the engagement surveys that filter on accountability. I've changed some of those answers. We also came up with a cool resiliency survey, and I'll be coming out with a whole course on resiliency online. But what we found out is we ask people, my productivity remains the same independent from my environment, or And that's a big question. Like, some people are more productive at home. They're like, sigh, I get so much done at home. What does that tell you about your boundaries at work? What does that tell you about meetings you accept rather than, you know, decline or delegate? Or, you know, what does that tell you, right? And so it's really helping people understand for themselves what skill set or what have you changed in your approach. And sometimes, bizarrely enough, a change in approach is more tolerance or lowering of standards and things I have not seen as value-add. Like, I actually got intentional unconscious. So I worked with one company that they were still requiring quarterly updates to the executive team that was all about whether the PowerPoint had no misspellings and nobody could challenge it. And so people were doing all this work and they're like, well, what's the value of that? Don't we really just need to update people on these key metrics? What do they actually need? And it completely took a formal update they've been doing for probably 50 years and made it into, you know, casual dress on the couch talking about real issues. And what they found by changing their approach is that they really uncovered very quickly what the issues were. People would present data and the execs would be the only ones processing it, and And now it's like they're getting much more processed work. Like they're saying, if you can in one sentence tell me what you think the next issue is we should be addressing. So, and then that willingness piece, because there are a lot of folks right now that have low willingness, and, and, and they're like, okay, that was okay, I got through it, let's get back to normal. That willingness piece is a big deal right now because a willing person has good habits. They have cultivated the relationship with uncertainty. They've cultivated the ability to be still and to be, um, in an environment or circumstances and be unaffected by that. Like, this is really revealing when I look at people's, like, lack of willingness it's really revealing some adult— adulting, some maturing, some evolving chapters, chapters of evolution that we've skipped for some folks, which is, you know, everything from some grit to we can do hard stuff to, you know, the ability to be still and the ability to, you know, when needed, read a good book or sit quietly or not know the future. Those actually are competencies that come from contemplation, but most of us have overdeveloped on the side of, um, productivity and underdeveloped on the side of making sure that I'm the vessel by which inspiration can come through, and that productivity is like this small part of the entire spectrum. And so I want people noticing your energy as you are noticing. I've got some things that I have the ability to look at, just my energy— what depletes my energy, what brings me energy. So what type of work depletes my energy? And is it just the hard part to You know, venture through, or is it something that I have continually said yes to that I just need to take off my list of my life list? Like, I'm not— what do I hate doing? What do I never want to do? What brings me energy? What's my energy like during a day? And, you know, how tuned in am I to like my circadian rhythms? And how am I, um, really able to manage my energy? So when I'm low on energy, it could be as simple as Drink more water, get up and, you know, jump in place for 30 seconds. Like, how am I doing at managing my energy, curating my life, choosing what I want to participate in and allow? Because a year from now, for most of us, that life that you'll be tempted to complain about a year from now will be the one you intentionally created. Talk about full agency, full accountability. If you are just going back to the victim stance and I've got to do this because I, you know, need the cash or whatever, without a plan to make that difference, the life a year from now that you might complain about is going to be the one you had a big opportunity to choose. And so I've always believed that a lot of our life We have more to do with what it is than we claim, but this is really going to be the case. I've got a couple of cool questions I want to unpack for us too. Ellie sent some that had been sent in. So I hope this one isn't dated, but I think it will allow us to apply it as we're bringing people back to, to work. So This person said, I'm a nursing administrator for a critical access hospital emergency department. So those of you not in healthcare, critical access means small, rural, probably wouldn't be open if there hadn't been some federal programming to help with like building updates and different reimbursements and stuff. So we're really in danger right now, folks, of losing what those of us in healthcare call access. To— instead of having to do 2 hours for a sore throat or having a general practice person in your community, we have fought really hard, especially in the urban and, and in areas where socioeconomically they don't have the dollars at their disposal. We have fought in healthcare really hard to keep at least access available to those folks. So that's what that means. As fear is mounting with regard to COVID-19, I worry that my nurses will vacate their role when they're most needed. We've been proactive in our preparations, and I've been trying to reassure them every day. I would like some help with my communication. Do you have a suggestion for helping me quell their fears while simultaneously calling them into battle? So I apologize if we got to this late. I've done some things on that, but I think it's for all of you, because any of you helping people return back to work, they're gonna be going through the same anxiety that the, you know, nurses have been going through this whole time, and everybody else, the, the environmental services folks in the healthcare, they're cleaning rooms. And so you have to work these situations as a group and as individuals, okay, simultaneously. So as a group, what a great leader does is just name the elephant in the room. My fear is that many or some of you, while you're— and give people benefit of the doubt— while your hearts are big and your intentions are great, you may, when this gets going, from your own anxiety or worry about family, just when we need you the most, maybe the time that you decide individually to step down and not be part of the collective kind of solution. So I would just put it out there. I would, I would give people benefit of the doubt. These aren't bad people that you'll abandon ship. It's an acknowledgment that everybody in this room has thought these thoughts and they are considering, um, do I stay or do I go? And what I'm here as a leader to tell you is we have about 1,000 more options, right? So people are like, do I want to be safe? I should stay home. Or do I want to be unsafe and come in? When people are scared— and that's the polarity I was talking about at the beginning of this— they get into either/or. Mm-hmm. And as a leader, we have to introduce perspective and this big word called and. And so if your concern is staying safe, how can we stay safe and, you know, work in the ED with cases that as they come in, we not only don't know what is wrong with that person, but we have a responsibility to quickly separate out the non-COVID from COVID And sometimes the person making that decision. I mean, that's just pure triage stuff, right? So first, with a group, the transparent— speak the obvious, non-judgmental, normalize it. Go, I would be a little worried about some of you who were just, you know, rushing into this with no concern about yourself, because I want you concerned about yourself. So find a way to come to them, name it, neutral. Benefit of the doubt, normalize it, and just say, let's do a good negative brainstorming. It's a tool we teach in the No Ego book. Let's do a negative brainstorming, everybody. We're gonna take 15 minutes and get super negative. You're, you're free. We aren't gonna call it BMW driving. Tell me— we're gonna go around, we're gonna give everybody a chance to talk one sentence. Go, no story, just one sentence. We're gonna go around. If you can't think of something, we'll come back. Nobody critique each other's idea. What's your main concern? You just write it up there. What's your main concern? Write it up there. What hasn't been covered yet? What do you want to add to the list? Be careful that people aren't going into the future, aren't imagining, aren't stories, but just what is your concern? And you put it up there, and I label those right in front of people visually. Concern. Right. I cross it out and I put the word risk in. So thank you for identifying risk. Now let's go back and let's add some— let's take away the fear and add some logic or some analysis to this thinking. So let's take a look at this fear and let's look at it. How probable is it? Because sometimes we fear things that may never happen. High, medium, or low? And I just go through each one and we just ballpark these. Don't get bogged down in the— if people can't agree that it's low, then it's at least medium or high. It doesn't matter. Put it up there. What you're starting to show people in front of them, beyond the ego, outside the ego, so the ego can't twist it, you're showing them that some things we fear aren't that probable. Doesn't mean we shouldn't be worried about them. We do the next step. So what would be the impact if this did happen? Because some things aren't probable, but the impact is so high that we still need to worry about them. And so now we look at impact. Some of the things we're really concerned about don't have that big of impact, right? And then— Now that we look at what we have in our environments, where can we bring our agency to this? Where can we bring our effect? So rather than just, this is our environment and therefore we're victims, given this is what we need and I really need you at work, given that, what are ideas that you have that we can do as individuals or a team? Because otherwise it comes up with all the things for other people to do. And if you can't get there, bring out thinking inside the box, another tool. Like, these are the tools to be practicing during this time. And it's like, think about risk. Is that an acceptable risk, right? We have risk all the time. Is that an acceptable risk? Is that a risk that can be mitigated? Is that a risk that can be avoided or transferred? And how can we, you know, mitigate that risk up to and including, even though we're not completely certain about antibodies, some people are changing the way they're staffing and they're using their, their people with antibodies or who have recovered. on these front lines to do some of this, you know, triaging. And so they're putting some people in, you know, more risk, although less risk than others. It's like innovation comes from the absence of drama. And when people are individually whispering in the corners about their biggest fear, that's all drama. So the tools bring it out beyond the ego where it's just our reality, and let's have agency and work through this reality. And so now, given The things we're able to mitigate and the things that I need to go secure for us given this world. Now reimagine your commitment. That's the group stuff. Meet with people individually and ask for their commitment. Can I count on you individually? And don't pressure, don't blackmail, just know who's in and who's out. And but here's the science behind that. Just like when someone comes on the airplane, you guys all remember these things we used to fly in after September 11th. When they came in on, I was sitting in the exit aisle, and this flight attendant came up and she's like, "Ma'am, I need your full attention. If the plane crashes, I need to know that you would be willing to open the door next to you and to aid and assist in the event of an emergency." And I'm thinking that is the most ridiculous. Ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. You're telling me the plane's crashed and I'm still alive, and the fire's on the inside, and you're wondering if I'll open up the door next to me? Yeah, of course I will. Like who wouldn't? Well, one that's coming from someone high in accountability who's a total helper, who has a lot of healthcare training. Like of course that was my answer. I'm like why do they have to do that? So I called my brother-in-law, who's really. He was a pilot at the time who trained pilots for Southwest. And like, what is this ridiculous new thing? He's like, Sana, you're a social scientist, you know this. If we leave it ambiguous, right, we just go, you know, everybody in the group, I hope you'll all be here, you know, we'll make it as safe as possible, do the right thing, get it, got it, good. Everybody's gonna think somebody else will tend to it, somebody else will take care of it. Just like if you're by the exit row when an emergency happens. You're like, I bet the flight attendant will tell me what to do. Or what we know about the larger the group of people, the more likely an individual will take action heroically is rare. That's why it's on the news when it happens, right? So what we need to do in the first step of accountability is commitment. So we need to meet with people individually and just say, if we had an outbreak right now and we started surging in the, um, ED, you as a nurse in that department, what's your level of commitment? And, you know, how are you feeling? And can I count on you? And if somebody's like, my commitment's low, it's like, well, on a scale of 1 to 10, what do you think your commitment level is? And it's like, it's like a 2. And then I would say, I need to know, you know, I, I really want you on board. We've looked at these risks. Help me understand You know, what's your plan to increase your commitment? Is it a skill thing? Do you need to, you know, enhance your skills on, you know, innovation or assisting innovation? Is it, you know, what is it? And it may be like, I have no plans to increase my commitment level. It may be like, I have 2 immune-compromised kids at home. I'm a single parent. Mm-hmm. I like— this is not my time and not my assignment. It's too much for me to commit to. Are okay. Like, it— we're not here to beat people up. We're here to call them up to greatness. But if there's a real reason they can't commit— now, if they're just like, I am not doing that, that no— then part of it, I need to look at my part. How have I kept a nurse employed who is that selective in the work he or she will be doing. Oh, that's right, when they didn't want to do these hours, I let them do that. When they didn't want to do these types of patients, I let them do that. When they complained about people coming in with mental health challenges, I put a social worker in so that that nurse would never have to deal with someone who was struggling with some addictions. Or a lot of this lack of willingness and lack of stepping up from accountables, unless they have a real situation, is revealing to you as a leader what you've allowed. It's like there are some nurses who are just like, not me, not now. And I'm like, you've been a nurse for 20 years. This is— of course you, of course now. Like, what is going on? Well, I've enabled them this whole time. So individually, we have to talk about what's your commitment level. And if somebody's like, you know, I'm like a 6, what's your plan to get yourself to a 10? What can you do? What can I do? You know, because you want to work individually. Maybe something didn't come up. In the group, nobody wants to say, I have an innovative patient, we do one a month. It's like, well, it could be that we're doing 10 a day. So let's, you know, have ICU come down, or let's have our regional hospital, you know, let's put a plan in place. And that's how you start working, not to enable people, not to coddle them, but to share that accountability and what's our plan. And then, you know, you're high committed, you make sure they're highly skilled, and then you start having them reach down for your next committed to say, Janice feels really comfortable in this, she has a lot of experience in this type of environment, so I'm gonna pair the two of you. You're gonna be working together on this next shift. I'm gonna pair the two of you together, and tribally, I want you to see how you can get to be more like Janice in your approach to this, you know. So group, transparent, normalized, neutral, and then individual is that call to greatness. And if somebody has something to accommodate, accommodate them. But we don't accommodate fear because fear is false events appearing real. I went through the HIV crisis when I was just first coming out as a social worker and hospital administrator, and we didn't know a lot about that disease condition, you know. It's like we didn't know a lot about that. But there were some of us who leaned into it and said, let's learn what we can, protect ourselves, because people need service. And there were others that were full of judgmentalism and just said, you know, that's a curse, or whatever they believed. And it was that team that we didn't put high acountables and low acountables together because we wanted to focus on the patient. The, the injury to the patient is to be taken care of by somebody who's scared of them, that was scared to like be present to them. So we can't do that to our customers or our patients. But we quickly put together a dream team that then broke the curve. So put high accountables with high accountables, make their lives easy, get people to claim where they are. And if somebody's kind of mid-committed, then have them work with high accountables to convert them if possible. But if somebody's low in commitment, then say, you know what, then it seems like I need you to take a leave, or I have somebody from the ICU that's willing to come down. Can you cover there? And they're like, well, no, because I don't like that shift, and that would be nice. I really want days. You know, I'm working harder than you are at really accommodating what is your fear, fear, and potentially based on not keeping your skill set up. So I'm not going to accommodate that right now. Um, I am offering you some solutions, and it seems like, um, you're not taking those up. And so what I can do for you is, you know, according to our policy, put you on leave. Or, well, that will be unpaid. Well, you've got vacation, you can use it. I shouldn't have to use my vacation in the pandemic. Absolutely correct. And one way not to lose your vacation is to take this ICU position. So, you know, that's your choice. And avoid emotional blackmail where people are like, so you're just laying me off without pay? Actually, I'm not laying you off. I've offered you some really opportunity. You're choosing not to, and I don't even know that will be without pay because it seems like, you know, unemployment's uncontested right now, and that might be an option for you. Well, if I claim unemployment, I have to quit. Yes, right. And what we tend to do is we accommodate fear, which leaves people believing they're the victims and that you need to work harder at their success than they are. And I'm not being insensitive here, right? If somebody has a reasonable accommodation that my team knows, I am the first to go, let me send you my own personal, like, money to do that. Like, I'm talking about the people who are conditional on a good day in their work, and you've allowed that conditionality. So what I love for a lot of us is this is exposing, one, your bad leadership, but what you've allowed. Okay, you guys, Notice your anxiety as now another change is coming for many. We're talking about going back out in the world again. Really don't lose what you've gained here. So many times we get a glimpse over the holidays, which is why we set our New Year's resolution, right? Regardless of your own spiritual perspectives or religions that you may practice, You know, there's a lot of holidays that happen in that November-December time period. We get time off, we set these big intentions, and then we just watch them get blown away by busyness and other people setting our agendas and us not setting our boundaries, us not being brave, us not being courageous. And so as you notice your anxiety, notice that anxiety is there probably for a reason, that you want to not give up some of the things you've realized or gained And have the courage to get conscious. Write down what you've learned. I've asked you what this has revealed to you, what you've become grateful for. Like, take that and really get conscious and intentional, to the point— it can be something really little. Like, even though it felt good, for instance, to get my nails manicured on an every-week basis, I really resented the couple of hours You know, I would be in there and it's like the little things. I'm like, I don't want to go back to, you know, for some of you who got gray, I was pre-gray. If you made it this far, I'm telling you what, get a headband. If you've thought about it, go the rest of the way and let your natural self come through. It's like, notice what, um, it can be small like that. Large for me is like I've noticed what a homebody I And how I thought to be intimate with all of you and really be available and there for you, I needed to be out in front of you hugging you and, and loving you guys up. And what I realized is I spend about 12 hours to get to you for like an hour, where if we can make this intimate and get some group coaching going and get our smaller venues, and that I can get, you know, like up close and personal, I But then those 12 hours are my self-care, which leads to more inspiration and innovation, which leads to being more prolific on the courses I can take, which leads to like, I don't have to wait for learning and development to bring me in. You guys can access it directly. You can use your own, you know, team budget to say we're gonna do this for our staff. Like, it's really, for me, I'm really looking at— if you were to ask me, do you love travel? I'm like, absolutely, I love travel. But I'm so good at loving what is that I'm like, how do I know I love it? Because I do it, so I choose to love it. And now I'm kind of like, I love being at home and I love being online. I love this whole thing. I've connected more with people now than ever, although I still have a long list of people I go, oh, I gotta reach out to them. I've been pretty busy supporting some of our healthcare workers. So we are out of time. I love you guys. Do not go back to the normal that not even you loved. So go back to what you loved, but not what you didn't love. Put your stake in the ground. We are the leaders. We have discovered some things. We can design what this looks like going forward so we have a better world, a better workplace. Thank you. place, a better home place. We can move through the world more evolved, more skillful, more effortlessly, more with more wisdom and more love. So be good to each other.

This is the No Ego Podcast, where we ditch the drama, end entitlement, and transform your world place. I'm Sy Wakeman.